Chapter 42 - Misery

Nate's promised "later" would have to wait until much much later, to Alyx's everlasting chagrin. As it turned out, being unconscious for such a lengthy time did little for the constitution, a fact that established itself upon her first attempt to stand. Luckily Zevran had been there to catch her when her legs buckled beneath her weight; otherwise she would have become far more acquainted with the gaudy Orlesian rug than she ever wanted to be.

"You know, there are easier ways of telling me that you are falling for me, my dear," Zevran had said with a flirtatious wink as he gently helped her back into bed. Alyx had laughed with him; pleased that despite everything that had recently happened, at least their relationship had remained unchanged. It was more than she could say for the state of her relationship with Anders.

Well, at least he's talking to me…sort of, she thought wryly after he left her rooms the next morning. When Anders hadn't come to see her that first day she'd begun to worry that she'd irrevocably damaged her relationship with him. Then she had awakened to the sight of him lounging in a chair by the hearth reading a book, quite like she had after her poison-induced coma. So much had changed since then, which was more than evident in the strained conversation they shared as he deftly checked her vitals with nimble, practiced movements. Her heart ached at the marked difference in his demeanor, but as much as it hurt she found solace, however small, in the fact that he still cared enough to make sure she was healing properly. It would have to be enough…at least for now, though she hoped with time he would not only understand her decisions but come to peace with them, and with her. Of course she wasn't naive enough to believe that things could ever go back to the way they were, but she could still hope, right?

Happiness never comes without price, or so it always seemed from her experience; and despite her crumbling friendship and the added annoyance of being bed-ridden, she was happy. Deliriously so. Her heart was practically bursting with all the giddiness that always seemed to come at the start of a new relationship. She smiled like a fool every time she thought of Nate and actually had to stop herself a time or two from laughing outright, lest she scare someone with her odd behavior. It was as if she were a starry-eyed lass again, basking in the glow of first love. Alyx giggled at the thought. After all, Nate had been her first love. How remarkable that after everything they'd been through she would end up right back where she started.

"Commander. It's good to see you finally awake," a familiar voice rumbled from the open doorway, interrupting the flow of her thoughts.

"Varel! Come in," Alyx cooed, a warm smiled wreathing her lips in greeting as she gestured to the chair conveniently placed by the bedside. "I was wondering if you would come see me. Tell me, for Andraste's sake, that you have something that needs to be done. "

Varel cocked his head and then barked with laughter when her words, added to the pleading look on her face, finally began to sink in.

"I never thought to see the day that you begged me for paperwork, Commander," he said as he took a seat.

"Nor did I, but I never thought to be trapped to my bed again now did I?"She replied with a smirk. "Please Varel, I'm desperate for a distraction."

"I would, my Lady, but I've already been warned against disturbing you with such matters until you've regained your strength," Varel said with a sympathetic smile.

"Anders," Alyx hissed underneath her breathe, inwardly seething at his audacity. Bloody know-it-all mage! How dare he go behind my back! Note to self: Kill Anders for being far too meddlesome for his own good, she thought to herself.

Something of her frustration must have shown on her face, for she heard Varel laugh, though he tried to cover it with a cough.

"I wouldn't be too angry with him, Commander. As your healer he is understandably concerned about your well-being, as are we all, truth be told. You gave us quite the scare…but you must forgive my informality. If you wish I can bring you your personal correspondence, it has been piling up since you were last at the Vigil. Everything else, I assure you, has been taken well in hand."

"Come now, Varel. You needn't stand on ceremony with me, especially when it's just the two of us. I thought you would've learned that by now," Alyx said with a cheeky grin that widened when the Seneschal's face flushed red.

"Of course, my apologies my…er…Falcon. It is merely a force of habit."

"After working for the likes of Rendon Howe I could hardly be surprised," she murmured in return.

"As you say, Commander," Varel replied with an acknowledging dip of his head and a mischievous smile as a look of understanding passed between them.

"Well, now that we've commenced with the pleasantries…why don't you tell me why you're really here," Alyx said with a meaningful look as she demurely folded her hands in her lap and shot him a look that would have made her mother proud. Varel looked abashed by her words and countenance, and then abruptly guilty, piquing her interest even further. The Keep's Seneschal was a little gruff to be sure, but he was never one to be so evasive. Hmm, interesting, she thought as she tried not to smile when his face turned and interesting shade of purple while he attempted to explain.

