A/N: So… new part already… but we promise, things get better from here on… this was basically the bottom and things are going to get better slowly but surely from now on! =D
We hope you'll still stick with us!
Thanks again for all the support!
Enjoy Chapter 64!
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Alex Karev POV:
"You shouldn't have let him go" Tyler didn't sound happy.
"He needed a little break" Arizona told him "I think we can at least give him that"
"None of you knows Jackson when he's like this" Tyler told her "you give him the smallest opening and he's going to take it and ram a bulldozer through it"
"Tyler" Lewis said "we can't treat him like a prisoner"
"That's exactly what we need to do" Tyler turned and said "it's the only thing that works for him. I don't think any of you knows how tricky he is"
"And you do?" Alex asked.
"Yes" Tyler responded "which is why I said it"
"Then what in the hell are any of us doing here. Seems you can handle all this by yourself" Alex crossed his arms over his chest.
"Alex" Lewis said as he stepped up to the man and grabbed his arm "let's just-"
"No" Alex told him "let Tyler tell us exactly what we should do to make this go the very best we can"
"Pathetic" Tyler chuckled.
"Excuse me?" and now Alex had stepped across the room and stood directly in front of the man "what did you say?"
"Stop it" April said as she stepped between the two men.
"I said it was pathetic" Tyler told him "if you have something to say to me then say it"
Alex could feel anger light up his blood and all he wanted to do was punch Tyler's lights out.
However, before he could he felt Lewis grabbing his arm and he was being pulled into the kitchen and only once the two men were inside and the door had closed did Lewis let go.
"What are you doing?" Alex asked angrily.
"What are you doing?" Lewis shot back "What was that?"
"Someone needs to put that bastard in his place" Alex practically shouted "walking around like he's the end all, be all of everything.
Lewis lowered his voice and spoke calmly "He's been through this before, Alex" he said "he knows this better than any of us"
"Even better than the ex-drug user and substance therapist?" Alex asked sarcastically "maybe he really is that amazing"
Alex knew he was being childish, but between the things Jackson had said to him, April being there, and what had went down between he and Lewis, Alex couldn't find a whole lot of maturity right now.
"You want to be angry with someone, Alex, then be angry with me" Lewis told "what I did to you was unfair, but I was with you, not Tyler, and to take it out on him isn't fair"
"Fair?' Alex said astonishingly "Fair isn't being able to look April in the eyes without hating myself. Fair isn't having to trick Jackson to talk to us. What you did Lewis. What you did was fucking heartbreaking"
Lewis looked down and away from Alex. He could see the shame in the man's eyes and it made Alex a little bit happier. To know that he did feel guilt over what he had done.
"I get that you hate me, Alex, but-"
"You think I hate you?" Alex asked "if only I could, but I can't. I still love you and I have a sickening feeling I always will"
"I'm sorry, Alex" Lewis said as he approached the man "how can I make it up to you? Anything, just say it"
"You think it's that easy?" Alex gave a hard stare to Lewis "you broke my heart and some kind gesture won't make seeing you two together any easier. I was building a life with you, do you get that?"
"I do" Lewis told him "and I'll hate myself for it until the day I die, but you have to let me make this right"
Alex was filled with warring emotions. Love and anger was making him unable to control himself "You want to make it up to me?" and pulling Lewis to him Alex kissed him brutally. Lips mashed together and he could feel Lewis' surprise. Alex pried Lewis' mouth open with his tongue and once inside he could hear a small moan escape from Lewis.
Then Lewis was pulling back "Alex, we can't-"
"Shut the fuck up" Alex whispered harshly and Lewis did so. Turning themselves around Alex trapped Lewis between his body and the kitchen counter. He felt Lewis grab his hips for purchase and pushing them forward Alex collided their hips together.
"Wait, Alex" Lewis said breathlessly "let's just-"
"What?"
"We can't do this...here" Lewis said "we need to focus on Jackson"
"That's the only reason?" Alex asked suspiciously
"Of course" Lewis told him and even though the man would never admit it Alex knew he was lying.
