After 10 hours of wandering around the hallways (seriously why must Mickey be such an asshat), the sad little creature known as Dolan finally made it to his co-worker, Gooby.

He was a bastardization of the original Goofy, created by Mickey in his evil laboratory after Goofy died soon after he graduated.

His appearance...well...it was terrifying. It was truly a hideous creature, one that sends both fear and humor in the hearts of man. Like his friend Dolan, he was what was called a meme. Mickey wanted Disney to be more relevant so him and Satan both decided to profit off of these memes. Unfortunately that meant subjecting Dolan and Gooby to a tragic existence of literally endless suffering and ridicule.

Gooby was even more idiotic than Dolan (if that were possible), but in his defense, he was a little less useless. Juuuuuust a little.

Gooby had been lying in the empty garden, which was the most common place for the castle residents to commit suicide. Now there were barely any left at all. He had been lying there for around a week and no one noticed.

As for what Gooby was doing, he was questioning the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. Dark and depressing thoughts that would lead any sane person to insanity ran through his head constantly. Underneath the emotionless and memetic face that he cannot move whatsoever, he was suffering internally but he had no idea how to express it. He knew so much...far too much. After what he has seen through his tragic life, one has to wonder why he doesn't live amongst the corpses as another poor resident who committed suicide under Mickey's tyranny. If only someone else could see the world the way Gooby did, because he could sense the universe descending into entropy. He was like a god watching over his creation. But no one would ever know. No one would ever know. No one would ever know the tragedy of Gooby-

"WAKE UP GOOBY! WAKE UP!"

"Dolan plz. I has ben awak sht da fk app. I mean...*cough cough* Gawrsh!"

"Gooby, the king is gone!"

"Daw if only we could have told dem folks dat before they killed themselves."

"That's not important! Gooby...what are pants?" Dolan asked his companion desperately.

"Pants?"

"Yes, pants."

"Yuck yuck, I think dey may be dem things that girls take off during the hubba hubba."

"We should ask Daisy and Minnie."

"But Dolan, the King used dem in dat satanic ritual the other day."

They both looked to their right and they saw Queen Minnie and Daisy, who had both been hanged, with a giant satanic pentagram underneath them. They both could have swore they heard choirs in the background, and as they did, fire surrounded the pentagram and an evil laugh could be heard in the distance.

"Oh, right."

...

"Sora, you've already lost 98 times! Can't we just do something else?"

"NO. I MUST WIN."

Since Kairi had (generously, apparently) allowed both Sora and Riku to take a break from working on the raft, Sora and Riku were competing with each other. They both loved each other a lot but they were also somewhat jealous of each other and they both sought to be the better one. But one was good in an area that the other one wasn't. Sora was a master at jrpg's while Riku was a filthy fucking casual. Riku was a brilliant athlete while Sora couldn't even open a water bottle.

And Sora, in all duels against Riku, lost. Badly.

But Sora does not take losing well at all. He's like one of those gamers that get really mad after trying to beat the boss over and over again, and they're so close to ragequitting but they don't because they're determined to beat the living shit out of it even if it meant sacrificing food or sleep.

They were both competing in a race to decide what the raft would be killed. Sora wanted RKS Legacy and Riku wanted the Rikunator. …He wasn't the best when it came to names.

But that information was irrelevant now.

Right now the score was 98 to Riku and 0 to Sora. Sora blamed his losses on the "shitty platforming" that this game apparently had. Both of them knew that that wasn't true though. When Sora is unable to succeed at a game no matter how hard he tries, he literally goes berserk. Right now his eyes were red, he was breathing heavily and growling, and Riku was worried that Sora would start foaming out of his mouth like he had rabies.

"You know…Sora…we can just call the raft the RKS Legacy if you want…" Riku calmly suggested to Sora, trying to get him to chill.

"NO, I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I BEAT YOU!"

In the few instances where Sora turned into this, he was honestly terrifying. It was like a demon had possessed him. Or millions of angry gamers had nested inside his head for the winter.

"But Sora…if we don't start working again, Kairi will…"

"WHO THE BLEEP IS KAIRI?" he screamed desperately at Riku.

"Never mind."

…

*one obstacle course later*

…

"Yay, I won! I actually beat Riku!" Sora cheered triumphantly despite the fact that he was completely exhausted.

Riku chuckled, panting a little.

"You sure did, Sora."

"I guess that now that I've won we're calling the raft RKS Legacy, hmmm?" Sora teased.

Riku just shrugged.

"Eh, whatever. It's just a name."

Is was that moment that it finally happened.

The thing that Riku had been waiting for.

The pout.

