Author's Note: I am SO sorry for the huge gaps in posting chapters. I'm going to try to do better in the coming weeks & months. I'm very excited for all of you to see where this story is going & to finally, after almost two years, give you the answers to all of the mysteries that are woven into Killing Me Softly.
Corinne, Thank you SO much for always seeing the best in me & for continuing to encourage me to write stories that followers love to read. Thank you for polishing Luke and his Britishness... KMS wouldn't be the same with out him and it would be nothing without you. xx
o~O~o
Chapter 36
Frustrations and Forgiveness
o~O~o
'Shit!' I cursed inwardly as I dropped my favorite mug on the kitchen floor. I may have said that a couple of times out loud as well as I watched my just brewed beverage seep into the cracks and quickly spread all over the black and white checkered pattern tiles.
I crouched down and began to collect the broken bits of pottery that littered the floor, muttering something Britishy and unrepeatable under my breath as I reached for the dustpan and brush that I'd not bothered to put back into the cupboard a few days earlier. I'd woken in a bad mood and hadn't been able to shake it off all morning. I had hoped my usual home remedy of a refreshing brew of English Breakfast Tea and a generous handful of digestive biscuits would sort me out but after smashing my Union Flag mug, the one Beca had brought for me, my mood only darkened. I had contemplated calling in sick but I texted Flo instead to let her know that I would be working from home. I wanted to be busy but didn't want to interact with people. I smiled weakly at my own 'Beca Mitchell' moment.
As I collected the last pieces of the smashed crockery, I felt a tinge of sadness over my mug. Seeing it splintered to smithereens on the floor reminded me a little of my shattered friendship with Beca. I had had it for so long, I didn't quite know what to do without it. I could live without a mug, after all, things were replaceable but I wasn't sure I could live without my best friend. And I know that is rather unmanly to say, but she is... was my reason for enjoying life.
I wanted to try harder at work to make her jealous so she'd up her game and tease me for being second best. It made us both work that little bit harder. I learned how to cook so I could give her a welcomed night off. I know my food was horrid but I liked trying to better myself for her. I thought of cool, fun projects that we could do together; visiting a fancy art project or water skiing but somehow her ideas were always more fun.
I couldn't decide if I was mad at her over losing almost twenty years of friendship, or furious at him for making her choose between our amazing friendship or their sex life. The only thing that had raised my mood a little since then had been when Amy had blurted out that the only thing he had going for him was a large penis. I, of course, did not question how she knew this information, deciding instead to keep my stiff upper lip and just smirked.
Was I jealous of Jesse? If I'm being honest… yes and no. As I tossed what was left of my mug into the garbage bin in the kitchen, I tried to question that in my own mind. I wasn't envious of him; he'd had a hard life but I felt he'd thrown a fantastic opportunity away at the same time. He got to spend time with Beca where I couldn't but she still came to me when she had a dilemma, or she used to. I couldn't be sure that she approached me first, but I often felt as if she gauged my opinion before his.
Dropping a couple of tea towels onto the floor, I swirled them over the liquid in an attempt to half heartedly clear up but with my current disposition, I couldn't be bothered to care. I had developed quite the headache so I decided to forget the tea and I pulled on my stupidly large fridge handle to open the door so I could grab a beer. It was just after noon, but this was my bad mood and I'd nurse it how I liked.
Slamming the door, I cursed the fridge for being too big for the kitchen but in that precise moment, I was just mad at Beca because she was the one who had chosen it for me when I first moved into my condo. I had wanted to get a sensible under the counter refrigerator but she had insisted on coming appliance shopping with me and talked me into the double fronted hulk of a stainless steel fridge freezer which overtook the kitchen. I wasn't sure if I was mad at the appliance or at Beca because it was her idea. It hadn't bothered me three months before hand so I took the chance that it was her that I was mad at.
Taking my frosty bottle and my collection of English biscuits, I headed into my living room and caught my foot on the curled up corner of the rug that Beca had bought for me as a housewarming gift, dropping two precious biscuits in the process. Cursing something that would make my mother blush, I took my place back on my sofa and set down my bottle of beer, deciding it was just safer to stay put and not interact with anything other than my remote controls. Pulling my laptop into my lap, I surveyed a few emails that I still had yet to answer and made a couple of mental notes to ask Flo, my slightly eccentric assistant, to deal with some minor details of a forthcoming trip I was due to take in a few weeks.
I was used to going on business trips, I actually quite liked them, but this one just saddened me. I was heading back to my homeland for a few days and had already called my grandparents to arrange a visit with them while I'm there. I was very much looking forward to seeing them but a dark cloud covered the experience for me. I had always promised Beca that I would take her to London the next time I went and she'd made me promise that I wouldn't take anybody there until she'd been.
