Chapter 28 – 'Till We Meet Again

The next day dawned gray and overcast, reflecting Alyx's gloomy mood to perfection. For the day of her family's departure had finally arrived.

She knew that it was necessary. Fergus and Teagan could hardly afford to stay away from their estates forever, and she could no longer put off her own pressing duties. Indeed, reports of darkspawn activity had recently increased, serving as a daily reminder of the time they'd lost between her recovery and her guest's extended stay. Yet she couldn't bring herself to regret their visit. Seeing her daughter, being able to spend time with those who were nearest and dearest to her gave her a sense of relief she hadn't realized she needed and with all that had happened, their visit couldn't have been more fortuitous. Maker only knew where she would be if the same events played out without their presence.

It was with a heavy heart that she walked down the hall to the guest quarters for the last time to escort her family to the courtyard below. Alyx was surprised to see that her brother's door was thrown open, but then a couple of burly men with heavy trunks walked out of the room, quickly excusing themselves as they veered out of her path. She smiled and nodded in their direction before slipping inside the open doorway and making her way through the sitting room to the bed chamber. She stopped and leaned against the doorframe as she watched Fergus bounce her sobbing daughter in his arms. She couldn't help but smile as his familiar cultured tones floated across the room.

"Now Joce, you can't take Ser-Pounce-a-Lot with you. He's Warden Anders' kitten. He'll be sad if you take him away, and if he's sad then your mother will be cross. Do you want Anders to be sad?" Fergus asked the little girl. Jocelyn sniffed as shook her head, her golden locks bouncing with the small movement. "And we certainly don't want your mother cross with us, do we?"

Jocelyn's eyes widened as she shook her head more vehemently after this last statement. Alyx had to stifle a laugh at her daughter's reaction to his words though her heart ached at the sight of the two of them together. It would be a long time before she would see either of them again.

"That's a good look for you brother," she called across the room. Fergus's head shot up at her words, a warm smile wreathing his lips as she crossed to join them. "Perhaps you should consider having more of your own."

"All in good time, pup, all in good time," he replied teasingly as Jocelyn squealed and reached for her mother, her chubby little hands flexing open and closed with excitement.

"Come here you little monster," she said as she took Jocelyn out of Fergus's arms, hugging her close as she looked back up at her brother. "Where's Leli?"

"She's already gone down with the others," he replied distractedly. Fergus had frozen in place as he stared down at her, a deep sadness momentarily flickering in his dark eyes.

"Fergus, what is it?" Alyx asked, her brow furrowing in concern.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing really," Fergus replied as he shook himself. "Just…remembering. There was a time…you were holding Oren in just that fashion when he was no older than Jocelyn. I remember thinking how natural you looked with him in your arms. It must have been the first time I realized you were no longer my kid sister but a woman in your own right, and that soon enough it would be your own children you would be holding. I have to admit the very idea of it scared me senseless." Fergus smiled sadly at her as he reached out to brush a loose strand of her hair back behind her ear. "Funny isn't it? How we've come full circle since then."

"You miss him," Alyx replied carefully. She knew that she had to tread lightly when it came to this particular topic, but she couldn't help herself when Fergus had that look in his eye.

"Terribly. I think I shall always miss him. Of course any children that Leliana and I have will be just as loved, but they will never replace my Oren."

"I know that," Alyx replied softly as she squeezed her brother's arm, hoping the small gesture would show him she understood.

He nodded in gratitude as he gestured for her to precede him out the chamber door. Alyx rubbed her cheek against her daughter's golden curls as they walked in silence down the long, winding corridor. She desperately wanted to ask him a question that had been burning at the back of her mind these past few days, but she couldn't muster the words despite her curiosity.

"What's on your mind, pup?" Fergus asked.

"Why do you think I have something on my mind?" she squeaked defensively.

"Because I know you and I can almost hear the wheels turning in that stubborn head of yours," he replied, gentle amusement sparkling in his eyes.

