Me:…So it's been a long time since I updated gais….GAIS?

Aidou: Che! Pathetic human. Everyone left because you haven't updated these past months.

Me: AWWW! COME ON GAIS! I GOT A BOYFRIEND. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR ME. I was "living the life" as we speak it. You know…being socially awkward, while making derpy faces. GIVE ME A CHANCE.

Kain: They're not pleased.

Kaname: Nobody ever is when it comes to the author.

Me: Well fack you gais too. Anyway, Mamor—I MEAN ZERO.

Zero: What?

Me: DISCLAIMER PREASE.

Zero: -_- Totoro504 does not own Vampire Knight. It belongs strictly to Matsuri Hino.

Chapter Seven:

Stalking

Aidou should have known better than to tell Miki to look at him more than Shiki. He really should have. Oh she abode to his side of the agreement all right. But damn, she looked at him so much, too much, he was beginning to get creeped out by a mere human (suspected of being werewolf). Everywhere he went, he always felt eyes watching him: In school, showering, eating, sleeping, morning time—when the girl was supposed to be in class. Dark bags were beginning to form under his beautiful crystal blue eyes and he was getting ticked off by the constant Miki Stalker! As Aidou now dubbed her politely. Well, not so politely because she was watching him every second.

Kain smirked, glancing at his cousin haughtily. "Starting to regret telling her to look at your more now huh?" he asked, arrogantly. He did warn him. But noooooo. Aidou swore under his breath, feeling the need to punch the orange-haired male's throat violently. That would just be so uncivilized of him, and his nobility pride would not allow him to resort to violence…yet. Nobility pride can fuck itself when the time comes.

"Shut up," Aidou growled, stuffing his dirty shirt into the laundry basket. He sniffed. Ugh, it had smelled like sweat and…Why does it smell like fucking noodles? Oh crap…WHAT IF MIKI HAD SNUCK INTO HIS ROOM AND STOLE HIS CLOTHES AND THREW IT IN A BOILING POT OF RAMEN?

The blonde's thoughts were rudely interrupted by Kain's, "I told you so."

He scowled. "I told you so—shut up Akatsuki! No one asked for your damn opinions."

"It doesn't matter if anyone asked for my opinions. I can express it anyway since I have the freedom to." And here comes the politics. "In Japan's government, you have the right to—"

"OI! RUKA! Your potential boyfriend snuck into your room yesterday and tried to steal your panties! It was the lacy pink one by the way. Your favorite."

The mahogany door to their expensive room slammed open, the doorknob hitting the wall and bouncing off a bit. The strawberry blonde woman screamed, "WHAT?"

Kain stared at the livid vampire with a blank expression. "I did no such thing. And the supposedly favorite one you're wearing, would be under Hanabusa's bed. I checked yesterday when I tried cleaning it for him."

Ruka's face had taken a bright shade of red, and she marched over to Aidou's bed and looked beneath it. Indeed, there laid that one single undergarment under his bed mixed in with tons of random junk that Kaname had either touched or wanted to throw away. She swiped it quickly and threw a scathing look at the calm blonde. "Why is my undergarment underneath your bed?" she exclaimed, jabbing a finger in his direction.

"I just needed it in case Akatsuki broke out into his politics rant."

"…Again?"

"Mmhmm."

Ruka had eased up, and seemed understanding, nodding in approvement. "Fine. You're off this time. But steal someone else's stuff instead of mine to get out of Kain's stupid speech!"

"Hey! My politics rant isn't that bad."

Cue, the flat expression.

"…You know, there was this one time when the Shinsengumi had existed," Kain began, and then blinking repeatedly when Ruka and Aidou walked out the room together hurriedly. "I can't be that boring."

Kaname was merely passing by to deliver some papers to Ichijou when he overheard Kain's comments from outside. He peered in, and with a delightful smile, said," You are."

"…Thanks Kaname-sama."

"You welcome."

There was just something strange that she could not fathom. Aidou had been acting so very…well, different. Which was beginning to contradict the fanfic's title. Miki leaned back in her chair and grumbled incoherent words—annoyed. Had he been hit in the head or something? "First he tells me to look at him more than Shiki, and then he ignores me when he told me to meet up with him tomorrow. It's been like three weeks! Hell, he doesn't even say hit to me anymore!"

