The next day at 1:00 p.m., after a two hour drive, Manfred, Edgeworth, and Franziska, each carrying their receptive suitcase, were standing in front of the locked front door of Blaise's log cabin-exterior beach house. The house itself, while small for one owned by a man with a six figure salary, had the advantage of being in a nice location- far enough away from the main vacation town to give one some quiet, while also being close enough so that one could easily drive there with little effort.
"Miles, Franziska, before we enter that house and begin this foolish day, I must establish some ground rules with you both. Rule number one: this foolish trip is a once-in-a-lifetime event. As such, I do not want to hear any begging from either of you after this insisting on another trip; nor do I ever want either of you to think that it is alright to take vacations. von Karmas never stray from perfection. Rule number two: This is Chief Prosecutor Debeste's beach house, not ours, so you are not to touch anything. Chief Prosecutor Debeste has the memory of an elephant when it comes to grudges and I do not wish to give him any material to work with by the end of this trip. Are these rules clear to you both?"
"Yes, sir." Edgeworth and Franziska politely responded, giving Manfred a bow and a curtsy, respectively.
Manfred unlocked the front door, but left it closed. "Alright, according to the deed, there are exactly three bedrooms; and given that I am the head of our family, it is only fitting that I get the master bedroom." Manfred opened the door. "So with that in mi…" Manfred stopped midsentence as his eyes widened to the size of saucers and his jaw dropped upon seeing what the interior of Blaise's beach house looked like.
Like Blaise's office, the place was decorated to look like some biker villain's evil lair, complete with pitch-black walls, a bright red leather sofa across from a 40 inch television, several vintage leather biker jackets in glass cases, and even a motorcycle nailed to one of the walls. Though unlike his office, Blaise apparently desired to make his beach house look like some kind of hunting lodge, if the cabin-like exterior wasn't a big enough hint, with the inclusion of a bearskin rug by the entrance way, a wide variety of guns, ranging from muskets to bayonets to machine guns, and two heads mounted above the mantel of a fireplace on the right side of the room which Manfred immediately recognized as Detective Rip Lacer and the summer intern from last year who accidentally gave Blaise a blueberry muffin instead of one that was chocolate chip.
But perhaps the most disturbing part of the house's interior was, hanging on the far side of the room for all to see, a five feet wide by six feet tall portrait of Blaise in his birthday suit, laying in a seductive pose, a huge toothy grin on his face, on the very same bearskin rug in the entranceway, with his manhood greatly… exaggerated, to say the least. What kind of sick, perverted, egotistical man would have such a disturbing painting so prominently displayed in their home? Oh right, this was Blaise's house.
Suddenly, Manfred was snapped out of his shocked state by Edgeworth tapping him on the shoulder. "Mr. von Karma, I don't mean to be rude, but can you please move aside so that Franziska and I can enter?"
Without saying anything, the still-wide eyed veteran prosecutor took a step to his right, but yet his gaze remained fixed on the abomination of a painting, much like how one can't look away from a horrible car crash, allowing his adopted son to enter.
"Thank you, si-" Upon entering the house, Edgeworth stopped dead in his tracks at seeing the risqué portrait of Blaise. "WHAT IS THAT THING!?" Edgeworth screamed, dropping his suitcase in order to shield his face with his hands; but no matter how hard Edgeworth tried to forget what he saw, the disturbing image was forever seared into his mind.
"What a foolish question, Miles! You and I both know what that… abomination is!" Manfred yelled, gesturing to the portrait. "For if we didn't, it wouldn't have given us mental trauma that can only be healed with intensive therapy! I swear, why didn't Chief Prosecutor Debeste warn me about that hideous thing when he knew that I was bringing-"
"Miles Edgeworth, Stop foolishly blocking the door! I want to come in!" Franziska lashed Edgeworth with her riding crop as she squeezed her way through the door, only to have the protective hand of her 'little' brother block her vision in order to shield her young, impressionable mind from the same fate that he and her father had suffered. "Quit it, Little Brother! I can't see!"
