He wants him.
But he's not allowed to have him here. It's out of the question. He can't let it happen, not with Doug lying inches away from them both. He's learnt by now that the American's not a deep sleeper, and as much as it embarrasses him to admit it sometimes, he's not quiet when it comes to sex.
Not quiet at all, if what the comments that Brendan's made are anything to go by.
Ste fidgets under the covers. It's dark in here, and hot, and his face is so close to Brendan's that it wouldn't take much for him to lean over and kiss him.
That's if he was willing to break his own rules. Which he's not.
But fucking hell, is it tempting.
"Come on. I've been waiting all day for this." Brendan's grinning at him wolfishly.
He's loving every second of this, seems to enjoy getting Ste into trouble of the more sexual variety.
"You better put that thing away." Ste nods down at Brendan's cock.
That was a mistake. Looking at it has only drawn his attention to the size of it, the proportions, and how much Ste wants it inside him right now.
Brendan sees him looking, and his smile only widens.
"I mean it!" Ste hits him on the arm, then worries that the sound will alert Doug.
He peeks out from underneath the cover, and squints in the darkness. Someone must be on his side, because Doug's lying facing the wall, his back to them. And from the way he's breathing, Ste's pretty sure that he's already begun to fall asleep.
He returns to Brendan.
"We've got an hour left until the cell's locked. You've got to go." He finds it difficult to keep the regret from his tone. Brendan's not the only one who wanted it to be just the two of them.
"You're far too dressed for my liking, Steven."
"Aren't I always?"
"Point," Brendan concedes. "But particularly now."
Ste doesn't feel overdressed. His hands are covering his bare lap, and he tries uselessly to drag his t-shirt down lower to cover his cock and balls. It's not that he's shy like this, not now, not when he and Brendan are this familiar with each other. But he doesn't want him to get any ideas.
He suspects it's already too late for that.
"We can be quiet." Brendan's eyes are half mast as he stares down at Ste, making him feel increasingly on display. "Well, I can be quiet."
That earns him another shove, and Ste has to clamp a hand over Brendan's mouth as he laughs.
"Maybe we should just tell Doug that you're here."
Brendan's expression becomes serious. "With the way he hates me? I don't fancy another fight with the Yank."
"I bet you two could be best friends if you just sat down and talked," Ste teases, but he feels glad that this isn't going to become a reality anytime soon. The idea of Brendan being best friends with any man makes him feel uncomfortable.
"I have a better idea."
Ste's sure that he isn't going to like what this idea consists of, but he rises to the bait.
"What?"
Brendan leans in close, his hand braced on Ste's knee.
"Take off your clothes."
Ste's shaking his head in mirth. "You're..." He's not sure he has the words for exactly what Brendan is.
But he finds himself lifting his t-shirt off over his head, isn't sure if he even has control over his own hands. He'd meant to put a stop to this when Doug had come in, but it's hard to remember about being rational when Brendan's gaze on him is as magnetic as it is.
When Ste reveals his bare torso he sees Brendan suck in a breath, and it's the reward he needed. It's enough to know that he can have this effect on a man who looks like he was carved by Gods.
He feels like they're a couple of kids who have built a fort under the covers, albeit far more naked than he ever was with boys when he was that age. Ste wonders whether Brendan ever got to do that when he was younger, or if everything was marred by what Seamus did to him. Perhaps he never got to be a child at all.
"Happy now?"
"No." Brendan says, mouth sulky. If Ste didn't know any better he'd suspect him of trying to do an imitation of him.
"Why not?" He asks with a sigh, feeling like he already knows the answer.
"Because now I've got you naked, and you're still not touching me. I'm in an even worse position than before."
Ste at least admires him for managing to say all of this with a straight face, looking like Ste's scarred him in some way. Scarred him by not being close enough.
"I am touching you!" He argues, pointing to their legs, which are faintly pressing against each other.
Brendan rolls his eyes to the ceiling. "That doesn't count."
Ste crosses his arms, hiding his nipples. He's playing dirty, covering more of his body from Brendan. His favourite parts.
"I told you, I'm not going to -"
Brendan holds up his hand, making a talking gesture with it. "Too much of this, Steven."
Ste has the strong desire to push him off the bed.
Before he can stop himself, he settles for an aggressive kiss instead, shocking the older man into making a disgruntled sound. It doesn't take long for Brendan's hands to settle in his hair though, and to pull Ste closer towards him eagerly.