"Fine" Alex told him "then if you're honest about making it up to me you go and tell Tyler it's over"
"What?" Lewis asked wide-eyed.
"You go right now and you tell Tyler that you're mine and what has been going on with you two is over and will never happen again"
"A-Alex" Lewis sounded almost desperate.
"Were you lying to me a minute ago?" Alex asked "when you said you'd do anything to make it up to me?"
"Of course not"
"Do you still love me?"
"Yes, but-" Lewis tried to say before Alex cut him off.
"Then go and tell him that you're mine and that what you two did was a mistake then after we get Jackson into rehab we work on rebuilding what you destroyed"
It wasn't fair of Alex to do this to Lewis, but right now he couldn't care. He was tired of being the guy left behind and he could have a good life with Lewis, despite everything.
"Okay" Lewis said and Alex could hear the defeat in his voice "I'll tell him, but if we do this can you just promise me one thing?"
"What would that be?"
"We start over completely" Lewis told him "new city, new people. We have to leave everything except our family behind"
Alex had to admit he was actually surprised that Lewis seemed almost determined. He could do it, though. Start fresh with nothing but Lewis, a rehabilitated Jackson, and a world full of new possibilities.
"Okay" Alex told him calmly and gave another kiss to Lewis and this time Lewis kissed him desperately. Alex knew it was just to prove to himself that this would be possible. That he could be happy with Alex.
And he could be. Alex was going to make Lewis so happy.
When the two men walked out Alex first noticed Tyler and the look of anger didn't go unnoticed, but Alex could only smile. He had won this war and now all he could do was wait for Tyler to deal with the fall out.
"Jackson isn't back yet?" Lewis asked as he looked around the room.
"No" Arizona said as she eyed he and Alex curiously. April stood across the room close to Eli, looking everywhere except at Alex.
"I'll go check" Sheldon started to say before someone knocked on the door.
"I'll get it" Alex told the room and ran across to open the door only to be greeted by an annoyed looking Sasha.
"Sasha?" Alex asked.
"Don't speak to me. I'm mad at you" she said as she pushed the man to the side "you can't be nice to Jackson for just one day?" and walking in she stopped short when she saw all the people standing in the room.
"What's going on?" she asked confused.
"What do you mean treat Jackson nice for one day?" Alex asked her as he walked up behind her and as she was about to answer the sound of screeching tires made everyone turn towards the door.
"Fuck!" Tyler said angrily as he bolted up the stairs and swung the bathroom door open only to find it empty.
Running back down the stairs he looked flustered
"He's gone"
Lewis Avery POV:
If Lewis had thought the whole situation couldn't get any worse, he had been proven wrong again. Just a few minutes ago he still had faith that they could fix the situation. That they could fix Jackson together, if they just made him see how much they loved him, and now it felt like his whole world had shattered into pieces.
First his talk with Alex.
He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that it would need this for him to make up with him. That he would have to break up with Tyler in order for Alex to get better.
Still, he had meant what he had told him. He was willing to do it, if it made Alex see how much he meant to him.
It wasn't like he didn't love Alex, he did, just not the way he loved Tyler. And he never would.
Tyler was the love of his life, and no matter what, he would always be a part of him, no matter whom he was with or where he lived. Tyler would always be in his mind and in his heart.
A fact Alex would have to live with for the rest of his life.
But if he was willing to live with that, Lewis sure was willing to live with him. To give them... their relationship, another shot.
They could do that. He knew he could be happy with Alex, because he had been happy with him before Tyler re-appeared in his life. Without Tyler in the picture, with them starting fresh somewhere else, he could do it again. He knew it.
But first things first.
The moment the red-haired nurse showed up at Alex' doorstep, Lewis knew that something was wrong. That something had happened, and when he heard the squeaking of car wheels he knew it. He knew it way before Tyler ran up the stairs and came back speaking it out loud.
Jackson was gone.
