Chapter 50 – Break's Over

She couldn't say what initially alerted her to a presence in the room. Perhaps it was the years of traveling on the road or an innate sixth sense. Whatever the case, Alyx had been ready when she felt a hand on her shoulder and responded by grabbing the intruder's wrist with a lightning quick reaction meant to warn more than injure.

She relaxed as she looked up into a pair of familiar yellow eyes that seemed to glow in the moonlight as they stared back at her unwaveringly. Morrigan lifted a finger to her lips and then padded toward the door, looking back once in a silent bid for her to follow. Alyx glanced over at Nate to make sure he was still asleep and then slipped from the bed, being careful not to jostle him in the process. She quickly dressed and followed the witch out of her rooms, somehow knowing they would end up on the battlements before they got there.

"What is it, has something happened?" she asked once they stepped out into the cool night air. When Morrigan simply shook her head Alyx's shoulders dropped in resignation. "You're leaving then."

"'Tis past time. I have tarried too long here as it is," Morrigan replied.

"But the darkspawn—"

"Are no longer my concern."

"So this is how it's going to be," Alyx narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms tightly in front of her chest. Suddenly the progress she thought they had made since Morrigan's return vanished and the old feelings of anger and resentment returned in full force.

"'Tis the way it must be," Morrigan replied in a soft tone that surprised her. Alyx couldn't be sure but she almost thought she heard a hint of regret behind the witch's words. "I have other matters that now require my attention, but even if it weren't for that it is no longer my battle to wage."

"Then why stay at all? Certainly not to forge relationships if you intend to leave in the dead of night without so much as a farewell to the others."

"I owe your men nothing," Morrigan retorted testily, but then softened again almost immediately. "But you…I made a promise to myself that when I left it would not be on the same terms. I'll not pretend at a hope that our relationship could be anything like it was before, but I do still consider you a sister even if you cannot. I stayed because I needed to see that you would fully recover."

"If that was all you would have left weeks ago," Alyx replied dryly with a quirk of an eyebrow.

"There is more to healing than merely the physical, as you should well know. You have been bleeding out slowly for years, the wound festering inside of you, siphoning away the strength you fought so hard to obtain. I despaired that you would lose yourself completely in it, and in time your will would crumble away, leaving naught but a shell of the woman I knew."

"So what changed?" Alyx asked.

"When I first followed you to Vigil's Keep in my falcon form I was intrigued by the relationships you had formed with your men, as strained as they were in the beginning. I could not say what it was but the fact that their presence put a fire in your eyes I had not seen since the blight made me hope. I had never planned to involve myself so, or to stay on as long as I did, but after the confrontation with Flemeth and the revelations that came to light a new concern overtook me. I was worried your Nathaniel Howe would become yet another Alistair and was determined not to let that happen again," Morrigan explained.

"I don't understand."

"You always saw Alistair through a haze of love and so could never see what the rest of us did. That he was never your match in strength or spirit and could never be so. Like an infant he crashed around doing or saying whatever he wished no matter the consequences, leaving you to take the lead though he was the more senior warden. He relied on you in all things, never considering the burden he laid at your feet. Then as reward for all of this he leaves you with years of suffering as gratitude."

"You speak as if Alistair abandoned me," Alyx growled, fuming at the picture Morrigan had painted of her late husband.

"Did he not?" Morrigan simply asked as she crossed her arms to mirror Alyx's stance.

"He didn't want to die, but the blight was bigger than 'us.' We both knew there would be a price to pay and he sacrificed himself anyway to save all of us—"

"—nearly killing you and your unborn child in the process."

"That is not true! He made a choice—"

"—A choice that did not have to be made, but I do not wish to argue about the past. What is done cannot be undone. The point is that unlike your foolish templar Nathaniel came to you on equal footing."

"So then I just imagined the whole scene in the Vigil's dungeons when he threatened my life," Alyx said with a snort. "Or the fact that from that day forth I became his superior officer…"

"I do not speak of titles!" Morrigan spat impatiently. "When I saw that there was more developing between you I studied you both quite closely. I do not know what was in his past that formed him into the man he is, but his actions thus far have proven him to be a most capable man; one who gives as much as he takes. Together you are stronger than you are separate, and you will both need that strength to face what is to come."

"I take it that means you approve," Alyx said with a small quirk of her lips.

"In as much as I approve of any man…yes," Morrgian replied with an answering smile of her own. "I used to think that love made you weak but now I see that under the right circumstance there is some magic to such a deep connection; and with magic comes power. It also doesn't hurt to have a skilled lover in your bed…given the look on your face I would say the Howe boy has talent in spades."

