Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man
Warnings: language, mentions of experimentation, mention of a panic attack.
Note: If Kanda seems overly thoughtful or out of character in his section, think about all the confusing crap that went on last chapter. While he may not be as book smart as his friends, Kanda is in no way dumb. In moments where he can't speak, he thinks about what has happened a great deal.
Chapter: 2—Someone Entirely New
"Are you absolutely certain, Inspector Link?'
"Yes sir, I saw it with my own eyes."
Never in all his time as an Inspector would he have ever imagined himself in this current situation. Here he was, standing tall before his superior giving his report of the mission Kanda, Allen, and himself had just completed. That itself was not the strange part; in fact, that was quite routine. The part that deviated away from normal was the fact that his report included a fusion of all things. He had never thought he would have seen another one with his own eyes. Not after his days with his friends, trying to survive the harsh, cold streets…
Enough of that. You are no longer that cold, hungry child trying to make it through the winter. Despite not seeing them for quite a few years, Link believed his friends were fine.
In all his years of knowing the older man, Link had never seen him this elated before. The higher-ranking Inspector was beside himself, grin spreading across his sharp features as keen eyes read through the printed report. He gave a delighted laugh as he leaned against the desk, one arm bracing his body on the desk's top while the other waved the report in hand. "This is the best news we could have received, Link. Think of it; the power, the speed, the agility you reported—it's unprecedented!"
The blonde man could understand why Leverrier was taken so much by the information. Even he had a difficult time believing the magnitude of raw power that the fusion had—and he had seen it himself, hiding behind the trees. He was aware of the fact that Order harbored and trained powerful people: exorcists were powerful (even without Innocence), the CROW had abilities and strength that far passed that of a normal human being, and even the non-augmented personnel were a force to be reckoned with. But this fusion…this new creation could have been on par with even the generals. The fusion's speed had been near impossible to track with the naked eye at first, their pure strength had made a shiver run down his spine, and the power of the Innocence that they wielded was masterful, to say the least.
The fusion of Allen Walker and Kanda Yuu was a powerhouse, to no exaggeration.
Link spoke, "I believe this fusion could even surpass a general if the time came, sir."
"I believe you, Link," Leverrier said as he flipped to another page. "'Too fast for even their own control…', …'Was able to survive a blast from a Level Four at point-blank range'…Heh, I'd be so inclined to say that this could even be an understatement. Is it?" The eagle eyes from his superior bore into him, and Link was reminded why this man was used to pry information from people.
But there were no falsities in that report.
"No, sir. All truth."
Leverrier's smile turned into another one that Link could not quite place, even after working under him for so long. "Good. Now, tell me. What did the fusion look like?" He leaned forward as he asked his other questions, excited tension clear in his body. "I want to hear this from your mouth, not read it on a report. Was the fusion normal? No unnatural features, no odd behavioral patterns?"
He knew the confusion must have been plain on his face. His brows knitted together. "Unnatural, sir? I'm afraid I don't understand." The fusion had odd colored hair, but if he were to really think about it, there were some people here in the Order whose hair could be called the furthest thing from normal. Lenalee Lee, for example, had green hair, while Chef Jerry's hair was a light purple.
The other man hummed moved away from the desk. He drew Link's curiosity when he moved to one of the large windows in the room and waved him over. Link did as he was told, looking out of the window. "Am I supposed to be looking for something outside?"
That prompted a laugh from Leverrier. "No, my boy, not outside the window. Look here," he said as he pointed to a small, silver web in the crevassed corner of the wood sill.
Turning his attention from the window to the web, he saw a small, black spider crawling along the silk strands, prey in its sights. He watched as it moved closer and closer until it captured the struggling fly. Watching the spider wrap the fly in more sticky strands, he listened to Leverrier speak beside him.
"The fusions of the past were in no way like the fusion in your report. The old fusions were nowhere near as powerful or skilled; they lacked the general coherence that this one displayed." The spider was deft and skilled. It had no problem capturing its prey; however, he knew that there were always, faster, deadlier spiders in the world. "The old fusions, to speak plainly, were absolute abominations. They had abnormal amounts of eyes like this creature here, monstrous limbs, extra body parts, and even mental instability."
A pregnant pause. "What…happened to them?" The spider stopped moving, perhaps pleased with its catch.
"They were no longer reliable and could no longer serve their purpose. Eradication was required." Leverrier's swift strike startled the younger man out of the reverie he seemed to be under, and he watched as the predatory arachnid was quick to die. "No other people were able to fuse, and the era of fusions ended."
Link was surprised, yet not at the same time. The fact that previous fusions looked beastly startled him as Kanda and Allen's had looked quite human. On the other hand, he understood that the Order had to take initiatives to remain strong and cohesive—the early experiments with forced synchronization, for example, was something he learned many years ago. Taking that into consideration, the treatment of the fusions and their abilities was reasonable. He supposed Leverrier was in the right, doing what had to be done for the sake of the Order. Taking a moment to choose his words with care, he turned to his superior. "And this fusion, sir?" Will you eradicate this new fusion as well?
A slight tilt of the head and upturn of the corner of the mouth. "Why Link, you aren't worried about this fusion, are you?" He sounded almost amused.
Attachment was forbidden, especially as an Inspector and a CROW. An Inspector had to remain impartial to do their best job, and a CROW was loyal only to the Vatican; attachments could lead to loyalties that surpassed the Vatican. Despite that, his imagination worked well into overdrive as it turned up scenarios of Allen and Kanda's fusion strapped to an experimentation table. Old memories of photos and data results of synchro experiment came to the forefront of his mind, replacing the subjects in the photos with the fusion—emaciated appearance, bruises upon bruises from needles and grafts, sunken and shallow eyes, and more blood than he was comfortable seeing. In his mind's eye, he could see the fusion's…Kallen's long blue-gray hair splayed around them in a halo as they raised a weak, bony, bruised hand for anyone to help them. Their tan skin paled to a frightening degree as their blood leaked onto the floor, and Link could imagine them not lasting much longer, not unlike the…patients in the synchro experiments.
He schooled his face into impartialness. "No sir, not at all."
