A/N: I'm sorry it's been so damn long since I last updated... I swear I'm trying to do better about updating. Life & time seem to be getting away from me so quickly these days. I hope it was worth the wait and that y'all enjoy it... Happy Reading and Happy Mother's Day to all you special Momma's out there.
To Waatp: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your friendship, constant love, support & most importantly, the kicks in the ass that I need to get chapters finished & posted. I appreciate you & your friendship more than you'll ever know. xx
o~O~o
Chapter 38
Replacement & Repulsion
o~O~o
"Is everything ok?" Jesse asked, as he sat on one of the kitchen stools, watching Beca as she slowly moved around the kitchen, buttering toast and scrambling some eggs.
Beca took a moment before she answered. "Yes, why?"
"I just heard you up and about a few times during the night." Jesse said in response.
Beca was slightly surprised that Jesse had noticed. He hadn't fallen back into his old ways, in fact, since her birthday, he'd at least seemed back to his normal self again. He was a lot less agitated, more attentive but there was still a hint of distraction which she understood to be the stress of everything going on with David's funeral.
"I couldn't get comfortable. Sorry that I disturbed you. I didn't-"
"-No, it's ok." Jesse said kindly, watching her tuck some loose hair behind her ear. "What was wrong?"
"I was just thinking, well, over thinking really, like I always do."
Jesse's face was suddenly full of concern. "About what?"
"I'm pretty sure Little Miss was trying out for the 2032 Olympics." Beca said quietly deciding that it was best to change the subject because she really wasn't in the mood for an argument. She continued to stir the eggs, rubbing her swelling tummy as she spoke. "Can you take care of that?" she asked, nodding toward the coffee pot.
"Sure." Jesse quickly walked over to the coffee pot, reaching up into the open cabinet above it and pulled down two small cups. Beca watched him out of the corner of her eye, impressed that he remembered she should only be drinking a limited amount of caffeine. She served the toast and eggs onto two plates and carried them to the kitchen counter as Jesse placed the coffee cups down in front of their place settings and took a seat.
"Will you home for dinner tonight?" Beca asked as she poked at the eggs with her fork after a few moments of silence.
"Huh?"
"Dinner?"
"Hmmm. Rain check?" Jesse said, swallowing hard. "I don't know what time the auditions will wrap up. It depends on how quick we find a replacement for Pep-"
"-Of course. Sorry, I forgot about that. Baby brain."
"No need to apologize." Jesse said as he took a sip of his coffee. "How about I take you out for dinner afterwards?"
"No, that's ok." Beca said as she took a bite of toast. "I'll just cook something that can be easily reheated. Maybe we can watch a movie when you get home?"
Jesse held out a napkin for Beca to wipe a drop of butter in the corner of her mouth. "Ok, that works. I'll call when I am on my way home."
"Sounds good." Beca smiled, chewing the last of her breakfast. For the briefest of moments, she found some of the tension she'd been carrying around for several months begin to leave.
In the weeks that had followed David and Pepper's death, Beca couldn't seem to get through to Jesse properly, no matter how hard she tried. He had completely withdrawn from everything the minute he received the news about David and Pepper. He seemed reluctant to talk about it and Beca knew better than to push him to open up to her. She encouraged him to call Donald if he needed someone.
While Beca's birthday had seen quite the breakthrough and Jesse had been trying to make strides to be more attentive to her needs and make up for lost time, she still found that he'd get lost in his thoughts and daydreams. He began to talk more and more about getting back into the studio and less and less about the baby but it was also in those weeks that Cynthia Rose had contacted him and the band to start working on their sophomore album. Unfortunately, the long hours in the studio started to take up a lot of Jesse's time and while Beca missed him, she understood the need to make new music.
Distraction was sometimes the best medicine.
Since then, Beca couldn't get Jesse to share her excitement about the baby. He listened to everything she had to share and faked enthusiasm but he stopped asking how 'his girls' were and he hadn't rubbed her belly in a while. She even tried to get him to talk to her about baby names. When he said that he hadn't given it much thought, she asked him to think about it and they could talk when he was ready.
One morning, Jesse walked into the kitchen and rattled off a few names under his breath. Without waiting for her reply, he grabbed a cup of coffee and went out to the morning porch to fill his lungs with another layer of nicotine and tar.
Beca was left wondering "Natalie, Lindsey and Jillian?" They weren't bad names for the right little girl but Eloise?! That name was just a little too old fashioned and as hard as Beca tried to consider his suggestions, she didn't feel that he was being serious or that any of those names were right for their daughter. She was beginning to think that they'd never come to an agreement and that the baby would leave the hospital as "Baby Girl Swanson".
Later that evening as Jesse walked into the bedroom, he mumbled again.
"What was that?" Beca said putting her copy of 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' down to give Jesse her undivided attention.
"I said Meghan and Sarah… and maybe Shelby, but I'm not sold on that one just yet."
Oh… baby names!" Beca said excitedly. She had to admit that Sarah and Meghan weren't bad and decided to put those on the short list.
Beca noticed that Jesse was going through all the right motions but when asked questions would just grunt or give very short, very blunt answers. In the weeks since he'd gotten the news about the explosion, he and the rest of the band were in meetings, auditions for a new band member and negotiations about their recording contract. One accident had caused so much change.
