Chapter 44 - Something Borrowed, Something Blue
The second they stepped out of the relative privacy of her bedchamber Nate's characteristic mask of detachment slipped back into place upon his face. Alyx felt his withdrawal even before she saw it and inwardly sighed in mild frustration. She would definitely have to break him of the habit one of these days. In the meantime, she would just have to be content with his continuing presence at her side…and perhaps a stolen kiss or two when nobody was looking. The thought had her stifling a giggle as a sort of unbidden, giddy joy bubbled up from her chest, threatening to spill past her lips. She coughed to cover her spontaneous mirth but Nate wasn't fooled by her deception for a moment. When he arched an eyebrow at her in question she smiled up at him sweetly and squeezed his arm in reassurance. Nate could only shake his head in befuddled amusement as they entered the main part of the keep.
Just as predicted, their friends and fellow Wardens were gathered and waiting for them in the great hall…all save for Morrigan and Velanna. Both had claimed to have little interest in such "garish displays of meaningless human traditions," as Velanna had put it (which was only marginally better than Morrigan's insistence that it was "just another inane ritual invented by the chantry to more effectively control their pathetic, fanatical sheep"). Alyx knew better than to try to force the issue with either woman and had, in fact, breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing their rather vehement refusals to attend the ceremony or the feast thereafter. She would have her hands full as it was keeping her other no-less colorful companions reined in let alone a pair of ill-tempered, magically-inclined bigots. Just thinking about it made her want to groan out loud. Maker knew she loved her friends but sometimes she thought it would be easier if they were, say, sheepherders instead of the bunch of outlandish, homicidal maniacs that they were.
"Ah! There you are!" Zevran called as she and Nate slowly descended the stairs, prompting every eye in the room to turn in their direction." Tsk, tsk, tsk, my dear! Did no one ever tell you it is in poor form to out-stage the bride? No one will be looking at the poor girl when there's such loveliness to behold. I am only surprised that our friend here is not upstairs ravishing you as we speak…and who could blame if he did," he continued as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively and brushed a lingering kiss across her knuckles.
Alyx blushed to the roots of her hair at Zevran's well-placed quip. Oh, If only you knew my friend, she mused as she endeavored to regain her composure. Despite his teasing Alyx doubted the former-assassin had any idea just how close to the truth he came. After all, had Oghren not interrupted when he did…she suddenly found herself with an unreasonable amount of anger for her old friend for his lousy timing.
Nate laughed at her expression then winced when she elbowed him in the ribs. He immediately sobered but his eyes continued to dance with silent mirth as well as something deeper and far more visceral. The sight of it set her heart to racing. Had he been just as disappointed as she at their interruption? Zevran's sudden bark of laughter startled her back to the present and once again she found herself blushing. Apparently she hadn't been the only one to notice the heat of his gaze.
"Should you need help slipping away later I would be more than happy to offer you my considerable services," he added with a conspiratorial wink.
"I might just take you up on that," Nate replied as he slapped Zevran on the back good-naturedly.
"Let's just get this over with, shall we?" Anders interjected, his arms crossed tightly in front of his chest as he scowled at them moodily.
"No one is forcing you to be here mage," Nate growled as he took an intimidating step closer. To Anders credit he neither moved nor flinched away from him. In fact he practically bristled in indignation, very much like Ser Pounce-a-Lot did when his mid-day nap was interrupted. Alyx immediately saw the danger and stepped in between the two men.
"Enough!" she commanded, shooting first Anders and then Nate a scathing look. "Today is supposed to be a day of celebration. I will not have you two making a scene!"
Alyx held her breath as Nate and Anders glared at each other, neither man looking as if they were willing to back down. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they mumbled their apologies and stepped away from each other. Alyx rolled her eyes and reminded herself to have a little patience (though it was admittedly difficult when they acted more like little boys than grown men). She only hoped that once they were back in the field Anders and Nate would be able to set aside their differences and work as a team; as the blood brothers they once claimed to be. Perhaps I should talk to them, she thought, but dismissed it for the time-being. Now was not the time.
They all looked up as the chantry bells began to chime in cheerful warning to anyone that had yet to make it outside. Alyx took a quick survey of her companions and nodded once in approval. Apparently Nate had not been the only to one to invest in a new set of clothing for the occasion, and even Oghren appeared to be freshly groomed (which was one argument she wished to never repeat unless her life depended on it). Secretly she had hoped that the matching armor she'd commissioned for each member of the Order would be done in time for them to wear to the wedding, but Wade had scrapped his work in a fit of temper and started from scratch just days in advanced. Still, she had to admit that it was nice to see her men in something rather than armor…well, all of them save for Justice, who wore a full set of plate, helm and all.
