Sora then opened his eyes.

He looked up at the beautiful blue sky in all it's PS2-esque glory, as he yawned in a cartoonish fashion. Sora was content.

He then saw his friend...what was her name? Oh right, it was Kairi.

She was not content.

"Whoa!"

For that remark Sora received a bitch slap from her. Nothing unusual. In fact, Sora was surprised that she didn't do it harder.

"Sora! Why the *bleep* are you napping on the job?"

"G-Gimme a break Kairi!"

"*bleep* No! You lazy...uhh...bum!"

Kairi seriously wanted to swear at this lazy and incompetent slacker, but all of her curse words were censored. Legend has it that only the foulest creatures of pure darkness and evil are able to actually swear in this universe.

"I knew that I'd find you here. What do you have to SAY FOR YOURSELF, HUH?"

"I-I was in a dream! It was one of those dreams that only main characters get where they get vague hints about stuff because they're the chosen ones and-"

"FOR *bleeps* SAKE SORA. YOU'RE NOT A MAIN CHARACTER!"

"But-"

"YOU'RE NOT. A. MAIN. CHARACTER."

"But I...I know it was real…"

Kairi just sighed, getting really tired of all his shit.

"Yeah, sure."

Sora immediately tried changing the subject, hoping to calm Kairi down.

"Say Kairi...what was your hometown like? You know, where you grew up."

"Sora…you have asked me that DOZENS OF *bleep* TIMES!"

Sora started to panic a little, as he realized that Kairi was right.

"I just thought that if you talked to an NPC multiple times they'd change their dialogue and-"

Kairi just facepalmed. There was clearly no hope for him.

"Honestly I can't wait until I can just get the *bleep* out of this place. Then I'll get better slaves and I won't have to deal with you losers anymore."

"Trust me, we all want that more than anyone," they both heard someone say in the background.

They turned around and they both looked at the sexy bishonen boy behind them. The heartthrob of Destiny Islands, the hot and angsty emo kid, and Sora's rival/love interest who totally wouldn't betray him and try to kill him later.

Kairi did not take Riku's comment well...at all.

"WHAT THE *bleep* DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!"

"What everyone thinks. Seriously, literally no one likes you."

"I like you Ka-"

"SHUT UP SORA," Kairi demanded.

Riku's face became fierce, almost as bad as that of Kairi.

"Don't you tell him to shut up."

"WHY THE *bleep* NOT? SO I HAVE TO *bleep* KISS THE SO-CALLED 'MAIN CHARACTER'S' *bleep* NOW?"

"No, and thank the Light we don't have to kiss yours."

"SHUT UP I AM RELEVANT OK."

"Keep telling yourself that."

That was the last straw, Kairi got out her chainsaw. That was enough to terrify both Sora and Riku, and they both ran in fear in the hope that Kairi doesn't literally slice them into a bajillion pieces.

Sora was a little less scared though since he knew that the limited PS2 graphics couldn't properly do something like that, but he didn't want to risk it.

Sora smiled as he ran for his life with his best friend Riku. I'm so glad we're all friends. I hope we stay like this forever~

"Sora, hurry!"

"WHY WON'T YOU BOTH JUST *bleep* DIE ALREADY!"

…

After Sora had to collect stuff (which was hard for him because of his bad short term memory), he also found the other kids who lived on the island like Tidus and Wakka, who were also two of Kairi's slaves. Because they coincidentally looked like those characters from FFX, and they had the same name as them, Sora automatically assumed that those were the real characters from FFX. And thus, they were subjected to his fangasming and groping.

Selphie didn't get any of this treatment though which made her feel left out.

All of this made Riku a little...concerned for Sora.

Well, concerned was the understatement of the century.

Sora seemed to have this...problem where he believed that this is all just one big jrpg and he's the main character who will save the world from darkness, or something. There weren't any hospitals here to cure Sora so all he really had was Riku to try and gradually bring him back to reality.

Kairi's existence didn't help much though. They were basically her slaves. That is, when they weren't having their lives threatened.

Well...not for long.

…

Kairi had finally calmed down, and the three of them were sitting by their oddly shaped tree. Riku didn't sit though, he wanted to make sure he looked cool for the fans. He also wanted to get a head start in case Kairi tried to stab him again.

