Unrelated fandom side note: So the following anecdote has nothing to do with Rookie Blue, but I thought it would be appreciated here anyways. I went to get my hair cut this week and had the following conversation:

Hairdresser: I've been trying to think who you remind me of, and I just figured it out. Have you ever seen Lost Girl?

Me: Yes…

H: Do you know who Zoie Palmer is?

Me: uh, yes…

H: You look like her.

Me: False. But thank you for that.

H: Similar personality too. She comes here to get her hair done. And I do her partner's hair too.

So yeah, apparently I share a hairdresser with Zoie Palmer. NBD.

Okay, so I went there. I wrote about 'the haircut'. Gail's that is.

I also feel like I just wrote an ending, which I didn't realize I was doing until I wrote it. I have further chapters in my head though. So that was unexpected. Holy conflicted feelings, Batman.

Let me know what you think. Happy reading.

Chapter 8 Reborn

Holly lay in bed, unable to sleep. It was getting harder and harder not to tell Gail exactly how she felt about her. It was so unlike Holly not to be forthright, bold even. But she had her reasons or so she tried to tell herself.

At the bottom of it though, Holly was afraid of losing Gail. Whenever she felt the overwhelming desire to tell Gail how much she was in love with her, she remembered what Gail had told her. Gail was an admitted runner, a serial self-destructor.

Gail had to say it first.

Holly thought about how awful she had felt when Gail had distanced herself after their first night together. She had come back again, apologetic and with reassurance that it wouldn't happen again. The difference now was that Holly was beyond being capable of just being friends with Gail. She couldn't go back to that – she felt too much, too deeply. These thoughts remained in the back of Holly's head, a small blight on what were otherwise the happiest days Holly had ever had.

It was in the quiet moments at home when it was the hardest to clamp down on the urge to tell everything that was in her heart. So they had started going out more. Holly supposed that it was a good thing they were getting out and doing things together, instead of just staying in alone, usually in bed. They had gone to the movies. They had spent an afternoon walking around Little Portugal, going into interesting little bookstores and record shops. And Holly had enjoyed every moment.

Gail had also seemed more at ease when they had gone out. Holly still noted a change in Gail, the same one she had noticed right before her birthday. Holly could see it in Gail's face. It was present in the way that Gail interacted with her. Holly would catch her staring intensely, but Gail would avert her eyes whenever she caught her. Gail was acting twitchy, and it added to Holly's apprehension.

Holly wondered when relationships had become so complicated. Oh right, when I met Gail Peck.

Gail rolled over, frustrated that she couldn't fall asleep. She was falling more in love with Holly every day. She wondered if the depth of her feelings for Holly had a bottom, hoped that they did, but suspected they did not. Gail was slow with emotional processing to begin with – now she needed to catch her breath, but couldn't.

Gail fought the urge to self-destruct. Holly was being so patient and kind, but this only made Gail feel less deserving. Gail knew how to keep people at a distance. She was sarcastic. She could be cold. If she suspected she was going to get hurt or she wanted a way out, she didn't just end a relationship - she hit the destruct button.

Gail was terrified of being hurt by Holly. What had she done to deserve this beautiful, kind, clever woman? Gail wasn't going to self-destruct this time, but she couldn't find the courage to risk her heart and tell Holly exactly how she felt either. She needed to know that Holly felt it too before she could risk it.

They had been going out a lot more recently, and it took some of the pressure off of Gail. She sensed that something was different with Holly though. Gail had noticed a certain twitchiness with Holly. Maybe it was a police officer's intuition or just Gail's paranoia, but something felt different.

Gail was a fighter - that's the way Peck's were bred. If she got knocked down by love this time though, Gail wasn't sure she could recover.

Holly had to say it first.

Gail quietly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Holly. She pulled on Holly's flannel shirt, which she had appropriated as her own now. It was warm, and it smelled like Holly. That shirt felt like home.

