A/N: So… and another part… thanks to the people that are STILL sticking with us and commenting here. You're awesome, and you see? I'm REALLY working on updating as often as possible now. I have to say, though, the next 1 or 2 weeks will be kind of stressful for me, but I'm gonna try my best to update latest next weekend… maybe I can manage earlier… =D
And now onto Chapter 66 – Enjoy reading!
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Lewis Avery POV:
"Please god... if you exist, and I'm not even sure if you do, but if you do, please save Jackson's life. I... I know I don't usually do this, but I need you right now..."
Lewis was so lost in his prayers that he didn't even notice he wasn't alone, until he felt a weight on the other end of the bench he was sitting on and then he heard someone clearing his throat.
"I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you..." Eli said, looking at Lewis with a concerned look in his eyes. "But I saw you literally running out here and I... I was worried to be honest..."
"About me?"
Surprised, Lewis looked at him. "Why?"
A small smile appeared on Eli's lips. "Because you're my friend... Or... something like that... And friends care for each other... people here in this hospital care for each other..."
"But I don't deserve it," Lewis gave back. "Not after all I've done... especially to Jackson... You shouldn't be out here."
"May I?" Eli asked, pointing at the free space on the bench between them. After all they were both sitting on one end.
Nodding, Lewis looked at him.
"Of course, sure!"
He waited for Eli to slid closer, before he turned away, looking at his hands.
"I... I really don't get it why people keep being nice to me... I'm a bad person."
"No, you're not... I mean..."
Eli let out a sigh, scratching the back of his neck.
"Maybe a little bit..."
Lewis let out a chuckle. "Maybe much?" He turned back to Eli, watching him closely. He obviously was searching for the right words, and Lewis knew exactly how difficult that was.
"You did bad things... but that doesn't make you a bad person... and even if you are, people can change. A bad person wouldn't care what happens to Jackson..." Eli finally said. "A bad person wouldn't pray for him... you're his brother and you love him..."
"How much of it did you hear?" Lewis asked, feeling slightly embarrassed.
"Enough..." Eli replied. "But don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me."
"Thank you," Lewis smiled, looking into the sky.
"I... I wanna see him... I wanna see Jackson so badly, but Mark... I'm sure Mark won't let me inside of his room, and he has every right to keep me out..."
"No", Eli disagreed. "No, he hasn't. You're his brother after all, and I think it's important that you tell him how you feel, whether he can hear you or not. Maybe he can, maybe he can't, but some things just need to be said."
"Yeah..." Lewis got up from the bench and walked a few steps towards the entrance.
"I can't lose him... He's all I have left."
"That's not true," Eli said. "You have Alex, don't you?"
Shaking his head in shame, Lewis bit his lower lip. "Not anymore... he broke up with me... and now I have lost Tyler, too..."
"How?" Eli wanted to know and he had every right to ask, after all Lewis had said.
"Tyler is... he's the love of my life... I will never love someone the way I love him... but that doesn't mean I can't love someone else," he replied, sinking back down on the bench next to Eli. "Ever since he's back in my life, the feelings are back, too... and at some point I... I wasn't able to control myself anymore... we..."
Sighing out loud, Lewis looked down at his feet.
"You slept together," Eli stated matter-of-factly.
"Yeah... and... if it had happened only once, I could have said it was a mistake, but it wasn't... I've never felt so complete with anyone else... I even wanted to break up with Alex," Lewis admitted. "But then he caught us... and things got really bad... and today... before the accident..." He bit his lower lip, fisting his hands. "Alex asked me to break things off with Tyler so we would have another chance... and I thought it was the right thing to do... I... After all I think I could be happy with him..."
"So you are with Alex?" Eli asked, looking at him.
"No... after I did it... right after I told Tyler that I can't be with him, Alex told me, he doesn't want to be with me anymore either... and that he can't be with me, because his family needs him... he... chose April... and their daughter, and I'm quite sure he's gonna fight for her..." Lewis explained.
"But... but now I'm completely alone... I lost my best friend, I lost the other people I loved most in the world, and now I'm maybe about to lose my brother."
"NO!" Eli said harshly. "No, you won't loose Jackson, okay? I already told you, that's not going to happen. Jackson is a fighter, and he will fight for his life. And you, my friend..." he placed a hand on Lewis' wrist. "You are getting up right now, and you're gonna move your ass in there and fight for your man, or I'll kick your ass pretty hard."
Surprised, Lewis stared at him.
"What?"
"You heard me," Eli replied. "I've seen you two together... Tyler loves you and I'm sure he's gonna forgive you. He knows you just wanted to do the right thing."
