As everyone filed onto the main deck Usopp and Chopper made a point of flanking the person they believed was a safe zone… Namely Nico Robin. She'd pondered countless ways to stop the cook and warrior in the past, but always arrived at the same conclusion…
Best to let them get it out of their system.
Beside the fact that she knew the chivalrous duo too well to even attempt some sort of armistice… -Once Sanji and Zoro start with this they're like moving train with no brakes.—She couldn't shake the insight that she was getting a little bit of a kick out of two spry men getting so competitive over her attention.
Chopper looked up with concern at his willowy guardian. He had just clasped his medicine bag shut after an equipment check. "Robin…"
She smiled warmly at him and crouched down to his level carefully.
"I've been trying to figure it out… But, I still don't understand. Why is Sanji so upset that you like spending time with Zoro? He can also still interact with you when he wants! Right?"
Robin grew an extra arm out on the wall and scratched behind his ear and the tiny deer squealed with delight.
"That's a very good question, doctor." She pondered a few seconds.
"I suppose he's upset that I won't be spending time with him in the way he wants." Chopper accepted this answer. Then he nodded sternly, becoming reabsorbed in the impending duel in front of him.
Sanji's cigarette, a butt already as it fell to the floor -was being crushed extra aggressively beneath his polished leather shoe.
Zoro tied his black bandana expertly around his head, pressing it into his spiked green locks, and proceeded to unsheathe two of his swords.
Sanji was having none of it.
"Nitoryu? "You prick! Don't patronize me."
"You're right, I'm sorry." Zoro said, as he positioned himself into combat stance. Luffy and Usopp tilted heads in confusion with narrowed eyes from afar.
"Your hypno-spiral eyebrow is pretty effective. Maybe I will need the third sword, in case you try to kick my face while I fall asleep."
"We both know you don't need a hypno-spiral to fall asleep at any given time, you unmown lawn."
A particularly large wave rocked the hull of the Sunny with a splat. The crew steadied itself in response to the unexpected jolt. Nami pondered the anomaly. The waves pretty still… No signs of a strong wind… Her face hardened slightly and her eyes darted, reassessing the entire horizon and sky. This doesn't make any sense.
"Ready when you are." Zoro stated loudly.
"Prepare to be grilled thoroughly." Sanji hissed.
The disgraced cook was done waiting. A sprint and a mere second and a loud SWISH later, Zoro found himself blocking a raining barrage of furious
"COLLIER FRITES!".
The onslaught of lightning-like attacks flew unpleasantly close to his body as employed a combination of blocks and dodges to the best of his ability, all while maintaining regular breath. He had already flown back a few steps from the momentum, but his form was as solid as ever.
Zoro snarled as he sidestepped around the Baratie-legend. "My turn.."
A loud clink filled the air, but he made very little use of his blades, which were turned outward rather than inward. The katana wielder replied with a new and improvised move.
"San…Toryu…"
"KOKU SURAMU!"
Oni Giri was out of the question. As was any use of his blade edges for cutting purposes.
"… YOU SWEATY GREEN… BAAASTARD…"
Sanji leapt several meters into the air, extending one leg against his chest.
"If you can cut a hopeful man's heart out without remorse, surely a few gashes in him is no problem for you!"
"MOUTON… SHOT!"
He went straight for Zoro's head. His sweeping leg repeated kicks so lightfast you could barely even see it move back up toward his torso. Zoro made use of the tops of his hands, still grabbing his sword handles hard, to punch back against the momentum at equal speed. When the cook landed back on the floor, kenshi-san's knuckles were bleeding.
"Oh no!" Chopper opened his bag to pick up a band aid roll, but realized solemnly his work would never be greenlit until the whole calamity was declared over, dropping the neat fabric back to the top of his case. Robin and Usopp had seated themselves next to him on a step leading to the ship's helm.
Brook stood on the opposite side of the deck next to the resident cyborg. The skeleton had produced a cup of black tea from only god knows where and when, and was already engaged in the business of sipping it politely.
Zoro and Sanji continued bombarding each other with rehearsed moves.
Chopper had a realization. "Oh, Robin! I got so excited to watch the fight. I meant to ask you…"
She turned to face what she internally knew was her adoptive child.
"… You said Sanji wanted to spend time with you in a specific way. What did you mean by that?"
Her pupils shrank in horror. "Oh…" This time Robin turned scarlet, completely forgetting about the combat transpiring a stone's throw away from her.
Chopper pressed the question further. "Is this about reproduction?"
She looked at the tiny creature in shock. Then a hint of anger.
"Chopper. Who taught you that word?!"
His face dropped suddenly, worried he had offended her. "I'm a trained physician…"
It took a second for her to absorb. She smiled unconvincingly while mentally crossing "Stern talk with Franky" off of her to-do-list.
"I apologize… I forget that sometimes."
Chopper smiled warmly at her, then watched Zoro perform a blunt force Karasuma Gari on airborne Sanji "If this is a human mating ritual, then I… understand!"
His wholesome features lit up with triumph. "Adult Reindeer males fight over females too! Investing so much resource, time and energy in reproduction makes the female's approval hard to win, and they'll actively compete with each other for it! I know Sanji and Zoro don't get along much day-to-day either, but this seems extra serious… Maybe that's why this is a special event!"
"That's a fair comparison." Robin rested her rosy face in her hand. Not daring to add anything else to the conversation.
"I hope you know that if you decide to have children, you can come to me with any medical conce-AUH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
A massive shadow made its way across the scene, until it covered the majority of the Thousand Sunny. Usopp stuttered, Nami screamed, everyone was staring at the same thing. The Straw Hats faced the largest sea-king they had encountered to date. Towering over them like an unwelcome neighbor dropping in for a visit.
Guess that explains that. Nami thought in horror, still managing to be truly peeved at the irony of the day.
"AWESOoOOoOAHaAhaOME!"
Collective annoyance flew straight back at the captain. How predictable. He flung an elastic arm up at the thing's humongous ear and flew through the air grinning.
"SANJI, ZORO. Could you maybe TRY WORKING TOGETHER NOW?" Nami hollered over the thick gusts of air produced by the leviathan while she ran to her station.
The ancient creature frowned at the new passenger on its face. "HEY GUYS! THE VIEW UP HERE IS AMAZING!"
Sanji and Zoro ignored him, occupied by the mission of staring each other down. They roared at one another in chorus.
"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP."
The brainmatch did nothing for their tempers.
" JUST STAY OUT OF MY WAY GOD DAMN IT!"