"Wow, this background song is so nice!" said Sora as he was exploring the Lotus Forest, enjoying the detour despite having to go on a tedious fetch-quest.

"Eventually you'll get sick of it, and you'll want to stab your ears like they do in Uzumaki."

"Garwsh Dolan, isn't that just a little bit too extreme?"

"No."

"Duuh ok then."

"Let's hit random stuff!"

And then they proceeded to hit random stuff, because that's what jrpg heroes always do. Hit stuff.

Instead of the regular Heartless however, they found some weird mushroom like creatures that were just wandering around endlessly.

"Dey seem harmless!," said Gooby.

Sora frowned.

"The DARKNESS! is never harmless. It only exists to cause pain and suffering. But I have to agree…THESE THINGS ARE SO CUTE!"

Sora immediately grabbed one of them and began hugging him tightly, wanting to embrace this adorable, innocent creature.

"You're such a cutie! With your fungi robe and your fungi hat and all! You really seem like a fungi! Get it…? Fun-guy?" said Sora.

The mushroom creature tried breaking free from Sora's binding love grasp, but alas, it was too late.

"I hope you don't mind if I stop because I don't think I have…"mushroom" for more puns! Ha! Get it? Mushroom? Much room?"

Sora erupted into a fit of childish laughter as he kept hugging the thing. Dolan and Gooby just watched.

"Maybe I should keep you as a pet!"

The White Mushroom growled angrily, trying desperately to move his appendages without being crushed.

"I think I'll call you…Friend!"

The White Mushroom broke free from Sora's grasp, and then started thrashing around everywhere like he was throwing a major tantrum. Even though the White Mushroom couldn't actually communicate.

"Is something wrong, Friend?"

It sighed and started doing a pose. It looked like it was thinking about something.

"…Is something wrong, Friend?"

It kept doing that pose.

"Are you trying to remember something? Memory loss is very common in jrpg's."

It then started shivering.

"…Are you cold? Is that it? What do you want me to do?"

It kept shivering.

"It's…it's not even that cold. How am I supposed to help you?"

It then started wiggling his hips.

"Garwsh, it sure knows how to move," said Gooby.

"Let's kill it," said Dolan.

Dolan whacked it on the head with his staff of power, putting an end to its short, meaningless life. Sora stared at it with tears in his eyes, hoping that Friend was still alive.

"Is…is he gone…?" asked Sora quietly.

"Nah he's just asleep," said Dolan, making Sora feel relieved,

"And besides, didn't you say dat nothing can die in these "jay argh pi geez" things?"

"…Wow Gooby, you're right. And besides, surely with the power of friendship, Friend will wake up again!"

…

One second later…

…

"Garwsh. It's taking a really long time for dat mushroom to wake up."

"Yeah, we should just continue with our fetch quest," said Sora.

"I concur," said Dolan.

…

And so they continued with their pointless fetch quest.

Oh, and the Cheshire Cat suddenly appeared, bouncing on its head and stuff. What a show off.

"Who are you?!" screamed Dolan rather rudely.

"Who indeed?"

"You're the Cheshire Cat!" said Sora happily.

"How would you know who I am? Prehaps you are not from this world, I assume?"

Sora's mood immediately changed once he realized his mistake.

"Dammit we can't we blend in properly? I bet everyone has figured out by now that we're outsiders, and that the world border has probably already collapsed just by existing-"

"Garwsh Sora, you're kinda making it worse," said Gooby.

"I don't think it can get much worse than this Gooby," said Dolan.

"Anyway…poor Alice, soon to lose her head, and she's not guilty of a thing!"

"Hey, if you know who the culprit is, tell us!" demanded Dolan.

"I bet you're the culprit, aren't you?!" said Sora as he summoned the Kiburado (seriously that name's so dumb it's kinda hard for the author to even type).

"The Cheshire Cat has all the answers, but doesn't always tell~"

"THAT MEANS YOU'RE THE CULPRIT!"

"But child, I-"

"WORKING FOR THE DARKNESS! NO DOUBT!"

"…Umm…."mumbled the Cheshire Cat, trying to remember his lines."Yes, the answer, the culprit, the cat, all lie in darkness."

Sora immediately stabbed him.

"Garwsh," said Gooby.

As the Cheshire Cat was literally dying while sad music played in the background, the last words to come out of his mouth were "there are…four pieces…of evidence…ah, forget it."

"Why did you do that?!" Dolan screamed at Sora, staring at the cat's dead body.

"It's just…he was being so cryptic, just like in the movie! And everyone knows that being cryptic is a sign of being evil!"

"I didn't like him," said Gooby. "Cats are gross. I mean they hate Mondays of all things. Who could hate Mondays? It's the start of a brand new week!"

And then, the author just realized that he put a Garfield reference. In a Kingdom Hearts parody. Like…why.

"So wait…we have to get four things?" Sora complained.

"Oh no, four things?! How would we ever survive?!" said Dolan in a sarcastic and mocking tone.

"With patience. And lots of drugs," Gooby replied.

"What are drugs?" asked Sora innocently.

