Broken in a million little pieces...
AN: Based on the song "Broken" by Lindsay Haun from the movie "Broken Bridges"(I do not own the lyrics). Flash back fluff chapter...came to me while I was editing the last chapter and the song came on the radio. Hope you guys like it! Tell me what you think! (bolded is the lyrics, look up the video on youtube, it really is a lot better when you listen to it instead of just read the lyrics).
Ashley's point of view!
As I was lying down with Dean, I couldn't help by hear the one country song that I liked float into my head. I never listened to country, but this came on the radio one day while I was left at Bobby's as a kid and out cleaning up some junk in his garage. "Broken" explained a lot of how I felt, especially now. I let the song come into my head a play once, then again, and again. Eventually it dragged in memories with each verse that I couldn't block out no matter how hard I tried.
Wake up to a Sunny Day
Not a cloud up in the sky
And then it starts to rain
My defenses hit the ground
And they shatter all around
So open and exposed
But I found strength in the struggle
Face to face with my troubles
It was the first week with Max and the first week without my brothers close by. There was some article about a man killed in another bar a few miles away from the one I worked at and lived above now. Authorities were saying it was an animal attack, but last time I heard animals couldn't open a door and walk into a bar without being seen. My phone rang next to me and pulled me out of my hunting mindset. "What is it, Max?" I flirted into the phone.
"It's sunny out, not a cloud in the sky. Let's go to the park."
I couldn't help but smile into the phone at my new boyfriend's romantic notion. "Yeah, definitely. I'll be right down" I answered as I ran down from the room I was staying in above the bar.
The park was fun, he packed a blanket and Dr. Peppers, my favorite. I couldn't help but stare at his full pink lips and light brown scruff on his cheeks. Max saw where I was staring and began to lean in-he was going to kiss me. The sky opened up and he kissed me right in the rain, even though there was no sign of a storm coming. The kiss was like none I had ever had before. This kiss was a real one, one that begged for more because I actually was liked and wanted. I felt that wall I built up after I lost my baby crumble once Max pulled away and smile at me. I was someone to this guy, I thought I'd be safe with him.
When you're broken
In a Million little pieces
And your tryin'
But you can't hold on any more
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believin' in yourself
When you're broken
Max was perfect, Max didn't just see me as a piece of meat like that demon infested frat boy that knocked me up.
Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up
Hittin' walls and gettin' scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking
Max convinced me to move in with him and away from work. The two months I had spent with Max so far was great, but it wasn't easy for me. I kept thinking about Sam and Dean whenever something weird happened, were they okay? Where were they? I looked down at my leg to that scar and couldn't help but feel like I got ditched by Dean again, and ditched for Lisa and Ben! Max had snuck in to the room without any signs that he was even home.
"What's that from, babe?" he whispered into my ear, seeing my fingering the puckered skin. I couldn't tell him what I did or why I did it, he would think I was crazy and dependent on my brothers. Sam fucking around with a demon would be all he needed to hear before calling 911 and sending me to some nut house. This was my secret, this is what made me who I am today-a strong woman who misses her brothers more and more with every thought of them.
"Nothing. Just reminds me I can survive without my family" I sighed. He didn't know about Sam and Dean, nor how Mom and Dad died. I would never tell him, that was my past and he has no right to know.
"Shows me your beautiful" Max said as he pushed me back down onto the bed and kissed me deeply. His hands moved under my clothes and slowly worked at healing my shattered heart and worked at getting my shirt and shorts off of me as fast as possible.
When you're broken
In a Million little pieces
And your tryin'
But you can't hold on any more
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believin' in yourself
When you're broken
Max told me he loved me that night. I broke down and started to cry when he unsnapped my lacy-black bra. "Baby, it's okay. I love you, only you. Forever!" Max said as he pulled me onto his chest. "Believe me, Ashley, believe yourself" he sighed as he smoothed down my frizzy hair. He stopped what he was doing, he even snapped my bra back on after I was sobbing into his chest. God this was sexy, I cried my way out of sex with my boyfriend, but that is when I knew he was the right guy for me, a good guy that would never do anything to hurt me. I was safe with him, I could live with him! But Sam and Dean would have to be pushed out of my life forever for that to happen, and that was one thing I could not stomach. I felt myself fall asleep in his arms, he didn't try to move me, he just held me all night long.
Better days are gonna find you once again
Every piece will find its place
When you're broken
When you're broken
The engine pulling up to the door was the engine I have been hoping to hear since week 1. I missed my brothers more than anything in the world! But what do I tell Max? He didn't know about these two guys walking in with me, and he sure as hell didn't know that I wanted to jump into that car and get the hell out of Dodge the second I saw it. How do I leave Max? He never judged, he showed my the good in the world and nothing had even came sniffing around our place in the 6 months I considered him my boyfriend. Maybe it was possible to get out of the life. But Sam and Dean brought the last puzzle piece I needed to finish putting my life back together-I'm still broken though! Torn between 3 amazing guys that could protect me from life. I can't leave with Sam and Dean, but I can't stay with Max either. These guys could never be under the same roof together, it was one or the other and I would have to make that choice. When I saw Max's face fall because some other guy had his arm around my shoulders and I was smiling, my heart fell straight to the floor and no one could pick it up and brush it off. There were too many ways this could go wrong-what if he stops loving me and goes running to some other blond? What if Sam or Dean runs off and ditches me on the side of the road or worse, at Bobby's again? I wouldn't survive either scenario, but one was going to happen-I knew it right then and there with Max shooting my brother's the evil eye for touching his girl.
When you're broken
In a Million little pieces
And your tryin'
But you can't hold on any more
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believin' in yourself
When you're broken
Oh When you're broken
I left with Sam and Dean barely a week ago, and already Max moved on from me. I fucking knew this was going to happen, I just prayed I was wrong for once. How could I believe in myself when he did that to me? I let the song fly out of my head when Dean finally fell into a deep sleep and began snoring. The rumble in his chest tickled my ear and shook all the memories associated with that song out of my skull. I could recall the first time I heard Dean snore, it was soon after Sam left for Stanford and it was a night Dad left on a job alone, saying he could take care of it himself. Dean handed me a beer and then drank himself into oblivion. I had to put him to bed like he did Dad many times, then that rumble came out of his mouth- he was putting on weight from all the pie and alcohol. He was trashing himself all because Sam wanted a better life. It hurt me, but I knew Sammy wasn't trying to. He even begged me to come with him when Bobby called him to say his acceptance letter came in. He said we could get an apartment together, we could be a normal brother and sister duo in California! But I said no, and he understood. As I listened to Dean's snores grow louder, I felt my eyelids grown heavier. As I fell asleep more memories came into my head- my childhood, my family, and then more Max.