"Why is it so fucking heavy?" Edward asked as he shoved the porta-potty with his shoulder again and again.
"Because it's got a load onboard," Emmett chuckled as he put his shoulder to it again too.
"Tell me you sealed the lid," Edward begged as they wrestled the huge plastic and metal monstrosity further up the hill and away from the cabins.
"Of course I bloody did," Emmett laughed. "Another couple of metres should do it," he suggested as both men heaved.
A good sized crowd had gathered to watch the flight of the potty but nobody volunteered to help move the thing to its final position. When it was placed just so, far enough away from the cabins so as not to cause damage, Em told Edward to call for any last bets while Emmett doubled back to retrieve his explosive of choice for the job.
Bella deliberately kept to the back of the gathered group, out of the line of sight of Edward, but she didn't take her eyes off him as he moved about the crowd, showing cash into his pockets as he went. He looked tired, she thought. If he was as wound up as she'd been for the last couple of days then she knew why and understood completely.
She felt lonely and worried about all that she'd learned and was concerned that when she did learn more she was going to feel even worse.
It was the first time she'd felt lonely in a long time. Maybe the first time as an adult even. The years spent away from her family had left her feeling adrift but the time spent away from Edward made her chest hurt and her belly ache.
Talking with her sister had allayed some of her fears but had also created a few more in their stead. If Edward was putting as much thought into the situation as she was then he must be mentally exhausted too.
Edward, acutely aware of Bella no matter where she was, spotted her at the back of the crowd for himself. Realising that she was keeping her distance on purpose he honoured that decision and did his best not to search her out with his eyes. It wasn't easy.
He was feeling lonely and adrift too. He hadn't slept well, when he'd bother to try, and knew that his attachment to Bella had already taken a great hold on him. He couldn't settle without her.
She looked as tired as he felt though she was still just as beautiful as ever to him. His body hummed at her closeness and he longed to be able to take her into his arms as he had so often lately.
He wished the hours away between now and when he'd have Whitlock's documents in his hand and could prove to Bella once and for all that his accusations were true. He dreaded having to do that, knowing how much it was going to hurt her to learn the truth on paper, but he knew that it had to be done.
If she didn't want anything to do with him after he'd proved it all to her he'd live with that. His desire for her and his need for their fledgling relationship to progress wouldn't stop him from showing her the truth even if it meant he lost the hope of a friendship with her. It was the right thing to do and it didn't matter what the consequences of being the messenger meant for himself.
When Emmett returned to the field with the box of rockets Edward was forced to give his concentration to the task and to try to put aside his thoughts of Bella.
The rockets weren't what he'd been expecting as Emmett took each one from its packaging. For a start they were much bigger than he'd thought and they didn't exactly look like the firecrackers he'd been expecting them to look like either.
They looked like weapons rather than fireworks.
"You sure about this?" he asked Emmett one last time as he donned the goggles and asbestos gloves he'd been handed.
"No worries," Emmett assured him as he too donned the goggles and gloves. "I've seen this done before." Taking the last one from its protective plastic wrapping he nodded towards the ones at Edward's feet. "Put one at each back corner," he instructed a nervous Edward as he handed him a handful of cable ties to secure them.
Edward did as he was asked and looped the ties through the mounting brackets at the bottom of each of the back corners while Emmett did the same to the front. The two 'spare' rockets Emmett tied to the brackets on opposing sides of the structure.
Taking six lengths of cord from his bag of tricks he tied one to each of the fuses on the bottom of the rockets and then plaited all six together to form a thick rope. He let off a longer piece from the spool and tied it to the end of the plait. He let out more and more as he backed away from the potty and when he'd judged the distance to be enough he snipped its end and took out a lighter from his pocket.
He asked the crowd to take a few more paces backwards and once everyone and everything was in place he lit the cord in his hand.
A collective breath was held as all eyes watched the cord go up in flames along its length. The only sound was the hiss and crackle as it burnt.
There was no way to make the rockets all ignite at exactly the same time with the simple equipment to hand, but they caught alight with only seconds in between.
Even Edward was impressed as the first rocket exploded. Thinking his roommate had finally gotten the 'dosage' right he grinned as that first rocket did its best to rock the structure. The second went off with a load pop and the potty began to rock again, more violently this time. Before it could settle back on all its feet the third and fourth rocket went off and then it was bucking wildly back and forth before it lifted off the ground and seemed to hover about half a metre from its resting place.
Thinking he was about to clean up big time with the bets Emmett grinned smugly at his roommate. He opened his mouth to gloat but whatever he was going to say was drowned out underneath the roar of rockets five and six igniting and exploding in a shower of smoke and sparks.
With the potty already off the ground the upwards momentum of the last two rockets launched that toilet into the sky so quickly nobody had time to duck or cover as it took off.
