Thank you for the reviews, TheOnyxDragon12! ;-) I finally have the plot all finished, but the chapters might be considerably slower coming out now, because there are numerous little details I have to fit in (plus the internet's really faulty at the moment).
DISCAIMER: You know the drill. I don't own Ultimate Spider-Man. I do own my OC Emma, the idea, and any poetry you may stumble across.
Chapter 8: Leaders
"Either we're a team or we aren't.
Either you trust me or you don't."
-Ally Carter
Emma's POV
That first training session was hard. Not because of the actual training part, but the team portion of it. I think that they still half-blamed me for their secret identities getting out, although S.H.I.E.L.D. said they had done a major mind wipe of the public.
It didn't help that I'd become lost on the way there. The Helicarrier is a big place, maze-like in many ways, and I didn't know my way around then. Even now, nearly two months later, I still get lost sometimes. When I found the training room at last, and had walked in, I saw that Sam, Luke, Peter, and Ava were all waiting for me.
"Sorry," I stuttered nervously.
"It's fine," said Ava, and she gave me a wan smile.
During the session itself, I continuously called my teammates by their real names instead of their codename. I could do the whole fighting part on my own just fine, simply using whatever Taekwondo movement sprung to mind. I didn't dare to use my 'power', being terrified that I'd hurt someone. Nick didn't push me to, then- I think he realized that I was going through enough of a change as it was.
However, Nick did shout at me to 'work as a team'. I had no idea what to do that would qualify as 'working together'. Ava was yelling out complicated team maneuvers that may as well have been an alien language for all I could comprehend of them. By the end of the session, I know that Sam was making lame jokes about me behind my back, but I was too exhausted from attempting to communicate with these people that I just went back to my room and flopped onto the bed.
Things have improved these past few months. Now I can usually guess what Ava means in training and attempt to follow her orders. Peter still doesn't say much to me. Sometimes I could swear that Sam is flirting with me, but he seems to do that to everybody, and Ava says not to pay any attention. Luke is nice enough to me, I suppose, though he doesn't say much and generally seems to avoid talking to me outside of training sessions.
Danny's been doing a lot better. He stayed in the 'hospital' area for about a month, then rested for a week before coming back to training. Nick makes him stop to rest often, and doesn't let him go on missions, though, because he has only been back for three weeks. Danny's really friendly to me. I usually can't help laughing at some of the things he says that the others call "fortune cookie" remarks, because they are really quite true. Nobody else seems to get them, but I think they're kind of cute.
This is a new feeling to me. There have always been boys considered 'cute' I suppose, but I haven't ever felt this way about anyone before. Maybe I never had a chance to before. Now, whenever I see him or even hear his name, butterflies flutter in my stomach, my heart beats faster, and I think that I blush.
Really, the worst thing that's come out of this is going to school. Nick says I have to, since I should technically be in twelfth grade.
The classes themselves are easy, in my opinion. Once again, it's the people that bother me. Being around so many kids at once really makes my head hurt, with all the energy, both negative and positive and everything else in between, that I'm absorbing. It's constant. I know that the other kids there think I'm weird, so I stick to myself. I usually just stick my head in a book and stay like that until the day is over. They still shove me around a lot, but I can't think of any way to make them stop, so I just let them get it over with, knowing that protesting will only drag it out more.
My teammates leave me to myself, too. I think that Ava and Danny are making an honest effort to include me, though. I sit with them at lunch, right beside Ava (across from Danny). Peter avoids me at school. His friends, the boy and the girl, seem friendly, but he always leads them away whenever he spots me in the vicinity. Ava says he used to sit with them on some days, but now he always sits with that boy and girl.
When I get back from school, I always find it really hard to train. My head is pounding by then- school really drains me. I tend to go straight to my room, collapse on my bed, and listen to music until the session begins and I have to get up.
I haven't gone on any 'missions' yet, because Nick says I'm too unstable at the moment, and frankly, I think I'd have to agree with him. Next week, though, is a new month (June), though, and he says I can start then. Danny can too, as long as he's careful.
This morning is a Saturday, though. It marks the final week of the school year. I realize that after this, I don't really have to go to school! I'm going to turn eighteen on June 21st, and then I'm truly free from any binding laws.
Stretching, I swing my legs over the bed. It's nine- I always sleep late on Saturdays, worn out from a full five grueling days of school. I'm refreshed by the idea that today I'm free to do whatever I want.