For Jesse, the worst part about what had happened was that Ace, his dealer, was after him again, but he couldn't tell Beca that. He had given the money he owed to Pepper and she had promised to give it to Ace. According to a neighbor, Pepper and David went to Vegas because 'they deserved a vacation before the baby was born' and because they wanted to try 'to double the money'.
They got a vacation alright… a permanent one and the baby would never see the light of day or even take a single breath. The baby, a boy, was innocent in all of this mess and drama.
David and Pepper were dead. While the news had been upsetting, Jesse was forced to see the bright side of things. Their deaths meant that he didn't have to confess his affair to Beca. He didn't have to confess that Pepper was pregnant with his baby and that it was all because David had set up the crazy scheme. Jesse had fallen head first into their trap but all the secrets died with them… as did his second son. Bodhi had a little brother, a boy whose name, according to Chloe and David, was supposed to be Maddox. Just like when Bodhi was born, Jesse didn't get a vote about his name, but it didn't matter because he was sure that Bodhi and Maddox were together and somehow, in the craziness that was his life, that small thought made him feel a little better.
Jesse didn't have the money to cover his debt. While the sales of the first album had been lucrative, the profit was split, with half going to Columbia Records and the other half split evenly between the band members. After costs and taxes, there wasn't very much left. A second album was desperately needed.
Knowing that Ace wouldn't get off of his back until the debt was settled, Jesse looked around his meagre possessions for something that he could sell to make a quick buck. Reality set in that he didn't have much left. Finding a broken chain in one of Beca's jewelry boxes, he dug around in the boxes at the back of her closet for anything else she might not notice was missing. He found an old brooch of Betty's and what looked to be an antique wedding ring that he decided Beca wouldn't look for. Shoving it in his pocket, he decided to go to the pawn shop for a quote before he lost his nerve.
He could have easily taken the cash out of their joint account but Beca monitored the account pretty regularly and would notice a large withdrawal. Every last penny was accounted for and he didn't want to explain why he was pulling out that kind of cash.
As it turned out, despite the damaged catch on the chain, what he had was worth more than what he had in his bank account.
Seeing the desperate look on his face, the shop owner offered Jesse a good deal on the expensive watch on his wrist. Jesse had stared at the watch for a while; it had been a gift from Beca on their first Christmas together but in his mind, he needed the money more. He even callously thought that Beca would probably replace it if he told her he had lost it.
Seeing the wod of cash being counted out on the counter as he handed his watch over, he quietly asked the owner for a price for his wedding ring as well. Pat, the owner, raised an eyebrow in surprise but it wasn't his business to question anything.
Jesse left the pawn shop with enough cash to pay off his dealer with a little left to spare. He didn't even feel guilty about the loss of his custom titanium wedding band or watch. As he left the pawn shop, he called Ace and arranged to meet with him that afternoon at a children's playground close to where David and Pepper had died. Jesse gave Ace five hundred dollars more than he owed and and made him promise to never contact him again. Ace was more than happy to comply with the seemingly simple request.
Jesse drove home with a sense of relief that he hadn't had for a while. He was happy that he'd never have to deal with Ace again and that he could finally put that part of his life behind him. Getting home before Beca, he cleaned the house, making sure his theft wouldn't be detected and managing to stop himself from taking any more of her things.
His new focus needed to be on who was going to replace Pepper. Her voice was unique and very easily pinpointed, so they couldn't chose just anyone. The band wasn't finished recording their second album and Cynthia Rose was insistent that it be completed by the end of summer and dedicated to Pepper's memory.
Once it was decided that the band needed to replace Pepper, Cynthia Rose bought radio spots advertising open auditions for her replacement. This proved to be effective given the turnout, however, the quality of the individuals that showed up left a lot to be desired.
"Jess?" Beca said, as she collected both of their breakfast plates to take to the dishwasher.
"Yeah?" Jesse said, a little louder than necessary. He cleared his throat and tried to figure out if he'd missed a question from Beca.
"Where'd you go?"
"Sorry, got caught up in my thoughts."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No. I'm good. Listen, I've gotta go." He said, kissing her on the head. "Thanks for breakfast. See you tonight."
o~O~o
First Auditions
o~O~o
By the time, Jesse reached the Montage Beverly Hills and parked, he had managed to get his head and his thoughts straight. He was looking forward to finding a new bandmate and deep down, he was almost glad he wasn't going to have to see Pepper every day as they looked forward to completing their second album.
Finding the Marquesa Ballroom, he shook hands with the rest of the band before taking his seat next to Cynthia Rose at the table, which was at the far end of the room. The entire scene was quite picturesque with the HOLLYWOOD sign over their shoulders.
For the auditions, Jesse, Cynthia Rose and two of the other band members sat at a table much like the one shown on American Idol. They decided it was imposing enough to weed out the nervous auditionees and professional enough that it showed they were to be taken seriously. The rest of the band spent their time "making nice with the contestants" downstairs in the Georgie Ballroom as they prepared for their auditions.
The four judges listened as contestant after contestant wailed and moaned a verse from the band's first number one single. Nails on a chalkboard would have been a more welcomed sound. Jesse rolled his eyes and held his head in his hands more than once. Cynthia Rose called a break halfway through, stating that she 'needed to give her ears a rest'.