Giving the rest of his oral report, he felt an unpleasant twisting in his stomach.
He felt like he'd just made a grave mistake.
They had finished moving everything into the Ark a few hours ago, much to Allen's relief. There had been a slight unnerving anxiety that prickled under his skin at the thought of taking more time to move all their equipment. To his luck, however, the process had been quick, and now he was on his way to the new headquarters with Johnny, Lenalee, and Komui. Despite getting everything finished that needed to be completed, the undulating motions of the water, the billowing and rolling of the thick clouds, and the light patter of the cool September rain against his skin, nothing distracted him from his thoughts.
All he could think about was his last mission with Kanda and Link. Ghosting gloved fingers over his arm muscles, he could remember just how powerful he had felt. His legs twitched at the memory, and the sheer speed that he had achieved came to mind. He rubbed his hands, trying to get the particular feeling of I-could-crush-anything-and-everything out the appendages. If he closed his eyes, he could reimagine being stronger that anything he could have conceived before, feeling not unlike the powerful Goliath from the Bible. Nevertheless, that was not the most unsettling thing…
He had fused.
He had been part of a fusion.
I fused. I fused with Kanda.
Never in his life had he been able to achieve fusion before, but somehow, he had done so on the battlefield, frightened that Kanda and himself were going to die. From what he could recall from the conversation they had had with Johnny before Link got them, Kanda had never been compatible enough to fuse either, not once in his life. Was it the fear of dying that allowed us to fuse? He did not think it was quite that, as he had feared for his life many a time during his childhood. There were so many powerful feelings that had been coursing through him that it was hard to remember which one had been the most prevalent. He did not think it was just the fear that spurred the fusion. Anxiety? Desperation? Love, perhaps? God, there were so many feelings and emotions from then that he had yet to even manage to sort through.
He could not even begin to describe the feeling of being something…else, something not him. It had been this strange feeling—confusing when they defused—of being both himself and not at the same time. Feeling there and not there, conscious yet not fully in control was something unlike he could have ever imagined.
Exhilarating, disorientating, and frightening all at once and more.
On top of that, there were myriad of questions to which he had no answers. Why had he remembered so much pain, so much agony, like he had gone through torture? He sucked in a shallow breath as the phantom memory haunted his mind. It felt like he had been dying over and over and over again, coming back to life only to be on death's door again. Allen coughed lightly, rubbing his tight chest as he tried to get the feeling of blood pooling in his lungs to go away. Was that what Kanda had felt before? Were those awful feelings…were they his? He hated to think that his partner had experienced such egregious atrocities—feeling the experience of death and near-death time and time again.
He was aware that Kanda was not the average person as he could regenerate from some of the most gruesome injuries, but…
He ducked his head into the bend of his elbow, coughing politely one more time. I don't know much about regeneration other than my eye, but I do not think that is what it is supposed to feel like. He remembered, to some vague degree, his body—their body—healing and regenerating from their injuries, but that had felt nothing like…like that. The phantom memory was prevalent in his mind, making him even more aware that a person should not feel that way—should not feel torture in their muscles and death in their bones.
No one.
That was not the only thing that concerned him either. Looking down at his hands and boots, he could almost see the glowing pink petals and blossoms of the lotuses if he concentrated hard enough. He could watch them slipping between his fingers and getting caught in the laces of his boots. Why had he seen them? Where had they come from? Perhaps it was the stress from fusing for the first time that made him see things. However, the more that he thought about it, the further from the truth that sounded. There had been many times he had been stressed beyond belief in his life, but no occasion had made him hallucinate flowers. Never in his life had he seen those ethereal, glowing flowers before. If not from him, could it have been from Kanda? Are those what Kanda sees every day?
A sigh escaped his lips, misting in the cool rain. He had been avoiding it since the return from their mission, but he needed to talk to Kanda.
"—llen."
This was too much to work through by himself.
"Allen."
He had felt too much—
"Allen!"
He startled, turning to whoever yelled his name. To his right, Lenalee and Johnny were looking at him with worried expressions. "Yes?" He responded, dazed.
Lenalee folded her hands in front of her, tilting her head just so. "We noticed you've been quiet the whole ride, Allen. You usually add to the conversation a lot. Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Johnny added, frowning. "You looked almost out of it and spacey. Nothing's wrong is it?"
It took Allen a moment to realize that he had indeed spaced-out since they had left the old headquarters. A glance to the scenery only confirmed it. Looking back at his friends, he gave a reassuring smile. "I'm fine, I promise. I was just thinking about some stuff, that's all." There was no way that he could tell them what he had felt on his mission. He himself was not quite sure what he had felt, so how could he explain it to them? All he knew was that he needed to talk to Kanda about it.
His fellow exorcist's frown was almost a pout, causing Allen to give a small laugh. "You know you can talk to us, right? I mean, if you haven't noticed, you've been getting pretty informal with us," she said with a sly smile on her face.
"Eh?" He blinked, looking at them with wide, surprised eyes. "What do you mean?" Had he been rude as of late? Had he been slipping back into old…habits? His mind went into overdrive, trying to remember all his past encounters with his friends. No, no, I haven't been acting crass or anything, so what are they talking about?
Johnny laughed, seeing the cogs work in Allen's head. "You're thinking too hard, Allen! We just mean that you're not so keen on being an aloof gentleman anymore. You've gotten casual and relaxed, is all."
"Mhm! That's not an awful thing at all!" Lenalee's smile turned into a cheerful grin. "I'm glad you're getting more open with us, if you ask me."
They made casual conversation after that, teasing Allen. They ranged from mundane things to their excitement over the new headquarters. Johnny and Lenalee had never seen it before, but Allen had only seen one of the main halls in detail—where he needed to see to put the Ark. He told them that one of the entrances was through a waterfall, and that seemed to spark their enthusiasm even more. He snickered at the thought of one of them falling of the boat and flailing even before they reached the new headquarters, and they joked about him being the one to be pushed off.
