A/N: Sorry for the wait again, but I hope, the length of this chapter will make up for the wait. There is just a lot going on at the moment and a lot to do before Christmas (which is only about a month away) but I hope I will be able to post at least once a week. I'll try my best, but I can't promise anything!
Thanks for the comments again! We're glad you're still reading our fic!
And now enjoy Chapter 67!
…
Eli Lloyd POV:
Eli came from a big family.
4 brothers and 3 sisters, not including himself, to be exact. Growing up in that kind of environment would make most people run for the hills once they were old enough to make it on their own. Anywhere that offered space and peace of mind sounded like heaven after spending an entire childhood surrounded by people on all sides.
Not Eli, though. He loved that he always had somebody to talk to, or hang out with, when he was younger. To have siblings to look over and make sure they steered clear of trouble. Sure, they all had their fights, but never for one second did Eli feel unloved or unwanted when it came to his place in the family.
He forgot that not all families were like his. Some were only children who needed to look for outside influences to gain a sense of comradeship.
Then came the families like Lewis and Jackson Avery. Brothers who were seemingly that in name only. Forced to consider themselves families simply because they were born to the same people, but if given the choice would never share the same blood.
Up until 20 seconds ago that was the opinion that Eli Lloyd had about Lewis Avery. Sure the man had tried to help Jackson these last few weeks, but Eli had chalked it up to guilt and the need to not hate himself.
It was never love because Eli could never do the kinds of things to his own brother he had seen Lewis do. But now seeing the man standing in front of him a ball of emotions Eli could never question how much the man loved Jackson.
"Have you eaten yet?" Eli asked and Lewis shook his head.
"I'm not really that hungry"
"You have to eat something" Eli told him as he placed an arm around Lewis' shoulder and guided him to the cafeteria "the last thing Jackson needs is you passing out from malnourishment"
Lewis put up no fight and let himself be lead.
Once the two had their food and drinks they grabbed a table.
"How are you doing?" Eli asked and Lewis looked up with a hint of surprise in his face.
"Something wrong?" and shaking his head Lewis took a drink of his bottled water.
"It's just nobody has really asked me that" he said "I wasn't expecting it"
"This certainly can't be easy on you" Eli spoke and Lewis shrugged his shoulders.
"Jackson is the only one we need to worry about"
"Well, that's not true, is it?" Eli said "There's Mark and Tyler, Alex and April, and you too"
Looking at Eli Lewis' voice took on a sombre expression "The only difference is none of them are the reason that Jackson is even in that bed right now"
"And you are?" Eli questioned.
"If I hadn't come here and started all this mess..." Lewis said "if I had just let him be happy…"
Eli could only imagine the pain that Lewis was going through as the man laid the world upon his shoulders "You were smiling when you talked to him, what was that about?"
That had gotten the first smile from Lewis he had seen all night "I was talking about how he stood up for me when we were kids" Lewis told him "despite me always being bigger and broader than Jackson he had an ocean full more of tenacity and courage than I ever had"
"What do you mean?"
"This kid, a neighbour of my folks, had been picking on me for weeks and he was bigger than I was so I was too scared to stand up for myself and one day he tried to steal my brand new bike. He pushed me to the ground and all you heard was this loud yell and before I knew it Jackson, 5 years old and barely 40 pounds jumped on the guy and just smashed his fist into the guy's nose."
Eli chuckled at the image in his head "Sounds like a tough little kid"
"He was" Lewis told him and his voice suddenly sounded higher, happier "My mother practically dragged him by his ear to go apologize to the kid's mother and the whole time Jackson just smiled, but that kid never messed with me again" Lewis had taken a small bite of his sandwich.
"Sounds like you two weren't always on opposite sides"
"Not always" Lewis said "I was the reader as a kid and Jackson was the doer, but one thing he always loved was me reading him a story"
Eli looked at Lewis as the man appeared to get lost in his own recollection.
"He was mostly a fan of those books where the kids can turn into animals. We'd sit outside and I'd read a few chapters and Jackson would just close his eyes and you could almost see him imagining everything he was hearing. We did that until he was about 9"
"What happened at 9?"
At this Lewis looked down at the table "Our parents started to argue more and as kids we were stuck in the middle. My dad really honed in on Jackson and most of the man's free time was spent with him. Taking Jackson to the things the two always liked doing together. Eventually Dad would take Jackson with him to Georgia for weekends, then the weekends turned into weeks, and eventually Mom got a notice of divorce and a petition for custody of Jackson and a letter saying the two weren't coming back"
Eli's heart twisted for Lewis "That must have been horrible"
"I didn't understand it" Lewis told him "I was always closer to my mother, but I thought that my dad would at least entertain the thought of taking me with him, despite the closeness I knew he and Jackson had. So being 14 and angry I found it easier to just blame Jackson, so I did". The shame in Lewis' eyes spoke volumes. "Once our dad died it only got worse until it became something that was beyond repair"
"It's not" Eli said "looking at you now I can tell that there is nothing in the world you want more than to have a chance to make things right. I know people are unhappy, but it's not their place to stop you from trying to make that happen"
He could see another tear roll down Lewis' cheek "I just don't know what I'll do if he dies. I don't think I'll be able to survive it"
Standing up Eli walked around the table and pulled Lewis into a hug "Jackson is here and he's going to stay here. He has too many people here who love him to ever let him leave"
"Thank you Eli" Lewis said as he sat up straight "I shouldn't have broken down like that"
"Don't be absurd" Eli smiled "You're a part of this family whether you like it or not and we take care of our family here. Always"
Then finally when Lewis smiled at him it seemed absolutely authentic.