After hours of painful auditions, it was decided that no one who had shown up that day was good enough to replace Pepper. The ones that had shown up were most likely fangirls that wanted an easy one way ticket to stardom.
As the four continued to brainstorm about what their next move should be, Jesse excused himself. They had been holed up for hours and it had been way too long since his last cigarette. As Jesse walked toward the exit, a cigarette already in his mouth, the angelic sounds of a very unique voice filled the familiar hallway and caused him to stumble over his feet. Not knowing who was singing, Jesse followed the voice to the green room where he found none other than Cynthia Rose's assistant Stacie cleaning up after all of the has beens had left.
Stacie had earbuds plugged into her ipod and was belting out the words of a classic R&B tune. As she bent over to pick up a few items left on the floor, Jesse felt that old familiar tug in his jeans as he took in her long legs and shapely ass. He and Beca hadn't been intimate in some time and since Chloe passed he wasn't getting any. Seeing Stacie bend over in front of him was the most action he'd gotten in awhile… unless you counted the cold showers and hand jobs he'd been giving himself.
After standing there for several minutes, Jesse began to feel like a Peeping Tom. He was eavesdropping but he couldn't help it, he had just stumbled on a potential gold mine. If Stacie didn't work out for the band, perhaps he could convince Cynthia Rose to sign her as a solo artist and he could demand a finders fee. She was, in his opinion, better than Pepper ever was. He liked the way she effortlessly sang the words, changing the pitch to fit the way her voice sounded.
"You can sing!"' Jesse said loudly causing Stacie to jump and drop the collection of plastic bottles she had in her hands.
"Oh shit!" Stacie said grabbing her ample chest with one hand and yanking her earbuds out of her ears with the other as the bottles settled on the floor. "You scared me half to death! I didn't know anyone was still here."
"How high does your belt go?" Jesse asked, not apologizing for startling her.
"My what?"
"You have to audition for The Riff?"
"What? You're crazy?"
"You were singing Bump and Grind by R. Kelly-"
"-Yeah… and?"
"That's my jam-"
"-Dude… what's your point?" Stacie said, bending down, much to Jesse's delight, to collect the dropped bottles.
"I want you to sign with The Riff." Jesse said proudly, nodding a couple of times as if to confirm that this was a great idea. He knew that making a unilateral decision regarding the band probably wasn't his best idea but if it worked, then they would all be singing his praises. And he liked the thought of having one up on the others.
Stacie scoffed. Picking up several discarded water bottles she said, "Like Black Beauty will ever let that happen. I was hired to make coffee, answer phones and put up with her crazy demands. No small talk with the talent, no getting waylaid on the way back from the photocopier and by the way, she still hasn't let me forget that I spent four months watering her artificial orchids. There is no way that Cynthia Rose will let me anywhere near a microphone. Even if I wanted to."
"Let me talk to her." Jesse said.
Stacie chuckled. "Let me know how that works out for you."
"What do you mean?"
"She's not happy unless everyone around her is panicked, nauseous or suicidal."
"Do you really feel that way about her? Are you really that unhappy?"
"She called and woke me up at five fifteen this morning then proceeded to bark her Starbucks order at me, then she had the nerve to get pissed at me because I was late and her order was wrong. She's like the spawn of Satan!"
"Well… that was probably my Starbucks order and for the record-"
"-well a venti iced half caff skinny hazelnut macchiato, 4 extra pumps of hazelnut, add cinnamon, add four shots dolce soy with light ice - half cubed, half shaved, no whip with caramel drizzle and chocolate shavings is not only obnoxious but its a stupid fucking teenage girl drink!"
Jesse put his hands up as if to surrender. "It's actually very good… you should try it some time... my treat."
"No thanks… I'll pass."
"Ok, have it your way but just for the record… I have a feeling that Cynthia Rose will agree with me."
"Yeah, and sometimes I have a feeling that I could do crystal meth and pass a drug test the next morning, but then I think, mmm… better not."
Jesse laughed. "You're funny-"
"-Oh lemme guess… you're gonna say that I should try stand up too?"
Jesse shrugged. "Not a bad idea."
"Not a good one either."
He held his hands up. "Ok, look… just give me a chance."
"Do what you want, but there's a good chance that I'll get fired because of you."
"That won't happen… I promise."
"Whatever… I want no part of this." Stacie said, waving her hand around as if she was batting a fly as she walked away. Turning around to face Jesse, Stacie walked backwards and said, "Just know that if I get fired… I will hunt you down and finish you like a cheesecake!"
Jesse just stood there with that stupid boyish grin he was famous for on his face. He knew damn good and well that he was right. Stacie was gold mine and he was going to prove it.
o~O~o
Jesse finished his cigarette and contemplated lighting another one. He was enjoying the sunshine after being stuck in the ballroom all morning. If truth be told, he was taking a moment to control himself. His excitement over hearing Stacie sing was overshadowed by the image of her shapely legs and butt that now seemed like a permanent screen saver in his memory.
It had been a while since he'd looked at Beca in that way. And while he knew he only had himself to blame for that, he missed the way Beca would casually walk through the house in her bath towel. She wasn't doing it to prompt anything, it was just the casual and easy way she carried her sweet sexuality.