To Riku, Sora's pout was literally one of the most adorable things to ever exist. He loved it when Sora did it, it was just so…cute, and…cute. To Riku, it was irresistible.

He literally couldn't help but pinch and squeeze Sora's cheeks playfully, which caused Sora to burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"C-cut it out Riku!" he said in-between laughs.

"I can't help it, you're just too cute!" Riku repiied, who was also starting to laugh a little.

As they were both having fun with each and not being homosexual in any way, Riku started to feel a little better after the events that happened yesterday, being in Sora's presence just generally made him happy.

I really hope we'll never be separated from each other, Riku thought to himself. I just hope that nothing would happen that would lead us to becoming enemies. Ah well, surely nothing like that would happen.

…

While Sora was fulfilling his duties to Kairi by collecting the provisions necessary for the journey to Light knows where, he ended up at the not so Secret Place, a cave with a magical door of magical properties that can't be opened. No one questioned what it was or why it was there. It was just…there. Because yes.

Sora looked at the carvings he was forced to make by Kairi when he was a child. It was a Sora head and a Kairi head staring at each other. Sora always saw Kairi as his friend, and that by doing her multiple quests for her which usually involved manual labor or torture, he would be able to 100% complete the jrpg that he was the main character of. Although for some reason, when he thought of Kairi, he felt things like…sadness, discomfort, fear. Why was that…? Kairi was his friend, and an NPC. Main characters were always supposed to do quests for an NPC no matter how much suffering they have to endure, right? It's all for the good of the world, after all.

Yet with Riku…Sora felt like he was more than an NPC. He loved spending time with Riku, but he usually only got to do it when they were both forced into labor by Kairi. Apart from that his only friends were the Disney movies and Final Fantasy games he grew up with. To Sora, Riku was more than just a bunch of 1's and 0's.

Ever since the paopu fruit incident yesterday, Sora had many questions. Why did Riku want to share the paopu fruit with him, when Riku always hated fruit? Maybe it was that thing Riu mentioned about destinies being intertwined…

He placed his oversized hand on the Kairi head he was forced to craft. For some reason he always saw the head as Riku instead of Kairi…maybe it was because of the chalk giving the illusion of white hair? (He wasn't sure what exactly Riku's hair color was though because of the limited PS2 graphics).

Sora then decided to add something to the carving. Now, Sora was now giving Kairi…I mean, Riku, the paopu fruit.

He then sighed, he felt regret for not sharing it with him. He hoped that he didn't hurt Riku, and that it wouldn't eventually lead him to turn to the dark side or something. Sora then smiled as he realized that that would never happen.

Sora then heard something move. Because having something creepy hanging around a cave with a magical door was totally unexpected.

"Who's there?"

It was then that he saw an ominous looking mysterious figure, in a brown hooded cloak. It was kinda hard to see though because of the lighting of the map.

"I've come to see the door to this world."

"Ahhh so that's what that door was!" Sora said as if he made the most mindblowing discovery ever. Such cute enthusiasm.

"This world has been con-"

"Who are you?"

"As I was saying…this world has been-"

"Reveal thyself!" Sora demanded.

"…This world has-"

Sora took out his wooden sword.

"Answer me, for I-"

"HEY. CAN YOU LET ME FINISH?" the hooded figure shouted unexpectedly in his deep and sexy voice, which startled Sora a little.

"Ok ok, I'm sorry," Sora apologized.

"Anyway…as I was saying…this world has been connected."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…You can speak now."

"Ahhh ok!"

The hooded figure sighed as he continued to foreshadow stuff.

"…Tied to the darkness-"

"DARKNESS?!"

Sora then immediately realized that he must have been the bad guy of this jrpg. And he knew what he had to do. He then started to beat the hooded figure into submission with his wooden sword without mercy or remorse.

"DAMMIT BOI, GET OFF ME!"

"NEVER! FOR I AM SORA, THE MAIN CHARACTER!"

"GAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"I SHALL SMITE THEE, FOUL CREATURE OF DARKNESS!"

The hooded figure then pushed Sora off him with the powers of darkness actually it was due to the author having to remain mostly consistent with the original plot but shhh we must not speak of such things.

"*ahem* As I was saying…" the hooded figure continued. "Soon to be…dammit I forgot my lines! Now my plan, which consisted of making a few vague comments that'll unsettle you a little, has failed!"

"I see…anyway, I gotta go and explore the other worlds with a wooden raft and a very small amount of food."

"There is so very much to learn. You understand so little."

"Well I'll learn everything that's out there!" Sora told the hooded figure confidently.

"A meaningless effort. One who knows nothing, can understand nothing."

Sora tilted his head in confusion.

