Author's Note: Thanks again to blucrayons. I was debating on this chapter and she helped me decide while not everyone reacts this way, some people do. Everyone deals with traumatic experiences in their own way. And this is how they deal. I hope you like it. I'm sorry if you don't.
Chapter 33: First Steps
"How's he doing?" Rose asked a while later as Sarah checked over Micky's wounds again after they had all woken up that morning.
"I'm fine," Micky answered for Sarah sitting up and moving around for emphasis. "See, I can move and everything."
"Yes, but you're still confined to that bed," Rose said with a smile.
"Really?" Micky groaned. He hated being confined to the bed. He wanted to get up and move around. And he hated the fact that the others got to shower, but he was towel washed by Sarah. Mike had been wiped down a few times with Peter and Davy's help and even he seemed to protest it. Neither of them really like being taken care of. Especially like that. "Can I at least take a shower on my own?"
"No," Rose said firmly. "You're staying in the bed."
"I'm fine, Rose," Micky said. "I'm a big boy."
"I am not risking you falling because you haven't gotten all your energy back," Rose said.
"I'll be fine," Micky argued.
"Just let him," Mike said. "You know as well as I do that he's gonna do it either way. The only way you're going to stop him is if you sit on him."
"Don't even think about it," Micky said before Rose could respond; she was looking him over as though seriously debating whether or not she would be willing to sit on him all day.
"Fine," Rose said finally," but Sarah goes with you."
"No arguments there," Micky joked smiling at the love of his life.
"Not funny," Sarah said smacking him a little but not hiding her smile very well.
"Cute," Rose smiled. "Mike, how are you feeling?"
"Good," Mike answered. "Soreness is pretty much gone."
"Good," Rose answered. "So do you think you're ready to walk on it?"
"By myself?" Mike asked.
"No, of course not," Rose smiled. "With someone on either side of you to help support the weight. But you need to try putting weight on it. At least a little. You think you're up for that?"
"I think so," Mike answered tentatively.
"You can do it, Mike," Micky encouraged.
"I'll help," Davy said jumping up from the bed he was on.
"I'm sorry, Davy, but I just don't think you should," Rose said. "It's nothing against you...it's just...you know, the height thing might make it hard for him."
"Oh," Davy said defeatedly. "Right."
"It's ok, Davy," Mike said. "You've helped me in other ways."
"I'll make sure he doesn't fall, Davy," Peter said.
"I know, I'm just…" Davy trailed off.
"What?" Micky asked.
"What is taking them so damn long?!" Davy burst angrily. "They haven't been in here in over a week and it's not that I'm complaining, it just bugs the crap out of me!"
"That's exactly why," Rose said with a heavy sigh. They had been left alone for nearly a week and a half now, with the exception that Shirley or Cole would bring them food promising it was untainted. They'd been in here nearly 2 weeks now and it was affecting Davy the most. He hated being confined, and this was worse than that. "First of all, they want us to heal before they start again. Secondly, they want us to wonder."
"Why?" Peter asked.
"Have you ever seen a cat play with a mouse before it kills it?" Sarah asked. "It's kinda like that."
"Oh," Peter said sadly. He didn't say anything else as he walked over to Mike and Rose to help Mike try and walk. Micky felt bad that Peter and Davy, who were previously unaware people like his mother even existed in the world, now had to learn how to deal with being tortured. Maybe they hadn't really been hurt physically that much, but he could see the emotional toll it was taking on their faces. Peter rarely smiled these past two weeks anymore and Davy always looked angry. Just seeing them like this was killing him.
"Let's go take that shower," Micky said trying to sound at least a little upbeat. He wasn't really sure how well it worked, but by the look on Mike's face as he started to stand on his own, probably not well. He watched Mike for a bit as Sarah helped him up of the bed for his much needed shower. Mike stood with an arm wrapped around Rose and Peter and as he put weight on his bad knee, he hissed in pain a little and fell a little forward. Peter caught him and kept him from falling completely.
"Easy does it," Rose said. "Just take it slow. Lean on us for support a little. But I want you to try and make it to the door and back a few times. Don't put all your weight on it. Just some." Mike nodded and took another step towards the door. He gritted his teeth a little in pain, but trudged forward anyway. Sarah closed the door behind them once they got in the bathroom and turned on Micky as he began to take his clothes off.
"Ok, tell me the truth," Sarah said. "How are you?"
"I told you I'm fine," Micky answered. "Doesn't hurt hardly at all anymore."
"I'm not talking about that," Sarah said. Micky sighed and sat on the toilet seat.
"I hate this," Micky admitted. "This isn't fair to them."
"I know," Sarah said. "But this isn't your fault."
"Isn't it?" Micky asked. "It's my family."
"That doesn't make it your fault," Sarah said. "You have no control over what they do."
"No, but I have control over what I do and who I involve myself in knowing who my family is and what they're capable of," Micky answered. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about this; about how if he hadn't met them, they'd all be leading normal, happy lives.
"So what are you gonna do?" Sarah asked. "Just cut yourself off from everyone and live by yourself? What kind of life is that?"
"It's not," Micky answered. "But I never said it was."
"Don't you dare think that, Micky," Sarah snapped knowing he'd been thinking about what his friends' lives would be like if he had just died a long time ago. "Death is never the answer, Micky."
"I think you know me a little too well," Micky grumbled.
"Yes, I do," Sarah said. "And it's because of that that I'm even here still. I told you that only the thought of you was what kept me from wanting to kill myself when I was here before. The thought of returning to you; seeing you again; holding you again. It's the only reason I made it through. The only reason I fought. I need you Micky. I'd be nothing without you. I'd have nothing without you. That's why I hate that you seem so willing to let yourself die. You pissed her off on purpose, Micky. I can't bear to be alone. To be without you. I'd die."