Lewis Avery POV:
Lewis could tell when he looked at Eli that he still had reservations about him - he couldn't blame him for it, though - but it still felt good to have someone listen to him. There was no one else left, and even though he and Eli weren't exactly friends, not yet at least, it comforted Lewis to a huge extend that Eli tried to be there for him.
After all he did, he knew he didn't deserve it. He deserved to be alone, just like Jackson had been.
Having Eli tell him that things could get better again, made Lewis so much better and he just wished he could believe him, but he didn't think Jackson even wanted this. He highly doubted that Jackson ever wanted to even talk to him again, let alone be his brother anymore.
Standing up from his chair he looked down at Eli.
"Thank you... for everything..."
An honest smile was what he got in response.
"No, it's really okay..." Eli replied in all modesty. "You needed someone and I'm glad I could be the one you opened up to..."
"Talking about my feelings has never been easy for me" Lewis replied. "Because in our family we were told that showing feelings is a weakness, and so we shouldn't... so I should feel ashamed for letting out this weak side of myself, but... it felt good to really talk."
"I'm glad to hear that," Eli said, looking at Lewis' plate which he had barely touched. "I thought we were here to eat something."
"I'm really not hungry, and I... I have to go now... I have to check on some things..." Lewis explained, and he really did. He needed to make sure Jackson was okay and he needed to find out about his options. Jackson's options about what to do now.
Even though everything inside him was reluctant with the idea, he knew he needed to see Michael. Needed to know if he could help Jackson. He knew that - so far - they tried to help Jackson with medication, but they weren't sure if it would really help. Now, if there was a procedure that could help Jackson, Lewis would definitely try to talk Mark - or whoever was in charge to make the decisions - into it.
"You sure?" Eli asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts. "I can come with you."
Lewis waved dismissively. "No, it's okay. I'm okay, don't worry... see you later, Eli..."
He smiled one last time, before he turned around and made his way to the neurological section, looking for Michael. He took a quick glance at his watch, letting out a sigh. They all had been here the whole night, and even though Michael most likely wasn't even in yet, he would be soon enough.
Moving directly to the nurse's station, he leaned over the counter, waiting for the nurse at the computer to take notice of him.
"Oh, Dr. Avery," she finally said when she recognized him. "How can I help you?"
"I'm looking for Dr. Holt... is he already in?" he asked friendly, giving her an open smile, even though it wasn't a real one, but of course she didn't know him well enough to know that.
Something about her expression changed immediately and she looked at him sympathetically.
"You didn't hear?"
Everything inside of Lewis went on alert immediately and he felt his heart beating faster.
"Hear what?"
"He... there had been an accident last night..." the nurse - whose name tag said Angelina - blurted out.
Lewis felt like he just got punched in the stomach.
"What accident?"
"The one involving your brother... the other Dr. Avery... Dr. Holt was the other driver... I'm... I'm sorry, I thought you knew..." the nurse stammered, and she obviously felt all but comfortable to be the one to tell him.
Lewis' hand started shaking when he clenched at the counter.
"How is he?"
"I... I don't know... but since he's not in ICU, I assume he's not as bad as Dr. Avery..." the nurse fearfully said, but Lewis barely listened to her anymore.
He hated himself for feeling what he was feeling right now, but all of a sudden a deep fear overwhelmed him. The fear to not only loose Jackson but also Michael. His best friend.
No matter what had happened, Michael had been there for him when he was going through hell. He had caught him when Lewis felt like he was free falling, and he had been there for him when Lewis was going through the worst times of his life. He couldn't lose Michael, not now.
"Thank you..." he said to the nurse while he was already turning around and moving toward the elevators, making his way to the casualty ward.
It took him only a couple of minutes to find out in which room Michael was, and once he reached the door he was in a full panic mood, because he didn't know what to expect. But obviously Michael wasn't as bad as Jackson was, and that was at least something, even though it was something Lewis couldn't really process right now.
Without knocking, he opened the door, seeing Michael sit on his bed.
"Michael!" he blurted out, stumbling across him and throwing his arms around Michael's neck, hugging him tight.
"Oh God, I thought... you were... you were..." He couldn't even finish his sentence, just leaning against Michael's warm body and feeling that he was alive. It was a feeling he needed right now. Needed like the air that he was breathing, and when he felt Michael's arms wrapping around his shaking body, he just closed his eyes and let him hold him.
"It's okay... I'm okay..." he heard Michael whisper and it took quite some time for the words to sink in.