"Isn't that the whole point of learning?"

…There was a long moment of awkward silence.

"Blast. Foiled again! But next time, I will succeed! And all worlds will submit to the darkness! MWAHAHAHAH! MWAHAH-*cough**cough**choking noises*-AHAHAHAAAAA!"

And with that he suddenly disappeared.

Sora smiled.

"Well, I can't help but admire his devotion to his evil plans."

…

After that totally irrelevant and unimportant encounter with the hooded figure, so much so that Sora never told anyone about it, Sora ended up listening to Kairi's story about how she murdered a bunch of sailors and stole their shells. And that the three of them (meaning the RKS trio) would always be together. By that she meant that the two poor boys would always be her slaves, obviously.

Sora wouldn't normally think much of it, but now…he really started to wonder if maybe Kairi was just using Sora for her own personal gain…he started to have doubts as to whether the so-called "quests" that he did for her would help Sora save the world in his epic jrpg adventure. And then he thought about everyone else also doing these so-called "quests" for her.

He never wanted to believe that Kairi was lying to him…but now he was starting to have doubts.

Both of them were sitting ("SIT UP STRAIGHT MAGGOT", Kairi suddenly yelled) at the pier, looking at the beautiful sunset.

She then said something very…strange.

"Riku has changed."

Sora was immediately confused.

"What…no he hasn't. He's literally been the same since we were…"

Kairi then gave him a bitch slap.

"That's what you get for talking back to me."

"Sorry, sorry…are you ok?"

"Let's go without Riku."

"…What?"

"Did I stutter? We should get our *bleep* on the raft, go to another world, and leave Riku stranded in this dump."

Sora then felt a strange pain in his heart as Kairi said those words. I can't…I can't go without Riku…

"In fact I was just going to kill him in his sleep tonight. If you wanna do it then I-"

"No."

Kairi was shocked as she saw her most loyal servant defy her.

"…What did you just say?"

"I said no. Riku is coming with us."

"Ha! As if-"

Before Kairi could finish her sentence, she felt a hard slap across her cheek, which was especially painful for her since the hand was cartoonishly oversized. Not to mention that this…this was the first time anyone had properly rebelled against her…and it was Sora of all people.

Meanwhile Sora felt bad for Kairi, but it felt so satisfying being the hero who would defend Riku…albeit indirectly.

In fact, Sora's bitch slap was so strong that it could Kairi to somehow fall off the pier and into the water below.

Sora tried to grab Kairi's hand dramatically as she was falling like they do in the movies, but lol nope Kairi fell in anyway. And Sora still had his hand extended and his face full of grief and angst, because that's what people do in movies.

"Nooooo! Kairiiiiiii!" he screamed dramatically, with emotion, and drama, and slight sexual tension.

Kairi's last words were a faint whisper.

"Sora…"

He stared at the ocean below him from the pier where Kairi fell, dramatically might I add. Sora then stopped angsting and went back to his usual cheery self immediately.

"Ah well, surely Kairi's fine!"

Bubbles started appearing from the water, in the spot where Kairi fell.

"Yep, surely she can swim back up to safety at any moment."

Nothing happened.

"Well…if Disney and Squaresoft have taught me anything, it's that with the power of friendship, she'll be able to surpass this and survive in one piece! Anyway, I should find Riku."

As Sora left the pier, there were no more bubbles.

…

As night fell, Sora was resting on his bed, hoping that some kind of traumatic event that would make him lose everything he ever had wouldn't occur.

He just finished watching Treasure Planet for the bajillionth time, and now he was thinking about what Kairi said. Why didn't Kairi want Riku to join them two on the raft? Oh well, he knew that the three would be able to set sail later on the RKS Legacy to…well, he didn't know. But that was an essential part of the jrpg experience, venturing out into the unknown (that is, unless someone spoiled it. Seriously, can people just not do that plz).

It was then that he heard a storm from outside.

"Oh no, the raft!"

Since this was a cutscene, Sora magically teleported to the island off screen, while a certain someone was calling for him.

"Sora, dinner's ready!"

That was one of the citizens of Destiny Islands, and one of Kairi's many slaves. Her life of pain and misery gradually drove her insane, so much so that she actually believed that she was this thing called a "parent". Which was false since everyone knew that parents don't exist. At all.

"Come on down…Sora?"

Poor girl. So delusional.

…

As Sora made it to the island, he saw a giant purple sphere of death in the sky. Sora immediately drew his wooden sword.

"This must be darkness! In all its evil purpleness!"

He then saw Riku's and Kairi's boat…which made Sora question once again why the hell they needed the raft.