"Didn't he used to do that before?" Yakama snorted, scribbling in her pink diary.

"Yeah. But that was before we were friends!"

"Maybe he doesn't want to be you friend anymore?"

"That's preposterous! I'm so cool, there's no way he doesn't want not to be my friend! Without me, he'll be lonely and bored!" Miki exclaimed, thrusting her hand up in a fist pump.

"You have a huge ego. Perhaps that's why he doesn't want to be your friend anymore. Plus, you are really mean to him."

"I'm not mean."

"Yes you are! You're always mocking him!"

"It's funny!"

"No it's not. It's just downright horrible and crude." Yakama glared at her, and put her diary aside. "Aidou probably got tired of putting up with your crap. That's why he doesn't want to be near you anymore."

"…Now that's not funny. That's a horrible joke mate."

"That wasn't a joke. That was a suggestion."

"Well it wasn't a very funny suggestion," Miki murmured, frowning. Secretly, she could feel herself agreeing with Yakama. "I don't think Aidou would want to avoid me just because I'm mean. I know I can be a dick, but still I can't be that bad, right?"

"You sold half naked pictures of him in the shower to rabid fan girls. They scanned those pictures and posted it online. The government got involved at one point because it was considered child pornography since he's "under eighteen". Didn't expect the pictures to become a hit online huh? This is why I think he has a valid reason to avoid you."

"…He does but…"

Yakama rolled her eyes. "And you still have a but."

"Oh come on! But we're friends! Friends do these type of things!"

"Do what? Torture each other?"

"It's just a banter!"

There was a silence that passed between them, and Yakama had long forgotten about the diary she left besides her bed. The bed that Miki was currently sitting on, pretending to be nervous when in fact, she was actually reading through the page of the day—trying to contain a snicker when she saw Kain's name written in it about twenty times. Yakama interrupted. "Hey. You actually tease Aidou-senpai a lot more than you do for anybody. Is it possible that you could be developing feelings for him like in those cliché stories you read online?"

Miki blinked, and then chortled with delight. "Haha! Hell naw! As if I have a crush on Aidou! LOL—I mean laugh out loud. Or should I say: ROFL! OMG! LOLOLOLOLOL! Besides, I think he's the one that has issues in our friendship. In fact, I'M STARTING TO HATE HIM. EVERYTHING IS HIS FAULT." Partially his fault, but who was actually keeping count?

"Shut up before I find a cliff, climb it, and then throw you off of it."

"Fine. UGH! RUDE PEOPLE THESE DAYS!"

"You're the rude….Are you reading my diary?"

"Of course."

"YOU'RE READING MY DIARY!"

"I just admitted it like, a second ago—"

"YOU WERE READING MY FUCKING DIARY!"

"I KNOW."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Miki tried distracting her anger by pointing out something that would normally make any girls cry. "For a girl, you have extremely hairy legs. Did you know that? Usually, most Japanese people don't have hair. But you're like, a dog. Does that mean you like to do it doggy style?"

"…I don't like razors…" Yakama muttered, anger disappearing immediately.

"Oh…Want to tell me why? I promise I will (try) to keep it a secret." Unless someone paid her a lot of money for it.

"My tongue got stuck in a razor."

"How?"

"I was trying to shave my taste buds off."

"…"

"I WAS ONLY SIX! I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER!"

"Hey, you remember that time you told me to take those chopsticks and shove it up my booty hole?" Miki said randomly, with a blank expression. She stared at the diary with expressionless eyes still, trying to read the scribbles. (It was a wonder why Yakama hadn't put it away when Miki admitted to looking through her privacy a few minutes ago.)

"What about it?"

"I did it."

"….What?"

"It really hurt."

"Is it…still up there?"

"Yep." She popped the 'p' sound making the 'peh!' sound.

"You are fucking stupid."

"Thanks. But seriously, will you be the donut to my banana?"

"...Okay."

The fake blonde suddenly erupted into a scream, "THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR SHITTY PAST WITH THE RAZOR BLADE!"

"Wait a minute, what?"

