Author's Note: For Midgie. :D

Chapter 15: Talking it Out

Mike had been sitting on a hill overlooking the psychiatric hospital they'd saved Sarah from, but he couldn't concentrate very well. Not that he really had to. He and Rose had been sitting here for several hours already and nothing had happened. No one had gone into the hospital and no one had left. He wasn't sure what he expected to see, but he thought maybe he'd at least see a groundskeeper or something. Clearly that stuff was done during the day and nothing happened at night.

"You know, you can always talk to me if you want," Rose said suddenly. It was nearly 2 am and Mike was fighting drowsiness so her sudden words startled him a little. They had talked a little when they first got here about what kinds of things they were going to be looking for and what they would do if they saw it, so he was a little confused by her statement.

"I know," Mike answered. "We talked when we first got here. I don't think we're going to see anything tonight."

"I'm not talking about casual conversations," Rose said. "I'm talking about what's going on. Why you're upset."

"Oh," Mike said softly. "Why?" Rose looked at him strangely. "Why would you want to hear what I have to say? You don't know who I am for one."

"And for two?" Rose asked when he didn't finish.

"You're supposed to be on his side, aren't you?" Mike asked looking away from her. He had thought about what had happened back at the house; the things he'd said and the things he'd done. He hated it all and wanted to be able to take it all back, but wasn't sure he could.

"I don't see how there are any sides in this whole ordeal, Mike," Rose said. "Micky's not mad at you; he understands that you aren't feeling well and isn't holding anything you did against you. Besides that, I think because I don't really know much of anything about you means that I am the best person to talk to. I won't judge you. I have no preconceived notions about you. I can just listen."

"You're biased towards him," Mike said.

"I don't have to be unbiased to listen," Rose said. "And I already told you: there are no sides. He's not mad at you."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know him. If he were mad at you, he would have just attacked you back. He wouldn't have been able to carry on a conversation with you. He would have left."

"Yes, but you believe him. You believe that Heather drugged me."

"So do you." She looked deep into his eyes when she said this and he realized she was right. He did believe Micky was right from the moment Micky told him Heather had drugged him. And yet he had for some reason been so defensive of her. It really didn't make any sense to him. Half of him knew what she'd done to him while the other half was screaming there must be another explanation.

"How can you be so sure?" Mike asked.

"I wasn't," Rose answered with a beautiful smile. "Until just now. The look on your face confirmed it. You know what she did."

"Part of me does, I guess," Mike admitted. "I just don't understand. If she drugged me, why didn't the doctors find anything when they tested my blood?"

"Because we didn't want them to," Rose answered. "We knew what would happen if they found the drugs. Heather would be arrested and her name and crime would go on public record. Word would get back to your father and Micky's father…"

"And they'd come kick our asses," Mike sighed.

"Or worse."

"How did you stop them from testing my blood?"

"I didn't. I just switched the samples out."

"What?"

"I took Micky's blood and made my way to the lab. I had every intention of just flashing my badge and pestering the technician to go look for something, but lucky for me, he was on bathroom break. So i just took your vial, took the label off, put it on Micky's and put yours in my pocket. Walked out without anyone but the doorman seeing me, but it's not very unusual for cops to be at the lab, so nothing suspicious there."

"You could get in a lot of trouble for that. Not only could you lose your job, you could go to jail."

"Maybe. But I didn't get caught."

"Micky said you had the bottle he found in her hotel tested. He tried to tell me what was in it, but I wasn't ready to listen."

"Do you want me to tell you?"

"Yes."

"They didn't find anything definitive, to be honest, but what they did find was chemicals used in the same types of drugs Micky's father gave us. The chemicals could easily knock someone out or even kill them."

"So she nearly killed me. How did you get them to test it without arousing suspicion?"

"Easy. I just told them it was possible evidence for a case I'm working. It's not really a big deal."

"Why would you do something like that for me? Lying to people and risking your job?"

"I didn't do it just for you, Mike. I did it for Micky, too. His parents think he's dead. It needs to stay that way. Which means we have to deal with Heather without alerting them to any of this."

"You really care about him, don't you."

"I do. He's the only person that's been there for me in my entire life."

"You must hate me."

"Why would you say that? Because of what happened between you? Don't even worry about that. You weren't yourself."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know Micky. He would never be friends with someone who acts like that. Between the drugs and the seizure, you can't be held responsible for your behavior."

"You really think that's why I did what I did?" Mike asked again looking at the ground. He hated himself for having lost control like that. He'd never done anything like that before.

"I know it," Rose answered. "I may not know you very well, but I know all I need to for me to know that you are not normally like that. It's what she did to you. It's messing with your head."

"Part of me knows that, too."

"Part of you?"

"It's starting to go away. The anger and everything. But there's still a part of me…"

"That still wants to believe her?"

"What's wrong with me?"

"What makes you think anything is wrong with you? You were drugged."

"This isn't the drugs anymore. This is something more. I...I still love her. I still want to believe that there is some sort of explanation for all this. I still want there to be a chance we could try again; that we could still be together. What is wrong with me? How can I still be in love with someone who did this to me?"

"Mike, one thing you have to understand is that there are different degrees of love; different types. There's the love you share with family members, and I don't just mean blood because you and Micky both prove that blood means nothing. Family is who you choose them to be. You, Micky, Davy and Peter are family. I see it in the way you interact with each other; how deeply you care for each other. A love like that is rare and special. It's something that can't be broken. Even if you had chosen to completely go against Micky and side with Heather, he still would have loved you. He wouldn't have been able to support you, but he still would have cared about you. Micky would die for you; he'd kill for you. All of them would. Even Peter. He'd hate himself for it, but if it came to choosing between letting you die and being forced to kill someone, we both know what he'd choose. And I have no doubt you'd do the same.

