Bucky slumped against the side of the freight elevator; he hurt from head to toe; even his scalp from that bastard at the computer room.
"Well, that was a lifetime ago."
He closed his eyes to take a pain inventory only to be hijacked by his scattered thoughts.
"Threesome?" He blurted out.
"What?" Steve was slumped against the opposite wall. Like super soldier book ends with only space between them.
"Back there you said you, Romanova and Wilson were gonna have a threesome."
"No. I never. Wait I did, didn't I, I was kidding, just trying to get a rise out of you."
Bucky smirked "A rise?"
"You know, get your attention."
"Well obviously, you got my attention. I'm asking about it now."
"I meant to get your attention back there….you know..distract you from...you know who."
"Oh. So no threesome?"
"No. no, so it worked, it got your attention, I saw you twitch kinda."
"Now it did; back there I twitched cuz you said you were gonna eat all the ice cream."
Bucky raised his head to look at Steve. To really look at Steve.
They'd been living together for the past six months, and most days, he could only see him through the haze of his own guilt and shame; weighed down by the Voice and visions of the dead. His ghosts haunted his dreams on most nights and not infrequently formed a creepy entourage in the corner of every room, never commenting but always judging. The last thirty-six hours had been a roller coaster ride of events all of which served to bring some clarity.
He wanted Steve.
He dreamed about touching him, kissing him, taking him in a dozen ways that would drive him crazy with pleasure. But he also hoped that Steve would want him back. He dreamed about that too. How it would feel to be touched and held; he wanted Steve to take him, to hold him down and do everything from sweet and gentle to rough and rude.
But he never thought it would be real, even now after finding one another again; living together, they kissed sure, sometimes Bucky's cock would get almost hard but he always thought it would never happen.
He knew he was too damaged, too crazy, too damn much baggage for anyone to ever want him like that. Too much bad had happened and now Steve knew about some of it. If he ever knew it all Bucky was sure he'd leave him. As much as he flirted and teased; left the shower door open and stood too close he knew nothing would ever happen.
He was "vulnerable" after all.
Steve felt Bucky staring at him and stared right back. He really actually looked at him. It was hard to ignore the power behind that stare.
Maybe it was thirty-six or so hours in hell, or the blood and grime, or maybe it was all that groping he'd done under the guise of faked confusion. It was hard not to laugh out loud at how Bucky had handled the intrusion in front of Natasha. No one expected that of Steve.
But that staring thing. Bucky watching him; the invitation was clear. Steve was done with backing down.
Bucky felt it too.
The shield slipped from his hand and clanged to the floor, neither of them noticed it. A strange sensation filled his belly, something close to anxiety when Steve crossed the elevator to stand inches from his chest. He sucked in a small breath when Steve's eyes dropped to his mouth then up again.
Steve inched closer, his body warm against his chest even through the Kevlar vest. He put a hand on either side of him, palms on the wall, crowding but not touching, near enough to send heat through Bucky's bare arm. His eyes darted to Steve's hand, then to his lips, then back to his eyes.
He sucked in a breath again and stuttered out a tenuous whisper "I…. hear….voices."
Steve looked confused then resolved, he murmured "I know, I don't care...as long as you hear my voice too." He leaned in slowly, his eyes half closed, a kiss being brought in.
Bucky stammered "I see...ghosts," as he turned his head away from the kiss.
Steve pulled back only by a breath, "I know….as long as you still see me." He moved closer again.
Their lips brushing before Bucky protested in barely a whisper against Steve's mouth "I killed people...I did bad things...I don't deserve this."
Steve sighed as he pressed his forehead against Bucky's "I don't care, you deserve this. We both do." Bucky started to say "I'm a bad..." but Steve's mouth covered his words and took them away.
Bucky let Steve in; the kiss was hard and hungry; all mouth and tongue driving into his mouth, taking from him what he was more than ready to give up. He kissed Steve back matching his hunger; taking what he'd dreamed about for years.
Steve's hands moved from the wall to Bucky's skin, one hand on his arm, pinning him in place, tightening his grip, fingers dug into his bicep, a thumb pressed deep into the muscle, tightly holding him, a flash of the pain from their real fights sent a burning sensation through his body.
