A/N: Okay, so please let me say that it's been forever since I last updated and I am really sorry that it's taken me so long to do so. First of all, I'd like to thank you all for your wonderful comments and support. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to write something different and have it be so well received. Unfortunately I haven't been able to update this story as nearly as I'd like because of other responsibilities that I have. If you've been wondering why it's taken me so long, it is mainly because school started up again, and I have just been buried under tons of reading and homework. In the last couple of weeks I've realized that one thing you shouldn't do if you ever want to have any free time, is take two lab sciences at once. With that being said, I want to make it clear that I fully intend to keep on going with this story. It just may take me longer than what is typical to update, but I promise that I will give it my best effort. I've been slowly chugging away at this chapter in-between classes, and I will continue to do so. And so...since you've waited so patiently...your reward is below! Happy reading everyone!
Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You
Chapter 4: Wait...
Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!
Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle has already come to a revelation that this gesture is a sign of the purest love.
Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)
(Castle's POV)
Minutes passed, and a very exhausted Castle fell into an uneasy sleep, covered under a thin layer of blanket of dirt and leaves. The cold raked his body with violent shivers as he was seemingly catapulted from one nightmare to the next. They were all very vivid and even though he tried to wake, he went through them all, never fully able to grasp onto consciousness. Finally, when the cold became too much, Castle jolted awake, his teeth chattering uncontrollably. He coughed, as he sat up, his ribs throbbing at his side with every movement. He listened carefully to the silence around him, trying to make sense of his surroundings. The sun was already dipping in the sky, causing Castle to curse under his breath. He was still miles away from where he needed to be and he had no chance of navigating his way through the dark. He could imagine that Jordan would be worried about him. Slowly he stood up, wrapping his arms around himself. It was brutally cold. And even though, Castle was still exhausted, he knew the best way to keep himself from freezing to death would be to keep moving. Slowly he pulled the GPS from his belt and hit the power switch. He held his breath as he waited for it to turn on. He feared that the water might have ruined the instrument. Luckily, with a beep it turned on. He watched the display. Jordan must have plugged in the coordinates before hand. With a small ping, the compass pointed him in a single direction. Castle took a deep breath and started moving.
(Jordan's POV)
Jordan Shaw was completely used to working under pressure. She was good at adapting to less than optimum situations when it was warranted. After all, she could get inside the head of some of the worst scum imaginable and she could figure out what they were going to do before they even decided their next course of action. More importantly, she could hold her own when she was tied to a chair, and had a gun was pressing into her temple. She had cheek, wit, bravery, and perseverance to aid her. Needless to say, there were many situations that she was able to get herself out of. This one, however, this was not one of them.
She found herself pacing anxiously back and forth, peaking through the blinds as the sun fell through the sky. She had no idea what to do. Castle could be anywhere, lying in the dirt. He could be injured. There was even the possibility that he hadn't made it out of the back of the SUV. Jordan couldn't wait any longer. It was time to make the call.
(Kate's POV)
A shiver ran up Kate's spine as she walked briskly into the alley behind Castle's apartment. Quickly she moved for the fire escape at a near run. With each deep breath, moisture was expelled from her lungs and into the cold air. With her coat wrapped tightly around her shoulders, Kate jumped upwards, her strong muscular calves catapulting her high into the air. Using gloved hands, she grasped and pulled down the ladder towards the ground. She held her breath as the rusty metal squeaked. Then made quick work of climbing up, her black duffel draped over her shoulder. Slowly, she scaled the fire escape, climbing quickly to the fourth floor. She tapped on the window with her knuckles, rattling the pane of glass. Before Kate could knock again, the window slid open and Kate clambered into Alexis' bedroom.
"Hey," Kate pulled Alexis into a tight hug.
"Hey," Alexis breathed into Kate's shoulder. "I'm glad you're safe."
"Thanks," Kate spoke as she released the young red head. "I am too."
"How is he?" Alexis spoke anxiously, as she pulled the strap of the duffel over Kate's head effectively relieving her of the bag. Kate slipped off her gloves, stuffing them into one of the pockets as Alexis set it down on the floor.
"Well," Kate looked at her watch. "He should be well on his way to Portland by now," Kate breathed. "He looked fine, Alexis." Kate saw tears well in the young girl's eyes. "He kept asking about you. He wanted me to make sure to tell that you he loves you, and that as soon as this is all over, he'll be home."
Alexis nodded, wiping her eyes with the backs of her hand, as Kate pulled her in for another embrace. "Thank you," Alexis whispered in a soft cry as Kate wrapped her arms tightly around the young girl she had grown to love so much over the past few years. "Thank you for everything."
"I just wish I could make it all go away," Kate breathed honestly. Alexis nodded against Kate, holding her tighter still. The detective winced as her side was jostled slightly in the embrace.
"You okay?" Alexis asked in concern as she pulled away, noticing the way Kate's jaw was locked tightly.
"Yeah," Kate nodded, "It's nothing. Just a scratch."
"You sure you're okay?" Alexis asked, knowing Kate would downplay any of her greater injuries.
"Fine," Kate replied. Alexis opened her mouth in a rebuttal, but Kate beat her to it. "Promise," she added. Alexis, giving up on the matter merely nodded.
"Alright," Kate said quickly, "Well I should probably go change. My guess is that you'll have some company within the next few minutes."
"Did anyone seem to notice you?" Alexis asked softly.
"No," Kate replied. "I was careful to make sure I wasn't seen." Alexis nodded. Kate grabbed the necessary clothes and headed for the bathroom. Quickly she changed into a casual looking outfit, a pair of tight faded jeans and a sweater. She walked quickly back to Alexis' room, stuffing the black outfit she had been wearing into the main pocket.
