Author's Note: I have a longer "Author's Note" at the end as I didn't want to dump a lot on you at the beginning. TL,DR: the main point is thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. Enjoy the chapter. :-)
They finished Love, Actually and moved on to How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The movie, not the cartoon. Quinn had liked them both as a little girl, but neither as much as the book. It was one of the first books she'd ever learned to read. She'd always enjoyed reading, and still had a nice selection of Dr. Seuss in one of the many bookcases in her room. She hoped she could pass them on to her children one day, if she were ever lucky enough to have them.
After the Grinch, through which no one shed a single tear this year though there were a few laughs again about Cindy Lou Who, they went upstairs for lunch where Santana's mom had made tamales. This was mostly because they were Brittany's favorite and everyone in the Lopez clan had claimed her as family. Now that Brittany was dating Artie and spending much less time around Santana, they were even happier to see her when they could. Santana's mom seemed to know something was going on between Brittany and Santana or, more appropriately, not going on between them anymore. If she had her suspicions, though, she never said.
After lunch, Quinn followed Ms. Lopez back to the kitchen and offered to help with the dishes, but she was shooed away as always. It had become a routine for them that they both appreciated. Quinn always playing the good Fabray daughter and offering to help, Ms. Lopez always being the good host and refusing. Thanking her again for lunch, Quinn turned around only to find that Rachel had followed her.
"I just wanted to say thank you for lunch, Ms. Lopez," Rachel said, smiling her show smile again as she had downstairs for Brittany. In her own way, Rachel was lying, but at least she wasn't using that gray monotone voice. Quinn wasn't sure if she considered this improvement or not. "Everything was very delicious."
It's charming, if you've never spent much time around her, Quinn thought, looking at her fake smile and forced happiness. To Quinn, though, it just seemed sad.
"Thank you," Ms. Lopez said, cocking her head to the side. "I'm sorry, are you one of Santana's Cheerio friends, also? You look very familiar."
"No, ma'am," Rachel said. "I'm in Glee Club with her and Brittany and Quinn here."
"Oh," Ms. Lopez said, suddenly smiling. "That's where I know you from. You're the little girl with the big voice. You and the tall boy sang at Regionals last year. What was your name again? I'm afraid Santana doesn't talk about your Glee Club as much as she does the Cheerios."
"Rachel Berry," Rachel said, sticking out her hand for Ms. Lopez to shake. The smile dropped off of the older woman's face momentarily and a look passed her eyes, but she quickly fixed it and shook Rachel's hand.
"Yes," Ms. Lopez said, looking down at Rachel's wrist were the brace was. "I'm sorry to hear about your… accident. My husband works at the hospital."
"Oh," Rachel said, the fake show smile not even surviving as the color drained out of her face. "My… accident. Yes. It was rather… unfortunate." Before Santana's mom could respond, Rachel turned to Quinn, then back to Ms. Lopez. "If you'll excuse me, I really must be getting back downstairs to see how Santana and Brittany are doing. I'd hate to be a bad guest and all. It was lovely meeting you."
Ms. Lopez started to say "You too, dear," but Rachel was already out of the kitchen before she could even finish saying it.
"I'm so sorry," Quinn said, smiling apologetically. They both shared the same sad expression as they stared at the doorway Rachel had passed through. That was rather embarrassing, Rachel being so rude, though somewhat understandable. What do you say to well-wishers after a suicide attempt? "She's not usually like that. It's been a rough week."
"I understand," Ms. Lopez said, nodding. "My husband, you know, he's a doctor. He was there the night she came in, and words travel fast around the hospital. Too fast, sometimes. It is a difficult time for her. And now I fear I have said the wrong thing. It's a hard thing to know what to say. Ay, I suppose it would have been better to say nothing at all."
Quinn only shrugged, unsure what to say to her. Ms. Lopez just smiled sadly again, patted her on the shoulder, and went back over to the sink to start the dishes. Quinn knowing when she was dismissed, headed back towards the door to the basement. Heading downstairs, she found Rachel on the couch, laying down and clutching her pillow again while Brittany sat cross-legged on the coffee table flipping through a binder full of DVDs.
"We should make a list of all the Christmas stuff we have," Santana said from her chair. She was now sitting completely upside down in it, legs sprawled over the back of the chair and head hanging off the seat. Her hair was in a ponytail now, down from its bun, and she was lazily brushing the tip of her hair back and forth across the floor for her own personal amusement. Quinn felt sure it was something about this room. Out in the real world, she was big bad Santana Lopez, but here in this room where she spent so much time, first with her brother and sister, then with Quinn and Brittany, she was just a normal goofy teenager. "That way we'll know next year and won't have to search through everything." Pausing a moment, Santana seemed to consider the situation. "Berry, make a note of that. It's your job to organize our DVD collection for next year."
Quinn paused on her way back into the room, completely shocked and looking back and forth between the girls. Brittany was doing the same, looking from Santana to Rachel. It took a minute for the words to hit her, but Rachel finally moved her pillow so she could look over at Santana. "I-What?"
"You're the one that loves all that PowerPoint shit, right?" Santana asked, not bothering to even open her eyes as she continued moving her head side to side and brushing her ponytail across the floor. "So I figured you're probably the most organized one of us. I know the way we're doing it now, just looking through random cabinets and binders, is probably making you even crazier, right? So I'm putting you in charge of making a list for all of us to use next year. Use those anal retentive, O.C.D. superpowers for good." Silence hung in the air, and Santana finally opened her eyes, looking at the rest of them upside down. "What?"
"You want Rachel here next year?" Brittany asked. It was the question hanging on everyone's lips.
