The Woes of a Soldier Bride to Be
"I just don't understand why he has to be such a dick about it that's all. I've got enough to worry about at the moment without him throwin' his toys out the pram an' all…All I'm saying is I would appreciate it if he made an effort not to get pissed off his arse and embarrass me on the day." Not wanting to intrude, Margaret hovered uncertainly in the doorway. She'd only come down for a glass of water and hadn't expected to find Molly on the phone having what sounded like a pretty heated exchange. Noticing her presence, Molly rolled her eyes and mouthed the word mum in her direction. Margaret took that as her cue to enter and busied herself by flicking through Molly's wedding book as she waited for her to finish her conversation. "Is he serious? All these years I've put up with his shit and I've never asked him for anything. For just once in his life can he not be a complete bell end and put ME first for a change?" Molly sighed in irritation. "I know mum it's just this is a really big deal. I just want everything to go right for once. Can you please just talk to him? Alright thanks. Yeah we'll see you tomorrow. The train gets in at 10. Ok bye."
"Is everything alright?" Margaret watched Molly carefully as she painted a reassuring smile on her face. Margaret wasn't convinced though. Whatever was said had clearly upset Molly and she was doing all she could to hide her disappointment behind her usual mask of indifference. Margaret wasn't about to let her bottle everything up though, not now. "Molly?" One look at Margaret's concerned face was all it took for Molly's expression to crumble and for the flood gates to open. Slightly unnerved at seeing Molly so vulnerable, Margaret rushed around the counter and drew her into a tight hug. Margaret didn't say a word, content to just sit in silence and let Molly regain her composure and gather her thoughts in her own time.
In all honesty Margaret was surprised she had lasted this long before suffering a breakdown. The stress and self-doubt Molly felt at being put forward for a promotion, coupled with the strain of planning her wedding had finally caught up with her it would seem. Pulling back gently, Molly wiped her eyed with the tissue Margaret handed her. "I'm sorry. It's just things have been creeping up on me and I'm not sure I'm juggling it all very well. It suddenly seems too much. The promotion, the wedding. Everything feels like it's crashing down around me." Molly's voice hitched as she finished, a fresh wave of tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. Margaret sighed as she gently wiped the tears from Molly's eyes. "There now. When are you going to realise that you aren't on your own anymore? You and Charles are partners. That's what marriage is really. A partnership. If you need help you only have to ask. We're here for you and so are your family." Molly snorted at her last remark. "What? What's wrong?"
"What you just said. That bit about family being there for me. It ain't true. Not really." Margaret looked at Molly in alarm. "What do you mean? What's going on?" Molly sighed as her gaze flitted to the medical report pinned to the fridge where she and Charles had written their vows several weeks ago. When Margaret had noticed the report the next morning she couldn't help but think it summed up their relationship perfectly. "They're supposed to love you unconditionally aren't they? Your parents. To support you and believe in you no matter what." Margaret nodded, not entirely sure where Molly was going with this. "I went and saw Mum and Dad the other day to talk about the wedding. I happened to mention that I wanted Dad to make an effort, you know tidy himself up a bit an' make an effort to actually wear trousers for a change caz I really don't want him to walk me down the aisle wearing only his pants." Margaret's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline at that unwelcomed mental image before she retuned her focus back to Molly who was flicking distractedly through her wedding folder. "I also asked him to lay off the drinking a bit at the wedding. He didn't like that very much. I mean is it that big of an' ask? It's my day and I ask for one thing from him. ONE! I'm not saying he can't drink (though it would do him good) I just don't want him getting up there giving a speech completely trollied. Why can't he just make me proud for once?" Molly paused before grumbling under her breath, "He's bleedin lucky I'm letting him walk me down the aisle at all I tell you."
"Hay now you don't mean that. He's proud of you. You know that. I think you're just tired and stressed and you're not yourself. You're trying to do too much all at once. Lets just take a step back and solve one problem at a time shall we." Margaret reached for the file and gently tugged it form her grip and placed it on the table. Taking her small hands in hers she looked Molly square in the eye. "Now tomorrow's priority are the dresses yes?" At Molly's nod Margaret continued, "Why don't I see if we can leave a bit earlier and pop in to see your Dad and clear up this whole misunderstanding? Jackie's train won't get in till 10.30, we'll have plenty of time. I'm sure if you were completely honest with Dave he'd understand. He has been making more of an effort to sort himself out lately and it's not like you're telling him he can't have a drink to celebrate is it? Maybe just explain your concerns. You never know sweetheart, when he realises how much this means to you, he might just surprise you. Give him a little bit more credit hummm?" Margaret squeezed Molly's hands again when she let out a defeated sigh. It was the sound she makes when she knows she isn't going to win this battle.
