Chapter 21 – Promises & Betrayals
Everyone in the study simultaneously held their breath as Fergus stopped just inside the doorway, the smug smile on his face melting as his gaze landed on Nathaniel. Curiosity quickly turned to rage, his face turning an alarming shade of red as his hands shook with the intensity of his emotions.
"Get your bloody hands of my niece you traitorous bastard!" he bellowed, effectively startling Jocelyn awake.
"Oh good job," Anders muttered sarcastically as the little girl wailed in protest.
Alyx jumped to her feet and crossed the room to calm her daughter with a gentle brush of her fingers. She murmured a few low, comforting words before turning to shoot her brother a scathing look.
"Damnit, Alyx—" Fergus growled as he stalked towards them like a panther on the prowl.
"Fergus, stop," she hissed, halting his progress with a hand to his chest. "If you would just let me explain—" but Fergus was beyond listening.
"Just what the bloody hell is he doing here? And for the love of the Maker someone take Jocelyn away from him!"
"Nate, stay right where you are. Fergus, other room. Now," Alyx demanded with a shove to his chest to punctuate her point.
At first Fergus simply glared at her, but after a tense moment he acquiesced. He stormed after her into the adjoining room, slamming the door smartly behind him. In fact he slammed it so hard the door popped back open again, just far enough for the rest of them to hear every word of the sibling's argument.
"Have you taken leave of your senses? Letting a Howe into your home after all that we've been through? And just what are you thinking allowing my niece anywhere near the traitorous bastard?" Fergus shouted.
"Spare me the dramatics, Fergus. Nathaniel is no traitor and my daughter is perfectly safe with him. Do you honestly believe that I would put my child in danger? Do you really have so little faith in me?" Alyx spat back.
"It's not you that I am concerned about! His father had our entire family slaughtered, or have you already forgotten that?"
"Precisely. His father, Fergus. Nathaniel had nothing to do with it. He wasn't even in the same country for Maker's sake, and yet you blame him for that which he could not possibly be responsible for!"
"He is a Howe!" Fergus bellowed, as if that single word was the very essence of evil incarnate.
Nate inwardly winced, cursing his father's iniquity for perhaps the thousandth time. He knew that seeing Fergus wouldn't be easy, but he hadn't expected such stark vehemence from his former friend. He could admit to himself that he thought Fergus the man would turn out to be the same affable, tolerant boy he had known all those years ago, but it was obvious that the loss of his family and the hardships of war had scarred him, changed him…just as Nate's time in the Free Marches had fundamentally changed him. He strained to hear the rest of the argument, praying that Alyx would somehow be able to convince her brother to see reason.
"This is my home Fergus, and my men. What I say goes, and what I say is that he belongs here," Alyx snapped.
"Arlessa you may be, but I am your Overlord and ultimately what I say goes. I say he leaves, Alyx, the sooner the better," Fergus replied, a smug tone in his voice.
"Dirty pool, Fergus, and you know it. Besides, he is a Grey Warden and as such, out of bounds. You have no power over him."
"You made him a warden?" Fergus sputtered. "Why the bloody hell would you do such a thing?"
"Because it is what he is meant to be!" she yelled, her voice echoing off the walls before the room was filled with an icy silence. Nate's heart skipped a beat. "Look, I'm not asking you to renew your friendship with him. I'm not even asking you to like him, just…give him a chance Fergus, I beg you. Nate has proven himself to be an honorable and loyal man both to me and to the Order. He deserves a chance to reclaim his good name, and I have given it to him in good faith. I trust him with my life, as do the others. He wouldn't be here otherwise," Alyx said, her voice clear and definite.
"Oh, Nate is it? Honorable and loyal is it? I see what's going on now. You're fucking him, aren't you?" Fergus spat in accusation, his tone clipped and harsh.
A sharp thwack cracked through the room. Nate's eyes widened in surprise. There was no way he could know for sure, but it sounded as if Alyx just slapped her brother, and hard judging by the sound.
"That degrades us both," she said in a low, dangerous tone.
"Alyx, I—" Fergus began.