"IT WAS POINTLESS! POINTLESS LIKE THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION! POINTLESS LIKE THE ENTIRE STORY TO OUR OWN LIVES! POINTLESS LIKE THIS ENTIRE RANT! POINTLESS LIKE A DAMN PENCIL I NEED FOR AN EXAM! IT'S ONLY GOOD IN THE BEGINNING UNTIL IT STARTS APPROACHING TO THE MIDDLE OF THE…THE…The…"

"Point?"

"YEAH. POINT. POINTLESS. JUST. FUCKING. POINTLESS."

Yakama had a crestfallen look and she retracted into a corner, a dark aura emitting from her. "What are you trying to say?"

"Me? Oh, I really have nothing to say."

"Why?"

"I just wanted to break the fourth wall."

"KAIN! KAIN!" Miki ran up to the orange-haired male energetically, ramming her muscular (yet feminine) shoulders into his chest. The vampire inhaled sharply and fell back on the ground, air knocked out of his lungs.

Fuck that was a hard hit, Kain thought to himself, staring at the blue sky exasperated as everyone around the vicinity began whispering. Ugh. The others would never be able to let him live this moment down. Ever. He sat up, clutching a hand near his chest as he tried to regulate his breathing. He looked up and wheezed out a, "Yes Watanabe?"

She grinned, not deterred by the pained vampire. "Can you say bitter chocolate?"

"…What?" Why was she wearing that weird snapback? And what the hell was with all the bejeweled crap on it? He furrowed his eyebrows, not comprehending the situation he put himself in (unintentionally).

"Say bitter chocolate," Miki repeated.

"Uhh…" Kain threw a glance at Kaname, and he had thrown him a casual (sadistic) smile. Awkwardly, he stated, "Bit-tuh cho-ko-rei-teh."

"Great. Now say dear my lady, burning lady."

"Dear my lady, burning lady!" Kain repeated, although it sounded like he was singing very enthusiastically. All of his fan girls squealed and passed out. Just like that.

Miki gave him a thumb's up. "Thanks dude! I just recorded you, and now I can upload it on Youtube. Or…You know, sell it to my customers for a very high price." She took off the hat and tugged on the bejeweled items to reveal it was a decorated hidden camera. "It'll become viral!"

"But wait…why did you record me?"

"Oh, it's because you sound like this guy named Jinguji Ren from Uta no Prince-sama!"

Ichijou, ever the anime lover, gasped and appeared next to her, "I love that show!"

"Oh my gosh! Same here! Who's your favorite character?" Miki asked, grabbing his hands.

"Ittoki's my favorite character!"

"MINES TOO!" They both jumped up and down together excitedly.

Kain scooted away from the two fan girls and closer to the jealous blonde. He bent down near Aidou's ear level and whispered, "Do you know what they're talking about?"

Aidou seethed, "No. But I'm going to kill Ichijou for holding her hands."

"Wait a minute…Why are you jealous? Aren't you annoyed with her for stalking you? Isn't that the reason why you have been avoiding her?"

"…So?"

"Hanabusa, you're not making any sense."

"I don't need to make sense. I'm fabulous," Aidou huffed, flipping his blonde hair flamboyantly. He made eye contact with Miki for a second, gaping when she glanced in a different direction hurriedly. "Did she…Did she just try to...I'm going to kill her," he growled.

Ruka giggled at the scene and shook her head. "He's so immature."

Shiki witnessed Miki and Aidou's behavior and snorted in delight. They're both immature and childish. They would make a cute couple, the red head thought randomly, smiling a bit. Shiki then nodded calmly to Ruka's earlier statement. "I concur."

Rima rolled her eyes. "You always do—"

"HEY KAIN!" Everyone flinched at the screech. The fake blonde's voice hurt the vampire's sensitive ears whenever she screamed.

Kain hid behind Aidou and peered over his head. "What now?"

"DO YOU PLAY BASKETBALL?"

"Hu—"

"CATCH!"