"Alright fine."
"Good girl. Now what do you say we get to bed. You've got a big day tomorrow and you want to look your best whilst you're trying on all those gorgeous gowns so we can find one fit for a fairy tale princess." At that Molly smirked.
"In that case, are you sure we shouldn't be taking Charles dress shopping instead? After all isn't he the damsel in distress in our fairy tale? Should I be looking for a white steed instead of a nice posh car to escort me? Maybe I'll higher a pantomime horse instead. I'm sure Mansfield won't mind bein' the back end for the day. He's used to making an arse of himself." Margaret couldn't help but laugh at that, as her mind drifted back to the night Charles proposed. "Ahh well at least nobody can say your wedding wasn't original though hay?"
Margaret sighed as she and Belinda browsed through yet another wrack of wedding dresses as they waited for Molly to come out of the changing room. They'd been at it for what seemed like hours and still they weren't any closer to finding Molly's dream dress. Although she had been remarkably more relaxed after a heart to heart with Dave, where they both managed to clear the air, Molly's mood had dampened as her frustration at not finding anything she liked grew. Though to be fair, it probably didn't help that she was having dresses by six different women, all of whom have different styles and tastes, thrown at her to try on left right and centre.
"Let's have a butchers then Molls," Belinda called out and Margaret turned to see the door of the changing room open a crack. Judging by her sceptical tone, Molly wasn't convinced by Belinda's latest pick. "Really Mum? This dress has more bleedin' frills than Margaret's drapes." Margaret couldn't help but chuckle at that. If Molly looked anything remotely like the frilly monstrosities that currently resided in their drawing room, then they had better keep looking. The drapes had been a wedding present from Richard's mother. Upon first meeting her, Agatha James had been convinced that Margaret didn't have an aristocratic bone in her body and was someone who wouldn't know class or refinement if she was hit over the head by an overpriced china plate. Agatha was adamant that Margaret didn't know the first thing about maintaining the upkeep of such a fine example of Georgian architecture, and grumbled that the house would parish and be left to wrack and ruin once it was signed over to the newest branch on the esteemed James family tree.
"Don't be daft Molls. The hangers never do the dresses justice. I'm sure it'll look gorgeous on you love. Now out you get, no need to be shy."
Margaret hid a smile at that. She doubted even Gok Wan could make those ruffles look good. Molly was now attempting to manoeuvre out of the dressing room in the dress. As her movements were so restricted, walking normally look neigh impossible. Poor Molly could only just manage a sort of waddle come shuffle. The skirt of the ivory ball gown was make up of layers of hideous ruffles with puffy sleeves that feel off her shoulders. Completing the look was a satin sash that encircled her waist and finished in a gigantic bow that made her arse look like that reality tv star. What was her name? Kim Karbrushman? No Kardashian. yes that was it. Poor Molly looked utterly ridiculous. The group of women all looked at each other uncertainly, neither wanting to be the one to break the news to Molly. Nan, never one for subtlety bless her, gave it to Molly straight. "Not bein' funny or out Molls, but do you want a crook to go with that? Add a nice bonnet and a flock of sheep an you'd make a bloomin lovely Bow Peep." Uh of here it comes. Nan's gone and done it now. There's no way Molly's going to let that dig slide. Margaret watched Molly fearfully but relaxed when she could see the corner of her mouth begin to twitch. Within minutes the group had broken into hysterical laughter. Wiping her eyes, Belinda was the first to regain her composure. "I think this one is slightly too fussy, love. Maybe something less frilly?"
"Yeah Molls, you look like you stepped out of one of them 80's music videos," Bella added from her position behind one of the dress racks.