"That's not true," Micky said. "You have them now. They'll take care of you."
"Micky, it's not the same," Sarah said.
"I know it's not, but at least you'll have someone else," Micky said. "Someone to take care of you."
"I need you, Micky," Sarah said. "They need you."
"They don't need me," Micky said.
"Yes, they do," Sarah said. "You think they'd be happy and healthy if you hadn't met them? Think that through. Mike's from this hell. What makes you think he wouldn't have gotten dragged back into it even without you? She wants his baby because of his father. At least he has you to help keep him sane. And for all we know, they still would have captured Davy and Peter because of Mike. This isn't your fault. It's theirs. The minute you start thinking that, they win." Micky was silent for a while, thinking through what she'd said. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. Heather wanted Mike's child, and that had nothing to do with him. And if it weren't for him, Heather may have done more damage to Mike. They would have gotten married. And she probably would have killed him once she bore his child. Micky slowly looked up at Sarah and smiled at her.
"This is why I love you," Micky said before he wrapped his hand tight in her hair and kissed her. She moaned into the kiss as though it were lifting her spirits, too. When he released her, he leaned his forehead against hers and smiled. "No matter how dark my thoughts get, you've always been able to pull me back. Make me see reasoning. And I love you for that. Thank you."
"I love you, too, Micky," Sarah smiled and engulfed him in another kiss.
"We should take that shower now," Micky said heavily. Her kisses really did take his stress away, but it also made him hard. He wanted her, but he couldn't. She'd been raped only 2 weeks ago.
"Of course," Sarah said and pulled away reluctantly to turn the nozzle on.
"What's the matter?" Micky asked.
"Nothing," Sarah answered.
"You told me to tell the truth," Micky said. "Now it's your turn."
"I don't know, Micky," Sarah said. "It's just…"
"You really didn't want to do anything, did you?" Micky asked.
"Maybe," Sarah answered. "I'm really confused about my emotions right now. I love you and I remember the first time we truly made love and it clarified everything for me. It felt amazing to finally have control over my own body. Even this whole past month that we've snuck off and been together. They've been the most magical moments of my life and made me forget everything that happened. Just for a while, but it was enough."
"And you want that again?" Micky asked getting up to hold her tight in his arms. "Here? Now?"
"Not if you're not comfortable with it," Sarah said looking away from him. "I wasn't thinking about it, but when I kissed you, I remembered how much it helped me regain control before. I know we've both gone through hell this past two weeks, but sometimes a little bit of normal can go a long way for someone in a bleak situation. We have to cling to the normal to survive. If we don't, she wins. I know it's not ideal, but at least we could still keep some sort of that control over our bodies and that sense of normalcy in our relationship. And I want you to remember how much I love you."
"I don't need you to have sex with me to know that you love me," Micky said pulling her chin so he could look into her eyes. "I pulled away because I didn't want to hurt you. That's what its always been about with me. I feel the same way you do about the control thing. But I don't want to do anything if you're not ready for it."
"I'm ready; I'm always ready for you," Sarah said leaning up to kiss him deeply. Micky groaned a little into the kiss as she took his already unbuttoned shirt off. She pulled away from him and slowly ran her fingers over the scabbed cuts on his chest.
"I'm ok," Micky said taking her hand. He knew what Sarah was thinking; she hated that he had been hurt like that and wished that just by touching him, she could make the wounds go away. He felt the same way, but her wounds were emotional. But he figured if making love to her helped her feel normal and in control, he would do it in a second. He took her chin again and guided her mouth to his again. The kiss alone sent feelings of love through his body and the words she'd said rang even more true.
Micky started feeling a little weak from standing so long, so he pulled away long enough to take the rest of their clothes off and guide her into the shower with him. He sat down in the bottom of the tub as she straddled him. She leaned in to kiss him again and gripped between his legs. As soon as her fingers made contact, he groaned again and ran his hands down her back. He barely even felt the water hitting them as he moved his hand around to her front to slip his fingers gently inside her.
She threw her head back, arched her body, thrust her hips down into him a little more and moaned. Micky took the opportunity to lean forward a little and suck her breast gently into his mouth. He smiled when she moaned a little again and rocked her hips against his fingers. He pushed and moved his thumb in a light circle around her clit causing her to moan even more. She placed her hand on the wall behind him to keep herself from falling; she was starting to shake.
"Micky," she groaned as she tried to focus on tending to him as well. He felt himself come close to release and wanted to slow down a little.
"Sarah," Micky mumbled indicating he wanted to be inside her. She nodded and let go of him before she positioned herself to receive him. She lowered herself on top of him and they both nearly cried out in ecstasy. The thought that the others were still outside and the shower only drowned out so much was in the back of his head. He didn't want his friends to hear the two of them, but he couldn't help it much. He understood exactly how Sarah felt about it now; he loved Sarah. He could feel how much she loved him. Despite everything that was going on with them, having a sense of normalcy made everything easier to deal with. Knowing that she loved him enough to let him touch her still, to enjoy it this much, made everything bearable.
She rocked back and forth on top of him, both moaning silently. Micky brought Sarah's face down to his so he could kiss her again. He felt himself come close to coming undone again, and wanted her to come with him. He slipped one hand in between them to massage her clit again and used the other hand to caress her breast. He swallowed every moan that escaped from her lips, relishing every quiver of her body and sound she made.
Finally, they both came and she nearly screamed out his name, arching her whole body and throwing her head back. The water washed everything away as she finally collapsed on top of him, her body still slightly. Micky pulled her close and held her tight.
"I love you," Micky said.
"I love you, too," Sarah answered kissing the wounds on his chest lightly as if somehow her kisses would make them go away. He knew they wouldn't, but as long as she still loved him and craved his touch in this way, his emotional pain would at least heal.