"Trust me, Franziska. I'm only doing this because I care about you!" Edgeworth pleaded, struggling to keep his hand over his adoptive sister's eyes as she tried to free herself by wriggling her head.
Unfortunately for Edgeworth, Franziska didn't see his actions as such and, with a lash from her ridding crop, removed her 'little' brother's hand from her face, allowing her to see the traumatizing portrait. Though contrary to her father and adopted brother, Franziska merely cocked her head in confusion.
"Why does Unky Boo Boo have a stick of salami in-between his legs in that portrait?"
"Well, Franziska… He… He…" Manfred sputtered, breaking out in a cold sweat as he gripped his right arm.
Manfred von Karma, the perfect prosecutor who could get through almost anything perfectly, was at a loss for words. But could anyone blame him? Sure, he had been assigned to many absurd cases, especially in LA, but this? Not even a well-prepared man like Manfred would wake up in the morning and think, 'Okay, how should I explain to my nine year-old daughter how my boss/ass of a childhood friend is trying to overcompensate for a part of his body that is… lacking?'
"It's actually quite simple, Franziska." Edgeworth chimed in, a smug grin formed on his face. "Chief Prosecutor Debeste has a great fondness for Italian meats and wished to express said fondness in that portrait for all to see."
"Oh, that makes sense!" Franziska chirped before flashing Edgeworth a look of determination. "Last one upstairs is a foolish defense attorney!" Franziska said before quickly dashing up the nearby stairway, dragging her suitcase behind her, as Edgeworth, with a light chuckle and a shake of his head, walked after her. However, before he could reach the stairway, he was stopped by the sound of his mentor clearing his throat, prompting the teen to turn around.
"Yes, sir?"
"… Thank you, Miles." Manfred mumbled under his breath, the process obviously causing him much discomfort. "That lie you told Franziska… You did… well."
"What can I say? I learned from the best." Edgeworth replied as he continued his way up the stairs.
Manfred proceeded to take his suitcase and go up to the second floor; where no sooner did he reach the top of the stairs, he heard the heated arguing of his two children from a nearby room.
Upon entering the bedroom that his children were arguing, Manfred was greeted to the sight of Edgeworth lying stomach-down on the ground with Franziska sitting square on his back, whipping him with her ridding crop as the maroon-suited teen tried his best to get up, but to no avail.
Manfred cleared his throat to get the attention of his children, but upon seeing that they were completely unaware of his presence, slammed the base of his cane against the room's hardwood floor, instantly altering the prosecutors-in-training to their father/mentor's presence.
"What in Santa's name is going on in here? Both of you get off of the floor this instant! You are von Karmas, not animals!" Manfred snapped.
Wasting no time, Edgeworth and Franziska got back onto their feet and stood military-style before the veteran prosecutor.
Manfred snapped his fingers. "Now, one of you will explain why I heard yelling from this room before seeing you on the ground squabbling like degenerate defense attorneys." The prosecutor ordered as he paced back and forth, giving both youths his infamous cold, empty stare.
Franziska, being the bold child she was, did not hesitate to tell what had happened in the short time that she and her adopted brother were upstairs.
"Well Papa, since I made it up here first, it only makes sense for me to have the first pick. Correct?"
Manfred nodded his head. "Yes."
"So, seeing how this room has a bed, I picked it." Franziska glared over at Edgeworth. "But Miles Edgeworth was being a sore loser and tried to claim this room for himself, so I had no choice but to defend my claim!"
"Hold it!" Manfred bellowed in a deep, gravelly voice. "You say that you chose this room because it has a bed, yet according to the deed, there are supposedly three bedrooms. Thus, excluding the master's bedroom, there should be two beds- one for each of you. So I fail to see what your foolish dispute was about."
"Sir, I was more than willing to let Franziska take this room, but the only other room does not have a bed, or even carpet." Edgeworth chimed in.
