Ste jumps up from the bed frantically, makes a hasty attempt to cover himself with the sheet, but it's so thin that either he or Brendan are going to be exposed, and he fights between wanting to preserve his own modesty and not humiliate the man beside him. He tries to cover his lap, grabs his trousers and boxers that lie on the floor. He barely registers what's happening around him, feels like there's a rush of something in his ears, and it feels like it's his own blood, his adrenaline pumping inside of him. All he can concentrate on is getting dressed, of not standing in front of Walker naked and ashamed.
He vaguely registers Brendan putting on his jeans next to him, can hear the sound of a zip being done up. He wonders how Walker can be so quiet, how he's not hearing the sounds of bones breaking, of bodies hitting the wall, not seeing the sight of a deep red.
Ste knows he's flushed all over, humiliation making him redden. He wonders how long Walker was standing there, how they can't have heard the door being opened when the sound of it seemed like the loudest thing in the world when Ste first came here. He knows that when Brendan's around Ste barely notices anything else, and it's dangerous. Everything else risks becoming completely invisible.
He can't get over his intense feelings of embarrassment, how Walker's seen him touching himself, feels like he's just unintentionally given the man a taste of what he's been craving.
He's scared to look at him, risks it only when Brendan stands up in front of him, feels like a form of defense. Over the past few weeks Ste's grown more comfortable around Walker, has even been able to mock him without fearing for his own life, but he's aware that he can't deny the facts, the real reason that Walker's in here.
"What are you doing here?" It feels like an almost irrelevant question, so incredibly, stupidly unimportant under the circumstances, like asking someone why they've read your diary when it doesn't truly matter. The secrets are already out there.
"I just came round to apologise to Brendan about earlier," Walker says, staring at his nails like he's pondering whether to get a manicure.
"Earlier?" Ste asks, curious in spite of himself.
He sees Walker look at Brendan for a fleeting second, before staring down at his hand once more. "It's nothing for you to worry about. Looks like you had something far more...interesting going on here. I'm so sorry to interrupt Brendan fingering you."
Brendan all but hisses beside him while Ste looks down at the floor, wishes that this was the Shawshank Redemption and he could dig himself out of the place right this second.
"It really was inconsiderate of me. I would say that I should have knocked, but I did. The amount of moaning that was going on in here. Honestly gentleman, you should really try and keep the noise down when you have visitors."
"We weren't expecting any visitors." Brendan speaks through gritted teeth, and Ste tenses, feels like Brendan's a second away from starting a fight.
Walker purses his lips, drops his hand and walks towards them instead. Even with his clothes on Ste still feels exposed, feels like when Walker looks at him now he sees everything, like the material of his trousers and t-shirt may as well not even exist.
"What was I interrupting, then?" Walker leans in close to Brendan, invading his personal space like Ste's only seen himself do to him before. "Were you going to fuck him?"
Ste half expects them to start arguing like neanderthals, for Brendan to retort "Yes", has the image of him puffing his chest out and marking his territory.
Instead Brendan's voice is as cold as ice, fists clenched when he replies. "Don't you ever ask me that again, or I'll kill you."
The thing that makes Ste afraid is that he doesn't doubt his words.
Walker smiles, grin of some kind of twisted satisfaction, begins to laugh loudly, and it rings around the room.
"Get a sense of humour won't you, Brendan? This is definitely a story to tell the grandkids. I can picture it now - you sitting round the sofa with them when you're released at ninety, telling them about the time when their uncle Simon caught you about to stick your dick in young Ste here."
Brendan advances towards him, and Ste puts a restraining hand on his chest. He knows it's mainly for show, mainly because he has to do something to try to stop Brendan from killing someone, that if Brendan wanted he could easily shake himself out of Ste's hold. He's surprised when he doesn't though, when he stays rooted to the spot, looks pissed off as hell, but he hasn't hurt anyone, not yet.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Walker says, smacks his hand to his head like he's scolding himself. "I forgot you call him - what is it? - ah yes. Steven. That I caught you about to stick your dick in young Steven here."
"Never call him that. Only I call him that," Brendan says firmly, moves to cover Ste's body further from Walker's view.
