Again, a long while ago…
Elle stood still, feeling the ground beneath her feet, feeling the air and the wind in her hair and on her skin. Soft like a breath. The blindfold around her eyes shielded her vision, but she really didn't need to see. Not really anyway. She saw everything with the force.
She connected with it and could feel her entire environment. The wooden staff in her hands felt light and cold—hard, and she felt two figures in the space with her, but only one spoke. Killian, her mentor, spoke softly about the importance of combat, with a saber and hand to hand. And distilling the idea of fair fight and the importance of respect.
"While you may be quite versed in hand to hand, I think you need some work with visualizing your surroundings and fighting against another who's strength and skill equal your own or far exceed it. Are you ready?"
"Always." Elle said. Still blind to the person in front of her but she felt a strong connection to them, to him. In her mind he was becoming more clear. She felt him jump forward but she dodge his first jab. Then another. She heard a sigh come from him and she quickly lunged forward, knocking against his own staff then she caught him in the back, forcing him to the ground.
"You gotta be kiddin' me." The man muttered to himself and Elle smiled. She faintly heard Killian chuckle.
"Let's go again." Elle insisted. The man stood back up and she readied herself. She hear the shuffle of his feet but his upper body movement seemed off. Quickly she caught his staff above her head and yanked it out of his hands, now with two. She threw it back to him and he caught it. "Come on, old man."
"Old man?" He chuckled and went for her again but she blocked every move. Then he found an opening, striking a blow to her ankles and knocking her onto her back. He stood above her, casting a long shadow. "Watch your feet kid, they're your biggest weakness—if it can even be called that." He chuckled to himself.
Elle nodded and slipped her blind-fold off. She saw the man standing above her, blond graying hair with a neatly trimmed beard in white robes. He held out his hand and she took it as she stood.
"Elle Gana."
"I know," he shook her hand and smiled brightly, "Luke."
"Pleasure to meet you, Luke."
"She is endlessly frustrating, isn't she?" Killian spoke as Luke approached him, leaving Elle to her stretches. Luke let out a huff.
"Frustrating, but skilled."
"She will not fight without being provoked. Never seen the natural trait in a Jedi before, even untrained she makes the decisions of a master. Instinctual. Practical."
Luke paused, "Then your prediction was correct. I must say Nori I was hesitant on you taking this girl in but she's proven herself."
"You know who she reminds me of?" Killian said softly, watching Elle take a seat on the hillside and close her eyes. Luke smirked, "She does things her own way, much like an old friend of mine.
Luke watched Elle as she slowly breathed out, asleep letting the binary sunset wash over her, "I thought so too. Qui-Gon Jinn."
Currently…
"Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone's hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours."
"Did you always want to be a pilot?" Elle asked Poe softly. The fire across the room danced a soft yellow haze across their skin. It was dreamy, and mystical.
"Always. My mother was a pilot for the rebellion before I was born. I think I was born knowing how to fly an X-wing." Elle smiled gently, thinking about her own life and the struggle with her so called destiny. She wondered to herself what it would have been like to choose without the guilt.
"And you enjoy it? Flying for the Resistance?"
"Of course." He said softly, "I've never questioned it. It—it feels right
to me, always has." Elle touched his cheek and traced the sharp bone to his temple. "Did you want to be a Jedi? Were either of your parents Jedi?" Poe asked excitedly and Elle chuckled.
"I didn't know what a Jedi was. My mother and father were farmers, either they were blind to my sensitivity to the force, or were too afraid to bring it up. It was a tense time after all. I think they were trying to protect me." Poe nodded.
"So how did you find out? You know, that you were force sensitive?"
Elle huffed out, "I was about five at the time, it was one morning and I
was helping my mother garden when a large ship landed very close to our home, the wind nearly ripping our flowers from the flower beds. I got so upset and marched straight over to the ship and force pushed it as far as I could. Then I got on board as the ramp was lowering and pushed the man walking out across the bay and stole his weapon, which happened to be his lightsaber." Elle chuckled, "That man turned out to be Killian Nori."
"You're kidding me?"
"Nope, and he never let me forget that day either. Calls me too gutsy for my own guts-called, at least...from that day he took me under his wing for the next twelve years." Elle looked at Poe who was leaning against his fist, propped up by his elbow, sharing with her a completely enthralled and fascinated expression.