"No! I'm through listening to your inane arguments!" Alyx snapped, voice shaking with rage. "I neither wish to see or speak to you until you are able to at least pretend to be courteous. If you can't even do that then you might as well turn around and bloody well go back to Highever!"
Yet another strained silence followed this last statement. Nate was beginning to wonder what was going on in the next room when the door began to open. Everyone quickly turned their heads away as if they hadn't been listening to every word with bated breath, but not quick enough for Fergus not to notice. He glared at them all, setting his jaw at a stubborn angle and proudly squaring his shoulders despite the angry red mark blooming on his left cheek. Without a word he stormed across the room, slamming the study door behind him. When he was gone Alyx slipped back inside, her face pale and drawn, her lips pressed into a thin line.
"I'm sorry you all had to witness that," she said softly.
Leliana immediately jumped to her feet and crossed the room to console her sister-in-law, squeezing her arm lightly in reassurance.
"Do not worry, ma petite. He'll come 'round in time, just wait and see," Leliana cooed soothingly.
"Do you wish me to go speak with him?" Arl Teagan offered gallantly.
"I appreciate the offer Teagan, but my brother won't listen to anyone in this mood," Alyx replied with a wobbly half-smile.
Teagan bowed his head in acknowledgment, his own mouth tilting up into a small, meaningful smile. Nate ground his teeth together. It killed him that she was on a first name basis with the man and that he was somehow integrated into her small circle of trust. It made him wonder precisely why the Arl was included and how he found out about Jocelyn in the first place.
"I think I'll just take Jocelyn up to bed now. I'll be back in time for supper," she said quietly as she crossed the room to collect the little girl (who had amazingly fallen back to sleep) from Nate's lap.
When Alyx bent to take Jocelyn, Nate swiftly closed his hand over hers. She looked up at him, surprise in the depths of her cerulean eyes. There was so much he wanted to say to her: Thank you for defending me, for believing in me, for trusting in me, but the words would not come. Instead he prayed his thoughts would show through in his searching gaze. Something must have because she smiled at him, slow and warm, and squeezed his hand before lifting her daughter into her arms and turning to leave.
A heavy, uncomfortable silence permeated the room after Alyx's departure until Teagan cleared his throat.
"I'll, uh, just go see how supper's coming along, shall I?" he said before quickly taking his leave.
"So, Zevran…is now an appropriate time to explain Jocelyn to us?" Anders asked the elf the moment the door closed behind the Arl.
"Before you begin…I had a question, if I may?" Nate interrupted. "Actually, it is more a theory than anything."
Zevran and Leliana shot a loaded look at each other, but Zevran nodded and gestured for him to continue.
"From what you said earlier I'm assuming she has kept the child a secret in order to protect her. With that being said, I wondered if I was right in thinking that it is Weisshaupt and the First Warden that she is attempting to keep Jocelyn's existence from," he said.
"Ah, an excellent theory, but I fear the bulk of her concern lies closer to home than that," Zevran replied evenly. "I assume you have already surmised that Alistair is the father?" When both Anders and Nate confirmed this, Zevran nodded in satisfaction. "Good. Now, tell me…what do you know of the man?"
"What? Besides he and the Commander being lovers?" Anders began. "Well, let's see…he was one of only two Grey Wardens to survive Ostagar…Falcon being the other of course…that they traveled together during the blight and died killing the archdemon."
"Is that all?" Zevran asked, eyebrows shooting up in question.
"Well—" Anders began, but faltered when nothing came to mind.
"Oghren said something about them having been engaged," Nate supplied. "But beyond that and what Anders has told you, I know nothing else of the man."
"So you know nothing of his parentage?" Zevran pressed.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Anders asked.
"It has everything to do with it," Leliana replied quietly, promptly earning their full and undivided attention. "Alistair was the bastard son of King Maric. What's more, he was named heir and rightful king shortly before the end of the blight."
"What?" Anders and Nate both cried at the same time.
"So Falcon was nearly queen?" Anders squeaked in surprise, his face paling and then flushing as a wide smile crossed his face. "That's fantastic."
Leliana chuckled.