Alyx blushed.

"I…I was just wondering…after everything that's happened…how did you reconcile falling in love with another woman?"

"Ah. I wondered if you'd ever get around to asking me this," he said as he clasped his hands behind his back. "I knew from the first that I would be expected to remarry, to carry on the Cousland line, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find love again. I'd been resigned to the idea of a luke-warm relationship, so typical to those of our station, but then I met Leli and everything changed."

"But surely it wasn't as simple as that."

"And why shouldn't it be? If Oriana loved me half as much as she claimed then she would understand. She wouldn't want me to let such a gift go to waste, and it is a gift, pup, of that I am sure. So many go through life without finding love at all. To be able to experience it twice is a blessing from the Maker himself," Fergus replied as he studied her expression. He sighed when she simply pursed her lips. "Perhaps it wasn't as easy as all that. I still think of Oriana often, especially on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. How could I not when I loved her so? But that doesn't mean I love Leliana any less. They are two vastly different women who have touched my life in very different ways, and it is my dearest hope that you will find the same measure of happiness as I have."

"So you're not too put out that I refused Teagan?" she asked cautiously.

"Not nearly as put out as he is," he replied with a chuckle. "But I think I'm beginning to understand why you did."

"Ugh, not you too!" Alyx groaned in exasperation.

Fergus cocked one eyebrow in amusement.

"Ah, so I am not the first, though that is hardly surprising. You will be glad to know that your friends are being impressively tight-lipped on the subject, but I am not nearly as blind or as foolish as they believe me to be. You've been profoundly distracted of late, so much so that I can only conclude that a man is involved…" he began, holding up his hand when Alyx opened her mouth to interrupt. "I'm not going to ask for details. Maker knows I probably wouldn't want them anyway. Just know that I will always support you, regardless what my personal feelings may be."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Alyx asked, narrowing her eyes at her brother.

"Unless I am missing something your suitors are down to a mage and a Howe. As a Teryn and a Cousland I could hardly endorse either choice, but as a brother…I just want you to be happy, you know that right?"

Alyx flashed him a wide smile.

"Thank you," she said as she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

By the end of their chat they'd made it to the courtyard. Alyx could see the rest of the Highever party gathered around Fergus's traveling carriage.

"Now," Fergus said once he cleared his throat. "Let me take Jocelyn so you can say a proper goodbye to the others. No doubt you'll want to save her for last."

Alyx nodded and handed her daughter over to him. She took a deep preparatory breath before she headed towards the small group waiting for her. Anders, Oghren and Nathaniel were also there saying their goodbyes, but as soon as they saw her they moved aside to give her a few last moments alone with her guests. She approached Arl Teagan first, knowing that this particular farewell was bound to be the most awkward.

"Goodbye Teagan. It was a pleasure to see you again," she said as she extended her hand to him. He took it graciously, brushing a swift kiss across her knuckles, but instead of dropping it as she expected he placed his other hand on top of her own and drew her in closer. She knew a moment of panic when the look in his eyes grew intense.

"Will you not reconsider, my dear?" he murmured in a low, husky voice.

She shook her head, a sad smile crossing her lips.

"Were things different…were I still simply Alyxandria Cousland, I think I would have been very happy as your wife, but now…"

Teagan nodded and dropped her hand as he took a step back, a look of profound sadness in his eyes.

"Goodbye, Alyx," he replied softly. "He's a lucky man…whoever he is," he added before turning to climb into the carriage.

Alyx couldn't help but feel a pang of regret. She truly liked Teagan, but she could never love him the way he wanted her to. What's more, she didn't believe he was really in love with her either. That he was disappointed was quite obvious, but as beautifully worded as his proposal had been, it was a far cry from the sweeping declaration one expected from a man madly in love. She couldn't help but compare it to Alistair's simple, "I love you. Marry me, now…tonight." Lackluster though it may have been, she'd known without a doubt that he meant every word.