Did that pledge even matter anymore?
I halfheartedly clicked through a few more emails but realized I wasn't getting on with clearing my work. I couldn't seem to concentrate on much these days and I tried so hard to ignore the real reason why.
I collected my phone from the gap in between my sofa cushions and swiped the screen, wishing for the hundredth time that I had changed the picture on my lock screen. It was one of Beca and I from my birthday a couple of years ago. Taken in a time when we had no worries. Taken in a time when we had each other's backs. Taken in a time when either of us would be free if the other one called. Taken in a time before Jesse arrived and ruined it all.
I wanted to hate him.
But there was always this very annoying little voice in my head reminding me that he wasn't all bad, he'd had a rough start in life and seemingly loved Beca, in a weird, twisted kind of way. I'm sure he did but I felt he had a funny way of showing it. She deserved the world and, to me, she wasn't being given it.
Urgh, I hated the way my mind always came back them both. But as my thumb continued running over the screen, I looked down to see that I was stroking the face of my best friend and that raised a question in my own head. Was she still any sort of friend to me? Had her decision to choose Jesse over her family, friend's and dammit, me as well, mean that that was it?
I decided that too many questions was making my headache worse and took a healthy slug of my beer. I sat stock still for a good hour as I mentally tried to brace myself for the fact that I'd lost a part of me that could never be replaced. I leaned back into the sofa and thought back to a time when Beca and I were seventeen and planning what to do with the rest of our lives.
o~O~o
Flashback
o~O~o
"So, it's definitely college then?" Beca had said, leaning back against my bed as we sat on the floor of my bedroom.
"Definitely college." I had repeated. "Gran wants me to study English but I'm never going to get far doing that. I don't want to teach or become a writer so it's not worth four years of my life."
"What d'ya wanna do then dude?"
"Music. Plain and simple. After my knee injury, sports is out of the question."
"No, sports is out because you spend all your spare time playing that weird piddle pinky game."
"You mean tiddlywinks?" I had laughed at her and threw a pen in her direction. "I'm going to look into getting an internship too. Try and get ahead."
"Sounds like a good idea."
"You should do it too."
"You think the parental units would let us room together if we got into UCLA?"
"Doubtful." I had replied. "Not sure if it's co-ed."
Beca had sighed and stretched out her legs, before reaching for my bottle of Dr Pepper and finishing it off. I didn't mind, as long as she was happy, I was too. It was all I ever wanted.
"Do you think we'll still be doing this in fifty years?" Beca had asked, pulling her hair out of her pony tail and shaking it all around her shoulders.
"What?"
"This."
"What?" I had asked again.
"Sitting round in our pj's, watching crappy TV and still trying to figure out what we are doing with the future."
"I don't have any other plans, do you?"
Beca shuffled a little closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder. Instinctively, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her closer to me. She intertwined our fingers together. "You and me... we're always gonna be friends."
"I hope so. I'd be gobsmacked if we hit our thirties and weren't hanging out in a bar somewhere having a right old knees up."
"And that, right there, is why you'll never find anyone like me."
"Well yes, no one else would put up with your heathen ways."
"Oh fuck off! No one else on the planet understands the way you talk."
"That's because I'm the mutts nuts." I grinned. She could never quite fathom all of my English expressions.
"Dude, you are SO weird."
"Yep. And that is what is going to keep us going. That and the fact that you can cook. You are welcome to come over and cook for me every day by the way. And in return, I'll reach for all of the items that are on the top shelves. Or perhaps help you build a hobbit house."
That remark earned a playful, but painful, slap on the leg.
"Jerk!" She said through gritted teeth.
"Twit."
"Asshat."
"Plonker."
"Cocksucker."
"Wanker." I replied, knowing that always made her giggle.
"Nah, I can't imagine anything coming in between us." Beca smirked. "After all, you are the ultimate... wait for it... knob jockey!"
I laughed. Loudly. "Where on earth did you hear that?!"
"I overheard Jake a few weeks ago."
"Don't let my Mum hear you say that."
"I won't! Hey, you think we need to get back to these forms?"
"Yes. I think I should include a summary sheet on mine, asking that in no circumstances should I get placed in any classes with you. I should write a full disposition about you and send it in anonymously."
"Oh, right, like that would work!" Beca giggled. "No one knows me as well as you do. They'd know it was you."
"Do you mean that?"
"What?"
"About me knowing you."