Steve's other hand wrapped around his throat, fingers caught up in his hair, pulling lightly, a thumb stroking along his jaw, his grip holding him in place, pulling a gasp for air when they briefly parted mouths to breathe.
The ding of the elevator being summoned barely startled them. Two hands swung out towards the emergency stop button, one flesh, one metal. The elevator jolted to a stop. Their kiss was never interrupted.
Bucky had wanted this for so long he couldn't remember anything else. Even when they were kids, he'd have wet dreams about Steve; jerk off thinking about the curve of his ass, the slope of his neck, he'd imagine how it would feel to pull at his cock. He'd finger himself and think about Steve; coming silently in the bed at night while he slept curled against his back, never knowing he was the heart of Bucky's dreams.
Bucky stood pressed back against the wall letting Steve have whatever he wanted. But now he wanted something for himself. His flesh hand fumbled along Steve's body, he stroked his arm, then dropped to his chest, moved to his shoulder, up to his neck, searching desperately for the skin his fingers craved, contact with his flesh somewhere on his body.
He was covered in uniform, Bucky whined in frustration. Steve groaned at Bucky's whine and pressed his hips hard between his legs driving the whine into a gasp from the intensity of that push.
Bucky pulled out of the kiss enough to pant "What the hell are you wearing?"
Steve let out a gravelly laugh and dragged his tongue along Bucky's lips as he led his hand to the zipper hidden on the right shoulder. He bit his lip, pulling away enough to let him tug the zipper down across his chest. Bucky sucked in a breath as the top fell open, he shoved his hands under the cloth and pushed it off Steve's shoulders. His head fell back against the wall, his breath ragged and gasping, he fisted his fingers in the t-shirt and pulled it over his head.
His flesh fingers dug into Steve's shoulder, dragged across his chest, brushed circles around his nipples. Bucky moaned at the breathy noises his fingers drew from him. Steve pushed in again hungry and invading to kiss him deeper with every touch and aching moan.
Steve found the zipper on the Kevlar vest and quickly, roughly tugged it off of Bucky. He palmed his hands on his breasts, squeezed at the flesh and dragged his fingers down across his belly. The feel of his skin beneath his hands sent hot shivers through his senses. He dipped his fingers below the waist of Bucky's pants, careful to avoid the bandaged stab wound, he flipped open the button. He kept his mouth on Bucky's, his tongue deep, their skin pressed hard against one another; he pushed the zipper down and slipped both hands into his pants to start tugging them down.
His cock throbbed with the sensation of his fingers pressed deep against Bucky's hips, his thumbs exploring the base of his cock, then tenuously daring to stroke along its length; he moaned when he heard Bucky's whine and felt him shiver from the intimate touch. He palmed his hand along the shaft and wrapped his fingers around its length. He could feel Bucky's knees drop out from under him; Steve drove his knees between his legs to hold him in place and slowly started to rhythmically move his hand along Bucky's cock.
Bucky's mind lost all sense of time or color...everything went white. The sensation of Steve's hand on his cock sent heated uncontrolled shudders coursing through every artery and vein. His body was starved for touch, desperate for Steve's hands to hold him down; pin him to the wall, take him in every way possible.
He searched for the opening on Steve's pants, pulled at the button, tugged at the zipper; his flesh hand struggled to pull his cock free; his metal hand held tight to Steve's hip.
Steve pulled back from the consuming kiss "I got it." He pulled himself free; then lifted Bucky's head to look at him. "It's OK you know." He bit his earlobe.
Bucky moaned at the bite but looked uncertain.
Steve whispered against his cheek. "It's OK to touch me. I want you to touch me." He licked his jaw.
Bucky reached to caress his cock with his flesh hand. "That's good." He murmured, "But I mean this hand." Steve wrapped his fingers around Bucky's metal wrist and dragged his tongue along the inner surface.
Bucky's knees failed again, his eyes closed, as he panted through the overwhelming sensations.