Watching them joke and laugh, Allen felt a modicum of unease trickle away, like the drops of condensation on the inner boat windows. Perhaps a small remark won't hurt. They don't have to know everything. "There…there is actually something that's been on my mind," he admitted, hesitance lacing his words.
Lenalee and Johnny leaned closer to him, concerned. "I knew it," Lenalee whispered to herself before addressing him. "You were too withdrawn for there not to be something wrong? What happened?"
Could they help? How much should they know? He put his gloved hands in his pockets to hide the need to readjust his gloves. "I…I've just been worried. There's a bit of a problem," he frowned, not sure how to phrase this. "It's…Kanda."
Bless Johnny, but he fretted too much. The scientist nearly toppled over in his surprise as he pitched to the side. His hand jerked out to grab the railing of the boat. "What?! Oh my gosh, what happened?" If not for the fog near swallowing his shout, Allen would not be surprised if everyone in the new headquarters could hear him. "You guys were fine when I saw you before your last mission? Did something happen?" He looked as if he were about to spout more questions at him, but Lenalee was quick to cut him off with her own concern.
"Kanda?!" She spluttered. He scarred face—burn scars from her battle with the Level Three, Eshii, which he knew still bothered her even after healing—morphed from surprise to righteous anger. Allen was aware that the sharp stomp of her foot was not one of frustration but one of warning—she had the deadliest legs of anyone he knew. "Ohhh, if Kanda hurt you, Allen, I'm gonna make sure I kick him so hard, he won't be able to heal!"
Her likeness to an overprotective cat did not escape him.
The snort that escaped him was one that could not be held back. The mental image of Lenalee punting Kanda to the edge of the horizon was particularly amusing as he knew that Lenalee wasn't joking and Kanda's face would be the thing of legends. He removed his hands from his pockets, waving them in front of his two friends as he tried to placate them. "No, no," he reassured, "Kanda did nothing wrong. It's just a problem that concerns him that I have to talk to him about."
The puffed-up, powerful exorcist in front of him deflated, body relaxing in what almost looked to be a slump. "Oh," she blinked. "Okay good. So, I won't have to beat him up then."
Johnny was much more visible in his reassurance, laying a hand on his chest as he sighed. He looked like a relieved, deflated balloon. "Oh, thank God. I thought you two broke up or something?"
"No, no we haven't," Allen said. "We're okay, but I'm just…confused about a few things, is all."
"Then what's wrong?" Johnny asked, perplexed.
Allen paused before answering. He said what he had to, and it would be better if he did not keep running his mouth. A rough wave in particular jostled the boat, not unlike the tumult that was going through him. "Just something I have to work out with him. I'm alright, but I can't tell you anymore."
As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew they took it the wrong way by the way that they looked at each other, upset. Johnny said nothing, but nodded, turning away to look at something inside the cabin of the boat. Allen knew Johnny would try to talk to him later, but the exorcist could not bring himself to go after the scientist and soothe his unease. When he turned his attention back to Lenalee, he was a little nonplussed to see her with a sad smile. Did he make her mad? Was she not upset at him?
He watched as she crossed her arms, still giving him that sad smile. "Oh, Allen," she breathed, "I know you're getting there, but I guess you aren't as open as we thought after all." With that, she patted him on the shoulder and turned away, going to talk with her brother on the other side of the cabin.
He stood there for minutes after, rain rolling of his coat and soaking the locks of hair that were picking out of his hood. It took him a moment to realize it, but when he did, there was a bitter taste in his mouth. Her smile was not just sadness.
It was pity.
He hated being pitied.
Biting his lip, he went into the cabin as well, partly to get out of the rain and secondly to clear his head. There was a spot in the corner opposite from the others, the little niche made by the jutting cabinet provided a small semblance of privacy. He settled himself there, but did not remove his hood, preferring the second barrier to the others that it provided him. It was small, but it was what he needed right now. He leaned against the window, watching the rain continue to pour and the waves roll. It was cool against his cheek, mimicking the cold, sick feeling that was beginning to churn in his stomach.
The rain was not the only thing that captured his attention. A bitter frown scored his face as he looked at the smiling visage of the Fourteenth in the reflection of the window along with the ethereal, pink lotus petals. A blink, and the petals were gone, leaving the Fourteenth to remain.
His tired eyes dropped from the glass.
…They don't need to know everything.
((someone entirely new))
Before he knew it, they were at the new headquarters.
The familiar hustle and bustle of people working to get everything in order and settled eased him somewhat. People going to and fro, hauling boxes and crates left and right—it was like the science division in a way. Controlled chaos. He greeted a few people as he and the others that were on the boat entered. Johnny and Lenalee were looking around while Komui departed from them, stating he had things he needed to get done. Allen snorted, knowing all too well that the Supervisor was in no way going to get anything accomplished and instead just wanted some peace to nap. He could not fault him, though, as he understood that the older man was tired from stress, responsibilities, and travel.
As they turned a corner, just avoiding getting run over by a moving cart, they passed one of the large windows in the connecting hallway. The glass allowed them to see the changed weather, the light rain that had been showering them earlier had shifted and morphed into a heavy, torrential downpour. A streak of blinding lightening followed by the almost immediate boom of concussive thunder startled them all, rattling the windows. Allen was not one to flinch at weather, but this individual storm had turned rather nasty. The lighting seemed to be right on top of them while the thunder made his teeth rattle in his mouth.
"Oh gosh!" Lenalee exclaimed, placing a hand over her chest. Giggling, she said, "I didn't think I would jump like that! But did you hear that? Feel that? It was almost like we were right in the middle of it."
Continuing to walk down the hallway to the atrium, Johnny agreed. "I know, right? It was a good thing we got here when we did, or we would be in the thick of that mess right now!"
Another left and then a right, and they were finally where they had to be. Well, where Allen knew he had to be; he was not quite sure if Lenalee or Johnny were required to be somewhere. His more optimistic side leaned towards them sticking around for his company and not because they've never been here before.
