Next chapter, sorry if the formatting is crappy, I'm doing this on my phone whilst on holiday and I've got no real control how it comes out.
let me know what you think x
Jess was lying on Caleb, tangled in the covers and both naked and sweaty from the second round of sex. They'd finished on the sofa and barely stopped for breath before heading up to Caleb's room, and were still breathing heavily when she ran her fingers over his chest hair, her voice impossibly quiet.
'I... When I lost the baby, I blamed myself'
Caleb shuffled slightly, looking like he would rather be anywhere but having this conversation 'Jess I don't want to-'
'If you want us to have any chance then we have to talk about this'
Caleb exhaled deeply but didn't say anything else, letting her continue 'I blamed myself, you know it was my body, might have been our child but it was me it was inside...it's not like I can't have children, you know, I've got Harry. But when it happened I just felt like because I had said I didn't want it at the start, that karma or something had just decided to put me right. I should have paid more attention to how you were feeling, I know it must have cut you up as well... But I just felt like I'd lost everything. I hadn't even completed my final exams, I didn't graduate, and now I had lost the only thing I knew for certain about my future. I felt like I had failed, once again, and I felt like I just wasn't good enough for you... What could I offer you?'
Caleb didn't say anything and swiftly pulled Jess up so that she was lying with her head on his chest and he held her incredibly tightly, shaking his head.
'Don't ever blame yourself, and don't ever say that you aren't good enough. Do you understand me?'
Jess nodded slightly and he kissed the top of her head 'good. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't upset when you lost the baby, of course I was. I was so unbelievable angry. Not at you- at the fact I couldn't do anything to help or change the situation, I was helpless and useless. And then you started to pull away from me and I just felt like I had fucked it all up, as if you weren't going through enough already without me pushing you further... I don't blame you Jess and I never will. Things happen that we can't control, and unfortunately that was one of them'
Caleb sighed and kissed her hair again 'we deserve to be happy, both of us. It's time to start letting that happen'
Jess looked up and kissed him gently
Christian had got the text 'if I stay over tonight are you both okay to look after Harry? I'll be back in the morning?'. Surprisingly he had found he wasn't even annoyed, simply replying that it was fine before checking on his grandson, who was sleeping soundly.
Ana was reading a book in the main room when he came back in 'Harry's fast asleep and it looks as though Jess is staying at the McManus house'
Ana's eyebrows rose but she nodded, looking a little amused 'clearly they are working things out'.
The innuendo in her voice made Christian shake his head 'I'd really rather not thing about that, have you eaten dinner yet? You look too thin'
Ana rolled her eyes.
Caleb was cooking as Jess watched, sitting on the countertop and watching with a smirk.
'What's so funny?'
'Nothing'
Caleb looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she shrugged 'I like watching you cook, it's nice'
'Nice? I'll have you know my chicken curry is more than nice Miss Grey'
'Where did you learn to cook like that? Your Dad?'
He shrugged, stirring some sauce 'well not from Dad, he's an awful cook, my sister has always been pretty good, and I learnt off her and off my mum- before she left obviously'
There was a bitter tone in his voice that Jess didn't miss as he started to plate everything up.
'Sorry I brought her up'
Caleb glanced up briefly 'its fine, I just have nothing nice to say about that bitch, but if you really want to talk about her then go ahead'
Jess blinked and shook her head 'no, no, it's fine. Another day'
Caleb looked appeased and nodded, picking up the two plates 'come on then, before it gets cold. We can watch trash tv and I can show you just how much I've missed you when we get back in my bed'
He winked and moved into the main room, and Jess felt her stomach clench as she watched him go.
Perhaps things were finally going to get better?