…

As they ventured into the Bizzare Room (which really wasn't that bizarre actually. It was just way too big) they found one of the four things they needed to find, which was conveniently placed neatly into a little box. How convenient! Not like that stuff from Destiny Islands which was out in the open. Seriously, I propose that literally everything should be placed in little boxes around the map so they're easier to find. The world would be such a better place.

Oh, and the thing they found were Claw Marks.

…Which somehow were in a box.

"Wow, dem claw marks would be pretty useful in dat trial!"

"Quack," was Dolan's intelligent reply.

"It is a shame that the very nature of there being claw marks inside a box is so improbable and goes against the very laws of physics, that we in the real world could not possibly perceive it, it is something that is way too abstract and impossible to truly visualize so the only way that we are able to display the knowledge of the discovery of the claw marks in the box would be to communicate via verbal expression, which would prove useless in a trial since they are looking for physical evidence that can be perceived by all the senses, and without providing such criteria necessary for legal judgement, our statements will be considered null and void, all of which labeled as false, or at the very least they will see it as nothing more than amusing hyperbole, which would not help our case sadly. And if this is one of the four things that we must find, then our efforts would be considered worthless, and there is no hope for any of us since we're all descending into madness, and we always have been since conception," said Gooby.

"…Quack."

"Wheeeee I have ice powers!" said Sora triumphantly.

And then they collected the rest of the evidence off-screen. It took hours, maybe even days, maybe even years, maybe it could be its own spinoff game. But that is a story for another day.

…

Sora stood on the podium, ready to free Alice.

"Oh Sora, you came back!" said Alice gleefully, grateful for her Japanese hero.

"Wait who are you again?" asked Sora. "Oh, right, you're Alice. Anyway…"

He looked up at the queen, feeling confident that he would win this trial. And if he didn't, he could always just kill everyone, and run away before they respawned.

"Here's the evidence. Alice is innocent."

And then suddenly, Sora with his main character powers, made four pink boxes appear. Which didn't really make sense since Sora only took what was inside each box and not the box itself. Then again, trying to explain the logic behind all this would be like trying to explain why Sora could store things like a goddamn tent in his inventory.

The queen gasped at the amount of evidence that Sora managed to obtain.

"That is surely a lot of boxes you have there! Impressive! BUT! You haven't seen my box yet! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"Garwsh, the queen has a box too? Dis is BAD!" said Gooby, extremely worried.

"Maybe someone gave it to her as a Christmas gift."

And then suddenly, with the Queen's own power that came from her British heritage, she made her own box appear.

"The queen's box…this must be the boss of this world!" said Sora, feeling determined. "Quick! Box 1, attack! Box 2, use Fire! Box 3, defend the other two! Box 4...umm…attack!"

Nothing happened.

The Queen of Hearts laughed condescendingly at Sora's futile attempts.

"Clearly you have not yet mastered box telepathy, child! Now I, the Queen of Hearts, will show you how it is done! OHOHOHOHOHO!"

Suddenly, the order of all five boxes were changed in a flash, so fast that no one could even see how it happened.

"So then, apparently you Japanese lads are smart. So tell me smart boy, which box is my box?!" the Queen asked evilly.

Sora's faith immediately disappeared as he realized that he didn't know. Not even his main character powers could get him out of this one.

"I…I don't know…"

"HA! Undeniable proof that we Brits are SUPERIOR! Because we have BOXES!"

"But-"

"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

"But I like my head!"

"TOO BAD."

"Garwsh, the legal system here sure is broken," said Gooby.

"Pfft, where isn't the legal system broken?" asked Dolan.

"Then you leave me no choice…" said Sora grimly.

He raised his weapon and pointed it at the queen.

"Ha! That's just a toy! What are you going to do? Put in your mouth you Japanese pervert?!"

"No…instead, I'm going to do something that should have been done a long time ago…"

Gooby and Dolan watched in awe as they couldn't help but wonder if Sora was actually willing to kill the queen. I mean, he did kill a cat after all, even if it was working for the darkness.

Sora then got a napkin out of his pocket and wiped his Kiburado to get some of the dirt out of it.

"I really should have cleaned this a long time ago. It's starting to get dirty. Oh, and now I will set Alice free!"

He pointed his Kiburado at Alice's cage.

"Key laser, go!" he shouted, as it shot out of his mighty weapon, freeing Alice from her cage. She ran up to Sora, giving him a great big hug. He felt slightly uncomfortable, he was only ever used to Riku hugging him.

"Sora, you saved me!"

"It's what any Italian plumber would do, it's no big deal!"

"SEIZE THEEEEEEM!" the now deranged Queen commanded britishly at her cards.

The cards all advanced towards our heroes, and they knew that they had to get away, even though they were literally no threat whatsoever.

"Uhhh couldn't Sora have just done that at the very start?" asked Gooby.

"No time for that, we gotta run!" Dolan replied.

…

Eventually Sora, Alice, Dolan and Gooby made it to the Bizzare Room. But they weren't alone…

The four looked up in horror as they saw a giant Heartless walking around the room, humming to himself happily. It was a weird…spider…pole…thing, which had mostly red and black painted over it's body. Once he heard the four coming, he looked down at them with a smile on his face…or faces.