It was a mistake to kiss him. The taste and warmth and sensation is addictive, and instead of moving away from Brendan, Ste merely lowers them both down onto the pillow, making sure that the cover's still spread over their colliding bodies.
They stay like this until he manages to pull away.
"You're extremely persuasive."
"So I've been told," Brendan says in satisfaction.
"If I agree to this, then..."
"Wait a second." Brendan props himself up by the elbows, staring at him in wonderment. "If? So you're contemplating it?"
Ste chews on his lip, still unsure. He's almost certain that Doug's asleep now, the way he's always able to be about ten seconds after his head hits the pillow. They're running out of time before Brendan has to return to his cell and the door's locked, and a whole night spent without him isn't something that Ste wants to think about.
"Like I was saying, if I agree to this...we both have to find some way of not waking Doug."
Brendan stares around for a moment, looking like he's pondering something. Then he reaches a hand down, out from underneath the cover, and picks up something on the floor.
Ste stares at him curiously, and is none the wiser when he produces a napkin which he'd taken from cookery class earlier.
"I haven't got something on my face, have I?"
Brendan chuckles under his breath. "I was thinking, seeing as how you don't want to make any noise..."
Ste's eyes widen. "This is for me?" He doesn't know whether Brendan deserves a smack over the head for suggesting it.
"You've never used one before?"
"No!" He says, flaring up. He can admit to liking the way Brendan controls him in bed, but he thinks a gag might be a step too far.
The calmness of Brendan's suggestion makes Ste suspicious.
"Have you used one before?"
"Not on myself, no." He sounds insulted by the idea.
"On who then?" Ste barks out, mentally scrolling through the names of the men that he know Brendan's been with. He wonders if it was Vincent, or Walker. Or both. Or someone who Ste's yet to hear of, because Brendan knows how to get around.
But he suspects it's the kind of thing that one man he knows would do. A man who seems to like everything that could possibly be surprised as kinky.
"It was Simon, wasn't it?"
Brendan's silence is the confirmation that Ste needs.
"Let me guess, you two did roleplay and were cops and robbers? Handcuffs and everything?" He asks, feels like acid's contorting his voice.
Brendan fidgets below him.
"Brendan!"
"I never said anything!"
"You never had to." Ste wonders if Brendan expects him to compete with that, if he wants him to dress up in a policeman's outfit. He inwardly curses himself when he begins to think of ways of asking Ethan if he still has his old uniform. He's an idiot for considering it.
"We didn't do the roleplay, okay?"
"Just the handcuffs?"
Ste presumes that it must have been Walker who was in them. He can't imagine Brendan willingly submitting like that. He's wondering where on earth they even managed to get a pair of handcuffs and a key from in the first place. They may be in a prison, but it's hard to imagine one of the guards leaving one idly behind on a table.
"Steven, I really don't want to be talking about me and Walker right now. Or ever, for that matter. I only suggested this because you wanted to stay quiet, and we both know you're never able to do that..." Brendan looks like he's trying to hold back a laugh.
Ste stares at the napkin, wondering whether to give in or not. He'd always hated being blindfolded at parties when he was younger, especially when the other children had laughed at him for walking into furniture.
But this is different. He'll still be able to see, and that comforts him somewhat.
He slowly nods, and holds out a hand for the napkin. He feels faintly ridiculous when he ties it around his mouth, Brendan's eyes on him the entire time.
It's not as bad as he thought it would be though. The material's soft, so he's not getting the scratchy sensation that he was fearing. He doesn't tie it too tightly, just enough so that if he tries to talk it's muffled, inaudible.
He can't help a thrill going through him when he sees Brendan looking at him with dark eyes. He looks like he's soaking this in, capturing it to memory. Ste can't see why, thinks he must look highly amusing, but in the Irishman's eyes he could be something entirely different. Something special.
Ste quickly slides the napkin down his chin, and Brendan looks frustrated, as though he thinks Ste's going back on their agreement.
"Imagine if Doug sees us though." He hasn't managed to get the worry out of his mind yet.
"Maybe he'll learn a thing or two."
"I hope he doesn't do to Lynsey what we do," Ste says, nose crinkling. "He'd probably end up hurting her." He can't help but be slightly smug at the thought of everything that Brendan does to him, how they seem powerful when they're together.
"Can we stop talking about this, please?"
"Why?"
"Sex between a man and a woman kind of creeps me out."