Jesse missed looking at Stacie, imagining the fun he could have with her. Even as he changed his mind about a second cigarette, he had to admit that Stacie's legs were far better than Beca's and began to imagine them flung over his shoulder as he-
'Stop it!' He scolded himself and drummed his fingers on his leg to bring himself back under control. He contemplated calling Beca to get her voice inside his head and remind himself that even thinking about someone other than her and the baby was beyond stupid.
He decided that would make him feel worse. He leaned against the brickwall where he'd stubbed his cigarette out and ran through a conversation with Cynthia Rose. While he might have sounded cocky to Stacie, inside his own head, he was beginning to worry about how Cynthia Rose would react.
After finally drumming up the courage to speak to Cynthia Rose and the band about Stacie, Jesse went back inside. He hadn't ever really seen Cynthia Rose's bad side and surely had never witnessed anything like Stacie described. While he was confident that he could sway her, part of him wondered why he opened his mouth at all to Stacie. He couldn't help it though. The words fell out of his mouth like vomit. The cat was out of the bag and he couldn't rescind his offer, somehow, someway he had to convince Cynthia Rose that Stacie was, in fact, Pepper's replacement.
"Where the hell have you been?!" Cynthia Rose asked bluntly as he walked back in the room.
Jesse's eyes got big. Maybe Stacie was right. Maybe Cynthia Rose was the spawn of Satan. "I went out back for a smoke and I called to check on Beca. She had a doctor's appointment today." Jesse noticed that with the mention of Beca's name that Cynthia Rose immediately backed off.
"Oh..." Cynthia Rose said. "Everything ok?"
Jesse smiled. "Yes, thank you. Mommy and baby are doing great." Jesse told himself that Cynthia Rose didn't have to know that Beca hadn't actually had an appointment that day. And it wasn't exactly a lie, Beca and the baby were both healthy and growing like weeds.
"Awesome, glad to hear it. Well guys, where were we?" Cynthia Rose asked no one in particular as she glanced at her clipboard. "Oh yes… so our next open audition will be Saturday after next. Same time, same place. In the meantime, I'll buy more radio spots and arrange to get some air time on Good Day L.A., The Early Show, Ellen DeGeneres and The Late, Late Show with James Corden. Guys, be ready for some camera time… early mornings, late nights. We need to do what it takes to find a replacement that would make Pepper proud and sell some fucking records!"
Jesse took a deep breath. "About that… I had an idea. It's kinda out there, but hear me out."
Cynthia Rose placed her clipboard down on the table, leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "This should be good."
"It is… I promise." That was the second time that he had made a promise and he hoped that he could make good on both.
"Well then, I'm all ears." Cynthia Rose said motioning that he had the floor.
"So, as I was walking out to call Beca, I overheard someone singing, so I followed the voice-" Jesse told them.
"-Does this little story have a point?"
"Yes! Did you know that Stacie can sing?"
"MY Stacie?"
"Yes… your Stacie. Who else would I be talking about."
"How the hell am I supposed to know?"
"Anyway… she can really sing! Have you ever heard her?"
"No, I don't think I-"
"-Well… you're missing out! She's amazing and-"
"-And… is there a point to your fangirling over my assistant?" Cynthia Rose asked with an attitude.
"Yes… there is! I offered her Pepper's spot." Jesse said, clearly very proud of himself.
Cynthia Rose stood up and sent the chair she had been sitting in screeching across the floor. "You did what?"
And just like that... There it was. The attitude Stacie had told him about just a few minutes earlier.
"I offered Stacie the spot. She's the one… the one this group needs to soar back to the top of the charts!"
Turning toward the other members of the band Cynthia Rose took a deep breath and calmly said, "Will you guys excuse us? Jesse and I need to have a little come to Jesus meeting."
The guys immediately started to grab their belongings and head straight for the door. "Good luck dude and protect the family jewels!" They said in unison as they stumbled out the door, thanking God that it was Jesse in the hot seat and not them.
Cynthia Rose quickly rounded on Jesse. As she started to walk toward him, he started taking steps backwards. "What in God's name were you thinking?"
"I… I… I… uh… I... Stacie is amazing."
"You're right she is amazing… an amazing assistant. MY amazing assistant. I can't get through a single damn day without her."
"But she was belting out R. Kelly."
"Your point?"
"Well… you have to admit… not many white girls can do that."
"Ok... I'll give you that one but just because she can belt out your wank tune doesn't mean that she's right for this group." She explained as she started to pace. "Do you know why I signed you?"
Jesse shrugged his shoulders. "As a favor to Beca?"
Cynthia Rose shook her head at Jesse's response. Taking yet another deep breath she said, "I always sign the same ol' group. The ones that I'm guaranteed will make money. The ones that have the fangirls going crazy and worshiping the blessed ground the band walks on. But so often, those groups turn out to be- I don't know- disappointing and, well... stupid. So you, with your good looks, impressive sound, a smile makes women for miles cream their panties and the wife that called in all her favors… Ugh! Do you know that she gave me this big speech about your so-called work ethic? She stuck her neck, her name and her reputation out there for you. She put it all out on the line. She risked everything for YOU! So I, um- I thought you would be different. I said to myself, go ahead. Take a chance. Sign the nobody based on his goo goo eyed wife's words. I had hope. My God... I thrive on it. I have put up with a lot from you. Your drug and alcohol addictions, your stents in rehab, your inability to record a single damn song without hacking up your fucking nicotine coated lungs. And then, today, you end up pulling this shit like you're the next Quincy Jones! What the fuck dude? You're a musician, not a record producer. That's MY job… sooo… What. The. Actual. Fuck.?"