Having no actual idea how powerful the rockets were singly Emmett had only half a second to wonder how long the upward thrust would last before the potty speared off sideways as the first rocket had consumed all its energy.
He didn't have long to wait to find out.
Still a foot off the ground the toilet tipped on its side and looked like Wiley Coyote atop his Acme rocket as it sped along. It was moving so fast that the crowd began to run in all directions, nobody really knowing where the thing was going to come to stop. As it shot off along the field Emmett and Edward could only stand and stare as the final two rockets spent their last and the potty cleared the end of the cabins, took the heads off the late blooming roses in the front garden and crashed into the side a tiny little emerald green convertible in the main carpark.
The crowd ran as one towards the final resting place and a collective gasp at the damage to the vehicle rent the air as everyone neared the potty.
The smell hit noses instantly as everyone crowded around to see the damage. The mess was appalling, shit - and the chemicals used to break it down - had spewed out of the structure with such force that it formed a puddle around the car and the all but destroyed toilet housing. The side and top of the car were covered in it and as Rose came running out of the administration block to see what had happened all she could do was gape at the deep gouges in the side of her beloved car.
"What the fuck?" she wailed as she ran towards a crowd that was fast dispersing, leaving just Edward, Emmett and Bella standing beside the wreckage of both car and porta-potty.
It didn't take much convincing from Emmett to make Edward and Bella flea the area and so it was left up to him to explain to Rose exactly what he'd done.
Bella and Edward ran back towards the cabins as fast as their feet would take them. Edward felt bad leaving Emmett behind to face the wrath of Rose because he was just as responsible for the damage as his roommate was, but he was also grateful for the chance to be near Bella.
His secondary concern was facing Rose who he now knew wasn't quite what she purported to be. What exactly she was he didn't know yet, but she wasn't merely the director of the camp either. So he was grateful to not be in her presence until he knew.
He ran along behind Bella, his hands ready to catch her should she slip on the muddy ground. When they reached her cabin he stepped up under the awning with her. He was silent as she unlocked her door and as she stepped inside he opened his mouth to beg her to talk to him but closed it as his bravery fled his mind.
Instead he gave her a quick nod and made his way to his own cabin. He hadn't been in it for two whole days and was eager to shower and change his clothing.
He was also dog tired. The few moments of actual sleep he'd had on the floor in the pressing shed weren't enough to sustain him and after a boiling hot shower he collapsed gratefully into his bed. In the few minutes of consciousness he had before sleep took him over he grieved for the fledgling relationship he had with Bella to date.
Bella stood with her back to her cabin door for a long time after Edward left. She desperately wanted to talk to him, to put right what was wrong between them, but she didn't have any idea how to begin such a discussion. And so she'd let him walk away.
She knew that her sisters suggestion was a good one. She knew that she wanted Edward in her life, in any capacity that he'd allow, and that her priority right then should be putting back together their relationship. She could see the wisdom in the suggestion that she put aside any further talk of what was going on at home behind her back, but she didn't know if it was possible to repair the damage done between herself and Edward without a resolution to that part of her problem.
And so she stayed silent as he walked away.
She felt exhausted and dirty from being so near the excrement in the parking lot at the front of camp and her brain felt muddy and foggy from all the deep thinking she'd done over the course of the day. So she too took a boiling hot shower and retreated to the comfort and sanctuary of her bed.
Emmett assumed he was going to be on the end of one of Rose's rants and so he steadied himself to receive it as she ran towards him, the remains of the potty and got her first look at the damage to her car.
He steeled himself for her anger and knew that if she resorted to physical violence he'd deserve it and would take it like a man. She looked as though she might.
He watched as she circled the area. He watched her cringe at the smell and scowl at the buckled hulk of the toilet's shell. He cringed himself when she put a hand to her mouth to cover her distraught groan when she looked at the side of her vehicle.
He readied himself to plead his case and got himself ready to apologise. He had a pocket full of cash and knew that it was going to take at least half of it to pay for the toilet and the car repairs. He fingered the notes in his pocket and knew that he and Edward were still going to make a tidy profit.
As Rose finally stopped circling the impact zone and strode towards him he put his hands out in front of himself in surrender and opened his mouth to begin his apologies.
"Don't," Rose sighed as she passed right by him. "Do not open your mouth," she said quite calmly for someone who had shit all over the soles of her shoes and all over her car. "My office, ten minutes, bring your winnings," she said without turning to look at him as she went by.
How she knew he had winnings he had no idea but figured it wasn't too big a leap for her to make so he simply nodded even though she couldn't see him do it.
He watched her walk into the building. Or rather he watched her swaying ass as she walked into the building.
Their relationship, or whatever it could be called, was far from a happy one. She'd been avoiding him since the incident with the fish and his subsequent 'fight club' attempt at raising more funds to pay for those damages. She hadn't even looked at him during the trivia night and over the past two days she'd gone out of her way to be nowhere near where he was inside the camp.