"Oi, shut it you cheeky mare!" Molly glared at her younger sister. Oh dear, Molly's temper was definitely fraying. Belinda, sensing how close to the edge Molly was, quickly intervened before war broke out between the sisters. She was able to convince Molly to try on another dress and quashed Bella's teenage attitude with a look that even Rebecca would have been proud of. A bemused Jackie was stood to the side watching the interaction with interest. Although she had paid frequent visits to see Charles and Molly and had been at their engagement party, this was the first time she had witnessed first-hand the utter chaos and madness that came with being surrounded by Molly's family. Moving to stand next to the medic Margaret tilted her head as Jackie whispered, "Molly wasn't exaggerating when she spoke about her family was she?" Margaret gave her a soft, sad smile. "No I don't imagine she was. This is nothing compared to how it could get. Why don't you go and see if Molly needs a hand? We'll keep looking." Catching her eye Margaret winked at the look of relief on Jackie's face as she darted off to the changing room.
Margaret's shrew eyes swept around the shop looking for a flash of inspiration. The assistant hovered nearby, eying Margaret suspiciously. For goodness sake couldn't she make herself useful and actually help instead of standing there looking down her nose at them all? making her way back over to the Dawes clan she saw Belinda glance at her watch anxiously. "Molls you haven't got long love. You still need to sort out the music, the first dance. Confirm menus with the caterers and arrange the flowers. Time is running out." Suddenly the door opened with a bang and an exasperated Molly came marching out of the changing room.
"This is bollocks!"
"Molly!" Belinda send a scandalised look at Margaret, who merely gazed in concern at Molly as she started to pace back and forth fretting anxiously. "I can't do this! I'm never going to find a dress. I'm running out of time. There's still so much to do. Why am I even doin this? I don't fit in here. I'm a bloody soldier. I feel more at home in combats and boots these days than long flowing dresses and heels, all trussed up like a Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. I ain't one for fairy tales and princess dresses. I don't do perfect."
Belinda looked at her daughter in concern. "What you talkin' about Molls? What are ya sayin'?"
"Maybe this was all a mistake. Charles deserves so much more." Everyone was silent as they watched Molly slowly begin to unravel before them. The confident solider long gone, Molly was once again letting her insecurities and lack of confidence rule her head. Margaret wasn't going to sit back and watch her spiral down the rabbit hole of self-doubt. Not when she had worked so hard to overcome her doubts. She'd been Charles' rock when he'd had a crisis of self-confidnece during his rehap, the east Margaret could do was return the favour. Sensing an impending crisis, Margaret took charge and began giving orders. "Ok troops why don't we take a break. Jackie, Nan why don't you take Bella on ahead for her fitting. It's nearly 3.30 you don't want to be late. Belinda there's a lovely beaded dress on the rack over there that I think Molly will love, why don't you go and get it for Molly to try. Molly you come and sit here with me for a minute." When Belinda continued to hover anxiously Margaret gently touched her arm and whispered quietly, "You go ahead. It's just pre-wedding nerves I'm sure." With that she gently took Molly's arm and led her over to a plush arm chair.
"Now then what's this silly notion about you not belonging here or being good enough for my son?" Molly sighed wearily as she rubbed her forehead.
"I just… we're so different. I don't know how to do this." Molly gestured around her. "I'm no good at organising and planning things in intricate detail. I grew up in a mad house in East Ham with no GCSE's. I haven't been to uni or travelled the globe. I'm not like Rebecca who can flit here and there, planning extravagant dinner parties and organise events at the club at a moment's notice. I'd make a rubbish hostess." Molly finished quietly.
"Well thank goodness for that." At Molly's affronted look Margaret continued. "Are for forgetting where you two met? The things you've done? Look at how far you've come. You've completed two tours of Afghanistan and Africa. You've risen up the ranks to Lance Corporal. Corporal soon enough if all your hard work and determination pays off. You've matured into one of the bravest, strongest and most intelligent people I've met in a long time. We keep telling you that you need to give yourself more credit. Look at all you've accomplished. Yes life hasn't dealt you the best hand, but rather than sit back and throw in your lot, you went out there and changed your life for the better. You could have stayed at the nail bar but you chose to try something different. I'll let you in on a little secret. All this glitz and glamour, it's just a smokescreen. An excuse for everyone to outdo each other. If I'm honest you don't want to be anything like them. They're all rude, self- inflated old bores who are as dull as dishwater."
At that Molly couldn't help but burst into fits of giggles. Ah I knew she was in there somewhere.