Walker puts his hand around his mouth, gestures like he's whispering to Ste only. "I think he's a bit possessive, sweetheart."
The sound that comes from Brendan's mouth isn't dissimilar to a growl.
"You need to get out of here. Now."
"Oh come on Brady, we're just getting started! Why spoil the fun? And we're all friends here, aren't we? Well, we're friends. I was hoping Ste and I would be something a bit more than that, but you don't like to share your toys, do you?"
Ste tries to move out from behind Brendan, doesn't know what he has planned, but being called a toy isn't something he's standing for.
Brendan blocks him though, the persistent bastard, barely even looks over his shoulder to map Ste's movements, just moves his feet to the right side first, then the left when Ste tries to get past.
Walker brushes the hair out of his eyes, continues to smile like he's finding the whole thing hilarious, and Ste can't understand. It's not the reaction he was expecting.
"Looks like you've got a feisty one there. Lucky you. I've got to say, I'm a little surprised. I mean Vinnie was so...boring. Cute, hot little arse, but essentially all blonde hair and very little conversation."
Walker's trapped against the wall within an instant, Brendan's hands around his neck, closed around it enough to get Walker struggling for breath. Even now it still looks as though he's laughing.
Ste can hear Brendan say "Shut up, shut up" over and over, sounds distant and far away, isn't even shouting it like he was with Cheryl.
"Brendan, get off him." Ste tries to encourage him to release his hands. He's not adverse to watching Walker suffering like this, feels that he deserves it for being such a cocky, smug idiot, but if they keep this up the officers are going to notice and come inside, and he doesn't want Brendan marched down to Tony's office. Ste's scared of the questions they may ask him, knows that he must still be under suspicion of beating Warren up, even if the CCTV footage has been destroyed.
He also can't help his own curiosity, wants to know what's Walker's game here, doesn't trust this cool, calm and collected demeanor, unnerves him more than if he was swearing and screaming at them.
Brendan flinches when Ste touches him, and Ste recoils, thinks he's about to be hit. Brendan stares into his eyes, looks livid, like he's dying for the release that hurting Walker can bring him, and Ste catches a glimpse of the kind of darkness that must have been inside him when he killed Seamus.
He wonders if Vincent meant that much to him, the way he'd barely given Walker time to finish his sentence before he'd lunged for his throat, pushed him so roughly that bruises must be developing on his back. Ste feels full of ugly, twisted thoughts, thinks he must be sick for feeling jealousy at the pit of his stomach for this boy that he's never met, who's dead. It hurts, Brendan having a past which doesn't include him, and he's wondering if there's others out there, people who he's lost, who he wishes he hadn't.
He hadn't imagined being Brendan's sloppy seconds, but now he's wondering if he's even that, if he's actually the last on a long list.
"You should be careful with him Ste, he's got quite a temper," Walker says, can finally speak more clearly now that Brendan's grip has loosened around him.
"You're a fucking murderer, you bastard," Brendan spits, and Ste can't blame him for drawing attention to the irony of Walker's sentence.
Walker's face goes rigid, looks like you could cut yourself on his cheekbones. "You're playing dirty now, are you? Don't make me remind you why you're in here."
"I would never hurt a woman," Brendan says emphatically, and Ste believes him, believes that however screwed up Brendan may be, he's got his own moral code that he lives by.
"No, you'd just kill your own father. That's far better."
Ste wants to say it then, knows he has no right, but it's fucking tempting, can't stand that everyone thinks that Brendan's some kind of sick murderer, that it was all premeditated, that he's damaged enough to have killed his father for no reason.
He doesn't think Walker's too far gone to not feel some sympathy, if only a shred. Ste remembers his reaction to him bringing up rape, remembers how Walker had seemed resolute when he'd appeared disgusted by it, wanted no part in that way of thinking.
He looks at Brendan and knows, knows, he's thinking the same thing, that he's looking at Ste, eyes silently pleading with him to not say a single word.
"There's a perfectly easy way for us to sort this out," Walker says, the venom having left his voice.
"No," Brendan says immediately, sharply.
Ste looks between the two of them, tries to figure out what the fuck's going on, seems like they're having a conversation with each other in their heads, one that Ste's been excluded from.