He took a breath, standing where he knew the best spot for the Ark gate would be. "Well," he looked back at his friends, "time to do what I was brought here to do." He pressed his fingers to his forehead and closed his eyes for better concentration, as the words of the song and flow of the melody rang through his mind. Gone were the days he needed a physical piano in front of him and song on his lips to be the Musician, gone were the days he needed to mime playing the keys in the air in order to open the Ark, but here was the time he could do so with mental focus and the rhythm in his head. He had practiced and made progress. Now was the time to see if it all paid off.
So the little infant fell into a deep sleep.
Among the grey ashes in the flames shining...
First one, then two ...
The soft lullaby washed over him and he had to control himself not to let the warm words spill past his lips. The power humming inside him, power that connected him to the Ark, wanted to flow in a natural course, and he could practically hear the desiring reminder, 'You are the Musician. Do not be afraid of your power, let it be free.' (1)His singing voice was not unpleasant, but he knew from the earlier days of singing to get the Ark to open that the melody often disturbed a few people in the Order. Humming, as it turned out, also made people uncomfortable. He tuned himself with the energy and flow of the Ark, feeling the frequency of its song in his bones, and connected to it. The energy manifested below him in waves, visible rings, climbing above him and fracturing the thin, glass-like visage of space. If he were anyone who did not have a master that could practice magic and had not learned a few things about it from him, this would have completely thrown him for a loop.
Opening his eyes, he saw the numbered Ark gate come to life and he smiled, pleased. This was getting easier and quicker for him to do. Perhaps in a different life, if fate did not want him to be an exorcist, he thought he could be adept as a magic-user. From the limited understanding he did have of the art, it was fascinating, and as much he hated some—a lot—of his Master's tendencies and such, he wished he was taught just a bit more alongside his training to be an exorcist.
He shooed the thought away as there was no changing the past. Magic and its abilities were food for thought on a different day.
Not even moments after he opened the gate, he saw a saw a familiar tanned, freckled hand that was wrapped in a red, mid-knuckle glove to grab the edge of the gate. He smiled as he saw the owner pull himself through, jumping of the ledge (could there be an edge if it was just an opening in dimensional space?) and into the atrium. "Hey there, Al," Lavi gave them his trademark easy grin. "Great to see ya!"
Johnny beamed. "Same to you, Lavi!"
It had been a few days since he had seen his friend, so the smile Allen had on his face grew even larger. "Lavi, I hope you didn't cause too much trouble over at the old HQ, did you?" To that, the taller exorcist slung his arm over his shoulder, pulling him a bit closer. Allen did not mind as it was the way Lavi was. "I know I wasn't there too long to keep tabs on you," he said, looking up at the other with a sly gleam in his eyes.
Lavi leaned back and put a hand over his heart, and Allen could not help but roll his eyes in amusement. Behind him, he heard Lenalee and Johnny laugh. It hasn't been a full two minutes yet and Lavi is pulling the dramatics. "Woe is me," the redhead fake-lamented. "To think my good friend is under the impression I need supervision."
"You're hell in thigh-high boots, Lavi."
"Excuse you, I will have you know that my boots reach my knees while the leg-guards are thigh-highs, thank you." (2)
"So you're not going to deny that you're hell incarnate."
"I neither deny or agree. I am who I am."
"You're a menace."
"Lies and slander, buddy."
Lenalee let them have their banter exchange before she huffed fondly and walked over to Lavi. As she neared, she laughed as she was pulled into a side hug from their friend. "There's my Lenalady!" Lavi beamed as he pressed a quick kiss on her forehead.
Allen couldn't help the heartfelt feeling in his chest as he watched his two friends; they made each other happy, which was a wonderful thing to see. Lenalee twirled a finger around an errant coil of hair that had sprung from under Lavi's headband. "I see you came just in time, Lavi. Your hair is starting to curl."
Lavi snorted, flicking the curl that had been around her finger. "Yeah, it's wet as all hell in the old HQ like you wouldn't believe. If I had been there much longer, this," he gestured to his curling mess of red hair, "would have started to frizz up and make me look like a damn dandelion. I was afraid I was gonna have to take the extra time I don't have to braid it to keep it in check." It was a well-known fact that their mixed friend was quite vain about his hair and took great lengths to make it look good. While braiding it kept it from getting messy and frizzy, from what he told them, it took much too long than he preferred. Lavi lived a fast life, after all. (3)
Footsteps sounded from the Ark gate, alerting them to Bookman's presence, and Lavi and Lenalee were quick to step away from one another. Allen knew that Bookman was still unaware of Lavi and Lenalee's level of closeness, much to his two friends' relief. Bookman often hounded Lavi about how close and personal he was to his companions, something that stressed out the apprentice more often than not.
The Ark gate shimmered and Bookman stepped out not a second later. His tired, half-lidded eyes surveyed the group. To the point as ever, he gave a brief greeting to them before turning to his apprentice. "Lavi, we have work that needs to be done. Meet me in the Supervisor's office in ten minutes." He gave a nod to each of them before departing.
Bookman was not rude, but Allen knew that it was not in the older man's nature to linger and make idle conversation.
"Ahhh," Lavi sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "he never takes a break, I swear. You'd think he would have waited a few hours after getting here to settle in, but nooo."
Before he could add to the conversation, he sensed more than heard someone walk towards him. There was a certain feel in the air that surrounded whomever was about to approach him, one that he had felt before. Calculating, reserved, tactical—a presence that felt like it was holding back something. As he turned around, his suspicions were only confirmed. A few feet from him stood three CROWs, stock still in their full regalia and masks.
He swallowed, shoving his gloved hands in the pockets of his jacket to hide the faint twitching. Nothing good followed the presence of CROWs, and the air that followed them always put him on the wrong side of angsty and wary. What could they possibly want? We just arrived here. Looking to his friends, it was prevalent that they, too, were concerned as to why the Vatican's underlings made the sudden appearance.
He thought back to his last mission and their fusion. Could they have found out? No, no, not possible.
"Can we help you guys with anything?" Lavi asked, expression defaulted to impassive caution. His friend was not a Bookman's apprentice for nothing, after all—indifference, wariness, and observation came with the job. Lavi, the exorcist-bookman's apprentice was both owl and wolf, both observant with the owl's eye and ruthless with the wolf's drive. "We just got here, and we'd like to rest if that doesn't bother you."