"Breaking up with him was not the right thing... even though I could have been happy with Alex I don't think it could have worked out in the long run. I should have thought about it before I made a decision, but instead I just did it..." Lewis replied.
"You're maybe right, but you're a human being, and humans make mistakes. He will understand it eventually," Eli said, patting Lewis' shoulder. "And now go, please. Go, find Tyler and talk to him... you owe it to both of you to at least try, don't you think? If we learned one thing from Jackson's accident, then that life's short. Too short to waste any time..."
"Says the one who doesn't have the balls to tell the girl he likes that he likes her," Lewis said with a soft smile, watching Eli's cheeks turn bright red.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, not even looking up at Lewis.
"Of course not," Lewis replied, finally getting up from the bench again. "Maybe you should listen to your own advice... The way you've defended her before was a clear sign for how much you like her... I know it's not easy, but you might be surprised. Probably she likes you, too, but you let your fear get in your way to experience something wonderful."
He smiled down at him.
"But before you go through with your threat I am going to look for Tyler... right now he's definitely easier to deal with than Mark is."
"You still need to talk to him at some point... Jackson needs all of you right now. All of us. Fighting with each other doesn't make anything better. We need to stick together..." Eli said, causing Lewis to nod.
"I know... I'm... I'm gonna try my best."
"Good boy..." Eli grinned.
Lewis took a few steps towards the entrance, before he turned back to look at Eli once more. "You coming?"
"I'll stay here a few more minutes and clear my mind. And I need to be back in the OR soon for April's second surgery," he replied.
"Okay," Lewis said, and then he went inside, making his way to the ICU first, hoping he would find Tyler there, but he only saw Mark through the window, holding Jackson's hand and talking to him.
It literally broke his heart to see the both of them like that, especially Jackson, and he really wanted to go in there, be with him, show Jackson his support and hoping he would feel that he was there, but instead, he turned around, thinking for a moment.
Where the hell was Tyler? Had he left?
Lewis highly doubted he had just gone home without telling anyone.
He made his way towards the cafeteria, when he heard two familiar voices and when he turned around the corner he saw them. Addison and Tyler. Lost in a conversation, so they didn't even notice him, until they were almost running him over.
"Lewis, hey!" Addison said, looking between him and Tyler. He could tell that she knew something by the way her eyes wandered to Tyler's.
"I need to see Mi... a patient," Addison went on.
Lewis knew that something was up here, but he needed to talk to Tyler right now, so he could care less about whatever was going on with Addison.
"Can I leave you two alone?" she asked, causing Lewis to raise an eyebrow.
"I'm not gonna hurt him or anything like that."
"Oh yeah?" Addison rolled her eyes. "I think you just did."
"This is none of your concern," Lewis replied defensively.
"I told her," Tyler finally said, the first words he spoke ever since they ran into each other, before he turned to Addison. "I think I'll come with you."
"Tyler... I... I need to talk to you, please. It's important..." Lewis literally begged, hoping Tyler would give him a chance to say what he was about to say.
He could see that Tyler was fighting with himself, and that he was still more than just a little hurt and it broke his heart to be the reason for his pain.
"You have one minute," he said. "Not that I think that there is so much you have to say anyways. You made your decision pretty clear before, so if you wanna hurt me even more, save it, okay? I got it."
"I'll leave you two alone, okay?" Addison said, hugging Tyler before she turned around and left.
Being alone with Tyler made Lewis' heart beat faster immediately, because he was scared. Scared that Tyler could turn him down, which he would have every right to do, but something inside of him still hoped that Eli was right: that he would understand.
"Alex broke up with me," Lewis blurted out as soon as he had the chance to do so.
Surprised, Tyler looked up at him. "Why?"
"Because... because he thinks we wouldn't be happy in the long run. And because he thinks it wouldn't be right. And because he loves April and he chose his family," Lewis explained.
"Oh, is that so?" Tyler asked, shaking his head. "That's exactly what I told you. What I've been telling you ever since things with us started again."
"I know... and I... I should have listened to you, but I... I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I owe it to Alex to do whatever he asks me to, and when he asked me to start over with him, I thought I had to do it... to make things right," Lewis said, a desperate tone in his voice.
"And now after he broke up with you, you think you can just come crawling back to me? Just like that? You hurt me, Lewis... you think I can forget what you did that easy?" Tyler asked, the pain visible in his voice.
"No, I..." Lewis bit his lower lip, approaching Tyler and pulling him into his arms. "I love you, Tyler... I... I don't wanna lose you..."
Before Tyler had the chance to say anything more, Lewis pressed him against the wall behind him and kissed him, pressed his lips against Tyler's in a desperate manner and just hoped he would understand. He loved him, he loved him so much, and he needed to show it to him, no matter where they were or who would see them. He couldn't lose him, too. Not now, with everything that was happening in his life.