"What? What is it?" He demands, couldn't bear it if Brendan kept him in the dark under some false hope of protecting him. He's not some fragile little creature, and he needs Brendan to know that.
"Do you want to tell him, or shall I?" Walker challenges.
"There's nothing to tell," Brendan warns, doesn't take his eyes off Walker, looks like he's trying to control his mind into not revealing anything.
Walker faces Ste, looks like he's reveling in every second of this. "There could be a new contract."
Ste's sick to death of it, never wants to hear the word contract again.
"You, me...Brendan."
Ste's got to hand it to Walker, he manages to make a threesome sound like something more exotic than sordid. There must be some kind of talent in that.
"Tick tock, tick tock," Brendan says suddenly, and Ste wonders if he's gone insane.
"Counting down to your release, Brendan? It may take a while," Walker replies, bares his pointed teeth in a smirk.
"Tick tock, tick tock," Brendan continues, sounds like he's possessed. "So close to your death now, Simon."
Walker rolls his eyes, tuts loudly. "Honestly, all this talk of death is getting rather tedious. Death doesn't scare me, hasn't seen Cam died. You know this - or is Ste's sweet arse affecting your brain cells?"
"You'll be begging for it soon."
"Begging's not really my style. You can put that in the contract though, if you want."
"Simon I told you, I'm not signing a contract," Ste interjects, had convinced himself that it was over when he'd talked to him alone.
"Why, because Brady said so? Has he instructed you not to?"
"No. I can think for myself," he says sternly, hates the suggestion that he's following Brendan's orders, even if since he's been in here he feels like he doesn't know his own mind anymore. The man he was before wasn't gay, didn't hook up with someone for more than one night, least of all someone dangerous like Brendan.
Walker looks like he sees straight through him, notices the doubt behind Ste's words.
"I'm guessing that pretty little ex girlfriend of yours doesn't know about this, does she?"
Ste feels his heart lurch at the suggestion, knows that he's only just beginning to win Amy round again, and there's a threat in Walker's tone that's unmistakable.
"Yeah...she knows everything..." He wants to sound convincing, desperately wants it, but the room's quiet, and he can see that Brendan is avoiding his gaze, can't back up his lies.
"From what I've heard you've never mentioned Brendan to her."
Ste squares his eyes at him. "How do you know? You don't sit near me at visiting hours."
Walker tends to sit near the far corner, is usually visited by an array of women, a different one each week it seems, and he seems to set a challenge for himself over how long he can kiss them before they're split apart by the officers, wary of the women passing drugs to him through mouth to mouth contact.
"He has his fucking sources, doesn't he?" Brendan mutters, swears under his breath. "People who work for him in this place."
It's too much for Ste, too fucked up. He expected prison to be something like this, had watched enough films to know that there would be gangs, an elite, but the reality still feels overwhelming, and the idea that people have been listening in to his private conversations about Leah and Lucas makes him feel sick.
"No, that's...you can't do that, Simon, right? If you care about me at all..." He feels stupid for putting it in those terms, knows that this isn't about how much he cares for him. He knows the only way to make Walker stop this would be to sleep with him, and he's more determined than ever not to give away his dignity like that.
"It's okay, Steven. He's not going to be. I'll make sure of it," Brendan says, and Ste believes him unequivocally, believes that Brendan will put a stop to it, is starting to believe that he'd do anything for him, but at what cost? He's not going to let Walker end up in the hospital along with Warren. It's becoming too risky, and he can't depend on Brendan bribing every officer. One day these threats aren't going to work, and he won't see Brendan get in trouble for it. He can't.
"It's a legitimate question, Brendan. I don't think the lovely Amy's going to be too pleased knowing that a) Ste likes cock and b) He likes a murderer's cock."
"Because she'd just love knowing he was with you, wouldn't she?" But Brendan's voice wavers, and he stares at Ste, as if looking for back up here, back up that Ste's not sure he can give. He can't say with any certainty that Amy would support him in this. She's the person he's most nervous about telling all this too, knows that he can't go on existing like this forever, not when she was already beginning to suggest that he started dating again before he got arrested.