The only motion that broke the statue-like positions of the CROWs was the lead one's arm gesturing to Allen. "Allen Walker has been ordered to come with us. We are required to collect him." Emotionless, cold, and to the point—the masks did nothing to ease the group of exorcists and scientist.
Allen frowned, trying to think of any reason he would be required to go with the CROWs. "I've opened the Ark gate as ordered and I have to help everyone unload. They need me here." He knew they could have unloaded everything in the Ark without him, but for everyone, it would be best if the CROWs did not have him in their company. They made him feel all sorts of uncomfortable and on-edge.
The group of CROWs took a few steps forward, causing Allen the already pale exorcist to take several unconscious steps back. The lead CROW only repeated, "Allen Walker has been ordered to come with us. We are required to collect him."
"By who?" came the question from a nervous looking Lenalee. Everyone knew just how distressed the Vatican made her, and the presence of these CROWs were not helping. Lavi put a hand to the small of her back, not taking his eye off the Vatican lackeys.
"Director Leverrier."
A collective breath was sucked in at the name, and Allen looked to his friends. Lavi was impassive, the only thing betraying his emotion was his narrowed emerald eye; Johnny was worried, hands wringing together as he looked at Allen; and Lenalee was anxious and bothered, looking at him as if he were going to disappear forever.
The CROWs must have taken their silence for disobedience as they clarified, "If Allen Walker does not comply, we will be forced to use violent action."
"No!" he snapped. He realized his tone and cleared his throat before saying more calm manner, "No, I mean. That won't be necessary. I will go with you, just show me where to go."
The CROWs nodded before surrounding him, forming a group around him. Two moved on either side of him, before putting a hand—heavy with spell-power under their skin, cold with detachment—on his back, while the other walked in front of him. Before he could be led all the way out of the atrium, he turned back to meet his friends' concerned eyes. Each had been affected in some way by the Vatican, Leverrier, and his CROWs, and their distrust was understandable. Allen could not blame them as he felt the same, not letting his guard down around these CROWs for a millisecond.
"Don't worry, you all, it's okay. I'll be back, I promise," he plastered what he thought to be a reassuring smile on his face.
The veritable maelstrom outside seemed much less intimidating than what was awaiting him.
He hoped what he said was not going to turn out to be a lie.
Kanda knew from hands-on experience that interaction of any kind with CROWs was not something that a person should have sought out for; especially if being led with a ring of binding spells circling around him. For this reason, he kept his guard up as the group of CROWs escorted him to Komui's office to speak with Leverrier. He knew better than to act on his less than stellar attitude towards the CROWs, so he kept silent and kept pace. He clenched his teeth. Even as he was being led closer and closer to the office, he kept sliding his eyes to the CROWs, trying to discern any body language that might tell him something useful.
They were like animated dolls—no, no, not dolls. Too deadly for dolls.
Statues. They were moving statues. Cold.
In a few minutes time, they arrived at Komui's office. The group of three CROWs broke formation, two releasing the binding spell around him while the other moved to stand near the door. The pressure that the spells exerted on him was lifted, allowing his to breathe with more ease, and Kanda huffed in irritation as he rubbed his wrists and arms. The energy from the bindings spells, no matter if they were skin-contacting paper binds or floating seal binds, always left him itchy and tingly. It was similar to the feeling of a limb falling asleep…multiplied by one-hundred fifty.
After rubbing away the discomfort from the binds, he looked at the CROWs, who remained still as corpses, he snorted. "So I take it Leverrier actually wants to see me? Didn't summon you guys for my execution?" Leverrier's view on him as a Second Exorcist was very evident to Kanda, the Director seeing him a pseudo-human, an experiment. A thing, a weapon. There were many times where he wondered if and when Leverrier would have him killed, just to stop seeing his face.
"The Director will see you now," the CROW by the door stated before pushing it open.
The other two walked in and Kanda had no choice but to follow. He noticed that the last CROW remained outside, and he couldn't help the sneer that crossed his face. "Too chicken to come inside. Afraid of what'll happen?"
The CROW remained silent and simply shut the door behind Kanda. Figures. The exorcist turned away from the door to face forward, but froze when he saw Allen in the office as well, Timcanpy zipping around him in a panic. Komui and Leverrier were present, but it was Allen's appearance that made him focus on him. The other was dressed in white from tunic to shoes, washing him out even further than his snowy hair and paler-than-normal face. Kanda noticed the few beads of sweat rolling down his pale face and the prominent movement of his shoulders, as if he were trying to catch his breath. Heaving, almost. Now, the taller exorcist was extensively familiar with CROW magic and spells—crackling energy, stinging magic, oppressive weight, pain, pain, pain—so he barely held in the anger that was heating his blood. The spells that had bound him were minor compared to the amount of magic and energy that was pumping through the ones binding Allen. He fucking hated seeing someone he cared for being led around in spells by those damn CROWs. Alma suffered by them. I'm not letting this happen if I can help it.
His eyes connected with wide mercury, and all he could see was confusion, pain, and wariness. He gave Allen a slight nod as that was all he could do to comfort him in their current situation. Attempting to be as nonchalant and disinterested as possible, he jutted his chin to his partner while looking at Komui, then Leverrier. "I don't know why I'm here or why the Moyashi is either, but don't you think all that is overkill? Not like he would hurt you. He'd probably bawl his eyes out for just bumping into you, the idiot."
Heat lit Allen's eyes and even through the clamminess, defiance flushed his skin just short of his normal pallor. He sucked his teeth. "B-Bugger off, Bakanda! I don't cry that much."
"So you're not deny you cry then?"
"Go choke on soba."
Leverrier seemed to have enough of their 'conversation' as he waved his hand as a signal to one of the CROWs. Within a second, the talisman seals whooshed away, flying back into the CROW's sleeve, and the magic crackled into nonexistence. Although there were a number of talismans that remained on Allen's Innocence arm, he let out a gasp before falling to his knees and catching his breath. Tim fluttered into Allen's face, nudging his cheek as he tried to comfort him. Good job, Tim. Kanda would give the golem a treat when he had the chance—he comforted Allen when he could not. Still regulating his breath, his partner tilted his head down and away from everyone but Kanda. Through the white bangs that fell in his face, Kanda caught Allen's expression. It was a wordless thank you, grateful for the intervention and for the degree of normalcy their bantering offered.