Tyler Browning POV:
Lewis had been surprised at Lewis' sudden display of affection. The man was never much keen to acts of PDA's so for him to throw Tyler against the wall and kiss him this way was unexpected.
Tyler could feel the man's desperation as Lewis' tongue played over his lips and no matter how mad Tyler was he couldn't deny what his body was feeling.
Grabbing Lewis' hand Tyler pulled him into an empty on-call room and slammed the door shut before placing the lock on. Trapping Lewis between the wall and his body Tyler started to kiss the man's neck as he worked on undoing the man's pants.
Feeling Lewis' own hands work on his belt Tyler crashed their pelvises together "Take off your shoes" Tyler said and without hesitation Lewis did so and kicked them to the side. Getting Tyler's belt loose Lewis pulled it out of its loops and threw it to the side.
Reaching his hands to the hips of Lewis' pants he snagged them down and Lewis kicked them, and his boxers, off. Tyler's entire body felt overheated and he didn't want to think about what he and Lewis were about to do.
He just wanted to bury himself in the man and forget the past 12 hours.
Removing his own pants and boxers Tyler kicked them away and lifted Lewis up so the man could wrap his legs around Tyler's waist.
Tyler was staring into the cobalt blue of Lewis' eyes and he tried to keep the anger out of them, but seeing the slight apprehension and the man's face Tyler knew Lewis was aware of it.
Tyler made quick work of preparing Lewis, pushing two fingers inside of him and scissoring them to loosen him up, but he couldn't wait any longer. That had to do it, even if it meant that he could hurt Lewis. He was too angry to care anyways.
Holding one palm to the wall for balance Tyler grabbed the base of his cock and aligned it with Lewis' opening. He closed his eyes as he laid his forehead upon Lewis' shoulder and buried himself in one big swoop.
The gasp of Lewis told Tyler what it took for the man to take him and Tyler felt proud. He wanted this to burn itself in the man and as he began to thrust he could feel Lewis' nails dig into his back.
Tyler would normally take the time to prepare Lewis carefully. Massage his insides until he was ready and begging for Tyler to take him. The man had no time and if Tyler was being completely honest with himself he was not sure Lewis was worth that effort right now.
He hated himself for the thought. Tyler loved Lewis still and the fact that such anger was still attached to his name...to his face...crushed Tyler and as he increased his thrusts into the man and felt Lewis' legs grip him tighter...grip him closer...Tyler kept his eyes closed.
He heard Lewis whimpering out his name "Tyler, please fuck me" Lewis begged. "Harder, Tyler, harder"
Lewis' voice was working its way through his head and although Tyler knew Lewis was only concentrated on him, was only saying Tyler's name out into the still air of the on-call room Tyler could only see Lewis and Alex in bed together, imagining the number of times the two had made love and suddenly it wasn't Tyler's own name he was hearing, but Alex's.
"Harder Alex" Lewis' voice whispered in his mind "Fuck me harder. Show me what a real man can do"
Tyler's heart was tearing down the middle and he dug his cock into the man harder to try and eradicate those images and words from his mind.
"Tyler" Lewis said as the man is pounding into him "slow down we-"
"Shut up" Tyler warned and for the first time in all the years that Tyler had known Lewis he used that voice. That voice that Jackson had heard only once and afterwards had made him refuse to share a bed with him for three days. The voice that Mark had heard in that elevator and made a chill go down his spine.
He didn't look at Lewis, because if he witnessed the man's face and saw fear Tyler would have to stop and he really didn't want to. So he just went harder, just thrust deeper and grabbing Lewis' cock he started to pump the man furiously.
Lewis hitched his breath and he was already so hard within Tyler's hand. Lewis did not speak, but started to ride Tyler's cock as best he could and after a few minutes he was releasing himself in between their bodies.
Burying his face into Lewis' shoulder further the constriction of his cock all but pulled Tyler's orgasm out and he spilled into Lewis, burning his way through the man's body and for just a brief second everything was okay.
Tyler's world wasn't caving in.
10 minutes later and both men had cleaned themselves and were putting the last of their clothes back on.
Tyler stood on one side of the room and Lewis on the other. It was only a mere 4 feet distance, but to Tyler it felt like a continent.
"T-Tyler?" Lewis asked once he was dressed "I know you can't just forgive me for what I've done, but you have to know I would have chosen you if given the opportunity"
Tyler willed himself to speak evenly "You did have the opportunity, Lewis" Tyler told him "you had it and you chose him"
"What he's done for me since coming here-"
"Has been amazing, I know" Tyler interjected "but he was a man who was close to losing everything. You should have known he was holding onto you for that reason. I told you this would happen"
He could see Lewis' eyes start to mist over "I'm trying, Tyler" he said "I've fucked up so badly and I was trying to fix it"
"By breaking my heart...again?"