Jesse took in every word Cynthia Rose said. She was right. Beca had done everything she could to get him a record deal. She had called in every last favor she had because she believed in him… just like he believed in Stacie.
"Ok… look, I get it. I did something stupid. I made a decision without consulting anyone else. If it makes you feel any better, Stacie didn't accept my offer. She thinks I'm just as crazy as you do."
Cynthia Rose laughed. "Sounds 'bout right."
"So you do think I'm crazy?"
"I don't think it… I know it." Cynthia Rose told him very matter of factly. "Swanson, this little stunt of yours better not have anything to do with the fact that your dick is feeling neglected lately or because Stacie is extremely attractive and that she has a rack that every red blooded male West of the fucking Mississippi is drooling over."
Jesse blushed. "It doesn't… I swear."
"So… what song did you say was she singing?"
"Bump and Grind by R. Kelly." Jesse said smirking.
"HA! So she was singing your wank jam! I love it." She said doubled over laughing. "This is blackmail material."
"I didn't confirm or deny your guess about my 'wank jam'."
"Oh… you didn't have to. The truth was written all over your face!"
"It was not!"
"Seriously dude… you're gonna try to deny it?" Cynthia Rose said point to the very obvious tent in Jesse's pants.
Jesse danced around trying to adjust. "Whatever… look, if you would just give her a chance you'd see and hear that I'm right about this one. She's the one. She's the entire package. She's got it all."
"I'll tell you what… you convince Stacie to audition just like everyone else and I'll promise to listen and give her a fair shot. But I have to tell you something Swanson… if you're right and I have to search for a new assistant, you're gonna convince Stacie to pull double duty until her office position is filled. And… you're going to help me find her replacement, no matter how long it takes. Someone is going to have some mighty large shoes to fill."
"Deal!"
o~O~o
Several days later, over lunch, Jesse finally managed to get Stacie to agree to audition. He explained to her that Cynthia Rose was not willing to just give her the spot because she worked for Columbia Records and that if she really wanted it, she was going to have to work for it just like everyone else. Stacie wasn't quite convinced and argued the point that Cynthia Rose would probably be even more critical but agreed, rather reluctantly, to audition.
Stacie explained to Jesse that she was extremely nervous about the audition. When Jesse asked her why, she took the time to explain that while she was a stripper four nights a week, taking her clothes off for strangers didn't compare to auditioning for a coveted spot in an up and coming band. Stacie cited that her stripper name Skye gave her a persona or alter ego, and that it was like acting a part. Jesse had laughed and said that she could give herself a stage name if it helped. Stacie saw his point but her desk job hadn't prepared her for what she considered could be a fate worse than death.
Jesse told Stacie that he would help her with the audition song, which gave her an unfair advantage but his balls were on the line with Cynthia Rose. He took Stacie in the studio, after hours, and helped to prepare her as much as he possibly could. He was committed to making sure that her audition stood above all the rest. As far as he was concerned, no one else needed to audition. She was the one he wanted.
In the days leading up to audition day, Stacie found herself daydreaming about no longer working the daily nine to five grind behind a desk. Early mornings weren't really her thing, especially since she had been stripping several nights a week to supplement her income. She imagined how different her life could be and wondered what she would spend her first paycheck on. She took the time to choose the perfect outfit for her audition. She wanted to look cool but professional, enticing but not slutty and, as she stood in front of her closet, smiled that she was taking longer to pick her clothes for audition day than she did for her nights working at the Spearmint Rhino.
On the day of auditions, Stacie was sick to her stomach and despite the healthy breakfast she prepared for herself, she found herself throwing it away. She was not usually one to get nervous but today was different. Today could be the day that changed the rest of her life… for the better.
She hadn't slept well the night before, which made the hours pass painfully slow. In the end, she called Jesse for advice.
Jesse smiled when he saw her number on his phone. "This is Jesse."
"Jess, it's Stace. I'm freaking out. I can't do this. Why did I let you talk me into this? CR was right, I'm not cut out for this. I'm going to cancel. I don't have it in me. I-"
"-Ok... breathe!" Jesse laughed. "Of course you can handle this."
"I can't Jesse." Stacie almost wailed back. "I don't have what it takes to do this."
"Why? What's changed?"
"What if I forget the words?"
"You start again."
"CR won't give me any second chances."
"I'll talk to her."
"She won't like you giving me special treatment."
"Leave CR to me." Jesse said with a sly smile. "What can I do to help?"
"I don't know. I-"
"-Want me to come over?"
"What now? Doesn't Beca need you?"
"Not right now. She's outside with the dogs. She won't miss me for a couple of hours."
"If you are sure."