She'd even set him up with a friend, and when he met her for their date she'd taken one look at him, said "You're gay, aren't you?", and then proceeded to sit stiffly on her chair for the rest of the night, listening to his protests that he most definitely wasn't gay. He was a dad, so he couldn't be, could he?
He can hear Amy's voice in his head, hear the criticism which will be so much worse than Doug's, because she's his best friend, has been there through everything, has the power to take away his kids from him, and right now they're one of his reasons for existing.
"Oh Brendan, the boy doesn't look too sure right now..." Walker trails off.
"Shut up!" Ste snaps, can usually find some amusement in Walker's smugness, but today his patience is wearing thin. He felt less exposed when he was lying naked on his bed and stroking his cock in front of Brendan, watching the way the man loved it, every part of his body giving him away, getting off on Ste's own arousal. There was a strange kind of safety in it that he doesn't feel now that he's dressed, now that Walker seems to hold all the power here.
"Just get out, Simon," Ste continues quietly, hopes he has at least a shred of respect for him remaining that'll make him do this one thing.
Walker looks between them, eyes trailing over Ste's entire body like he's remembering every curve, every line of what he saw. Ste barely moves, doesn't even relax when he sees Walker gracefully move towards the door, opens it like it doesn't weigh a ton, doesn't give them a backwards glance when he closes it behind him.
The room's quiet for a moment as Ste waits to see who's going to start talking first. He doesn't feel like he has the words, can hardly just suggest they continue where they left off, would be too fucked up, too much has happened since Walker caught them. Amy's weighing on his mind now, and the idea of what Walker could do next, because he knows it must be something. He just hasn't completely gauged how screwed up Walker really is yet, what exact lengths he'll go to.
"Well that was..." He says when he can't take it anymore. "Embarrassing."
Brendan straightens out his shirt, the one that Ste manages to get crumpled every time he throws it down in the corner of the floor. He looks at his crotch, wonders when Brendan's erection died down, knows that his pretty much went away the second he saw Walker in the room. There's the snappy retort that he wishes he'd said earlier. "Nothing like you to kill my boner, Simon." He wishes he'd had the guts.
"Promise me that you won't speak to him again, Steven."
Ste blinks, wasn't expecting that of all things. "Simon?"
"No, the easter bunny. Yes, Simon."
"Alright, you don't need to get all snappy with me!"
Brendan stares at him expectantly, looks like he's putting everything on this answer, and Ste feels that whatever he says it won't be enough.
"It's not like I can avoid him in here." It's not that he wants to see Walker, but he's looking at the reality of the situation, knows that even with the number of men in here he doesn't have much of a chance of keeping out of Walker's way, not when he's made it his mission to seek Ste out time and time again.
It's not what Brendan was waiting to hear, and he's got that far away, distant look that Ste hates, hates because it means he's pushing him away. For a man who seems so in control of things, who single-handedly seems to run this prison, Ste's never seen someone more alone.
He used to watch Pauline and Terry, used to see how he slowly dominated her whole life, would stop her from seeing the few friends she had, until everything became about the booze and him, and there was no space for anything good. Ste doesn't want to become that, doesn't want anyone to dictate to him who he can and can't see, but then why does he feel so protected with Brendan, can't help but feel that he's doing this to keep him safe. He never thought possessiveness could feel this secure.
It's why he pulls Brendan towards him by the hand, why he gives him a soft kiss, is scared of deepening it in case Walker returns, but has to do something, can't stand them being distant. Brendan leans his forehead against his, and it feels like one of the most intimate things they've ever done. Ste doesn't move an inch, just keeps his eyes on Brendan's lips, wants them to just stay like this for a while.
"I promise."
He feels Brendan relax, and the mask slips. Just like that he's there in the room with Ste, all his again.
He breaks his promise.
The next day he sees Walker in the dining room, thinks he looks far too happy for a man whose plan has failed, doesn't trust it one bit. Ste's sitting with Doug and Ethan, feels distant and separate from them, can't share Ethan's happiness about Warren, not when he's constantly fearful of the repercussions when Warren wakes up. Brendan telling him that Warren didn't see anything's not enough. Ste won't know whether he can breathe easily again untill he comes out of the hospital.