"No" Lewis was wringing his hands "You are stronger than both, me and Alex, and I knew you could handle things that we never could"
"Don't give me that" Tyler said "you were a coward and refused to let Alex hate you so you sacrificed what made you truly happy to satisfy a man who was drowning in grief"
"I-"
"Tell me, Lewis" Tyler walked up and stood in front of the man "If Alex hadn't sent you away would you be here right now? Would we have done what we just did?"
Seeing Lewis look away gave Tyler his answer.
"I watched you walk out of my life twice, Lewis" Tyler told him "leave me with no chance and no hope, but things are different now"
Lewis looked up at him with tears streaming down his face and Tyler refused to comfort him, no matter how badly he wanted to "What does that mean?"
"It means now I get to finally be the one who walks away" Tyler walked past Lewis and unlocked the door before opening it.
"I'm moving on, Lewis. I suggest you do the same" and with that Tyler walked out.
He made it out before Lewis could see him cry and walking towards Holt's room Tyler focused on what was to come.
Getting the truth from Michael and trying to help Jackson get better. That was all he had right now.
Michael Holt POV:
Michael hadn't really been comfortable with Addison's suggestion to let a guy named Sheldon Wallace talk to him about the accident. He was a psychiatrist. A shrink or something like that, and talking with a complete stranger about something so personal made Michael really anxious.
If it was E-Mo, it would have been okay, probably, because E-Mo was his friend. But E-Mo wasn't here and even if he called him, he wouldn't be here in time to really help.
So he had to trust Addison, to know what she was doing and what she was talking about when she mentioned Dr. Wallace. She seemed to have a really high opinion of him, and the worst that could happen was that he couldn't remember after all. Or that he could remember.
Michael didn't know which one was worse right now. Depended on what he would be able to remember in the end.
If this accident had been his fault, he didn't know how he could ever look Lewis in the eye again. How he could ever forgive himself for what he had done.
Addison had left a while ago and he was now studying Jackson's scans. The ones Chief Hunt had brought him a while ago. He knew he could help Jackson, if he could just get in there and do his magic. He had done procedures like that a dozen times and he could do them in his sleep, he knew it. He just needed to release the pressure in Jackson's brain and the kid could be completely okay again.
Michael doubted that Mark would let him near Jackson, though, but he was also sure that they couldn't wait forever. That he needed to do the surgery as soon as possible or Jackson was at risk of sustaining lasting damages.
A knock at the door pulled him out of his thoughts and he put Jackson's scans aside and sat up on the bed.
"Yes?" he shouted towards the door, a part of him hoping that it was Addison who would show up when the door opened, but it wasn't her.
Instead, a man Michael didn't know entered the room. A man with a suit.
"Hello," he said, reaching his hand to Michael. "I'm Dr. Sheldon Wallace. Addison... Dr. Montgomery sent me, because she said you couldn't remember about what happened before the accident."
Well. At least he came straight to the point without beating around the bush. An attitude, Michael really appreciated.
"I remember that I was on my way home from work... and then everything is blurry... I only remember broken bits and pieces. Addison told me you could probably help me."
"I might," Sheldon replied, pulling a chair close to the bed and sitting down. "But for what I plan to do, you need to trust me. Do you think you can do that?"
Biting his lower lip, Michael looked at the guy.
"I trust Addison, and she trusts you, so yes... I think I can do that."
"Good," Sheldon nodded. "You wanna get started right away?"
Now it was on Michael to nod. "Yes... the sooner the better..."
"Lay back and close your eyes," Sheldon instructed, and somehow even his voice had a calming tone.
"Are you going to hypnotize me?" Michael asked sceptically, because that was something he wasn't up to after all. Not that he was scared, but he had heard things about people in hypnosis and he didn't even want to know what he was capable of in a situation like that.
"No!" Sheldon assured him. "I'm just helping you to calm down... to let your memories find you... you're really stressed out right now, and you can only find out what happens, if you really open up to it, no matter what the consequences are. You need to know that you could find something you don't want to find."
"I don't care," Michael replied. "I need to know the truth, whether I like it or not. I owe that to Lewis should he ask me. And moreso, to Jackson."
"Okay... then... try to lay down and relax... just listen to my voice... can you do that for me?" Sheldon asked, causing Michael to nod
He sank back into the pillows and closed his eyes, concentrating on Sheldon.
"Take long, deep breathes and let your mind drift back to the moment you got into your car..." Sheldon said.