"God, no," Santana said, looking around the room. "But it doesn't matter what I want, does it?" When no one said anything, Santana barked out an incredulous laugh. "Come on, we all knew how this was going to play out today." She looked over to Rachel, and added, "Well, no, you probably didn't, Berry, but Britts did. And Q would have, too, if she were thinking straight."
Quinn's eyes flashed dangerously at Santana, the possible implication hanging in the air, but the upside down girl missed it as her gaze lay firmly on Brittany. "Tell me if I miss anything here, B. At some point today, you were going to ask something like, 'since Q's friends with the hobbit now, does that mean we can be, too?' because you've been wanting to be friends with her since, like, what? The first day of freshman year? And of course I would have said no while Q said yes. Then, later, you would have asked something like, 'does this mean she can be part of our group?' Again, I would have said no, while Quinn just stood there looking stupid. Then you would done that little quivery, pouty lip thing that I can't say no to and said 'please', and I would have killed pretty much anyone just to get you not to cry, so of course I would have finally said yes. That sound about right?"
"Yep," Brittany said, smiling brightly. "Your big brain is so sexy, San."
"Whatever," Santana said, though she smiled as she closed her eyes again and went back to sweeping her ponytail across the floor.
Quinn looked over at Rachel who looked dumbstruck, then back to Brittany. "You were really going to do all that, Britts?"
"Oh, totally," she said, starting again to flip through the binder of DVDs. "It's like San's psychic Mexican third eye totally told her everything I was going to do." Brittany suddenly stopped what she was doing and looked over at Santana. "Oh! Can it guess what number I'm thinking of, too?"
"Thirty-seven," Santana said, not missing a beat.
"In a row?" Brittany asked, and they both laughed.
"It's not psychic if you keep picking the same number, B," Santana said, smiling at the girl sitting on top of the coffee table. Why did her friends have so much trouble using furniture correctly?
Quinn walked over to where Rachel was now sitting up on the couch with mouth agape, still clutching the pillow tightly in front of her. Quinn patted Rachel on the shoulder, tossing her a comforting smile as she walked by, and took the chair she'd been sitting in earlier, bringing her legs up and under her. "So, you two want Rachel to be one of us. What, like the Unholy Trinity plus one? The Unholy Square? It's going to be difficult with her not being a Cheerio. And, not that I mind, but why exactly should Rachel start hanging out with us all the time?" Rachel looked worried and hurt and nervous, somehow all at the same time, and Quinn took a beat to marvel at the way emotions danced on her face. Hers was a face meant for acting. "I really don't mind," Quinn said softly, hurriedly to placate Rachel. "I'm really enjoying hanging out with you. But there has to be a reason Brittany wants you to join us rather than us just being friends with you." Quinn turned to Brittany. "There is, isn't there?"
Santana answered before Brittany could. "Oh, mi patita is clever," Santana said, smiling sweetly at Brittany who returned it, before changing to her devious smirk for Rachel and Quinn. "Because she knew that the only real way to get people to leave Berry alone at school is to get her to join us. No one messes with the Unholy Trinity, and if she's with us, no one messes with her either. We're reputational Kevlar."
"Uh-huh," Quinn said, only slightly angry which she thought was just fucking amazing, considering. "And where was this bullet-proof vest last year when I needed it? When I was pregnant and getting slushied twice a week? When I was kicked out of not one but two homes?! When I needed you!" Brittany and Santana looked ashamed while Rachel was staring between the other three, suddenly concerned.
"I'm sorry, Quinn," Brittany said sadly, quietly. "We're bad friends."
"What do you want us to say?" Santana asked, flipping out of the chair onto her feet, then sitting back down in it right side up. "We were shitty friends. We left you at the mercy of the school, your parents, and that giant idiot. We suck, okay?" Santana looked over at Brittany who was ignoring eye contact with everyone, looking down at her own hands. "No, I suck."
"San, no," Brittany started, looking up at the Latina.
"No, Britts," Santana said, looking from her to Quinn. "Brittany wanted to help you but I wouldn't let her. Coach Sue was a bitch, like… seriously a bitch. She put the word out that anyone helping you or still being friends with you was off the squad. Brittany still wanted to take you in, especially after Finn kicked you out, but I talked her out of it. I couldn't…" She let out a growl of frustration. "I couldn't protect her if she wasn't a Cheerio with me, okay? People at that school suck, and we all know it. They're ruthless and cruel, and me and you, Q? We were the worst. People loved that you got knocked down a few pegs, but I wasn't about to let them take out anything on Britt because of me. So I made her keep away from you to protect her." Santana turned to Rachel. "The same way I kept her from going to your party. You're a loser, Berry, and I don't mean that as a knock against you personally this time. That's just your status at that school. Sorry if that sucks to hear, but that's how it is. Brittany going to your party rather than Puck's… Hell, Brittany being your friend at all… people would pick on her about it, and I can't have that." She looked over at Brittany. "I can't."
Quinn looked over at Rachel, thinking, wondering what she would do to protect the tiny brunette girl from the school. Was it any less than what Santana had done to protect Brittany from ridicule? Everyone knew Brittany was special, and, yes, she meant that in every way. Quinn had never called her stupid and she never ever would, but she knew the girl's limitations. She wrote in crayon and was really bad at math and made some head-scratchingly odd statements. The school, if given free rein to pick on her would be relentless. She couldn't fault Santana for doing what she had to do to protect her. It's nothing short of what Quinn would have done herself; sell out Santana to save Brittany.
"It's fine," Quinn said, standing from the chair. "I get it. You had to pick Brittany over me. I would have done the same thing."
"No, it's not okay, Q," Brittany said, standing and pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry. I should have been… I don't know… braver, or something. It shouldn't have mattered what coach said. You needed us, and we weren't there for you. I even made fun of you one time when you were pregnant because I wanted the Glee girls to like me. I hated myself after I said it, but I didn't want to apologize because then I'd have to tell you what I had said and I didn't want to hurt you." She released Quinn and walked over to Rachel, kneeling down so they were eye level. "And since everyone else has apologized to you, I should, too."