"Bah! That is utter nonsense. Show me this unfurnished room of which you speak of, boy." Manfred commanded, which Edgeworth replied to with a nod of his head and led his mentor, with Franziska walking closely behind him, down the hall to a room with a sign labeled 'Little Worthless Idiot's Room' taped to the closed door.
"Here it is, sir." Edgeworth gestured to the door. "Go inside and you'll see why I refuse to sleep in there."
Sure enough Edgeworth was telling the truth, for when Manfred opened the door, he was shocked to see that the room consisted of only a cement floor and a single flickering bulb hanging from the ceiling dimly illuminating the area; the closest thing to a bed present being a few sheets of dirty, grungy newspapers that looked like they were taken from a dumpster.
"As you can see, sir, this room is more suited to be a garage than a bedroom. Therefore, I believe that my reason for desiring the room that Franziska had claimed is perfectly justified."
"In that case, Miles, you will share the furnished bedroom with Franziska." Manfred stated.
"But Papa!" Franziska pouted. "I don't want to share a bed with Miles Edgeworth! He snores really loud and he screams in his sleep!"
"Well excuse me for have night terrors after having my father murdered in the same elevator that I almost died in myself due to oxygen deprivation!" Edgeworth defensively retorted.
"Fine. In that case, one of you can sleep on the couch in the living room."
"I nominate Miles Edgeworth." Franziska stated as she pointed her riding crop at her brother.
Oh, this was not going to happen. Edgeworth may have been a patient adolescent when it came to his younger adoptive sister's behavior- letting her win chess matches so that she wouldn't throw a hissy fit, giving her his slice of cake or pie at family gatherings so that he wouldn't have to deal with her complaining, tolerating her use of that accursed riding crop- but if Franziska thought for even a fraction of a second that he'd spend the night in that living room, where that disturbing painting would watch him sleep in all its phallic glory, then she had another thing coming.
"No." Edgeworth sternly replied with his arms crossed.
"What?" Franziska growled, bending her riding crop in her grip.
"You heard me, Franziska. I said 'no'."
As Franziska raised her arm in preparation to strike her adoptive brother with her trusty riding crop, Edgeworth did the unthinkable: with lightning-quick reflexes, he snatched his adoptive sister's weapon of choice out of her hand.
"Hey! Give me back my riding crop, you foolishly foolish fool!" Franziska screamed as she tried to grab her beloved riding crop from her adopted brother's hand, only for him to use his height to his advantage and hold it above his head.
"And let you whip me without listening to a single word that I have to say? No, I, as well as the rest of society, have been pretty tolerant of your behavior up until this point; but in regards to this dispute, I am putting my foot down and exerting my right as your older brother to justify my sleeping in an actual bed."
"Foolish as always, I see, Miles Edgeworth. It's actually kinda cute that you're under the delusion that you're the older sibling." Franziska scoffed.
"How is that being delusional when I'm actually older than you?"
"Simple." Franziska waggled her finger in a similar manner to that of her father and brother. "I was a part of the von Karma family first, so by definition that makes me the older sibling, little brother."
"Well, if I'm so 'little', then you should have no difficulties in reclaiming your riding crop." Edgeworth wryly retorted.
"Fine…" Without warning, Franziska slugged Edgeworth in the stomach, causing the adolescent to fall to his knees and allowing his sister to simply snatch her beloved riding crop from his weakened grip. "That was too easy, little brother!"
"You… cheated…!" Edgeworth wheezed as he struggled to regain his breath.
Franziska whipped Edgeworth. "I did not, you fool! You challenged me to retrieve my ridding crop and I did just that."
"Did so… you were… supposed to try to… actually grab… it from me."
"Did not!"
"Did so!"
"Did not!"
"Did so!"
"Did not!"