"We should probably get rid of this," Alexis spoke as she picked up the bag. "Just in case." Kate nodded. Together they walked for the study, where they knew they would be able to hide it easily. Carefully, they pushed aside one of the bookcases and opened up the wall paneling. Inside was a panic room that didn't show up on the floor plan of the apartment. Castle had no real use for it, but the child in him wanted to have one anyways. And so there it was, the perfect hiding place. Even the most observant intruder could look over the entire room inch by inch and still miss the crack in the paneling around the walls.
"Did anyone call while I was gone?" Kate asked anxiously.
"Nope. Everything went as we planned it. Grams made the calls from your phone at the specified times." Alexis paused, reaching into her pocket. "Which reminds me. You would probably like your phone back, wouldn't you?" Alexis held out the small razor and Kate accepted the item gratefully..." Alexis took the moment to continue. "Now that you're here, everything should be easy. As far as any of us are concerned, you've been here for the last few hours, and there is no way that anyone can prove otherwise."
"Good. That's just what I needed to hear," Kate smiled as Alexis resealed the paneling. With a grunt, the two of them restored the bookcase to its original place. They were careful to rid the rug it slid over of scuffmarks. "It's nice to have things actually work out for once. Especially when there were so many ways in which things could have gone wrong." Shoulder to shoulder, Kate and Alexis hurried downstairs to the couch where a movie had been paused. Popcorn sat in a bowl by the couch along with drinks. Martha walked quickly into the room. Again, Kate was pulled into a tight hug, as Martha thanked her over and over again for her help. They all knew how big of a risk they had taken in trying to assure Castle's freedom. Together they all sat down on the couch, starting the movie. Minutes ticked by as Kate watched the classic romantic tale of Beauty and the Beast. In no time at all, Alexis fell asleep on Kate's shoulder. Kate felt her heart speed up a little in her chest. She would have been lying if she said that moments like this didn't make her wish to be a true part of Castle's family. Over the years, she had slowly become a part of their family, but still, she had nothing to bond them together other than friendship. Kate jumped a little as a knock sounded at the door.
Kate exchanged a knowing look with Martha. This had to be it. Martha nodded and stood, heading for the door, Kate stayed in place, her senses heightened dramatically.
Martha padded for the door, glancing quickly through the peephole. The red head swallowed as her eyes confirmed what she already knew. Without delay, Martha unbolted the locks and opened the door.
"Hello, officers," Martha greeted in as friendly a way as possible, "What can I do for you this evening?"
"Mrs. Rodgers?" one of the officers stepped forwards, "I'm detective Brooks. This is detective Hendricks. We're here to talk to you about your son, Richard Alexander Rodgers." Martha found herself playing the role of her life, as she made a point of looking uneasy.
"What about Richard?" Martha asked. "Is everything alright?"
"Ma'am," the younger officer cleared his throat. "When your son was on his way to sentencing, his transport was intercepted by an unknown party. We're not sure who is behind it, or why he was taken, but we want you to know that we're working on it."
"He was what?" Martha said incredulously, playing the part of the distraught mother quite well. After all, acting was her life's work.
"We were wondering if you knew of anyone who may wish him harm?" Detective Brooks asked.
"N…No," Martha shook her head, "No one would hurt my Rick. Everyone loves him." Kate stood up carefully, laying Alexis back down on the couch.
"Martha?" Kate asked worriedly, playing a part of her own. "Is everything okay?"
"They're saying that Rick is missing," Martha choked out. "He was in their custody. They were supposed to take care of him." Kate wrapped her arms around Martha as the older woman let lose and fake tears started streaming down her face.
"Shh…" Kate soothed, "I'm sure he's fine, Martha. They'll find him."
"Who are you?" Detective Hendricks asked as he looked Kate up and down. He let his eyes linger deliberately on two specific parts of her body. Kate had to push down the desire to hit the man.
"Okay. First of all, I'm going to pretend that you weren't just extremely disrespectful just now," Kate bit out as she pulled her shield from where it was clipped on her belt. "Second of all, if you must know, my name is Kate Beckett. I am a homicide detective of the NYPD and a very close friend of the family."
"Kate Beckett," one of the men repeated thoughtfully, as he searched his brain for recognition. Kate watched as the thought finally dawned on their faces. "Wait a minute, you're the one he was shadowing for that book series!"
"You're damned right I am," Kate replied, "And let me tell you, it's been the longest three years of my life…" Kate let her voice trail off as she realized they were getting bored. She silently decided that it would probably be better to just cut to the chase. "Now can I help you two officers, or can you leave us in peace?"
"Actually, we would like to ask you a few questions," Detective Brooks said, taking a step forwards, as he tried to push his way slightly inside the doorway so that they couldn't shut they couldn't shut the door on them just yet. "Would you be willing to come down to the station with us?"
"Who?" Kate asked rather incredulously, her eyes flashing, "You mean me?" The question had a bit of an underlying challenge to it. And she could only hope that her body language was as intimidating as she could make it. Unfortunately, the detectives weren't easily blocked. Seemingly unaware of who they were up against, the detectives nodded. Kate didn't even waste a breath before she replied. "Oh, hell no. You seem to be forgetting that I'm a cop, boys. I know my rights and I'm not going anywhere with you. I've done nothing wrong."
"Really," the shorter of the two replied, "Then why aren't you willing to cooperate."
"I'll answer whatever questions you want me to right here, but I am not going anywhere with you," Kate said icily.