Other than their little spat involving Miranda earlier, Kanda had not spoken with Allen since their last mission together. In fact, he had been avoiding it to some degree. Even if he were not avoiding him, what would he even say after something like that? 'Hey, we turned into another person, let's do that again?' He was still mystified about what had happened. He had fused—they had fused, together. To say that it had concerned him would be an understatement. He had never fused—never been able to fuse—before so why had he been able to do so with Allen?
He had thought about it nonstop, going over everything that happened. Every minute, every second, every feeling, and every thought he had had during that mission had been put under scrutiny. Yet, the answer still evaded him. The only clue he had was Allen. Always Allen, Allen, Allen. Despite being the white-haired, cursed, annoying, caring, and thoughtful baka that he was, all Kanda had wanted was for him to live. Live to see another day.
He would have killed anyone if they found out, but dammit to hell, he remembered just how much his heart had hurt loving Allen…how much it ached thinking if he was to die right next to him. He could have cared less about himself—he would have regenerated, he was about ninety percent sure. However, a blast from that distance would have utterly obliterated Allen from existence. That was not something Kanda could have lived with.
What baffled him was that if love and desperation, as cheesy as that sounded, allowed him to be able to fuse and save Allen, why had it not been enough to save Alma? Despite not knowing about fusion during their time in the lab, they should have been able to do it since it was a natural part of life. Had he been too cold, too selfish to fuse with Alma? Would his… 'emotional constipation', as Lavi put it, cause him to be unable to fuse again in the future? (4)
Would I be a liability to Allen? If he was the reason for a botched fusion mid-battle, it could cost Allen his life.
And Jesus fucking Christ, that was just the start of it.
Kanda had been around people enough today, and it was starting to wear on him. Rolling the beaded bracelet around his wrist, he was faintly aware of Komui thanking him and Allen for coming on such short notice, other peasantries, so on and so forth.
Strength and power were not foreign things to Kanda as being a Second Exorcist meant he had plenty of both aspects. On the other hand, the thing that had left him speechless was just the raw amount he had felt being part of their fusion, Kallen. God, he felt like he could have taken on twenty Level Fours and more. While the physical strength alone had been something to marvel at, the pure power that had been gushing through his veins from the combination of both Mugen and Crown Clown's power had left him dizzy and euphoric. There had been—still are—so many emotions that he did not want to sort through: fear, anxiety, joy, love. Being part of that fusion not only made him feel anxious and scared about what he had become, but also whole, happy, and very much loving his new self.
It was confusing on so many levels of hell.
But…the thing that bothered him the most were the unfamiliar feelings, abilities, and visions that were not his. He was aware that Allen's curse allowed him to see the souls of Akuma—I will never in my life tease him about getting emotional over those monstrosities—yet he had no clue that the cursed exorcist was able to see all souls as well. And the voices, good God, the voices. Every soul, from human to Akuma, crying out in pain, begging and pleading with them to save them and end their suffering…it had all been just too much.
He was not proud to admit it was mainly him that sent Kallen into a bad panic attack and made them sick.
At the current moment, he looked at Allen who was had his attention turned to Komui. Eyes drifting to the red curse scar that bisected his eyebrow and marked his cheek. Kanda could not, for the life of him, understand how the other handled it every day. The stress of experiencing foreign emotions—sadness, pity, and regret for the souls—and the strain of the excessive auditory and visual otherworldly input made him almost nonverbal on their way back home after their mission. It had been difficult to communicate. With his own difficulty processing everything that the curse made him experience, it made him more aware of what Allen went through every day. It made him realize even more what a tough bastard Allen was, making him care for him even more.
Whatever the hell they were about to talk about in this office, Kanda knew for certain that he needed to pull Allen to the side and talk about their mission, their fusion.
"Why are we here?" Allen asked, pulling Kanda's attention to present. "And why the bloody hell does my Master need to be here? I thought he would have been drunk off his arse at this hour." As soon as Allen mentioned Cross, Kanda's body twitched in surprise as he realized that it was not only just himself, Allen, Komui, and Leverrier in the room. So focused was he on Allen, he had not noticed Cross behind them and Lavi and Bookman observing from opposite corners of the room. He chided himself for his lack of situational awareness.
He could understand now to a degree why Bookman always said emotions compromise.
Leverrier smiled at them, and it made Kanda want to throw up. Only after punching him in the face, of course. "As your Master, this meeting concerns him as it pertains to you—well, the both of you, in this case." Bullshit. If that's the case, then why isn't my Master here? Not like he can go outside and paint and shit like that, it's pouring out there. "And you must be well aware that you are still under investigation by the Vatican. Inspector Link was doing his job in giving me the report of your most recent mission."
Kanda and Allen's eyes met in a worried lock of gazes. They had assumed they were alone when after Link left, so they were anxious as to how much the Inspector had seen and reported. Did he see us fuse? If so, did…did he see us fall apart?
"I do have to say that I am impressed, boys," here Leverrier looked both of them in the eyes, and there was something to that damn smile of his that set Kanda the wrong way. "Congratulations of your mission success and subsequent fusion."
Oh shit.
From his desk, Komui gasped and looked at the two of them in surprise. Apparently, Leverrier had not informed him of their fusion—the reason, Kanda suspected, why they had been summoned for this meeting. The shock and worry were evident on his face, and Kanda knew the Supervisor well enough to know that he was thinking about the Order's history with fusion. The older man cared too damn much, but perhaps that was why he was so good at his job—not that Kanda would ever tell that to his face.
Lavi and Bookman kept any and all emotion off their faces, but, like Komui, Kanda had not known Lavi for as long as he did without being able to read a thing or two from him. The aborted step forward and the twitch of his hand exposed Lavi's desire to know more and interact. Bookman was too seasoned to let subtle body tics betray him.