Michael was surprised to see that it really worked. He felt like he was really back in his car and saw himself getting inside and starting the engine. He could even feel all the things he felt in that moment, and the memories of Meredith kissing him and him almost making another mistake was still fresh.
"Can you tell me what you're doing right now?" Sheldon's voice sounded in his ears. "Can you tell me where you are and what you feel?"
"I feel distracted..." Michael admitted. "A lot has happened today... but still I'm on my way home... I can see myself pulling out of the parking lot and making my way towards my apartment..."
"Where are you right now?" Sheldon asked.
Feeling his heartbeat quickening when he realized what he was seeing, Michael took a deep breath.
"I have to stop at a traffic light... it's red... but it turns green after only a few seconds..."
"And then?" Sheldon wanted to know, but he could obviously feel how uncomfortable Michael was right now, because Michael could feel one of his hands at his wrist, checking his pulse. "Try to breathe slowly and steady... try to concentrate on the situation. What do you see?"
"I... I put in the gear when the traffic light turns green and I start driving again... and then there is... there is this car... a red one... I try to stop. I hit the brakes, but I can't stop and I... I hit the other car... I... My head starts hurting and I think I'm passing out for a few seconds..." Michael stammered, being unable to breath for a moment. "When I get out of the car there is blood, so much blood and then I see Jackson and then... oh my god..."
"Michael! Michael!" Sheldon's voice got more and more penetrating and jerkily, Michael opened his eyes and sat up, trying to get some air.
"I can't breath..." he choked out and then Sheldon was in his focus.
"Yes, you can... just look at me... look me in the eyes and force your body out of this panic attack, okay? I'm here. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
Michael nodded and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, letting Sheldon's voice help him through this, and if he didn't know before why Addison had recommended him, he knew now. He was really good, and he knew what he was doing.
"Better?" he heard Sheldon ask and nodding, he opened his eyes again.
"Yes! Much better..." Michael replied, and he really was. Not only because he could breath again, but also because he knew now that this accident wasn't his fault. Whatever had happened, he couldn't have done anything about it. He couldn't have avoided the collision. No one could have.
There was another knock at the door and when it opened, Addison appeared in the doorframe. But she wasn't alone, there were two policemen standing behind her.
Feeling a cold shiver run down his spine, Michael took a deep breath.
"Michael?" Addison said, moving closer towards the bed. "There are two officers here wanting to ask you about the accident... you think that's okay?"
"If not..." One of the policemen said. "We can come back later..."
Michael shook his head. "No... it's okay..." He looked at Sheldon who gave him a reassuring nod, waiting for the police officers to come closer.
"We just have a few questions about how things went down. We checked the traffic light at the scene and it's perfectly fine," one of the officers told him, and that moment it hit Michael.
It wasn't his fault, it was Jackson's, and after all he knew, Jackson might not have been sober the time of the accident. If the police found out about him taking drugs and causing an accident being drugged up to the eyeballs, it would not end well for him. And after all, it was Michael's fault that he was in this state.
"It was my fault," Michael replied before the officers could ask any questions, noticing Sheldon staring at him in shock. But he also knew that Sheldon wasn't allowed to say anything. Doctor-patient confidentiality and such. What he had told Sheldon would stay between them, no matter whether Sheldon liked it or not.
"You sure about that? What you're saying is pretty serious, Dr. Holt," one of the officers said, looking at him.
"I'm aware of that... but I wasn't drunk or anything like that... you can check my blood and such... I was distracted on my way home and I think I have missed that the traffic light was red. I hit the brakes but it was too late. I couldn't stop the car anymore and I crashed into the other car," Michael explained, trying not to look all too nervous. He needed to sell his story. He needed them to believe him.
"Maybe you should come back later," Addison interjected. "I think the painkillers are still clouding Dr. Holt's mind and I'm not sure how reliable he is right now."
"It's not necessary," Michael tried to say, but got interrupted by Addison immediately.
"Yes it is... I have to ask you to leave now, gentlemen."
"Of course, no problem..." The policemen said. "We'll come back some other time."
"Thanks," Addison replied, guiding them outside, while Sheldon turned to Michael.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Do what?" Michael asked innocently.
"Lie to the police... what you just told them is not what you told me," Sheldon replied.
"What makes you think I lied to them and not to you?" Michael asked, knowing that Sheldon didn't buy it for a second. "I just... I have to do this, okay? If I don't, Jackson is gonna be in big trouble."
"If you go through with this, you might be the one in trouble. After all, Jackson got injured pretty badly," Sheldon warned.
Nodding, Michael looked at him. "I know... and that's exactly why I have to go through with it..."