"Fine," Brooks said in a huff, "So where were you tonight?"
"You're kidding right?" Kate asked, looking around. "Where does it look like I've been?"
"Oh. So you're staying here," Detective Brooks spoke lamely, while sounding displeased. She watched as he opened up his notepad, and started scribbling something down. "Isn't that a bit peculiar?"
"If you must know, then yes," Kate replied, "You may see it as a conflict of interest, but I promised Castle that I would take care of his family. I've been staying here since he was convicted in court on Thursday."
"And you haven't gone anywhere today?" Hendricks asked impatiently, tapping his foot. "Why do I find that hard to believe?"
"Hey," Kate already was starting to despise the men in front of her, finding them little more than arrogant and cold. "I'm not saying that I haven't gone anywhere. I just told you that I was staying here."
"Okay then," Brooks cut in, "So how about you stop beating around the bush and tell us if you went anywhere today."
"Yes," Kate nodded, "I went somewhere. I went to the store."
"When?" he asked quickly. Kate looked at her watch, taking her sweet time to reply. She was secretly enjoying this, of course. Finally, she looked up.
"Around 2'o clock." Brooks wrote it down.
"And you haven't gone anywhere since?"
"Nope," Kate stepped back, allowing them to see the television and the couch. "We've been watching movies." Kate watched as Detective Brooks' brow furrowed in displeasure, obviously not happy they couldn't find a reason to remove Kate from the apartment and drag her down to the station. She could tell that they were already gunning for her as their next target.
"I'll back that statement," Martha piped up. "She's been here all night."
"Fine," Hendricks muttered finally, tugging on Brooks' sleeve. "I guess that's it for now. You can count on us checking your alibi. If you left to go anywhere we'll find out about it. Surveillance tapes never lie."
"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," Kate replied honestly. "Now you two have a good night." She saw something flash through their eyes as she, with her intimidating body language ushered them out the door, shutting it in their faces. She knew that she had to be careful, but couldn't hold back her contempt for officers of the NYPD at the moment. As soon as the door was shut, Kate slid the locks in place and leant back against the door, expelling a deep tense breath.
"Well, I doubt that could gave gone any worse than it did," Kate spoke aloud. "Sorry, Martha. I just couldn't help myself. Can you believe those guys?" Kate huffed. "They honestly thought I wouldn't know what they were trying to do? I'm a detective, I've pulled every trick in the book, starting with intimidation tactics..."
"Well," Martha breathed, "At least we're in the clear for now." Kate nodded. Martha took a long look at the exhausted looking detective. "Oh Kate, you look like you could use some sleep. The spare room upstairs is all set up for you."
"Thanks, Martha," Kate smiled gratefully. "I really appreciate it."
"Anything for you, dear," Martha replied brushing Kate's cheek with her palm. "You're practically family, and in case you hadn't noticed, you've captured my son's heart." Kate smiled. Slowly, she walked back over to the couch. Alexis shifted in her sleep, whimpering slightly. Kate knelt down to wake her, but stopped when Martha put a hand on her shoulder.
"Let her sleep," Martha whispered, "She hasn't been sleeping much since this whole thing started." Kate swallowed painfully, brushing some strands of hair from over Alexis' eyes.
"I'll bring her upstairs," Kate said softly as she slipped her arms under the girl and lifted her up. Carefully, Kate carried her upstairs ignoring the shooting pain in her lower torso. Alexis absentmindedly wrapped an arm around Kate's neck, murmuring something into her shoulder that broke Kate's heart. The girl needed her father, and Kate could only hope that she wouldn't have to wait very long.
Alexis was supposed to be in the prime of her life. She had a bright future ahead of her, a boyfriend she loved, and more importantly, a father who always supported her. However, over the last few months, it had all been pulled out from under Alexis' own feet. The girl, who would do anything for her father, had pulled out of her first semester at Stanford as the chaos broke out back in the city. Alexis was trying to show her support for him, to make sure that he didn't feel alone, but in doing so she had paid a hefty price. Now Alexis was attending a community college, determined not to lose too much time. Kate could see the girl was unhappy, perhaps even in the midst of deep depression, and yet Alexis always forced a smile when she was around.
After Alexis, was snug under her covers, Kate walked out of the girl's room and shut the door. Kate let out a deep defeated sigh, wondering where Castle was at that very moment. She didn't know how they were going to get through it, but somehow, they had to. Numbly, Kate headed for the guest bedroom, which she pleasantly remembered was complete with a guest bath. She had stayed with Castle for an extended period after her apartment went up in a rather large fireball, and had fallen in love with the tub in Castle's guest bathroom. It was one of those victorian style tubs, that was nice and deep. Kate walked into the bathroom, anxious to take a nice long soak in the bathtub. After shutting the door, Kate walked over to the tub. She bent down, pushing down the stopper in the drain before turning on the tap. In no time at all, scalding hot water filled the tub. Slowly, Kate reached down to the hem of her shirt and pulled it slowly upwards, wincing at the pain in her midsection. Reaching behind her back, she unclasped her bra and let it slide down her arms, where she let it fall to the floor. Her jeans soon followed, falling into a pool at her feet. Kate stepped out of them. Rather unceremoniously, she slipped off her underwear and chucked them over into the small pile of clothes lying unceremoniously on the floor. Gingerly, Kate ran her fingers over the bandage covering her torso and she carefully started to peel back the medical tape. Kate squeezed her eyes shut, and gritted her teeth together. Finally, she opened her eyes, and stepped into the tub. Slowly, she lowered herself down into the water, feeling her muscles react to the warm water. With a sigh, Kate leant back into the water, closing her eyes. She hadn't even realized she had dozed off until a soft knock sounded at the door.