There was a very awkward silence though. Kairi was so busy enslaving these two poor boys, who were always trying to escape their life of servitude and attempted murder, that the three never really had the chance to make small talk. Riku just wished he could spend more time with Sora alone. And Sora obeyed Kairi because he always saw her as an NPC asking him to do quests for her. She never actually gave him or Riku anything in return though, and Sora didn't mind because he wanted to complete everything in this "game".

No one was safe from Kairi's wrath, everyone on the island was basically her bitch. But for some reason she loved to torture Sora and Riku especially. Sora was an easy target being the mentally ill kid and all, and Riku acted all tough on the outside but on the inside he was also just another pawn in her sick and twisted game.

Kairi looked at both of them angrily. They were way too relaxed, she couldn't have that.

"Are you both done with the raft yet?"

"We would have finished ages ago if you hadn't tried to kill us," Riku retorted.

Kairi crossed her arms, she hated it when they were both right.

"I think that gave me some experience points!" Sora chimed in happily.

"Sure it did, Sora. Anyway, the raft is almost done, so the three of us will leave the island tomorrow."

"But how far could a raft take us?" Sora asked, and that was actually a pretty good question. Seriously, hadn't they planned all this beforehand?

"Who knows? If we have to, we'll just think of something else."

"I mean, I don't think we could just randomly warp to another world without cheat codes-"

"I swear to Light, if you don't *bleep* stop being a *bleep*, I'll shove a *bleep* chainsaw up your *bleep*"

"What's a bleep?" Sora asked innocently.

"Anyway…" Riku interrupted, ignoring Sora's question. "What happens when we go to another world?" he asked Kairi. He wanted more than anyone to get off this dump and fly with Princess Sora on a magic carpet and show him all the other worlds. And only Sora.

Kairi suddenly had an evil smirk across her face.

"Once we get there, I'll take over of course! I'll make everyone bow down to me, and I'll expand my empire of hot bishonen slaves!"

Riku shuddered. She already took over Destiny Islands and turned it into a concentration camp full of summer fun and relaxation. Who knows what she could do to the other worlds?

"I've always wondered why we're here on this island. And suppose that-"

"Get to the *bleep* point Riku," Kairi demanded.

"Alright, sorry. Anyway...we could have just as easily ended up on another world, right?"

"I dunno," Sora answered intelligently as he proceeded to lay down on the tree branch.

"SIT UP STRAIGHT MAGGOT," Kairi demanded, and he immediately proceeded to do so, saying sorry dozens of times until he calmed down.

Riku tried to resist strangling Kairi as he continued his rambling.

"I for one am really excited to leave."

Even Kairi was somewhat surprised with this.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"You've been thinking a lot lately, haven't you…"

Kairi frowned. She hated it so much when people had free will of any kind, that included being able to think for themselves.

"Yeah, ever since I've had the misfortune of meeting you I've never wanted to get away from someone so much in my entire life. So thank you, Kairi. Without you I wouldn't have thought of any of this."

Sora looked a little scared, knowing first hand what happened when Kairi was provoked by Riku's comments like that.

But Kairi just laughed at this, as if it was were some kind of hilarious joke.

"Ha! As if. You signed the contract, I own both your *bleeps*, got it?"

"Yes mistress Kairi," they both recited in unison.

Kairi smiled, she had raised her slaves decently enough. But I'm definitely pushing them both off the raft and replacing them with better ones, she thought to herself.

Riku frowned, he was tired of him and Sora being her slaves. I'm definitely pushing her off the magic carpet so I can be with Princess Sora...I mean, I'm definitely pushing her off the raft so I can be with Princess Sora, he thought to himself.

Sora gazed up at the sky, and he was a little confused. Why are we taking a raft when we have three boats on the pier?, he thought to himself.

…

As Sora and Riku left to do more manual labour for their mistress, Riku tried getting Sora's attention.

"Hey, Sora!"

He turned around and he got to saw Riku's beauty in all it's majesty. His beautiful white hair, his gorgeous eyes that were full of angst and suffering, his muscular chest...Sora was convinced that Riku was a girl at one point. Then again he also thought that he was a lion-human hybrid with a chainsaw at that time too, so what did he know.

"You wanted one, didn't you?"

Riku then threw him a star shaped fruit, which Sora was unable to pick up so he had to bend over to pick it up. This made Riku chuckle a little.

"A paopu fruit…"

"If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They'll remain a part of each other's lives no matter what."

Sora stared at the fruit, wondering how much HP of his would be restored if he ate it.