She inwardly sighed, hoping against hope that Teagan would meet the right woman, someone who would love him as he deserved. Then perhaps he would forgive her.

"It is rather pointless to say goodbye when we will be seeing each other again soon, no?" Zevran said from beside her, breaking into her thoughts.

"Then you still plan on returning?" she asked him, an eyebrow arched in question.

"Of course…unless you changed your mind?" he replied.

"No. You are more than welcome to return to the Vigil, but do you really want to fight darkspawn again?"

"It is either that or return to Antiva, but as I've said before, things are never boring around you, my friend. Of course things are never boring when the Crows are out for your blood, but…" he continued with a shrug, "I find your style of never-boring to be a little more palatable. Here, at least, I am welcome."

"For as long as you wish, Zev," she replied warmly.

"Good, then it is settled. I shall escort your delectable family back to Highever and return here to be used in whatever fashion that pleases you. If you wish I could merely serve as a darkspawn slaying bad-ass, but I think you may have more use for my other…talents. Need you a back massage or a late night chit-chat? Mayhap some outrageous flirting guaranteed to annoy your beaus? All you need do is ask…then again I'm likely to do all that anyway," he said with a wink and a wicked grin.

"Cad," Alyx replied, unable to help the smile that spread across her lips.

"Ah yes, but I am an utterly gorgeous cad, which of course makes all the difference. Do you want me to cry into your bosom at the unfairness at having to part ways? That would certainly get their attention," Zev continued as he glanced over her shoulder. She didn't have to turn to know that Anders and Nathaniel would be standing somewhere close by.

"I can't decide whether you're merely searching for an excuse to cop a feel or if you're really just as devious as I think you are."

"What can I say? I live to please…especially when bosoms are involved," he replied, wagging his eyebrows at her.

Alyx rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but giggle. She knew he was just trying to make her feel better and she loved him all the more for it. She gave him a quick hug before he sauntered off, leaving her alone with her sister-in-law.

"I'll miss you, Leli," she said as she took her friend's hands in hers and squeezed.

"No tears, ma petite," Leliana replied with a bright smile. "After all, this is not goodbye it is simply farewell. We will see each other again soon."

Alyx nodded, smiling despite the tears that threatened behind her eyes. She dropped Leliana's hands so that she could give her sister a tight hug.

"Don't wait too long to tell him," Leliana whispered in her ear before pulling away just far enough to shoot her a knowing look.

"How did you—" Alyx gasped as she eyed her friend speculatively.

"A wise woman reminded me that if I used my Maker given talents, the answer would only be too clear," Leliana replied, obvious mirth and excitement sparkling in her eyes as she cupped Alyx's face in her small hands. "Oh Falcon, can't you see? He's perfect for you! Don't let your fears get in the way of your happiness or his."

"It's not that simple," Alyx replied with a sigh.

"It is if you want it to be," Leliana replied. "You've become too practical for your own good. Let your heart do the talking and it will all work out."

"From your mouth to the Maker's ears," Alyx murmured as she gave Leliana's hand one last squeeze before turning to search out her brother and daughter with her eyes.

Her brow furrowed in consternation when she saw Fergus and Nate standing to one side, their heads bent together in what looked to be a very serious conversation.

Now why are they so chummy all of a sudden? She asked herself as she narrowed her eyes at the pair of them. This was the second time now she'd seen them together and she desperately wanted to know what they were discussing, but she'd rather die before asking either of them to explain.

Nate noticed her lingering gaze first and flashed her a telling smile that frustrated her even further. Insufferable man! She inwardly seethed, realizing that somehow he just knew that the curiosity was killing her. By then Fergus had noticed her attention as well. He said a few last words to Nate and then turned to cross the courtyard to join them.