"No, Brittany, you don't need to apologize," Rachel said, setting the pillow aside. "You've never done anything bad towards me."
"No, but I never stopped them from doing anything, either," Brittany said sadly. "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. Edmund Burke said that. Except in this case, I guess it would be good women. Or woman. Whatever." Everyone stared at Brittany because, not only was the quote totally appropriate, but she was also accurate in who said it. "I should have stopped them from picking on you, from slushee-ing you. They'd have listened. They liked me more than they hated you. I just… I wanted to make sure they liked me, Rachel. I wanted to be a part of something. But I also wanted to be your friend. That's why I left you the notes."
"The no-" Rachel started, looking confused before her eyes suddenly went wide. "That was you? I never- I didn't know- and you…?" She was momentarily speechless while Quinn and Santana shared a confused look. They were clearly missing out on a lot. "And the Valentines cards?"
"That was me, too," Brittany smiled. "And Mike and Matt, but he moved, so there'll probably be one less this year." She looked sad at the thought, but perked up when Rachel started smiling. It was the biggest genuine smile that Quinn had seen the girl use since she'd been back from the hospital, and she suddenly launched herself at Brittany, nearly knocking her kneeling form over from the intensity of it.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Rachel squealed out in excitement, pulling back to look Brittany in the eyes. "You don't know how much they meant to me. When I thought no one cared- and it was you all along! I should have known, but everything was just so- AGH!" And again she was throwing herself at Brittany and squeezing her, this time with happy tears starting to fall. "I love you so much, Brittany!"
"Of course you do," Brittany said, happily swaying the both of them back and forth. "I'm awesome. And you already know how much I love you, right?"
"Yes," Rachel said, sniffing, smiling. "Yes, of course."
"I'm so glad you're still alive, Rachel," Brittany said quietly.
"Me too," Rachel said, and in that moment, Quinn could actually tell she meant it. She wasn't deluded enough to think it was permanent or that whatever had happened between the two of them had magically fixed everything, but it was a start. Rachel being happy to be alive, even if just in that moment…? For now, she'd take it.
Quinn sat in her chair again, lights dimmed as they watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Rachel had never seen it even though it had songs in it, Brittany loved anything animated, and Santana had a soft spot for holiday themed Claymation. It seemed like she owned all of them. From the newer Nightmare Before Christmas to all the old ones like The Year Without a Santa Claus, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and even some weird thing on an old VHS tape about raisins from California. It was honestly a little odd some of the hobbies Santana secretly had. Then again, when Quinn thought about the box of sci-fi/fantasy books in the back of her closet marked 'Lucy', could she really even complain?
Quinn turned to see Rachel snuggled up again, under a blanket with Brittany. Whatever their conversation had been about, some kind of notes or letters or something, they weren't sharing. It clearly wasn't a romantic thing; it if it had been, Quinn was pretty sure Santana would have lost her mind. Quinn thought for sure she was going to snap anyway when they had said they loved each other. It was important to the two of them, whatever it was, so Santana had begrudgingly let it go. Quinn was curious, though. She knew she could find out later if she needed to. Rachel had promised to be completely honest with her after all, hadn't she?
After Rudolph, they were again trying to decide what to watch when someone mentioned the Christmas episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Being one of Quinn's favorite shows growing up, she'd quickly agreed and didn't even get any grief about it. Buffy was a bad-ass former cheerleader who killed things for a living and looking amazing doing it. How could anyone not love that?
"I've never heard of it," Rachel said. "It sounds violent, with the slaying vampires. And why would anyone want to slay vampires? Sure, for a long time they got a bad reputation for killing and drinking the blood of their victims, but in today's culture with shows like True Blood and The Vampire Diaries and the popularity of Twilight-"
"Out," Santana said, pointing to the door. "Get out." Looking over to Brittany and Quinn, she added, "I was wrong. She can't be one of us. She has to go."
"San…" Brittany whined, holding on to Rachel who looked like she couldn't tell if Santana was joking or not. Hell, Quinn couldn't really tell anymore. Santana took things like this seriously, sometimes. "She didn't know."
"Doesn't matter," Santana said. "She mentioned Twilight and tried to defend vampires. She has to go."
"What?" Rachel asked, looking back and forth between Quinn and Brittany, the clearly sane ones of the room. "I didn't- I just meant that-" She stopped, looking around for support.
"San," Brittany said, looking down. "I have a confession to make…"
"No, B," Santana moaned. "Not you, too?"
"Ashley got me to read the first one," Brittany said. Ashley was Brittany's twelve year old sister and absolutely adored her. She was nearly as sweet as Brittany, but an honor roll student. It almost wasn't fair that Ashley was the beautiful smart sweet girl that Lucy had always wanted to be. Quinn had to change everything about herself to be that girl. "It was actually pretty good. And they sparkle, San. How cool is that? You know I've always wanted to sparkle."
Santana looked stuck somewhere between loving and hating Brittany at the moment, like her brain couldn't decide which fork to take. After a long agonizing minute, though, love finally won out as Santana said, "You do sparkle, Britts. Just… this isn't one of those things I can share with you, okay?"
"It's okay," Brittany said. "Rachel can be my best friend now."
Santana actually looked almost physically hurt from that, and Quinn couldn't believe that Brittany could be so cold and uncaring. "I thought I was your best friend, B," Santana said morosely.
"No, you're my complicated," Brittany said. When Santana stared on waiting for some kind of explanation, Brittany added, "It's like on Facebook. If I was talking about me and you, we're not in a relationship, but we're not just friends. I would put 'It's Complicated'. You're my 'Complicated'. So Rachel can be my best friend now like you and Q are."