Alyx smiled fondly at the spirit, who stood stiffly to one side and at a slight distance from the rest of them. The poor man looked incredibly uncomfortable and yet she could see the shimmer of excitement in his eyes. Over the course of the last few weeks she'd learned that Justice had an insatiable curiosity of the world beyond the veil, but most especially for anything regarding mortal relationships. Kristoff's memories of his wife had both confused and intrigued him, and when he'd heard about the wedding he'd all but begged to be invited. Alyx had agreed so long as he kept his helm on, and Justice had readily agreed to her terms.
"Right," she muttered to herself as she took a deep breath and turned to face the rest of the group. "Before we go I just wanted to remind you that although we may not be on duty but you are all still grey wardens and expected to act as such. Anything you do or say will reflect back on the order, so be on your upmost behavior…and yes Zev, I do realize you are not technically a warden but that includes you, too."
"Mi Amor! You wound me by insinuating that I would be anything less than discreet!" Zevran cried, making Alyx roll her eyes and Sigrun giggle.
"Just try to keep it that way, Zev," Alyx said as she tried to contain her laughter.
"Sodding rules…and here I thought we were going to a party," Oghren muttered under his breath to no one in particular.
"Can we please just get on with it?" Anders groaned in exasperation.
Alyx sighed but refused to feed in to the mage's surly mood. Again she told herself to be patient, but Anders wasn't making it easy on her. Please let us get through this day without incident, she silently prayed.
"Are you ready?" Nate murmured in her ear, bringing her back down to earth. Alyx took a deep breath and accepted his proffered arm with a nod and a wobbly smile.
"As ready as I'll ever be," she replied, hoping that she looked a little more together than she currently felt.
When they stepped outside the sun temporarily blinded her, but once she regained her vision Alyx could see that a last few stragglers were still making their way to the chantry at the far end of the compound. At least we're not the last to arrive, she thought with relief as she and Nate led the others across the courtyard where the rest of the wedding guests were congregated. Her spirits were buoyed by the splendor of the crystal clear sky, interrupted only by the occasional fluffy white cloud scuttling by. The weather had finally cooled to a reasonable temperature, reminding her that the harvest season was right around the corner and soon the leaves would be changing. In short, they couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day.
The Vigil's chantry was little more than a small chapel, but as it was rarely used by more than a fraction of the keep's residents at any given time it was generally large enough to suit their needs. Alyx knew that it would not become a problem until afterwards when everyone would try to squeeze into the tiny space for the traditional chant, as the ceremony itself would take place on the steps just outside. Given the size of the crowd it was unlikely everyone would be able to fit…though she seriously doubted half of them cared one way or the other so long as the wine flowed and the food was plentiful at the feast afterwards.
The crowd parted as they approached, murmuring excitedly as they took position in the place of honor, adjacent from the bride and groom's family. Alyx tried to remain nonchalant but it was impossible to ignore the speculation being bantered behind them or the open, curious stares as they passed. She had to stifle a wince when Nate suddenly stiffened beside her and she knew that he had noticed as well. When she glanced at him out of the corner her eye she could see that his jaw was set at a stubborn angle and his eyes were staring stubbornly forward.
This was exactly what she'd been afraid of. Despite his insistence that he didn't care what other people thought of him she knew Nate to be an intensely proud man. It hadn't been easy for him to be hated based solely on a name that, until recently, had been one of distinction. Given this and the trials he'd had to face since his return to Fereldan it would stand to reason that he would presume they believed the worst of him without giving him the benefit of a doubt. Perhaps even some of them did, but she wasn't about to let them dictate her relationship. She knew him for what he really was and loved him all the more for it. That was all that really mattered, wasn't it? Her thoughts returned to the argument they'd had before leaving her rooms and realized that though she'd been thinking it, she'd never actually told him as much. She promised herself that she would do so the very first chance she got.
The excitement behind them began anew as the Reverend Mother took her place just in front of the chantry doors, followed by a nervous-looking fellow she knew to be Thomas, the groom. He was tall and thin, with thick curly hair and kind brown eyes that somehow put her in mind of Hector. Elaina had introduced them a couple of weeks ago and Alyx had found him to be a steady, earnest sort with a quiet nature that balanced out his bride's vivacious personality quite nicely. Poor lad, she thought as she watched him shift his weight from foot to foot and anxiously fidget with his collar. Suddenly his expression changed to one of wonder and then a slow, exultant smile spread across his lips until she thought his face might split in two. She knew then that the bride must have finally arrived.