To Emmett she was a good looking woman that he found both fun and easy to mess with. To Rose he was a foolish, childish trouble maker with no sense of personal responsibility for anything or anyone.
Emmett couldn't understand Rose's worry over damage to the camp and its equipment and facilities and Rose couldn't understand why Emmett didn't care about those things himself.
When Rose got to her office she blew her nose into a tissue, smoothed her hair down with a shaking hand and took in five deep breaths to calm herself before she sat at her desk and opened her laptop.
She was still watching the printer spew out its pages when Emmett knocked on her door exactly ten minutes later. She called for him to come in and when he did she offered him the seat opposite her desk. He sat in it, his head hung forward and his hands in his lap.
Rose finished what she was doing on her laptop but didn't close it before speaking. "I don't want your hollow apologies," she began crisply, "so don't bother offering me one this time."
Emmett did lift his eyes to meet hers but quickly hung his head again once he could see that she was serious.
"I don't know why you insist on fucking with me and this camp," Rose huffed. "And I don't know what your fascination for trouble is about either and right now I really don't give a shit what your excuse is going to be."
"I don't have one," Emmett mumbled.
Rose had no idea why he did the things he did. Why he found them amusing. Why he instigated trouble at every turn. He looked sorry and he looked contrite, but the reasoning behind his behaviour she couldn't fathom.
She knew ranting at him would do nothing. He'd probably been yelled at his whole life for pranks like this and it hadn't mattered to him in the least because he kept right on doing it.
She knew appealing to his sense of responsibility wouldn't work either, because Emmett didn't have one.
Rose stared at him for along minute before deciding on a totally different direction than the ranting, raving one she really wanted to take.
Berating him like a small child just wasn't going to work. Guilt was probably not something he could understand and so Rose found herself resorting to the only thing he was likely to respond to, understanding and insight.
She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and told him something personal.
"I'm going to tell you something that nobody else here knows. None of the guests that is," Rose said calmly. "My name is Rosalie Lillian Hale and I own Crossroads. I built it after being sent away to a self help camp myself. I had a nervous breakdown under the stress of final exams at high school and got into drugs and alcohol as a way to relieve that stress. Of course the partying didn't work and I ended up in rehab for three months before I was sent to a posh English camp for wayward young ladies."
"You own this place?" Emmett asked even though he knew she wasn't finished speaking yet.
"I do," she confirmed. "The camp I was sent to was a joke and I knew I could do better. So I did. The corporate side of things here pays for the private side, but you've cost me a pretty penny in your short stay here and I need it to stop."
Now Emmett understood. She'd been stressed about the damage to the toilet block and the storeroom because it was her who was going to have to pay the excess on the insurance policy, not some fat cat businessman who ran the place at a loss for taxation. It was Rose who was going to have to pay to replace the canoe he'd destroyed with dynamite and it was Rose who was going to have to pay to replace the porta-potty. Not to mention all the damage to her car this time around. This time she was going to have to go through her car insurance firm to have it repaired. She'd be up for the excess on that policy as well as the increase in her instalments for the future because she'd made a claim.
Fuck.
He'd fucked up.
Big time.
He'd hurt her and her camp and he knew it now.
"I'm so sorry..." he began but was cut off quick smart.
"I said I don't want your fucking apology," Rose hissed across the desk at him. "Look, I told you I don't know what your fucking problem is and that at this point I don't really care. What I do need from you is to put it in writing that you'll stop destroying my fucking camp!" she yelled across at him.
"Yeah, of course," he mumbled, finally ashamed of himself after years of fuck ups that meant nothing to him personally. But, for the first time, Emmett found that hurting this woman did mean something to him personally. It hurt him that he'd hurt her. "I'll sign whatever you want me to sign," he told her truthfully. "But I swear that I won't do anything stupid again."
"Forgive me for not believing your word," she said as she slid across the desk a page of typing on a Crossroads letterhead. "Read it and sign it or go home," she said simply.
His reaction wasn't what she expected, just as her reaction to his latest escapade hadn't been what Emmett had expected.
Emmett's whole body seemed to crumple in on itself in the chair. His shoulders rounded as he hung his head lower towards his chest, his hands going immediately to his eyes as he scrubbed at them. A low, rumbling sound came from deep in his throat and Rose could only look on in despair as he began to cry.
Emmett didn't cry. Ever. Or at least he hadn't since becoming an adult anyway. But the anguish he felt as he sat opposite this woman in her office flooded his system so wholly the tears sprang to his eyes without warning.
"Don't send me home," Emmett sobbed. "Please don't send me home."
Without thinking Rose left her chair and went to him. Normally she would've just sat back and waited until her guest got everything out of his system and then continued on with her business. But this, watching Emmett cry, touched her in a way she'd never experienced before. She slid into the empty chair at his side and put her hand on his shoulder. That he flinched told her how rare it was for him to accept comfort and touch and another piece of her heart melted for the big child beside her.