"Kate," Martha asked worriedly, "Are you all right in there, dear?" Kate groaned, the water swishing around the tub as she pushed herself upwards. A sharp pain in her abdomen had her moaning again. 'Kate?"
Kate pulled herself up, using her holds on either side of the tub as leverage. Carefully, she straightened up, stepping slowly out of the tub. She reached over for a towel, wrapping it around her and quickly padded for the door, opening it a crack.
"I'm fine," Kate reassured her. "Just fell asleep in the tub." Kate shifted a little and winced again. The pain in her side seemed to be getting worse. She pushed her hand over midsection, breathing shallowly.
"You sure?" Martha prodded, noting Kate's pale expression, "You look like you're not feeling very well."
"I uh…" Kate bit down on her lip, "I'm just a little tired…really." Kate took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut as she attempted to just swallow her pride and accept Martha's offer to help. Finally, she looked into Martha's eyes and asked, "Do you umm…do you have any bandages and some anti-biotic ointment?"
"Are you hurt, dear?" Martha asked, pushing the door open a little more.
"It's just a scratch," Kate lied.
"Okay. Yeah, we should have some in the master bathroom. I'll be right back," Martha spoke as she hurried away. In the meantime, Kate managed to dress in some pajamas. Martha walked back into the room, loaded with medical supplies. Lucky for Kate, Castle was somewhat accident prone, and so he had a whole cache of medical supplies. "Okay. Let's see it," Martha said finally as she ushered Kate back into the bathroom, and had Kate sit down on a stool.
"I can do it myself," Kate spoke uneasily, not sure how bad it looked.
"Nonsense," Martha dismissed Kate's protest immediately, "Let me help." Kate swallowed over the dryness in her throat and pulled up her tank slowly, exposing the angry red line running across her side. Kate tried not to wince as Martha gasped. "Oh, Kate," Martha whined as she ripped open some bandages and uncapped a bottle of disinfectant.
"It looks worse than it feels," Kate tried to reassure her. Only Kate knew she wasn't fooling anyone.
"What happened?" Martha asked as she carefully started cleaning the gruesome looking disruption of what would be otherwise flawless skin.
"A bullet got a little up close and personal with my side," Kate muttered, her breath hitching as the disinfectant met open skin. It stung like you wouldn't believe. "Ouch," Kate hissed, her hands balling into tight fists to combat the pain.
"You were lucky," Martha spoke. "I'm not sure how to do this," she admitted, "It's still bleeding. I think you might need stitches."
"Really?" Kate grimaced.
"Yeah," Martha frowned. "It's pretty deep."
"Great," Kate groaned. "I'd call Lanie, but I'm not sure if she could make it up here with raising suspicion."
"So what do you want to do?" Martha inquired.
"Uh…" Kate swallowed, mumbling to herself under her own breath. "As if things couldn't get any worse…."
"Hmm?" Martha replied, looking confused.
"Uhh… Sorry. Can you grab my phone out of the bedroom for me?" Kate asked, quietly, "I think it's on the dresser."
"Sure," Martha replied, moving from the room. In hardly a blink, the beautiful redheaded woman was sauntering into the room, with Kate's phone held tightly in her hand. Without delay, she handed off the small phone into Kate's hand. Kate found herself, scrolling through her contacts, hoping that she hadn't deleted his number yet. She felt guilty for using one of her exes like this, but she was in a very tight bind, and this was the best way to get out of it. Finally, she hit the tenth letter of the alphabet, and sure enough, there she found it. Josh. For those of you who don't know, Josh was Kate's latest ex-boyfriend. A handsome man, who wears a leather jacket, rides a motorcycle and just so happens to be a cardiologist. I mean seriously…even Kate couldn't tell you how she always found herself dating what could only be called pretty boys. Unfortunately, through no fault of his own, things hadn't worked out for Josh. Kate, who had unintentionally used the doctor as a sort of rebound after the whole Castle debacle, finally let him go after she realized that she would never truly get over the handsome mystery writer. Now, Kate could only hope that Josh had moved on, and that he forgave her enough to help her out. With a push of her thumb, the phone started ringing. Kate bit her lip as she waited for the doctor to answer.
"Hello?" a rather confused and muffled voice answered. Kate could hear a lot of loud background noise. For some reason, she couldn't think of what to say. She opened her mouth to speak, trying to figure out a way to keep this from getting too awkward. "Hello? Is someone there?"
"Uh….Josh?" Kate's quavering voice finally choked out. She heard a loud crackling sound, then some more muffled noises before Josh finally replied.
"Kate?" he sounded anxious, "Is that you?"
"Yeah," Kate swallowed, "It's me. I'm sorry for calling you this late, but I didn't know who else to call." She felt a heat creep up her neck as Josh eagerly replied.
"No…don't feel bad," Josh asserted, "it's good to hear from you." She listened as he quickly cleared his throat. "What do you need?"
"Uhh…I umm…" Kate muttered, trying to figure out what to say. Somehow she needed to enlist his help without telling him how she got shot. The fact that she was purposely avoiding the emergency room would only make things more suspicious.
"Kate," Josh's voice was suddenly worried, "Is something wrong? Are you okay?"
"Actually," Kate groaned, rubbing her hand over her face in frustration, "No. I'm not… I was umm…injured tonight, and I kind of need someone to come look at it and make sure it won't get infected."
"When you say injured…" Josh asked patiently.
"A bullet grazed me," Kate admitted reluctantly.