"C'mon, I know want to try it!"

"What are you talking-"

"Isn't there's someone you really want to share that with?" Riku asked.

"Well…"

"Anyone?" Riku asked teasingly, yet with an affectionate smile on his face.

Sora thought hard about this, staring at the paopu fruit in his hand.

"Someone's who's been there with you since the beginning?"

"Hm…"

Riku held out his hand.

"Someone who has always cared for you regardless of all we've been through?"

"Hmmm…"

"Aaaaaaaanyone?" Riku began to feel impatient and he pointed at himself a few times so that Sora would get the message.

Then something in Sora's head clicked.

"Ah! I know who I want to share it with!"

"Really?!"

At this point Riku didn't care about acting tough, he couldn't help but act like a teenage girl who's crush might actually like her. He had a very visible blush on his cheeks, his voice was unusually high, and he swore that he would start squealing if Sora chose him. He was doing everything that he himself hated.

"Yeah! You don't like fruit, so maybe I should give it to Kairi! I know she would like-"

Riku knew what he had to do.

He snatched the fruit away from Sora and stomped on it.

He stomped on it hard.

He then jumped on it.

He then got a flamethrower and burned on it.

He chopped it up with a knife.

He then jumped on it again.

And then, for good measure, he spat on it.

Sora just stared blankly at the fruit's remains while Riku sweatdropped, rubbing the back of his head and chuckling nervously like he didn't assault the innocent piece of fruit.

"Oops...I dropped it."

Sora continued to stare it, staying completely still. This worried Riku, did he really go too far there?

He then started acting cheery as he always did, and Riku sighed in relief.

"C'mon, Riku! Kairi's gonna give us another quest! Hopefully this time we'll get a treasure of some kind! Maybe she'll give us a potion! Or a rare item! Or-"

Riku happily listened to Sora rambling about all his video game jargon. But on the inside, the angst and heartbreak levels kept growing as he stared at his adorable friend and rival.

Oh Sora...I hope that we'll never be separated. Never.

…

Meanwhile, in another world...the Disney characters were dealing with a cruel tyrant of their own.

In a giant castle that looked cartoonish and fantastical to the eye...it all seemed like a magical place, but it was all just for show.

On the inside was a prison where it's inhabitants were tortured endlessly by the evil King Mickey.

He was truly a being of pure evil. For example, he never gave his workers any ice cream. Not even one! Such madness!

Not only that, but the king made all the hallways and doors waaaay bigger than they needed to be, so people could barely navigate throughout the place. Yes, he's that bad.

He was so evil that people called him Suicide Mouse, given the extremely high suicide rate of this castle. Why do think it's always empty?

The weird little creature known as Dolan was terrified of approaching him. He was once the iconic cartoon duck known as Donald Duck, but after being literally useless in almost all aspects, Mickey turned him into a meme, and now he was even more useless than he was before.

He waddled (somehow) across the unnecessarily long hallway, trying to avoid the killer walking brooms Metal Gear style. Thankfully he was so useless and unimportant that they didn't notice him.

Around 6 hours later, Dolan finally reached the throne room. He opened (somehow) the unnecessarily large door, to reveal the throne room...but to reach the throne Dolan had to walk a 9 hour long hallway. Fuck.

"Ur majsty plz chain mi bck I mean…*cough cough* YOUR MAJESTY! PLEASE CH-"

He then (somehow) realized that Mickey wasn't in his throne where he was supposed to be.

*9 hours later*

"Your Majesty!" he screeched.

But there no majesty. Instead, there was Pluto, who gave Dolan the letter. As Dolan took it (somehow) from him, Pluto's eyes turned red, his neck snapped and his head started spinning in a full circle, and he began to recite something.

"HAIL SATAN. DISNEY IS POWER. HAIL SATAN. DISNEY IS POWER. HAIL-"

"Cool story bro."

Pluto then whimpered sadly, and returned to the depths of hell from whence he came to torment the souls of the damned.

Dolan then read the letter (somehow), the contents of which really surprised him.

...

To: Dolan, Gooby, Walt Disney, and Satan

Going to sell hot dogs.

Remember to keep your munny in your pants.

From: Mickey

…

Dolan was shocked.

You couldn't tell though because his face is constantly the same and he can't move it at all.

Dolan had many, many questions regarding this letter, but the first thing that came to mind was:

What are pants?