Alyx blushed at Morrigan's words and the witch chuckled at her reaction. They shared a moment of comfortable silence as they both stared at each other, and for a brief moment the old camaraderie was there between them, fragile and beautiful in its fleeting existence.

"I don't suppose you'll tell me where you're going?" Alyx asked eventually.

"I cannot."

"Will I ever see you again?"

"Perhaps in time, but one can never be sure of such things," Morrigan replies and to Alyx's surprise the witch quickly embraced her before she turned and walked to the ledge. "Farewell, sister. Despite everything, I shall miss you."

"Morrigan—"Alyx called softly before she turned. "Stay safe."

Morrigan nodded and smiled. Then faster than she could blink, the witch turned herself into her falcon form and flew away across the horizon.

Anders groaned and threw an arm over his head. It can't be morning already, he thought as his temples throbbed in time with the pounding of the light against his eyelids. His stomach churned, threatening to heave until he cast a small rejuvenation spell on himself and sighed as the sensation dulled to a mild annoyance. Blinking his eyes open he stared at the ceiling as the last vestiges of sleep slipped away and his thoughts began to gain some focus.

With a great sigh Anders slowly stumbled out of bed and splashed his face with ice cold water from the basin on his washstand. He took a cursory glance in his shaving mirror and winced at the sight. Staring back at him was a pair of blood shot eyes, unkempt hair and three days growth of stubble…not to mention a black eye and bruising along his jawline that he was a little fuzzy on the details about receiving. Not at all up to his normal standards, but then he could not find it within himself to really care.

Bracing himself against the washstand, he stared down at the basin of water as remnants of the day before began to swim to the front of his consciousness. He remembered waking late in the day, head pounding with one of the worst hangovers he'd had in years. When he finally managed to get out of bed the pain was only surpassed by the guilt of his actions the night before.

Determined to regain some of his lost integrity, Anders had checked in briefly with Varel to ensure his wound was healing properly and then rushed to the dining hall in the hopes of catching the Commander before the midday meal had ended. Only she wasn't there. She wasn't, in fact, in any of her normal haunts despite the lateness of the day. It wasn't until after the dinner hour had also come and gone without any sign of Falcon that he became alarmed by her absence.

Without thinking Anders made his way to her bedchambers only to be blocked entry by a certain annoying Antivan elf with a knowing smirk across his bronzed face. It took only a moment for clarity to kick in and it was as if his entire world crumbled all over again. Concern quickly turned into anger and he stormed away without a second glance. After that he made his way down to the pub, bought himself a bottle of rotgut and spent the rest of the evening trying to drink himself into oblivion. He could not quite remember what happened after that save for the sensation of being tossed out onto his arse by the barkeep.

It was with that humiliating memory that Anders debated the wisdom of making an appearance downstairs. Now that Nathaniel and Falcon had quite obviously consummated their relationship he could only imagine that Howe would be even more unbearable than usual and he wasn't sure he could get through it without making a scene. With a deep breath he reminded himself that despite everything he'd had to stomach over these last few weeks, he'd made a promise to the Commander and he owed it to her to keep it, even if it broke him to do it.

Anders quickly changed and before he could talk himself out of it, took a deep breath and trudged out of his room. Walking to the dining hall should have been a simple act but somehow today it felt like some new surreal form of hell. Though the guards mostly ignored him some of the people he passed openly stared or shot him disapproving glances before turning back to their tasks. With morbid amusement he mused it was much like his circle days when he was called up to the First Enchanter's office for some infraction or another. Close quarters always breeds gossip and the Vigil was no different.

When he entered the dining hall he saw that Ogren, Sigrun, Velanna and Zevran were already there, but there was no sign of Nathaniel or the Commander. He wasn't sure if he should be relieved or annoyed at their absence, and he absolutely didn't want to think about what they might be doing instead. For his part the others barely registered his presence as he settled down at the table. He supposed he deserved it given his attitude of late but it still rankled to know he was persona non grata.

"So she's really gone?" he heard Sigrun as around a mouthful of food.

"So it seems. The night watch reported seeing her late last night but her rooms was empty this morning," Zevran replied. Anders perked up his ears at this.

"Good riddance," Oghren spat. "That woman is more trouble than she's worth."

"But shouldn't the Commander be told?" Velanna asked.

"Nah, no use interrupting the lovebirds just to piss her off," Oghren replied.

"Morrigan has always had her own agenda. Falcon will not be surprised to hear she is gone," Zevran interjected.