"Hey guys!" he greeted. "My name is Trickmaster!"

Sora raised his weapon, ready to defeat the enemy.

"That's not one of the props I'm looking for," said the Trickmaster. "I'm looking for a real weapon for Alice to wield, like an axe or a gun. That's just a toy."

"State your business, foul beast!" Sora demanded.

"Wellllll I'm making a movie, you see. Veeeery high budget, I got all the best actors to join me," he replied excitedly. "I just need to adjust the set a little."

"Oh my, what do mean by adjusting the set?" asked Alice.

"Hmm…how do I put this…this place stinks. It's SO last season. People aren't going to want this! That's why I seriously need to renovate. Like getting rid of this ugly table."

As soon as he said that, Trickmaster stumbled towards the table and smashed it, making it inexplicably disappear for a moment. He then sighed.

"As much as I want to get rid of this damn table, it keeps coming back!" he said. "It mocks my artistic vision by being nothing more than an eyesore!"

"Garwsh, you must really not like dat table."

"It's not just the table, it's so many other things too! Everything is just too cute! Too…too Disney! There's only one thing I can do remedy this situation."

"Go to another franchise?" suggested Sora.

"Cry yourself to sleep at night?" suggested Dolan.

"No, not that. I'm gonna burn this place to the ground."

"WHAT?!" all four of them screamed.

"Yep. Until it all becomes nothing more than a desolate wasteland with no hopes and no dreams! Doesn't that sound FUN?!"

"But why…" asked Alice, close to sobbing. "Why would you burn such a beautiful place like this?"

"Because fire is cool!"

"I'm sure it is, but…what is it that you really want?"

"Well you see miss, I'm working on a dark and gritty live-action movie full of blood, violence, sex, and all that other stuff that children love! That's why I need to turn this place into a dark and edgy post-apocalyptic future setting. I think I'll also retcon Wonderland's very existence, by making it so that it was always called Underland the entire time! It'll be such a huge twist, everyone will love it!"

Sora frowned at the Trickmaster, angry at all the words he was spewing from his mouth….or mouths.

"There's no way we'll let that happen! I won't let you soil Disney's good name by turning one of their most beloved stories into something so…so…wrong!"

"Well what are you gonna do about it huh?" said the Trickmaster confidently. "You may have a fancy toy but I have munny! Lots and lots of it! And there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"Well at least I have proper arms! You just have weird…stair things!"

"Sora, calm down, we got this," Gooby whispered into Sora's ear.

"Dolan and Gooby? But you two can't do anything!" Sora whispered back, ignoring the Trickmaster.

"Hey we can do a lot! We just choose not to," said Dolan.

"Trust me Sora, we know what to do. We've had stuff like dis happen to us before, hyuck!"

"Well…if you say so…"

"Hahahaha! You think that you four can defeat a movie director! You're all nothing but fools!"

"Maybe we can't stop you," Gooby said softly and slowly for dramatic effect. "But we know something that can, hyuck."

"Copyright laws," said Dolan.

"C-Copyright…?" the Trickmaster repeated, sounding scared for the first time. The dreaded c word…

"Dats right. Copyright. You can't make stuff based on Disney projects without going through a bunch of dat legal jargon!" said Gooby.

"Disney controls the entire legal system, pretty much. So yeah, you steal this for your edgy "live-action" movie, you suffer the consequences!" continued Dolan.

"Nooo please! Have mercy!" begged the Trickmaster.

"I'm afraid it's too late. It's already began."

"Wait what has bega-"

His question was answered once he started spontaneously combusting, screaming in an agony as he felt himself burning to ashes.

"Now you're chance to kill it Sora!" said Gooby.

Without hesitation, he rushed towards the dying creature and whacked it with his giant key, letting out an epic battle cry as he did so. Alice couldn't help but woo at the beautiful Japanese boy who entered her life.

"My beautiful, foreign hero…" Alice said to herself dreamily.

Eventually Sora had reduced its HP to 0, ending the battle and destroying the evil movie director once and for all. Never again will he make dark and edgy live action movies based on previously existing franchises.

As Alice was finally safe, she hugged Sora again which took him by surprise.

"Oh thank you! Thank you so much!"

"Y-you're welcome…" Sora replied, still feeling rather uncomfortable. "I'm afraid we can't stay though, this is only the first world! I have way more boss battles to win and villains to defeat!"

So the three immediately left, leaving Alice all alone in a room where Heartless gather, and one that was way too close to the Queen's courtyard. The fact that she was a fugitive now didn't help. Not to mention that it's scientifically proven that if females in gaming are left on their own for even a second, they have a very high chance of getting kidnapped.

Yep. Sora has definitely made her life way better.

…

As Sora, Dolan and Gooby walked towards the Gummi Ship, Dolan asked, "do you think we'll ever come back to this world?"

Sora smiled and patted Dolan on the head, which made him purr a little.

"No," was Sora's reply.