"I must confess that inquiring after your health…wasn't my only reason for visiting you today," he began. "Do you remember my daughter Elaina?"

"Is she the one that wants to run away with the Orlesian circus, the painter, or the one who's sweet on Captain Garavel?" Alyx said with a wicked grin.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Varel groaned and shook his head.

Alyx couldn't help but laugh. It had been more than a little surprising to learn that not only was the Senechal a father of five but that they were all girls, each with the same fiery red hair (and temperament) as their mother. To imagine the serious, ever-practical Varel with such an unruly brood was shocking to say the least, but it had gone a long way to explaining his seemingly endless patience, and had ultimately earned both him and his wife Alyx's unconditional respect.

"Elaina's my eldest…though I can't blame you for confusing the lot of them. I sometimes have a hard time of it myself," Varel continued with a warm chuckle. "She's to be wed in a few weeks time."

"But that's wonderful news! Who's the lucky groom?"

"One of the guardsmen here at the Vigil…Thomas is his name. He's young but he's a bright lad. Has quite the promising career ahead of him, or so I've been told."

"Then what's the problem?" Alyx asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"No problem really it's just that…well, you see, Commander…"

"Come on then, spit it out man!"

"Right," Varel said with a deep sigh. "Andraste knows all my girls have spirit, but Elaina has always been the most mild-mannered of my daughters. Sweet and modest, she never gave us cause to worry, even as a child. She's not afraid to speak her mind, mind you, but she has always been the genuine sort, ready to offer a helping hand without ever expecting a thing in return. She sometimes reminds me of you, Commander…if you pardon my saying so. At any rate, when she and Thomas told us of their intentions she asked for little beyond our blessing, but there is one thing she does want. You see, she would like for you to attend the wedding, if you're willing and still in residence, of course."

"Me? Why would she want me there? We hardly know each other!" Alyx asked in surprise.

"I know, Commander, and have told her so myself, but she wanted me to ask nonetheless. It seems you've made quite the impression on her. To hear her tell it you are the epitome of beauty and grace, and of everything a noblewoman should be. She looks up to you, as do all my daughters. Besides, who wouldn't want to have the Hero of Fereldan in attendance at their wedding?" Varel supplied with a sly grin.

Alyx groaned and rolled her eyes, producing yet another chuckle from the Seneschal.

"I take it you're not fond of the title?" he asked in bemusement.

"I hate it," she grumbled. "I wish people would stop calling me that. I'm not a hero. I'm just a girl who was lucky enough to survive when so many others didn't."

"Is that what you really think?" Varel asked, his expression falling.

"Think about it Varel. If I was the hero everybody makes me out to be, would I still be sitting here today?" she asked with a sad smile. "It seems everybody keeps forgetting that it was Alistair who killed the Archdemon, not I. He is the true hero…but you didn't come here to listen to me gripe. You may tell your daughter that I'll gladly accept her invitation on one condition…that I be allowed to supply the provisions for the festivities afterwards."

"I…that is very generous of you, Commander," Varel said in surprise.

"Think nothing of it," she replied with a wave of her hand. "Have Elaina come up for tea tomorrow afternoon. I would like to go over some specifics…and to get to know her better, if it would please her."

"She'll be over the moon for sure, Commander," Varel replied, looking both grateful and relieved. "Thank you, truly. She would have asked you herself but was afraid it might be too impertinent to do so. It means the world to me to be able to grant her this, at least."

"You serve the Vigil well, my friend. To ensure the happiness of you and yours is the least I can do in return."

Varel nodded and stood to take his leave. When he reached the door he stopped and turned to look back at her.

"You are a hero, my Lady Falcon, never doubt that," he said, his voice rough with some deep emotion. "And I've never been more honored to serve anyone as I serve you and the Order. Blood to blood, Commander…even if I am not a Warden myself."

"Thank you, my friend," Alyx replied, doing her best not to tear up at this unexpected vote of confidence. "Though you might as well consider yourself and honorary member of the Grey. You already know most of our secrets anyway."