When they finally did, Lewis let go of Michael and slid back a little. He felt embarrassed, and after all, he needed to find out what happened and how Michael could be involved in Jackson's accident.
"I'm sorry..." he said for that reason. "I just... when I heard you were involved in Jackson's accident, I... I lost it..."
A small smile appeared on Michael's lips. "It's okay, Lewis. really. I'm glad you came... I missed you..."
When he tried to grab Lewis' hand, Lewis pulled back immediately, getting up from the bed.
"That doesn't mean we're friends again, though..." he stated, to make clear that - no matter what had just happened - that hadn't changed.
"I understand... I also understand that you're still mad at me, but believe me when I say that I'm really sorry... I hate myself for causing so much trouble, especially for Jackson, and now he's fighting for his life just because of me," Michael replied, clenching the blanket.
He looked like he was lost in his own thoughts for a moment, so Lewis broke the silence again.
"What happened?"
"What?" Confused, Michael looked at him.
"The accident... I wanna know what happened... you obviously were the one that ran Jackson over and I... I wanna know what happened... I wanna know everything..." Lewis said. He knew it would be hard to listen to every detail, but he just needed to find out what Jackson was going through when the accident happened.
"I... I was on my way home..." Michael started explaining. "...and I was really distracted... I must have overseen that the traffic light went red and when the car came out of nowhere it was too late... I tried to hit the brakes, but it didn't work..."
Staring at him in shock, Lewis took a step back.
"It's... it's your fault that Jackson is in a coma right now, and that he might die... my... my... what used to be my best friend tried to kill my brother..."
"I didn't try to kill him, Lewis. You have to believe me... it was an accident... do you really think I waited there until Jackson came only to run him over? I didn't even know that he was here, let alone where exactly he was... Lewis, please..." Michael swung his legs out of the bed and when he made his first step, his knees buckled and if Lewis hadn't been by his side immediately to catch him, he might have landed on the cold floor.
Michael steadied himself, looking up at Lewis.
"It was an accident... I'm really... really sorry... but I... I can help Jackson... Chief Hunt has shown me his scans and there is a swelling on his brain... it's a lot of pressure to handle, but I can release this pressure with a simple procedure and if everything works out, Jackson can be okay again..."
Biting his lower lip, Lewis let out a sigh.
"Really?"
He helped Michael back onto the bed and sat down next to him.
"Yes, really," Michael replied. "I know I can do it... with Meredith... or Dr. Shepherd if he's up for it. But I know I can help him... You just need... need to talk to Mark about it, because I highly doubt he will let me near Jackson."
"That makes two of us," Lewis said with a sad smile.
"But who could blame him? We tried to destroy Jackson's life... we tried to destroy him... I just wish you had stopped when I told you to... I don't know how I can ever trust you again, because you lied to me... not only once, but now twice..."
"What?" Michael asked irritated. "What do you mean?"
"You lied when you told me you slept with my brother... and you lied to me when you told me about the accident..." Lewis stated.
Judging by the shocked expression on Michael's face, Lewis could tell he was right.
"I have no idea what you're talking about..." Michael disagreed, but he didn't look at Lewis. Another sign that he wasn't telling the whole truth.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Lewis gave back. "Whenever you're not honest with me, you can't look me in the eye. You looked at me when you told me that it was an accident and that you're sorry and everything, but you didn't look at me when you explained to me how it happened... I don't know what really happened, but it wasn't you running over a red light... I assume Jackson didn't pay much attention and that he was full of drugs... and that you now think you have to protect him..."
"I do... we both do... Lewis..." Michael said, and even though it was difficult to look at him right now, Lewis sill did.
"We have to do what's best for Jackson right now... please... please let me operate on him... let me save his life..."
"Mark and the others are gonna hate me for this..." Lewis commented, fighting with himself whether to give in or not.
"They already do, don't they?" Michael asked, and Lewis had to admit, he had a point here.
"You're right..." he admitted, getting up from the bed. "I won't promise you anything, but I will try... I will talk to Mark and I... I'll let you know..."
It felt good somehow, to be able to talk to Michael again. Talk like two normal grown-ups, when all they had done in the past few weeks was fight. He wasn't ready to forgive Michael just yet, but he couldn't deny that he missed his best friend and that Michael was probably Jackson's only chance to survive without any further damage. He knew he needed to act fast, because the sooner Jackson got into surgery, the better.
Alex Karev POV:
Alex sat by April's bedside and just watched the girl sleep. The woman's surgery, and the subsequent medications, had knocked her out.
She looked so small and fragile that a part of Alex was scared that if he touched her she would break. Of course he knew it was an idiotic idea, but after hurting her so many times he really couldn't take that chance.
Alex was trying to settle himself and stay focused. His mind was still racing. Besides April, there was Jackson and his argument with Lewis. Alex knew what he had done was unfair. Putting Lewis in a position that forced him to give up someone he loved so much was selfish.
If Lewis had done something like that to him, made him leave April and their kid behind it was not something Alex was sure he could've done. Alex loved Lewis and maybe would for the rest of his life, but there had been a reason the man had never been able to let go of April completely.