The sound of someone spitting out a drink made Kanda turn around to see Cross wiping up the wine around his mouth. The general coughed before setting his glass down on a nearby table, walking towards them. Kanda hid his amusement by clearing his throat while Allen held nothing back and snickered. It was rare to see Cross so flustered, what with him planning and scheming for every kind of situation.
Cross walked around them in a circle, eyeing them like some kind of predatory cat, before stopping in front of Allen. The general leaned forward into Allen's space while the exorcist leaned back the same amount, wary as to what his master would do. "Hmmm, never thought I would have seen the day, idiot apprentice." He hummed just before straightening his posture and giving Allen a hard smack on the back, causing him to pitch forward. "Congratulations on not fucking it up. You finally achieved fusion, after failing all these years. About time, idiot! I was starting to wonder if I had a dud of an apprentice."
"Even if I was, what would that say about you, huh, Master? After all, it is the general's responsibility the teach their apprentices well. Can't blame the student for a crap teacher," Allen snarked back and he picked himself up.
Just as Cross was about to rebuttal, Leverrier was quick to interrupt, moving from his place next to Komui's desk to stalk around the room in a slow pace. Forget what he had said about Cross walking around them like some kind of cat. Leverrier's slow, calm gait was much more like a predator than Cross's stalk
It was patient, hungry.
"To think, such a powerful being was being housed under our roof. I read the report, and let me admit that I was fascinated by what was in there! By God, the power that was stated," his feet led him in front of Kanda, and it took all the exorcist had not to outright glare, "the speed and agility," this time he was in front of Allen and Kanda watched as Allen met the Director's gaze dead on, not a flinch in sight, "are nothing that I've heard of before. If I were to hazard a guess, gentleman, I would say that this fusion might on par with a general. Perhaps even more powerful than that."
As Leverrier continued to speak praises of their fusion, of the pure potential that it held, Kanda could not get rid of the tenseness thrumming throughout his body. An ugly, sick feeling roiled in his stomach, and he looked over to see Allen feeling similar. His partner shrugged, face evident that he was not sure what was about to happen but certain it would not bode well. Getting tired of hearing the Director blow hot air out of his mouth, Kanda spoke, "If you're so happy with the fusion, why do you need us here? You said it yourself, you read everything in the mission report. On top of that, why the binds on the Moyashi? He doesn't need to be restrained for a simple debrief."
There was that predator's smile again, hungry and deceitful. He stopped and leaned against Komui's desk. "No need to worry, Kanda Yuu, we do this with all powerful people. Just a precaution."
Seeing Cross there, a powerful general—a powerful unbound general—proved to everyone that Leverrier was lying through his teeth.
They continued to listen to him bullshit some nonsense about history being made and having the 'right people knowing this information'—Kanda supposed that was why the Bookmen, Komui, and Cross were present. He gushed about previous fusions being unreliable and weak in comparison to theirs and that the fusion would be a great asset to have in the war. There it is. He just wants another pretty, new addition to his box of toy soldiers.
"Now, fuse."
The demand took Kanda and Allen by surprise, and they snapped looks at each other before looking at Leverrier. "You…you want us to fuse? Right here? Right now?" Allen blinked, pointing to the two of them.
Leverrier rose an eyebrow, folding his arms behind his back as he gazed at them with a look of impatience. "Is that going to be a problem, Walker?
Allen spluttered, waving his unbound hand in a placating manner. "No, no! We just, uh, aren't quite sure how. It was a…spur of the moment thing while fighting that Akuma."
"Surely there's no need for that right now, Director," Komui was quick to interject, moving from behind the desk to stand closer to Kanda and Allen. "As they said, they've yet to figure it out."
While one eyebrow was still raised, Leverrier's other eyebrow dipped down, frown pulling at his lips. "As much as I commend you for looking out for your…subordinates, Supervisor Komui, this demand is not a hard one. If they did it once, they could do so again. Or, is there something that I should know about that none of you are telling me?" His toned leaned towards glacier, promising reprimand if they did not try to fuse.
Komui cared too much for them to be right under Leverrier's spotlight, so Kanda answered, "We aren't hiding shit, we just don't know how to do it." He gestured to Allen, getting his attention. At the other's confused look, he nodded, letting him know that this was okay. They were going to have to do this whether they wanted to or not. "Only problem is that we can't do it with those binds on his arm. They gotta come off."
"Unnacceptible. As I stated before, they are for precaution." Precaution, my ass.
"Well, if there's no unbinding, there's no fusing."
A stressful, silent energy hung in the air. It was as if the universe was daring for something bad to happen, for something to go wrong. After another tense moment, Leverrier gave a tired sigh and waved at the CROWs. One of them recited a verse and gestured, making the magic from the binding spell crackle away and the talismans fly back in their sleeve. Even though the worst of the spells had been removed earlier, the banishment of all the CROW magic from Allen had the exorcist almost pass out from relief. Against his better judgement, Kanda darted a step and a half forward to catch him mid-sway before he fell. Leverrier wouldn't suspect their relationship for helping out a person from falling to the ground…right?
Still in his arms, Allen patted his forearm, and Kanda frowned at the clamminess that still lingered in his appearance. "I guess we better get to it then," Allen said dryly.
They had both heard from separate accounts that dancing often helped instigate and accelerate the fusion process, Kanda from Tiedoll, Allen from Cross, and then both later on from books. So, the natural course of action was to start there. The only problem was that Kanda did not know how to dance well, while Allen dance just a little too well. The absolute mess that was the two of them attempting this fusion dance was unavoidable.
Maybe I could rip out my own core so I won't have to do this…
"Y-Yeah." His cheeks flushed with uncharacteristic embarrassment as Allen took his hand while putting the other on his waist. Kanda had no fucking clue where in the hell to put his own hand, so he had it hovered in the air awkwardly before landing it on Allen's shoulder. Hard.
"Ow! Dammit, Bakanda, you don't have to be so heavy-handed!"
He scowled, "Not my fault you have some dainty-ass shoulders." They weren't, if he were being honest, but he was embarrassed already and he just wanted to go drown himself in the downpour outside.
