Chapter Thirty Five (A Pain in the Neck)

The house we live in has problems; even I notice them from time to time. Carolyn and Captain say it is because the Scared One doesn't want to fix this house even though he owns it. One day the door to the Master Suite sticks and Captain wants her to call the Scared One, but she doesn't want to. She accidentally locks herself in the bedroom but doesn't know that Captain is on the other side of the door; he can be so evil sometimes. He looks at me and I laugh. It will be our secret.

I am sitting on the stone fence as the Scared One drives up and parks his car. I bark to warn everyone that he is here, but only Captain hears me, he knows that this one named Claymore irritates me, he irritates Captain too. We watch as he goes into the house.

Claymore is in a hurry and he goes up to the Master Suite to look at the door, he complains, as usual to Carolyn. Captain doesn't like Claymore and holds the door as he tries to open it. The Scared One ends up hurtling to the balcony, too bad it wasn't off it! Like me, Captain tries not to be too delighted with Claymore's injury. Much to our dismay, the doctor says he has to stay with us! How could this happen? How can we live with him under our roof? And by the way, he looks funny without his glasses.

Carolyn is gracious and lets him stay with us. Poor Martha has to cater to the fool. He whines incessantly and is very demanding. Worse than any dog I have ever heard. Captain doesn't want him here and tells Carolyn so. They argue about it but in the end he gives in to her as he does with most things. He tells her in a stern voice how tender and kind he is and she ends up laughing at him. I'm not sure how he took it.

The Scared One feeds me so I spend some time with him. Food is always a good incentive. Captain shows up and with great restraint he tells Claymore he has talked to Carolyn and he will help to make him comfortable. Captain looks like he would rather eat nails. I know I would. Claymore demands that the Captain read him a book. Poor Captain. I feel bad for him. He is trying so hard! But inside I am laughing my butt off. Captain is just beside himself, and Claymore rings the bell trying to wake up Carolyn. Captain stops her and reads what Claymore demands though I can tell he is ready to choke him. I wish he would and put all of us out of our misery.

We play a game with a boardwalk. I do not understand it entirely, but it seems Claymore is winning. My playmates complain, Martha complains, and Carolyn comes in.

The Scared One demands even more of us as he has some of his furniture bought in to the bedroom that he is staying in. It is something called a stereo and it plays music. He turns it up and it is so loud that it startles all of us. I run away as the captain goes upstairs to take care of the problem and I cheer him on! Get rid of that annoying sound. He is so mad he throws a vase at Claymore, justifiably so. He should hit him!

The Scared One is hungry late one night and goes downstairs to make a snack, which means he is no longer sick. That makes me mad! He can go home. I want him to go home! I catch him at it and he tries to bribe me with food. I tell him he better make it good. He gives me some tidbits and I bark to let the Captain know what he is up to. Captain messes up though and Claymore slips and falls down, injuring himself again. He offers Carolyn a weak smile as she glares at him.

Claymore tells Carolyn he thinks of us as his family, in his own weird way. Carolyn isn't quite sure what to make of what he says.

Captain and Carolyn talk, and out of their line of sight, I listen. You can find out all sorts of good things by listening.

"I found him prowling around, on his feet, I told you it was a trick," Captain said.

"Well, he's not on his feet now."

"He's faking again I tell you." Captain sounds mad.

"Well, the doctor doesn't think so."

"Well, so it's a legitimate accident. For someone that appears to be in so much pain he certainly seems to be enjoying himself here."

"Yes, I think he is." Carolyn said and I could hear the compassion in her voice.

"And why not? Living here like a blasted oriental potentate, waited on hand and foot, living off you, no wonder he wants to stay here."

"I don't think that's the reason."

"What better reason could he have?"

"He's lonely."

"Claymore?" He gave a short brittle laugh. "That's another one of his tricks. He says he's lonely because it's a sure claim on your sympathy."

"He didn't say that."

"Then you have no basis for such an assumption. If he were lonely he'd tell you so." Captain is sure of himself as he says that.

"Sometimes people are lonely without admitting it, not even to themselves," she said and gave Captain a funny look.

Captain goes over and sat down beside her, studying her with an intense gaze. I think something interesting is about to happen.

"Lifelong bachelor, set in his ways, getting a little eccentric as the years pass. " I don't think she was talking about Claymore any longer.

"Madame, I do not consider myself eccentric," Captain said. When did this conversation become about him?

Finally she turns to look into his eyes. "I was talking about Claymore." Yeah right.

"Oh yes, of course." But I know they are really talking to each other, not so much about Claymore I think,

"…and suddenly he finds himself part of a family, and he likes it because he's cared for, given attention, and affection. That's why he's almost happy about his accidents."

"You're quite right about people not admitting to loneliness, and he does seem fond of the children." He gives her a very warm look.

"Oh, he cares for us all, for me, for Martha, Scruffy, even you."

"Oh, Madame, at least you might have spared me that," the Captain blusters.

"Would you like me to try to get him into a hospital?" What? She is deferring to Captain?

"Well, he's a dreadful nuisance"

"Yes, he is."

"A leech," he says and she kind of shrugs. "Oh, blast. Let the miserable barnacle stay." What? He gave in to her again? He must love her; why else would he back down all the time?

They exchange a warm look, and he knows he has made Carolyn happy. At that moment Claymore rings his bell and they stop talking in order to tend to him.

Captain shows up while Carolyn is reading to him, he looks perturbed when Claymore orders the lunch have more garlic added to it. Miserable man! I can't wait for him to leave.

At long last he is leaving, thank God! What a nuisance. He almost slips on a skateboard but the Captain moves it out of the way. Thank goodness! I couldn't take anymore of him staying here.