Ste laughs at him disbelievingly, leaning forward and touching his finger over the tip of Brendan's nose, like he sometimes does with Lucas. "Aww, brings back bad memories does it?"
"Something like that." Brendan looks like he's trying to hold back a shudder.
It's amazing to see Brendan like this. It feels like he's accepting a part of himself, the part that isn't so conventional. He's not being the ex husband or the father, or the intimidator. Ste almost dares to believe that he's come to the conclusion that it's okay to be who he is. Gay, and in a gay relationship.
He places the napkin back around his mouth and secures it, feeling more confident this time. It's hard to feel anxious when Brendan seems to have this much belief in him.
Brendan moves until he's got out from underneath him, and Ste's on his back on the mattress. It's difficult to not be able to kiss him, and he keeps on trying to follow his instincts, getting his face closer to Brendan's, so incredibly used to sliding their tongues together by now that it feels unnatural not to.
Brendan tries to make it up to him in other ways. He kisses him in other areas, his lips fluttering over Ste's collar bone and shoulders, warming him up. Ste's sure that if Doug awoke now and looked over at the bed, he'd see two bodies moving frantically under the covers, the intensity of it making it appear as though they're wrestling.
He hopes that Doug's busy dreaming of his release, and is kept asleep by thoughts of Lynsey. He's not in the mood to be interrupted from this, not now that he's agreed to it and he can feel Brendan's cock rubbing against him vividly, making the hair's on Ste's neck and arms stand up.
"Put your legs on my shoulders." Even though Brendan's whispering Ste can still hear the lust thickening his voice, making his accent even more pronounced. He doesn't think he's ever heard something so sexy.
Ste complies, startling himself with how flexible he can be. This is a world away from the drunken fucks he used to have in clubs. It's intimate to be exposing himself like this. It's a reminder of how much he trusts Brendan, how when he settles his legs around him, hooking his ankles behind his back, he feels safe. Like the man before him isn't going to judge him or hurt him.
Brendan strokes his hands down the hair on Ste's thighs, and surveys the boy before him, a smile on his lips. He positions Ste so that he can dip his head down, and is able to have access to his entrance.
Ste feels anticipation in his bones for what's about to come. He hopes that he secured the napkin adequately enough, because he can already feel a shout wanting to escape from his lips. He's holding back a groan, wishing he could tell Brendan to tongue him, to grasp his arse cheeks firmly and explore him.
It's tempting to forgo this entirely and ask Brendan to fuck him now, but he knows that he'll regret it if he does, can already imagine the pain that could occur from Brendan driving into him when he's this tight.
It's not the first time that Brendan seems to read his mind. Or perhaps he doesn't, perhaps he wants this as fiercely as Ste does, and he can't withstand the wait.
He maneuverers Ste so that he feels like he's about to do a backwards roll, but stops his legs from going over his head, holding him in position with his strong hands. Ste can tell from his current expression and his actions in the past that he has a penchant for rimming. Every time that he focuses on Ste's hole his eyes glaze over, and his pupils enlarge, salvia gleaming behind his lips.
He looks animalistic. It would be intimidating if Ste doesn't want him so much.
"I wonder if you can be quiet with this," he says curiously, pressing a finger against Ste's hole.
Ste nods his head, determined to rise to the challenge.
"I'm not so sure." He presses harder, his finger smooth and ticklish against the muscle. "You've never been able to be before."
Ste feels vaguely insulted, although he can't completely deny Brendan's words.
"Only one way to find out..."
Brendan lowers his head, and Ste regards him under his lashes, watching as he tongue peeks out from his lips and dips into the crevice of Ste's hole.
He doesn't even attempt to be gentle or teasing.
Ste's not sure whether it's because they've got limited time here, or whether Brendan just wants him this much.
It's addictive to watch him while he's doing this. He feels like he's got the best view in the world, and he stares down at Brendan while he eats him out, the sight of his head moving back and forth more arousing than he could have believed possible. It's a relatively simple action, but it makes Ste get harder, makes him reach for his cock and begin to stroke it in time with Brendan's licks inside his hole.
When Brendan breaks off momentarily and stares up at him, his skin is flushed and his lips look redder somehow, rubbed raw.
He looks impossibly sexy, and if Ste could speak right now then he'd tell him so.
"Looks like you've already fallen at the first hurdle."
Shit. He'd barely been aware of the groans that were escaping from his mouth. Brendan has the ability to do this to him, make him feel impossibly weak and impossibly strong at the same time. Like he has no control over his own body, but he still feels powerful because of the effect he has on this man, this man who he loves.