Ah, Anders thought as he relaxed back in his chair. He cared little for the bad-tempered witch though he knew the Commander had a history with her.

"I say leave 'em be. We all agreed to give Howe and the Falc' their space. If anyone deserved a few days of uninterrupted gratuitous sex it's the Commander," Oghren barked.

I did not agree, Anders thought with an inelegant snort.

"Surely someone has to interrupt eventually or we'll all be here 'till Santinilia," he muttered under his breath.

Suddenly all eyes were on him and Anders realized too late that he had vocalized that last thought. It was as if his fellow wardens had only just noted his presence and the looks they were giving him were anything but pleasant.

"What'd you do sparkles, run your face into a brick wall?" Oghren asked with a critical glare. Anders blushed but was saved from answering by the entrance of the one person he really didn't care to see.

"Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!" Sigrun chirped, a knowing smile wreathing her cherub face.

"Ah, the man of the hour. Good on ya' son," Oghren crowed as he raised his mug in salute.

"Not sure what I did to deserve such a greeting, but thank you?" Nate replied.

"Not what but who," Zevran replied with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Nathaniel rolled his eyes but didn't comment as he sat the table across from Anders, ignoring the mage as he loaded his plate with food.

"Done already, Howe? I thought you two would've been plowing the fields for another day or two," Oghren remarked before lowering his voice conspiratorially. "Is it to do with the legs? Because I always wondered what you tall folk do with the—"

"Her legs or what I do with them are none of your business, quite frankly," Nathaniel drawled.

"And where is our sumptuous Falcon this fine day?" Zevran asked, a devious smile gracing his lips.

"Right behind you," a familiar voice said as the Commander slipped into the seat next to Nathaniel. "What are we talking about?" she asked as he handed her a plate of food.

"Don't ask," Nate warned.

"Your sexual exploits of course," Sigrun helpfully supplied with a wide smile.

"I should've known," Alyx murmured.

"You know my dear Howe, should you be in need of some pointers to say…draw things out…I would be happy to share some of my extensive knowledge—"Zevran began.

"Or maybe ol' Falc here is a one trick pony, eh?" Oghren interjected.

"Excuse me?" Alyx sputtered, her eyes narrowing.

"Don't let her get away with it son. It's important for a woman to keep her man pleased," Oghren continued.

"Not any more important than it is for a man to give his woman pleasure, don't you agree? Or is that not a part of dwarven culture?" Nathaniel retorted as he leaned back against his chair with an arrogant air.

"Touche," Zevran murmured as Oghren grumbled into his mug. "It appears our girl is in capable hands," he added as he eyed Nathaniel with a measuring gaze. "Tell me, did you enjoy the bath oils? Because I have quite the supply should you find yourself in need—"

"Andraste's ass! Can we please change the subject?" Anders growled.

Nathaniel glanced over at him for the first time since he sat down and Anders seethed under the perusal of Howe's piercing silverite eyes. He didn't know what was more grating: knowing the cause of the remarkable calm that evened out the other man's normally tense posture or the pity he saw behind the steady gaze. Worse still was just seeing the way he and Alyx sat together, so casual yet with a mutual body language that spoke volumes about their intimacy.

Anders suddenly realized his breathing had become uneven and his fists were balled up so tightly on the table the knuckles had turned white. He knew this had been a bad idea.

"Anders—"

"Don't."

"What happened to your face?" she asked.

"I said don't," Anders growled as he jumped up from the table. "It's nothing, I—"he began, his fists pumping as he tried to control his seething emotions. The obvious concern and confusion in Alyx's wide cerulean eyes almost undid him. I have to get out of here. "I can't—I…"

Without another word Anders turned and stalked out of the dining hall, slamming the door behind him.

He walked the halls of the Vigil for a while, not really sure where he was going or what he was doing beyond stewing in his own anger. Eventually he ended up in the library which was blessedly empty, or so he thought. With a growl of frustration Anders kicked over a table full of books and sat heavily on the overstuffed couch by the cold hearth, placing his head in his hands. A shuffle of movement nearby made him snap his head up, eyes blazing until he saw a familiar figure step out of the shadows.

"Ah, Justice. I didn't know you were in here," he said.

"Do you wish me to leave?" the part spirit-part man asked in an even voice.

"No, no. Stay if you like," Anders replied nonchalantly.

"You are upset," Justice said matter-of-factually as he sat in a chair across from the mage.

"Yes," Anders replied thought he couldn't tell if the spirit meant it more as a question or statement.

"Because of the Commander and the thief mating together?"

Anders winced at Justice's choice in phrasing. "Uh, yeah…" he finally replied as he ran a hand over his disheveled hair.