Gail silently padded out into the living room and stood staring out at the city lights. As a police officer, she had had many sleepless nights. She had looked out over Toronto, as it slept, countless times. She had, however, never been unable to sleep because she was too happy. That's a really healthy reaction, Gail.

"Hey, can't sleep?" Holly's voice sounded behind her.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" Gail asked, as Holly wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her chin on her shoulder.

"No. I was having trouble sleeping too. You ok?" Holly placed a gentle kiss on the side of Gail's neck.

"Just restless. How come you can't sleep?"

"Same. Restless."

They stood there for a moment, looking out at the lights, wrapped around each other.

"You know I have this old trick I've been using since med school for when I can't sleep?" Holly said, breaking the silence.

"Oh yeah?"

"Medically proven to cure insomnia."

"Valuable to a police officer doing shiftwork. Please share."

"You know Gray's Anatomy…"

"The TV show?" This was not what Gail was expecting.

Holly chuckled deeply behind her. "Go get back in bed, and I'll show you."

Gail looked at her skeptically, but padded back to the bedroom. Holly went over to one of her bookshelves and pulled down a thick, well-worn textbook. She followed Gail back into the bedroom.

"Gray's Anatomy with an A, instead of an E," Holly said, as she crawled into bed next to Gail, turning on her bedside lamp.

"Oh. Now I feel sort of dumb," Gail mumbled.

"Don't be silly. When I was a kid I used to find any book on the human body fascinating, including this one. But when I got to med school and began to study properly, I realized how incredibly dry this textbook is. Without fail, I used to fall asleep trying to study it. I still pull it out whenever I can't sleep. Never fails."

Holly smiled at the unconvinced look on Gail's face. "Trust me."

"Okay, Dr. Stewart. Try it out on your most difficult patient." Gail went to the usual crook in Holly's shoulder, resting her head, and draped her arm and leg over Holly's body.

Holly turned to a particularly boring section on cartilage and began to read.

Gail loved to listen to the soft timbre of Holly's voice. She ignored the boring medical jargon and the complicated Latin words and focused on the cadence of Holly's reading. She felt herself relaxing, soothed by the sound of Holly's voice.

Holly felt Gail's breathing slow as she began to fall asleep. Holly read for a while longer, until her own eyes began to droop. She looked down at Gail, fast asleep. Holly silently closed the book and set it aside. She gently kissed Gail on the top of her head.

"I love you, Gail," Holly whispered to her sleeping form.

Holly turned off the light and fell asleep.

Gail and Chris had been called to the scene of a particularly bad accident that afternoon. A small sedan had been struck by a semi, killing the man driving the car instantly. The truck driver, as well as the other passenger in the car, the driver's wife, did not have critical injuries. Gail had been left to console the poor woman, who was utterly bereft.

Once those involved had been put into ambulances and the scene was secured, Gail and Chris had been sent to get statements at the hospital from the two survivors involved in the accident.

Gail truly hated this part of her job. She had to extract information about the accident from a woman who was grief-stricken about her husband. Gail took a deep breath and pushed open the door to the hospital room. The woman sat on the hospital bed, looking very small.

"Mrs. Spencer, do you need me to call anyone for you?" Gail asked.

"No, our children are on their way. My youngest is in Ottawa studying at Carleton University. The oldest is a graphic designer in Montreal. My daughter is on her way now though. She lives in Scarborough," said the woman, dazed.

"I'm very sorry about your loss, but I need to get a statement from you about the accident," Gail said, softly.

"We were married for thirty years," the woman went on, as though Gail hadn't spoken. Gail just let her talk. "We met in school, got married very young, but I never doubted we would always be together. I knew. He's the only man I've ever loved. Now I don't know what I'm supposed to do." The woman put her face in her hands and wept silently.

Gail put her arm around the woman. "Why don't you tell me about him?"

Gail had sat with the woman until her daughter had arrived at the hospital. She had told Gail stories about her life with her husband. Gail had waited to get the statement from her until the end.