"What?" Josh's composed voice rose an octave. "Kate, just what the hell do you think you're doing calling me for help. You need to go to a hospital."
"No," Kate said emphatically, "It's not bad enough for that. Look, if you can't help me I'll just have to call someone else." Kate took a deep breath. "Sorry I bothered you." Kate pulled the phone away from her ear, and was about to hit the end button when Josh's voice shouted loudly over the receiver.
"No! Kate! Wait!" Slowly Kate brought the phone back to her ear. "Where are you?" Kate swallowed, knowing that Josh wouldn't like the answer.
"I'm umm…I'm at Castle's apartment," Kate breathed. She heard Josh hiss something under his breath. Needless to say, Josh was not fond of the man who stole Kate's heart.
"You're at his apartment," Josh repeated lamely. "Isn't he in prison or something?"
"Yes…or something," Kate confirmed. "I'm here with his family."
"Okay," Josh said finally, with a bit of resolve. "I'll be there as soon as I can. What's the address?" Kate rattled of the address and apartment number, grateful that it hadn't been too difficult to enlist his help.
"Thanks, Josh," Kate spoke gratefully, "I owe you one."
"I'll see you soon, Kate," Josh replied before hanging up.
The next hour passed torturously slow, Kate settled into a chair in the living room under Martha's insistence. Kate didn't know whether to feel flattered or suffocated by Martha's concern. At the very least, she thought she would humor her and let Martha keep an eye on her. After a few minutes on the couch, Kate found herself watching the news. Anxiously, she waited to hear any news regarding a missing fugitive, but the longer she watched, the more she realized that there was no story. A sigh of relief fell on her lips as she continued to flick through the channels, cycling past all the lower channels until she finally found something worth watching. She would up settling for an old movie on TCM. She was eager to try and take her mind off of what had happened earlier that night
Once Josh finally arrived, Kate found herself incredibly aware of the newfound tension between her and her ex. Luckily, Josh wasn't one to get sidetracked. In no time, Josh was directing Kate to lay down on the couch. In a daze, she watched as Josh prepared what he needed, laying out gauze, antiseptic, silver instruments, and a couple syringes. He had come armed with a small blue medical supplies bag, and Kate wondered if he had pocketed a few things from where he worked in order to help her out. Kate held her breath as she shifted, throwing one of her forearms over her arm. Josh moved deliberately as if he knew his own purpose. Kate lifted her forearm slightly, watching as he slipped on a pair of gloves. Kate felt slightly helpless. One of her strongest character traits is that she is a strong, independent individual. Anyone who knew Kate also knew that she didn't like needing help or assistance from others. Kate jumped slightly as she looked to her left to see Josh was in close proximity.
Carefully, he reached for her shirt, his hands pausing a mere couple inches from her stomach. He looked her straight in the eye, as if to ask permission. Kate nodded, bracing herself for the touch. She bit down slightly on her lip as Josh slowly lifted the fabric. She watched as his brow furrowed. It was clear he didn't like what he saw.
"Kate," Josh spoke her name softly, prodding around carefully with glove his fingers in order to make sure there wasn't any internal injury or distension, "How did this happen?"
"It was an accident," Kate muttered, turning her head away in order to avoid his puppy dog looking eyes.
"Hey, I'd appreciate it if you didn't lie to me like that, Kate," Josh commanded, "Please just tell me the truth?"
"You want the truth?" Kate repeated unhappily. She was short when she said. "Okay. Here's the truth. The truth is that I can't tell you what really happened."
"Why not?" Josh asked, wiping the long cut with antiseptic to prevent infection. Kate held her breath. "You said it was an accident. Did it happen at work?"
"Josh," Kate groaned, losing patience. "Just let it go, okay?"
"Do you realize that I'm putting my future on the line for you right now?" Josh asked. "Kate, I'm not supposed to be doing this. I took an oath. At first do no harm. We are liable to report gunshot victims who show up at the hospital to the police. By treating you outside, I'm purposely neglecting that particular responsibility." Josh took a deep steadying breath. "But I'm sure that you knew that already, didn't you?"
Kate finally relented and nodded. "Josh, I know that I owe you an explanation, but I just can't… Frankly, if this somehow comes back to bite me, you'll be better off if you don't know anything."
"Don't you trust me?" Josh asked sadly.
"I do," Kate sighed. "I don't know what to say other than the fact that I put myself in a dangerous position and reaped the consequences."
"It was for him, wasn't it?" Josh asked finally, not finding himself the least bit shy.
"Josh…" Kate gasped as a hot pain shot through her side, causing her to jump.
"Oh, god," Josh muttered quickly, trying to ease the pain, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"
"It's okay," Kate replied all too quickly, closing her eyes. She was secretly happy for a change of topic.
"You definitely need some stitches," Josh commented finally, "At least for this stretch here." Kate nodded, without opening her eyes. "I'm just going to numb the area locally and work from there." Kate kept her eyes closed, feeling the pinch as Josh slipped the needle under skin and injected a local anesthetic to numb the surrounding area. Minutes ticked by as Josh worked, carefully slipping the sting into the wound and suturing the disrupted flesh together. Kate didn't even realize she had fallen asleep until Josh gently brushed the hair from her eyes, stroking her face. Kate's eyes blinked open slowly. Josh's eyes had a soft look to them. They were like deep swirling chocolate, and very expressive.
"I'm done," Josh whispered, "I recommend you rest. I gave you a shot of pain medicine, so you'll probably sleep pretty well."
"Josh…" Kate started to speak, but fell silent as he pushed his finger to her lips.