He had escaped. Through some window in the first floor.
Because they hadn't paid enough attention to him and of course he had used this for his advantage.
He could tell how upset Tyler was and before he could even react, he was already jumping Alex again, grabbing him by the collar and pressing him against the wall.
"This is all your fault. I told you he would use any chance he gets to run away, but you wouldn't listen."
"Stop it! Tyler, stop it!" Lewis bumped in, pushing Tyler away from Alex and getting in between them. "If it's someone's fault, it's the fault of us all. No one could have seen that coming."
"Of course. If you had listened to me, you would have seen it coming. I told you I went through this already, I know what Jackson is capable of." Tyler gave back.
"But it doesn't help if we jump at each other's throats now, does it?" Lewis replied calmly, hoping that he could keep them from going at each other again. It was already hard enough as it was.
"Can somebody please tell me what's going on here?" a female voice brought Lewis' attention back to the woman standing behind him.
Turning around, Lewis faced her.
"Jackson obviously used you to get away... he called you, didn't he?"
"Yeah... about fifteen minutes ago... he told me he needed a lift to the airport because he wouldn't catch his plane otherwise... I came as quickly as I could... he asked me to get his jacket for him..." the woman explained.
"And now he's obviously gone... and he has your car," Lewis stated.
Shocked, the red haired nurse looked at him. "He used me..."
"Yeah, because you let him," Alex interrupted. "If something happens to him it's your fault." He moved towards Sasha, and that was the moment when Eli went in between.
"No, it's not. She has nothing to do with it, okay?" He turned to face Alex and looked at him angrier than Lewis had ever seen him. "She wasn't involved, she didn't know anything at all... and she's Jackson's friend."
"That's not entirely true," Mark said. "But she knew way too less to really be able to connect the dots, so blaming it on her is wrong. If you have to blame someone, then you have to blame yourself, Alex, because after all, you brought us here. You made us come here and trap him."
"Because I thought it was the right thing to do," Alex literally shouted, which caused April to twitch and then she started breathing heavily.
"Stop it! All of you. Stop screaming at each other, stop blaming each other." There were tears in her eyes and Lewis could tell that something was completely wrong with her. Something other than Jackson being gone.
This whole situation was totally out of control and he felt like he was trapped in a very bad nightmare.
"She's right!" Sheldon finally decided to speak up. "We all need to calm down and then think about what to do next. I mean, he can't be very far, and..." He looked at Sasha. "I'm sorry, what was your name again?"
"Sasha..." the nurse said.
"And Sasha said he wanted to get to the airport... so if we hurry, we might catch him there..." Sheldon went on. "But I doubt he's gonna listen to any of you right now."
"I go!" it was Amelia who spoke up. "I'm the only one who knows what he's going through. I'm the only one who has been in his situation, and I know how he feels... when... when Sheldon and the others trapped me back then in the practice, all I wanted to do was run away, too... and when Ryan - my fiancée - came to my rescue, it was still what I planned to do. Run away. Until he made me see that this is not the right way and that I have a family... people who love me and care for me..."
"You sure you can do this?" Sheldon asked gently, and it was obvious how much he cared for the woman next to him. "I can come with you."
"No." Amelia replied immediately. "I can do that... please trust me... you all... trust me in this. I know what I'm doing. I will call you as soon as I have found him..."
"Don't come back without him. Please." Lewis literally begged, looking at her with sad eyes. He hadn't thought this evening could get any worse, but now the worst possible thing had happened and he just hoped, Amelia would find Jackson and bring him back, so they could all try and talk to him again.
She nodded and left the apartment and then there was silence. A dead silence. No one obviously wanted to say something. No one wanted to talk, and so they just all stood there in silence, everyone sorting out his thoughts, until the sound of a ringing telephone broke the silence.
"That's mine!" Mark said, pulling the phone out of his pocket and Lewis couldn't help but stare at him.
Something in his gut told him that this phone call could change anything. It was a feeling. A very bad one and he was scared.