Varel smiled and dipped his head in acknowledgment and then turned and left her alone to her thoughts. Immediately Alyx began planning out the wedding feast in her mind. A wedding was just what the people needed right now, to remind them that despite the hardships they faced life did continue on, and that happiness could be found even in the darkest of times. It would give everyone the chance to forget their troubles if only for a day, but a day without death, destruction and darkspawn. Yes, she had big plans for the wedding celebration, but she would not move forward without the bride's consent. It was Elaina's big day after all, not her own, but if she was willing and Alyx had her way, it would certainly be a day to remember.

Highever weddings were always considerable affairs, attended by everyone in the region from the lowliest peasant to the Teryn himself. There would be feasting and dancing, singing and drinking and sometimes even extravagant fetes that lasted two or three days… depending on the size of the family's pocketbook of course. When Fergus and Oriana had married their parents had hosted a two-day tourney followed by a parade and a full day of feasting. Of course Alyx had neither the funds nor the time to host such an elaborate event herself, but it was still her hope to bring something of the tradition to the Vigil.

Alyx was suddenly very eager to meet with Elaina. She wanted to begin the preparations immediately, for there would be much to do. Lucky for her, until she was well enough to return to her duties she would have more than enough time to plan. Things are certainly looking up, she thought as she settled herself back against her pillows. Arranging the festivities not only gave her something to do it gave her something to look forward to. It also presented her with the motivation she needed to get her back on her feet, for nothing was going to stop her from dancing with Nate at the wedding celebration. Things are looking up indeed.

Three days later Alyx was ready to tear her hair out. Typically she would have found something to busy herself with in order to forget her frustrations (i.e. throwing herself into her work, beating the living piss out of something…which, fortunately for her, often coincided with each other), but therein lay the crux of her problem. Here they were, about to face Maker knows what against the darkspawn and she couldn't so much as go to the privy without asking for assistance. She hated feeling so weak, and she absolutely despised being trapped in her bed like some damned invalid. It was like she was a foreigner in her own body…or a prisoner. It didn't help that she was rarely afforded time to herself despite everyone's insistence that she needed to rest. There always seemed to be someone hanging about her rooms, whether it be a servant, a curious well-wisher, or whichever of her friends just so happened to be "assigned" to her for the day. Of course they didn't know that she was on to them, but as much as it frustrated her she knew they had her best interests at heart. Besides, there was little she could do about it. Anders had insisted that she remain on bed rest for the time being (at the threat of chaining her to the bed if necessary) and as loathe as she was to admit it, she hadn't the strength to do more than pout about it.

Only Zevran seemed to understand her need for movement. He would appear every day (once everyone else was otherwise occupied) just to walk with her around her rooms, offering his support whenever it was needed. Alyx had been disheartened at first at how quickly she tired, but as the days passed she found herself able to walk longer and further before having to rely on his strength. Zev, for his part, endured their sessions patiently; never once complaining when she lost her footing or had to stop and catch her breath. She sometimes wondered why he bothered at all, and had even asked him as much. After all, there was nothing to be gained from helping her, but he had simply shrugged and said, "Why not?" as he flashed her that all-too familiar grin. She knew there was more to it than that but pushing the issue would only result in his balking completely (which would truly be a shame, for she was thoroughly enjoying having him around again).

By the end of the week Alyx had improved but was still trapped in her rooms for the most part. She sighed as she waited for Anders to stop by, as was his habit at this time of the morning. She'd been up for what seemed like hours already and had picked up a book to distract herself, but instead of reading she found herself staring out the window, her book forgotten in her lap. Her thoughts kept flitting back to Anders and his troublesome behavior these past few days.

She'd been wrong to think that he was as unaffected by her actions as he seemed to be at first. Yes, he still came to see her, but his visits were always brief and strictly clinical in nature. He would perform a quick examination then leave just as quickly, never speaking to her unless it was absolutely necessary. Even then his answers were often short and abrupt to the point that she often winced at the harsh staccato of his words. Alyx had tried to draw him out but was met with very little success. In fact her attempts seemed to backfire, causing him to withdraw even further into himself. In short, she was worried about him.

A soft knock heralded the arrival of the very person she'd been thinking about…or so she thought until the door swung open and she saw that it was Velanna standing on the other side, not Anders as she assumed.

"Velanna. What are you doing here?" she asked in surprise.

"I was told to see how you are mending," Velanna said as she hastily crossed to the bed and placed a hand to her forehead.

"Where is Anders?"

