A/N: Hello, guys. It seems like I owe you another apology. I always take so long to updates. And this time, my only excuse is writer's block. For that reason, this update is shorter than usual, but I wanted to make sure I got something posted before you all came after me with pitchforks. The good news I have for you all is that the next pivotal chapter is already written and all I need to do now is fill in the timeframe with some fillers. I've crafted this update to the best of my ability. I'm not exactly happy with it per say, but I think I'm just stuck in one of the those funks, because I don't seem to be pleased with anything I write. Despite that fact, I really hope that you like it. I'm really really hoping that this chapter doesn't disappoint you all.

Title: Ask Me How Much I Love You

Chapter: Heavy In Your Arms

Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Nathan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!

Spoilers: A play on spoilers from Anatomy of a Murder. Kate tells Castle that she would break him out of prison. Castle sees this as a sign of Love.

Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)

Castle felt as if he might burst with happiness as Alexis skipped along happily next to him. She made a show of it, and Castle couldn't help but adore and admire his beautiful young daughter. Martha walked in front of them, carrying a small parasol to shade her from the harsh effects of the bright sun. The sky was a clear deep blue, the deepest blue he'd seen in a long time, and the sun was warm on his cheek. He held Alexis' hand tightly in his right hand, and Kate's tightly in his left as they moseyed along the pathway in one of Portland's large rose gardens. Ashley held on to Alexis' other hand and so they formed a small line across the pathway. Ever so often they'd break it, to let others by, but for the most part they traveled in a small line.

"This place is so beautiful," Alexis remarked as they looked around. "Oh look at those flowers over there."

"I just can't get over how beautiful the day is, in general," Castle replied. The temperature was warm, but not overly so. If he had to guess Castle would have estimated that the temperature was hovering around 80 degrees. The air was dry, as opposed to humid, and the breeze was just strong enough to where it kept them very comfortable. "It couldn't be any more perfect if we'd planned it."

Castle felt a sudden tug on his arm as Kate came to a stop. He nearly laughed at her cuteness as she bent down over a small rose bush, and inhaled. Castle, practicing his quick reflexes pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of her as she closed her eyes. She was smiling, and it warmed Castle's heart. As she sprang up, he slipped it back into his pocket, and acted none the wiser. Alexis giggled, and as Kate looked away briefly, Castle attempted to quiet her. Alexis smiled good naturedly, and looked away. Lucky for him, Ashley had taken sudden interest in another plant on the other side of the pathway and tugged Alexis off in another direction, leaving Castle standing dumbly in the middle of the path. Castle chuckled, taking it all in stride. Martha turned around flashed him a smile.

"Did you see where Kate went off to?" he asked his mother as he briefly looked around for the young brunette and realized that somewhere in all of the commotion he'd lost her.

"Try that pathway there," she inclined her head towards another pathway. "I'm just going to go on ahead. I see some benches up ahead and I could stand to get off my feet for a couple of minutes."

"Thanks, mother," He smiled gratefully. She made a small gesture indicating that it was nothing and continued on her merry way. Castle sighed and started walking on a small path off to his right. He'd never seen roses that particular color before. They were almost violet, but were almost smoky in appearance. He couldn't get over it. The flowers were so fragrant; In many ways it was an onslaught to the senses, but a good one at that. He closed his eyes, feeling silly for acting the way he was.

He had to admit that he was a bit surprised. He never thought he would have enjoyed the Rose gardens so much, but he found that it was the company that made the trip and not anything else. He continued walking, finding himself in a bit of a maze. He managed to get completely lost, but never felt anything but a calm resolve. He was about to turn around when a pair of arms snaked their way around his waist and a body pressed tightly into his back. He closed his eyes, turning around slowly.

"You should be careful," Rick joked. "My girlfriend doesn't like to share, and it's common knowledge that she carries a firearm."

"Does she now?" Kate's teasing voice husked into his ear, causing a shiver to shoot up his spine. Castle couldn't help but groan as he tried to grasp onto her. He opened his eyes to find her light green eyes gazing into the depths of his own. He didn't dare breathe for a moment as they held their positions. He could feel the warmth of her breath on his face and her fingers raking ever so gently through his hair.