He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, a shocked Addison came to his view. Shit. She shouldn't have heard any of this and he just hoped, she didn't hear enough to make any sense out of this, because then she would probably try to keep him from doing what he was about to do. But he had to do it anyways. He had to protect Jackson, no matter what it meant for himself or his career.
Addison Montgomery POV:
Addison hadn't wanted to leave Tyler alone with Lewis. Not after hearing how badly the man had hurt her friend, but she knew it wasn't her place to stop the two from talking.
Besides, after hearing Tyler talk as they ate it was pretty clear the man was done with Lewis Avery for all intents and purposes.
24 hours ago Addison would have thought that the idea was a mistake, but knowing what she knew now Tyler deserved someone better than a man who couldn't seem to ever put him first.
All that had to be put to the back of her mind for the time being. Right now she had to concentrate on Michael and making sure he was okay. The man was currently talking to Sheldon and if anyone could help Michael remember what had occurred it was him. Sheldon was the best Psych Therapist she had ever known and considering how many Addison had dealt with over the years that was quite an achievement.
"Excuse me Ms.?" a man said from behind her and turning around Addison was surprised to see a police officer standing there "I'm looking for a Michael Holt"
Alarm bells went of automatically "Michael Holt?"
"Yes" the man said politely "we have some questions about an accident that occurred this evening"
Addison could lie and pretend as if she didn't know who Michael was, but it would only prolong the inevitable. If Michael had to be questioned it would be best that she was there while it happened.
"Oh yes" she said "the accident. I was just heading there now; you can follow me" and turning to walk towards Michael's room she willed herself to stay calm.
Once the two arrived the next 10 minutes passed like a blur.
Michael's confession had obviously been a lie if the shocked look on Sheldon's face was any indication. Then telling her and Sheldon that this was something he had to do made her irrationally angry.
"Sheldon?" Addison asked "Can you give us a minute?"
Her friend looked hesitant, but in the end just nodded his head "I'll come back in a couple minutes"
Once Sheldon was gone Addison turned and stared at Michael.
"I know what you're going to say" Michael started before being cut off.
"That you are doing something so monumentally stupid that it kind of astounds me?" Addison folded her arms across her chest "Is that what you think I was going to say"
Michael looked down at his lap "You don't get it" he told her.
"No" Addison corrected "I do get it. You want to fall down on the sword to protect Jackson, because you feel so guilty about what you've done that you feel you need to be punished"
"Don't I?" Michael asked her "Don't I deserve it after all I've done to him?"
Addison felt horrible for him "You can't possibly punish yourself more than you already are, Michael" she said "and if Jackson did cause this accident covering it up for him isn't going to help him at all"
"I destroyed his life" Michael told her bluntly "I know people say that flippantly, but in this case it's actually true"
"Micha-"
"I got joy out of seeing how far I could push him" Michael said "it became like a game to me and I didn't care how badly he was hurting"
Addison knew this was something Michael needed to get out so holding herself tightly she let him continue.
"You know once he even begged me to stop." Michael told her "Between me and Lewis it had obviously become too much, but did I? Of course not"
"Nobody is saying you're innocent, but the fact that you're willing to sacrifice your whole career in amends says something"
"You know the night I made him believe we slept together he was completely out of it" Michael said "if I wanted to I could have had sex with him and there was nothing he could have done about it"
"But you didn't" Addison responded as she took a seat on the bed "you're not a monster"
"Only because sleeping with another guy, no matter how pretty they are, doesn't do anything for me. If it didn't who's to say I wouldn't have? Teach him a lesson and all that B.S. those freaks excuse themselves with"
"If I had been in Jackson's place, would you had done it?"
Michael's eyes went wide "Never!" he told her adamantly "I could never..."
"And you wouldn't have with Jackson either" Addison said "I know you believe that you're a horrible person, but you're really not"
"You sound so sure" Michael said.
"I've met some in all my years and none of them ever feels the guilt you do" Addison told him.
A small smiled appeared on Michael's face and Addison smiled in return.
"That's why I have to do this, Addison." Michael said "If I have any hope of feeling like a good person again I have to make this right"
Addison hated the whole situation.
"Between me and Jackson if he gets blamed for this his punishment will be so much worse"
Addison knew he was right, but that didn't mean she had to like it "They'll hate you" Addison said.
"They already do" Michael told her "at least now I can live with myself for the reasons. Promise me you and Sheldon won't say anything?"
"I really don't like it, but I'll make sure he keeps quiet" Addison said "but in exchange you have got to stop hating yourself"
"I'm going to work on it" Michael said "promise" and grabbing her hand Michael held it tight in his "thank you" and the feeling that ran through her was unexpected and something she hadn't felt in quite some time.
