Meanwhile, at Disney Castle...
...
"ALALAHYODHLAHLAH!"
You may think that that was the author randomly mashing at his keyboard, but that was in fact Dolan screaming incoherently. 'Twas his battle cry.
Gooby was just watching, questioning the meaning of life, and it's meaningless. This scene had really got him thinking about why we reject things that are different to us.
You see, a mysterious critter had invaded the castle. Not just any critter though, it was a cricket.
It's disgusting legs, it's beady eyes, it's cricket noises, it's journal that it carries around for some reason. It couldn't actually write in it though because...well, he was a cricket. That's the joke. You're supposed to laugh now. Then again crickets are no laughing matter. They are evil, foul creatures, not to mention that they're also a very boring sport.
Dolan was trying to kill this little bastard with his broom...and failing.
"GOOBY! HELP ME PLZ!" Dolan pleaded.
"Gawrsh."
"PLZ GOOBY!"
"Uhhh."
"I need your love, I need your time! Whenever..."
Gooby just stood there with that same disturbing face.
Dolan sighed at Gooby's idiocy.
"Fine, I'll do it myself, you big palooka."
"Uhhh we're memes Dolan, we have no palookas."
Dolan glanced at Gooby, unable to express anger since he couldn't move his face at all, just like Gooby, but him holding the broom up in a threatening way was enough to send the message.
"I'll give you a palooka right now if you don't-"
Their conversation was cut short when it turned out that the journal carrying cricket was sat right on Dolan's beak.
They also had no spines apparently (figuratively and literally). Because as soon as they looked closely at the evil journal-holding cricket who was hopping around innocently into its big gaping eyes that stared into your soul, it's hairy disgusting legs that were surely disease riddled and coated with germs, and the yawns from the audience who wanted to kill themselves from boredom, Dolan and Gooby panicked and ran as fast as they could out of the room, which took around three days.
...And since Dolan forgot the donuts, they had to run back to the room where they fought the cricket, and get them, then come back to the garden, which took around a week.
It was totally worth it.
As Dolan and Gooby enjoyed their donuts (which they couldn't eat because they were unable to move their mouths), they were brainstorming ideas on how to defeat the evil cricket once and for all.
"Garwsh, we need to stop that darned thing. What if everyone starts panicking?"
"We're the only ones here you palooka head! Everyone else who works at the castle is dead!"
Dolan then heard someone call from behind him. It was a dog like creature who looked oddly similar to Mickey Mouse somehow...
"Hi! My name is Bimbo! Can I get a job?"
Dolan immediately stabbed him.
"See what I mean? Dead."
Gooby just stared blankly at him.
"Whale then, I dunno."
"You don't know anything."
"I know how the universe began. Or rather, I know of its slow and eternal descent into madness and despair that will eventually turn into nothingness."
"Shore you do Gooby. Now, let's find more donuts!"
"Oh boy! Donuts!"
...
Six days later...
...
Unable to get rid of Jiminy Creep-it (that's what Dolan and Gooby both decided to name the creature), Dolan and Gooby spent ages creating a convoluted and complex plan, one that the KH villains could only dream of coming up with.
Their plan was to build a giant door within the castle. Then they would lock the door with a giant key. Then they would go to sleep and wake up in the future when time machines were a thing. Then they would go to the past and give their past selves the details of their plan to kill cricket. And once they know these details, they use the time machine to meet with their future selves and see what method they had used to finally kill the cricket, then they would go back to the present and gain amnesia after hitting their head on a giant rock, only to gradually regain their memories once their future selves come back, so that once they recover amnesia they'll become evil and find all the different versions of Dolan and Gooby to build an army so that they can find all the donuts that Mickey hid within the palace.
Then they would purchase some bug spray and kill the cricket with that.
It only took them a week to think of, while they were walking down an unnecessarily long staircase that took them two weeks to fully traverse.
To succeed in their so-called "Dolan Goobit", they needed a mode of transportation.
Sadly...that wasn't going so well.
...
"What do you MEAN that the only ship you have is made of polygons?" Dolan complained to Chip and Dale, which were two of Mickey's squirrel workers that killed themselves during Mickey's evil reign of terror, but unfortunately for them, they came back to life and they were now undead versions of their original selves.
"Gawrsh, isn't that the evil ship that everyone here was so scared of?" Gooby wondered.
"Yes. Legend has it that it's flying sections are so annoying and unnecessary that it has driven people MAD."
"That...that sounds terrible!"
"Mickey makes people do missions as a way of torture if they disobey him."
Dolan and Gooby shuddered at the thought.
"But what about dat customization?" Gooby asked earnestly,
...Chip and Dale both started laughing hysterically, literally breaking their funny bones as they did so.
"Ah Gooby."
"How hilarious you are sometimes."
"Nobody cares about customization!"
Bimbo then appeared suddenly, with a knife still deep inside him from where Dolan stabbed him earlier.
A/N: Yes, continuity is a thing in this parody. I swear. :D
"I care about customization!" he chimed in happily.
"Seriously, shut up plz," Dolan, Gooby, Chip and Dale all said in unison.
Dolan was starting to get a little concerned. You couldn't see it in his face or in his character as a whole, but he was.
"Why do we have to drive it then if it's that bad?"
"Because I like watching you all suffer."
"But..."
"Just get in it."
