Chapter 3

"Hey Kensi- can I talk to you for a minute?"

Kensi looked up from her magazine at her desk and shrugged. "I guess."

"Come on," he said, dragging her up the staircase and into the training room.

"What? You want to spar? Nate-"

Nate stopped her train of thought by leaning down to kiss her. Quite passionately, Kensi thought. No one can say the guy isn't spontaneous. But I think random might be a better assessment.

"Um, Nate?" She asked, shaken. What just happened?

"Sorry, Kensi. I've been trying not to do that for practically four years now. And now I'm good." He started to walk away, but Kensi grabbed his arm and pulled him back, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him again.

"Kensi?"

"You stupid, stupid psychologist. Why the hell haven't you done that before now?"

"Um…."

"I'll see you later," she said, and walked out of the training room. There was a fire in the pit of her stomach, and for some reason, she couldn't stop smiling. Maybe it had something to do with him kissing her. Or maybe it was her kissing him. She really didn't know.

Dom had been shot. He died. Her partner was killed. And she was never going to forget it.

He held her close. They just lay there for hours, lost in their thoughts after Kensi had come to his house that night in tears.

"I'm never going to let anything happen to you ever again."

Kensi sat up, shivering from the cold in Nate's apartment. "Nate, you're going to leave someday. The men in my life? They always leave. My dad left me for the next world, Dom did too. What makes you any different?"

"I'm not different. But I'm going to stay. I'm not better than Dom, or cleverer than your dad. But I am always, always going to be here."

She turned and pecked him on the lips.

"I'm going to hold you to that, you know," she whispered.

"I know."

"Come on Kensi," Nate whined. "Why are you so adamant that I don't get a gun?"

They were in Kensi's car out on assignment. An assignment that Callen had told her to take Nate on. Kensi had to feign irritation, and she thought she pulled it off well.

"Because, Nate," she said. "Because if you get a gun, then Callen will be more willing to put you in the line of fire. And if that happens, I not only have to worry about Callen and Sam and me, I also have to worry about you. I am not going to lose another guy, Nate."

"Okay. I would never push you." He leaned over and kissed her cheek lightly.

"He's gone?" Kensi was desolate.

He lied, she thought. He said he would never leave, but he did anyway.

"I'm afraid so, my dear," Hetty said, putting her small hand on Kensi's shoulder.

This feeling in my chest. The total destruction of my insides, Kensi thought. My complete inability to do anything. That is what hurts right now.

The burns I feel wherever I remember his touch. The scars I can feel on my heart. All of it. All of the pain. I am never going to forgive him for this.

Kensi woke with a start. She was curled up in the giant blanket on the blue couch in her living room. It was pitch dark, which for Los Angeles was a feat, so Kensi knew it must be at least two in the morning.

She extricated herself from the blanket and padded into their bedroom. At the closing of the door, Deeks sat up, but she grabbed her pajamas and went into the bathroom. She got ready for bed, brushing her teeth and washing her face.

When she exited the bathroom, Deeks was still sitting up, looking at her intently. He lifted the covers to help her under them, but she shook her head and returned to the couch.

She couldn't lay there next to him when she still had this problem with Nate.

Don't get me wrong, Kensi thought to herself. I love Marty Deeks with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind. But I can't just lay there and pretend like Nate didn't used to get my heart rate spiking. I've got to talk to Nate tomorrow and straighten this out. Because there is no way I can let this go on.

(A/N): So I know you all wanted Nate to not screw up the Deeks/Kensi love-fest, but honestly, if she loved Nate like I feel like she did, him reappearing would cause some serious issues in her brain. So she has some flash-back dreams and comes to realizations. Please, no hate mail.

Read & Review: It's more addictive than pistachios.