Santana sat looking at the girl, not knowing what to say, so Quinn jumped in. She was Santana's best friend after all. Apparently. Who knew, right? "That's actually kind of brilliant, Britts. So you and Rachel can talk about vampires and Twilight and all that, and now Santana doesn't have to have an aneurism trying to pretend to like it. It works out for everyone, then."
"Yep," Brittany said, smiling.
They were all silent for a long minute when Rachel finally piped up. "Does this mean I don't have to leave?" They all looked to where the diva was sitting, watching the three around them and probably wondering how she had stumbled into this particular rabbit hole. It's only further and further down from here, Alice, Quinn thought as Brittany assured her that she didn't as well as informed her that they were now BFF for life.
It was nice to see Rachel's face light up at that, knowing that someone wanted to be her friend. Quinn and Rachel had come to an uneasy truce in the hospital, and they said they'd try to be friends, but Rachel and Brittany had a completely different dynamic. Quinn could see it already. Brittany was the friend that Rachel had yearned for all her life. The girl to tell secrets to about crushes on boys and pass notes in class and have sleepovers with. Quinn was just too fucking aloof for that, too withdrawn, too hidden. Thankfully Santana was much the same and knew when to push Quinn and when to leave her alone. They got each other. And Brittany… Quinn loved Brittany like a sister, but she wasn't close to her, not like Santana was. They were just too different. Brittany was often good for Quinn, given enough time to find her way past Quinn's walls, and she often drew the pensive blonde out of her shell and into the world with her and Santana. It was always a struggle, though.
So this, Rachel and Brittany's friendship, could totally be a good thing for all involved. Brittany could have a friend that she didn't have to work to have fun with like she did with Quinn. She could have someone that didn't confuse her emotionally like Santana did. Rachel could have a friendship like she'd always wanted. Santana could have a reason to never have to discuss Twilight ever again. And Quinn… actually thinking about it, Quinn felt left out of the whole equation. If Rachel had Brittany to be friends with, where did that leave her and Rachel? As her secondary friend? As her backup friend? Or was Brittany on to something earlier? Was Rachel her 'complicated'? And if so, did that mean they couldn't really ever be friends?
They ended up watching the Christmas episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Rachel was immediately enthralled, and even Santana had to give her a couple of points for that. She wanted to watch more of it, but that went against the Christmas rules, so Santana promised to lend her the complete series on DVD. Something stuttered in Quinn's brain as she listened to them talking about it. This whole conversation seemed oddly familiar to her…
Quinn suddenly stood up out of her seat. "The complete series!" she nearly yelled, looking around at them. They all wore matching confused faces, and she blushed, embarrassed at the outburst. "Sorry," she said, voice going back to normal. "It's just, last month Sam and I were talking about television shows we watched growing up and he said he was big into Dr. Who even though it was British, and I told him I watched this," she pointed to the screen where the Buffy menu was playing. "He said he'd never seen it before." Santana's eyes lit up, catching on, while Brittany and Rachel just sat staring at her. "It'd make a good Christmas present."
"The best," Santana said, sitting back and smiling, happy to share Buffy with someone new. That was almost two people in one day, so she was looking particularly smug. "You should definitely get it for him." She paused. "Except… didn't you two break up?"
Rachel's head shot up at this, a questioning look in her eyes. "Not necessarily," Quinn said carefully. "We're not really broken up as much as kind of on a… cooling off period? But it's Christmas, and I can't not get him a present. Then we'd definitely be broken up." Brittany looked over at Quinn, their previous conversation still on her mind. 'But you're not sure if you still want to date him' she'd said. Quinn still didn't have an answer to that one.
"It's only two days 'til Christmas, Q," Santana said. "It's kind of now or never on the shopping."
"We'd have to hit the mall," Quinn said, glancing down at her phone. She'd promised to call Hiram and Leory if any plans changed from sitting around watching movies. "Is everyone good with that?"
Santana and Brittany immediately agreed, always up for a trip to the mall, though Santana did say she didn't want to stay all day, that they had still had a lot of movies left to watch. Rachel, however, stayed quiet. Going to sit on the arm of the couch beside Rachel, Quinn turned to the brunette. "Rach, we don't all have to go if you don't want to. I can go tomorrow or by myself or something." Santana and Brittany looked on at Rachel who was biting her bottom lip, again hugging that damned pillow. Quinn felt like she'd have to steal it or burn it or something before the day was over just to stop her using it as a shield. "If you don't feel comfortable-"
"No," Rachel said, shaking her head. "It's just the mall, right? I mean, it'll probably be so crowded that no one will even notice me. It'll be fine."
"Are you sure? Because-"
"No, I'm fine," Rachel said, standing up. "You have the anxiety pills, and I have my hoodie that I can pull up if people start… I don't know. Staring or something like those women in the grocery store." Quinn saw a what-the-fuck-hell-no look on Santana's face, and it was almost sweet seeing her pissed off in Rachel's defense. Rachel, however, was putting on her best show smile and Quinn could tell she was mentally psyching herself up like she did before a performance. "No, no. It'll be fine."
After giving Santana and Brittany time to change, or shower, in Santana's case, and after texting, then calling, then basically begging Hiram and Leroy to let Rachel go to the mall, they were all headed towards Santana's BMW when Brittany shouted, "Wait!" They all turned to stare at her. "We have to take separate cars."
"Uh, why, Britts?" Quinn asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because some of us might be buying presents for the others," Brittany said, comically widening her eyes as the rest of the conversation with Brittany finally pinged in her head. Rachel's present. She couldn't very well get it with Rachel there. "That way, if I bought something for, say… Santana, you and Rachel could take it and hide it at your house. Except, you know, flip that, skip it, and reverse it."