"How should I know?" Velanna snapped peevishly.

"Did he not ask you to come in his stead?" Alyx asked, confused.

"In a matter of speaking," Velanna replied with a snort. "He sent me a note. Apparently he feels that since you are on the mend and in no immediate need of his 'particular abilities' that his attention would be better employed elsewhere."

Ouch, Alyx thought with an inward wince.

"As if I can't heal just as well as him," Velanna continued. "If you ask me he's off somewhere sulking like the annoying, self-centered shem that he is…hey! Where do you think you are going?"

"I have to find him, Velanna," Alyx said as she threw off her blankets and climbed out of the bed.

"Anders-Nathaniel-Nathaniel-Anders. Creators but I'll never understand you humans! Can't you ever make up your minds?" Velanna grumbled as she watched Alyx precariously cross the room to the armoire.

"I have made up my mind," Alyx replied as she pulled on her robe and cinched it tightly around her waist. "Just because I'm with Nate now doesn't mean I'm no longer friends with Anders. If you know where he is please tell me. He's hurting, Velanna, and it is my fault. I have to talk to him…try to fix things between us if I can. "

Velanna shot Alyx a speculative look as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. Several heavy moments passed before the elven woman finally sighed as if in defeat.

"I might have seen him walking towards the library after breakfast," she reluctantly offered.

"Thank you," Alyx whispered, a wide grin spreading across her face as she briefly squeezed Velanna's arm and turned to shuffle out the door.

"No. Stop. Don't go," Velanna called after her in a strangely monotone voice. Alyx turned and arched an eyebrow at her in question, but Vellanna simply shrugged. "It's none of my business if you kill yourself wandering after that ungrateful buffoon, but if anyone asks I can truthfully tell them I tried to stop you." And with that Velanna sauntered past her and out the door. Alyx inwardly shrugged and headed in the opposite direction down the hallway.

The walk from the private sector to the Vigil's library was not necessarily a long one but to Alyx it might as well have been a trek to the other side of Thedas. By the time she reached the main part of the Keep her legs had begun to shake with fatigue and she'd become acutely aware of her state of dress, or lack thereof as it was. Open looks of surprise and curiosity followed her progress, though she could hardly blame the lot of them for staring. No doubt she looked a fright, shuffling along in nothing but her nightshift and robe, her hair hanging loose and sleep-rumpled around her face. She wouldn't be surprised if the castle staff mistook her for the spirit of some long dead Avvar woman forever doomed to wander the Vigil's halls…or that they thought she had completely taken leave of her senses. Either way, she was not about to turn around now. Not when she'd already come so far.

Alyx was never so glad when she finally reached her destination. She leaned against the door-jam to rest and sighed in contentment as she was greeted by the scent of old leather and parchment. It was a familiar smell and one that had always reminded her of her father's library back at Highever Castle. She would spend hours there as a child, running ruddy fingers over leather-bound volumes as she wandered from bookshelf to bookshelf, or curled up in one her father's favorite overstuffed armchairs, immersed in whatever adventure story that struck her fancy at the time. There, too, she had taken her lessons with the old castle historian, Master Aldous, who loved to make her recite Fereldan history by rote (while he pretended not to nod off in some comfortable corner of the room). They were bittersweet memories of a far simpler time, but memories that she held close to her heart nonetheless.

A plaintive mew interrupted her thoughts and she looked up just in time to see a familiar furry head poke out from behind the corner.

"Hello lad," Alyx cooed as Ser-Pounce-a-Lot padded towards her. She was surprised at how much the tabby had grown since she had found him wandering the Vigil's courtyard alone. It was no wonder Anders had stopped bringing him along on their missions. He was unlikely to fit in his satchel anymore. "A proper tom now, are we?" she murmured as she tried to bend down to pet him, but her legs gave way from overuse and she landed on the floor with a soft thud. She humphed once in irritation and then shrugged as she pulled the cat into her lap. "You wouldn't know where your master is, hmm?" she asked as she scratched him behind the ears, but Pounce only stared at her with large, curious yellow eyes.

"Falcon?" Anders voice floated out from behind a set of heavy oak bookshelves a moment before he came into view. "What are you—how did you get here?"

"I walked of course, goose," she teased as she lifted her hands in silent request. Anders helped her to her feet but her legs were still a little wobbly from the walk and she swayed into him before she could stop herself. She didn't miss the way his body immediately stiffened at the contact and she closed her eyes in a silent call for patience.