Alyx turned as appreciative murmurs and gasps went up at the sight of the Seneschal and his daughter as they passed through the crowd and up the chantry stairs. Elaina was the epitome of a blushing bride in a gown of the palest blue made of a fine, light material that seemed to float around her body as she walked. Small clutches of baby's breath had been lovingly tucked into her titian hair along with ribbons woven through the intricate braiding to match her dress and shoes to perfection. Her peaches and cream complexion had an effervescent glow to it and her eyes sparkled with utter joy as she smiled up at her groom with all the love that was in her heart. Varel, on the other hand, appeared to be just as staid and solemn as usual, though she had to admit the older man looked quite dapper in his midnight blue doublet.
When they reached their destination Varel placed Elaina's hand in Thomas's and gracefully stepped down to join his wife and other daughters at the foot of the stairs. Alyx flashed him a compassionate smile and he nodded at her in appreciation as the Reverend Mother raised her hands in a call for silence. Everyone hushed as their attention was drawn to Mother Rose-Mary, who was an affable young woman with unshakable faith and a sweet nature that often reminded Alyx of Leliana.
"Sons and daughters, I welcome you on this blessed day to witness the joining of this man and this woman in holy matrimony in the sight of the Maker and his bride, Andraste," she began in a warm, welcoming voice. "It is an honorable estate, ordained by the Maker, and thus shall not be torn asunder by any man; lest he have knowledge of some impediment, why these two souls may not be united as one under the eyes of the Maker, or the laws of the realm." Here she paused and then nodded in approval when no one spoke up and continued on with the ceremony.
As the Mother spoke the traditional words, Alyx was reminded of her own wedding and how very different it had been. Hers had been a short ceremony that had taken place in the middle of the night with no witnesses save for Mother Hannah, herself and Alistair (and apparently Zevran, though she hadn't known it at the time). Looking back she conceded that the decision to marry had been a hasty one, but she never regretted it, despite the outcome. She had loved Alistair with every fiber of her being and becoming his wife was one of the greatest joys of her life. Yet she could admit there were elements of a traditional wedding she eventually mourned the loss of, later when she was able to think straight again. For one, her mother had never had the chance to host the extravagant fete that she'd begun to plan when Alyx was just a little girl, and her father was never able to give her away as he'd once hoped to. The lack of his presence especially had been a difficult pill to swallow, and being reminded of it now still saddened her to think about. She would never get those moments back, and she hoped that Elaina realized how blessed she was to have her family surrounding her on such a special day.
Alyx studied the young couple as they exchanged their vows and suddenly felt very old, though she'd hardly been any older than them when she and Alistair married. Perhaps it had something to do with the difference in their situation. Elaina and Thomas were both young and fresh and unaffected by the darkness that had defined her life these past few years. With luck they would never have to know it. How wonderful it would be to just be beginning your life, Alyx thought with an inward sigh. A sudden surge of regret welled up inside of her as she realized that this moment in time very well could have reflected her own life had things been different, followed by guilt for thinking so selfishly. A voice in the back of her head whispered, it's not too late, and then another image filled her mind; one that made her pulse suddenly race.
It was astonishing how easily her subconscious proffered a reflection of herself and Nate in the young couple's place. Until then she hadn't really let herself think about their future together, but now…could she really see she and Nate marrying one day? The answer jumped to her almost before her mind had the chance to finish the thought. Yes. Yes she could.
Alyx chanced a glance up at him and froze as he caught her gaze and held it. A hundred thoughts raced through her head as she drowned in the two pools of liquid steel. How long has he been watching me? Does he know what I'm thinking? Does it show on my face? Is it too soon? She desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, but his expression was indecipherable. Then Nate took her hand and raised it to his lips to brush a light yet meaningful kiss across her knuckles, his eyes never leaving hers. Alyx blushed and wondered if he could hear her heartbeat hammering against her ribcage. It was practically all she could hear herself and yet it wasn't quite loud enough to drown out the interested murmuring of the crowd behind them. Doubtless anyone still questioning the nature of their relationship would no longer be after such a public display of affection. No matter how innocent the gesture, Nate had essentially marked her as his, and the look on his face told her he was well aware of the implications of his actions. The thought both thrilled and scared her. She suddenly wanted nothing more than for the wedding celebration to be over so that she could have him to herself again. They had much to talk about and tonight…well, tonight she would not be taking no for an answer.
For the first time in many years the Vigil was alight with the resounding hum of celebration. Every window was thrown open to let the light of thousands of candles and the sound of feasting and music spill out into the world beyond. Were one to peek into one of these windows they would see tables laden with the most tempting of foods from golden-roasted suckling pigs to rich stews, sweetmeats, exotic fruits and hot mead. The tantalizing scent of the bounty within mingled with the sweet scent of the flowers that decorated every available nook and cranny.
Nate leaned back against the wall, lazily swirling the remnants of his wine in his glass as he watched the festivities from across the room...or rather he watched Alyx from across the room. Maker but she's beautiful, he thought to himself. He hadn't been able to keep his eyes off of her all evening, especially now that the sun had set and the torchlight played delightfully across her russet hair.