"There's carnal love. That messes with your head the most. You feel a pull to be with that person every time you're near them. You feel hot and your clothes are tight. Your stomach flips and your heart skips a few beats. You do really stupid things sometimes to be with that person and you hurt a lot of other people around you. You confuse it easily with real love. Real love is what Micky and Sarah have. It's the kind of thing where you'd be just as happy being in their arms as you would being in bed with them, sometimes happier. You think about each other when you're close as much as you do when you're miles apart. It's the kind of love where the very thought of that person is what keeps you going every day, no matter what life throws at you. It's the kind of love that never dies no matter what.

"What you have to do now, Mike, is ask yourself if you're truly in love with Heather, or if it's carnal. I can't answer that for you, but what I can tell you is that Heather doesn't love you the way Sarah loves Micky. If she did, she would never have lied to you. Once you know how you really feel, only then can you ask yourself what you're going to do about it. Only then can you see whether or not there's something wrong with you."

"You speak like you have been through this kind of thing before," Mike said after a few moments of silence; taking in everything she'd just said.

"Sort of," Rose answered. "I've been in love and I've been in lust."

"You got me to talk about my feelings, it's your turn," Mike pushed when she fell silent.

"I'm not really anguished about them," Rose laughed. Mike felt the familiar butterflies dance around his stomach that he had when he'd first seen Heather smile. "I lusted after my partner a few years ago, until I found out he was married."

"That's horrible. I'm sorry."

"I got over it."

"And the time you were in love? What happened there?"

"Micky and I used to be in love."

"What?" Mike asked stunned.

"Before Sarah was even brought to us," Rose answered. "I loved him with all my heart, but it just wasn't enough."

"Wow…" Mike said. "And you and Sarah and Micky are still friends? Impressive."

"It's not like that," Rose laughed a little again causing his stomach to flutter once more. Her laugh was beautiful. "It's not like she stole him from me. Micky and I tried, but we agreed it would never work given our situation. It wasn't really meant to be. But with Sarah, it was harder for him to walk away. They were meant to be together. We still love each other, but no where near the depth of love he has for Sarah. And he was truly happy with her. And that's all I could ever ask for. I just wish that someday I could find that, too."

"I'm sure you will," Mike said offering a smile.

"Maybe," Rose smiled back, "but so far the only guys I've ever gone out with have been scared off. I believe in telling the truth about my past to anyone I might get serious with. As soon as they hear I was kept prisoner and raped for years of my life by my foster father, they run. Usually screaming in terror."

"I won't," Mike said without thinking. Why the hell did you just say that!? Mike's mind screamed at him as Rose looked at him with a partially bemused and partially pleasant expression. Say something else! "I mean I wouldn't run away. If it were me."

"If it were you?" she asked.

"Yeah. I knew about Heather's past and didn't run away. I'm just saying...there's someone out there for you. There's someone for everyone. You'll find someone who can look past that and see how beautiful you are."

"Well, they usually go out with me in the first place because they think I'm beautiful."

"I didn't mean that. I mean, you'll find someone who can see more than how stunningly gorgeous you are." Mike yelled at himself again. Why did he keep saying things before he even thought about them? It was as if his filters had been shut off. Stop talking, Michael, before you talk too much! But he couldn't stop himself now. He just kept going. "I mean...uh...You are very beautiful. Would be considered beautiful to most people. But there's more to you than that. I don't know you very well, but going off of what I've learned from talking to you tonight you're also very smart and sweet and..."

"Keep going."

"You're loyal and caring. You didn't have to do anything you've done for me, including this whole talk. But you did because you care about Micky. Because you're a good person." Before Mike even really knew what was happening, Rose leaned over and kissed him. His first instinct was to kiss her back; to cup his hand tightly in her hair and pull her closer to him, but he couldn't. He wasn't sure why, but he pushed her away. His head screaming at him that he was being stupid; he liked her and he knew it.

"I'm sorry," Rose said softly. He could feel her breath on his face and it sent shivers down his spine.

"It's fine," Mike said. "It's not you, it's me. Don't get me wrong; I think you're beautiful and I feel something, but I just don't know if I'm ready for this."

"I understand. You have a lot to deal with and a lot to sift through right now. Just remember, your friends aren't going anywhere. They know you're dealing with a lot and they'll always be there for you." Mike nodded and lost himself in his thoughts again. Why had he spoken so freely with her? And why did he push her away when she kissed him? He wasn't going to deny that he was attracted to her. Intensely attracted. But it felt different than it had with Heather. Some things were the same, but he didn't have the same intensity that he had with Heather. What did that mean? Was he more attracted to Heather or was it a different kind of attraction? And did it even matter?

He couldn't fight it anymore; he knew Heather had drugged him. He knew she'd raped him and it ripped him apart inside. But a small part of him still desperately wanted there to be a reason for it. A small part of him still clung to the glimmer of hope that somehow when she was found and rescued, she'd give him a reasonable explanation for what happened. She had been kidnapped, after all. Yet, Micky was right about that, too; it didn't prove she didn't hurt him. Just that she may have made a lot of enemies. He'd just have to wait until she was found to get an explanation. But he doubted he would get a reasonable one. There was no reasonable explanation for raping anyone.