It was just another ordinary day in the peaceful town of Inaba.
"BEGONE THOT!" Tohru exclaimed as he kicked some woman into a TV. "Phew..."
He wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead.
"How many does that make today?"
"12 in counting, sir," answered his cameraman. "You're truly an inspiration to us all."
The reality TV show host was about ready to search for his next victim when...
CRASH!
A giant saucer-like thing crashed into the house, causing him and his cameraman to fall over.
"WHAT THE-"
Stepping out of the ship's door was a woman with blue skin and light purple hair who had an incredibly impressive set of...pointed ears (also, her boobs were huge). She wore what appeared to be some sort of pirate uniform.
She looked down on Tohru as if staring down at an insect. The other looked up.
"...they got alien bitches and whores now!?"
"Greetings, Adachi Tohru. I am a prosecutor and representative from the Federation of Extraterrestrial Females. Or F.E.M., for short. We are a group designated towards women's rights across the galaxy. You have been found guilty of numerous hate crimes against women, and, as such, your planet will be taken over by the Federation, which will instill new laws that see that men like you are punished."
"Hah, I'd like to see you try, slut!"
Suddenly, a ray shot from one of the ship's guns, blasting the cameraman to smithereens.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How could do this to my cameraman whose name I never bothered to learn!?"
"Using gendered language against a woman of color, such as myself, is a capital offense. Your accomplice's life was taken as collateral for a crime that would've certainly cost you your life. We still need you alive for the sake of political expedience."
"YOU'LL NEVER WIN!"
"Oh, we most certainly already have. Look at that TV."
Almost on cue, the TV turned on. On it was news of numerous male government leaders being deposed by the federation. Even on the news channel itself, you could see one of the hosts being led out by Federation mooks on account of being male, with only the female host left to report on what was happening.
Tohru stared at the TV with an expression of disbelief. The representative grinned smugly.
"As you can see, our taking over of Earth has already proceeded smoothly."
On that day, humanity received a grim reminder...
It only took 2 hours of fighting before mankind broke under the superior tactics and weaponry of their opponent. Male leaders all around were deposed and replaced by female politicians, who were allowed to rule on account of nothing else but their genitalia and their connections to the Federation. Some men were able to keep their positions and freedom by claiming to be transgender, but others were thrown into internment camps for the mere crime of making women feel uncomfortable with their presence.
During the takeover, you could see the F.E.M. representative on TVs and social media, throughout the planet, giving speeches.
"Women of Earth! We, the Federation of Extraterrestrial Females, have come to liberate you from male oppression! No longer will you have to suffer the cruelty of ownership by your male overlords. We will punish any and all males who so much as commit the slightest infraction against womankind."
In heavily Islamic countries, some women were smiling beneath their burqas at the prospect of freedom...while their male guides frowned heavily.
"Except for Muslims, as that would be racist."
Immediately, the female Muslims' smiles sank while one of them resumed getting stoned for being raped and shaming the family.
As for me. Well, I was currently the number one enemy of women on Earth. They needed me alive in order to demoralize any man who had thoughts of fighting back. There were all kinds of men here. On this new Earth, all you had to do to get sent to prison was for any woman, no matter who they were, to merely will it. Though it was never said outright, simply being born male in this new world was a death sentence.
Tohru sat in his huge cell, with hundreds of other men, biding his time and thinking of a plan on how to strike back.
"What're you in for?" asked a ginger-haired man (whom Tohru was somehow able to understand despite the man speaking in English), who had several piercings across his face, with a deep Scottish accent.
"Thot crimes. Crimes against women, I mean. What about you?"
"I trained my pug to do a Nazi salute in order to piss off my girlfriend."
Tohru steadfastly slid away from the prisoner and looked over at the one to his right.
"What about you, pal... You don't look so dangerous. What're you in for?"
"When a woman asked me my name, I made the mistake of sarcastically answering 'Hugh Mongous'. She thought I was referring to my genitals and, before I knew it, I was brought here on charges of rape and sedition."
"Whew, that's real rough, buddy."
Getting up from the bench, Tohru stared at all of the criminals around him.
"Is there anyone in here who has even killed a woman?"