"Did-"
"Enough!" Manfred bellowed with a snap of his fingers. "If you two are not mature enough to come to a civilized conclusion on your own, then the responsibility falls on me. Franziska…" Manfred pointed his cane at his young daughter, prompting her to stick out her tongue at her 'little' brother as a proclamation of victory. "Move your suitcase out of Miles' room and take it down to the living room."
"But Papa, it's not fair! I'm your perfect child! ME! Not that foolishly foolish runt of a foolishly foolish defense attorney! So if anyone deserves to be treated like an animal, it's him!" Franziska pouted as she pointed her riding crop at the still-downed Edgeworth.
"'Not fair?' Bah! Life isn't fair, Franziska! That is an important lesson that you must learn if you wish to become perfect. Do you think that life was fair when Miles' foolish father caused me to suffer my first penalty? Of course not! But did I complain? No, I took it in stride and used it as a learning experience. So stop acting like a foolish child and heed my orders."
"But I'm a child, Papa!" Franziska whined.
"Franziska, this is the last place that I want to be right now, so I will only say this once: Talk back to me again and you will be in for a real shock." Manfred smirked as he pulled out his trusty stun gun. "Do I make myself clear?"
"*gulp* Perfectly." Franziska nervously replied with wide eyes as her little body slightly trembled.
"Good." Manfred returned his stun gun to his pocket. "As much as I despise this trip, I despise wasting time more. With that in mind, we will be going to the beach in exactly 30 minutes from now. Anyone not ready in time will face punishment."
With a nod of her head, Franziska scurried off to get her suitcase, followed by Edgeworth, who had just gotten back on his feet, limping after her.
With his children in line, all Manfred had to do now was take his suitcase to the master bedroom, unpack and properly organize his clothes and hygiene products in the closet and bathroom, respectively, change into his swim trunks, and apply his sunblock- because Manfred von Karma did not deal with the easily-preventable imperfection that is sunburn.
However, Manfred was going to be dealing with his own bedroom issue that day, for when he entered Blaise's room, he was greeted to the sight of a queen-sized bed with bright red satin covers, even more biker memorabilia, and a portrait opposite the bed that consisted of Blaise, once again nude, posed like Michelangelo's David, with the same disturbing enlargement as the other portrait.
"Gah!" Manfred flinched at the sight of this new portrait. Note to self: After this trip, get revenge on Blaise- strike him down so that he will rue the day that he thought of messing with the von Karma! Manfred glanced at the portrait, giving it a scowl as dirty as its content. But before I plan my retribution, I have to eliminate that portrait without altering the room...
Ten minutes later, as Manfred was busy with his own unpacking, Edgeworth had just finished unpacking his suitcase and put on his maroon swim trunks, but before lathering himself with sunscreen, he decided to head downstairs to apologize to Franziska for his behavior earlier. And even though she had started the dispute, as the bigger person- both figuratively and literally- it was his responsibility to apologize for his action.
"Franziska, I-" The adolescent cut himself off upon noticing Franziska's suitcase, which hadn't even been open yet, lying on the couch with its owner nowhere in sight.
Edgeworth carefully scanned the room. "Franziska, where are you? I wish to speak to you about our earlier dispute?" The adolescent asked, receiving no reply other than the sound of opening cabinets in the nearby kitchen.
Upon rounding the corner and entering the small kitchen, which had a red and white tiled floor reminiscent of a 50's burger joint, Edgeworth found Franziska with her head in a cabinet under the sink, mumbling to herself as she haphazardly threw various soaps and cleaners over her shoulder and onto the floor- which was littered with several other various boxes, bottles, and cans- signifying that she had been searching through the other cabinets for something.
"Franziska…" Edgeworth stated, though was completely ignored by his younger sister.
"Fraziska…" Edgeworth sated a bit louder, but was once again ignored.
A scowl of irritation formed on his face, Edgeworth bent down and gently put his hand on Franziska's back, causing her to scream in terror before quickly turning around and lashing him with her riding crop.