"Kate," he practically gasped as his eyes darted to her lips. She did the same, but didn't budge. It wasn't until he tried to pull away that she forced him into it. He couldn't stop the moan that came from his mouth as she bit down softly on his lower lip and pulled. To sooth away the sting, she ran her tongue along its edge and then proceeded to push her way into his mouth. Castle feeling the heat of the moment, tried to pull away before things got too headed, but Kate would have none of it.

"Don't be shy," she chastised softly, giggling like a young school girl. "No one's watching…" Kate moaned as Castle pulled her in for another kiss, one just as heated as before. He did more than enough to leave her heady and wanting, and then pulled away.

In a breathless voice he suggested, "We should get back to the main path, the others are probably waiting."

"As if… If Alexis and Ashley are anything like us they're probably doing the same thing," Kate replied.

"Ugh," Castle pretended to pull his hair out. "That's my daughter you're talking about," Castle groaned. "I do not need that visual. Ever." Kate merely laughed, taking him by the hand as she started to lead him out of the maze.

"How do you know where to go?" Castle sounded impressed.

"Eh, all you have to do is reverse the directions and…" Kate paused for a dramatic affect as they made the final turn and emerged onto the pathway, "Ta da!"

"That's crazy," Castle chuckled.

"I've always been good with directions," Kate smiled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Come on," Castle smiled. "We're going to be late for the concert. I hear they're playing Tchaikovsky's sixth symphony."

"You like classical music?" Kate asked, looking surprised.

"Why do you sound so surprised?" Castle swallowed, "I've written most of my books to classical masterpieces. Dvorak's New World Symphony? Best piece ever written, in my opinion. Well, let's just say it's my favorite."

"I'm glad to know this about you," Kate smiled, snuggling into his side as they walked down the pathway towards Martha, Alexis, and Ashley.

"I'm always happy to share," he breathed before kissing the top of her head. Together they walked slowly towards the others.

"It's about time," Martha teased, "For a moment we'd thought you'd gotten lost." Castle and Kate shared a knowing smile.

"You could say that," Castle replied, his eyes twinkling in the bright sunlight. "How about we head towards the amphitheater? The concert should be starting soon."

"Lead the way," Martha made a grand gesture. They hooked arms and headed off towards the place in the center of the gardens.

When they reached the amphitheater, it was already filling up. Castle found a section with the appropriate number of open seats and let everyone else sit before ultimately plopping down next to Kate. He couldn't stop the smile as Kate reached over to take his hand in hers, twining their fingers together. He turned his head to see her smiling as well. He dropped her hand for a moment, making a square with two L-shapes made by his thumb and forefinger.

"Rick," Kate commented, though it was obvious what the hell she was doing, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Taking a mental picture," he replied as if it were the most normal thing in the world. The only thing it earned him was a bemused eye roll from Kate. "What? There's nothing more beautiful than this." His heart soared as she laughed, loudly. She looked so beautiful when she laughed that it took his breath away. In some ways he felt like he was back in high school. As she caught on as to what her father was doing, Alexis too, started laughing. She was so happy to see that her father was happy. After all, he deserved it more than anyone else. Spurred on by the attention and laughter, Castle continued to make a clicking noise as he took several mental snapshots. "Your smile, your laugh, the sun," he listed off. "Life just doesn't get anymore beautiful than in this moment, when I have you all by my side." Kate's heart swelled as she let herself bask in his words and their honesty.

"I'm glad you're so happy," Kate replied honestly, leaning forwards to kiss Rick in a chaste, but emotional, kiss.

"You have no idea," he whispered as she pulled away, his blue eyes twinkling in the sunlight. Kate's breath hitched as she realized just how beautiful this moment was. Alexis and Martha laughing happily, Rick's smile and his eyes. My god, it really didn't get any better. She'd been waiting so long to see the man she'd fallen in love with in New York. And now? He was finally there. He was sitting a foot away from her and she couldn't help but feel completely elated.

"Concert is starting," Kate whispered sadly, as the conductor and the musicians started to file onto the stage.