Seeing her now Alex realized why. He had loved her; had never stopped and it was time for him to stop running away from it and do whatever he could to try and salvage whatever he could between the two.
"A-Alex?"
Looking up with a startled expression Alex saw April's eyes flutter open and stare at him.
"April" Alex practically shouted as he stood "you're awake"
Leaning over her he looked for any signs of immediate distress, but only found signs that she was tired and probably needed fluids.
"How are you feeling?"
She turned to look at him at for a moment it seemed as if she had looked right through him.
"Wh-What happened?" she choked out "Why am I here?"
"Let me get you some water" Alex told her and went over the counter to pour a cup "I'm sure your throat has to be insanely dry"
Bringing the water back he held it up to April's mouth and tipped the cup to allow her to drink. The first few caused her to cough, but she managed to drink half the cup before pulling back.
April looked around confused "What are you doing here?"
Alex looked at her confused "April?" he asked "Do you remember anything?"
She looked at him as if trying drudge up an old memory "I...remember the apartment and talking to Jackson" she told him as she ran a hand over her stomach and once she made contact her eyes went wide.
"My little girl!" she shouted "Where's my little girl?" she went to get up, but Alex put his hand on her shoulder to keep her steady.
"Calm down" Alex said "you went into pre-mature labour and Addison had to deliver"
"What are you talking about?" April demanded angrily "Where's my daughter?"
"She's fine" Alex tried to calm her down "she's in the NICU, but I just checked on her and she's doing really well"
Still, her heart monitor was going up and as she started to become short of breath Sasha ran in "Dr. Kepner?" she asked "I need you to calm down"
"My little girl" she breathed " where is she?"
"She's fine" Sasha said "strongest one there I say"
"April-" Alex started
"Get out" she yelled at Alex, causing her vitals to spike "I told you I don't want you here"
It was like a punch to Alex's stomach "April?" he begged.
"Alex" Sasha whispered "I think it's best" and he knew she was right. It seemed his presence was only making her worse so slowly backing out of the room Alex stood in the hall and watched until he could see the woman fall back asleep.
He had fucked up so badly and he didn't know the first thing about how to fix it.
10 minutes later and Alex found himself standing in the doorway of Jackson's room as Mark looked on the verge of passing out. Sensing someone watching him Mark turned around and upon seeing Alex nodded for him to come inside.
"How's Kepner?" Mark asked and Alex did a good job of not showing the pain on his face.
"She was awake, but the medication has her going in and out"
"How is he?" Alex asked as he walked up and seeing Jackson he could feel his eyes start to mist.
Mark shrugged his shoulders "He's not getting better" Mark told him "Hunt mentioned something about swelling on the brain. Talked about a procedure with Holt"
Alex took a seat beside Jackson's bed "Michael Holt?"
"Yeah" Mark responded "like I would let that bastard anywhere near him"
Alex looked at the older man and spoke quietly "Could it help? What do you think?"
Mark scoffed "To let the man who help put him in that bed be responsible for saving his life? I don't think so"
Alex couldn't pretend that he didn't see where Mark was coming from, but still if Holt could help… "Maybe Owen is right, Sloan" Alex said "if Jackson's only shot is-"
"The guy who raped him?" Mark exclaimed.
The words were like a bullet around the room. In Mark and Alex's previous discussion the two had skated around that term, but now with Jackson so close to dying it was obviously no time to beat around the bush.
"We can't be sure if that's what happened" Alex cautioned "we can't just throw that word around"
"Then you tell me, Alex" Mark said "by both their admissions Jackson was drunk beyond the ability to stand up straight. Jackson doesn't even remember anything besides waking up naked with Holt and Holt told me Jackson begged for it. What I get from that is that Jackson was far too weak to give consent and definitely too weak to fight him off and Holt has hated Jackson since the moment he came to this hospital and a man who would travel across the country for a vendetta that isn't even his own would surely take something from Jackson that he could never get back. Why wouldn't Holt fuck Jackson as a final declaration that no matter what Jackson did he would have always had Jackson in that way? That at the end of the day no matter how hard Jackson fought he still ended up as nothing but Holt's whore?"
Alex felt sick to his stomach. Everything Mark was saying was completely true and looking back at Jackson and seeing how completely broken the man was he finally realized the damage Jackson had suffered went way beyond just physical.
"If you were Jackson" Mark asked "wouldn't you take anything you could to try and wipe away those memories?"
Alex wiped a tear away from his eye. He had known Jackson had dealt with a lot. Too much for one man to handle and had it been Alex that suffered what the man had he couldn't be sure that he wouldn't have drank himself to death a long time ago.
Grabbing Jackson's hand Alex turned to look at Mark "So, how do we help him?"
"Amelia" Mark told him "or Derek, but under no circumstances can we let Holt near him. He's nearly killed him before and can we really be sure he won't do it again?"
Alex looked at Jackson and he knew they didn't. He didn't trust Holt to make sure Jackson came back to them.