Sighing, I go and eat breakfast, then come back to my bedroom. I shower and slip into some loose yoga clothes. I'm not sure what I want to do. Maybe practice my form for Taekwondo? I still love Taekwondo, like I have ever since my parents enrolled me when I was five. Since joining S.H.I.E.L.D., I haven't had much spare time to practice. Taking a deep breath in, I begin, going through the movements.
Whoops! I nearly knock over the dresser. This room is really too small to do this sort of thing in. If I still lived in my apartment, I'd go to Central Park and practice, but now, I know that Nick isn't likely to let me go. Maybe there's somewhere in the Helicarrier I could practice? I resign to find someplace to go through my form other than my bedroom.
As I walk through the corridors in the Helicarrier, I notice many things that I haven't before. It's almost like I'm sightseeing, the way that I slowly stroll, taking my time to see everything that each portion of the Helicarrier has to offer. I'm so enthralled in my examination of some complex machinery that I walk right into somebody, and both of us stumble to the ground.
"Sorry," I mumble, standing. I see Danny, who has already jumped back up. He's wear casual clothing, not his uniform.
"It is fine. Accidents happen. What are you doing?"
I find myself blushing a little, and I hope he doesn't notice. "Just looking for somewhere to practice. I mean, practice my form. For Taekwondo."
He raises his eyebrows. "You are trained in martial arts?"
"Just Taekwondo."
"Could I see your form? I am trained in all forms of martial arts. Perhaps I could help?"
I blush and stutter. "Sure- I mean, please! But, um… you want me to show you here?"
Danny glances around. "No. This is a hallway. Perhaps you could show me in my bedroom? It is quite large- Fury moved me to a bigger room after I had broken too many lamps." He smiles. Coming from him, the friendly offer sounds completely innocent.
"Oh, uh, that would be great! If, I'm, not, um, bothering you?"
"Of course not."
Danny starts walking back the way I came, and I follow, clumsily tripping over my own feet in my haste. When we finally arrive there, I realize that his room is much bigger than mine. There's plenty of floor space. The walls and ceiling are painted and covered with various paintings, and the floor is wood. Just like my room, there isn't much furniture; just a bed, dresser, and (unlike my bedroom) a bookshelf. In one corner of the room, a skillfully hand woven rug with golden fringes is spread out and bordered by candles, for (I assume) meditating.
Danny surprises me by breaking the silence first. "What form are you on?"
"I know all the forms already. I was working on reviewing the Cycle 3 Advanced Belt Black Tip form, Chung Mu."
He nods. "How many movements? What is the form named after?"
I swallow, racking my brain. "Um… it's named after a great Admiral- Yo Sun Sun I think- who lived in the Yi dynasty. Um… history credits him for, uh, inventing the first battle ship? And doesn't the last attack symbolize his early death? Um… movements… thirty?"
Danny shakes his head, a small half smile lingering playfully on his lips. "Not quite. The Admiral was Yi Sun Sin, not Yo Sun Sun. He did not invent the first battle ship either- he invented the first armored battle ship."
I sheepishly direct my gaze at the floor. "Oops. Sorry."
Danny smiles at me. "Do not worry. Practice makes perfect."
"Almost perfect- there's no such thing as perfection," I correct him good-naturedly.
He grins back at me and says, "We are contained only by the walls we build around ourselves."
"If you say so," I tease, looking him in the eyes. To my surprise, his green eyes are sparkling with laughter. Danny really is laughing with me. "Hey, Danny, do you really know this form?"
"In its entirety. I may be a Kung Fu Master, but I have studied other forms of martial arts."
"Want to lead the form?"
A/N: In Taekwondo, when people do a form together one person often 'leads', meaning that the other person/people follow the leader's movements and keep time with the leader. The leader often commands the bowing and jumbi. (A form goes like this: first you stand up straight with your hands at your sides and feet together [cheriot], then you bow [kinyay], next your left foot steps out and your hands go into fists [jumbi]. Occasionally there is a jumbi hana where you put your feet together again and put your hands in a heart or a fist. Then you go through the form. After everyone has finished all the movements and kiyuped [shouted] on the last movement, the leader says 'barrow', which is where you return to the jumbi position, then 'show', when you bow.)
"Oh," Danny looks surprised. "Okay."
Once we've finished going through the form, Danny tells me some things I should work on. We go through it a couple more times, before he says he should meditate. I glance at the clock and am utterly shocked to see that four hours have passed.
I turn around as I am about to leave and say, "Hey, Danny? Thank you. It was great having some help. Maybe we could do it again sometime?"
Danny grins at me, his eyes twinkling, and replies, "Definitely. Next Saturday?"
"For sure. What time?"
"How about… ten?"