That last comment had Beca sit up and turn to look at me in surprise. "Dude, you're being weird again. You're my best friend. Completely. There's a piece of my heart that is just for you."
"Then make a promise to me right now and-"
"-You and your promises!"
"I know! But this one is the biggest I've asked you to make."
"Ok, shoot."
"We never ever let anyone or anything come between us… ever. No job becomes bigger than our friendship. No future relationship stops us from hanging out. Any literal distance between us doesn't keep us from talking."
"I promise you Luke. We'll always be friends."
"Pinky promise?" I said, holding out my little finger to her. There was nothing more I wanted than to have this girl in my life forever.
"Yeah, pinky shit to you." She replied, taking my finger in hers. She nestled back against my shoulder but I could feel her grinning as she picked up the college forms that lay by her side.
In that moment, I truly believed her.
o~O~o
Present
o~O~o
The sound of my phone vibrating on the sofa next to me pulled me out of my reverie. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone so I didn't even look to see who it was. It stopped ringing after a minute or so and I decided to head to bed and sleep off my headache. It was the only way I could see to get me through the rest of the day and I wasn't going to get any work done in the current mood I was in. I knew I could put in some extra hours over the weekend. It wasn't as though I had anything else to do.
Leaving everything but my phone strewn around my living room, I headed to my bedroom and some kind of way, I managed to catch my sleeve on the door handle. Cursing loudly, and trying to understand why things like that happened, I slammed the door behind me.
"Yes, that showed you!" I yelled. Turning sharply, I then walked into the side of my bed, stubbing my little toe in the process. "Oh, for fucks sake!"
I was really having a bad day so instead of kicking my bedpost and hurting myself even more, I pulled back the covers and ignored the throbbing in my foot. Usually, I'd have messaged Beca or even sent her a picture of any injury that I had. She would reply quickly, usually mocking me for my stupidity. Somehow, that always made me feel better. I wondered if a trip to see my folks would help but I didn't think I could handle the interrogation over what was going on with Beca.
As I pulled the duvet over my head, I recalled the last conversation I had with Will and Anne. I had done a sneaky drive by Beca's house. It was easy to get past the security at the gated entrance as they all knew me by sight. I'd driven up to the house, parked a couple of hundred yards away, and walked back past her home. The lights had been on in the kitchen and I could easily see her moving around in there, making dinner. She looked happy and that was all I could report back to her family.
I was debating whether to take a sleeping pill to help take the edge off when my phone began to ring again. It wasn't really my nature to ignore people so I reached out a hand to collect my mobile from my bedside table. I was genuinely surprised to see whom the caller was and I sat up sharply in bed, panic flooding my system.
It was Jesse.
o~O~o
Three Days Later
o~O~o
"So, um, how's work?" Beca asked, pushing some weird purple salad garnish around on her plate. I was quietly enjoying the fact that she felt as uncomfortable as me. That feeling quickly passed to allow a tinge of sadness to filter over me. We'd always promised to be friends, no matter what and even when we weren't agreeing on everything, we always managed to find something to talk about. We hadn't spoken in over three months and this awkwardness was killing me.
"It's ok." I replied, wondering why I'd ordered the soup to start with. I should have taken Beca's lead on what to have, as her salad looked so much better than my soup. She always chose wisely and I always ended up with food envy. She'd ordered a salad and even though she wasn't tucking in with gusto like she usually did, it looks nice. Plus, I was less likely to drop that down my shirt.
"Just ok?" Beca pressed.
"Yeah, you know."
"No, I don't. Kinda need you to open up a little bit."
"Lost a couple, gained a couple. You know how it is." I hated the way I sounded and I couldn't even look her in the eye. I was desperate to tell her about the biggest signing of my career to date but at the same time, I didn't want Jesse to know.
"Yeah, I guess I do." Beca replied, forking a mouthful of shrimp salad. A slightly uncomfortable silence fell over the table as we all looked down to our plates to eat. I sighed hard, knowing they were both waiting for me to make the first move. Was I prepared to swallow down my English Pride and be the bigger person?
I was still running Jesse's phone call over in my mind as I finished up my broth, inwardly congratulating the chef on making the tomato basil soup taste pretty good. I resisted the urge to run my leftover bread around the bottom of the bowl and realized that twelve weeks ago, Beca would have been sticking her fingers in my food, tasting and enjoying it with me as she pushed something off of her plate into my mouth, whether I wanted it or not.
That thought actually caused a hard lump to form in my throat.