"It's okay, you can always jump me in the car later, if you still want," Rick choked out with a mischievous look in his eyes, and Kate finds herself sent into another fit of raucous laughter as he gets an appalled objection from Alexis and a swat of the arm from her.

"You wish," Kate replied in a rebuttal, not able to stop the warm blush that gives her cheeks a very healthy looking glow. He took Kate's hand in his again, before turning to face forwards as the conductor started to address the audience, talking about the orchestra, and the pieces they were intending to play. Sure enough, Rick was right. They were told that the orchestra is planning on playing Tchaikovsky's sixth symphony, and one of his concertos. Kate watched with interest as violins, violas, cellos, bass, brass and winds, all started to tune to the same uniform pitch started by the first chair violinist. Over time it grows louder and louder as each section joins in. Finally, the conductor makes a movement with his arm and all sound stops. Kate looked around, stunned by the amount of people around them. She was not exactly sure what to expect. Don't get me wrong, she has listened to plenty of classical pieces over the years, but she wasn't sure if she'd ever heard this particular piece before. She smiled as Castle gave her hand a squeeze, and promised her under his breath that she was going to love it. A couple minutes pass before the first notes are played. Immediately, Kate is able to decide immediately that the piece is absolutely beautiful. Her favorite instrument, by far, is the cello, and it just so happens that the cello is playing the main melody in the concerto. It's tone is just so rich and beautiful that it takes her breath away. At some points in the piece she closed her eyes, just drinking in the music wafting through the air around her. She could feel the sun on her face, and Castle's warm hand in hers. Castle too, enjoyed himself immensely. It had been a long time since he'd felt so relaxed. Every so often he stole a glance at the woman next to him. He couldn't help the smile that slipped onto his lips every time that he did. She could feel his eyes on her, and she too, would smile, losing herself in the moment. Minutes of blissful happiness tick by, and Kate can't help but with that they could just get lost in the moment in the moment. After all, it was perfect. The weather, the comfort of being together, the music, it just didn't get any better.

Castle watched each section of the orchestra. He let himself be amused by the way all of the violins seemed to play with a bouncy, exuberant, mindset. He loved the repetitive theme of the music. He had to restrain himself to keep from humming along. Finally, the piece ended, and Castle lets his eyes gravitate to Kate again. Together, they share another smile. They stay like this for the next minute. Castle nearly spoke, but caught himself at the last minute. No, he doesn't want to tell her all about what she's about to hear. Kate noticed his torn expression, and decided to encourage him.

"So, what's the story behind the symphony?" Kate asked quietly.

"What makes you think I know?" He replied, holding her gaze.

"Because you're always going on about how everything has a story," Kate says pointedly.

"You mean, you really don't know?" Castle replied with another question.

"No," Kate said with slight annoyance. "If I did, I wouldn't be asking." Castle suddenly felt like a jerk for giving her a rough time.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Well," he spoke after clearing his throat, "I'll give you the short explanation." Kate nodded, happy with his reply. "Okay, well, you know that Tchaikovsky's sixth symphony is the last piece of music he ever wrote, right?"

"Yeah," Kate choked out.

"Well," Castled sighed, "Some people think that this piece of music was his way of leaving a suicide note if you will, without actually putting a single word down on paper."

"Really?" Kate was stunned, not expecting it at all.

"Yeah. I mean, the way the music is written?" Castle spoke sadly with an inflection in his voice, "Well, it speaks to you. It really is like words without words. I'm an author and I've never written anything as beautiful and heart wrenching as this. The music seems to resonate within you, and you feel it as surely as every emotion you'd ever experience. I… I'm not exactly proud to say this, but I cried the first time I heard it. The fourth movement is just so powerful. If you listen carefully, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about."

"So he died shortly after writing this?" Kate asked, wanting to know more.

"Yeah," Castle nodded. "The reason people think that this piece is noteworthy is because he died very shortly after. He umm… He drank contaminated water in the middle of a cholera outbreak. Some people honestly believe it was deliberate."

"So it's all mainly conjecture," Kate pointed out in a statement. And she was right. It was all mainly speculation.