"B, are you getting me a Missy Elliot CD?" Santana asked, chuckling. She already knew what Brittany was saying, but the blonde made her laugh the way she explained things sometimes. It had taken Quinn a while to figure out she had to translate Brittany, but Santana had seemed to know it automatically. It was just another example of how Quinn knew they were made for each, if only Santana could not be so scared and come out. The irony was not lost on her.
"Good idea, Britts," Quinn said, taking Rachel's hand and leading her towards her own little red VW Beetle. Again she opened the door for her, holding her good hand and helping her into the car. Looking back at Santana and Brittany, who wore a questioning look and a happy look respectively, Quinn shook her head and went around to her side of the car, getting in. Let them think whatever they wanted to. Quinn was just helping Rachel because she was injured. The same reason she had helped her into and out of the car that morning. It had nothing to do with anything else. Quinn kept telling herself that all the way to the mall.
Once there, they parked near the back of the parking lot, one of the only places left nearly two days before Christmas. They had plans to meet at the food court for pretzels, another of their non-Sue Sylvester-approved eating habits. Mallratting the day away called for soft pretzels.
Thinking the name must have in some way summoned her because at that very moment, Quinn heard Sue Sylvester shrieking through a bullhorn. "YOU THINK THIS IS HARD?"
Rachel jumped and clutched at her heart melodramatically, causing Quinn to giggle at the brunette. "Sorry," Quinn said, pulling the cell phone from her purse. "It's just my phone. The 'Sue Sylvester Special Alert', she likes to call it." Glancing down, she read the words, joy flitting through her chest.
'Q- Practice is cancelled tomorrow. Alert the minions.'
Quinn had hoped and prayed that Jean Sylvester would come through for her again this year as she had the past two, not that last year mattered as much with her being off the Cheerios. Jean was too nice a person to ever let Coach Sue hold a practice on Christmas Eve. Quinn had only met Jean a couple of times at different cheerleading competitions, but it was clear that Sue Sylvester adored her sister. It almost humanized the woman. Almost. Sending a mass text to all the Cheerios was a matter of a couple of buttons, and pretty soon all the Cheerios would be getting the same update/warning.
'Practice is cancelled tomorrow. Thank Jean. Don't stuff yourselves over the holiday or you'll be paying for it on Mon. Double suicides to anyone late Mon morning. -Q'
"Go Jean," Santana said, walking up with Brittany and taking a seat at the table Quinn had led Rachel to while she'd been texting. She wanted to say it was pure talent, texting and guiding like that while dodging Christmas shoppers, but people just had a habit of getting out of her way wherever she walked. School, the mall, wherever. Quinn supposed she simply put off an aura of get-the-fuck-out-of-my-way. The Ice Quinn cometh, Santana would usually say after seeing it. Whatever. Santana was a bitch. "Way to hook a bitch up."
"Oh, yay!" Brittany said, clapping from her seat. "Does this mean we get to go jogging tomorrow?"
"Sure, Britts," Quinn said, smiling. "But it has to be early. Mom has family coming over at noon, so I need to be back by ten at the latest in order to get ready so she doesn't lose her mind. This is our first Christmas without…" she paused, unable or unwilling to talk about her father, she wasn't sure, "…you know, and she's worried that everyone will be weird, so she wants me there early. It's mostly just to keep her calm, though."
"That's okay," Brittany said. "We were going to have a practice at seven tomorrow anyway. Couldn't we just get up then and go?"
"The fuck-?" Santana started, turning to Brittany. "Baby, I know you're trying to be helpful, but you're killing me here. Can I not sleep in one morning?"
Brittany started to get pouty. "Are you still mad that I woke you up this morning? I thought you liked it when I sucked on your-"
"Brittany!" Santana said, flinging an arm around the tall blonde's head, hand landing on her mouth. "I'm sure smurfette and the prude don't want to hear about that. And I'm definitely not mad at how you woke me up, just a little upset with when you woke me up."
"Sorry," Brittany said sadly.
"Aw, Britts, don't pout," Santana said. "You know it kills me." Looking at the still sad girl, Santana sighed, then added, "How about if I buy us all pretzels?"
Brittany's eyes lit up, and Quinn was almost sure Santana was getting played. "And milkshakes?"
"…fine."
"Strawberry, please," Brittany said, once again happy. "And a cinnamon sugar pretzel."
"Vanilla," Quinn said. "Plain pretzel."
They all turned to Rachel who sat watching the people out in the mall, not even paying attention to the conversation at hand. "Midge," San called to her, getting Rachel to turn around. "What do you want?"
"I'm sorry, I…" Rachel said, shaking her head. "I wasn't paying attention, I guess. What was the-"
"Santana's buying us pretzels and milkshakes," Brittany explained. "I'm getting a cinnamon sugar pretzel and strawberry milkshake because I'm fruity and sweet. Quinn's getting vanilla and plain pretzel which is like her because she's super prudish and boring-"
"Hey!"
"-and Santana's getting a chocolate peanut butter milkshake and parmesan cheese pretzel because she likes either weird things or hot things, which I'm totally both. So now you have to pick a pretzel and milkshake flavor combination that'll totally describe you."
"Oh, I don't- that's kind of a lot of…" Rachel trailed off. "Can't I just get what you're getting, Brittany? The cinnamon sugar pretzel sounds good."
"Sure," Brittany said. "But what about the milkshake?"
"Oh, I don't really drink milk," Rachel said. "But if I could get a lemonade or-"
But whatever Rachel's other option was going to be was drowned out by Santana's sudden uproarious laughter. She laughed so hard that she was nearly doubled over and had to walk away. She drew stares from the other shoppers as she walked past, and they could hear her all the way to the pretzel place saying something about "pressed lemons" the entire way.