She let him cry. And cry he did. Great big fat tears slid from his eyes unwillingly. The harder he tried to choke them back the more they came until he was crying them into her shoulder and accepting her comfort where he should be offering his.
He'd fucked up. He'd damaged her car and her property and she was comforting him. It was all the wrong way around and that only made him cry all the harder.
Watching him fall apart tugged at Rose' heartstrings so brutally that she found herself battling tears of her own. There was just something about this guy that hit her right in the chest. A pull towards him that she'd never felt before with anyone else. He forced her to care about him. Whatever it was about him made her want to reassure him, so she did.
Her anger dissipated instantly and she found herself almost whispering. "It's okay," she cooed, uncharacteristically. "It'll be alright," she assured him. "I've got insurance and it'll all be good as new," she told him even as she thought that it should be him reassuring her that everything would be alright.
Doing his best to hold off another fresh wave of tears Emmett clung to her and willed himself to man up. "I'll pay for it all," he said through a thickened throat. With a last swipe at his eyes and a last sniff he steadied and put himself back into his own chair fully. "I'm so sorry for all of this," he began, knowing she didn't want his apology but needing to give it anyway. "I never meant to hurt you or your camp, or your car," he added at the end. "I really didn't. It was just supposed to be a bit of fun."
"I know that," Rose conceded, because she really did know that about him. "But your bits of fun are dangerous Em," she whispered, using his nickname for the first time and liking how it felt rolling off her tongue. "You could really get hurt, or hurt someone else if you keep going like this. I don't know what the attraction to blowing shit up is about but you need to stop doing it this way."
"I never mean for anything to get broken and I'd never hurt anyone on purpose," he sniffed. He hated being chastised by her again but he could accept the logic in her statement.
"I know that too," she admitted. "And this time it was just that toilet and my car that was damaged, but imagine the consequences if it had've been Edward, or Bella, that got hurt."
That's when his shakes began. Partly because he was craving alcohol and partly because the thought of hurting either of his friends was abhorrent to him. But the shakes just wouldn't subside as he sat there thinking about what she'd said. He'd never forgive himself if anything happened to anyone because of his pranks.
"I'll stop. No more explosives," he announced and meant it too.
Rose smiled then. She handed him a tissue off her desk and put her arm back around his shoulders. He flinched again but it was a lesser movement and that made Rose happy. "Can we talk a little bit about why you're here?" she asked carefully and felt him flinch again.
"Don't send me home," he begged, his whole body tensing again. "I can't go home. I'll leave if you want me to, but I can't go home."
"I won't," she assured him. "I won't make you go if you really don't want to. I won't send you home if you lay off the dangerous stuff. But this has to stop. You need to be aware of how dangerous these things are. I want to help you, but I don't know enough about you to be able to do that. Can you tell me why you're here? Please?"
Emmett felt his tears surfacing again and did his best to hold them at bay before answering. "It's pretty simple," he moaned. "I'm a fuck up, Rose. You know it, I know it and my family knows it. That's why I'm here. Because I don't fit anywhere else."
"Alright," she sighed, standing and holding her hand out for him as she did. He stared at her hand for a little while and then put his into hers. "Come on, I want to show you something," she told him as she led him out of her office.
They stopped by the front desk while Rose arranged for one of the reception girls to organise a cleanup crew for the car park and for someone to get a message to the porta-potty people to ask what to do about the damaged unit out front. She asked the girls to take messages for her if anyone called and that she didn't want to be disturbed unless it was absolutely necessary.
With that organised Rose led a shaking Emmett away from the administration block and towards her private cabin. He followed like a lost puppy, his head on his chest the whole way.
She sat him in her little living room and after a few minutes in her kitchen she put a steaming cup of hot chocolate into his hands and put one for herself on the coffee table. She left the room for a moment and when she returned she set a scrapbook onto the table beside her drink.
She could see him still shaking steadily and wondered if it was from booze withdrawal or the realisation that his life really was at a crossroads right now. Either way he had a long road to travel and she was worried that he wasn't going to want her help to traverse it. That hurt. Wondering if he'd accept her help or not. It hit her hard just how much it was going to hurt her if he denied her.
Knowing she had to try at the very least she told him to drink his drink and listen and watch as she walked him through her own private journal that documented her own steps into oblivion.
The first pages had shots of her and her school friends from better times. She was smiling and laughing in them all. Her face was shiny and clear, her eyes bright and full of life and teenage fun. Then she showed him what she'd looked like before going to rehab. It was the dullness in her eyes that shocked Em the most. The lank hair, the spotty complexion he could write off as normal hormonal teenage changes, but her eyes were so blank that he sucked in a shocked breath as she turned page after page.