"Andraste's flaming sword, woman, you shouldn't be out of bed let alone walking clear across the castle unattended. You could have hurt yourself!"

"Honestly, after everything we've been through you'd think you all would have a little more faith in me," she grumbled as she let him help her to a chair.

Anders sighed and ran a hand over his tousled blonde hair as he sat down across from her. At first he just stared at her, hazel eyes filled with concern, but there was also a bone-deep weariness there that she could understand all-too well.

"What are you even doing down here?" he finally asked.

"I came to find you, actually," she began. "Anders…we need to talk."

"Look, if this is about this morning—"

"This has nothing to do with Velanna," Alyx interrupted. Anders snapped his mouth closed and abruptly looked away.

"There is nothing more to say," he said as he continued to stare across the room, the minute twitching of a muscle in his jaw the only indication of his feelings.

"I know you're upset and you have every right to be, but you have to know…I need you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. You have become a dear friend, Anders, and it wounds me to see you suffering so."

Anders remained still but she could see the emotions battling in his eyes and her heart ached for him. Please say something, she silently pleaded.

"You should have told me," he said after awhile.

"You're right."

"That's it…you're right?" Anders growled as he finally looked at her.

"What is it that you expect me to say?" Alyx fumed. "I'm only human, Anders! I was scared and weak and emotionally confused. At the time I thought that maintaining a neutral stance was the only sensible choice. I never thought that I would only be making it worse."

"And? Were you ever planning on telling me or were you just going to stay silent forever?"

"Does it matter?" Alyx snapped. She sighed as he looked away again and the fight abruptly drained from her. "What's done is done. There's no going back, nor would it change anything even if we could. You are my friend, Anders, and nothing more. Any relationship between us would only end in heartbreak. Can you not see that?" she asked. When he didn't respond she continued on. "I know it doesn't seem like it now but you'll see by-and-by when you fall for someone else that this is what's best…for the both of us."

"You haven't hurt me really," Anders said with a long-suffering sigh. "I…it was only my own foolishness…to believe that you might ever love someone like me."

"Someone like you?"

"An apostate."

"Oh, Anders! That has nothing to do with it! And I do love you; I'm just not in love with you. Do you understand?"

Anders head had snapped up at her words but he looked crestfallen once he let them sink in. He nodded once in answer and stood, offering her his hand as he attempted to smile.

"Come on then, let's get you back to your room," he said, abruptly ending the conversation. He carefully helped her out of the chair and then wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her.

"Anders…I know I don't have any right to ask, but could you perhaps take me up to the battlements instead?"

"The battlements? Why on Thedas would you want to go all the way up there?"

"I haven't been outdoors in weeks. I need fresh air, Anders, before I go stark raving mad. I'm not dressed for the courtyard and it's the only other place I can think of where I won't be seen. Please?"

"Fine," Anders replied reluctantly as he bent to swing her up into his arms but Alyx relented.

"I can walk if you would just let me lean on you for a time," she insisted. Anders groaned and rolled his eyes.

"You have to be the most stubborn woman I have ever met," he grumbled, but allowed her to take his arm instead as they walked out of the library and down the hallway.

By the time they reached the roof Alyx's muscles were screaming but she considered the trip a small victory nonetheless. Breathing heavily, she clung to the nearest wall and pressed a cheek to the cool stone, reveling in the feel of it against her heated skin as her racing heart slowly began to calm. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply of the warm, moist air as a pleasant breeze brushed past them, lifting sweaty tendrils of hair from her forehead. It was an overcast day but when Alyx opened her eyes the sun had poked its head out just enough to throw rays of light and color dancing across the sky in spectacular relief. She nearly choked on the emotion that overtook her in that singular moment. Such beauty was a gift from the Maker himself, and the sight of it left her breathless. To think that she might never have gotten the chance to experience something like this ever again…that's when it truly hit her. She'd nearly died and some part of her had wanted it. Now, looking out over the Arling of Amaranthine…her Amaranthine…she wanted nothing more than life. She wanted to live again; truly live instead of the half-life she'd confined herself to since Alistair's death, and the realization was overwhelming. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Ah, I recognize that look," Anders said as he stopped next to her. "The Circle used to allow harrowed mages outside every once and a while for a little exercise and fresh air…carefully supervised by the templars, of course. I very nearly cried when I saw the sky for the first time since being taken to the tower. It had been years…I had nearly forgotten what it was like," he explained, his expression poignant, his gaze distant as he reminisced. "In that moment I vowed to myself that I would find a way to be free again."