"That's amazing. He must have kept you a secret, we all thought the Jedi were extinct except for Luke Skywalker." Elle drew circles into the fabric of the sheets as she thought.
"He wanted me on the sidelines, to only intervene when things got really bad—if they did at all. He assumed I would be abused, or hunted. It terrified me-it still terrifies me...I don't know if that First Order ship landed here by mistake, or if they landed here for a purpose-and if that purpose was for the planet...or for me. And to answer your first question—no, I don't think I ever wanted to be a Jedi…but the choice wasn't mine." Poe took her hand and gently caressed it.
"The fight, out there-it's dangerous for all of us. I know you're scared
but Elle...the things I've seen you do I didn't even know the Jedi were
capable of doing. There's so much strength within you and I feel like it's not being used to its full potential. Your full potential. You may not have wanted to be a Jedi but you still choose to be."
Elle chuckled, "You sound like BB."
"BB is a smart droid. You are far more brave than I could ever be, Elle." His hand rested over her heart, his thumb caressed the smooth skin of her chest. "I can feel it."
Elle closed her eyes and sighed out. "You want to know something really terrible?"
Poe wrapped his arm around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. "What?"
"You're right, I am a Jedi and I'm breaking the biggest code I committed to during my training."
"Which is?"
"You."
"Me? Is there a specific code about staying clear of Resistance pilots or something?" He chuckled.
Elle smirked but stayed serious, "No, this. Intimacy, forming attachment...it's forbidden."
"Jedi aren't allowed to love." Poe said softly, not as a question. He knew it just as much as she did.
"It makes us vulnerable to the dark side, emotion. It's a bunch of nonsense." Poe smiled, "We're supposed to repeat this mantra of "No emotion, only peace. No death, only the Force." But I find comfort in my ability to love, a rebellion of love. If the Jedi cannot love, then how can we possibly understand the totality of life we vow to protect? I've always thought the real reason people turn to the dark side is their lack of empathy, not the embrace of it. But what do I know?"
Poe nodded, considering her words, "If you think about it, being one of the last Jedi in the galaxy you can really just pick and choose which codes you want to follow, since there isn't anyone to hold you accountable anymore." Poe said simply and Elle chuckled.
"You have a good point there," Poe kissed her jaw and ear and cheek and landed at her lips. Slowly Elle crawled on top of him and smiled. "Have any other good points you'd like to share?"
Poe gripped her hips tightly, "More than you can imagine."
They spoke together for what seemed like hours, soft whispers and laughs and kisses. Poe slipped in several times how much of a difference she could make in the resistance, but Elle felt neutral still, and mildly scared.
By the end of the night, a night that turned out very differently than Elle had anticipated, Poe left.
"I don't know when I'll be able to come back." He said, running his fingers through her hair, sadness in his voice. "You could come back with me though. You could see me everyday." Elle smiled but shook her head.
"Maybe someday."
"Alright, that's all I can hope for." He accepted defeat as Elle slipped her arms around his torso and thought about that word: hope. "Oh and I put a communication antennae on your BB-8 and rerouted the default system, so he should be able to connect to mine directly, you know, just in case."
Elle smiled gently, "In case of what?"
"In case you're particularly lonely or missing me-or, you know, you get shot with another blaster, I'd like to know." Elle chuckled and Poe took a step back, "I'll see you soon, Ellie." Elle rolled her eyes at the nickname and waved.
"Be careful."
"Never." Poe retorted, gave her a wink, and climbed into the ship.
Elle sighed and watched the ship fly out of the hemisphere. She'll miss him, but she enjoyed her solitude. Especially after a busy couple of days.
She stood outside for a while letting the previous day's experiences settle in her memory, enjoying the soft cold breeze and the snow falling down, as always.
Suddenly she felt a snow ball hit her back. She turned around quickly to see BB-8 perk up and turn it's dome away from her, pretending like she wasn't there. Elle smiled and picked up a clump of snow and threw it at it. BB-8 whirred and started building another as Elle quickly ran away.
She was swiftly caught up in how happy she was in that moment and after Poe, this flighty feeling of felicity. A contentment that filled her to her toes.
But this brief moment of happiness wouldn't last long.