"Now there's the Molly Dawes we all know and love. Don't ever forget that Charles loves you for who you are. You've never pretended to be someone you're not. You aren't afraid to speak your mind; you do and say whatever the hell you like and to hell with what anyone else thinks. That's why Charles loves you. Why we all love you."
Molly smiled. "I'm sorry I'm such a Muppet half the time. I just let things get on top of me I guess. Sorry you had to see that. Again."
"Oh don't be daft." The two sat in contented silence as they watched Belinda chatting animatedly to the assistant as she sorted through more racks of dresses.
"You know I never did thank you properly for saving Charles and bringing him home." Margaret said softly as she squeezed Molly's hand.
"I was only doing my job," Molly answered. Margaret shook her head.
"No. When we first met I thanked you for bringing him home and for being so good about Sam. I don't think you realise the positive impact you've had on their lives. You saved Charles in more ways than one. Before he went out on tour, it was as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had to deal with Rebecca leaving and then the divorce. I think he felt like he had failed. It was a shame. They loved each other in the beginning, but as time went on both of them wanted different things and neither were prepared to compromise for the other. Charles used to live and breathe the Army and Rebecca never understood what drew him to that life. They were both selfish. They're in a much better place now than they ever were, as I'm sure you're aware. Then Charles lost one of his men. Smurf's brother wasn't it?" Molly nodded sadly, her hand subconsciously going to the chain around her neck. Over the years it had become a sort of good luck charm more than anything, something she rarely took off after Charles had gifted her a silver chain to put the ring on for her 21st birthday.
"It changed him, that loss. As a mother it was hard sitting back and watching as the Army slowly chiped away at the most important person in your life piece by piece. He became so serious and distant after that tour; as if he'd built a wall around himself and nobody could touch him. Not me, Sam, Rebecca. Nobody. Until he met you. I don't know how you did it but you broke through the wall and woke him up. You challenged him and made him question everything he thought he believed in. Even now, you aren't afraid to call him out on all his shit. I'm in awe of the bond you two share. You know how to keep him in line and on his toes. He's really opened up and come out of his shell; he laughs and jokes more now than he ever did and it's all thanks to you."
"I never knew any of that," Molly whispered softly. Margaret chuckled at that.
"Of course not. Charles confessed that to me not long after you came to visit him in Bath the first time. He tried to act all coy about it but knew then that you were different. Special. Even Richard was right about you." Seeing Molly's surprised look Margaret was quick to put her at ease. "The first thing he said after we met you was I like her. The girls got spark. She's just what he needs to keep him on his toes. He said you'd be the one to stir things up a bit and inject a bit of excitement back into our lives. I for one, am glad he was right. Best not tell him though his head is big enough as it is. Now enough of that. Let's go see what your mum has found." Molly laughed and kissed Margaret's cheek tenderly as she walked over to see what else her mum had in store for her.
Twenty minutes later Molly was stood in front of the mirror in the most beautiful dress Margaret had ever seen. The ivory gown had an illusion neckline sprinkled with delicate beads across the bust and on the capped sleeves. The a-line skirt, tapered in to accentuate her waist, flowed beautifully as Molly twisted her body back and forth in the mirror. The Key hole back was made from delicate lace adored with intricate flowers across the shoulders. The dress was elegant, classy and completely Molly. In a word, she looked perfect. Margaret watched as Molly admired herself in the mirror. She wore an expression of absolute awe. As if she could hardly believe it was her staring back in the glass.
"This is it. This is my dress," Molly whispered softly. Belinda stood staring at her eldest daughter with tears in her eyes as she gently swept Molly's hair up and twisted it away from her face.
"Oh my baby's getting married. You look like a princess. It's beautiful." Margaret could only smile around the lump in her throat and nod in confirmation. "That's the one. You should definitely wear your hair up, you'll be able to appreciate the details on the back of the dress more." Molly laughed as she turned away from her reflection. "Thank God for that, me bleedin' feet are killing me. I could do with a cuppa." The three women laughed as Margaret and Belinda carefully set to work on helped Molly out of her dress. She couldn't wait to see Charles' face when he saw Molly in the dress. He isn't going to know what hit him, that's for sure. Oh the pieces of the puzzle were finally beginning to come together. Margaret intended to make sure everything was perfect. She was determined that these two were going to get their happy ever after. They deserved it.