He could see the same fear in Alex' eyes, and so he did what he thought was right. He grabbed his hand and held it in his own.
"It's Addison," Mark said and Lewis held his breath when Mark answered the phone.
"Addison, it's not a good time," Mark said, but a mere seconds later the colour drained from his face and he leaned against the wall, trying to keep himself on his feet.
"When?" Lewis heard him ask and he felt like his heart stopped beating.
"Where is he now? How is he?" Mark's panicked voice sounded through the room and Lewis knew immediately that something had happened. That something had happened to Jackson.
"I'll be there as soon as possible," Mark said and when he ended the call, his whole body was shaking and there were tears in his eyes.
"Mark... what's wrong? What happened?" Alex was the first to speak up. He let go of Lewis' hand and moved towards Mark. "What is it?"
"Jackson... there had been an accident... he's injured very badly and they... they are... they are fighting for his life right now..." Mark finally replied, his voice hoarse and tears were running down his face.
"No!" Lewis blurted out. "No no no no no no no... he's on his way to the airport... he can't... that can't be... no..."
He felt like his nightmare had just become even worse and he just wanted to wake up. His whole life was a mess because of himself and if Jackson died now, he would never forgive himself for what he had done to him. He would never be able to live with the fact that he had caused all this. That this was his fault.
Tyler Browning POV:
Tyler couldn't breathe for a solid minute after hearing about Jackson's accident.
Everything within him felt as if it collapsed in on itself and he had to place his hand on the wall to keep steady.
"When you say bad, how bad is it?" Arizona asked and he could hear the woman's voice break. She was standing next to Eli and the man had one arm around her shoulder and the other one around Sasha's. Even though Eli looked as distraught as everyone else he was a solid statue of support.
Looking at Lewis as Alex wrapped the man in his arms Tyler wished he could do the same.
"I-It's not good" Mark told Arizona through his tears "Addison says it's very touch and go. So the sooner we get there the better. In case we have to say-"
"No" Tyler proclaimed "we won't even begin to think that way." He had to take control before people started to fall into their own pit of despair and accomplished nothing.
"We need to get to the hospital" Tyler said "Sheldon you can drive with me and Mark, Eli can take Sasha and April while Alex, Arizona and Lewis can go in Alex's car."
It pained Tyler not to have Lewis with him, but Jackson was the priority and an argument about who Lewis would drive with seemed childish and pointless. Not to mention the obvious tension that would exist if the three were stuck in a car together.
"Let's move" and like that everyone packed up and headed out
It had taken 20 excruciating minutes for Tyler to arrive at the hospital. He didn't want to think about the worst, but he knew he needed to prepare himself. If he walked into the hospital to have a tearful Addison tell him that Jackson didn't make it. That they had tried so hard, but his body just couldn't absorb that kind of pain.
The thought had almost made him ask Mark to pull off to the side of the road so he could vomit.
The mere idea of a world without Jackson Avery seemed...wrong. Fate couldn't be cruel enough to dump so much onto one person and then as a final act of unbridled fury snatch him away in such a violent manner.
That wasn't how fate worked, at least that's what Tyler always believed.
They hadn't been the first to arrive. That had been Eli, Sasha, and April and all three stood around Addison as she gave them something that did not look like good news.
Sheldon had called Amelia on the way to the airport and she arrived soon afterwards.
"Mark...Tyler" Addison said as she hugged both men once they got close enough "I'm so sorry"
"What happened, Addie?" Mark asked still sounding just as broken as he had when he first got the phone call.
"All I know is that Jackson was going through an intersection when Mi...somebody ran into him and it caused Jackson's car to spin and then flip over"
"Oh god' Tyler said as his own tears started to spring "how is he, now?"
The look of sorrow on Addison's face made him prepare for bad news "There's a lot of swelling in the brain and excessive damage to his body" she told both men.
"Can they fix him?" Mark asked and it sounded like such a young thing to say that even though he was dealing with his own grief his heart broke for Mark also.