"I wholeheartedly agree, though she was nearly as frightened about the prospect as her husband-to-be…and that is saying something! It is a shame if you ask me. Alistair enjoyed playing the fool but he was really quite intelligent and more importantly, he had a noble and compassionate heart. Their combined abilities would have made them a formidable pair indeed."
"Yes, but had he survived Alyx would not have. Surely you see that?" Nate asked quietly.
"Yes, of course. I only meant…what I was attempting to say was…never mind," replied, her face flushing with embarrassment.
"I wonder…did he know of her pregnancy?" Nate continued.
"Not that we knew. Falcon didn't even realize until after she returned to Highever…a full month after the Battle of Denerim and over four since the, uh, approximate time of conception."
"It took her more than four months to realize she was with child? How is that even possible?" Anders gasped.
"I asked that very same question when she told me of her condition. From what I gather since she was told that pregnancy was out of the question she assumed her absent fluxes were yet another enigma of the taint. Even as other common signs appeared she claimed she never once considered that she may be with child," Leliana replied. "Whether or not Alistair knew would make little difference. Either way he would never have let Alyx sacrifice herself."
"How was she even able to hide such a thing for so long?" Anders asked. "I mean, I've never been to Highever Castle, but no doubt it is a massive place with a large staff and any number of merchants and nobles wandering in and out as you please. Surely someone would have realized eventually?"
"Falcon remained confined to the family quarters once she could no longer hide her condition, and any visitors were turned away with the excuse that she was ill. It wasn't necessarily a lie either. Between a number of near miscarriages and the severe depression that set in after Alistair's death it was a difficult pregnancy and an even more difficult birth. It is an experience neither of us would ever wish to go through again. After all, she nearly died and Jocelyn along with her," Leliana told them. "Indeed, if it weren't for Arl Teagan, that's exactly what would've happened."
"What? What does he have anything to do with it?" Nate asked in surprise.
"Fergus had invited Teagan to Highever for a hunt, as it was a pastime they both enjoyed and had been unable to share for several years. Since the babe wasn't due for a few more weeks and the men would be out of the castle for most of his stay, Fergus believed there was little danger of his friend learning of Falcon's condition. Falcon, on the other hand, was restless from her long confinement and feeling a bit peckish. As soon as she saw the men leave she left her room through the servant's passages to keep from being seen. In the meantime Teagan realized that he had left his prized hunting horn in his quarters, and thus decided to return to the castle to retrieve it. Having run tame in Highever Castle from childhood he knew of the shortcut through the servant's passage. He found Falcon at the base of the stairs, half-conscious and delirious with pain. The labor pains had come on so swiftly and strongly she had no time to head back or call for help. Without a word Teagan carried her back to her rooms and searched the castle for Wynne. To this day I believe that had he not found her when he did, Falcon would not have made it through the delivery. There were…complications," Leliana finished.
"What sort of 'complications?'" Anders asked, narrowing his eyes.
"The sort that only a healer of Wynne's abilities would be able handle. I know little of childbirth and spent most of the process holding Falcon's hand, murmuring comforting words so that she would stay calm and focused. In reality I think it was more so that I was not afraid. I've seen less blood on a battlefield then I did that day, but if you really want to know you'll have to ask Wynne," Leliana replied.
"But we have gone too far off track," Zevran said impatiently. "You are wondering why our dear Warden-Commander keeps her daughter a secret from the whole of Thedas, no?"
"A child of Theirin and Cousland blood…that is a potent combination," Nate murmured. "One that many would do much to see on the throne."
"Yes, but Jocelyn is a bastard. Surely that makes a difference?" Anders asked.
"It didn't for Alistair," Zevran replied with a shrug. "Though that hardly signifies in her case."
"And why is that?"
"Because Jocelyn is not a bastard," Alyx's voice rung out from the open study door. Her expression was hard and deadly serious as she leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest. "Alistair and I were married in secret, at Redcliffe, the night before we marched on Denerim. Until this moment I thought only three others beside myself, Alistair and the Maker knew that little tidbit. How did you learn of it Zevran?" she asked the elf coldly as she straightened and entered the room.