"It's okay," Josh reassured her, "I know." Kate nodded, grateful for his understanding. Slowly he leaned forwards placing a chaste kiss to the crown of Kate's head. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself?"
"I will," Kate promised, "Martha won't let me get away with anything less." Josh nodded.
"You know, for what it's worth," Josh spoke with a certain candor, "I think he's innocent. I know that Castle would never intentionally hurt anyone. And I'm really sorry this all happened, Kate."
"Me too," Kate breathed. "Thank you," Kate smiled softly, "for saying that. I know that you've never been particularly fond of him, but it really means a lot to me to hear you say that."
"Can you really blame me for being less than fond of him?" Josh inquired, "Kate, he stole you away from me." Josh swallowed hard, "Hell, he kissed you while we were still together."
"I told you that it was to maintain our cover. Besides, It takes two, Josh," Kate said carefully, not wanting to lace his wounds with salt, but he needed to know the truth. "I kissed him back. He was there for me when I needed him to be. I got lost in my own feelings." Josh couldn't bring himself to reply to that newfound revelation, and so he settled for a nod as he tried to process what that meant.
"You were never mine, were you?" Josh seemed to grasp the notion for the first time. "You were in love with him the whole time."
"I…I tried not to be," Kate replied honestly. "Josh, I…I'm really sorry. You're a great guy. I just wasn't in the right place for a serious relationship. At least…not until I figured out some things about myself."
"I understand," Josh replied. Kate jumped slightly as Josh's pager began to go off. Josh reached down to pull it from his pocket. "911 call. I got to go."
"Okay," Kate replied, "Thanks, Josh. Really…thank you for everything."
"Anytime," Josh swallowed as he rushed to collect all his things. "If you need anything… If you spike a fever, or the pain worsens. Give me a call, okay?"
"Yeah," Kate replied rather distantly. The pain medicine was making her drowsy.
Kate was slumbering, buried deep under the duvet in the spare bedroom. The pain medicine had knocked her out cold. This had surprised her, since she had a good tolerance when it came to other things such as alcohol or allergy medicine. She could hold her own with the best of them. A woman making her way in a man's job usually had to. Kate shifted under the covers as a sweat built up on her body. Martha had cranked up the heat in the apartment, as it was freezing outside. Kate found herself thinking that perhaps the older woman had turned it up a little too high.
A Nor'easter was barreling down on top of New York, promising to bring with it freezing temperatures and possibly even a fair amount of snow. It was uncommon for New York to be hit with a storm of this magnitude so early in the season. But anyone who has ever seen its fury would tell you that Mother Nature wasn't dictated by what was common or expected.
A moan escaped from parted lips as Kate was immersed into a rather passionate dream. She was remembering the night of her and Castle's first kiss. The swell of emotions that had engulfed the two of them that night, after nearly being ripped apart from one another for a second time, led to what could only be an undeniably perfect kiss. Much like that night at the poolside, the contact was meant to be comforting. And it was. That one kiss was everything that Kate had wanted and needed for so long. It was a promise of devotion of comfort. The kiss had been a way for Castle to say that he would always be there to support and protect her. And yet, even so, it was bitter sweet. Because the fact was, that Kate was currently dating another man. And so the guilt that came later only seemed to tarnish just how perfect it was. Now, Kate wished she and Castle could have slayed their demons then instead of waiting for fate to intervene later on. If Kate had been smarter, she would have acknowledged the truth right away. She would have admitted to herself, and to Castle, that she was in love with him. She would have broken up with Josh. Unfortunately, she let the moment pass her by. And she knew now that fate could be cruel.
Kate was brought out of the moment by a shrill ringing. She looked to the apparition standing a hair's breadth from her in her dream with raised eyebrows, frustrated by the disruption of what would have otherwise been a perfect moment.
"Don't look at me," Castle teased while wriggling his eyebrows, "it's your phone. Not mine." Kate let out a gruff sigh, reaching into her pocket.
Kate rolled over in bed, groaning as she grew a little closer to conciousness. Without opening her eyes, she reached over to the bedside table, running her fingers over its surface as she tried to locate the offending source of the noise. Finally her fingers grazed something promising. A brief buzzing confirmed it was in fact was she was looking for. Carefully, she wrapped her fingers around it, pulling it towards her as she flipped it open.
"Hullo?" Kate's groggy voice sounded rough to her own ears.
"Kate?" the sound of Jordan Shaw's tentative voice had Kate waking up in a blink of her eyes.
"Jordan?" Kate asked, unsure if she were imagining things. She slowly pulled her phone away from her ear to check the display. Sure enough, the number matched the number Jordan had given her earlier. Jordan couldn't use her own phone given the situation, so she was using a pre-paid cell that couldn't be traced. Kate struggled to keep her voice composed as she spoke again. "What is it?"
"I…" Jordan ran her fingers over her eyes before pinching the bridge of her nose. How did you tell someone that the person they love most could be dead? How did you tell them that they could be freezing to death? And most of all, how did you tell them that there was nothing you could do about it? "Kate," Jordan spoke slowly, her voice thick, "It's Castle…" Jordan tried to speak quickly, knowing that Kate would be running the worst possible scenario in her head at those two words. "We had trouble getting across the border. We had to split up and I….I don't know if he made it."
"No," the single word and the sheer amount disbelief in Kate's tone told Jordan that the brunette was in denial. Kate was already entering into the five stages of grief. Often when you lose a loved one, suddenly, you first start to deny that the loss has taken place. "No…He can't be… this is some joke, right?" Kate said as tears built in her eyes. "I mean he has to be standing right next to you…goading you into telling me something happened. Right?"