He was a man who was completely lost.
"They're going to try" Addison said "Michael is looking at his scans now to see-"
"Michael?" Tyler asked "Michael Holt?"
"Yes" Addison's voice was small "he thought-"
"I don't want him anywhere near Jackson" Mark spoke and all the fear was gone. Replaced by something so cold and so angry that it even made Tyler shiver.
"I know that you don't like him Mark, but he could do well"
"I don't want him to have anything to do with Jackson's case, are we clear?" Mark left no room for opposition "Amelia can look at it, or we can call Derek, but I'm not going to have the man who did those horrible things to Jackson be responsible for making him better"
"Okay" Addison said uncomfortably "Amelia, would you mind coming with me?" she asked and the woman nodded yes "You too, Sheldon. I'd like to get your advice about something"
"No problem" Sheldon told her and as they both followed Addison down the hall the remaining group stood in the center of the lobby. Completely unaware on what they should do.
That was until they heard Eli yell.
"April!" looking over the woman was laid out on the floor and there was blood. So much blood.
Tyler and Mark rushed over and as a dozen or so doctors and nurses came the room was in complete chaos.
"She's coding!" one of the doctors said and then she was lifted up onto a rolling bed Eli and Sasha chased after her in order to do whatever they could.
What in the hell was going on?
How had this night turned to such an utterly and complete nightmare?
Then he noticed Lewis was absent.
"Where are Lewis, Alex, and Arizona?" Tyler asked as he looked around and felt a crippling rise of fear in his chest.
"Traffic, maybe" Mark said as he looked around and grabbing his phone Tyler dialled Lewis' number. He was panicking and he knew an attack was almost evident.
What if they had an accident themselves between the apartment and the hospital?
What if they were dying by the side of some road and were going to get wheeled in here just like Jackson?
Suddenly he felt short of breath as he held the phone close to his ear.
"This is Lewis, leave a message"
"Don't do this to me, please" Tyler begged "pick up the phone. I need to hear your voice"
"Tyler?" Mark asked concerned "are you okay?"
He wanted to answer, but his head and mind was nothing but a fuzzy ball of incomprehensible emotions. He had turned to look at Mark when he saw him look towards the door as Lewis walked in followed by Alex.
"Arizona is parking the car" Lewis said as he walked up to Mark and Tyler and was pulled into a tight hug by Tyler.
"What's wrong?" Lewis asked as he hugged the man "Jackson's okay, isn't he?"
Mark scowled at Lewis before turning around and heading off towards where he had seen Addison go.
Tyler let go of Lewis and turned his head to see Mark disappear around a corner.
Looking down at the ground Lewis' guilt spoke volumes "He's never going to forgive me, is he?"
"We're all just a little on edge right now" Tyler told him "it won't last forever"
"Where's April?" Alex asked as he looked around "is she with Jackson?"
The trepidation was all over Tyler's face "Tyler?" Lewis asked "what's wrong?"
Tyler looked at Alex "She's not doing well" he said "she passed out and started bleeding profusely. Eli and Sasha are wit her. Probably in the Gynaecological Wing"
"And you tell me this now!" Alex told him angrily and grabbing Lewis' hand Alex was about to sprint away before Tyler shot his arm out and grabbed hold of Lewis' other hand.
"We need to go see Jackson" Tyler said to him "you need to be there"
Tugging on Lewis' arm the man turned to look at Alex "You promised me" Alex told me "you promised to make this right. Now let's go"
Turning back towards Tyler he could see Lewis' eyes mist over "You and Mark will take good care of him, I know it" Lewis told Tyler "please keep him safe"
"Lewis" Tyler said astonished "what in the hell are you doing?"
"I-" he tried to say, but Alex held firm to his hand and started to drag Lewis down the hall and towards the elevators.
Tyler watched the two men go and stood dumbfounded.
It was official. Nothing in Tyler's world made sense anymore.