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark couldn't believe that he had felt pity for Lewis. That he had felt real sympathy, when Lewis had been standing in front of him crying, begging him to give him a moment with his brother. He had done nothing but hurt Jackson ever since he arrived here, and even before, and now he acted as if he actually cared.
Somehow, Mark believed him that he did, though. He didn't want to, but the tears had been real and Mark could tell that Lewis was really trying hard to pull himself together. And that he was just as scared as Mark was to lose Jackson.
Maybe for that reason he had given in. For that reason he had allowed him to have a moment with Jackson while he was getting some coffee.
It had been a long day and an even longer night and since Mark didn't plan on leaving Jackson's side all too soon, he needed something to keep him awake. He just hoped the coffee would do it.
Even though he still had reservations towards Eli - he had known about everything and for that matter betrayed Mark, too - he had asked him to watch Lewis, to not let him harm Jackson, and Eli had promised him to take good care of the brothers.
When Mark had come back, they had both been gone and he had taken his seat in front of Jackson's bed again, holding his hand, caressing and stroking it.
He didn't know if Jackson heard any of the things he said to him, but he just hoped that somehow, deep down, Jackson could feel that he was there. That he wouldn't leave him.
He was so exhausted and tired, but he didn't allow himself to sleep. Jackson needed him and he owed it to him to be by his side every second, no matter what the costs where.
When he felt someone looking at him, he turned around and noticed Alex through the window, looking inside of the room.
Alex wasn't one of the persons Mark wanted to be around right now, either, but he couldn't keep them all away from Jackson, and he knew Alex loved Jackson and really wanted to help him and be there for him. And Jackson would probably rather have Alex close to him than Mark, even though the thought hurt, but after all, he seemed to have spent the day with Alex instead of him and that meant something. It meant at least that he trusted Alex more than he trusted Mark.
Nodding, Mark watched Alex making his way inside of the room and he could tell that Alex was just as exhausted as he was. He felt really sorry for the guy, since it was not only Jackson he had to worry about, but also April and his daughter, and he just hoped that at least in this case there would be good news for Alex soon.
There was only so much a guy could take and Mark could only imagine how horrible the situation must be for Alex. Which made it easier to be near him, because he was most likely worse off than Mark was.
"How's Kepner?" Mark asked for that matter, and even though Alex did a good job in hiding his feelings, Mark could tell that Alex didn't tell him everything. Not that he could blame him.
Looking back at Jackson, Mark told Alex everything he knew and the thought that it was Lewis who was about to make the calls in Jackson's case still hurt him more than anything else.
What if Lewis would let Michael operate on Jackson? He would have to stand by and watch the man kill Jackson, even though they would have to kill Mark first for that to happen. Even though Alex still had doubts that Michael had raped Jackson, he seemed to at least understand where he was coming from and that was at least something. He needed someone on his side in this. He couldn't do it alone, and if Alex just believed him, they probably could prevent the worst. That Holt got his hands on Jackson.
The tear running down Alex' cheek after Mark had ended his monologue, showed him that Mark had won him over and somehow that was the most positive thing the night had brought.
He watched Alex sit down on the other side of the bed and grabbing Jackson's hand.
"So, how do we help him?" Alex asked and Mark looked at him, then back at Jackson.
"Amelia" Mark said, because it just had to be her. Or someone else he trusted. Not Holt. Anyone but Holt. "Or Derek, but under no circumstances can we let Holt near him. He's nearly killed him before and can we really be sure he won't do it again."
He watched Alex stroke the back of Jackson's hand and decided to leave the two of them some privacy.
"I'm gonna get some coffee again, or I'm gonna fall asleep right here... you want some too?"
The surprised look on Alex' face showed him that he probably - most likely - hadn't expected Mark to be that nice to him.
"That would be awesome... black, without sugar..."
"Okay... consider it done... I'll be right back," Mark replied and when he headed out he ran into Lewis only a few feet away from Jackson's room.
"What are you doing here? I already gave you some time with your brother, come back tomorrow..." he said coldly, trying to make his way past him, when he heard Lewis' voice calling his name.
"Mark! We need to talk. It's about Jackson... and it's really important... I know you don't want me near him, and I understand, but we both want him to get better, don't we?"
Letting out a sigh, Mark turned back to look at him.
"I'm sure Owen and the others do everything in their power to make him better... all we can do right now is waiting..." He knew exactly that this wasn't the whole truth, but it was the only truth he was willing to tell Lewis right now. He still didn't trust him, but it seemed like as if he didn't know that he was allowed to decide over Jackson's fate and Mark wanted it to stay that way as soon as possible. If Lewis didn't know that he was calling the shots, he couldn't do any damage.
"No, that's not entirely true... There is a way to help Jackson get better... a surgery..." Lewis disagreed.
Staring back at Lewis, Mark bit his lower lip. "Where do you know that from? As far as I'm concerned you're not a neuro surgeon."
"I've talked to Mi... someone..." Lewis replied and Mark rolled his eyes annoyed.