"Kate," the sorrow in Jordan's voice had Kate fighting back sobs. Raw emotions were starting to overtake the usually composed brunette. "I'm so sorry."
"What… What happened?" Kate managed to choke out.
"We were flagged at customs, we tried to outrun them, but we didn't get far. We…we had to split up," Jordan explained calmly. "We drove off a shallow bridge. I don't know if he ever made it out of the car."
"I'm so sorry," Jordan breathed upon receiving silence. She found herself squeezing her eyes shut as she admitted what she knew to be the truth, "It's my fault."
"No," Kate's harsh voice breathed aloud, her heart pumping raggedly as she fought back her own tears. "It's mine. I never should have left him." Jordan's heart broke as she listened to Kate start to sob brokenly on the other end.
"Don't give up hope yet," Jordan encouraged. "Kate, he could be fine. But I felt like I had an obligation to tell you on the off chance that he's not okay."
"Where are you?" Kate asked finally, sliding out from under the covers. "I'm coming."
"Kate. No," Jordan spoke quickly.
"You cannot expect me to stay here, knowing what you just told me," Kate gritted her jaw, wiping furiously at her cheeks with her free hand.
"It would only draw attention," Jordan spoke smartly. "I promise you that I will call the second I know anything. I'm going to go try and find him."
"Jordan…" Kate's voice sounded thin and helpless. Jordan could only expect that Kate's heart felt like it had been ripped out.
"I know," Jordan, breathed, her own voice thick with feelings she couldn't confess to aloud. Guilt was one of the main ones. "I will." Kate nodded, though she realized Jordan couldn't see her. Moments later Kate was flipping her phone closed. She was already pleading with god to spare Castle because she honestly didn't know what she would do if he wasn't alive. Curling up against the headboard, with her arms wrapped around her knees, Kate waited. After a while she just felt numb. It killed her, knowing that something could have happened to him and that she couldn't do anything about it. She felt like it was her fault. And most of all she wished that she hadn't left him in the first place.
(Castle's POV)
Castle, unaware of his surroundings and the amount of time that had gone by, continued to stumble his way through the woods. His arms and legs were unbearably stiff with the cold, and his thoughts seemed to come spontaneously. He was incredibly tired, and so time seemed to pass slowly. It felt like every detail was being engrained into his mind, leaving less room for other more important things like his ability to reason or think critically. Every so often, he'd look up at the sky and watch as tiny snowflakes drifted down from the sky. He was numb. He wasn't sure what to think or how to feel. In a way, he was stuck in a sort of survival mode, where instinct takes over everything else. It took him hours to span the give miles of terrain between himself and the cabin. It was fairly dark outside when he came into sight of the cabin. No words could describe the amount of relief he felt when his eyes passed over the small, isolated cabin. Carefully, he started to stumble over countless fallen limbs and the holes in the ground that were made by burrowing hibernating mammals. With a grunt, he sank to his knees, while in sight of his goal. He barely had any energy left.
"Castle!" Jordan yelled as she caught sight of him and started sprinting over. "Rick!" Castle's body was starting to convulse in violent shivers as his body struggled to warm itself. The cold had taken over his body in a very debilitating manner.
"H-Hey," Castle tried to force out a smile, but it came across as more of a grimace. "S-sorry I'm late."
"We need to get you inside," Jordan surmised after noticing how Castle's eyes seemed to be drifting closed. Jordan moved quickly, grabbing him under his arms as she tried to pull him up from the ground. It took a couple of tries, but finally, Castle was standing again, an arm draped over Jordan's shoulders. It was a long trek the last hundred meters or so. But finally, with a valiant effort, Jordan pulled Castle across the threshold of the cabin door, shutting it and the cold air out behind them. Luckily, the space heaters were already warming the inside quite well. She would have stoked a fire in the fireplace, but feared that the smoke would serve as a beacon to anyone in the immediate area, and she suspected that there were people out looking for them.
With a grunt, Jordan dropped Castle onto the couch. Castle mumbled something under his breath as Jordan reached for the hem of Castle's damp shirt, pulling it over his head. She could guess that the situation would be a little uncomfortable for the both of them, and that Kate would probably want to hit her for touching him at all. However, realistically she had no choice. She had to act quickly. Castle was already hypothermic and getting worse by the minute as his body slowly began to shut down. Castle tried to stop her hands as they moved for the button of his jeans, but didn't have much of a fight left in him. All it took was a quick explanation and he let her continue. When the jeans were off she wrapped him tightly in several blankets, one of which was heated.
"Castle?" Jordan spoke quietly as he became still, too still. She began to tap him gently on the cheek with her palm as her other hand shook him gentle.
"What…? What is it?" Castle mumbled groggily.
"Castle," Jordan spoke in a near whisper, forcing him to look at her. "Hey. I need you to stay awake for me…" Castle opened his mouth to protest. Jordan didn't even let him get that far. "Look, I know you're tired, but it's really important. You think you can do that?" She shook him again, trying to wake him up just a little more. "I have to go make you some tea." Castle nodded.
On her way to the kitchen, Jordan moved at a near run. She was afraid to leave Castle alone for even a minute. Castle was severely hypothermic. He was exhibiting all the signs. For one thing, his lips were blue, his muscles tight and nearly immovable. His body was at the threshold of something much more serious.
Jordan quickly flipped open her throat, happy to dial Kate's number and deliver the good news. The phone picked up on the first ring.
"Jordan?" Kate's anxious tone greeted her before she could even speak.
"Yeah, it's me," Jordan spoke quickly. "He's here, Kate. And he's fine."