He smiled in wry amusement as he watched the crowd around her steadily grow in proportion. No doubt each and every one of them had some desperate matter to bring to their Arlessa's attention, caring little that she was just as much a guest at this celebration as they. Nate knew most in her position would have long since tired of their endless appeals but not Alyx. She had the same steady patience and consideration for the common folk as she did with her vassals and the other nobility. It was one of the many things he admired about her. Once again he was struck by just how lucky he was. What had he ever done to deserve such a woman? He didn't.
Elaina approached Alyx and after the exchange of a few words the two women embraced like old friends. Nate knew they had become close over the past few weeks while Alyx planned the wedding festivities and he was glad for it. His Lexy needed more ties to normalcy, and the young woman was as grounded as they were ever going to find at the Vigil.
"Not joining in on the festivities?" a voice asked from beside him.
Nate glanced at Varel and shot him a wry smile.
"Oh, no doubt Lex will soon remember I'm here and force me to participate in one way or another," he replied, eliciting a chuckle from the older man. "And what of you? Shouldn't you be accepting congratulations or something?"
"Without a doubt, but even proud papas need to take a breather," Varel said before taking a long drought from his tankard.
"Even so, I'd like to congratulate you on the advent of your daughter's union, ser. May they be happy and prosperous in their new life together," Nate said as he held up his glass.
"My thanks," Varel replied, raising his own glass in toast. After they'd both drank from their cups Nate's gaze turned back to Alyx and Varel was free to eye the younger man in scrutiny. "Perhaps yours will be the next wedding I attend," he added carefully.
Nate's head whipped around at Varel's comment. The two men silently eyed each other and then the corner of Nate's mouth lifted in a half-smile that spoke volumes to the Seneschal.
"That obvious is it?" Nate asked.
Varel cocked his head to the side and smiled at the younger man knowingly.
"I've had an idea for some time about where things were going between the two of you, but then I've had the privilege of knowing you and Alyxandria on a more personal level. For the others it has come as quite a shock. It's all anyone can talk about since you arrived arm-in-arm at the ceremony."
"And what precisely are they saying?" Nate asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.
Varel blanched, but only for a second.
"Some like my daughters believe it to be terribly romantic, like some dramatic tale of star-crossed lovers, others still are angered by the very idea, but mostly they are confused," Varel replied, and then quickly continued before Nate could retort. "You must remember that these are simple people who judge only by what they've heard and base their conclusions against their own experiences. They look at the two of you and see the public figures you've become, not the people that lay beneath. To them she is larger than life, the quintessential hero and practically unreachable in every way; but when they look at you…all they can see is your father. He ruined more lives than just your own, Nathaniel. They cannot understand why after everything he has done a Cousland could ever possibly love a Howe. "
"That is not what we are."
"I know that, but they never will unless you prove otherwise," Varel continued as he placed a heavy hand on Nathaniel's shoulder. "You are a good man, Nathaniel Howe. Prove it to them and they'll come 'round, but if you insist on keeping to yourself they never will. Now go. Kiss your woman, toast to the bride's health and dance with the common folk as if you belong. Pretend like you're enjoying yourself. You might actually find that you are."
And with that Varel turned on his heel, leaving Nathaniel blinking in surprise. After mulling the Senechal's words over in his head for a time, Nate took one last gulp of his wine and put the glass aside before crossing the room to where Alyx was still standing with Elaina.
*Author's Note: So...it's been awhile...far longer than I ever anticipated, and I can only hope there are those of you who are still interested in this story. I'll spare you the excuses, I'll just boil it down to a mix of distraction, writer's block, and RL craziness. Anyway, I have another callout, this time to Dasque who has a trio of inter-related Cousland/Alistair stories that are definitely worth the read if you haven't done so already. "Here Without You" was the original and is completed, and two prequels still in progress, one being a play-through story (ironically) entitled "Shades of Grey" and a story about the events between the two entitled "Time After Time." I highly recommend them. Anyway, it shouldn't be nearly as long between this chapter and the next. I've already started working on it in fact, so hopefully it will be up within the next week or two. I know some of this stuff seems like filler, but I promise we're leading up to some Nate/Cousland lovin' and then on to the end of the Awakening plot. Thanks for reading and please review! It means a lot to me to hear your opinions. ~Prose
P.S. Some of you may have noticed this chapter has a title. Somewhere down the yellow brick road of writer's block I decided to go back and reread (a.k.a. edit the crap out of) the previous chapters and for some reason decided it would be fun to add titles to each chapter. So for now on each chapter will have one, for no other reason than giggles. Take care everyboday, and Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!