"I'll be over in twenty minutes." Jesse said, and hung up before Stacie began freaking out again. He was still grinning to himself when Beca came in from the back yard, in search of something to drink.
"You look like the cat that got the cream!" Beca mused as she shut the kitchen door. "What's up?"
"Nothing." Jesse said, looking over at his wife and noticing that she looked a little dumpy these days. She wasn't wearing any makeup, her hair was tied up in a messy bun and she was wearing one of his old Rolling Stones tshirts and a pair of leggings. Not exactly what he would consider attractive. "What are you up to this afternoon?"
"I'm just gonna finish a few things in the baby's room, probably take a quick trip to the Mall to get some last minute things that I'll most likely need while I'm in the hospital. You wanna come with?" Beca asked.
"Um, I can't." Jesse said, a slight tremor running through him. "I've got a few errands to run. You ok to go by yourself?"
"Sure. I might give Amy a call instead and we can-"
"-Ok, cool. Catch you later then." Jesse said, before turning and walking out of the kitchen in one quick movement. He wanted to get away from Beca as soon as possible.
"Um, see ya." Beca called to her retreating husband.
o~O~o
Final Auditions
o~O~o
The morning of auditions had finally arrived and Stacie wasn't sure what to feel. The night before had been interesting to say the least. She had never had any formal vocal lessons, it wasn't something that her parents could afford but she felt blessed that she had what she considered natural talent. Jesse had taken time out of his day and away from his wife to coach her. He made sure to tell her how to change the inflection in her voice so that she emphasized the right words at just the right times.
After working with Jesse, she was able to settle down and get a decent night's sleep, something she would definitely need if she was planning to get through auditions. As she prepared for the day ahead, she remembered several things Jesse told her the night before as they lay entwined on her sofa watching some lame ass John Hughes movie together. Jesse had strongly suggested that she avoid coffee, soda, dairy, citrus and anything that was ice cold as all of those things would affect the tone and sound of her voice. Realizing that left her with very few options from her kitchen, she decided to get ready and pick something up on the way to the hotel.
Stacie tried not to think about the night before too much as she stood in the line at the local Whole Foods Market. Guilt was not something that she carried around very often. Her other job had taught her that while she might take her clothes off for a living and entice plenty of married men to look at her, she wasn't usually in the habit of getting involved with any of them.
As she stood, cradling a large organic apple juice and bottle of overly priced water in her arms, she cast her mind back to the movie she and Jesse had watched. She could barely recall what it was because she was paying closer attention to Jesse's hands as they rubbed her feet and toes. He'd called it stress relief for her but she knew that he was getting just as much pleasure out of it as his hands crept further up, over her calves and up past her knees. She had thought at the time that it was a bit personal for an attached man, but this was Jesse, and he was a happily married man.
As the clock approached ten, Jesse had told Stacie that he needed to go and that she should try to get a good night's sleep before her big day. Stacie had explained that she was too wired to fall asleep right away. She could have sworn that she recognized the longing in Jesse's eyes as she stood to collect their glasses and take them to the kitchen. She saw it every night she worked at the Spearmint Rhino. For some reason, she liked the way Jesse looked at her and she felt it was only fair to give him something to go home with, after he'd given up most of his afternoon and evening to spend time with her.
She placed the glasses on the kitchen counter and was about to turn around when she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist and pull her backwards. She barely had time to react when she felt a pair of lips on her neck and a tongue drawing a teasing line across her skin.
Stacie shuddered at the memory as she walked up to the checkout counter at Whole Foods Market. She was so far away that the cashier had to raise her voice and tap the counter to grab Stacie's attention. Apologizing, Stacie handed over the cash in her hand and waited for her receipt before walking out of the store.
As she got out into the fresh spring air, she took a deep cleansing breath and tried to clear her mind. She needed to drop the guilt about what she'd done with a married man and focus on how well she slept the night before her audition. She was still on edge. Stacie felt like she had an extremely unfair advantage over the others but that didn't make her any less nervous.
As she sat in the room full of hopefuls, she filed her nails and listened to the tunes that played on her iPod. She was still trying to get her mind off Jesse and their little overnight tryst. She told herself that it could never and would never happen again. Jesse was married and his wife was due to have a baby very soon.
The audition process was grueling and long. While everyone literally only had a minute and thirty seconds in front of the judges, it ended up being the longest ninety seconds in all of eternity. Each person that auditioned had a score sheet which included their picture. At the end of each audition, notes were made on the score sheets before being placed in the "keep" or "toss" boxes under the table.
Since Stacie was auditioning, Cynthia Rose borrowed Zeke, the assistant of one of her coworkers. Of course she hadn't told Marisa that she needed Zeke because Stacie was auditioning. She simply told her that Stacie was unavailable. Marisa didn't need to know what was going on unless and until it was decided that Stacie would join The Riff.
When a decision was finally made about the top twenty contestants, Cynthia Rose handed the score cards to Zeke and asked that he dismiss everyone else who hadn't made it. He was also instructed to tell the top twenty that they had to select a song from a predetermined list and be ready to audition a second time.
The second round of auditions went much better than anyone expected. It went so well that making a final decision was going to be difficult at best. There were a few that stood out more than others but on a whole, everyone gave a polished performance.