"I saw the two of you leaving the castle that night. Curious, I asked myself, 'Now Zevran, why would our two dear Wardens be sneaking around in the middle of the night?' So I followed you, of course. To my surprise, the hooded figure you were meeting by the shores of Lake Calenhad was none other than the Reverend Mother in all her matronly glory. If I hadn't figured it out there and then, the sight of the two of you kneeling in front of her while she recited the Maker's words would be more than enough for anyone," Zevran recounted, the last bit making Alyx roll her eyes and snort in a very unladylike fashion. "I have to hand it to our dear Alistair, I didn't think he had it in him…a secret, lakeside wedding with no one but the moon and stars as witness? 'Tis a shame you didn't invite the rest of us. It truly was a sight to behold."
"Oh, how romantic," Leliana breathed as she clasped her hands in front of her.
"You've heard this before, Leli," Alyx said, an expression of amusement crossing her face.
"I am a woman and reserve the right to sigh over romantic gestures," Leliana replied with a sniff, making Alyx smile.
"The ring," Nathaniel said suddenly, speaking up for the first time since Alyx reentered the room.
She turned and nodded at him in approval.
"It was once King Maric's. Eamon gave it to Alistair after the Landsmeet in good faith, and when he died…well…Eamon knew of our nuptials and thought it only appropriate that I keep it. After all, I too was a Theirin even if it was in marriage alone."
Nate nodded in understanding.
"But you were publically engaged to him. Why marry in secret?" Anders asked.
"We knew of the dangers we would be facing once we reached Denerim…that there was a chance that one or the both of us wouldn't be walking away from this. Alistair wanted to go into battle knowing if he died it would be with the knowledge that we were one in the Maker's eyes, not just in our own hearts. If we were lucky enough to survive then we would have the extravagant public wedding everyone expected and no one need know that we were already wed."
"And Arl Eamon just went along with this?" Nate asked, an eyebrow raised in question.
"Maker, no! He wasn't told until after the fact, and even then he was furious that we had done something so rash. Of course telling him at all had been completely Alistair's idea. Though Eamon is a good man at the time I felt he was far too involved in court politics to trust lightly. Alistair had utter faith in him, as a son would have in a father. Luckily his trust was well-founded, as Eamon has proven himself to be a constant and loyal friend," Alyx replied.
"So, Jocelyn is the true heir?" Anders asked, a touch of shock lacing his voice.
"Some would think so, but technically she is not," Alyx said. "Alistair may have been named King, but he never made it to his coronation. That wouldn't matter to some people though. Anora has her enemies, and there are those who would risk anything to have a Theirin on the throne once again."
"And what of you?" he asked.
"Me?"
"You married the man. Couldn't you claim the throne for yourself?"
"No. It doesn't work that way, nor would I ever want such a thing," she replied.
"Does Queen Anora know?" Nate asked suddenly, unsure of what made him think of it, but needing to know the answer.
"No, and she can never learn of her existence," Alyx replied in a soft tone that belied the fear laced in her voice. "She is the very reason why I must keep my daughter a secret."
Nate watched her as she crossed the room to stand in front of the hearth, hands clasped behind her back. She stared into the flames, emotions fluttering across her face as quickly as the shadows cast by the weak light.
"I've never really liked Anora though I can respect her for what she is...a woman of power. She has intelligence and cunning to spare and knows the game of politics better than anyone. She is well loved by the people and has done a fair job of keeping the peace since the end of the war. I do not always agree with her methods, but I cannot argue the results. Unfortunately, she is her father's daughter in more ways than one. If she were to ever find out that the Theirin line yet lives through my daughter, there is no telling what she would do."
"You don't honestly think that the Queen would have a child...an innocent babe for Maker's sake…murdered, just for being what she is?" Anders asked incredulously.
"I wouldn't put it past her," Zevran interjected. "I have seen Anora's kind before. She craves power, and will do anything both to have it and to keep it once acquired."
"She has proven this on more than one occasion," Alyx added in agreement. "During the blight Arl Eamon called a Landsmeet contesting Loghain's claim as regent and putting Alistair forward as the true heir to the throne. Anora promised our support during the Landsmeet, claiming her father had gone mad and needed to be stopped. She then pulled me aside and tried to convince me to support her instead of Alistair for the crown. When I dismissed her request she turned on us."