She showed him her school records before and after her breakdown. She showed him the black hole that her life became because she'd tried to fit into everyone else's image of whom and what she should be.
She told him what it had felt like for her to let her parents down at every turn by not following their path into the family business. She did her best to describe how wonderful the alcohol and the drugs made her feel and the spiral to near total destruction she'd walked. She explained how she'd felt the first time she'd tried to kill herself and why. She told him all about her recovery and how and when she knew that building Crossroads was going to be her life's work. She told him how she paired up the roommates based on their life experiences and about a few of the success stories of previous campers.
She outlined some of the not so successful stays too. She told him how it felt for her to fail those guests and how it made her want to work harder every time another guest came to stay with similar problems.
She admitted to checking out his history and to trying to find out about his family and his schooling. She admitted to being disappointed that he'd been expelled from university and that she'd been at a loss as to work out why he continually put himself in situations he had to know were going to get him into serious trouble.
Emmett listened to all that she had to say and felt progressively worse as she went on. His problems seemed to pale into insignificance as she explained what her earlier life had been like. His childish acts of rebellion were pathetic when he reasoned that she'd felt badly enough about her own situation that she'd tried to kill herself.
By the time she asked him what it was he really wanted out of life Emmett was a blubbering mess. Again.
Again she held him as he cried. Again he flinched when she touched him to offer comfort.
And when he was finally spent and asleep in her lap Rose let herself give in and cry for him too.
Edward woke with a start in the middle of the night. He was drenched in sweat and the fear from his nightmare wouldn't leave him as he dragged his aching body from his bed and into yet another shower.
He'd missed dinner and his stomach hurt with cramp as he rummaged through the little kitchenette for something that resembled real food and not alcohol or a snack. Coming up empty he threw on a coat and wandered down to the quiet dining hall in search of some fruit from the chiller.
With his pockets full and a coffee in hand he gazed longingly at the light from Bella's cabin. Disappointed she wasn't outside sitting under the awning where he could see her he went and sat on his own porch.
He ate his way through the fruit and sipped at his drink while he smoke cigarette after cigarette.
He felt worse than he had the day he'd arrived. Back then all he'd had to worry about was finding some fun and a few distractions to while away his time at camp before returning home to the monotony and the drudgery of a job he didn't want and a life he hated.
Right now it felt as though his worries had doubled, or even tripled, because now he wasn't just worried for himself. Now he was concerned about Bella and Emmett too.
His roommate hadn't come back all night and his bed hadn't been slept in. The administration block was empty and dark and there was no sign of his errant friend.
Edward had no idea what the repercussions of their latest money making scheme was going to be but he knew it wasn't going to be good. Expensive at the least. Possibly involving the police at the worst. He hoped that Emmett wasn't languishing in a cell right then.
Funny how the thought of a stint in an Australian jail didn't bother him nearly as much as it would've four short weeks ago. The idea of the solitude was almost welcoming.
Bella, already awake and staring at her bedroom ceiling, heard someone moving about outside and wondered if it was Edward or Emmett. After scrubbing her face and pulling her hair up into a ponytail Bella set off to find out all she could about the fallout from today's scheme.
Tugging her coat tighter around her middle to ward off the chill in the night air Bella stepped out onto her porch and looked about. The dining hall was lit up like it always was but everything else was in darkness owing to the late hour. The only illumination that she could see was the red flicker of a cigarette under the awning of the cabin next-door.
She made her way over to it slowly, running over in her head what she'd say if it was Emmett and trying to calm herself in case it was Edward. She knew which of the two it was long before she got to the other cabin. Even with his shoulders hunched over and his face hidden behind his hair she knew it was Edward. She'd know his long fingers and the shape of his body anywhere.
She gave herself a mental pep talk and sat in the chair opposite his without invitation. She took and lit a cigarette for herself and only after she'd taken a long drag did she speak.
"I'm so sorry I wouldn't listen and I'm really sorry I left you there, in the shed," she whispered across the space between them.
Edward took a drag on his own smoke before replying. "I would've done the same," he admitted.
"No, I don't think you would have," she whispered. "You're too nice to do that to anyone."
Shocked at her words Edward leaned forward and put his head into his hands. "I'm not, I'm really not," he sighed, thinking about all the ways he'd fucked her over before he even knew her. "I'm so sorry for the way I behaved towards you the other night. You didn't deserve that and I need you to know that it was only because of my own self loathing and no reflection on how I think of you."
Bella allowed a small smile to cross her lips before she leaned over and touched her fingertips to his as they cradled his face. He jumped at her touched and when he lifted his head she could see the hurt and worry etched onto his beautiful face. "I accept your apology," she told him with another small smile. "But only if you'll accept mine in return?"
"You have nothing to apologise to me for," Edward all but barked as he straightened in his seat. "You've done nothing wrong, especially towards me."