It was the same one I felt when I got Jesse's phone call a few days ago. The trepidation I felt when I saw it was him calling had me scrambling to answer the phone as quickly as I could. There could only be one reason why Jesse was calling me and that was because something was wrong with Beca. I had taken three hard, long breaths before speaking.
o~O~o
Flashback
o~O~o
"This is Luke."
"Um, hi, um, Luke, this is um, Jesse."
I resisted the urge to mention Caller ID. "Hello." I said bluntly.
"Look, um, I know I'm the last, um, person you um, want to speak to, um, right now but-"
"-What do you want Jesse?" I was slightly calmer now he hadn't started with telling me that Beca was in hospital as his opening line.
"I fucked up Luke."
"Tell me something I don't know.' I thought. Instead, I said, "What have you done now?"
"I've hurt Beca."
"You've done what?" I yelled, imaging him striking her with his fists or something equally appalling.
"I've hurt Beca. I made her choose between um, well, um, me and her family."
"Is she ok?" I asked, a little calmer.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you say the word 'hurt' and I hear-"
"-Oh! No! Luke, I wouldn't touch Beca like that."
"You'd better not have."
"You think she'd let me anyway." Jesse said and I could almost hear the sonofabitch smiling as he said it. "She's tiny but she can handle herself."
That I could agree on.
"Carry on with what you were saying." I said. Jesse cleared his throat before continuing.
"Well, I've made a mistake. I fucked up and I admit that now. I've watched my wife transform from a happy, healthy, beautiful woman to someone who's withdrawn and lonely. And that's, um, that's because of me. I thought if we hid against the world and just be the two of us, it would make things better."
"And it's not working too well for you, is it?"
"No."
"Beca's like a flower." I said, resisting the urge to call him a wanker. "She's no good being cooped up or not looked after. She needs sunlight and water and she gets that from friend's and family." I wanted to add, 'especially me', after that but I bit my tongue.
"I was messed up. I completely lost my way and I know that now."
"So, why are you calling me?"
"I had to start somewhere. I knew you wouldn't hang up on me."
"Don't be so sure." I growled.
"Yeah, ok. Um, look, I've got some making up to do. I've done a lot to forgive and I know it's going to take time."
"I won't disagree there."
"She misses you Luke."
I closed my eyes as he said those words. I missed her too. I could feel my anger begin to subside as the resentment against her began to lessen.
"Why Jesse?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you ask her to choose?"
"It's no secret that we don't see eye to eye." Jesse explained. "I've always been compared to you. She doesn't make a big deal out of it but I know, whenever I fuck up, she gets a look in her eye that tells me she's thinking to herself that you wouldn't do the same thing. It's a little bit like disappointment."
"Go on." I said, quietly enjoying this.
"It's hard being compared to you."
"And?"
Jesse sighed. "I'm jealous of what you have with Beca."
"Ever thought about not ballsing your life up? Not trying too hard? Don't you see what life has given you? Beca chose you. Out of everyone in her life and the people that have crossed her path, she picked you as her companion."
"I know."
"But do you Jesse? Time after time, you've let her down. She's offered you everything that she's got, welcomed you into her home, supported you through your many addictions, helped you with employment, got your band out into the mainstream and I can tell you from experience that that is not easy for an unknown. You have the potential to go far and that's all down to her calling in every single favor she's ever been owed."
"I know."
"So..." I waited for him to embellish a bit more.
"I'm not just jealous of your friendship. I'm jealous of you."
"Why jealous of me?"
"You have her history."
"And you have her future." I said simply. 'You don't deserve it but you've got it.' I thought. "History can be shared and added to but you've created life with Beca. I've not done that, have I? So that's a point in your favor, isn't it?"
"Yes, I guess so."
"Let me ask you this Jesse. Would you be jealous and insecure of what Beca and I have if her best friend was a female?"
"I've thought about that and I'm not sure. Although I will say one thing... if it was a choice between you and Amy, I'd rather it be you each time. At least she's safe around you."
I chuckled. "That's the first thing you've said that we've agreed on."
Jesse also laughed and I could almost hear him relax down the phone. He sighed a couple of times. "I'm trying to make amends Luke. I've got a long way to go but I can only do so much at once. Would you be free for a lunch with us both on the 14th?"
"Valentine's Day?"
"Yes. I can't think of a better gift than to give her back her friend's and family."
I was still annoyed at Beca for agreeing to Jesse's insane demands but a thought flashed through my mind that she was carrying his baby and was probably doing all she could to keep this little one safe. Even if it meant cocooning herself away from the world.
"Luke?"
"Yes, sorry. I'll be available. Where are you thinking?"
"Angelini Osteria on Beverly Boulevard."