Alyx wanted to comfort him but she knew there was nothing that could be said. The Order might offer many things, but freedom? How many times had she, herself felt trapped by her circumstances?

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she clasped his hand.

He didn't balk as she thought he would. Instead he glanced down at their conjoined hands and then back up at her face, his hazel eyes searching hers for something she didn't quite comprehend until it was too late. She gasped when Anders pulled her close and crushed his mouth against hers before she could pull away. At first she decided she would let him have his stolen kiss. At the very least he would see that there was nothing between them. She never expected to find her arms weaving around his neck to pull him closer, and she certainly never expected to kiss him back, but it was almost impossible not to with him pouring his heart and soul into this one final, passionate act of desperation.

"You're a liar," he gasped between deep breaths of air when he finally pulled away.

"Anders—"

"You can't tell me you feel nothing for me…not after that," he said as he grabbed her upper arms and shook her once, gently.

"I feel for you Anders," she whispered, her body trembling as tears started to stream down her face.

"Then why? Why him and not me?" he begged, his voice shaking as his grip tightened around her arms.

"Anders, please—"

"WHY Falcon? Please, for the love of the Maker, tell me why—"

"Because I love him!" She cried, startling herself with her own words. "I love him…" she repeated breathlessly, as if not quite believing what she'd just said.

Alyx had known for some time now that she was in love with Nate but this was the first time she had said the words out loud. It was unnerving and yet somehow liberating to finally be able to admit it, but it was also painful to see Anders' face contort with anguish and his shoulders slump in defeat.

"We can't choose who we love," she whispered to him as she placed a hand on his shoulder. Anders turned from out of her grasp and hung his head in misery, but it didn't take him long to collect himself again. He took a deep breath and turned back to face her, and even flashed an exasperated half-smile.

"Come on then," he said softly as he scooped her up and, without another word, carried her all the way back to her rooms.

Anders gently placed her on the bed and settled the blankets around her legs. He leaned down to situate the pillows for her but dropped his arm when she caught his eye.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked carefully.

"Anything," she replied with an encouraging smile.

"You told me once that if I ever wished to leave that I could do so without reprisal. Would you hold to that if I asked it of you?"

"I…of course," she responded with a smile, though her heart had dropped clear down to her toes. Did he really mean to leave?

Anders nodded and straightened to his full height, but when he turned to go Alyx began to panic.

"Anders, I…when will you leave?" she asked and then mentally slapped herself in the forehead.

Anders sighed and glanced up at the ceiling before walking back to the bedside. She swallowed hard when his expression turned cold and his eyes became hard and unforgiving.

"I didn't ask for this life, Commander. I never wanted it, and I can't pretend as the others do…not any more. I made you a promise once and I mean to keep it. I would see this through to the end, but once this is over…once the Architect and the Mother are no longer a threat…"

Alyx nodded slowly in understanding. He didn't need to finish for her to grasp the full meaning of his words. Some deep emotion passed across Anders' face before he turned and walked away. He hesitated at the door, fists pumping open and closed as he struggled with some internal part of himself.

"You were wrong you know," he finally said, his voice barely breaking above a whisper. "There will never be another…not for me." And with that he walked out the door without so much as a glance behind him.

Alyx clutched at her throat as she watched him leave, feeling as if someone had just punched her in the chest. She wanted to call him back, to beg him not to go, but she remained frozen in place; unable to move or speak lest she fall to pieces completely. She felt the tears prick the back of her eyes but they refused to fall, just as her mind refused to move past the fact that he was going to leave her. It might not be today or tomorrow for that matter, but someday soon the day would come and she would be forced to watch yet another of her friends leave her life forever.

What have I done? She asked herself miserably. Please Anders. Please Don't go.

*Muse Tunes: "I'm in Here" by Sia, "Awaken" by Dario Marianelli (Jane Eyre 2011 OST), "Walkaway" by Thomas Newman (Meet Joe Black OST), and "Belong" by the Cary Brothers.