"Why…!" Edgeworth snarled, gripping his wounded face in his hand. "Why is it that every time I speak with you, I end up getting lashed with your riding crop?"
"Maybe if you weren't trying to foolishly scare me to death, I wouldn't have to whip you!" Franziska scowled at Edgeworth as she bent her riding crop, obviously still shaken up.
"Well maybe if you were actually paying attention to your surroundings, I wouldn't have had to tap you on the shoulder, thus startling you." Edgeworth responded, earning him another lash.
"Why did you even come in here, Miles Edgeworth? To startle me for your sick satisfaction?"
"As I said, it was never my intention to frighten you. I originally wanted only to apologize for my actions earlier, but now I'm more curious as to why you are rummaging through Chief Prosecutor Debeste's cabinets- especially after your father warned us not to touch anything."
"Well, little brother, I was merely checking to see what kinds of foodstuffs Unky Boo Boo owns so that way I educate him on how he can perfect his diet."
Edgeworth chuckled, a smug grin forming on his face.
"Wipe that foolish grin off your foolishly foolish face, Miles Edgeworth, before I do it for you!" Franziska yelled with a stomp of her foot.
"I'm just saying, Franziska, if you simply want a snack, then don't hesitate to say so. I won't think any less of you."
Franziska lashed Edgeworth with her riding crop, effectively wiping the grin off his face.
"Don't be foolish, Miles Edgeworth! Perfect prodigies like me don't need snacks; though I can't say the same for fools such as you." Franziska boasted as she waggled her finger.
"Good, because it would be very unlikely to find any sort of foodstuffs on account of this being a beach house- a place where Chief Prosecutor Debeste probably doesn't visit for months at a time. Ergo, if he were to store food here, it would probably spoil well before he'd return."
"You don't know that." Franziska pouted with her arms crossed.
Edgeworth tapped his forehead. "Don't I…? Judging from the variety of products scattered about this room, it's safe to assume that you've searched the fridge and every cabinet here. So tell me, Franziska, did you find anything edible?"
"No…" Franziska grumbled.
"As I thought." Edgeworth boasted.
"Hold it!" Franziska shouted, pointing her riding crop at her brother. "I haven't found anything to eat because I haven't checked every last place."
"And where exactly didn't you check?"
Franziska pointed her riding crop upwards at a cabinet a few feet above the sink. "Up there."
"Franziska, if there wasn't any food in the lower cabinets and the refrigerator, then I highly doubt that there will be any in a cupboard nine feet off the ground."
Franziska waggled her finger again, trying ever so hard to be like her father. "Do you have any evidence to support your claim, little brother? So unless we investigate the cabinet, then my search shan't end. Now get up there and open that cabinet!" The young girl ordered with a lash of her riding crop against her 'little' brother's torso.
"First of all, ow." Edgeworth wryly commented. "And second, why me? Why can't you do it?"
"Look at me, Miles Edgeworth…" Franziska said, gesturing to her petite form. "How do you foolishly expect an elegant woman of my height to reach up there?"
"Oh, and I'm Goliath? Newsflash, Franziska, I'm 5'6". So how do you expect me to reach that cabinet without a ladder?"
"The sink." Franziska bluntly replied, pointing her riding crop at the sink. "Climb on top of the sink and check the cupboard for me."
Edgeworth crossed his arms and closed his eyes. "And risk potential injury? I think not. Perhaps you could use the sink as a stepstool."
Franziska crossed her own arms, perfectly mimicking her 'little' brother. "Miles Edgeworth, if I have to climb that sink, then I won't unpack my suitcase."
Edgeworth shrugged. "Fine by me. If you wish to be on the receiving end of your father's stun gun, then who am I to object?"
"You will be when I tell Papa that the reason why I didn't unpack was because you forced me to search the kitchen for food." Franziska smugly retorted.
Edgeworth flinched in shock. "Ludicrous! That was clearly your idea!"