Ste thinks it'll be impossible to get past Brendan, but he sees an opportunity presented to him when he sees him talking to Lynsey, and leaps at the distraction. He follows Walker out of the dining room, watches as he makes his way over to the gym. The process of digestion seems to be lost on Walker, but Ste knows that Brendan's not likely to come here this soon, not after one of his mammoth breakfasts.
The room's only occupied by one other prisoner, and Ste slips in beside Walker.
"I was wondering when you were going to make your presence known."
Ste stares at him, confused.
"I saw you following me," Walker explains, and Ste curses himself, thinks that with his slip of a body he should at least be able to disappear into the background successfully.
"Why didn't you say something then?"
"I thought I'd humour you."
Ste crosses his arms, slouches against the treadmill machine that Walker begins to run on.
"Does your boyfriend know you're here?"
"He's not my boyfriend." Ste doesn't say it with as much conviction as he'd like.
"No, he isn't," Walker says seriously now, and Ste can't keep up, feels like it's only ever riddles and innuendos with this man. "I hope you realise that. Brendan will never have a boyfriend."
Ste keeps his head held high, tries to look for all the world like this doesn't faze him. He didn't come to prison looking for anything serious, didn't come in here for anything at all except to serve his sentence and get the hell out, hopefully wrapping this entire experience into a neat box which he could never look at again.
"Fine by me," he says, avoids Walker's gaze in case he's laughed at. He doesn't want to be known as Brendan Brady's pet, as one of his boys who's going to be replaced by someone smarter, better looking, more interesting.
"I hope you don't mind me doing this," Walker says, gestures to his body, his chest heaving up and down on the treadmill, sweat already gathering on his exposed chest, a thin vest covering his upper half.
Ste can just imagine the pleasure Walker's getting from knowing that he's watching his every move. Even the pants he's making sound exaggerated, louder.
"Not at all," he says firmly, is pleased by how bored and unaffected he sounds.
"Good. So, what have I done to deserve this honour of your visit, baby?"
Ste decides that he's played games for long enough. He never should have hid the truth, and he plans to put a stop to it now.
"I want to know that you're going to leave us alone. Me and Brendan."
Walker's silent for a moment, and there's only the sound of his feet pounding against the surface of the machine.
"You mean never speak to you again? I'm afraid that's impossible. Brendan and I have been friends for years."
Ste resists the urge to point out that that friendship clearly doesn't have the same significance to Brendan.
"I mean that you won't try anything. Won't hurt him in any way. Won't try and get...revenge."
He feels faintly ridiculous for saying it, isn't the first time that he's felt like he's taking part in a mafia movie in here, but Walker seems to think there's nothing unusual about it.
"You have a high opinion of yourself, don't you?"
Ste blinks, is caught off guard by the bluntness of the question.
"Thinking that I'd hurt Brendan just because he's stolen you from me."
"He didn't steal me - I wasn't ever yours." Ste's increasingly beginning to feel like a possession here, like he's some kind of used car that's being exchanged between Brendan and Walker and back again.
Walker chuckles darkly, increases the speed on the machine until it looks like no one could possibly run that fast, and Ste feels dizzy just looking at him.
"Brady knew that I wanted you."
"This is what I'm talking about - all this madness." He doesn't have a better way to describe it, wonders how this is possibly about him at all, thinks that it must be more to do with Brendan and Walker, because no one could want him this much. "I need to know that you're not going to do anything stupid."
"Please sweetheart, have a bit more faith in me. I'm not going to do what Brendan did to Warren, if that's what you're worried about."
Ste's mouth feels dry, his breath catching in his throat. "That wasn't...Brendan didn't."
"Brendan didn't attack Fox. No, of course he didn't. Ste, it's become the worst kept secret in this place, worse than the fact that your friend the drug dealer's fucking his English teacher. You're forgetting that I've been alive a lot longer than you."
"Fucking hell, what is it with this age thing?" Ste shouts, is sick to death of the way that everyone seems to regard him as inferior because he's one of the youngest here.
"Don't see it as a bad thing. It makes you ripe." Walker looks him over, not slowing down his movements. "Constantly up for it."