Miki pulled a ball out of her snapback magically and chucked it at his face. Automatically, Kain grabbed the back of Aidou's collar and used him as a shield. The red ball hit him in the face squarely and dropped on the ground, bouncing on the floor and back to Miki. "YOU BRAT!" Aidou exclaimed, glaring at Miki with anger. He jabbed a finger at her face irately. "You did that on purpose didn't you!"

She disregarded his comment and promptly screamed out, "AOOOMIINNEEE!" Then she threw it back at Aidou's face.

Kain intercepted and stated harshly, "The only one who can beat me, is me." Wow, he was so out of character today—first politics, then his singing, and now his basketballs.

Ichijou jumped enthusiastically and clapped, "I love Kuroko no Basuke too!"

"Silly otaku. Everyone does. Although their necks are kind of drawn weirdly…Like, have you seen the black diagonal lines and the shading? Weird shit."

"But the anime show is pretty good still compared to Prince of Tennis."

"HEY YOU SON OF A BITCH! THAT ANIME IS AWESOME. A-W-E-S-U-M!"

"I think you spelled awesome wrong."

Miki crossed her arms immediately. "Fack you. I'm pretty sure I spelled awesome correctly because my intelligence is far better than yours….JK. Haha, me being smarter than a geezer like you? Ha. I sho smartsicecicles." Ichijou and Miki then began getting into a heated debate between which anime was good or not when Ichijou commented on her IQ level because she couldn't tell which anime was nice. Aidou was secretly observing the human in silence.

Irritating. She's talking to everyone else. Everyone except for him. Aidou stalked up to her and rudely bumped his shoulders against her, stalking past Miki indignantly. Yeah, that will teach her to screw with him. Miki should be begging him for his forgiveness for watching him twenty-four-seven. He glanced back, smirking haughtily when he saw her glaring at him. She should be apologizing any minute now. "What do you want?"

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for an apology, I can tell you I don't have any sympathy. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you don't leave me alone, I'll let it be. But if you want to start things up, I will look for you. I will find you, and I will rustle your jimmies." Miki punched her fist into his shoulders rigidly and strode away coolly. "Jackass."

That wasn't the reaction Aidou had been expecting at all.

"You actually used the Tristan Barker phrase on Aidou-senpai?" Yakama asked, furrowing her eyebrows together.

"Mhmm. I thought it was brilliant." Miki threw her uniform in the hamper and threw jogging pants and a large white t-shirt on herself. She grinned cheekily. "I'm so sexay, all de boys wants mez. Probably because I'm a Mary-Sue."

"Ew. Stop."

"MY EYES CHANGES COLORS DEPENDING ON MY MOOD! MY FAKE BLONDE HAIR JUST SHINES IN THE SUN AND DDAZZLES LIKE DIAMONDS! MY SKIN IS SO FLAWLESS…AND FLAWLESS. FEELS LIKE A BABY'S BUTT! I AM SO DIFFERENT BECAUSE OF MY TALL HEIGHT TOO, COMPARED TO ALL THESE SHORT CHINKS!"

"STAHP!"

"Pfft. Fine. I'm going to go meet up with Aidou now," Miki retorted. Yakama continued screaming the word stop repeatedly, eyes closed and ears covered with the palm of her hands. "I see how that is. WHAT A GREAT FRIEND YOU ARE." Discreetly, she left the room while screaming at the top of her lungs before shutting the door. Grinning in success, she turned around and flinched in horror when she met a pair of blue eyes. "It's you…"

"Shut up and come with me." Aidou grabbed her wrist and dragged her out of the girl's dorm quickly. Had Miki not been good at sports, she would have stumbled and tripped over feet. Scratch that out. Despite the fact that the girl had been adept with physical activities, she did trip over her feet. The entire time, she let Aidou drag her out the place while the bottom of her feet dug into the ground causing the shiny floors to screech because of her unpolished sneakers.

"Hey, asshat! What are you doing?" Miki said dryly. They made it out of the dorm, and were now surrounded by trees and leaves. Oh, and a little pond was on the side. How delightful. She crossed her arms and glared at him. Aidou stared at her with a mixture of concern and confusion.

"You're angry at me," he stated.

"…Yeesssss? Annndd?" The fuck was this shit?

"Why?"

She blinked and took a step back. "What the hell do you mean by why? Why what? Why haven't I got a sex change yet? Cause I can't do that. It sounds like it hurts."