"You've talked to Michael..." he stated matter-of-factly.
"Yes," Lewis admitted, leaning against the wall and looking at Mark. "Mark, he... he can help Jackson. There is this procedure he can do to release the pressure on Jackson's brain but the longer we wait, the more difficult it gets... Please, do me a favour and think about it at least. You want to save Jackson, and so do I and I think this is our best shot."
"What makes you think I would ever believe any word you say anymore? After all you did? Maybe you and Michael are just looking for an excuse to finish what you started..." Mark said. He knew it was unfair to accuse Lewis and Michael of being murderers, but it was what he felt right now.
"Which would be what?" Lewis asked immediately. "You don't seriously think I would want my brother to die?"
"Oh, I don't know..." Mark replied sarcastically. "You did a good job by destroying his life, so maybe now you're gonna finish the job by killing him during a dangerous surgery... a lot can happen in an OR..."
"Oh come on, Mark! He's my brother," Lewis said out loud. "And I would do everything to have him back... to have him open his eyes again, even if only to tell me to fuck off and that ne never wants to see me again... and Michael... don't you think he had enough already either? Everyone seems to hate him, and the accident wasn't even his fault... it was an accident, for fuck's sake."
"What?" Mark blurted out, and as soon as the words sank in, his brain started connecting the dots.
"He was the one that ran Jackson over..." He felt sick to his stomach all of a sudden, unable to take a breath. "First he rapes him, and then he tries to kill him... and you seriously think he didn't do this on purpose? HE DID!" Mark screamed, feeling his whole body starting to shake.
Steadying himself at the wall, Mark took a few steps away from Lewis.
"What are you talking about?" Lewis asked. "Michael didn't rape Jackson... he didn't even sleep with him..."
"And why would I believe you?" Mark asked, feeling like he was about to black out any moment, and Lewis seemed to notice, too, because all of a sudden he was close to him. Too close, trying to grab him.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!" Mark shouted, and everything around him started to spin. He could feel his pulse racing and breathing became harder with every second. He needed to get out of here, or he would pass out any moment. In front of Lewis. It was all too much. Way too much.
Alex Karev POV:
Alex was still trying to digest everything Mark had told him in regards to Holt. Alex knew the guy was a prick, but not once had the guy ever looked like he was the kind of man who would do something as vile as assault.
Still, wasn't that usually the type of men who thought they were so above the law that they deserved whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted it?
Holt's ego had proven to Alex that despite Jackson's hatred of the man if Michael wanted to fuck him then it was simply a matter of taking the choice out of Jackson's hands.
Alex had refused to believe it until Mark had given him no other choice.
Watching Mark walk out of the room Alex grabbed Jackson hand's and brought it up to his lips to give it a kiss. "Hey Jackson" Alex said "I'm sorry I couldn't have been here sooner, but April has been having some issues of her own"
He looked at the battered face of Jackson and did his best to hold back the tears that wanted to spill forward "It's not going very good, Jackson, and I know this sounds selfish, but I need you right now"
It wasn't until the very real possibility that Jackson may not be here that Alex realized just how badly he needed him. When he was gone there was always the possibility that one day he would return, but if Jackson were to die here in this Hospital that Alex hated just as much as he loved, he wouldn't be able to handle it.
This hospital had taken so much from him and tonight it looked to take everything he had left. The woman he loved, his best friend in the world, and his daughter.
"April has fought" Alex whispered into Jackson's ear "my little girl has fought and now you need to fight, Jackson. Don't let them take you away from us...please".
Closing his eyes he kissed Jackson's temple.
"HE DID" Alex heard Mark scream from the hallway and his head snapped up. The man sounded furious and Alex looked out the window to see Mark screaming at Lewis.
Looking at Jackson he gripped the man's hand one last time before letting it rest on the bed. Making his way to the door he heard Mark yell something about not touching him and then as Alex reached the doorway Lewis started calling Mark's name frantically and once Alex reached them Mark was on the ground with Lewis leaning over him.
"What did you do?" Alex exclaimed as he rushed over.
"I-I didn't do anything" Lewis said "we were talking and he just started to collapse.
"D-Don't let him near me" Mark murmured to Alex "he wants Holt to operate on Jackson"
"What?" Alex asked as he looked at Lewis, but the man refused to meet his eyes. It wasn't until Hunt came rushing over with two nurses and they helped lift Mark and take him to one of the empty rooms that Alex finally got Lewis to look at him.
"What happened?" Alex asked "and you tell me the truth"
"I told you" Lewis said.
With an angry huff Alex grabbed Lewis' arm roughly and pulled him into Jackson's room before slamming the door.
"Is what Mark said true?" The night had been long for Alex; too long and he knew his anger and frustrations were going to come out "Do you want Holt to operate on Jackson?"
The moment Lewis averted his eyes Alex knew it had to be the truth.
"After everything that man has done to Jackson you are really going to leave his life in Holt's hands?"
"Michael is one of the best neurosurgeons in the country" Lewis said "he's Jackson's best shot; his only shot most likely"
"You know as well as I do what Holt did to Jackson that night" Alex told him "and now you want to trust him to protect your little brother?"