"Oh thank god," Kate's voice broke as tears of relief started down her cheeks. "Can I talk to him?"
"You can try," Jordan replied, "He's pretty lethargic right now."
"Is he going to be okay?" Kate asked worriedly.
"I can't say anything just yet," Jordan replied honestly, "He's severely hypothermic. He went into the water and was exposed to the cold a lot longer than I was. I'm trying to get him warmed up."
"Please…" Kate's voice was frantic. "I…I need to…talk to him."
"Of course," Jordan spoke sympathetically, knowing that Kate had to be going out of her mind. "Just give me a second. I'm in the kitchen." Jordan grabbed a mug of lukewarm tea. She had to keep it mildly warm because Castle's heart could literally stop if his body was warmed up too abruptly. Jordan found Castle staring into the opposite wall, his shivers a little less violent than before.
"Castle?" Jordan handed him the mug, "I need you to drink this. But before you do, Kate wants to talk to you." That seemed to get his attention. His heart started pounding in his chest.
"Kate?" Castle asked rather excitedly. He eagerly took the phone from Jordan.
Kate waited without breathing on the other end as she heard ruffling in the background, and then muffled voices. After what seemed like an eternity, Castle's voice sounded over the other end.
"Kate?" Castle's quavering voice asked aloud, "You there?"
"Oh thank god," Kate's own trembling voice replied. "I don't think I've ever been so relieved to hear your voice."
"Me too," Castle replied candidly.
"I just have to say this now," Kate breathed rather raggedly, "Rick, I love you." Kate squeezed her eyes shut, silently wishing that he were there to hold her and make her fears go away like he was always able to do before. "And I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure it out. I know that the timing hasn't ever worked out…but we have to find a way to make it work. We just have to."
"I… L-love you too, Kate," Castle replied just as honestly, "I've been in love with you from day one."
"Gosh, I wish I could be there with you," Kate sniffled softly. "This is so hard."
"I know," Castle choked out, "You should know that I feel the same way. We… just have to be patient, and wait for things to pan out. I know you can do it, Kate." Castle swallowed, his throat slightly constricted. "You're the best detective in New York." Castle squeezed his eyes shut, wishing more than anything he could give her a hug, hold her, and maybe even kiss her without any reservations. "What makes you so incredible, is that you always do things for the right reasons. I love you."
Kate tried to keep her emotions in check. With Castle saying such incredible things, it only made their situation that much harder to cope with.
"I've been thinking," Castle said after a long tense moment. "What if you drop a couple of clues to get them started in the right direction?"
"Are you crazy?" Kate replied quickly. "They will kill you, Castle. No way. I'm not going to lead them right to you."
"Katie, It's the best way to draw them out," Castle replied. "They obviously targeted me for a reason. Only we don't know who they are or why they did it… I'll be safe, Kate. I promise you that. If we try to do it on our own we'll never get anywhere."
"It's too risky," Kate groaned. "Castle…they killed your father."
"I know…" Castle said rather harshly. "And I'm sick of waiting around, wondering why. I want to do something about it. I'm already in serious trouble as it is. I might as well make something of it." Castle took a deep calming breath. "Please." Castle didn't want to push too far, but he had to play the card. "I have to know why. It's ripping me apart."
"I'll think about it," Kate replied finally. "But only because I know what it feels like to want answers so badly. Not knowing why my mother was killed was nearly the end of me." Kate rubbed a hand over her jaw. "Is Jordan taking good care of you?"
Castle flitted his gaze in Jordan's direction.
"Yeah," Castle swallowed, "Very much so…." Castle couldn't help himself as he added to the first part. "I'm sure she'll never admit it but she was able to fulfill one of her fantasies when she was stripping me out of my damp clothes a half an hour ago."
"Uh huh," Kate replied with slight amusement. "I'm sure Jordan enjoyed it thoroughly." Kate couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice when she added, "Cause your body is so unbelievably sexy."
"Hey," Castle pretended to be affronted. "I'll have you know that I have a smoking body that would fulfill your deepest and wildest fantasies. You're just jealous because she's already gotten further with me than you ever have." Kate moaned softly as a picture of Castle's body appeared in her mind's eye.
"True," Kate couldn't help the smile that slipped onto her lips. "But you should know that I have some serious plans for you." This time it was Castle fantasizing about Kate's body. He could imagine running his hands over her soft, heated, and muscular flesh.
"Do you now?" Castle replied, his imagination now working overtime.
"Mmhmm," Kate replied teasingly, knowing very well that it would drive him crazy. "But I recommend that if you ever want to act out your own wildest and deepest fantasies with me, that you'll tell Jordan that you're taken."
"Ah," Castle smiled, "So you are jealous!"
"No," Kate answered all too quickly. "Although I don't like the thought of some other woman running her hands over your body."
"No worries, sweetie," Castle breathed finally. "I'm all yours." Kate groaned as her phone beeped, signaling an incoming call.
"What's wrong?" Castle choked out. "You not interested?"
"No…that's not it," Kate mumbled, "Jacobs is calling. I…uh….have to go…"
"No," Castle groaned. "I don't want you to go."
"I don't want to go either," Kate replied. "Look, I'll call you back, okay?"
"Okay," Castle swallowed, "Take care of yourself, Katie."
"I will," Kate choked out. "Love you!"
"Love you too!" Castle managed to get out just before the line clicked dead. Castle let out a gruff sigh as he flipped the phone shut. With his uninjured arm he ran it raggedly over his buzz cut.
Please read and review! Like it? Hate it? Hopefully, not too many of you have given up on me!