Gail felt like she had been kicked in the gut. As she sat in that hospital room, she couldn't help but think of Holly. Gail had only known Holly for a relatively brief time, certainly not thirty years, but she already couldn't fathom such a loss.

As a police officer, Gail shouldn't have needed to be reminded about how precious every moment is. How easily it can be taken away. Guess I'm a slow learner.

Gail had been practically bursting with the need to tell Holly that she loved her, but she had kept it to herself. She felt foolish now. Love had been making her feel foolish a lot lately. She had finally had enough of holding back, and she wasn't going to do it anymore. This was the last time she was going to need to learn this lesson.

If she was going to get her heart stomped on, she was at least going to have the courage to really say how she felt first. Gail felt strangely calm.

She had plans to go out for dinner with Holly later that night, but Gail didn't want to wait. She pulled out her phone.

Gail: Hol, can I just come see you at your place when I get off shift.

Holly: Of course. Are you ok?

Gail: Tough day. Need to talk to you.

Holly: I'm here for you.

Gail: I know you are.

Gail: Thank you for that.

Gail waited anxiously for her shift to finish.

Gail was on her way up to her apartment, and Holly was concerned. Gail was usually so stoical about her work, so if Gail had admitted to having a bad day, it must have been a really tough one. Holly admitted to herself that she was also a little apprehensive about Gail's request to postpone their dinner so they could talk, and it made Holly feel selfish. She wanted to support Gail, and didn't feel like she should be worrying about her own neurosis right now.

Holly was flipping through a medical journal when Gail let herself in. She looked tired and nervous and oddly excited. Holly was really confused now.

Holly stood and walked straight over to Gail, pulling her into a hug. Gail hung on fiercely, burying her head in Holly's neck. She could feel Gail trembling slightly. Holly gently pulled Gail away from her so she could look into her eyes.

"Tell me what happened today?" Holly said, softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong," she said, quickly. "I mean, I had a tough day, but that's not what I want to talk to you about. I got a harsh reminder today…"

Holly took Gail's hand and waited for her to explain the emotions that flitted across her face.

Gail took a steadying breath. "I am so lucky to be with you, and I would have to be a complete fool to squander a single second of that. You scare me so much because I can't imagine losing you. And despite myself, I have fallen completely in love with you."

"You're in love with me?" Holly felt tears well in her eyes.

"I've been in love with you since you walked onto my crime scene. It just took me some time to figure it out. I'm so bad at this. And then when I figured it out, I was too afraid to tell you…"

"Me too." Holly's voice wavered with emotion, and Gail hadn't seemed to hear her, as she barreled on.

"I'm laying all my cards out here, and then you can decide if you want to be with me. I may be an emotional dimwit, but I know what I want with you. I want it all. Marriage. Babies. I can't change who I am, but all the bullshit that makes me put up defenses…I don't need that with you. I can prove to you that I deserve your love. So there it is. I love you, Holly."

Holly put her mouth over Gail's to slow her down and focus her.

"Did you hear me? I love you too, Gail."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. From the moment you called me 'lunchbox'. I was afraid because I want all of those things with you too. This is new territory for me too. It's a good thing one of us decided to be brave. And for the record, I've never wanted you to change."

"You love me?"

Holly laughed through the tears. "Yes, I love you! How many times do I have to say it?"

"Please keep saying it."

Holly wrapped her arms around Gail's waist. "I love you."

She kissed Gail deeply on the mouth. "I love you."

She took Gail by the hand and pulled her towards the bedroom. " I love you."

They pulled each other's clothes off and got into bed, mouths devouring each other. Holly was too overwhelmed to speak anymore.

Gail took a moment to really take Holly in, from the beautiful olive skin that Gail loved to run her hands over, to the dark eyes that had so disarmed her. Gail saw fire flash in those eyes now, and she reached her hand between Holly's legs. Holly gasped, pressing her open mouth onto Gail's.