Quinn felt her own cheeks tinge red. She looked over at Brittany who was smiling and patting Rachel's hand. Rachel just looked confused as she looked around for some kind of explanation that wasn't coming.
"So," Quinn said, breaking what she considered an awkward silence. "Jogging tomorrow. We can just go from San's house to the park, if that's cool." She looked over at Brittany who nodded an affirmative, then nodded her head over at Rachel. Quinn eyes went wide, realizing what Brittany was not saying. "Rachel, since you're going to be spending the night with us, would you want to go jogging, too? I know you usually do your whole elliptical thing in the mornings, but since you won't actually have that with you, you could join us. If you wanted."
Rachel bit her lip and looked around at the shoppers. "I actually haven't used my elliptical in a month or so," she said. "I don't know if I'd be able to keep up with you guys, so I don't know."
"Rachel, you have awesome legs," Brittany said, earning a faint blush from the brunette. "Even if they are tiny. You could totally keep up. And if you get tired, you can go piggy back." Then Brittany's eyes lit up again. "Oh! Can we do that anyway?"
As Brittany rambled on about riding piggy back and toting Rachel around in her pocket, Quinn couldn't help but think that tomorrow would be six days since… and she had been around or hung out with Rachel every day, barring that first morning Rachel threw her out. Not only had Quinn been around her, but she'd actually enjoyed being around her… mostly. She was even a little upset that they wouldn't get to hang out tomorrow because of her mom's family coming over. True, it was the first Christmas without Russell so it should definitely be a merry one, but not seeing Rachel for that long was kind of putting a damper on the holiday… which sucked, because Christmas was her favorite holiday.
Going from Rachel to Sam, Quinn realized there was definitely something wrong with that picture. While she'd seen Rachel nearly every day, she'd only seen Sam twice in that same time period, and she wasn't even missing him. It didn't say good things about their relationship if she could go that long without seeing him, without really even thinking about him. Rachel had been on her mind nearly all the time as Quinn had thought about the girl getting better, about her going back to school, as Quinn did her best not to imagine what would have happened if she hadn't looked at MySpace that night. No, can't think like that, Quinn said to herself. She was already having enough problems with those thought at night while she tried to sleep, she wouldn't let them invade her day also.
"Rachel," Brittany said after a moment. "Now that I think about it, I don't think Santana can carry all that stuff by herself. Will you go help her with it? She's just over there." Brittany was pointing towards Santana who was carrying a tray with drinks and standing in line at The Pretzel Shack. "Please." When Rachel looked doubtful, Brittany added, "I wanted to ask Quinn about a present for Santana, a sexual thing, and I'm sure San wouldn't want you knowing about it. She probably doesn't want Q knowing, but they're besties, so who else can I ask, right?"
Rachel nodded, reluctantly agreeing, and started making her way between shoppers towards Santana. "Britt," Quinn said cautiously, "if it's a… sex… gift, um… I'm not sure-"
"No, no," Brittany said, smiling as sneakily as she could which, honestly, wasn't much. The girl was too sweet. "I just needed Rachel to go so we could talk about her present." And Quinn and Brittany soon found themselves in a heated discussion over the best way to make it to the pet store without Rachel following along. Brittany knew the owners of the store where they adopted out pets as she hung out there sometimes, so she had to go, and Quinn was the one getting it and had to be there to pick it out as well as pay for it and all the accessories that would be needed. This left Santana to hang out with Rachel again which Quinn really wasn't comfortable with, even if Santana had apologized to Rachel and was trying to be friends with her.
"Shh, shh," Brittany said as Santana and Rachel joined them back at the table. They passed out the drinks and pretzels as they sat down, Rachel joining Quinn again on her side of the table while Santana joined Brittany. They sat there talking for a few minutes as they enjoyed their pretzels. Well, Quinn, Santana, and Brittany were talking. Rachel just seemed to nod along occasionally and look out at the people as they passed.
After pretzels and milkshakes, they truly hit the mall, going to a few different shops, Brittany and Santana trying on different outfits, even getting Quinn to try on some. Rachel, meanwhile, would sit back and laugh occasionally, but mostly she stared out at the other people shopping. Not like she was looking for anyone or waiting for anything. She just seemed… bored, Quinn finally decided. And a little confused. Like she wasn't sure why she was there or what she was supposed to be doing with them.
Walking through the mall, Santana nodded for Quinn to hang back while Rachel and Brittany walked ahead, arm in arm. "Is Berry alright?" Santana asked. "Okay, stupid question. She tried to kill herself less than a week ago. But, I mean… is this normal for her now? Like, normal for the new her, I guess?"
"I…" Quinn started, running a hand through her hair. "God, I don't even know anymore." Santana shot her a look of sympathy which was just weird for her. Rachel being quiet, Santana being decent… everything felt wrong. "I've been looking at stuff online, and, I mean, yeah, maybe? Like one of the survivor stories said that they would have days where they'd just stare at the television or the computer and just zone out for hours, going over everything in their head. And, I guess she might be doing that? It's kind of a lot to deal with, I'm sure."
"Yeah…" Santana dragged out. After a quiet minute of watching Brittany trying to get Rachel to laugh, she said, "We really fucked her up, didn't we?"
Quinn sighed. "I think we really did." They stood in quiet contemplation as Brittany pulled Rachel by the strings of her hoodie into another department store. "Come on," Quinn said. "We should probably go with."
They entered the store but this one was bigger than the rest, and they had somehow lost track of Brittany and Rachel, not seeing them from the entrance. Quinn heard Santana muttering Spanish curses under her breath while she looked around then marched off, knowing Quinn would be following right behind her. After a few minutes of searching around for them, they found Rachel and Brittany in the men's clothing section, looking at scarves and hats. Brittany actually had the brunette smiling as the taller blonde wrapped a scarf around her and stuck a hat on her head. From where they were, they couldn't hear the actual words, but Rachel laughed, and that in turn made Quinn smile. Then, it was like Rachel's smile was wiped off.