Ste's about to argue back but finds himself unable to disagree with the bastard. He remembers waking Brendan up in the middle of the night, had tried to hold off till morning but he hadn't been able to, his cock growing harder against his stomach as he imagined all the things he wanted to do to him.
Brendan had been dazed with sleep, had started mumbling. "What is it, what's wrong?" Ste had felt ashamed, had disturbed him and worried him when what was really wrong was that he wanted to be fucked.
Brendan had smiled when Ste had guided his hand to his cock, had looked at him knowingly.
"You horny..."
Ste had cut off his words with a kiss, had let himself be rolled over onto his stomach by Brendan, pulled up onto his knees, had barely been prepared by Brendan's fingers and tongue before he'd felt the head of Brendan's dick entering him, the sensation intense enough for Ste to let out a long breath that he hadn't even known he'd been holding.
"Please, promise me that you won't do anything," Ste demands, and the sound of Walker running threatens to drown out his words, but he senses that the man can still hear him, doesn't repeat it, allows it time to sink in. He's not looking for a half hearted promise of something that Walker can't keep.
He's beginning to wonder if promises even truly mean anything. He had meant it when he'd told Brendan that he'd stay away, but he's broken it now, couldn't even wait twenty four hours before he followed Walker in here. Ste prays that Lynsey's still occupying him in the dining room, imagines Brendan approaching Doug and Ethan, wonders if his friends had seen him on Walker's trail.
He has to be quick about this.
"Please," he says again, hates begging this man but he'll do anything in order to survive, and that's what this feels like. Survival. He wouldn't know what to do if something happened to Brendan.
"I'm not going to attack Brendan," Walker says quietly. "Or you." It's an unnecessary addition, because Ste didn't fear for himself, was only scared about the two of them, this war they seem to be having with each other. "You have my word."
Ste doesn't know how much Walker's word is worth, but it's enough for him to hold onto, something concrete, and relief floods through him. The image of Brendan's red and bruised hand is still with him, and every day that it heals that tiny bit more Ste feels happier, lighter. That had been self inflicted, had been something that he'd recover from. Ste can't stand to think about what would happen if someone else hurt Brendan, if it was something that he couldn't come back from.
Ste stares at Walker with something like gratitude, tries to end the conversation, because there's nothing else here for him now.
He hears the low hum of the machines behind him as he walks towards the door, plans to find Brendan as soon as possible before he can notice his absence.
"Ste?"
Walker comes off the machine, covers himself with his towel and wipes away the sweat that's gathered on his body.
"He's good, isn't he?"
Ste wishes that Walker hadn't switched the treadmill off. It's suddenly too quiet, and he realises that the other man's gone, that there's only the two of them in the room now.
"Who?" He doesn't want to ask.
"Brendan. He's good in bed, isn't he?"
Ste lets out a nervous laugh, fidgets from foot to foot like he always does, an infuriating trait that's present every time he's uncertain or anxious. He doesn't know why he's nervous. Walker's doing one of his practical jokes on him, annoying but more or less harmless.
"Maybe you should keep dreaming about it, yeah?" But even the thought of Walker thinking it makes Ste uncomfortable, wishes he could reach into Walker's brain and discard the images into somewhere else.
"Oh, did he not..." Walker looks scandalised, gasps and puts a hand over his mouth. "Oh darling, I'm sorry. I thought Brendan had explained about our past."
I'm not going to fall for this. I'm not.
"Your past?"
He hates the way Walker's looking at him now, like he's just stepped on a fragile, broken winged bird.
"I really shouldn't of said anything. Forget about it, please. I don't want to cause trouble."
Like hell you don't. He could laugh at the suggestion that Simon's the innocent little victim in all this.
"No, go on. Tell me," he demands, because if Walker wants to tell him a joke then Ste's damn well going to get a good laugh.
Walker's hand is still on his mouth, and he gradually removes it. Ste wonders how he manages to keep the smug smile from his lips, knows that it's lurking somewhere inside.
"Brendan and I slept together."
Ste shakes his head immediately, a strong denial.
"No, he told me you two had never..." And Brendan wouldn't lie to him.
"Oh, sweetheart," Walker says, and Ste sees that he's perfected his apologetic expression, must have practiced in the mirror for hours. "Brendan's not being honest with you."