Brendan kisses him on his forehead and resumes his position, leaning against the mattress on his knees. Ste's legs are beginning to ache the smallest amount from where he's situated, but the benefits are worth it. More than worth it.
Brendan's actions are relentless, and he barely pauses for breath while he licks Ste. His thighs are being held in a vice iron grip, and Ste feels faintly embarrassed at how much he's sweating, not knowing whether it's from being under the covers like this, or because of what Brendan's doing to him.
His hold on his cock is becoming slack, his movements uncoordinated. The napkin feels like it's becoming obscenely drenched in the moisture from his mouth. It's difficult to thrust closer towards Brendan's lips from where he's lying, but he gives it his best shot, not an inch of space between where they're joined now.
Brendan draws back, admiring his own handiwork, head tilted to the side. He spreads Ste's arse cheeks apart, and Ste feels a rising blush spreading across him. He's never had anyone look at him quite like this before.
"I think that should do it," Brendan murmurs, more to himself than to Ste.
"What does it look like?" Ste can't help but ask, but it comes out as a mumble against the gag, Brendan laughing at the inaudibility of his words.
He watches as Brendan reaches for a condom from beside him. Ste's grateful that all of them ended up underneath the covers with him. It would have taken some explaining if Doug had discovered a pile of Durex wrappers surrounding Ste's bed.
Brendan tears the wrapper off with his teeth. Ste wants to ask if that's safe, if he risks ripping the condom too, but he sees that it's intact. Call it Brendan's party trick.
He offers it to Ste to slide it over his dick, but he gets distracted. Instead of sheathing Brendan up straight away he concentrates on stroking his hand down him. There's no real need to, he's incredibly hard already, but this is Ste's favourite part of Brendan's anatomy, and he thinks it deserves a reward of sorts.
When he's had his fill of body worship, he puts the condom over Brendan's dick, and settles back onto the pillow once more. It's an invitation for Brendan to begin that first initial push into him.
Brendan puts his hands on either side of the pillow, and rubs his cock against Ste's entrance. He seems to be doing it to deliberately tempt him rather than to prepare him. Ste's frustration rises. He can't call out, can't tell Brendan to stop with the games, that he wants to get fucked.
Brendan seems to get some satisfaction from his face, sees the desperation there, and very slowly inserts his dick inside him.
Ste's scared that even with a gag Doug won't be able to sleep through this.
Brendan begins gradually, with the smallest of thrusts, deliciously building up the tension inside them both. Ste's bent in half so acutely that Brendan could put his toes to his lips if he was that way inclined.
He closes his eyes when it becomes too much, when the head of Brendan's cock rubs inside him repeatedly, and he feels like his body's about to break.
Brendan doesn't want him to miss any of this though.
"Open your eyes."
When Ste does, he stares back into a sea of blue. Unable to communicate to the full extent that he would like, he pulls Brendan closer towards him, clawing at his back, and he kisses his eyelashes, a gesture that is usually reserved for Brendan to do to him.
"What was that for?" Brendan asks, eyebrows raised.
Ste motions for him to take the napkin away from him, feels that he needs to say this, and Brendan needs to hear it.
Brendan relents, and there's confusion on his face when he stares at Ste.
It disappears with his words.
"I love you."
That's what that kiss was for. Nothing deeper than the simple fact that he loves him. Now that he's said it once he can't seem to stop it from spilling from his mouth. It feels like the truest thing he's ever spoken.
Brendan stops in his movements inside Ste's arse. He blinks, and his face is unreadable. Ste worries for a second that he's gone too far, that just because Brendan accepted the declaration once, it doesn't meant that he will again.
But after a moment Brendan places a hand on Ste's face, smoothing a thumb against his cheek.
He looks uncertain, but he's still here, and that's what matters to Ste. As hurtful as it is that Brendan hasn't yet returned his words, he's not expecting them. He has enough intuition to know that he isn't the kind of man who's comfortable with saying I love you. Ste wonders if he's ever said those words to another man in his entire life.
He wonders if he'll be the first, if it ever happens one day.
"Steven, I..."
Ste feels a chill run through him, but he's not scared. He wonders if this is it, if it's truly going to happen.
Brendan swallows, his Adam's apple looking tight and strained.
"You know I care about you. You know that you're the only person that I've ever..."