"Yeah. See you then!" I happily skip out, feeling the most lighthearted that I have in ages. Unfortunately, I'm not watching where I'm going again-
"Ouch!" Sam grimaces, rubbing his head. "Em, you really need to watch- hey, where are you going?"
I shrug. "Sorry! Oh, I'm not going anywhere. Just, you know." I shrug again.
Sam's eyes narrow, and he sees where I've come from. "Were you with Danny?" He doesn't even have to wait for my answer; it's written on my face- I can feel the red-hot blush creeping across my cheeks. "What were you doing?"
"Just, um… practicing Taekwondo."
"What's-" Sam is cut off by Fury.
"Alexander. I need to see you. Now. Come with me."
"Hey, but I was-"
The rest of Sam's comment is lost to me as I continue walking back to my room, finding myself skipping again (this time paying much more attention to my whereabouts). I end up spending the remainder of my day trying to read my book, but failing to concentrate on the written words as my mind wanders back and forth, often stopping on Danny. This is the most freedom I've had, the most lighthearted and carefree I've felt that I can remember.
I go to sleep that night with my thoughts still filled with the day's events, falling into a deep slumber.
"No, no. Leave him alone," she cried, shielding me from the wolf pack. They snarled in response, baring their terrible white fangs, which glinted in the moonlight. The biggest of the pack stepped forward. The leader. He poised to jump, still snarling, and pounced.
Blood. So much blood. I shivered. They had dragged her away. I was too weak to stand, and my mother, my beautiful kind mother, was dead. Torn apart. I didn't cry; I was too numb with pain. All the blood. My dear mother's blood.
Too much blood. Too much death. She was gone, I was alone. She was dead. Forever.
Oh, all the blood-stained snow, stinking of death.
I wake, gasping, in cold sweat. It was just a dream.
No it wasn't. My dreams are never just dreams. I swallow, turning over. What did I just see?
I just saw the murder of someone's mother by wolves, amidst freezing cold mountains. I was just a poor little boy, learning what death smelled like. Too young. That boy was too young to witness that. I can't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks… It's been so long since I've had a Memory Dream, I'd forgotten how vivid and real they are.
Trying to calm down, I lay there in my bed, staring at the ceiling as though it holds the answers to my questions.
I don't fall asleep again that night. Finally, I get out of bed at five, and go through the motions of my usual morning routine, numb to all but my thoughts. There's no way I could've helped that boy, it was just a memory, but a haunting memory nevertheless. I don't even know the boy or his mother, but I can't help but pitying them both. I may have seen worse, but something about these people seems all too familiar and really hits close to home.
Home. Is the Helicarrier my home now? Is anywhere my home? If such a thing as a home exists, then this must be it, here. So this is what it feels like to have a home. I've had many houses, but never a home before.
A home holds your family, your life. It's where you return to after everything, and no matter where you end up, that place- your home- is where you'll always belong, always return. Is this giant metal Helicarrier truly my home now, after only a few short months? At the moment those months may have well have made up my entire existence, being weighted with all my happy memories. Do I have a family here, though? Are these people my family?
I don't know. I've always wanted a family. That's what I've been searching for. Friends who will be my family. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves. These people, are they friends like that?
For all the time that I've known them in person, it feels like longer. I care more about them than my Forgotten family of my long-lost 'childhood' that never happened. I care about these people, these friends more than anyone else in the world, because they've let me into their home to make it my own. Does that make them my family?
That boy in my Dream- his mother loved him enough to die for him. She sacrificed herself. He loved her so, so much. Right then he lost his mother, his family, his childhood, and what sparse years that made up his life all in one moment. One moment that became a Memory, forever sealed by the blood spilled on that cold, moonlit night.
I've never known anybody like that. Nobody's ever loved me, few have cared for me, and no one has helped me. I never lost my childhood, because you can't lose something you didn't ever have in the first place. Now I wonder what having a few short years to be a child, carefree and young at heart, would have been like.
Even though it seems silly, I want to care about someone enough that they're a friend who is family, and that I truly love them for who they are so much that they could shatter my whole world, then put it together again, piece by piece. Somebody who will give me warm, comforting hugs and somebody to laugh and smile with, somebody to hold my hand with so we can walk through life's garden together, and help each other up again. Somebody who would take these small, torn bits of me and mend them into one again.
How was the chapter? I'm sure you're tired of me saying this, but I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd drop a little review off before you leave! Thanks for reading! (My apologies for the A/N in the middle of the chapter, I didn't know how else to explain, I hope it made some amount of sense.)
-FFS