Pulling her hand back she smiled "I better head out" she told him as she stood "I should really check on Mark"
"Oh, okay" he told her "I'll see you later?"
"You bet" and turning around she headed out the door and once in the hall she leaned against the wall.
She couldn't be getting feelings for Michael Holt, she just couldn't be.
She was still processing when she heard her name once again and looking to the side she could see Lewis approach and she let out an inwardly groan.
"Dr. Montgomery" Lewis asked "have you seen Tyler?"
She was really not in the mood for this.
"Not since you two were talking" she said and with a nod Lewis was about to walk away "but if you're up for some friendly advice I suggest you let this go"
That had stopped Lewis in his tracks and turning back around Lewis stared at her "Excuse me?"
"I'm just saying Tyler has let me in on what you two have been dealing with and while I'll admit I was surprised about you and Alex staying together I think Tyler deserves the chance to move on"
"Pardon me, Dr. Montgomery, but me and Tyler are really none of your fucking business" Lewis had been crying. Addison could tell and she had a feeling Tyler had finally put an end to them for good.
"Tyler is my friend" Addison said "I know things are really hard for everyone right now. So maybe we can all just go our separate ways and try to focus on what's important and that's Jackson"
"Don't pretend like you know Tyler, or me, or even Jackson and have any right to give your half-assed advice"
Addison could feel herself getting angrier "Don't you think you've caused enough damage?" she asked Lewis "Jackson and now Tyler. You're right that I don't know you, Lewis, but what I do know isn't exactly stellar"
The words were like a slap to Lewis' face "Whatever" he said through gritted teeth "but for the record me and Alex aren't happening. So don't you worry I won't have the chance to fuck-up another life"
Lewis stormed down the hall and Addison felt horrible watching him go. She knew it was misdirected anger and sure she wasn't a big Lewis Avery fan, but it was obvious the man was going through hell right now.
Brilliant, Montgomery, just brilliant.
Lewis Avery POV:
Lewis hadn't felt this alone in his whole life. Not that he could remember. He had cried for what had felt like hours after Tyler had left, still not able to wrap his mind around the fact that it was over. Really over.
And now him running into Addison, who seemed to hate him, too. For what he did to Tyler. Not that he could blame the woman. She barely knew him and what she knew was that he was a cheater and a liar. And a coward. A coward because he ran away from his own feelings.
Tyler had every right to leave him, he couldn't even blame him. Quite the opposite. He would probably have done the same if the roles were reversed. Tyler was so much better off without him, he was just too egoistic to admit it until now.
He had wanted to talk to Tyler one more time, just to clear the air, but obviously for Tyler the air was more than clear. He had even told Addison that they were broken up, and even though Lewis really wanted to fight for him, he doubted it would make much sense right now.
Feeling so lost and lonely was a bad feeling, though. A feeling he didn't know in this extend.
It was like for the first time in his whole life he understood what he had done to Jackson. He had caused him to feel exactly what Lewis felt now. He had made the biggest mistake of his life when he had started to isolate him from all his friends, and worse: from the man he loved.
Making his way towards the ICU Lewis stopped when he stood in front of Jackson's room, looking through the window.
Mark was with his brother. Of course he was. Where else would he be?
Lewis was sure he hadn't left his side ever since they all arrived at the hospital, and once more he realized how much Mark loved Jackson and that he needed to know that Jackson never cheated on him. He was the only one to know this - or so he thought - and Mark had a right to find out about it.
He knew he would go behind Michael's back with this, but since he and Michael weren't talking anyways, he didn't care anymore. Things couldn't get much worse.
Knocking at the window softly, he waited for Mark to spot him, and when he did, his painful look turned into an angry one. A look full of hate towards him.
Lewis watched him kissing Jackson on the forehead and then he came out of the room, looking at Lewis.
"What do you want? I already told you that you can't see him..." His voice had an icy tone that send shivers down Lewis' spine and he hated it already, wasn't sure anymore if being honest to Mark in this situation would do any good.
"I'm his brother," Lewis replied calmly. "I have a right to see him. Please... just give me a few minutes..."
Crossing his arms over his chest, Mark shook his head.
"No! You've done enough damage... God knows what you're going to do if you're inside... maybe finishing your job..."
"What?" Lewis blurted out. "You really think I could hurt Jackson?"
Mark let out a sarcastic laugh. "If you think that's funny, it's not... it's your fault that Jackson fights for his life right now. If you had stayed where you were, and if you wouldn't have sent your watchdog first, we could be happy right now. You destroyed everything for him, and you really think I would let you near him ever again? Besides... I don't think he would want you in there."
Mark looked him directly in the eye, and somehow the despisement that lay in Mark's eyes hurt Lewis deep inside.