He slapped his forehead in frustration. "No you idiot! Why are you angry at me?" In all honesty, Aidou doesn't know why he's so concerned about how she feels towards him. He shouldn't be worried at all. He should be rejoicing over the fact that he got any emotion out of her that doesn't involve coming from idiocy. After all, she was the one stalking him for pure entertainment.

"Oh." Her grey colored eyes bored into his, and Aidou gulped. It just wasn't the, "OMG! I'M SO FACKING MAD AT HIM!" type of anger. Miki was downright furious. Her eyes told him a story that involved his body being buried in a desolate island after she tears his pretty face apart. "Three weeks ago, you told me to look at you more and said we should meet up the next day to plan out how we're going to get Kain and Ai together. You lied. You ditched me. Not only that, but I received no apology for being stood up. Also, you blatantly ignored me each time I made an attempt to talk to you. What kind of friend does that!"

Okay, so she did have a good reason to be mad at him. Aidou retorted snappishly, "Well, I wouldn't have ignored you if you didn't stalk me all the time! What kind of friend does that? I mean look at me! I'm getting skinnier each day, and I'm forming dark circles underneath my eyes!"

"Hold up a second! I do not stalk you! I look at you more, yeah. BUT I DON'T STALK YOU. I rather stalk Zero over you any day!" Miki shouted, waving her hands frantically. "I mean look at you! You've got chicken legs! Zero has the hot legs from running around a lot. Hot legs over chicken legs any day! AND AT LEAST HE HAS THE MYSTERIOUS AURA AROUND HIM!"

He gasped. "I do not have the chicken legs!"

"Yuh huh!"

"I'm better than Zero!"

"Your voice is annoying compared to his!"

"TAKE THAT BACK!" Aidou has pride issues, okay?

"NO! NOT UNTIL YOU TAKE BACK THE STALKING COMMENT! I AM NOT A STALKER!"

"YOU HAVE CAMERAS INSTALLED AROUND, AND IN, THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!"

"SO?"

"ARGH! Forget it!" Aidou screamed, pulling at his nice blonde hair in defeat. "It's impossible to have a decent conversation with you! I don't know why I try anymore! Talking to you is like trying to comprehend what a monkey's actions means! Even then, I can understand the monkey more than you! And the monkey is an animal for goodness sake!"

"Actually, we humans are considered animals too. Hell, we're far more intelligent, but we're still animals. At least we humans don't drink blood from each other like you weird ass vampires," Miki corrected haughtily. Oh yeah, I'm so fucking smart.

"Shut up!"

"Aidou."

"What?" he snapped impishly. Looking back at her, his jaw dropped when he saw fangs protruding from her teeth. "You…You're a…"

Miki grinned widely in response, red eyes sparkling in glee.

"I'm a fucking walrus."

Me: I just want to clarify some things: NO. She is NOT a VAMPIRE. AND YOU WILL DISCOVER WHY IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.

Aidou: When's the next chapter? Three months from now?

Me:…Perhaps….

Aidou: I knew it.

OMAKE-THAT-IS-NOT-REALLY-OMAKE-BUT-AUTHOR-NOTES-IN-STORY-FORMAT

"This chapter didn't really make any sense," Kain sighed, rubbing his forehead.

Yakama pursed her lips, her face pink in embarrassment at being next to her crush. "W-Well this is supposed to be a humorous story. Nothing is supposed to make sense I guess. It's just mainly random things poking fun at Vampire Knight for being so emo and depressing."

"That is true…I would rather put up with this than hearing that Yuuki girl screaming Zero's and Kaname-sama's name one hundred times per episode."

"But it's cute!" Yakama protested, her inner lesbian leaking out.

"And annoying," Kain added.

"…I'm breaking up with you."

Kain furrowed his eyebrows and watched her walk away. "Were we going out?"

Aidou shook his head. "Akatsuki, you know nothing about girls and love."

"You're not one to talk."

"I'm amazing."

"Liar."

"—AND THEN LIGHT YAGAMI TOLD ME I WOULD MAKE A FABULOUS KILLER!"

"Someone, shoot the author."