Steve brought the metal hand down towards his cock, and whispered: "I know you can feel with it." He bit at Bucky's chest. "I want all of you, Buck." He dragged his tongue across his nipples. "I want every part of you." He sucked and bit his nipples; then moved his hips into the tightness of Bucky's metal fist, groaning softly with every thrust.
Bucky had to let go; the fear of hurting Steve, mixed with flashes of what kind of destruction his fist was capable of, wouldn't let him keep going. He was grateful Steve trusted him enough to let him hold him even briefly.
He squirmed against Steve's pressure holding him in place, but Steve wouldn't have it; he roughly pushed his legs further apart and kept him pinned with one hand on his chest; his other hand working back and forth on Bucky's cock, bringing a whine again at the pulsing pressure; the precum leaking in a way he had no idea was even possible. Steve's hand moved from his chest to his hip, then slid across the tender point to send shivers through Bucky before caressing his ass then pushing his pants down further. He kneaded his fingers deep into the muscles; pulled his hips forward against his own, slid his hand down his thigh then one finger found its way to his hole. Bucky gasped into Steve's mouth.
The sensation of that finger's pressing careful but insistent contact sent him over the edge. Steve owned him in that moment, no going back, he was done for. He bit Steve's lip, licked at his mouth, hungry and desperate to be possessed by him. His flesh hand wrapped around Steve's neck tugging him deeper into their kiss; he shuddered and gasped "No..no...I"m not..." He spilled his hot come all over Steve's hand as he pumped hard to push him through it. Bucky groaned from the pleasure and the disappointment that it was over.
Steve kept fingering his hole even after he came; making little excursions deeper, watching Bucky's quivering expressions.
Bucky suddenly rolled to press Steve's back to the wall. He rubbed his body against him, dragged the flesh of their chests together. He looked down at the sight of their cocks pressed close.
He slid down Steve's body until his mouth was level with his cock. Steve sucked in a ragged breath as Bucky took him down. Licking along the shaft, flicking his tongue at the tip; licking away the precum.
Steve fisted his hands in his hair and held on tight as Bucky filled his mouth with his cock. He pushed gently into his mouth, letting the wet warmth engulf him; it didn't take long for him to come.
He pulled at Bucky's hair to warn him but he held tight to Steve's ass, catching it all, then holding onto him as he slid down the wall; both of them exhausted, raggedly breathing, wrapped around one another. Bucky curled between Steve's legs, his head nestled on his bare belly. Steve continued to gently finger Bucky's ass. Their panting breaths slowly settled.
The elevator phone rang. Steve stretched to answer it. "Ah, yeah, hi."
"You boys OK in there? You need us to rescue you?"
"Nope. We're fine. Just a….malfunction. Should be there in a few minutes."
He dropped the phone and wrapped his arms and legs around Bucky.
"I'm sorry, Buck I wanted our first time to be….different...better." Steve ran his hands over the contours of his back, traced the muscles; skimmed a light finger over the scars along his shoulder. Laid kisses on the metal shoulder, hoping he could feel them.
"This was pretty great. Steve." Bucky's voice was muffled against his belly. He breathed in deeply trying to memorize his scent. Just in case.
"Not in a freight elevator, what the hell was I thinking."
"That you wanted me. I wanted you. That's all that matters."
They were all on the quinjet finally. Cassie and her crew were tending to Sam's belly. Bucky once again refused any medical care.
"You're so damn stubborn." Natasha hissed.
He and Steve sat in opposite seats. Staring at one another.
In a raspy low voice, Bucky murmured "I want to do it again."
Bucky's eyes were locked on Steve's with laser precision.
"You are a masochist, Barnes, no fucking way." Sam blurted out. "That's it, I'm sayin' it...you are insane. You nearly got killed and/or captured down there and now you're saying 'let's do it again' He added in a high pitched whiney voice.
Steve was staring right back at Bucky...the same laser-like stare; intense, meaningful. So meaningful. Natasha looked from one to the other and back again. "Sam. Sam. It's OK." She patted him on the thigh and whispered: "He is not talking about the tunnels."
"Not the tunnels?"
"Nope. Not the tunnels."
She squeezed his thigh and winked.
Steve smiled.