"You're saying you're his brother... if you are, and if you really care for Jackson then leave him the fuck alone... Take Michael and Tyler with you and just leave... and never come back... we're better off without you."
Each and every word was like someone was twisting the knife that was stuck inside of Lewis' heart and he felt the tears burning in his eyes.
"I love him... I know I haven't shown it to him at all, and I know what I did... but he's my brother and I... I will never forgive myself if he dies..."
"You think crying will get you anywhere?" Mark asked coldly, and it became harder and harder to be here with every second, but he knew he deserved every treatment he got and so he stayed.
"No... but I mean what I said..." Lewis cried, feeling so weak and vulnerable all of a sudden.
"Please, Mark. Please. I'm begging you... give me two minutes with him... You can even stay and watch... I swear, I won't do anything to him... just let me go in there for a moment..."
He watched Mark biting his lower lip and obviously his words did something to him. Something he didn't really like, judging by the sudden look on his face.
"Okay. Fine. I'll go grab a cup of coffee..." Mark finally gave in, and Lewis couldn't believe it.
"Really?"
"Yes, really... and now I'm gonna leave before I change my mind. You have ten minutes." Mark replied, and then he turned around.
Lewis watched him talk to Eli, and he could feel them looking at him, when he made his way inside of Jackson's room, using the hand sanitizer and then sitting down at the chair next to Jackson's bed.
"Hey little brother..." he said, trying to wipe his eyes clean from the tears, but there were always coming new ones. Jackson looked so pale and fragile, and it hurt Lewis more than he dared to admit to see him like that.
"I bet I'm the last person you expected to see here... and if you were awake, you would probably scream at me to get out... but I just needed to see you..."
Leaning forward, Lewis gently touched Jackson's bruised face. He had a cut on his left cheek and a few bruises everywhere - most likely from the glass of the windshield.
Grabbing Jackson's hand, Lewis started stroking the back of it.
"You have to come back to me... to us... do you understand? You need to wake up... you need to be okay... please... please be okay... you can hate me as much as you want, you can tell me you never wanna see me again, as long as you just open your eyes and look at me..."
Taking a few deep breaths, it took Lewis a few moments to go on speaking.
"I'm so, so sorry for what I did to you... I should have never come here in the first place, and neither should Michael have... then you could be happy right now... But I swear I will make it up to you... I will do everything in my willpower to make things better between us."
Wiping at his eyes again, Lewis brought Jackson's hand to his cheek.
"I love you, Jackson. You're my little brother and even though you hate me, I won't leave you again, I promise. I will do everything in my willpower for us to have a real relationship, no matter what it takes, just please... please don't die, okay? From now on, you can count on me... I will protect you, no matter what... just like you protected me when we were little..."
Even though he still felt totally broken, he had to smile about this memory.
"Remember Charlie? The son of our neighbours... he was bothering me for weeks and I was just too weak to defend myself... you were about five... and I was like ten... and when he came around one day and started to hustle me, you were just there. You jumped at him and punched him and then you broke his nose... Mom had to apologize to his parents for your behaviour..."
Rubbing his cheek on Jackson's hand, Lewis went on.
"You protected me just like that, even though I was the older brother and it should have been me to protect you. It should always have been me, but I failed you... But I swear, that won't happen again... you will get through this and then I will prove to you that I can be the brother you always longed for... we can make things work, Jackson..."
Slowly, he let go of Jackson's hand, got up from he chair and leaned over him.
"I have to go now... But Mark will be back soon... I just don't want to upset him anymore... Hang in there, Jackson. I'll be here if you need me... right outside... I'm not gonna leave you."
He placed a soft kiss on Jackson's forehead, before he turned around and left his room, literally running into Eli, who was standing right in front of the window.
"Mark asked you to watch me, so I wouldn't hurt Jackson, didn't he?" Lewis asked, noticing immediately, that Eli felt uncomfortable admitting to it.
"It's okay... really... I understand. I would probably have done the same if it was the other way round..."
"It still doesn't make it okay. You're his brother, and if Owen wouldn't be so nice, he would be the one kept out, since he's not even Jackson's boyfriend anymore." Eli replied.
Nodding, Lewis looked at him.
"I know... but he's the one Jackson needs to get better and I wouldn't want it any other way... Mark needs to be with him in there..."
"You really want to make things right with him, don't you?" Eli asked, and something in the way he said it, made all hell break lose again and another well of tears burst out of Lewis.
"Yes. Yes I do..." he sobbed, hating himself for being so fragile. "I'm... I'm sorry... it's just... I don't know what to do anymore..." he admitted. "Maybe I... I should just leave and never come back..."