"I have," she contradicted. "I didn't stop to consider what would make you behave that way towards me and instead of listening when you tried to tell me I got defensive and left you there. I should've shown you the courtesy of listening. I'm really sorry I didn't."
Edward waved away her reasoning and insisted once again that she had nothing to be sorry for. "Does that mean you believe me now?" he asked hopefully.
"About some things I do," Bella admitted softly. "And I've done some research and talked to someone myself who I think will be able to help me find out some other things. But I need you to know that I don't blame you for any of this. You didn't know anything about me when you sat in on those meetings with your dad. You couldn't know that we'd meet and that we might mean something to one another one day."
Edward lifted his head so quickly at her words that he felt the bones in his neck snap and pop with the movement. "You do mean something to me," he almost shouted. "You do. You're very, very important to me Bella and if I'd known then what I know now I never would've played the part that I did and I certainly would've done all I could to stop it all before it began."
Bella's heart soared as Edward put voice to his feelings, however vaguely, and her body relaxed just a little as he said just the right things about her situation. This was the way their conversation should've gone right from the start. She should've listened more closely and not been so defensive about it.
Reaching between them again Bella slid her hand into Edward's and sighed happily for the first time in days at the contact. Edward echoed the movement and then grinned over the table at her. Her hand was so warm and soft. Her smile made him happy and he felt a little of his inner turmoil slide away as they sat hand in hand under the awning. She hadn't confessed that he meant anything to her but as he rubbed the fingers of his free hand over their clasped ones he realised she didn't need to. Her ring wasn't there.
Rose sat as still as possible while Emmett slept. She ran her fingers through his thick, black hair softly and followed the same repetitive pattern over and over as she watched his eyelids flutter through his dreams.
She knew when he was close to waking because he began to jerk and shift as his body and mind came back to consciousness. She smiled down at him as his eyes opened and waited patiently through his mumbled apologies for having fallen asleep and for having done it in her private cabin.
It took her a little while to calm him down and to reassure him that it was perfectly fine and then she offered him orange juice and sandwiches over and over until he agreed to consume them.
She knew his shakes were from alcohol withdrawal by this point and nothing to do with nerves or fear. He was no different to the hundred other guests who had shown up with either serious drinking problems or serious drinking hobbies.
She hoped his was a hobby but knew well enough not to broach that subject just yet.
Once he was fed and watered she sat back down in the living room with him and tried again to start a conversation about his future and about why he was at camp.
This time, with food and drink in his stomach and his fear a little bit more allayed he was more receptive to her questions and more open with his answers.
He found it rather cathartic to tell someone the truth about his life, his feelings and his needs. Rose found it refreshing to learn that all he really wanted to do was have good friends who accepted him for who he was and to find a job that he loved rather than tolerated.
She learned that most of her assumptions about him and his family were sadly true.
When his sister was born he revelled in being a big brother and could remember being punished often for refusing to leave her to go to school of a morning. The memory made him grin and his dimples make their first appearance of the evening.
Rose noted that the only time she got to see them was when he spoke of his beloved little sister.
He described a fairly normal, if somewhat privileged childhood, and recounted all the usual social scenes from someone of their generation. He dragged his little sister along to as many social engagements as he could and still counted her as his best friend.
His face clouded over when he told her that their parents had given up on him when his sister began to show real promise in the medical field but they had stiffly rejected any notion that he not become a doctor himself. Failing his exams countless times didn't deter them from the idea of having both children as doctors in their own right at some point.
They both honestly believed that he was going through a phase and that he'd grow up and settle down at some point to take his studies seriously. It didn't matter how many times he told them he didn't want to be a doctor. They did listen but they didn't hear is how he described those conversations.
No matter how he rebelled against them and what they wanted for him they never once relented and let him drop medicine from his class schedules. He was free to take whatever other classes he wanted but medicine was to be his major avenue of study. There was no negotiating.
Emmett had learned from a young age that he couldn't gain his parents affection or attention academically so he'd switched to acting out to get the snippets of attention they had to spare. Working on the assumption that any attention was good attention his pranks and escapades became more and more elaborate and more and more dangerous as their interest in him waned.
In contrast their interest in his sister continued to rise as her academic prowess came to the fore.
Rose was stunned to learn that Emmett loved and adored his little sister despite the lavish way their parents treated her and their harsh, unfeeling treatment of him. Someone without even half Emmett's capacity to love would've resented the sister and begun to distance himself from the parents. But he hadn't.
His huge heart loved them all anyway.
His sister in turn thought that the moon hung from Emmett's fingertips and she adored her brother as a sister should. He was humble in his praise of her and Rose could see that he basked in her love for him. Emmett's sister went to bat for him time and time again with their parents and it didn't matter to her what scrapes he got himself into, she was always his loudest and most fierce ally.