"I don't-"
"Get in it."
"I-"
"GET IN THE *bleep* POLYGONS DOLAN"
A tear rolled down Dolan's eye.
"Ok."
Pluto then suddenly appeared from the depths of Satan's lair, acting creepy yet somehow also adorable as always. Like Gooby he was entirely omnipotent, but while Gooby was a godlike entity, Pluto was...rather satanic.
"HAIL SATAN. DISNEY IS POWER. YOUR MOTHER SUCKS PALOOKAS IN HELL."
"Please. Enough with the references..." Dolan pleaded.
The fact that Dolan thought the references could ever possibly stop was amusing, to say the least. It's a parody, references are like...obligatory.
...
As Dolan and Gooby were finally ready on their pile of polygons, with their determination high and blood sugar dangerously low, they had to send their last goodbyes. Dolan knew that he had to say goodbye to his beloved, his wife, his genderbent clone: Daisy.
"BYE DAISY! I'LL BE BACK SOON! I'LL TRY NOT TO BE LATE FOR DINNER!" Dolan called out.
Daisy was too busy being hanged in a satanic ritual to reply.
"Gawrsh, she's not really very friendly now is she?" Gooby whispered to Dolan.
"Yeah, her time of the month was way longer than I thought it would be," Dolan quietly whispered back.
Dolan gave a totally non-creepy wink at her as they were both ready to fly towards the cosmos during a long and tedious space shooting segment. What fun!
The engines (or lack there-of since it was literally just polygons) started, the countdown began, and they were ready to commence the lift off, until...
"Hey, can someone get this knife out of my cranium?" Bimbo asked to no one in particular.
With that distraction, Dolan accidentally pressed the wrong button, which made it so that instead of taking off, Dolan and Gooby ended up falling into the void of space. Because apparently, that can happen. It makes sense. I swear to you it does. Just because I didn't describe it didn't mean that it's not true.
Chip and Dale just shrugged at the incompetence of the two memes.
"Eh. Whatever. They're the government's problem now."
"Yeah. Let's get donuts."
Daisy and Minnie would have gone to get some donuts too, but they was too busy not being alive.
...
And so, the Dolan and the Gooby floated in the vast and eternal void of space, inside a giant ship made of "Gummi Blocks" which are obviously just polygons goddammit.
"Awww phooey," Dolan whined.
"Whale it's not dat bad. At least we don't have to do dem gummi ship sections now!"
"Yeah, screw the Gummi Ship."
Dolan then realized something...Jiminy had been on Dolan's beak the entire time.
He made his trademarked incomprehensible shouting noises angrily as he realized this, which scared even Gooby. The very journal holding cricket that they were trying to kill with their insanely convoluted plan involving keys and time travel was stalking them, possibly making his own convoluted counter plan as revenge.
Eh. Still less problematic than the Gummi Ship sections.
"What are you doing here? I command you to speak vermin!" Dolan said with confidence, even though he was terrified on the inside.
He made cricket noises.
"TELL ME!"
He kept making cricket noises.
"...Plz?"
The cricket then got a pencil from outside of the screens boundaries and started to write in its journal.
"HEY! Whaddaya think you're doing?!"
Dolan then immediately tried snatching the journal from the cricket, who protected the journal with his life. The cricket was winning too, he really didn't want to let that journal go.
"C'mon...just...let...GO!"
Gooby just watched.
"GOOBY HELP ME FOR *bleep* SAKE!" Dolan screamed angrily.
"...Gawrsh."
In the end, somehow, the creature known as Dolan finally won the journal as his prize in a tug of war match with a cricket. Truly it was a test of heart and skill, one that wou-
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Dolan interrupted.
He examined the journal but he couldn't decipher it at all. It was all just nonsensical scribbles, something that a toddler would make when he's bored in class.
"Gooby...this must be some kind secret code."
"Oh my...dat would be amazing!"
"Maybe this will lead us to...the pants."
"I thought we were looking for dat giant key for our "Dolan Goobit" or whatever?"
"SHUT UP AND LET ME HAVE MY PANTS!"
"Ok ok, shore. Now lemme read dat code..."
One hour later...
"So, Gooby, what is the verdict?" Dolan asked excitedly.
"Whale...there is no code."
"*incomprehensible noises* WAAAAT?"
"It just looks dem weird scribbles to you when it's actually just normal words written on the pages."
"But...why? Why is this happening to me Gooby?"
"Well, hyuck, you can't read!"
"Oh...right."
Dolan then slumped his chair during one of his moments of self-loathing. The fact that he was less useful than GOOBY was just...embarrassing. So embarrassing.
"Well. What does it say?" Dolan asked during his angsting session.
"Wha?"
"The journal. What is written in the journal?!" Dolan asked again, more impatient this time.
"Hyuck, nothin'. It's completely blank."
...
Oh well, Dolan thought to himself. Surely whoever has the giant key is doing better than I am right now.
"OH MY LIGHT I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE!"
Sora looked up in fear as the dreaded purpleness was swallowing his homeland. He was standing on a suspended rock in the air, watching as the island around him was gradually being swallowed up. He even felt himself being lifted off the ground and into the shadowy void.
As Sora was sucked like a vacuum into the giant ball of purpleness, his final words were:
"AND I NEVER EVEN FINISHED THE TUTORIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL-"
And with that, he was gone.