"Pricey." I said and a mean thought flooded my brain. "Is she expected to pay-"
"-No, this is on me. Shall we say 1:30pm?"
"That's fine."
"I'd like it be a surprise, if that's ok?"
I was surprised at his request but agreed nonetheless. "Yes, that's fine."
"Thanks Luke."
"Anything else?" I asked.
"No, I've got to go. I've um, got a few, um, phone calls to make so I'd better go."
"Amy and Aubrey will be easy. Start with Will and Anne first."
"I was hoping to leave them until last."
"Trust me... once Amy knows, she'll be straight on the blower to her parents. If you want to stand any sort of chance of reconciling a relationship with them, make sure you call Anne before anyone else."
"Thanks for the heads up."
"Oh, and Jesse?"
"Good luck." I said and hung up the phone. I didn't want to exchange pleasantries with him before hanging up. I didn't care if that upset him.
o~O~o
Present
o~O~o
I sighed heartily.
I pulled the napkin from my lap and dabbed at the corners of my mouth, aware that the action made me look like a pompous twat. I knew it was down to me to make the move here. Jesse had been good enough to make the arrangements at Angelini Osteria and Beca was trying to make small talk to break up the, frankly, bloody uncomfortable long silences.
I waited for Beca to place her cutlery on her plate and wipe her fingers on the tablecloths rather than her linen napkin; one of those quirky habits of hers that I never quite fathomed out. She shot a nervous glance at Jesse and reached for her glass of water. None of us had ordered anything alcoholic; Beca couldn't and even I wouldn't do that to Jesse.
As she and her husband exchanged glances, I looked at Beca properly and noticed just how beautiful she looked in that moment. Pregnancy really seemed to agree with her. She seemed tired but knowing her, she was working long hours and probably doing too much at home. I wanted to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear for her. I wanted to giver her a friendly punch her on the arm, anything to break the awkwardness. I sighed again.
"So..." I began and they both snapped their heads around to look at me. "... you want to know who I signed from XL Records last month?"
Watching Beca's shoulders relax made me feel better.
"Of course." She said, turning her full attention to me. I ignored Jesse and spoke just to her.
"Remember when we were finishing up college and in our final year interning and we took that trip to San Francisco and happened upon that benefit concert." I paused and Beca nodded, squinting as she remembered the time I was talking about. "And we got chatting to that slightly odd woman who you couldn't decide if it was a man or a woman?"
"Yeah?" Beca's interest was piqued. "Wait, wasn't that... I thought Universal signed her ages ago." She cast her eyes towards Jesse whose face remained impassive. "Luke's talking about Lady Gaga."
"Oh. Nice." Jesse said. "She's-"
"-Not her Becs! But do you remember who was in the audience and quite the fan?"
Beca thought for a moment and as it dawned on her who I was talking about, her eyes widened and she sat up in her chair. "No! You didn't?"
"I did!"
"How did you?"
"I worked the charm of course!" I laughed, nodding to the server as he came to collect our empty entree plates.
"Dude, if you worked the charm, you might just have been lucky to sign Juan Gabriel at best."
"Oh, he signed three months ago so..."
"I can't believe you got her."
"Believe it!" I said, smiling.
"What did you have to offer to get her to leave XL?"
"I had to promise to be her boy slave for a year?"
"Jeez, she got the raw end of that deal, didn't she?" Beca said, mocking me as she gently winked at the same time.
"I think the English accent helped."
"Oh, you mean, the both of you understood each other with your weird words."
"Absolutely."
"She's like gold. I didn't know she was looking to leave."
"She wasn't. She was just stuck at XL and didn't realize. I told her to get a new manager and get another couple of albums out before she hit twenty five."
"And she listened to you? Wow, that is some Donovan charm you turned on."
"Maybe the sixty million dollars she was offered helped?"
"Fuck! Cynthia Rose must have been weeping in her sleep over that."
"She told me to go to seventy five."
"I need to talk to Sawyer about our budget!" Beca laughed and it was like music to my ears.
"And, I got Coldplay a spot singing with Beyonce and Bruno Mars at the Superbowl next year."
"Luke! You've certainly been busy!"
"Yeah, well, I had a lot of time on my hands lately." I muttered, instantly regretting what I said as soon as the words left my mouth.
"I guess so." Beca said, the mood broken as she looked down at her hands.
I decided to carry on. "She's coming in to do some publicity shots next week. You should stop by and meet her."
"Oh my stars. I'd love to! I have to say, she's pretty cool and so talented."
"I know!" I said. "I've been bursting to tell someone."
"You should have call..." Beca trailed off and shot a look over to Jesse who hadn't uttered a word during our exchange.