Rachel and Brittany turned to look at something blocked by a pillar that Quinn and Santana couldn't see. Brittany looked upset, which, much like Santana looking sympathetic, was unusual. Brittany turned to say something to Rachel, but Rachel was still looking past where Brittany stood. Then, she was only looking at the floor, head down, as she took off the scarf and hat.
It was clear that whatever they couldn't see had upset Rachel, and Quinn and Santana were already walking over there when they saw Rachel forcefully push Brittany away from her and scream, "I don't care! I don't want to-" Rachel looked from Brittany, who had tripped and fallen onto the floor to whatever they couldn't see. A glance at Santana could tell she was already getting mad at Rachel, and Quinn broke out into a run to reach the diva before Santana did.
"I can't- I can't do this, Quinn," Rachel said, tears already streaming down her face as Quinn skidded to a halt in front of her. "I can't- with their looking and pointing and laughing- and I know. I know this is how school is going to be, and I can't- no, I won't! I won't, Quinn…" and she fell into Quinn's open arms, burying her face into the blonde's chest. "I can't, Quinn… I can't live like this. It hurts. Everything is… is wrong, and it hurts…"
Santana had slowed down at the sight of Rachel falling apart, finally coming up to where Brittany was on the floor while the tall blonde just stared up at the hugging girls. Quietly, Santana helped Brittany up off the floor, and they just stood there, staring at them. Once Brittany had brushed her butt off, she turned to Santana and said in a hushed voice, "We were looking at getting my dad another present because I don't really like the one I got him, you know. The kitchen knives are just too-"
"Brittany, the point," Santana interrupted, more business-like that rude.
"Right, sorry," Brittany said. "Well then the mean women over there were staring and one said something to the other one and they started laughing at us, and not like nice "we're amusing" laughing, but mean laughing… like, Missy-Gunderson-laughing. And they were looking over this way and pointing and then I told Rachel to just ignore them because they're clearly mean people, but she-"
Again Santana cut her off, this time with a hand to her mouth. After Brittany stopped talking, Santana removed her hand and asked, "Which women?"
"Santana, no," Brittany said. "Don't get kicked out of-"
"Which. Women."
Brittany was nervous and looked over, but Quinn was already pissed off enough that this bullshit had happened once this morning. As far as she was concerned, Santana could do whatever she wanted. Quinn nodded, giving Brittany the go-ahead, and Brittany reluctantly pointed towards the register near them. "Those two at the checkout."
One of the women refused to turn her head in the slightest and looked rather stiff-necked, but the other one was blatantly staring back at them, not seeming to care who saw. They were both in their early to mid-thirties, and it amazed Quinn again that two grown women could act like the idiot children they went to school with. They had already paid for their things and were headed towards the door out to the parking lots before Santana was in yelling distance.
"HEY! BITCH WITH THE STARING PROBLEM!" Santana's yell stopped everyone in the store, and suddenly all eyes were on the Latina. Quinn could tell just from the way she walked up to them that she was in full-on Cheerio Enforcer mode, and it reminded her exactly why she'd chosen Santana as her right-hand woman. "Sorry, I don't know your name, so I'm just going to call you bitch-with-the-staring-problem. Is that all right with you, bitch-with-the-staring-problem?"
The two women were staring at Santana, unbelieving that anyone would talk to them that way. One of the women even started to say something, but Santana cut her off. "I'm sure whatever you were about to say, bitch-with-the-staring-problem's friend, was just super important and totally insightful, but we need to go over something first. That okay with you, bitch-with-the-staring-problem? Good."
Santana turned and pointed back towards where Quinn, Brittany, and Rachel were standing. "Now bitch-with-the-staring-problem, I know those girls you were staring at are two hot pieces of ass that you would just love to get a scoop of, but they're not interested." The woman looked offended at the very idea, but Santana wasn't done. "The little one's a vegan, so she's not interested in heifer, and the tall one's too sweet to ever be seen with something as disgusting as you two. I would tell you to go after someone your own age, but really, I wouldn't wish that" she motioned up and down to the woman's body, "on anyone. Maybe, bitch-with-the-staring-problem, you could get your skank whore friend here drunk enough to be interested. I doubt that much alcohol exists, but it's a suggestion." She paused to let all of it sink in before taking a step closer. Santana got right in their faces so only the two of them could hear. "See, now that's what it feels like to be the center of unwanted attention. Maybe next time you could think about that and have a little god damn decency before you laugh at the suicidal girl."
Santana turned on her heel and started to walk away while the two women just stared at her retreating form. All around them, Christmas shoppers looked anywhere from mortified that she'd said all that to trying their best to keep from laughing at them. As an afterthought, Santana turned back around and waved. "Oh, and Merry Christmas."
The smile she wore took her all the way back over to where the other three girls stood. "I think it would probably be best if we left this particular store before we were otherwise forcefully asked to leave," Quinn said, pulling Rachel along with her. The brunette had stopped crying but was still buried in Quinn's side as they passed the on-looking customers and exited through the front of the store and back into the main part of the mall.
Once out into the main area of the mall, Quinn led them to the nearest bathroom where she stopped at the sink. Pulling away from Rachel, she dug into her pocket and pulled out a pill bottle, popped the cap and took out a single white pill. "Rachel, pill time. Do you need a drink, or can you take it with the water from the sink?"
"I don't- I don't think I need one," Rachel stuttered out, wiping at her eyes. "I'm through- I'm done crying, and-"
"Nope," Quinn said. "You break down crying, you get a pill. That was the rule we came up with on the phone, right? Last night?"