When Brendan's unable to finish Ste feels disappointment in his gut, but he breathes through it. He refuses to get angry at Brendan about this. He doesn't owe him those words, and Ste needs him too much to let go because he's not hearing them.
He silences Brendan with a kiss, the brush of stubble against his upper lip, and then eases the napkin over his mouth once more. He wonders whether he should discard it completely, but when Brendan begins to move inside him again he's grateful that he has something to muffle the noises he's making.
Brendan's lips are attached to his neck, and he's sucking against the skin there while he thrusts. It feels like he's going to draw blood there, but Ste doesn't care. He likes it.
Ste feels like there's only one thing reverberating in his head, I'm going to come, and he focuses everything on holding out, on waiting till Brendan's right there with him. He can sense when he's close by the way that the older man's hips are moving erratically. He smiles against the gag when he thinks that it's a shame there weren't two napkins, because Brendan's grunts and swears are almost as bad as his own usually are.
When Ste reaches for his cock Brendan slaps his hand away, and instead clasps it in his palm. It makes him feel hot all over, the roughness and the desire there. Being shown who leads things here, who dominates.
When they both come Brendan takes off the gag, and kisses him. It feels like they're both screaming into each others mouths, any attempt to be completely silent abandoned. They should have known it was a futile battle, one they'd never win.
It's only when Brendan's collapsed on top of him, a hot sticky mess panting on his shoulder, that they hear the sound of a throat clearing.
The source of the noise sounds incredibly pissed off, and it causes Brendan to snicker into Ste's skin like a scolded child who's been caught stealing sweets.
Ste winces internally. This is the second time that they've been caught. He's grateful that it's not Walker again, otherwise the cover would have been pulled off from on top of them, their naked forms revealed.
But the person who's standing before them is going to have judgement in their eyes. Ste knows it without even having to look.
"I can see you, you know." Doug's voice is loud, unmistakably angry.
His words are technically untrue. Ste looks down and sees that neither of their bodies are on display, with not even a single leg or foot poking through the covers.
But he thinks he understands what the American means. It doesn't take a genius to work out what they're doing.
"Stay here," Ste says to Brendan, not entirely sure why he's still whispering when their cover's been blown.
He reveals just his head from underneath the sheet. He hadn't even noticed that Doug had put on the light, and he can see every frown and line of frustration on his friend's face.
"Sorry." It's all he can think of to say.
"I'm trying to get some sleep over here, and then I hear you two..." Doug lets out a shudder. "I could understand if you were keeping the noise down, but you didn't even try."
Ste can't help but feel irritated by this. He was trying pretty damn hard, actually. The wetted napkin lying on the sheet is testament to that.
"We don't share a cell together anymore see, and well..." He trails off, realising how incredibly pathetic this sounds. He's reluctant to spell it out for Doug, to explain that he feels unable to go more than a day without fucking Brendan now.
"What if I had seen something? What if I had seen a..." Doug lowers his voice then. "A penis." He says it like it's black magic, witchcraft.
Ste can hear Brendan laughing from underneath the covers, and jabs him with his foot. It's not enough to stop him though, and before he can do anything Brendan's face is next to his, just about managing to shield his chest.
Ste moves to cover it even more. He doesn't want anyone else to see Brendan's body, knows that it's strange and possessive, but he can't understand how anyone could not fall in love with him if they saw it.
Doug looks decidedly unimpressed though.
"You might find you enjoy it, Dougie," Brendan says with a smirk.
"You just make sure that you keep your...thing away from me." Doug turns to the side, making sure that he doesn't have the full view.
"Steven doesn't seem to mind it..."
"Brendan!" Ste tries to do his best intimidating glare at Brendan, but he's sure that it comes out looking as scary as a kitten.
"Whatever," Doug says dismissively, closing his eyes now. "Just please leave. I don't need to be hearing that again. Ever."
Brendan snorts, and Ste watches as he removes the condom, ties it up and throws it towards the bin. He's relieved when it lands there. He doesn't particularly want Doug staring over at it, further evidence of what they've just done.
"Turn around, Douglas."
"No you know what, I'll give you two some privacy. I'll be back in five minutes." Doug runs out of the cell in his pajamas as fast as his legs will carry him.
Once he's gone Ste turns to Brendan, eyes blazing.
"Did you have to do that?"
"What?" Brendan says, faking innocence.
"Telling him that I like your...cock," Ste says, in a hushed whisper.
Brendan frowns. "Did you want me to lie to the kid? Are you advocating lying, Steven?"