"We had to keep it quiet while contracts were sorted." I said but I knew that hadn't stopped us in the past. Despite working for rival recording companies, we still supported each other, shared our successes and offered advice when needed.
"Well, I'm still jealous. I'd have given my right arm to have signed her."
Jesse coughed politely. "Who did you sign Luke?" He asked me.
"Adele. Not your scene, I'd imagine." I replied, watching as Jesse's eyebrows shot up into his hairline.
"Wow, that's fantastic." He said. But the conversation seemed done so I just nodded politely towards him. A slightly more comfortable silence fell over us just as the server reappeared with our main courses.
"Thank you." I said as a dish of lamb chops was laid in front of me. I could see out of the corner of my eye Beca not so subtly eyeing up a large piece of lamb which I knew I would lose in under a minute. Relishing the need to get things back to normal, I turned the plate a little to the left to give her better access.
"So Jesse's band, The Riff, is doing well on the charts." Beca said, collecting her fork and swapping it over in her hands to get nearer to my dish.
"Cool." I said and forked a piece of broccoli.
"We're hoping to get back into the studio and get another album completed before this little one arrives." Jesse said, laying a hand on Beca's belly. Someone else might not have noticed that she stiffened when he touched her but I did.
"Nice." I said and made a mental note to ask about the baby later on.
"He's been working really hard." Beca said but I knew she was lying.
"I'm sure." Internally I was telling myself to stop it but I couldn't help myself.
"How's your meal Jess?" Beca asked Jesse, trying to bring him into the conversation.
"It's nice, full of flavor. How's yours?"
"It's good."
"It's good, but you're still eyeing up my food, aren't you?" I smirked.
"Dude, you know I'm going to be stealing some of it."
"That's why I went for a large portion." I said, smiling at her. "I know you too well." I watched as Jesse squirmed in his seat a bit but I didn't really care about his feelings. Beca grinned back at me as she stealthily prodded her fork in my dinner. I'd never been so happy to share my food before.
"What?" She said as she saw me grinning at her. "I'm allowed. I'm eating for two now!"
"How is everything?" I asked carefully.
"Everything is ok. My back aches a lot, my ankles look like bowling balls and my face looks like a water balloon but aside from that, it's good." I raised an eyebrow in her direction as I looked up from my food. She caught the look and nodded slowly. "Dr. Kaiser is monitoring me more regularly than last time. She said that I'm textbook and there's nothing to indicate the same thing happening again."
"I'm really, really glad to hear that." I said sincerely.
"Our little girl is a tough cookie."
"A girl?" I asked. I felt color flood onto my cheeks as I heard the news.
"Yes." Beca said, tilting her head as she looked at me.
"Lord, help us all." I said. Jesse opened his mouth to say something but I didn't let him get a word in edgeways. "You'll have your work cut out Jesse. A Beca and a Mini Beca."
"Screw you!" Beca said, balling up her napkin and throwing it at me. I caught it easily and placed it on the table next to me, just as Jesse's phone rang in his pocket.
"Sorry." He said apologetically as he struggled to get his phone out of his pocket. He looked at the screen for a second before clearing the call. "Wrong number I think."
I decided not to ask how he knew it was a wrong number if he didn't take the call but decided just to keep eating. I knew he had some sort of plan for later so didn't want to give the game away if he had another secret surprise. The food was good and the restaurant was busy, which was understandable but I guessed they didn't really want us sitting there all afternoon. Jesse's phone rang again a few minutes later and he huffed when he looked at the screen.
"Take the call pal." I said as I finished up my lunch.
"Do you mind?" He asked me.
"I'm not your wife... ask Beca."
"Becs?"
"Go on, it's ok." She said.
Jesse answered the phone and put it to his ear. "Hello, this is Jesse, can you hold on a moment please?" He excused himself from the table and headed outside.
"How are you really?" I asked after Jesse had left. I went back to my plate as I could feel a pair of steely blue eyes eyeing up a chunk of my lamb.
"Exhausted. Lonely. Feeling like I was going crazy."
"Well, it's your own fault." I said kindly, ignoring the not-so-stealthy fork coming my way.
"I didn't know what else to do Luke. He was on the edge and I didn't want my marriage to end or worse for him to do something reckless because... oh, I don't know anymore."
"You shut the door in my face."
"Yes, yes I did. And I am sorry about that. I made a mistake."
"A lot of people have been worried sick about you."
"Are my parents ok?"
"Will is faring better than Anne but yes, they are fine. I've been to see them a few times with reports on how you are doing."