After the final audition, the group had come to a unanimous decision and narrowed down the top twenty to the final five. It had finally come down to five outstanding and unique voices but all Jesse could think about was one. He didn't care about the others. In his mind, the decision was made.
In the middle of Jesse's daydream, Cynthia Rose stood up and began to pace, which immediately caught his attention. She told the group that it was imperative that they make a decision. She couldn't afford to book the hotel and get radio spots again because her budget, like her faith, was slowly dwindling.
Each of the top five had one final task… an interview with the band. One at a time the contestants were brought in for their interview. Each band member got to ask one question while Cynthia Rose took meticulous notes and listing pros and cons for each contestant. It was a bit like dissecting these people into tiny pieces before deciding that enough was enough and putting them back together again. After finally making a decision, Cynthia Rose gave a slip of paper to Zeke and asked that he escort the winner into the room.
As much as it pained Cynthia Rose to admit, Stacie was far more talented than she had ever given her credit for. When she was told that she was selected as Pepper's replacement the excited shrieks that escaped Stacie's bodacious body were deafening. Cynthia Rose was quite sure that they registered on the richter scale. Once Stacie came down from the rafters, she was told that she would be signed to a contract first thing on Monday morning. The band was then told that this meant that they would be going back in the studio and recording a new album in no time.
It would mean long days, late nights, multiple coffee runs and lots of greasy fast food but it would all worth it in the long run. Stacie was the perfect fit and was immediately able to slide right in and fill Pepper's shoes without batting an eyelash. In more ways than one.
Stacie was officially going to be living the life of a rockstar… as soon as she found and trained her replacement as Cynthia Rose's assistant.
She celebrated with Jesse that night.
o~O~o
The Next Day
o~O~o
With her eyes still closed, Beca reached across to Jesse's side of the bed only to find that he wasn't there. The sheets were cold which meant one of two things, either he had been up for some time or he never came home. The Riff had finally found Chloe's replacement and decided not to waste anymore time. They were going to have a late night jam session in the recording studio. He promised to come home, but told Beca it would be pretty late and that she shouldn't wait up.
As Beca opened her eyes, she realized that Jesse hadn't been in the bed at all. Thinking that he might have actually slept downstairs or in the guest room so he wouldn't disturb her when he came in. Carefully reaching for her phone, Beca sent Jesse a quick text.
"Donuts for breakfast? Little Miss and I would sure love a couple Bavarian Cremes! XOXO!"
Beca smiled as she placed her phone back on the bedside table and tried to get out of bed, which was no longer a graceful act, in fact, it was becoming increasingly more difficult with each passing day. Leaning back against her mound of pillows, Beca giggled at herself as she imagined that she must have looked like a turtle on it's back.
What made getting up even harder was the fact that Beca no longer felt the desire to leave the bed. She only had a few weeks before the baby's arrival and sleep, or more accurately, deep sleep was getting to be a rarity. She was looking forward to maternity leave, which meant that she could sleep when the baby slept… or at least that's what her mom, Aubrey and all the baby books had told her. When she was finally able to get herself into a sitting position, she got on her feet and made her way to the bathroom as quickly as her short, little legs would take her.
While brushing her teeth, Beca walked to the window and glanced outside; it was an absolutely gorgeous Saturday morning. The sky was the most spectacular shade of blue and there wasn't a cloud to be seen. It was in that moment she decided to spend the day relaxing by the pool. Then another idea came to her. "Girls day!" She could call or text Aubrey and Amy to come over for a little impromptu girls day. Perhaps when Jesse got back, he would even fire up the grill for them.
Excitedly she went to her closet in search of a swimsuit that would fit her now curvy frame. She laughed. She didn't have any maternity swimsuit and had never actually given any thought to getting one. It wasn't like she and Jesse were spending any time in the pool anyway… not like they did when they had first started dating. Back then, you couldn't pay them to get out of the pool. They had had sex so many times in the damn thing that she was sure that the saltwater was at least fifty percent sperm. If the pool guy only knew what the pool walls had seen.
Shaking her head, she brought herself back to the present. She was on a mission to find a swimsuit to cover her goods and by God she was going to find one if it was the last thing she did that day.
Beca wasn't exactly sure how, but she had managed to pour herself into one of her pre-pregnancy bikinis. The top was a little tight in the cup but not uncomfortably so and the bottom covered what it needed to but not much else. Taking a sideways glance at herself in the full length mirror, she nodded and said "Yep… that'll do!" before pulling on her cover-up, sliding her feet into her favorite flip flops and heading downstairs.
Once downstairs, she looked for Jesse, who was nowhere to be found. Beca had hoped that meant that he went in search of her latest donut craving. She sighed… she could already taste the donuts and hoped that Jesse would be back soon.
Letting the dogs outside, she sat on the morning porch, enjoying the pleasant spring breeze and reflecting on all that had happened since the explosion. A few things weren't sitting right with her but she was unsure how to approach Jesse about it. When he told her about the explosion, he kept referring to David as his Dad, like he had known him his entire life. Jesse claimed to hate David, and never wanted anything to do with him but somehow, he was suddenly "Dad". It just didn't make any sense.