"Yeah, but…" Castle managed to catch himself.

"What?" Kate asked, wanting to know what Castle had been about to say.

"I was just thinking that I probably shouldn't have told you all of this before you even heard the piece," Castle replied in a hushed voice, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should just listen to the music, Kate. Listen to it, and then when it's over, you can tell what you think about it and whether you believe there was more to it than meets the senses." Kate nodded. Silence fell between them and all around them as the orchestra prepared to start. The symphony started off quietly with just the lower strings and the lower winds. Crescendos and swells of music added impact to the very quiet introduction and Kate immediately understood what Castle had been trying to say. He was right. There was more to it than she expected. As the higher strings and brass came in with the higher melody, the music also seemed to lighten up a little. Quickly, runs turned into a louder section of the first movement. She felt amazed by the piece. She just sat there watching the conductors arms cut through the air with precise, but smooth movements. Towards the middle, Kate lost herself in the repetitious melody. And by the end, as the tempo picked up greatly, Kate felt as if something was literally pulling at her heart. The flats and sharps seemed to give the piece great depth. It was angst, but in musical form. The punctuated notes provided by the brass, specifically the trombones, french horns and tubas, seem to offer a sense of great turmoil. The timpani rolls add to the distress, and give the music its own character.

When they finally reached the third movement, Kate was surprised to hear that it had so very much life given to it. It was almost reminiscent of life itself. If she would have had to describe it, she would have said it was a celebration of life itself and all of the good things. Yet, it was just that, a last look. The tempo and melody, even though they are the same as in the early movements, make it seem like a completely different piece. Again the melody is bouncy and vigorous. Kate watched in fascination. When they finally hear the last notes climax and the final note is cut off with a flourish of the conductor's hand, the notes seem to echo around the gardens. Some people start to clap, but they don't realize that the piece is not over. Not yet. There is still the final movement to go. The conductor waits for the applause to fade, before he starts the music again.

Kate sits entranced as the first angst filled notes fill the space around them. She feels like she is in actual pain. Her heart aches at what she could only describe as a tragic melody. And it was tragic. It was tragic, because the man who wrote this, the brilliant composer who seemed to have such an incredible grasp of music and its beauty, had died far too young. To think of all of the great pieces he could have written, it just seemed so sad. She closed her eyes, now fully understanding everything Castle had told her just minutes ago. She couldn't imagine what Tchaikovsky must have felt like when he'd written this piece. After all, it seemed like the people who had such a grasp on beauty and art, were often the people who suffered the most, because they were the ones to see the world in a different light. Artists like Van Gogh and Tchaikovsky, often fell victim to the world around them. A world that by all means could be very cruel.

Kate swallowed, gulping in air as her thoughts visited a place she'd been avoiding since she'd gotten to Vancouver. She wondered how close that Castle had come to taking his own life. He had mentioned his problems with addiction and alluded to the fact that he hadn't accidentally hurt himself, but she couldn't help wonder if he'd purposely done harm to himself. He hadn't spoken a word about it, but she could tell by the way that he'd talked earlier that he had definitely considered it. He may have even tried to do it. Her heart nearly stopped as she thought about how things would have been like in a world without Rick Castle. Sure, she knew what it was like to have to go through one day after another without seeing him, but to truly be in a world where there was no Castle, where she would never have the possibility to see him again, the thought made her sick. Before she could stop them tears flooded and blurred her vision, and then they started to spill over and streak down her cheeks. She felt Castle squeeze her hand in his, and she silently thanked god for looking out for Castle. With a sniffle, Kate looked down, and frantically tried to wipe away her tears with her free hand. As the final gong hit sounded, and faded into silence, Kate finally managed to stop the tears. She felt Castle's eyes on her, and kept her eyes away. She suddenly felt embarrassed, and she was afraid he might know what she was thinking if he saw her eyes. Usually, she never got emotional, but she couldn't help it. She swallowed, her eyes finding the sun now sinking quickly in the sky. She clapped her hands along with the countless others around her, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

Minutes later, as people started to clear out. Castle took her by the hand and led her, along with Martha, Alexis, and Ashley towards their car. Castle seemed to be very sensitive to how Kate was feeling because he held her close and didn't say a word. When the topic of dinner came up, it was Kate who suggested that Castle take Alexis out for dinner and spend some time with his daughter before they had to part again.