The number of men who either raised their hand or silently nodded could be counted on a four-fingered hand. The vast majority of the prisoners in this supercell either responded with a resounding "no" or hung their heads in silence.
"I'm responsible for the deaths of two women: a highschooler and a reporter."
This claim caused a majority of the cell population to raise their heads.
"I was soon arrested for my crimes, and I resolved to never use my powers for evil ever again. When I got bored of my resolve, I escaped from my cell and started a reality TV show where I would punish dumb sluts for being dumb and slutty by throwing them into a world of existential horror. But I always brought them back before they met their shadows..."
Most of the prisoners' expressions morphed into ones of confusion and interest.
"Listen, the point I'm trying to make is that, even in our supposedly 'male-dominated' society, sick sons of bitches like me always got punished, regardless of whether we were male or female. What does that say about this society, which claims to be acting justly by 'turning the tables' and treating men like garbage? Can justice truly be achieved by turning the 'oppressed' into the 'oppressor'? Of course not! All it is is just petty playground tactics and bullying. There's no justice in this new world!"
A resounding "yeah" could be heard throughout the cell.
"This isn't about equality for them. It's about power. They're not going to stop until manhood has been eradicated throughout the universe. Our planet's just the tipping point."
"What do we do then?"
"We do what we've always done. We show these bitches and whores who's boss!"
"But how!? They defeated all of our armies like they were nothing! What can a bunch of men, who've never even seen combat, do!?"
"Have you ever watched Star Wars? Now that there are so few of us, we're considered the underdogs of this story. We're at a total advantage!"
For whatever reason, everyone seemed to buy into his strange reasoning.
"Will mankind go out with a whisper...or with a bang!?"
"WITH A BANG!"
"I'm tired of being kinkshamed in my hometown!" exclaimed a 30-something-year-old man who had blonde hair, blue eyes, and wore a fancy business suit.
Another prisoner, a teen, who wore large glasses, a yellow and red striped scarf, and a student uniform, chimed in.
"I tried to warn you about the feminists, but you didn't listen. Fuck this! I'll take them all on by myself!"
"I'M MORE THAN JUST A HAMMER!"
"Then let's do this!" exclaimed Tohru, a resounding "hooah!" meeting him.
"Okay, prisoners. It's time for your daily sensitivity/demasculinization lessons." The moment the guard opened the door, she was met by several feral gazes from all of the prisoners. "What the-"
"GET HER!" one of the prisoners yelled before they all charged her and merely knocked her unconscious (proving that just because a crowd of men rush a defenseless woman doesn't mean it has to end sexually).
One of them grabbed the guard's gun and, almost immediately afterwards, they all charged out.
Meanwhile, within the ship's headquarters...
"Mistress. There's a breach in section D-3," said one of the guards, gazing at the monitor.
"Hm..."
The blue-skinned representative mused over the video of the prisoners escaping from their cell.
"So he's striking back. Very well..."
She stood up.
"Suppress the riots! Use violence if you have to!"
"Yes, Mistress..."
The guard spoke into a microphone.
"Alerting all active guards. There's a breach in D-3. All the men have escaped and one of them is most certainly armed. You have orders to suppress the riots."
Tohru could hear the voice echo throughout the ship. It was only a matter of time before they would strike back. While all hell broke loose, as the mob dispersed to other blocks in order to free the other prisoners, Tohru and a handful of escapees occupied the ship's "therapy" section. Unlike its peaceful-sounding name, all it was was a torture/brainwashing facility. Numerous dangerous-looking tools and gadgets occupied the rooms in this sector.
"Sir, I think you need to see this."
Tohru turned around only to see a bearded man in a lumberjack uniform gazing back from his cell. At first, he didn't know how to respond. However, seeing that there was no hair on the man's arms showed him what was going on?
"How long have you been here?"
"I...don't know," replied the bearded man. "They did things to me. Put things inside of me that I didn't even know could be put in there. I've eaten nothing but soy ever since being put in here. All the other guys..."
Tears started forming in the lumberjack's eyes (though, they were still tears of manliness).
"They won't talk to me. Say I'm too 'aggressive'. I tried waving to one guy and they just flinched at me and told me I was violating them by simply being there. They do nothing but talk about random bullshit when I'm not around. They also constantly criticize each other for their appearance. I had one guy told me, under hushed breath mind you, that this uniform made me look chubby. I told him we all wear the same uniform and we all look chubby for Christ's sake. God, if it isn't the boredom that gets me, it's their constant passive-aggressiveness."