Emmett longed for the acceptance of his parents but was smart enough to know he wasn't likely to gain it without giving in to their wishes.
His final expulsion from university had seen his parents issue an ultimatum about his future that he couldn't bring himself to consider. He either graduates from medical school or he was on his own.
"But you can make a living at anything," Rose countered as he explained the choices he was given. "Even if you don't become a doctor you can be successful at something else, surely?"
Emmett snorted at the idea. "I know I can," he said defensively. "But not as far as my mum and dad are concerned. They have one son and one daughter and they expect to get two doctors at the end of the day. Whether we want to be doctors or not," he explained. "It's alright for my sister because she loves medicine, in all its facets. And she's so smart, I know she'll succeed," he said fondly. "But my parents just won't accept that success can be found for a McCarty outside that field."
Rose understood parental pressure and reminded him of that as they talked. He listened intently as she described how she'd gone against her own parents and had set a course for herself all those years ago.
"But what is your relationship like now?" Emmett asked when she'd finished her tale.
"It's good now," Rose assured him, "but for a long time it was very tense. I'm an only child so I was their one hope to continue the business," she told him. "So I was a big let down when I came back from that camp 'not fixed'," she chuckled as she used air quotes to make her point. "My dad died about five years ago but we'd made our peace before he passed away and my mum and I are on good terms now."
"But how did you get from tense to good?" he asked.
"Time I guess," Rose shrugged. "When I came home I was thinking clearly for the first time ever I think. I knew what I wanted and how to get it and I didn't stop ramming that home until they were forced to understand I was making my own decisions. It wasn't easy. I don't want you to think that a lifetime of subservience can be let go of in a few weeks or months. And from their point of view they were being forced to let go of their hopes and dreams for me too, so it was tough all round. But I knew that if I kept on the path they'd set for me I wouldn't survive to achieve what they wanted."
"I'm not suicidal," Emmett blurted without thinking.
"Not yet," Rose whispered, reaching across between them and putting her hand on his forearm. "But the constant intake of alcohol, the stress and tension of your situation and knowing that if you do what's right for you that you run the risk of losing your family will eventually lead you either right to it or very close to it."
Emmett stared at her for a long time after she said that. He ran her words over in his mind a few times and knew that she was right. Living the way he was was going to end up either making him ill or killing him.
Rose didn't wait for him to speak again. She simply asked her next question while she was on a roll and he was paying attention. "What do you think your sister would say, or do, if you told your family you wanted to do something other than medicine and truly meant it?"
Emmett didn't need thinking music for his answer. "She'd wish me luck and help in any way she could."
"So why haven't you done it yet?" Rose asked carefully.
"Because they'll cut me off," Emmett mumbled sadly.
"Maybe that's a good thing," Rose countered, not posing it as a question. "Maybe it's time you stood by yourself. Maybe the only way to truly get what you want, and be who you want to be, is by going it alone?"
"What if they never speak to me again?" Emmett croaked, obviously distressed at the thought. "What if they never want to see me again? On birthdays, Christmas. What if I can't see my mother for mother's day?" he all but wailed.
Rose smiled then. She couldn't help it. His talk of being cut off she'd taken to mean financially. She was relieved and pleased to hear that that wasn't the case at all. Emmett was worried that his parents wouldn't love him anymore if he went against them. It wasn't about money, it was about love.
Squeezing his forearm a little harder Rose shuffled forward on the sofa until they were almost nose to nose. "Em, any parent who withdraws their love for their child, for any reason, doesn't deserve to have them and any child who has to spend his whole life unhappy to keep that love alive deserves better. Anyone who withdraws from your life is a fool."
They were so close they were breathing the same air, exchanging breath for breath as they blinked to keep focus on one another.
"I got expelled from uni," Emmett whispered into the space between them. "They won't take me back now."
"Not all jobs require a degree," Rose assured him in a whisper of her own.
"I don't know what I'm good at," he countered, his fear of the unknown surfacing.
Shifting a little bit closer again Rose did rest her forehead against his. "I'll help you find that thing," she told him honestly.
Closing his eyes Emmett whispered in response, "Why?"
Tilting her face ever so slightly Rose aligned her lips to his and just before she closed the distance she told him that she liked him and wanted him to do what made him happy.
And then she kissed him.
Edward and Bella sat under the awning of his cabin a good long while, their hands clasped together firmly.
Both were worried about the damage done to their relationship by the recent revelations but neither wanted to be the one to ask the obvious questions of the other. Both felt fragile and afraid that what they'd both learned – or what they were both waiting to learn – would lead them away from one another, not closer.
It didn't cross either of their minds that moving away from one another might be in both of their best interests.
It was Bella who broke the ice and Edward was grateful.
"I talked to my sister today," she began hesitantly. "Her and my brother in law are going to find out what they can and then let me know."