Lewis Avery POV:
Lewis couldn't believe all of this was really happening. And adding to that, it all happened way too fast. The way to the hospital had taken them forever - at least it felt like forever, until they finally arrived there and Lewis was in some kind of shock the whole time, just hoping, praying that Jackson was still alive when they arrived there.
The first persons that came to his view when he entered the hospital, alongside Alex, were Mark and Tyler and before he had the chance to react anyhow, Tyler had already pulled him into a very tight hug. One, that made him think that something was completely wrong and his fear for Jackson came out again.
He knew Tyler well enough to know that something had happened, and he just hoped, that Jackson didn't die when they were on the way here. That they had been too slow.
"What's wrong?" Lewis asked, his voice shaking and he hugged Tyler back, holding onto him as long as he could. "Jackson's okay, isn't he?"
He heard Mark scowling and then he was gone as soon as he had appeared. Lewis couldn't blame him, though, even though he also couldn't deny that it somehow hurt him. He and Mark had gotten along so well in the beginning and he had destroyed it all.
"He's never going to forgive me, is he?" he asked, even though he knew the answer, and he was glad - more than glad - that Tyler, despite everything, tried to comfort him with his answer.
"Where's April? Is she with Jackson?" Lewis heard Alex ask, and he had to admit, that just then he noticed her being gone. He hadn't even realized she hadn't been there before that moment, and now he could also tell why Tyler had been so upset the whole time. Because of her. Because something had happened to her.
He could literally feel Alex getting angry at Tyler and when he grabbed Lewis' hand, Lewis couldn't help but stumble behind him a few steps.
Until Tyler grabbed his other hand and held him back.
This was a nightmare. Worse than a nightmare. The two men he loved most in the world were literally fighting for him, without realizing it themselves. They were pulling at him, and Lewis felt like he had to make an impossible decision. One he might regret later. He had to disappoint one of them and no matter what he did, it would be wrong.
Lewis knew he owed it to Alex to be there for him in this situation and he just hoped that he was making the right choice there. Jackson probably didn't want him inside of his room anyways. He was sure if Jackson could speak, he would do anything to keep Lewis from being with him, but Alex really needed him.
So he told Tyler what he thought was the right thing, that he and Mark had to take care of Jackson, and then he turned around.
The tone in Tyler's voice when he called Lewis' name once again, broke something inside of him and he just hated himself for putting him into that position, and a little part of him hated Alex for not even realizing what he was doing to him.
But Alex was in shock too. Not only did his best friend fight for his life, his ex-girlfriend's life was in danger now, too, and he could lose both of them. It wasn't fair of Lewis to judge him for that.
He tried to say something, wanted to apologize to Tyler, but all that came out was a desperate sound, before Alex dragged him down to the elevators and into one of them. Out of Tyler's sight.
When he looked at Alex, he could see the tears in his eyes, tears that Alex probably wasn't even aware of himself.
He pulled him into a tight hug, feeling Alex cling to him and somehow he knew he had made the right decision, because Alex couldn't be alone right now.
"She's gonna be okay..." Lewis whispered into his ear, stroking his back and feeling Alex lean into him even more.
"What if she's not? What if I'm gonna lose her? And our daughter?" Alex sobbed, pressing his face into Lewis' shirt.
"That's not gonna happen, okay?"
Lewis grabbed Alex' face and gently wiped away the tears, looking at him.
"She's strong... I don't know her that well, but she went through hell over the past few months and she still didn't give up. She won't give up now."
"She went through hell because of me... because of us..." Alex gave back, obviously still fighting for countenance. "And she probably won't even want me in there..."
"She will, trust me..." Lewis replied, and when the elevator doors opened, it was on him, to drag Alex out of there.
Immediately, he saw Arizona standing in the hallway, moving up and down in a very nervous state of mind.
"Come on!" he said, pulling Alex with him and stopping in front of her.
"What happened? Do you know anything, Arizona?" Lewis asked, trying to keep focused, even though it was easier said than done. Especially with his fear for Jackson's life at the back of his mind.