"I do not know much about this love you mortals go on about, but what I do understand is that they chose each other. That she be with the one she wants—is that not the just thing to do?" Justice asked.

"Well, I guess if you put it that way…" Anders replied, scowling. "But that does not make it any easier to swallow. We do not get to choose who we love, Justice."

"So I have gathered," the spirit replied as he eyed the mage thoughtfully. "Perhaps what you need is to find something else to concentrate on."

"Such as?" Anders asked tiredly as he started picking at a thread on his sleeve.

"I understand you struggle against your oppression."

"I avoid my oppression. That's not quite the same thing, is it?" Anders snapped with half-hearted sarcasm.

"Why do you not strike a blow against your oppressors? Ensure they can do this to no one else."

"Because it sounds difficult?"

"Apathy is a weakness."

"So is death."

"I believe you have a responsibility to your fellow mages," Justice pressed. "You have seen oppression and are now free. You must act to free those who remained oppressed."

"Or I could mind my own business," Anders mumbled.

"But that is not right. You have an obligation—"

"Are you seriously suggesting I go up against the Chantry? Me alone? Against the entire Templar order?" Anders sputtered.

"It only took one to end the blight…"

"Actually two, and they had entire army backing them."

"Precisely," Justice said with a brief twist of the lips that could almost be mistaken for a fleeting smile. "If they could find allies, why could not you?"

At this Anders eyebrows shot up in surprise. He was speechless at how the conversation had turned, yet he could not deny the small flame deep inside of him that flickered to life at the idea.

"Just think about it mage," Justice said as he stood and walked out of the room, leaving Anders alone to contemplate his words.

"What happened to his face?" Alyx demanded of the table again after Anders had stormed out of the room.

"Bar fight," Zevran replied. "From what I heard he exchanged words with a couple of the patrons there which quickly dissolved into all out brawl. The bartender threw our dear mage out of the pub for starting the fight."

"Balls to the wall, eh?" Oghren grumbled.

Alyx sighed deeply, a deep sadness settling in at the news.

"This isn't getting better is it?" she said almost to herself.

"Worse if you ask me," Sigrun replied with a sigh of her own.

"I had hoped with time he would see reason and move on, but this…"

"I hate to say it Lex, but have you considered it might be better to let him go?" Nathaniel asked.

"Better for who precisely? Outside of the order he's an apostate. Not only that, but a deserter," Alyx replied bleakly. "I won't keep him from leaving if that's what he truly wants, but I cannot protect him from the Chantry or Weisshaupt if he chooses to leave."

"So you have considered," Nate said softly, squeezing her shoulder in support.

"Of course I have. I hate that I have caused him such pain. That 'us' simply leading our lives is a reminder to him every day of what he thinks could have been. I don't want him to leave but neither will I deny him if he asks it of me," Alyx replied.

"Has he? Asked, I mean," Nate asked gravely.

"Yes," Alyx said in almost a whisper. Nate's lips tightened at her words and she felt the pressure of his hand tighten briefly in response.

"Then he is more of a coward then I thought," he replied.

"Please don't quarrel with him, Nate. He has promised to stay until the current darkspawn issue is resolved. Besides, he has suffered enough," Alyx said.

"If he suffers it is by his own deeds, not by yours," Nate snapped. "Let him go, Lex. The Anders we knew isn't there anymore."

Alyx opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by the sound of the dining hall door banging open. Every head in the hall turned as Garavel hurried in, his boot heels ringing through the room as he hurried forward.

"Commander! Oh, thank the Maker, here you are—"the Captain sputtered, out of breath.

"Garavel, breathe and then tell me what's going on," Alyx said evenly.

"Dire reports from our scouts to the North, the darkspawn are on the move. My Lady, they're moving toward to the city. Towards Amaranthine."

"Well, break's over kids," Oghren stated.

*Author's Note: Hi All! I know it's been awhile and I can't apologize enough for how long it's been taking in between chapters. Some of these interlude Chapters right before the final battles have given me a bit of trouble (and also, having a demanding job doesn't help with time to actually sit don't and work it out, lol). Anyway, for any of you still following along…THANK YOU for your continued support of this story. Reviews do help a lot with the motivation, so if you have some thoughts and a couple of extra minutes please do leave me a note! Next up, to Amaranthine! Best, ~Prose

*Muse Tunes: "Hurts Like Hell" by Fleurie; "Pillars and Pyre" by Christopher Smith; "Light of the Seven" and "My Watch Has Ended" by Ramin Djawadi (Game of Thrones OST))