"How did you know how... huh?"
"Oh, I stalked you."
"I didn't know that."
"Hence the term 'stalk'." I mused. "I drove past the house a few times and had Amy keep an eye on you at work. She'd speak with Sawyer and then let me know."
"Wow."
"You don't have the right to get shirty about it."
"I'm not. I'm... well, think about it. I'm shocked Amy managed to keep a secret."
"That's true!"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." I said honestly. "It wasn't that hard. The security at the gate never stopped me. I half expected you to ban me from the neighborhood."
"I think I knew you'd do that so I never took your name off of the list."
"You knew, huh?"
"Yeah. It's what I would have done for you."
"Bitch, please." I said, wagging my finger at her. "There's no way you could have done that without me knowing."
"Is that a challenge Donovan?"
I just laughed. Loudly. And that felt really good.
Jesse joined us a few minutes later, full of apologies for taking so long. He seemed distracted and was quite red in the face but when Beca checked with him that he was all right, he brushed it off and said it was just a call from his credit card company. He checked his watch a couple of times within a short space of time but tried to engage into the conversation which was certainly being dominated by Beca and I.
Just before the server arrived to take our dessert order, I excused myself to use the facilities and wasn't completely surprised when I got back to the table to see that Jesse wasn't there.
"Bored him to death, did I?" I said, as I sat down. I straightened the spoon in front of me.
"Something came up." Beca said quietly.
"Problem?" I asked carefully.
"No, nothing like that." She replied and I raised an eyebrow at her. She smiled. "I think he knows we need some time together. He said he'd meet us back at home later on."
"Fair enough."
"Are you ok to drop me back at home?"
"No. You can walk. I don't believe there's a baby in that belly of yours. I think you're pretending so you can eat a ton of puddings and get away with it. Walk it off, fat arse!"
"Dammit! My cover is blown." Beca said, grinning at me. She slowly reached her hand over the starched tablecloth. "I've missed you Luke."
"Not as much as I've missed you."
"How have you been?" She asked.
"Same as you really. Bored. Lonely. I got so desperate a few weeks ago that I called up Amy and we went out for a few drinks."
"Oh nice."
"Yeah, we ended up naked back at my place."
"Um... Luke?"
"She lost our clothes playing Poker. Go figure. Despite claiming that she was the best Poker player from Tasmania... turns out, not so much."
"Ha! You fell for it!"
"I lost my favorite Van Halen shirt that night."
"The one I got you?" Beca asked.
"Yeah."
"That'll teach you for going out with Amy."
"Damn straight. She ended up staying at my apartment for three days."
"Why?"
"I don't bloody know. She wouldn't go home."
"Please tell me she was clothed at some point?"
"She made a toga dress thingy out of my bedsheet, wore a tea towel on her head so she didn't have to wash her hair and stole some of my old sneakers."
"There you go with that tea towel shit again. It's just towel."
"Whatever." I laughed.
"Why didn't you kick her out?"
"Dunno. I was lonely I guess."
"Yeah. I know." Beca sighed as she ran her finger around the rim of her water glass. "I'm sorry Luke."
"You promised me you'd never let anyone come between us Beca."
"I know. I remember."
"We even pinkied it."
"I know."
"You've never gone back on a promise before."
"I know that too. I'm guessing that I ruined what we had."
"Nope."
"No?" Beca looked over hopefully at me.
"No, that was your one chance at a fuck up." I said, picking up the spoon from the table with my spare hand. I tried to look interested in the handle for a moment. "Everyone has a second chance."
"Thank you Luke."
"Do it again, and-"
"-I hear ya." She said, squeezing my hand. I looked up and was surprised to see tears in her eyes.
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Cry."
"Why?"
"Because you'll set me off."
"I love you Luke."
"I love you too. But only if you let me have my hand back. I'm losing feeling in my fingers!" I laughed.
"Can I show you a picture?" She asked as she folded her hands in her lap for a moment.
"If there's any naked flesh on it, then no. I like the tiramisu here and I don't want any reference to the kama sutra clouding the sugary goodness."
Beca laughed as she reached down for her purse. She rummaged around for a moment or two before pulling out an envelope. She pushed it towards me. "Thought you might like to see a picture of your Goddaughter."
I opened the folder as she placed her bag back on the floor. I looked at the grainy picture for a few moments, taking it all in. This one had been taken at her 26 week appointment and even I could make out limbs and the way she was lying. My memory was flooded with images of Bodhi.
"Everything is really ok?" I asked again, not taking my eyes off of the ultrasound picture.
"Yes, she really is perfect."
"Your daughter is a thief."