"They need to deliver the baby," Arizona said quietly, looking inside the room in which April obviously was right now. "But it doesn't look good. April has lost a lot of blood. Some kind of haemorrhage, and the baby was without oxygen for several moments."
"Oh my god..." Alex blurted out, and his whole body started to shake.
"Go inside... she needs you now, Alex..." Lewis said, rubbing Alex' back and trying to calm him down at least a little bit.
"But they are both in the best hands... Addison is inside and she won't let her die, Alex. You know that. She's the best. She saved Sofia's life... if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have a daughter now..." Arizona tried to comfort Alex, and somehow it seemed to work.
"But I won't go without you," he said, turning to Lewis, and when Lewis nodded, he opened the door and went in.
What they saw was even worse than Lewis had pictured. There was blood everywhere and April looked very pale. There was sweat on her forehead and she obviously was very weak, but at least she was conscious.
"April!" Alex said, storming off to be by her side, and when she recognized him, a small smile crossed her lips and she grabbed the hand she was offering her, leaning against him.
"Addison said they have... they have to get the baby out now... but it's too soon... she isn't ready..." April stammered with tears in her eyes.
"April, listen to me... you can do that..." Alex said, holding her gently and looking at Addison, who had a very serious look on her face.
"What do you need me to do?" Alex asked her, and it was obvious that he was scared.
"She needs to push. I need to get the baby out right now, or she might not make it... it's too late for a c-section, your daughter is already too far down, but April won't push..." Addison explained.
"April... listen to me... you have to do that... for me... for our daughter..." Alex said, gently caressing her face. "She's gonna be okay... you both are going to be okay..."
"I can't... it hurts... it hurts so much, Alex..." April whimpered, trying to keep her breathes steady.
"Yes... yes, you can... April, please... do it for our daughter..." Alex begged, holding her tight. Lewis could see how surprised he was for April to let him be that close to her, but considering the situation she was in, it probably wasn't that surprising.
"Okay..." April cried, leaning against Alex.
"Push, April... push!" Addison instructed her, and she grabbed Alex' hand even tighter than before, doing what Addison had told her.
"Just a little bit... just one more time. Give me one more push..." Addison said and then there was the head of the baby and mere seconds later the whole baby, but it didn't make a sound.
"Why... why isn't she crying?" Alex asked, panicked, and then April's whole body went limp in Alex' arms and she collapsed onto the bed.
"April! April! No, don't do that to me... don't do that to me, please..."
Lewis could see Alex' panicking face and all he wanted to do was to be there for him, to hold him, and so he moved towards him, helping Addison pushing him out of the way, so she could start treating April while Arizona took over to take care of the baby.
"She lost too much blood. Her body was too weak to be able to take the pressure... we need to stop the blood loss, or she will die... We need to take her to an OR. NOW!" Addison shouted, while she and Eli started to take care of April.
"Do something! Please!" Alex literally begged, and Lewis could feel that this was just too much for Alex. Too much to bear.
"Come on... let's get out of here for now... I don't think you should see that..." he whispered, hoping that he could get through to Alex. Watching April in a condition like that, knowing that Alex went though something like that already, he thought it was for the best to not see whatever was going to happen to April. Especially because she was in good hands with Addison, and so was their daughter with Arizona. They would do everything to save both of them, April and the baby, and Alex needed to calm down to be there for both of them later.
Alex Karev POV:
Alex wasn't inside of his body.
The world felt as if it was just out of his reach and no matter how hard he reached it never got close enough to touch. It had been 24 hours ago when he and Jackson had made love. How was it even possible to turn so horrendously horrific in such a short amount of time?
Now, Jackson and April were clinging to a life that was rapidly escaping their grasp and Alex had no idea how to help them.
Seeing April give birth and all that blood, so much blood, he had no idea how a girl so small could survive that. She was strong, but she wasn't invincible.
"Look at me, Alex" Lewis said "I need you to look at me"
He knew the man was worried about him. Despite what happened between them Alex didn't doubt for a minute that Lewis loved him. That had never been the issue with them.
