Four-given chapter 13

Chapter of Insurgent (the actual book): 13 (wow that's unlucky...)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Divergent trilogy or any of the characters

I watch as Tris rises from the chair. She stops, straightening herself out, and then wobbles over to me and Christina, and while I refuse to make eye contact, Christina looks right at her, eyes wet with tears.

"Christina," Tris says. "He had a gun. He was about to shoot me. He was under the simulation."

"You killed him," Christina whispers, eyes wide, and then she turns away, holding hands with a young girl that can only be her sister.

I hear another voice tear through the crowd. "You okay?" Uriah asks, putting his hand on Tris's shoulder.

"Yeah," Tris says quietly.

"Hey," he says, squeezing her shoulder and causing a flare of unwarranted jealousy in my spine. "You did what you had to do, right? To save us from being Erudite slaves. She'll see that eventually. When the grief fades."

I suppose Uriah is right, but she could have shot him in the knee. Or the foot. If only I had known that was Will.

I stand uncomfortably next to Tris, teetering from foot to foot, feeling tension radiate off of her.

"I got our weapons back," I say stiffly, handing her the knife.

She puts it in her pocket without looking up at me. I just wish she would look up at me.

"We can talk about it tomorrow," I say quietly, and she tenses further.

"Okay," she whispers.

I put my arm stiffly around her shoulders, trying not to feel angry with her. Her hand finds its way to my hip, pulling me next to her. We go up the elevator and into a crowded hallway, and I pull two cots together, and we lie down and go to sleep.

And when I wake up, Tris is gone.

When she finally comes back, we stand alone in the elevator.

"You didn't tell me," I say. "Why not?"

"Because I didn't…" she shakes her head. "I didn't know how to."

I scowl. "It's pretty easy, Tris."

"Oh yeah," she says, nodding sarcastically. "It's so easy. All I have to do is go up to you and say, 'By the way, I shot Will, and now guilt is ripping me to shreds, but what's for breakfast?' Right? Right?" Suddenly, she begins to cry. "Why don't you try killing one of your best friends and then dealing with the consequences?"

I put my hand softly on her shoulder. "Tris," I say gently. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't pretend that I understand. I just meant that… I wish you trusted me enough to tell me things like that. I mean, I had to find out that you almost drowned in a water tank from Caleb. Doesn't that seem a little strange to you?"

Suddenly, I see anger flash in her eyes. Damn it, what now?

"Other thing seem stranger," she spits. "Like finding out that your boyfriend's supposedly dead mother is still alive by seeing her in person. Or overhearing his plans to ally with the factionless, but he never tells you about. That seems a little strange to me."

I pull my hand from her shoulder.

"Don't pretend this is only my problem," Tris says. "If I don't trust you, you don't trust me either."

"I thought we would get to those things eventually," I say, regretting the words as soon as they leave my lips. "Do I have to tell you everything right away?"

"God, Four!" she snaps. "You don't want to have to tell me everything right away, but I have to tell you everything right away? Can't you see how stupid that is?"

I feel the nickname like a knife.

"First of all, don't use that name like a weapon against me," I say, pointing at her. "Second, I was not making plans to ally with the factionless; I was just thinking it over. If I had made a decision, I would have said something to you. And third, it would be different if you had actually intended to tell me about Will at some point, but it's obvious you didn't."

"I did tell you about Will!" she says. "That wasn't the truth serum; it was me. I said it because I chose to."

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I was aware. Under the serum. I could have lied; I could have kept it from you. But I didn't, because I thought you deserved to know the truth," she sptis.

I feel fire rise in my cheeks as I scowl angrily. "What a way to tell me!" I roar. "In front of over a hundred people! How intimate!"

"Oh, so it's not enough that I told you; it has to be in the right setting?" she asks, raising her eyebrows. "Next time should I brew some tea and make sure the lighting is right, too?"

I let out a frustrated grunt, feeling small tears running down my cheeks and turning around. When I turn back, she recoils, probably at my still tear-stained cheeks. I don't know if she's ever seen me cry before. I don't usually let people in like I did with Tris. No one, not even Marcus knew me well enough to hurt me and have the wounds sting deep.

"Sometimes," I say quietly, "it isn't easy to be with you, Tris." I look away.

I suppose I know how to hurt her, too.

"I'm sorry," she says, no anger in her voice. "I should have been honest with you."

I want to forgive her. I want this to end. But what if this happens again? What if she hurts someone else, or worse, what if she hurts herself and she doesn't have the strength to tell me?

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"What else do you want me to say?" she asks.

I shake my head, closing my eyes to keep the tears from spilling over. "Nothing, Tris. Nothing."

I stand up and walk away. And I can't help but feel that half of me has been taken away from me.