Allen led them in a sway, feet forward then back, but it got confusing to the point where they were stepping on each other's shoes. "Fucking hell, Moyashi, that's the third time you've stepped on my toe!"
His partner gave unique sneer of his own. "I can't help it if you have no rhythm and two left feet."
There was some kind of twirl and a dipping motion, but it was more of a violent spin—that Leverrier actually had to swing his legs out of the way from being hit—and a grapple—that Cross had to sidestep to avoid. Somehow, they had launched themselves across the room, still holding hands, and trying their damnest to dance (or stomp the ever-loving hell out of the other's feet, who knew?).
"—No! Move there not—"
"You're squishing me!"
"—Was my rib, you—"
"—Only have one right leg, don't—"
Slam. The sound of Leverrier's fist slamming against the desk made Kanda and Allen freeze in their place, limbs still entangled around one another. The realization of where they were and who they were in front of came rushing forward, and the two of them split apart faster than Cross chased after women. Crossing his arms against his chest, Kanda coughed and furiously ignored the heat pooling in his cheeks. Next to him, Allen tried to hide his embarrassment in the same manner. They looked to see Leverrier pinching his nose between his gloved thumb and forefinger as if staving off a headache. "Are you two quite finished?" he asked, tone just a hair's width from a growl.
"…As we said before," Allen groused, embarrassment and frustration mixing to an unbecoming look upon his pale face, "we don't know how we fused in the first place, it just happened."
"Yeah, we could tell you had no clue what you were doing," came Cross's unnecessary input. "Good job on another fuck up, idiot apprentice."
A hum. "I'm sorry? Was that the wind I just heard? There must be a right draft in here."
"Don't make yourself look uglier with pettiness."
"Oh, the breeze got draftier."
God, these two are a perfect match for each other, Kanda observed as master and student squabbled. I can't see Allen under another general and I don't think one other than Cross would be able to handle him. Fuck, I can barely handle him. Allen was either too nice for some generals while just too…too much for others.
A sharp clearing of a throat brought their attention back to Leverrier who was looking much sterner than before. He walked towards Kanda and Allen, and the two exorcists used their better judgment and stood in place rather than step back a few paces. The Director stopped just short of two feet in front of them, pinning them with an unidentifiable look. Kanda's jaw twitched, Allen's eyes narrowed. "Your fusion," Leverrier began with a low tone, "Kallen, will be a powerful asset on the battlefield. Work on being able to fuse in an instant, on command—not the mess you just demonstrated. Your lives will be at stake," a deliberate pause hung in the air, "by the enemy on the battlefield, I do mean."
Kanda knew a bold-faced lie when he heard one. That was a direct, intended threat.
Quicker than Kanda could react, Leverrier had the CROWs rebind Allen in their binding spells, talismans clinging to his arm and orbiting around him in a ring with magic crackling around him. A short, strangled half-cry came from force and shock of the spells activating around him sent Allen heaving once again, body hunched forward as he tried to catch his breathe.
"What the actual hell?!" Kanda rushed to steady Allen, all the while glaring outright at the Director in front of him. "Why the fuck does he have to be bound again?"
The look that was sent back at him made him feel like that of an annoyance, a pest that should not be bothering others. That, in particular, was one of Leverrier's skills. Kanda knew just how the man saw him, a pseudo-human. The tone that he used only furthered that opinion, "You are to leave immediately, Kanda Yuu. What we are about to discuss no longer concerns you. Walker, you will stay."
The CROWs roughly separated them, guiding a struggling Kanda to the door and keeping Allen in place. "Anything you have to say here, you can say it in front of me," he shoved against a CROW's arm and braced himself as he saw the second one make a summoning hand sign. "And the Moyashi doesn't need to be fucking restrained, you damn—"
"—It's okay, Kanda."
The quiet answer from Allen made him pause and focus on him. His partner, bound with CROW magic and sweating, smiled at him in reassurance. Brilliant white teeth peeked from pink lips. "I will catch up to you later. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."
Kanda had been so focused on Allen that he did not realize he had been led out of the office until the wooden double doors clicked shut in front of him. He was aware of the CROW that was still keeping guard just to the side, but he paid them no mind, still staring at the office doors in front of him. Even with them shut, he could still hear the minute popping of magical energy and could practically feel the hum. His fingers clenched into a fist as he remembered that smile, all lips and a hint of teeth. There had been no crinkling of those beautiful mercury eyes he loved nor slight scrunch of a nose that creased the few star scars over the bridge.
Allen may have been an excellent poker player, conman, and clown, but he could not fool Kanda.
He hated being lied to.
Published: 7/31/17
A/N: Thanks to everyone who followed and faved this story so far, and thanks to Elogane, jy24, and Shadow Spears for commenting last chapter! Please, drop a comment if you like the story everyone. I love hearing feedback and what you all think. :D
(1) I have this headcanon that the Ark is semi-sentient, and that being the Musician is having this weird power and connection to the Ark. It's kind of like how I see Innocence being sentient, but the Ark is sentient in a way that old, powerful magic is—all encompassing, strong, alive, and not something to be thought of lightly.
(2) On Lavi's uniform, it looks like he wears regular boots, but them a tight, sturdy material that stops midthigh. I have no idea what that would be—doesn't look like socks or stocks—so I'm just gonna call them leg guards. This kid dresses like he's in a pirate boyband or something, please save him.
(3) It's canon that Lavi is mixed (even though it's mostly Asian), so I headcanon him as mixed Asian and black. If you say that mixed black people can't have red hair or be on the paler side, I have a mixed-black friend who is white-passing and has natural curly red hair. My mixed-black (and a bunch of other stuff [my fam literally has a bit of everything]) cousin is also white-passing and has thin eyes and curly red-brown hair.
(4) The reason Alma is coming up a lot in Kanda's sections is that he was one of the first characters in the series that made Kanda truly care about someone else. Alma was and is the reason for a lot of the stuff Kanda does, so it's reasonable that something so…so confusing, intimate, and daunting as fusion would make Kanda think back to the first person he ever loved and cared about.