Then Holly was inside of her too, and Gail's whole body ached with what Holly was doing to her. Gail wrapped her leg around Holly, drawing her in deeper, and tried to match her rhythm.

Holly tried to focus on the thrusting of Gail's hips and the moans that she emitted. She tried to ignore the agonizing pleasure cascading over her own body, biting down on her own moans. But watching Gail's arousal only fueled her own. She kissed Gail desperately. Holly willed herself to hold back, until she felt Gail orgasaming around her fingers, then she let herself release too.

Gail placed her forehead solidly on Holly's. "Holly," she sighed. She wanted to look at her face, but Holly had dipped her head down slightly. Gail nudged up with her own head, and saw that tears had welled in Holly's eyes. She placed gentle kisses along each of Holly's eyes, then on her forehead, cheeks, nose and chin. She ran her thumb along Holly's lips, and then kissed those too. This seemed to only make Holly's eyes shine brighter with emotion.

Gail smiled gently. "Well, at least I'm not the only one of us who has cried after sex now."

Holly laughed softly. "We make quite the pair."

Gail's head went to the well-known spot on Holly's shoulder, and she began to trace her fingers along Holly's hand. Gail hadn't imagined that Holly could make her body feel any better than she already had, but Gail was overwhelmed by what she had just felt. She had given her body over entirely to the woman she loved, and knew that Holly had done the same. It felt different, deeper somehow. Neither of them was holding anything back anymore, and Gail could feel the difference.

"Hey Gail, are you hungry?"

"I am starving."

"I know a place we can go get late night dim sum."

"How could I not love you?"

Holly and Gail had gotten dressed and strolled over to Chinatown. The dim sum restaurant was a tiny hole-in-the-wall sort of place, where little old ladies hand-made all of the food in an open kitchen. They had eaten in happy silence, gazing at each other, eyes gleaming with unspoken emotion. The difference now was that they knew what the other was feeling and the words didn't need to be spoken in that moment.

After dinner, they had walked around the night market, holding hands while they took in the bright neon lights and the sounds and smells of the street vendors' stalls and carts. Holly bought Gail a pork bun, which she ate happily as they walked back to Holly's place.

When they got back to her apartment, Holly wasn't quite sure what to do with herself. Every moment she had spent with Gail had been tinged by a slight feeling of desperation, like it could be the last opportunity she would have with her. That feeling was gone now. Gail wasn't going anywhere. She had time, and the possibilities were endless. Holly didn't know where to start.

Holly pulled her in for a hug, holding Gail warmly. Gail nuzzled into Holly's neck and wrapped her arms around Holly's waist. They stood like that for a long while, in the middle of Holly's dark living room, not moving.

Gail felt like a different person. She had been to hell and back and had somehow found salvation where she had least expected it. She had somehow stumbled into grace.

Right where she was in that moment.

"Holly, will you cut my hair?" Gail asked.

"You want me to cut your hair?" Holly echoed, skeptically. "I've only ever cut someone's hair once. I butchered my little brother's mushroom cut when we were kids and my mom almost cried. Are you sure you want me to do it?"

"I don't want to wait. I want to do it right now. I trust you."

Holly was a little incredulous at the idea of Gail trusting her to cut her hair when she had no experience, not to mention proper supplies, but she could tell that this was important to Gail from the look on her face. If Gail was looking for catharsis, and a spontaneous haircut would give that to her, then Holly would just have to do the best she could.

Gail went to sit in the bathroom, while Holly grabbed some kitchen scissors.

"What do you want me to do?" Holly asked.

"I want something different. Cut it short."

"You sure about this?" Holly asked, one last time.

"Never been more sure."

Holly gently ran her hands through Gail's long, blonde hair, making slow cuts with the scissors.

When Holly was finished, Gail didn't even bother to look in the mirror. As she stood, Holly put one hand softly on her cheek and wrapped the other around her back. Gail placed her hand on the side of Holly's head and drew her in for a kiss.

Gail felt reborn.