I was floored. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and silently begged that it wasn't true, that I had heard wrong. Silent, completely silent, I sat back on my heels and tried to let it sink in. I fumbled reaching over the edge of the bed to grab my underwear and put them back on, still stiff and stunned. Phil didn't bother with his clothes, just pulled the blanket to cover himself. Once I regained focus, I looked to him, and saw how he wouldn't look me in the eye, but had a set look on his face.

"You have AIDS." I didn't voice it much like a question, but I hoped desperately that he would deny it, that it was a misunderstanding or some sick joke he was pulling. But he didn't look like he was joking, and he didn't say anything in response. I moved closer to him to let him know that I wasn't leaving this bed without some answers. "Are you serious?"

He nodded shakily, and I was stunned again for a briefer moment than before.

"And you've been having sex with several men a night?" He nodded again, and my tone grew a bit louder. "Is it at least protected sex?" I asked urgently, grabbing his shoulder and hoping to get a straight, verbal answer out of him. I needed him to say yes.

"They don't bring them, and Daddy doesn't supply any."

"So you're spreading the virus. Please… Please tell me you just found out at the hospital tonight."

He didn't answer, but I knew. I was shocked; this wasn't the Phil I thought I'd come to know over the last week or so. It was unbearably confusing and it was only once I found this horrible fact out that I realized how much I'd come to care about and appreciate him, maybe even love him.

I lashed out in my frustration and disappointment, hitting him in the arm a bit harder than I'd meant to. In my anger I barely noticed how he'd flinched. "Why the fuck are you doing this? Don't you know you could pass it on to people and they could die because of you?" I wasn't meaning to sound so harsh, and somewhere deep inside I really did want to get his side of it, have some patience and understanding, but the much larger part of me just couldn't. I was angry and wasn't about to hold back now.

"Yes," he answered curtly, a scowl on his face and tears in his eyes.

"And you don't care?"

"They'll get what they take. Let God and fate deal them they hand they deserve."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "And if they're infected, anyone they sleep with might be, too. Do they deserve it, Phil?"

He didn't answer me, and I shook his shoulder hard to get a response. "No," he cried out, "but if they're coming to me all the time odds are they're not sleeping with anyone else!" He yanked himself from my grasp. "And how the fuck would I be able to pass it on if I hardly ever get to cum anyway? They're not gonna get infected just from fucking me like the whore pigs they are!"

"That's not the fucking point, Phil, the point is you're knowingly doing this. You know what could happen, you're proving it right now that you know how HIV is spread. And from how sick you are I know you know how awful it is."

"I was fifteen!" he shouted, voice breaking. "The bastard who gave it to me didn't fucking warn me about it. This is the only fucking life I know, Dan. If it gets out that I have AIDS I'll never have another customer, and Daddy will leave me on my own and then what the fuck would I do? This is all I have, Dan. Why the fuck do you think I stay?"

I didn't know what to say to that, but I was still fuming. I leaned back for a minute, trying to calm down and speak rationally about this after the initial shock and shame subsided. After a long moment, I faced him again, and spoke more softly. "Does Dane know?"

Phil shook his head, apparently calmed down a bit, too. "No. I couldn't tell him, he'd drop me in an instant. And that would only hurt both of us."

"Because he wouldn't be making money off you anymore—"

"Because he loves me. He's in love with me, Dan, and I know it would break his heart to have to let me go."

I hated hearing this. I couldn't actually believe that a pimp was somehow in love with one of his prostitutes, and that the prostitute was returning some of that sentiment. It made me gag to think that Phil was living this way. "That's disgusting, I don't believe that."

"He is. He cares about me, more than the others. And it's not just because I'm the biggest cash cow for him to rake in money for. He's sweet to me; he takes care of me. More than Shiba or Sunny or Bijou or Angel, he makes sure I'm safe, especially when I'm with a client. Some men I service try to argue the payment; he refuses to let them go without paying full price, even though he could just take it all for himself if it came up short. He doesn't pay me much but he makes sure I don't go without some compensation. And he's quicker to spend the money on me than on anything or anyone else. Honestly, the girls would never have been able to go to the hospital if they got sick, because Daddy doesn't have insurance and he'd have to pay up front. He makes sure I'm healthy not so I can work, but so I'll be alright. And that's part of why I don't tell him what's wrong, because I know it'll break his heart to hear."

"You're not medicated, are you?"

He shook his head. "Can't afford it, and can't afford to tell Daddy about it. And maybe it's stupid but by the time I realized that maybe it would've been better to just tell him, I was already in too deep. Now all I can do is try not to get sick." He had to pause for a rough coughing fit. I tried to make myself believe that if he had gone so long without hacking, then maybe he was getting better. Or at least not getting worse.

"You… You said you contracted it when you were fifteen. That was when…"

"We met, yeah. When I got tested that day I came up positive. That was in the time that Daddy was still trying to get me dependent on him, so when I'd misbehave, he'd kick me out briefly so I could learn how lost I was without him. That's what you saw at the Monroe."

Events two years old were starting to click together. I nodded slowly. "And you care about this guy because he broke you and made you rely on him from a young and impressionable age."

"No," he was quick to defend. "I care about him because, even what he is and what he's doing, he's always been good to me. He gave me a safe word to shout out whenever one of the customers gets a little too out of hand. I can't tell you how many times he's come and saved me from them, saved my life."

"And for all the times he's saved your life, he's just gonna be all the more crushed when he realizes there's something going on that he can't save you from." He looked honestly lost at the realization, somewhat brokenhearted. "I think you should tell him."

He swallowed hard and coughed a few times. "I-I'll think about it. In… In the meantime, will you… still stay with me, Dan…?"

I took a moment to think everything over, compile everything I'd learn in that last half hour or so. Then I looked to him, into his sad, tired blue eyes, and I just couldn't be mad at him even when I knew I should be. "Okay, yeah. Don't worry, baby, I'm here."