"Huh?"
"She's just stolen my heart." I said honestly. How could I love someone I'd never met?
"Thank you. I know you'll be the best Uncle ever."
"And you are all right? No bullshit."
"No, not really. I'm scared shitless that I'm going to lose her the same way I lost Bodhi but everyone keeps telling me that it's not going to happen. I probably won't relax until I've given birth."
"Whatever you need, I'm still here."
"Today has really helped."
"I was particularly surprised by Jesse's call." I admitted.
"He's trying Luke."
"I know." I said, trying to convince myself.
The server arrived to take our dessert order which halted our conversation momentarily. We both ordered the Tiramisu, Beca asking for the non alcoholic version they usually gave to kids. Beca and I talked some more and I filled her in how everyone was doing. She in turn talked about the artists she was looking to sign but agreed my signing of one of her favorite singers was hot topic. We spent hours in Angelini Osteria catching up on what felt like a lifetime. I'd not enjoyed an afternoon like this for a very long time. It was only the server coming to ask for the seventh time if we wanted extra drinks that I realized it was quite late in the day. I looked at my watch and remembered that Beca had said Jesse was expecting us back at the house. Wondering if he needed us back at any set time, I checked my phone as soon as Beca had gone to powder her nose. There was no message but it was time to leave before the evening rush turned up.
"You ready?" Beca asked as she returned to the table.
"Yes, we need to get the bill."
"I've already taken care of the check dude."
"You shouldn't have had to-"
"-I didn't. Jess left me his credit card."
"Oh. Ok then. Let's get you back home."
"You'll come in for a bit?"
"Of course. I've missed Jagger and Roxie."
"They've missed you too."
"Well, of course they have." I said, picking Beca's coat up of the back of her chair. I held it open so she could thread her arms through the holes.
"Thanks."
"I know what you are going to say."
"When?"
"Just now."
"You want me to thank Jesse for lunch." I mirthed. "So, yes Mom, I'll play nice!"
"I hate you sometimes."
"I hate you more!"
We walked to the door, thanking our server on the way out. I pulled on the handle to let Beca leave first.
"Why do men do that? Is it really politeness?"
"Nah. Not at all. We push the women out first to test to see how cold it is so we can be prepared when we step outside." I laughed and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. She leaned into me as we walked the short distance to my car. "Good job I didn't bring the bike today. A pregnant pillion passenger isn't one of the best ideas in the world."
"It's a nice afternoon, isn't it?" Beca said, turning her face towards the sun for a moment. I got the impression that she hadn't spent much time outside recently.
"It is." I said, pulling my keys from my pocket. I unlocked my car and pulled open the passenger door for her.
"Thanks."
I nodded as she climbed into my car. I wasn't sure whether to make a joke about her needing a step ladder to get inside but figured she might set the dogs on me when we got back to her place so I kept my mouth shut. Jumping in the driver's seat, I turned the seat heaters on as I knew she felt the cold more than me.
"Need anything on the way home?" I asked as I pulled away from the curb.
"No, I'm good, thanks. A quiet evening at home will be nice though."
"I'm sure." I said, not entirely able to say if she would get that.
"Mind if I close my eyes for a moment?"
"Not at all." I said.
The drive back to Beca's would only take about twenty five minutes with traffic and I turned down the radio so she could rest easier. The roads were busy but nothing I wasn't used to and I just enjoyed my best friend being next to me as she leaned her head against the seat and closed her eyes. As I pulled up to the entrance of her neighborhood and waved to the security guard, I tapped her leg to give her a moment to wake up. "We're nearly home."
"Hmmm. I was *yawn* just dreaming about *yawn* the baby."
"Yeah? That's nice."
"I dreamed that I met you in your office and Adele was there. She ended up delivering the baby while singing Rolling In The Deep, so as a thank you, I named the baby Adele."
"I must remember to tell her that so she'll be prepared." I mused and Beca laughed.
"Maybe not, huh? Hey, thanks for bringing me home."
"You're welcome." I said, pulling up to her driveway. The house was in darkness and I couldn't see Jesse's car anywhere. Beca didn't say anything as I cut the engine and opened my door. She was already out of the car by the time I got 'round to the other side.
"I thought Jesse might have been home but there's not one light on." She said, looking towards the house. I didn't have anything to say. She fished around in her purse for her keys and found them just as we got to the door. Putting the key into the slot, she pushed the door open and stepped inside. She clicked on the light by the door and the foyer was instantly flooded with light. She took a step back, standing on my foot as I stepped into the house behind her.
"Oh my fucking God! Jesse! What have you done?!"