"What's more, she refused to pledge fealty to Alistair when he was named," Leliana said as she continued the tale in her soft, lilting voice. "He could've had her killed but instead he had her imprisoned, just in case the unthinkable happened, which of course it did. She even admitted that had she been in his shoes she would've had him executed."
"Anora hated Alistair for reasons I still cannot fathom, and I'm pretty sure she hated Cailan as well. We found substantial evidence that he had been planning on discarding her due to her inability to produce an heir. Of course now that she has a son of her own it is pretty obvious that it was Cailan who was to blame on that front," Alyx said. "The very fact that she has an heir makes her all the more dangerous. She would see Jocelyn as a threat to her and her son's throne. It would take very little for such an idea to push her over the edge, just as the idea of Orlesian forces in Fereldan drove Loghain to madness."
"The Wardens are popular but especially you Commander for your part in ending the blight," Anders replied. "There would be a public outcry were she to commit such a grievous sin against you."
"She is Queen, Anders. She has more than enough resources in her arsenal to do so without anyone ever catching on."
"You do realize you won't be able to hide her forever?" Nate added cautiously. "She is already the spitting image of you, Lex. Someone is bound to notice and report it back to her."
"Yes, I realize that, but all I can do is try…" but Alyx was beginning to choke up now. Leliana rubbed her back in the attempts to calm her down. Nate had never seen her so close to sheer, bloody panic.
"I'm beginning to understand your concerns," he said softly. "But there is just one last thing I need to know." Alyx sniffed and looked up at him, searching his eyes.
"Do you wish Jocelyn to take the throne?" he asked finally, his steely-grey gaze drilling into hers.
"No," she said with finality. "What I want is for my daughter to be happy and healthy. I want her to grow up knowing she is safe and loved, and I want to give her the most normal childhood I can, considering she has a Grey Warden for a Mother," she added with a small, ironic smile.
Nate nodded in approval. It was exactly the answer he wanted to hear.
"Then I pledge to do everything in my power to protect her," he said, standing to offer his hand. Alyx looked at it hesitantly at first and then reached out to take it firmly in hers. "Blood to blood, my honor for yours," he pledged.
Alyx swallowed hard, but nodded in gratitude.
"I'm in, Commander!" Oghren crowed as he jumped to his feet, albeit on the wobbly side. He crossed the room and offered his hand, repeating the words that Nathaniel had recited from the depths of his heart. "Blood te blood, my honor fer yers," he swore, eyes bright with drink and enthusiasm.
Anders stood and sauntered over to her, offering his own hand.
"Just so you know, you could've told us all of this sooner," he said with a smirk. "Then perhaps I would've beat Howe at making up the new, nifty handshake. Oh well, perhaps I can make up the Grey Warden secret knock instead?" he continued with a wink before repeating the same words as the others.
Even Leliana and Zevran did the same. Though neither were Wardens, they understood the meaning behind the words. It was a moment that Nate would not soon forget.
"Supper is ready, My Lady," one of the maid's announced from the doorway. She nodded in acknowledgment and thanked the girl before the group headed out to the dining hall.
Nate couldn't help but notice how her expression fell as they entered. Arl Teagan was there but not her brother. It stood to reason that Fergus was still fuming and had refused to come down to supper as he should.
"I'll go up and speak with him, see if I can't get him to join us, hmm?" Leliana said before turning on her heel and flitting out of the room. Alyx had smiled at her gratefully, but hadn't replied otherwise.
The first course was served as soon as they were all seated. The food was rich and plentiful, absolutely heavenly in comparison to what the Wardens had been eating for the past couple of weeks. Leliana soon rejoined them, but when Alyx shot her a questioning look she could only shake her head, a sad, understanding smile crossing her lips.
"Give him time, ma petite," she whispered to her as she warmly squeezed her arm. Alyx smiled at her sadly before turning back to the meal.