"My God..."
Tohru looked at the prisoner with a legitimate expression of pity.
"We need to get you out of here."
"Sir, I don't think that's a good idea... He might be contagious for all we know."
"Heed the small one's word, my friend. I don't have much long anyway."
Suddenly, the lumberjack began convulsing uncontrollably.
"Oh. No. The process. It's already...beginning! Remember me. Not for who I will be, but for I- Ah. Ahhhhhh. Can't. Think straight. Desire...to see my wife. Doing it with another man. Increasing. Must. Write articles for Buzzfeed. My bike. Got stolen recently. But that's okay. The total. Happiness. Of the world increased. Whoah. Whoaaaaaaaaaah!"
A blinding flash of light exhibited from within the cell, forcing both prisoners to momentarily avert their eyes. When the light disappeared, what they saw on the other side of the glass shook Tohru to his very core.
"Hello," the new creature, a complete phantom of his former self, greeted (with a lisp in his voice). "I'm a male feminist, and hashtag 'I'm with her'. But don't disagree with me, or else I'll block you. Does anyone here have access to Tumblr?"
Tohru placed a losing hand against the mockingly transparent mirror.
"...we've lost him."
The Federation was fighting a losing a war. All around, more and more cells were being liberated. It was only a matter of time before...
"Madam, they're penetrating our defenses! At this point, they're just going in and out. If we don't do something soon, we'll end up reaching climax."
The guard paused.
"By that, I mean we will be defeated!"
"How long do we have until the reinforcements get here?"
"Unfortunately, communications have been cut ever since the prisoners started rioting."
"Tch."
The commander growled.
"Impossible! Unless-"
Her thoughts went back to a disagreement she had with a higher-ranking member of the Federation.
Dammit! So this was all a trap from the start! "So...headquarters has abandoned us. No matter..."
Suddenly, the doors to the ship's headquarters exploded. Entering through the doorways was one lone man, followed by several of the ship's strongest prisoners.
"We meet again," cooed Tohru. "Last time we met, I was thinking about how I was going to plant my foot firmly up your backside."
"I had agreed to commandeer your prison ship personally," replied the blue-skinned wench. "I see now that that was a mistake. You are quite resourceful for a failed police officer."
That last remark earned a frown from the former cop.
"Oh, did I strike a nerve? No matter. I have prepared ahead of time for situations like this."
Before their eyes, the commander's seat began moving around and transfiguring until its owner was firmly tucked inside what appeared to be a battle robot of sorts.
"Taste the wrath of the Federation's unparalleled technological prowess!"
Seriously, we're going to do a big, dumb boss battle? "We've been through worse, men! Don't falter now just because it's currently smashing Jim like a two-bit whore!"
Tohru gazed at his army's expressions as they twisted into equal parts fear and disgust.
"...wait."
He turned around.
The vixen laughed as her robot continued doing just that.
"A little... Yow! Help?" said Jim (don't worry, he's not important).
"When did she-"
But before Tohru could finish his sentence, the mecha had instantaneously disappeared and reappeared behind him. With his hardened battle experience, Tohru was able to sidestep away from the robot's swing, but his men were not so lucky.
"SITREP!"
"All fine, sir," said one of the prisoners, who was badly injured.
The others just silently groaned.
"Now you're without an army!" stated the commander.
Tohru took out his signature snub revolver, which he was able to retrieve from the armory. Unfortunately, he couldn't rely on his persona due to not being able to summon it in the real world. He would have to rely on the training he had received from his days in police academy.
"Oh, so you brought a little toy with you! How quaint."
The former detective scratched the back of his head.
"Seriously, does being stuck in that thing all day get you high off your own fumes?"
"How about a little physics lesson before I pummel you. The maximum velocity of a bullet is 2,500 feet per second. Your gun can shoot even slower than that. Now, with my mecha that's able to travel faster than the speed of sound, how likely is it that one of your lowly Earth pellets will even graze my brilliant armor?"
He paused for a moment, legitimately thinking about how to answer that question. Finally, he shrugged his shoulders.