Alyx immediately took Jocelyn from out of his arms and hugged her close as she breathed in her sweet, clean scent for the last time. Jocelyn wrapped her little arms around her mother's neck and snuggled into her embrace with a contented coo. Tears threatened again, but she plastered a smile on her face before her daughter could see them.

"You mind your Uncle Fergus and Aunt Leli," she told Jocelyn, who simply stared up at her in curiosity. "And know that I love you very, very much."

Jocelyn cooed up at her as she pin-wheeled her arms in childish abandon. Alyx brushed a lingering kiss across her daughter's brow, handing her over to Leliana before she lost her will.

"Take care of my girl," she said in a shaky voice.

"I will," Leliana replied with a nod.

Jocelyn continued to gurgle happily until Leliana began to walk towards the carriage. Alyx could see the realization cross her daughter's face as she stared at her over Leliana's shoulder. Her lower lip began to tremble and her eyes suddenly filled as she let out a long wail of protest that wrenched at Alyx's heart.

"She will be fine once we get on the road," Fergus told her as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I know," Alyx said with a sniff.

"Take care of yourself, sister. I love you," he said seriously as he embraced her once more.

"I love you too, Fergus," she replied.

He smiled and turned to join the others and before long they were on their way. Alyx walked aside the carriage until it began to pick up pace, ignoring the dust that flew up from its wheels as she waved goodbye to its occupants. She could feel the stalwart presence of her wardens just behind her, just far enough away to be out of her way, but there just in case she needed them. She was grateful for their silent support, not realizing until this moment how much their presence had steadied her throughout the course of her farewells. She hadn't fallen to pieces as she feared she would, and she had them to thank for it.

Alyx took a deep breath as she straightened her spine and cleared her thoughts. This is where the real work begins, she told herself as she shook off the last remnants of sorrow and mentally clicked back into Commander-mode. By the time Varel stepped up beside her she was ready for him.

"Have you done as I asked?"

"Yes, Commander and it is as we expected. Bann Esmerelle and her associates have gone to ground," he replied in his familiar, gravelly voice.

Alyx nodded as she clasped her hands behind her back.

"Place a bounty on their heads, but let it be known that they are to be brought in alive."

"Alive? Are you certain about that?"

"Were this just a personal vendetta I would hunt them down myself, but there's more to it than that. I want to do this right, Varel. Esmerelle and the others will be put to trial and then publically executed. The people of Amaranthine must know that no matter your social standing, such treason will not go unpunished."

"Very well, Commander," Varel said with a bow.

"And as for the rest of you," Alyx continued as she turned to glare at her men. "We leave for the Knotwood Hills first thing in the morning, and when I say first thing I mean it. Up to this point I've been easy on you three, but it is time that you remembered that I am your commanding officer. From now on when I say I want you to be ready at the end of the morning chant I expect you to be geared up, sober, and standing in this courtyard when the last note of the last verse is being sung. I will brook no excuses, no arguments and no complaining of any sort unless you are mortally wounded. Cross me and you'll severely regret it. This isn't a pleasure trip, we have a job to do, so suck it up and act like the Grey Wardens I expect you to be."

Without another word Alyx turned on her heel, leaving her men standing in the middle of the courtyard gaping at her retreating form.

"Great," Oghren growled as he turned his angry glare at Anders and Nate. "You two get a little too touchy feely with the boss and she turns all military on us. Had I wanted to spend my days like that I woulda' stayed in the army."

Nate rolled his eyes and Anders sighed as he cross his arms.

"Oh, this is going to be a wonderful trip, I can just feel it," Anders drawled sarcastically.

"Save it for someone who cares, mage," Nate grumbled.

"Moody git," Anders spat as he narrowed his eyes at the rogue. "Just for that you can be the one to tell Velanna."

*Muse Tunes: "Ann and Gabriel" by John Williams (The Patriot OST); "Walkaway" by Thomas Newman (Meet Joe Black OST); Satellite Heart by Anya Marina; "Horizon" by Brian Tyler (Children of Dune OST).