"That was- that was more your rule than- than mine, and-"
Quinn reached out, taking her hands and silencing her. "Rachel," she said calmly, looking down into the shorter girl's eyes. "You're still shaking, and you look like you could start crying again at any second. Just… just humor me, okay?" Rachel still looked reluctant, so Quinn added a quiet "please?" This got the girl to nod begrudgingly, taking the pill from Quinn's hand.
After she had taken the pill with a single handful of water from the sink, she turned back to where the other three girls stood watching her. She looked down at her feet, embarrassed or guilty, Quinn couldn't tell. "I'm sorry I pushed you, Brittany."
"It's okay," Brittany said, going to hug Rachel, though it was gentle again, like she had first thing that morning. "I'm used to getting knocked around in Cheerios, so it's all good."
Rachel looked up, smiling shyly at Brittany as a thank you, then turned to Santana. "And thank you, Santana, for sticking up for me."
"No probs, Frodo," Santana said, reaching out and hitting her on the shoulder. "It was a lot of fun. Just ask these two," Santana motioned to Brittany and Quinn. "I love putting bitches in their place."
"And she's so good at it," Brittany said. "No one at this school picks on me because everyone's afraid of big badass Santana." Though the nickname was somewhat ruined by the fact that she was poking Santana in the stomach and causing the Latina to unwillingly giggle. "And now, no one will mess with you ever again, either. You're one of us." Then Brittany hesitated. "I mean, if you want to be. You never said…"
"It's- I mean, it's all so sudden and… weird," Rachel said. "I'm a social pariah, and you're the most popular girls at the school. I just wish there was some way no one would notice me."
Quinn and Santana shared a look of 'this is unnatural and it's all our fault', but Santana was the one to speak. "Well that's not happening, Berry. If that last little incident taught us anything, it's that even when you don't want to be the center of attention, you're still going to be. It's who you are. You're either the insanely talented girl on stage, the annoying pain in everyone's ass, or the crazy girl that tried to kill herself." Quinn looked at Santana slightly horrified at her bluntness, because, God, did she really have to talk to Rachel that way, but Santana just blew her off. "So if that's how it's going to be, then that's how it's going to be. Might as well let some people have your back, though, right?"
"I…" Rachel started hesitantly, wanting to argue, because, hey, also clearly in her nature, but she stopped herself. "You're right. Thank you. I'm going to hug you now."
But Santana was blocking her yet again. "Seriously, though, Berry. You've got to knock off all this hugging shit." Putting her hands on Rachel's shoulders, she turned the girl towards Brittany. "Consider it like Twilight. She's your go-to. Anytime you feel like hugging me, go to Brittany."
"Or Quinn," Brittany said cheerfully. "I'm sure she doesn't mind hugging you."
Quinn just made some noncommittal noise, but again Santana was looking at her like something was up. "We should get going," Quinn said. "More shopping to do and all that."
As they made their way out of the bathroom, Rachel and Quinn in front with the other two following along, Quinn heard Brittany behind her talking closely to Santana. "That was so hot, standing up for Rachel like that. You are so getting some tonight." Quinn felt her ears turn red at the conversation, and looking over at a blushing Rachel told her she'd heard the same thing. Note to self, Quinn thought. Stay in the guest bedroom furthest away from Santana's room.
Longer Author's Note: A few things… First off, a thanks for all the reviews, follows, and favorites. Knowing that other people like this story really keeps me inspired. I really enjoy responding to the reviews, as anyone can tell that's read my review response ramblings (yay alliteration!). Even the anonymous reviewers are awesome. Mostly. There are a few of you that feel this isn't the story for you and have told me. That's cool. This is a huge fandom, and there are a lot of other great stories out there. I can even recommend some of the better ones I've read. Ones that are far better than mine. Just know that I consider all the reviews of this story, even the not so nice ones, as long as they're well-reasoned, so if you have a genuine complaint other than "I don't like this character" or "that character sucks", please, PLEASE let me know. Also, for anyone that might have issues with my version of Santana, I'm actually painting her as a nicer person in this story than they did on the show at the time. Anyone that doesn't believe it, go back and watch the first half of season two. With her being so awesome later, people tend to forget that she was kind of a hurtful bitch.
Number Two: If anyone read my other story that I started, "The Adventures of Lucy and Babs", I didn't take that down. FanFictionNet took it down. The reason that I got was because of the Facebook conversation in it. Apparently you can't have "scripts". I know, it's kind of ridiculous when you consider some of the other stories out there, but I don't begrudge them anything. I'm either going to try and change it and repost it, or else post it somewhere else. I've been told LiveJournal is the place to go, but I don't have one, so I'll have to see about that.
Thirdly, I promise you, "mi patita" means "my (female) duckling", not "my leg". I mean, it can also mean that, too, but my Hispanic friend told me that it's more like an animal leg rather than a person's leg, and that Santana definitely wouldn't be calling Brittany a leg. Google Translate (which is what I use sometimes when reading other people's stories) can be weird sometimes. I will sometimes use Spanish in this story for Santana because I believe a proud Latina like her would throw in Spanish words and phrases now and then. If it's ever something odd, I'll let you know. And if I'm ever wrong about something, please let me know. I will never insult someone's language out of spite, only out of ignorance (which can thankfully be corrected). (Interestingly enough, "patita" in Italian means "suffered" according to Google Translate.)
One last thing, then I'll shut up. Heck, you're probably not even still reading. If you are, though, I LOVE when people get my references. If you feel like commenting on them, please do. It makes me happy that there are nerdy people out there like me. To the person last chapter that commented on Big Bang Theory, you get a high five, sir or madam.
Again, thanks for the reviews and follows and favorites (oh my!). Please continue to do so. Until next chapter, :-)