The more courses they passed through, the more boisterous and animated the conversation became. Nate figured it had something to do with the mottled wine which was flowing freely throughout the meal, though instead it could just be the unusual combination of personalities around the table. Leliana was an exquisite story teller and was currently charming Teagan and Anders with one of her many Orlesian tales. He guessed that Oghren and Zevran were having some sort of competition, for neither would be outdone by the others lascivious comments. Nate sat back and watched it all, realizing that their simple meal had turned into something of a celebration. The room was practically brimming over with mirth, yet the one person who should be celebrating more than any of them remained silent and aloof. Sure, she spoke if someone asked her a direct question, and with a beauteous smile spread across her lovely face but other than that she kept to herself.
Her distraction grew worse as the night wore on and Nate was growing concerned. Her face had gone pale, her eyes glassy and hooded. He hadn't thought she had more than one glass of the wine, but he hadn't been paying close enough attention to be sure. It was strong wine after all.
"Are you all right, dear-heart?" Leliana asked her, finally noticing Alyx's distraction.
"I…I'm fine. I think I'll just…retire for the evening," she said in a low, hoarse voice as she slowly got to her feet.
"Are you sure? I could come with you if you'd like," Leliana replied, her brow furrowing in concern.
"I'm fine, Leli, really. Just…tired…is all," she stuttered, gaining the attention of the rest of the group.
"Falcon?" Anders called, his voice low with fear as she swayed on her feet.
Suddenly her eyes grew round with alarm, her face turning whiter than he had ever seen it before as a single, crimson drop of blood trickled out of one nostril and down to the crease of her lip. Everything seemed to slow down as her eyes rolled up into her head. Her body pitched backward towards the ground, but Anders was quick enough to catch her before her head hit the floor. He swept her up into his arms and practically sprinted up the stairs.
Nonononono! Repeated over and over again through Anders' head as he dashed around the corner and kicked open the door to her chambers.
He gently placed her on the bed, immediately taking her pulse and sighing with relief. Her heartbeat was sluggish but there, and at the moment that was the most important thing. He looked over her face and nearly gasped. Her lips were blue, the skin tinged white and nearly translucent. He could clearly see the veins below the surface and shuddered at what must be going on inside of her just now.
"It's poison," Zevran said from behind him.
Anders turned to look at the elf and noticed that most of the dinner party had followed him up to her bedchamber. They all shared the same horrified expression.
"Poision? Are you sure? Who on Thedas would want to poison her?" Anders gasped in surprise.
"The Wardens have many enemies, yes?" Zevran replied with a noncommittal shrug though his eyes were bright with intent. "We will find out who it was, but now is not the time. You wish a cure?"
"You know how to cure her?" he asked, brows shooting up in surprise.
"I might, but I cannot promise that it will work," Zevran replied, accent thick with emotion. "I've only seen this sort of reaction once before…in Orzammar, during the blight. A woman was accidently poisoned with a strong draught used almost exclusively for the purpose of regicide. I watched Wynne combine the ingredients for the antidote. If you are willing, I can show you."
"Show me then, and quickly," Anders replied, but stopped to check her vitals once again. "We don't have much time," he whispered before turning to glare daggers at the others. "Just what do you all think you are doing, standing around staring like a bunch of slack-jawed fools? Either be helpful or get out! I've far too much to do to have any of you getting in my way!"
Everyone simply stared in shock. Anders inwardly cursed. I should really be mean and angry more often, he thought to himself.
"I heard the Commander collapsed. Is she going to be okay?" Varel breathed as he skidded into the room, his face ruddy and his breath coming in sharp gasps. Anders' eyebrows shot up once again. Varel was the very epitome of composure, to see him this riled up was beyond bizarre.
"It seems that the Commander has been poisoned. Zevran and I are working on antidote as we speak," Anders replied in calm, even tones that surprised even him.
"If that is the case then we have bigger problems than I initially thought," Varel replied, his face immediately turning stony with anger as he spoke. "Nathaniel's gone."
*Muse Tunes: "An Insuperable Impediment" by Dario Marianelli (Jane Eyre 2011 OST); "Confluence" by John Williams (Memoirs of a Geisha OST); Danilov's Confession by James Horner (Enemy at the Gates OST); "Farewell to Gwen" by Rohan Stevenson (Merlin: Series Two OST); "Harry Surrenders" by Alexandre Desplat (Dealthly Hallows Pt. 2 OST).