"Are you sure?" he asked Kate for the dozenth time as he changed into a nice outfit consisting of one of his best dress shirts and black dress pants. He stared into the mirror, and watched as Kate slowly sidled up from behind him, wrapping her arms around him before kissing his neck.

"Mmhmm," she replied. "You deserve to spend some time with Alexis."

Castle buttoned the last button on his shirt, and turned around, returning the affection. Kate moaned softly into his mouth as his hands wrapped themselves around her hips and pulled her closer.

"God, I love you so much," Castle breathed softly, brushing his forehead against hers as he pulled away. "I'll never be able to thank you enough for this."

"That's the beauty of it," Kate replied with a wry smile. "You never have to thank me, because I wanted to do it. The fact is, that I love you too." Castle's breathing hitched in his throat as Kate's hand reached up to brush his cheek. She kissed him again, this time more out of want than anything else. Apparently, she wasn't alone in her desires because Castle's tongue is suddenly darting out to taste her as a moan escapes his own mouth. They spend a long moment in exploration, and have no problem just being, existing together for one moment in space and time. They broke apart as a knock sounds at the door.

"That's probably Alexis," Kate breathed softly.

"I'll be back soon," Castle promised with one final kiss to the corner of Kate's mouth.

"I'll be waiting," she commented in return. "I might even have a surprise for you," Kate revealed in a teasing manner,

"I don't usually like surprises," Castle replied in their usual bantering tone.

"Oh," the mischievous smile on Kate's lips nearly had him groaning aloud. "I think you'll like this one." Castle did finally let out a groan, and padded for the door. Kate watched the embrace as Alexis launched herself into Castle's arms and they shared another moment. She gave them an encouraging nod and a smile. "Have fun!" she urged, as they slipped out the door and she was left alone.

Castle took Alexis to a nice restaurant, incredibly excited to have her with him. She looked so grown up it was surreal. He could hardly believe it himself. She was in college now, and still so in love with Ashley. Castle watched every little thing Alexis did, from the way she sat down, to the look on her beautiful features as she perused the menu, to the way she interacted with the waiter. He couldn't have been more proud to call her his daughter.

"So," Castle started as they were left alone with their drinks. "How is school?"

"Good," Alexis smiled before taking a sip of her drink. Castle listened as she started to tell him about all of her classes and the way that Ashley has taken such good care of her. He felt a pang of regret as he realized that there were still so many things that he didn't know. Alexis seemed to catch him in this state of mind because she took it upon herself to bring up some old memories of all of the things they did together. By the time dinner arrived, they were laughing, reminiscing. Between bites they started onto new topics.

"What do you think about having Kate around all the time?" he asked finally.

"This is probably going to sound weird, but…" Alexis breathed. "I love her, Dad. I mean, she has been so great this last year, I honestly don't know what I'd do without her."

"I was thinking that I'd ask her to make things official," Castle revealed as he pulled out the ring he'd bought. With a little nudge, he pushed it across the table towards her and watched as Alexis gingerly picked it up. Alexis made a point of looking at him as she opened the small, rectangular, velvet box. When her eyes finally saw what was inside, her jaw dropped. "Oh my god, Dad," she gushed. "That is so beautiful! She's going to love it."

"You think?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Alexis swallowed. "I know she will."

"I just don't know if she'll say yes," he sighed, looking defeated. "I mean… I ruined everything. I ruined all our chances at having something normal."

"No you haven't," Alexis shook her head. "She loves you. She knows you're innocent just as surely as I do."

"But it doesn't matter," Castle was starting to rethink the whole thing. "Because I'm stuck in Vancouver, and she is stuck in New York."

"Distance shouldn't matter," Alexis spoke wisely. Sometimes Castle was astounded by Alexis' level of maturity. She always seemed so much older and wiser than her actual years. "You of all people should know that by now." Castle opened his mouth to protest, but Alexis wouldn't let him. "Let me ask you something…" Alexis begged, "Do you love Kate any less than you did a year ago?"