"THE PURPLE MUST DIE!" Sora chanted, disregarding all common sense and logic.

It was then that Shadows started randomly appearing.

"Oh my…this is just like in my dream…"

The Shadows advanced closer towards Sora, being as unthreatening as always. Sora didn't pay attention to them though, he was too busy jumping up and down, squealing like a fangirl with an anime-ish twinkle in his eyes.

"My dream must have been foreshadowing future events! That means…"

A drum roll could be heard in the background and glitter started appearing everywhere for some reason, as Sora then made a triumphant pose, looking even more happy and cheery than he always did.

"I REALLY AM THE MAIN CHARACTER!"

Sora looked at the Shadow who was standing in front of him. The Shadow was purring like an adorable kitten. Sora almost didn't want to kill it, but it was darkness and darkness = eviiiiiiiil.

He then tried to impale the Shadow with his trusty wooden sword.

"Yah!"

It didn't work.

"Yah!"

Still didn't work.

"Yah yah yah yah yah yah yah yah YAH!"

…Still nothing.

Sora looked at the wooden sword.

He looked at the Shadow.

He looked at the wooden sword again.

"…Bleep," Sora muttered to himself.

…

*3 seconds later*

"I'M SORRY I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" Sora wailed in pure terror as he ran away from the angry horde of Shadows.

The Shadows all hissed at him simultaneously.

"I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER, THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!" Sora complained loudly.

Thankfully for him he found Riku standing on the island doing literally nothing, and Sora had an idea. Having played jrpg's all his life, he knew that if he got close enough to Riku, it would trigger a cutscene and all the Shadows would go away.

With all the strength his skinny little legs could muster, he ran as fast as he could towards him to get away from the angry Shadows, which were hissing even louder than before.

Sora couldn't look back. He was almost there…

Just a little closer…

A liiiiiitle closer…

…He made it!

Once he reached Riku, all the Shadows suddenly disappeared, he was safe within the cutscene where there would be no gameplay involved.

He was really happy to see Riku, but…why was he acting so weird? Ah well, Sora was sure he hadn't turned evil or anything.

"Where's Kairi, I thought she was with you!" Sora asked Riku desperately.

"The door has opened…"

"What?"

"The door has opened Sora! Now we can go to the outside world!"

"What are you talking about? We gotta find Kairi!"

Kairi…why does he have to care about *bleep* Kairi…

"You don't understand, Sora. Kairi is not our friend."

"But…how can you say that?"

"She's evil, Sora! She's manipulated you, she enslaved all of us for so many years…but I won't have it anymore."

"Riku…what are you saying?"

"It was the only way, Sora…I had to join the darkness."

"DARKNESS?!"

"Yes, Sora. I have turned to the dark side."

Sora then got out his wooden sword, ready to beat Riku to a bloody pulp, until he realized…that it was Riku. He couldn't do that to Riku, he was his totally heterosexual life partner!

"B-but Riku! The darkness is evil, which means you'll be the bad guy and I'll have to kill you since I'm the main character! I don't want to do that…"

"Sora…please listen. I know this may be hard to understand because of your disorder, but please. I need you to join me Sora. Together we can be free! Just the two of us, forever!"

"Riku…"

"I am not a bad guy, and you are not a main character. So please, I ask you from the bottom of my heart…turn to the dark side with me, Sora."

Riku then held out his hand.

And a pool of the evil darkness, in all it's evil purpleness, materialized underneath him.

Sora tried to save him, but it was no use…no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't reach him at all. It was as if the game was purposefully not allowing him to grab Riku, it seemed.

Then, everything became dark. Like, actual darkness and not the weird purple stuff.

And then a light shined to illuminate the darkness.

And after that…Sora was brought back to the islands, without Riku…

Before Sora could start angsting about it however, he realized that he had something in his hand. It was a giant key. What would he do with it though? Open giant doors?

To Sora's surprise, Mr Floating Text Man reappeared!

"Kiburado…"

"…What?"

"Kiburado…"

"I…I don't know what that is…"

"*sigh* That's the weapon you're holding, idiot."

"Wait…so my weapon is an oversized key?"

"Yes."

"Awww, why can't I have something cool? Like a gunblade? Or a buster sword?"

"You get a fucking key."

"But I don't want a key!" Sora whined.

"Too bad."

And with that, the floating text was gone, leaving Sora alone on an island being swallowed by purpleness, with only a key of all things for a weapon.

Not only that, but Sora's stomach was rumbling since he hadn't had dinner.

This really wasn't a good day for him.

A/N: I know that Darkside wasn't in this chapter but I couldn't resist using this pun for the chapter title. Sorry. XD