"She's going to die, Lewis" Alex spoke matter-of-factly "she's going to die and that beautiful little girl will never know what a wonderful person her mother was"
"Stop it!" Lewis told him angrily "stop talking like that. April is going to make it" he wrapped Alex up in a hug and whispered in his ear "she didn't fight this hard to give up now. Addison, Eli, and Sasha aren't going to let her"
"He was right, ya know?"
"Who?" Lewis asked.
"Tyler" Alex responded "when he said this was all my fault"
"Alex"
"If I had never gotten involved with April. If I had just let Jackson go to New York they would both be okay right now"
"Listen to me, Alex" Lewis said "you didn't do anything wrong. You loved both of them and you expressing that didn't lead to this, please don't think that way"
Walking over to the empty bench near the wall Alex sat on it and buried his head in his hands. He was crying and even though Lewis had seen him do it before he still felt the shame in it.
Looking up he saw Lewis staring at him with enough sympathy in his eyes to drown the both of them "What am I going to do?" Alex asked "I can't loser her. I don't know what I would do"
Walking over Lewis knelt down in front of Alex and grabbed his hand "You're not going to lose her. I promise you, Alex" he said and brought the man's knuckles up to his mouth in order to give them a kiss.
Lewis deserved better. Alex knew that and he also knew Tyler was the specific better that he deserved. Not to mention the love for April would never really go away. Tonight proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt, but still, Alex just couldn't seem to let Lewis go.
He thought about it and it filled him with a cold terror that Alex couldn't explain. Even before April was struggling for her life she was through with Alex. He couldn't blame her, not after everything he had put her through.
But if he didn't have April then Alex was going to be completely alone and over the past year, first with April, then with Lewis Alex grew to need someone he could call his. He needed someone he could wake up to and spend a life together with.
Of course he would never be Lewis' first choice, but Alex was used to being the consolation prize.
Still, Lewis had a brother who could be dying and Alex couldn't be selfish enough to keep Lewis from that.
"Why don't you go check on Jackson?" Alex said "I know you have to be going insane"
"Tyler and Mark will watch over him" Lewis told him "I'm where I need to be"
The words had touched Alex and leaning forward he gave Lewis a soft kiss "I love you"
"I love you too"
The two hadn't known Sasha was standing beside them until the woman had cleared her throat.
Standing up like a shot Alex felt his hand start to shake and feeling Lewis grab it he held on tightly.
"How is she?" Alex asked "is April okay?"
Her look of sorrow crushed him completely and for just a second he envisioned a life without April Kepner in it and to be honest it was one he didn't want to live in.
"Addison and Eli are still working on her" Sasha told him "but the baby is okay and she's in NICU if you want to see her"
Alex looked at Lewis, his eyes wide and heart beating a mile a minute.
"Come on" Lewis said as he lightly pulled Alex along "let's go see your little girl"
Alex let himself get guided along to the Natal unit and after getting gowned and gloved all three walked in and stood around the glass dome that held Alex and April's daughter.
She was small, but for a preemie a relatively good size. Alex could see April's nose and his ears. The pearl white skin glowed and Alex could feel his chest tighten.
She was here. Alex was a father and even if it was just until April was on her feet again Alex was going to cherish it.
"She's beautiful" Lewis said and with a tear in his eye he pulled Lewis close and looking at Sasha he told her thanks. What she had done for him by helping to bring this little girl in the world was something he would never be able to repay.
"Not necessary" she smiled "the look in your eyes at seeing her is more than enough"
Alex's day may have went from good to bad to worse, but if this little girl was able to fight and claw her way into the world it gave Alex hope.
All was not lost. April could make it, Jackson could survive, and everybody could find a way to come out on the other side.
"She has April's eyes" Lewis said and looking at his baby Alex nodded.
She did and he desperately needed to see those same eyes from April wake up and stare at Alex with the sparkle he missed so badly.
He needed it like he needed air to breath.