"No, of course not," Castle nearly choked, "Why do you even have to ask?"

"I'm just trying to make a point," Alexis spoke animatedly as he made gestures with her hands. "Because Kate loves you just as much as you love her, and so do I. You can make it work if you work hard enough at it."

"I'm just scared that someone else is going to come along and take her away from me," Castle admitted finally. "She could do so much better than me. If she ever realizes that, I'm in serious trouble."

"Dad," Alexis breathed. "You have to stop beating yourself up. Please."

"I…I'm sorry," he apologized honestly. "We're supposed to be having fun. It's just that I can't help it"

"It's okay. I am having fun.," Alexis reassured him. "I love you, Dad."

"I really love you too, Pumpkin," he reciprocated, "And I promise I'm going to figure things out. I'll be back home again soon." Alexis nodded, taking another bite of her food. The rest of the night was spent with less intense conversation, and by the time they made it back to the hotel room they were both exhausted. Castle slipped in the door and started slipping out of his jacket. Before he knew it, two hands were helping him out of the fabric and were hanging it up on a hanger. Castle swallowed, turning to find an ice bucket on the table next to the bed, and a bottle of wine already chilled inside.

He closed his eyes as Kate pulled him in for a gentle kiss. He kissed her back, familiarizing himself with her body as he ran his hands over it in a gentle caress. He could feel the black lace under his fingertips. He could imagine just how amazing she looked, but in this moment, he only wanted to feel. He wanted to drown in his own love for her.

"Well aren't you feeling a little sentimental tonight?" Kate teased as he finally opened his eyes to meet two soft sea green ones staring back at him from only a few inches away. Her tone was playful, and it made his heart pound even harder in his chest. Then and only then did he let himself take in Kate and the little black number she was dressed in.

"Why," he said in a soft voice, "As a matter of fact I am, Miss Beckett."

"That's new. I mean… When have you ever called me by my last name?" Kate asked with a smile.

"You don't like it?" Castle asked in a disappointed voice.

"I didn't say that," Kate pointed out, kissing him again.

"Katie," he breathed as he finally pulled away and opened his hand to reveal the small box inside. Kate found the item quickly, and her breathing ceased as he held it up for her.

"Castle," Kate managed to choke out breathlessly. She was stunned. It all seemed so surreal. She was still in shock. Rick, sensing this, tried to speak slowly.

"Kate," he swallowed, "You are my rock. You are my soul mate, and I never would have made it this far without you. You are truly extraordinary and I love you with all my heart." Kate let out a gasp as Castle flipped open the box. "I'm not going to ask you to marry me, because I know that we've only just begun, but I do want to know if you would make me the happiest man alive and be mine…mine and mine alone. I would like to know if you could make me that promise."

"Castle," Kate's voice was breathless. "You shouldn't even have to ask…" With a finger, Castle gently quieted her. "Shh."

"Just humor me," he begged of her. "Please?"

"Yes," she managed to choke out in a low voice. "Yes, of course I would love to be yours. Always." Castle's heart pounded out of control as he pulled the ring from its box and slipped it onto the ring finger of her right hand. He did this because it wasn't a proposal of marriage. The ring signified more of a promise than anything else. He already wore a plain silver band of tungsten on his own right hand, as he'd made that promise to be faithful to Kate a long time ago.

"I love you," he breathed as he pulled the hand to his lips and kissed it. "I want to make a promise to you too. Kate, I promise that I will always love you. I will be yours also, and yours alone." He opened his mouth to say more, but Kate swallowed his next words. Passion took over and kisses became more heated as they walked moved slowly backwards towards the king sized bed. With a happy laugh she pushed him down onto it and started to free him from his clothes, while he admired the little black number she was currently wearing. And just like that, they became one entity, moving together in the throes of passion.

A/N: So that's it for now. Next chapter is mainly going to be a filler, so I'll try to get that up soon so that I can get to the good stuff. I really hope you like this one! Please read and review! Usually, reviews help motivate me to write more. And when I write more, I usually update faster. I'm just saying...