The other thing that didn't make sense was David's marriage to Pepper. Was it a marriage of convenience, because it couldn't possibly be about love. That was just weird. And the baby? Babies were always considered a gift from God but David and Pepper having a baby… well, that was just gross. David was old enough to be Pepper's father and the baby's grandfather. What was Pepper thinking? Was she thinking at all? Was David even still able to father kids? Beca shuddered. That was a thought that she didn't want to have again. What Pepper and David did in their marriage and spare time was their business… or it used to be. They didn't have business anymore because they didn't have their lives and their poor baby never even had a chance.
The biggest question of all was, what did Jesse have to do with any of it? She knew that she needed to approach the subject with him but how? She knew that when and if she did, that it would have to be done with great care so as not to upset Jesse. They had been getting along much better and Beca really didn't want a bunch of turmoil in their lives when the baby arrived.
Beca shook her head. She didn't want to think about it anymore, she just wanted to enjoy the beautiful day. Picking up her phone, she sent a group text to Aubrey and Amy.
"Girls day, my house. You bitches game?"
Amy responded almost immediately. "You got food?"
"YES! Steaks, chicken, veggies etc... You in?"
"I'm in! Do I need to bring anything?"
"Yourself and a swimsuit."
"Done! See you in a bit."
"Aub… you in?"
"Can't… Ben is camping with his college roommates this weekend."
"And?"
"And I have the girls."
"Well, I did say 'girls day' … and they have swimsuits and floaties here. Come on Aub… girl's day!"
"Ok! Ok! But if my kids get scarred for life because of Amy doing a naked cannonball into your pool, I'm blaming you!"
"They'll be fine! They're too little to remember anything anyway. "
"That's what you think! Forgetting anything Amy does is much harder than it sounds."
"Group text… still here." Amy interrupted.
"Oh come on Aubrey!"
"Have you had the baby batter removed from the pool?"
"Baby batter?"
"Need I remind you what I caught you and Jesse doing in that pool?"
"The pool gets cleaned weekly and we haven't had sex in the pool in ages or anywhere at all actually!"
"Well… judging from your current situation, it hasn't exactly been ages now has it?"
"Ok, I'll give you that much. Are you coming over or what?"
"Alright… be there in an hour."
"You don't need to wait. Come over now."
"Gotta stop for sunscreen and swim diapers. I'll be there sooner if I can."
"Ok! See you when you get here!"
Beca smiled as she went inside to prepare some snacks for herself and the girls. She couldn't wait to spend the day with a few of her favorite people, there was a lot of time to make up for and once her baby arrived she wasn't sure when they'd get another chance to have a day like this.
o~O~o
Meanwhile Jesse sat alone in a bar on Sunset, staring at the double whiskey on the rocks that the bartender had placed in front of him thirty minutes earlier. He'd been looking at it so long, that the ice had melted and the glass left a sweaty ring on the coaster. As he tapped his finger in the puddle, further splashing the water across the highly polished bar, he contemplated his next move.
He knew that he needed to do something but he wasn't sure what. He had already smoked his weight in cigarettes and the thought of drinking the whiskey was actually making him sick. But not as sick as his actions over the last few days. Everything everyone had ever said about him was right and he knew that the reason people, especially Beca, didn't trust him was because he was bad to the bone.
He turned his phone over in his hand and saw the dozens of messages and missed calls from Beca. He scrolled through the first few, grimacing as he saw the ones from first thing that morning where Beca was asking him for donuts. He paused halfway through and saw where she'd asked him to come home and help out with the barbecue for herself and the girls. He did smile when Beca was told him about Amy jumping into the pool and splashing the dogs so much that they hid behind the pool house for the rest of the afternoon until they dried out. He stopped at the last one from Beca which simply said 'I love you xx' and felt his shoulders sag.
Sighing heavily, he ran his finger around the rim of the glass in front of him. He knew, this time, he'd gone too far. He also knew he couldn't help himself. He had broken his marriage vows in the worst possible way and there was no going back. Stacie had sworn that she wouldn't tell anyone what had happened between them, knowing that if the truth came out, she'd lose her place in the band. Jesse knew that Beca would never find out and the risk was worth taking if Stacie wanted it just as bad.
Coughing bitterly, Jesse reasoned he couldn't keep losing his mind over everything, he had to learn to put things to the side. He needed to concentrate on getting the next album out, deciding whether Stacie and her long legs was any better than the option available to him at home. Did he want to be desired in the way that Stacie wanted him or did he want to live under a set of rules in a home that wasn't his and never would be? Heartlessly, he knew he could stay put and live a comfortable life and maybe continue to see Stacie on the side. Making the band flourish was more important to him than anything else.
His face pinked heavily when he realized that his unborn daughter hadn't even made it onto his immediate priority list. She was his one chance at redemption. He could be the best daddy to her in the world, yet he hadn't even thought of her when he was listing the things that mattered the most. Coughing again into his sleeve, he shook off his sulk and decided to head home where he'd face the barrage of questions about where he had been all day. He'd just tell Beca he got lost in the music and hoped she wouldn't see the lies etched on his face.
Leaving a tip and his untouched drink on the bar, he made his way out of the door before the temptation to down the whiskey became all too much. He made his way to his car, parked two streets over and unlocked the door. He was about to get into the car when the phone buzzed in his pocket.
He prayed it was Stacie.