"Objection!" Franziska yelled before waggling her finger. "Miles Edgeworth, have you forgotten the most important rule of Law?"
"Evidence is everything." Edgeworth responded matter-of-factly.
"It seems you aren't completely foolish after all..." Franziska sneered. "So tell me, Miles Edgeworth, what evidence do you have proving that searching the kitchen was my idea?" The young girl asked, pointing her riding crop at her brother.
"And what evidence do you have proving that it was mine?" Edgeworth retorted, fiercely pointing at his sister.
"Take that!" Franziska shouted as she gestured to her outfit.
"Edgeworth cocked his head in confusion. "Your… dress? What does that have to do with the issue at hand?"
Franziska smirked at the clueless look on her brother's face. "Once a fool, always a fool... Did you forget how I discovered that you were in this room?"
"Yes, you weren't listening to me, so I…" Edgeworth flinched, his eyes bugging out of his head. "N-Nghooo!"
Franziska waggled her finger as she seized this perfect opportunity to go on the offensive. "That's right, Miles Edgeworth, you placed your hand on my back. With that in mind, if Papa were to run a fingerprint test on my dress, he would be very interested to know why your entire handprint was on my back."
"Nggghhh!" Edgeworth grunted through clenched teeth, his fist trembling and clenched. "F-Fine… I'll check the cabinet."
"Good boy!" Franziska chirped. "Now up you go!"
Bending to his sister's will, Edgeworth climbed up on top of the sink, grumbling to himself, and, being careful to maintain his balance, opened the cupboard. However, instead of finding foodstuffs or cleaning products, Edgeworth saw that the cabinet was stuffed full of metal kitchen implements- so stuffed that upon opening the cabinet, all of the heavy metal utensils, which included a bread maker, a milkshake mixer, and a snow cone machine, poured out of the cabinet and onto Edgeworth, sending the adolescent falling to the ground with an embarrassingly feminine scream and a loud crashing sound.
Walking up to her little brother, who was trapped under the large pile of kitchen implements and was struggling to get up, Franziska only added to his plain by lashing his face with her riding crop.
"Miles Edgeworth! What was that foolishly foolish act of tomfoolery? Are you trying to get us in trouble?!"
With a red lash mark on his face, Edgeworth glowered at his sister with a fierce scowl. "Yes, Franziska, I'm fine! Thank you for taking concern for your poor brother!"
Franziska shot Edgeworth a scowl in return. "What are you talking about, Miles Edgeworth? I was reprimanding you, not trying to take care of you!"
"I was being sarcastic!" Edgeworth yelled.
Franziska blushed upon realizing her folly. "Oh…"
"Now help me get out of this pile before-"
"What was that noise!?" Manfred yelled as he made his way to the kitchen.
"Your father gets here." Edgeworth said in a dull, emotionless voice.
Manfred rushed into the room. "Edgeworth, Franziska! I heard a loud noise and…" The veteran prosecutor cut himself off as he noticed his adopted son's current situation. "Miles, why are you under a large mound of kitchen appliances?" Manfred calmly asked, crossing his arms and tapping a finger against his bicep.
"Hello, sir…" Edgeworth nervously responded. "Before I explain it to you, would you mind helping me out of this pile? I have good reason to believe that I cut my armpit and wish to disinfect it."
Manfred slapped his forehead and shook his head. "On second thought, don't tell me. Save it for when we get home so that I can better punish you. Franziska, help your brother and then unpack your suitcase. Don't think that I haven't noticed that it's still unopened. Franziska, like I said before, we may be on vacation, but that does not excuse you to become sloppy. Do I make myself clear?"
Franziska trembled as her eyes filled with fear. "Y-Yes, Papa."
As Franziska struggled to pull Edgeworth out from the pile of kitchen utensils, Manfred made his way back to the master bedroom, sighing to himself as he wondered how this trip could get any worse. Though unbeknownst to the veteran prosecutor, this was only the beginning...