"I talked to your brother in law today," Edward admitted to an astonished Bella. "He called me first, just so you know. He left a message while we were at the trivia night. I just didn't call him back until today."
"Jasper called you?"
"He did. Our conversation was pretty vague and I have to admit that I have more questions than answers right now, but he's sending me some documents in the morning and I'm hoping that some of the things we need to know will be in them," Edward told her hopefully.
"Is there a 'we', Edward?" Bella asked without thinking.
"Of course there is," he replied, without needing to think on it either. "At least there can be, if you want one."
"I've missed you," Bella blurted by way of an answer. It told Edward volumes.
"I don't want to spend another day like I did today," he admitted. "I can't think straight wondering if you're angry with me, or that you've been hurt by me, or just...I just can't spend another day like today."
"Then we won't," Bella said firmly. She squeezed the hand that was in hers and lifted her free hand to cup his cheek. "We'll wait for the information from Jasper and when it comes we'll work through it together."
Turning his lips to her palm he kissed her hand gently and smiled as best he could. "I don't want any of it to be true," he said truthfully.
"I know you don't," Bella replied. "But I need to know for sure. It's not that I don't believe you, or that I don't trust your word because I do. I just need to see the proof of it for myself before I decide what to do about it. Can you understand that?"
"Of course," Edward agreed and kissed her palm again. "You deserve to know the truth and I'll be here for you when it comes, whatever it turns out to be. I promise. I won't run away from it and I won't leave you alone to deal with it. You should make informed decisions for yourself."
"I didn't mean what I said, in the pressing shed," Bella whispered.
"Which part?"
"It was wrong of me to say you should fix your life before advising me on mine," she whispered. "If I'm going to be making decisions for myself from now on then you should probably think about doing the same. But if you don't want to then that's okay too."
Edward thought on that for just a second. "No. You were right. I shouldn't advise you what to do when I've done nothing about my situation for myself. You were right. I'll help you with all this and when the time comes I'll sort out my mess too. I don't know what Jasper is sending me but I'll do anything you need me to do to help you decide what you want. The decisions should be yours and you should have all the information to hand to make them. I won't influence them but I'll listen if you want to talk and I'll help any way I can. I'll do whatever you need me to do, I promise. I just don't want to be apart anymore."
"I don't want to be apart anymore either," Bella whispered as she stroked his cheek softly. "I'm so tired, Edward. Tired of worrying. Tired of being kept in the dark. Tired of feeling trapped and tired of being alone."
"Stay with me?" Edward asked without hesitation. "I'm tired of being alone too. I need to feel close to you. Stay with me, please," he begged.
Bella only took a few seconds to think on his question before getting to her feet and taking her hand from his face. She left her other hand in his and gave it a little tug until he was on his feet too. She knew she owed him an explanation before they went into his cabin and she was determined to give that to him right away.
She turned her left hand over and showed him her fingers. "I took my ring off because I don't want to marry Jacob Black," she announced firmly. "Whatever we find out tomorrow won't change that and the decision was nothing to do with anything you told me yesterday in that shed. I've never wanted to marry him. I don't love him. Hell, I don't even like him. I know he doesn't know yet, and I should tell him as soon as I can that I've changed my mind, but I wanted you to know so that when I say I'll stay with you that I come to you as just me and not an engaged woman."
As tired as he was Edward's smile was brilliant. He wanted to leap for joy. He wanted to run a victory lap around the cabin with his underpants on his head and he wanted to sweep her off her feet and celebrate her first real solo decision. But he couldn't and he didn't.
What he did do was cup her chin with his hand and kiss her gently on her lips. "We'll sleep Bella, just sleep. But thank you for telling me first."
She nodded her head in acknowledgement just once and then she allowed herself to be lead into his cabin. Edward told her that Emmett hadn't returned after his talk with Rose and that he wouldn't bat an eyelid even if he did and she was there.
Edward offered her a spare toothbrush and they stood side by side as they cleaned their teeth and washed their hands. He gave her a pair of soft flannel sleep pants and one of his t-shirts and told her to go ahead and change in the bathroom, that he'd change in the bedroom and when she returned – so lovely in his clothing, he thought – he held the blankets out for her as she slid into his bed beside him.
They were both nervous and excited to be so close because sleeping in the same bed as someone of the opposite sex was a big deal and a big step for them both. So when they were finally side by side, just the thin barrier of their clothing separating the lengths of their bodies, they were both silent from nerves.
The only sounds inside cabin two after that was Bella's soft giggle when his cold feet touched her calf and another when his icy fingers snaked around her waist to pull her up against his chest.
He kissed the point of her shoulder once she'd snuggled down into his arms and then he wished her a quiet goodnight.
Bella echoed his sentiment and closed her eyes to let the soft thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat lull her into the first restful sleep she'd had in days.
A/N: Thank you for reading.
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