"Michael didn't sleep with Jackson that night" Lewis said "he just let Jackson believe he did to fuck with his head"
"Do you hear yourself?" Alex asked "I know Holt is important to you, but it's time to realize that this guy isn't the dude you remember"
"I know that he's done some very messed up things, Alex" Lewis said "but my main concern is for Jackson and if Michael is his best option then that's what I'm going to do"
"Is that so?"
"Yes" Lewis responded "once Owen approves it and Michael is well enough we're-"
"Well enough?" Alex asked "well enough from what?"
Another moment of silence from Lewis and Alex could feel his blood boiling "I asked you a question, Lewis!"
"He was involved in the accident" Lewis said and to Alex it felt like a punch in the stomach.
"He hit Jackson?"
"No" Lewis said "I mean it was an accident, but Michael never meant-"
"You've told me for months that nothing mattered to you more than showing Jackson how much you love him" Alex said "and the second you get the chance you just throw him right back to the wolves"
"He's my brother" Lewis said "and I decide his best course of treatment"
"He may be your brother, but he's my family" Alex responded "and Holt isn't touching him. Do you understand me?"
Lewis gave Alex a tired smile "I understand" he said "but it's not going to change anything" he stuffed his hands into his pocket.
"Michael will do that surgery, because I know he wants to save Jackson just as much as I do and I know you don't believe that and if you want to hate me for it, so be it. I know the pain I've caused all of you and I know I'll never be able to make up for it, but right now Jackson's well-being is all that matters. So if you and Mark want to try and stop me okay. Yell at me, beat me, do whatever, but even if I have to crawl into Owen Hunt's office to give my consent I will. I'm not going to fail my brother again. I made him that promise"
This time it was Alex who had to look away. The sincerity in Lewis' eyes hurt too much, but it still didn't change the fact that Alex could never trust Michael Holt the way Lewis did.
"I won't support this decision and I'm hard pressed to find someone who will" Alex said "if you do this you do this alone"
Nodding his head Alex could see a tear roll down Lewis' face "I understand" Lewis told him and it took everything in Alex not to rush over and wrap the man up in a hug.
They were on opposite sides of the battlefield with this decision. Solace was not something Alex could afford to give.
Walking past Lewis Alex unlocked the door and opened it. Looking back one last time He saw Lewis looking at Jackson and for just a moment he saw two brothers alone in a world that offered no love or protection, but one that was destroyed and lay crumpled at their feet.
Lewis Avery POV:
Lewis couldn't believe what had just happened. That after all Alex was now taking Mark's side, even worse, that he didn't believe him when Lewis told him that Michael hadn't slept with Jackson. Like no one believed him.
He totally understood that especially Mark and Alex had reservations towards Michael, but he was Jackson's best shot. Maybe his only. Yes, the medication they had put Jackson on could work, but if not he could die. The procedure was something that would save Jackson's life, and Lewis just had to believe that Michael could do it. That he was really able to help him and that he wasn't playing games with him.
Michael had been his best friends for years. Decades. Lewis just refused to believe that Michael would try to kill Jackson, no matter what happened and no matter how bad Lewis had treated him.
Making his way towards Chief Hunt's office, Lewis took a deep breath. He needed to know his options. Jackson's options. He was Jackson's brother after all, and even though he hadn't thought about it yet, he was pretty sure that he was allowed to make decisions regarding him.
After all, Alex and Mark were just friends to him – if even – and even though Jackson considered them more family than him, he was still his brother. As long as their mother hadn't called him back, Lewis would call the shots, no matter what it meant. If it meant he would lose Alex for good, so be it.
He would rather have Alex and Mark hate him, than risk his brother's life. He meant what he had told Alex that he wasn't going to fail Jackson again. He had to do this for Jackson.
Taking a deep breath, Lewis lifted is hand and started knocking at the door.
It only took a few seconds until the door opened and Owen stood in front of him.
"Dr. Avery. What can I do for you?"
Biting his lip nervously, Lewis looked past Owen.
"Can I come in? I wanna talk to you about Jackson… and the options…"
"Oh yes, sure…" Owen replied immediately. "I wanted to talk to you about that anyways, but I thought it could wait a day more or two, until Dr. Avery's vital signs have improved."
"I would rather get it over with right now…" Lewis admitted. "I've caused enough trouble so far, and even though that gets me into even more of them, I need to make some decisions."
"I understand…" Owen said, even though he didn't look like he understood completely. But Lewis couldn't blame him. He most likely didn't know about anything that had happened here over the past few weeks.
About nothing besides Jackson's drug use for that matter.
"Sit down!" Owen offered, once he had closed the door behind Lewis and took a seat behind the desk.
"Thank you", Lewis replied, sinking down on the chair.