"No, he...he wouldn't do that to me." Ste struggles to make the words true. He's torn between wanting to run from the room right now, and his desire to hear everything, even if it's just Walker's crafted fabrication. "I suppose you two were in love as well?" He goads, wonders when Walker's going to tell him that they were engaged and planning to adopt too, make the story even more of a punch in the stomach.
"Hardly," Waller says, surprising Ste. "Brendan doesn't fall in love with anyone, and do you think I'd fall for that? He's as bad as Doug is. Worse."
"Then why do you speak to him?" Ste can't understand, doesn't get why Walker is willing to associate with Brendan when he can't even look at Doug.
"We...understand each other."
Ste wonders if that's another way of saying "we fuck each other."
"How many times?" He feels like a jilted, betrayed wife, but he has to know.
Walker understands his meaning immediately. "I've lost count."
Ste sucks in a breath, doesn't know whether he wants to laugh or grab one of the weights and smash it against the wall.
"Were you together when I came in?"
"Yes. We'd slept together a few days before."
Ste can't believe this. "But Vincent -"
"It stopped when Brendan met him, when he began to have a...fondness for the boy. But when he died it began again."
"How romantic," Ste spits, wants this to be a lie so desperately that it aches, but it makes sense to him now, the way that the men act around each other, like there's a whole history there that Ste hasn't even begun to understand.
A terrible thought forms in his brain, too strong for him to ignore. "Have you...since I came here?"
"No."
Ste gathers some relief from that, however small. It still feels weak against Brendan's lies.
"Why would he tell me that you hadn't?" He says it more to himself than to Walker, needs to understand why Brendan could trust him with his father's abuse, but not this.
"How do you think I feel, darling? Knowing Brendan's ashamed of me."
"Oh, you think you're so much better, do you?" He still feels the same undeniable need to defend Brendan, and he has no idea if they'll ever be a day when he won't.
"Yes," Walker says simply, says it as if it's obvious, and to every person in this place he thinks it probably is, thinks that they're superior to Brendan because as horrific as their crimes are, he killed his father, and that makes him damned.
"Maybe he had reasons. For doing what he did."
Walker cocks his head to the side, eyes wide, drinking Ste in.
"Why don't you tell me all about it?"
Brendan's finished The Great Gatsby. It had laid in the corner of his unoccupied bed, left unread because Steven had been infinitely more desirable. He senses that he's not going to get much reading done for the next few months, not with the boy taking up so much of his life. During the time it took to reach the last few pages, Brendan was wishing that Steven was in the cell with him, that at the very least the boy had been stretched beside him while he'd read.
He knows it would have been hopeless though, that with Steven here he wouldn't have been able to concentrate on a single thing, not when there was so much more to enjoy, not when he could be exploring the boy's body, would never tire of fucking him, rocking back and forth, lit up from the inside.
Brendan had wanted to sit with him at breakfast, but he doesn't know how to take that step. He feels ridiculous, he sleeps with Steven every night for Christ's sake, but sitting opposite him like they're a couple feels too exposing. He tells himself tomorrow, knows that tomorrow will extend into the next day, imagines that Steven will have left at the end of his sentence and they'll still never have eaten together. But he doesn't like thinking about his release date, struggles to put it out of his mind, swears at the way that Gatsby and Daisy and Tom all turn into Steven, Steven, Steven.
When the door opens he sits up from the bed, smiling in anticipation. He envisages Steven's eyes, sees the boy's rumpled hair, the open grin that he gives so easily, that seems completely natural to him, like the world hasn't yet given him reason to lose hope.
Brendan's smile fades when he sees Walker instead, and he lets out a groan. That's two unwanted visits in a day.
"Nice to see you too," Walker says, closing the door behind him. Brendan groans louder, sensing that this won't be a quick call.
"What do you want?" He's getting more and more nervous by these meetings, worries that Steven will start thinking that there's something going on if he walks in on them again.
Walker's expression is sombre, and Brendan wonders what the hell has happened, half expects to hear that someone's died.
"Brendan...I don't know how to say this."
Brendan's panic rises. Walker has never not known how to say anything.
"I heard...about your dad. About what he did to you. I'm so sorry. Ste told me everything."