"...I was never good at chemistry."
And like a whirlwind of despair, the mecha disappeared and reappeared behind Tohru. However, Tohru foresaw this and shot a second gun he had hidden behind his back at the window. This one was a gun used by one of the guards, so it was actually able to cause the mecha some relative damage.
"The revolver was just a feint!" exclaimed the commander as her robot took a step back.
"Never bullshit a bullshitter."
In the background, prisoners could be seen fighting with the remaining guards.
"Crap, these ones are stronger!"
They were currently getting decimated by F.E.M.'s top elite.
"Keep pushing them back," yelled the enemy captain.
"Quick, hit them with 'hate facts'!"
"The wage gap is a myth! It's really an earnings gap that is mostly dependent on the personal life choices of the individual and not on some systematic sexism in society that makes men want to pay less to a woman for the same work."
One of the guards immediately clutched their ears, falling to their knees.
"It hurts!"
"Keep hitting them, boys! Marriage is not an invention of the patriarchy to oppress women. More men are screwed over in divorce courts due to a prevailing bias that benefits women. The rape statistics for college campuses are exaggerated and misleading, and the idea that there is a rape culture is laughable at best. Women are just as abusive to other women as men."
More and more of the guards fell down, clutching their ears.
"Can't. Handle. Reality. Need. Safe space."
It got to the point where even the captain was beginning to get affected.
"Damn you and your mansplaining! Take this!"
As explosions roared across the battlefield that marked the ridiculously large headquarters, Tohru and his opponent did the fandago, and it wasn't really frightening. But it was close cuts all around...
"I have to say, I'm impressed," commented the female commander as she continued delivering punches to her opponent who had been dodging by a hair's breath. "In all my life, no one, much less a man, has ever made me go all out."
"...wait, are you saying that this is actually tiring for you, or is going all out mean relying on your robot to do your dirty work?"
"I think I'm beginning to grow some rather odd rather attachments to you."
She had completely ignored his question.
"Tell me. Is this what you earthlings call...love?"
"Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, we're not going down that subplot."
Picking up his revolver, Tohru shot at where he had intended to hit the entire time. The core of the mecha, which had only been exposed after being fired at several times by the now-depleted guard gun.
"NANI THE FUCK!?" yelled the ship commander before her mecha was blown to smithereens.
At this point, the ship had been completely taken over by the prisoners. Several of the guards had also been tied up to prevent further conflict. From the smoke, the form of the commander's now-weakened form could be seen laying head-first into the ground, her nearly naked rear exposed for everyone to see. Most of her clothes had also been torn off, with only a few rags hanging in there, conveniently hiding her most private of places.
Tohru stared at the wreck of a woman before him. She fidgeted. It looked like she was still conscious.
"Well...you bested me. Now what?"
"Now..."
He had a slightly perverse gaze as he scanned his defeated foe.
"I'm going to take advantage of this situation."
"You don't mean-"
"Yep."
He started approaching her. She couldn't believe this. Of all the people to take her first time, it had to be this earthling welp. Still, he was able to defeat her. He had a right to the spoils of victory. Oddly enough, she felt satisfied with this outcome.
"No!" she screamed, unable to move but still wagging her butt seductively and blushing profusely. "I will not be defiled by a pig of a man like you!" Be gentle.
"Defile? No, I'm just going to throw you into that conveniently placed TV over there."
The commander held a blank expression for quite some time.
"Oh."
"Alley-oop."
Tohru threw the alien into the TV and dusted off his hands.
"And that's one less feminazi I have to worry about."
"Amazing, sir!" said his cameraman (who was somehow still alive). "You're truly an inspiration to us all."
And that's the story of how Tohru Adachi, host of the planet's most popular reality TV show in the top 100 rankings (take that, Kardashian), saved humanity from the clutches of evil space feminazis.
The en-
"Thank you for rescuing us, sir. Now that they're gone, the old law can be reinstated. Speaking of which..."
The prisoner, a relatively muscular male, took a pair of handcuffs out from his trousers and pointed a gun at Tohru.
"I'm a police officer. You're under arrest for escaping prison and obstructing justice."
He looked at the man for a single moment before quietly muttering to himself...
"Sonuvabitch."