"I've talked to Michael… I mean Dr. Holt. He told me he can do a surgery on Jackson and that this surgery can save his life, so I wanna talk about the options we're having here… I assume, Mark… Dr. Sloan told you that he didn't want Jackson to have this surgery, but I would assume it's my call…"
Lewis felt bad for going behind Mark's back again. For doing something he knew Mark didn't want. Something Alex didn't want either, but he had to do this for his brother. Besides, if it worked, they might even be thankful for it. It just had to work.
"It is… I already talked about this with Dr. Sloan. He wanted me to up Dr. Avery's medication and try to get the swelling down with antibiotics and such, but I told him it's not his call," Dr. Hunt said. "I told him it's yours, since you're his brother and you have every legal right."
"I assume he didn't really like this information," Lewis sighed, watching Owen nod his head.
"You're right about that." He crossed his hands, looking at Lewis with a serious expression on his face.
"Look, I don't know what happened between each of you, but I sensed that the mood is… tense to say at least. I can't have my doctors here attack each other, verbally or physically and what happened with Dr. Sloan can't happen again."
"I understand," Lewis replied immediately. "And I assure you, it won't… Things are… complicated right now, but we all want what's best for Jackson, and if this surgery is the best option, I will give my consent to go for it."
"I still have to tell you that it's possible that we can get the swelling down with the medication. Without cutting Dr. Avery open," Owen informed him.
"You say it yourself, it's a possibility… but what if it doesn't work?" Lewis asked, even though deep down he already knew the answer.
"He could die… if the medication doesn't work within a few days and the pressure gets too high, he could die… or lose his ability to speak or walk or eat… it could do a lot of damage to his brain," the chief replied earnestly.
"So what do you suggest?" Lewis wanted to know, looking at Owen. He was a doctor himself, yes, but he definitely didn't have all the knowledge he needed right here. He was a psychical therapist, after all. He helped people to get back on their feet after accidents or such – he definitely wasn't an expert for brain surgery.
He knew he could talk to Michael about anything, but he didn't really want to, because he feared he would probably back down and get back to being friends with him, even though he wasn't really ready for it. He missed him, though.
"It's not my decision to make, Dr. Avery… it's yours. You're his brother, and you have to decide. I can't tell you what to do," Owen said.
Lewis nodded slightly, but he still needed to hear what Hunt thought. After all, he seemed to be the only one not totally against this surgery. For a moment there, Lewis wished he could talk to Tyler about it, but he hadn't seen him since their encounter in the On-Call room, and he wasn't an option after all.
"I still want to hear your opinion… if it was your brother, what would you do?"
Owen let out a sigh.
"Honestly?" he asked, causing Lewis to nod.
"Yes, please," Lewis replied, looking him in the eye.
"I think I would do each and everything to make my brother better, no matter what it means. And in my eyes, the surgery is the best option for him. Dr. Holt told me he can do it, so I trust him that he can… He'd need some assistance, though…" Owen informed him.
Again, Lewis nodded.
"Can you ask Dr. Shepherd? I think, Mark… Dr. Sloan would be a little calmer if he knew someone would keep an eye on Dr. Holt."
"I doubt Derek is up for that… he still needs surgery on his hand, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, he can be in the OR, sure, but I doubt he will be much of a help for Dr. Holt," Owen replied.
"No, I meant his sister… Amelia Shepherd." Lewis said causing Owen to look at him surprised.
"She's here?"
"You didn't know?" Now it was Lewis who was surprised, but on the other hand – especially in the past few days everything had happened extremely fast.
"I knew that Dr. Montgomery is here, and that she operated on one of my doctors twice. And that she takes care of her baby at the moment…" Owen said. "I didn't know about Derek's sister, though…"
"She's here… actually, for another reason, but maybe she can help…" Lewis suggested, noticing that Owen seemed to think about this option for quite a while.
"Okay… if you see her, let her know that I wanna talk to her…" Owen decided.
"I will… do you have the consent forms for me, so we can do the surgery as soon as Jackson's better?" Lewis asked.
"Of course!" Owen grabbed one of the folders on his desk, opening it and reaching Lewis a pile of papers.
"I need you to fill this out, and also read this information sheet… it tells you about the risks of the surgery."
"Which would be that the surgery could go wrong and Jackson could die, right?" Lewis asked, feeling his heart beat faster, but he tried to stay calm. The risk of dying was there with every surgery, and Michael had said he knew what he did, so he just had to trust him.
"Most likely, yeah… But that's only the worst case scenario. Risks could also be loss of speech and mobility, but that's highly unlikely. And the procedure is a small one… and Dr. Holt has told me he had done it several times, so just don't assume the worst… he can do it… the decision is still yours, though…" Owen said.
Nodding, Lewis got off his chair.
"Okay… thank you… I'll get these forms back to you as soon as possible."
"Do that… and if you have any concerns, if you need to think about the surgery, I'll ask you to do so, too! It's important that you stand behind your decision," Owen advised him.
"Thank you, I will," Lewis replied, leaving Owen's office after a last handshake.
He went to the cafeteria to sit down, placing the forms in front of him and looking down at them. He had no idea what to do right now, and no matter what he did, the risk of losing Jackson was there, no matter what he did. He just hoped he would do the right thing in the end.