Ste shakes his head angrily. Brendan's a master at this, at somehow making him feel like he's the one being unreasonable.
"Lets just get dressed before he comes back."
Ste gets out of the bed, untangling himself from Brendan. His movement causes the untouched condom wrappers to fall to the floor, and he's aware of how seedy this looks.
He's also aware that he'd very much like to use all of them. Now.
"Thank God we managed to finish before he interrupted," Brendan says, eyes dancing.
Ste can't argue with that. He would have had to stop himself from kicking Doug out of the room if that had happened.
Instead he feels sated, the ache in his muscles satisfying. He massages his shoulders, watching as Brendan's feet pad along the floor while he reaches for his trousers. Ste's disappointed to note that his cock's not as hard anymore, then curses himself for having that on his mind all the time.
It's taking a while to get used to, this feeling of never being able to have enough of someone.
"I thought you wanted us to get dressed?" Brendan questions, Ste still completely naked.
Ste mumbles, oh yeah, I do, then begins to reach for his pajamas, feeling dazed. When Brendan's dressed he picks up the condoms from the floor, hastily stuffing them into his pocket. He doesn't need to vocalise that they'll be using them all soon. They both know.
Brendan pulls Ste towards him by the material of his t-shirt, capturing him in a kiss before he can refuse.
He finds he doesn't want to. Brendan's lips are soft, and it makes Ste feel hot all over to think where they've been tonight. Where they've been on him.
"Sweet dreams, Steven," he murmurs, close to his mouth.
Ste laughs. Brendan's words surprise him. They sound like something a boyfriend would say, but he doesn't tell him this. He wouldn't dare risk it. He's still working out exactly what this thing between them is.
"You too," Ste returns, fondness peppering his voice, and his hands begin to snake towards Brendan's back. Brendan doesn't try to pull him away, doesn't try to stop him, and it encourages him to move closer to the older man's body. He envelopes him into a hug, and closes his eyes.
He's not used to hugging men like this. It's not something that he makes a habit of, isn't something he grew up doing. Terry preferred beating him to hugging him, and Ste never would have tried to begin with, would have made him feel ill to even contemplate being that close to someone so destructive and hateful.
But with Brendan it feels comforting. It surprises him how long they stand there, unmoving. He can feel the Irishman's fingers gently stroking his hair, and he wonders if Brendan's drawing strength from this as much as he is.
When they draw apart Ste wants to ask him to stay. He's not ready to say goodbye yet, even if it's only for the night. He's beginning to realise the full implications of what he's doing here with this man, how he's dangerously in love with him. He's never felt like this before, never craved someone like he physically needs them.
If Brendan ended things between them now then Ste thinks he'd fall apart. It would be different to the first time when Brendan moved out and left him. This knowledge is crippling, because he still fears the separation.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Brendan nods, humming in his throat. "Don't let Douglas give you any grief, will you? Tell him to grow a set of balls."
Ste rolls his eyes, showing Brendan to the door. He's still reluctant to be without him again though, and can't resist a parting kiss before he shuts it behind him.
He's sure that Doug's hiding away in a corner somewhere watching, because he comes back the moment that Brendan's gone. He scans the room like he's looking for a stray sock or pair of boxers, then lets out a small sigh when the coast is clear.
"I really am sorry about that," Ste says, full of discomfort. Doug and Brendan's argument in the canteen is still fresh in his mind, and he's aware that the dislike between them is more intense than ever. "It's just that we don't share a room anymore, and it's kind of hard to find some time alone," he explains, feeling like he's digging himself a deeper hole.
Doug's anger seems to dissipate though. "It's alright, I understand. I'm not saying I want to be woken by Brendan saying fuck, Steven every night, but me and Lynsey don't exactly find it easy to have some private time either."
Ste tries to ignore Doug's impression of Brendan, and climbs into bed, the sheets still warm. He feels something tickling his leg, and pulls out the napkin from underneath, smiling at it before placing it in the drawer.
"I know you hate him." He sees no point in avoiding the elephant in the room. "And I do understand why. I hated him for a while. Or at least I tried to."
"You don't have to worry." Doug settles into his own bed. "I'm not going to try and cause any trouble. All I'm focusing on now is my release date, and moving in with Lynsey."
The mention of this only serves as a reminder of Ste's own upcoming release. It stirs something within him, forms a knot in his stomach. It's not normal to not want to be free from prison. He should be counting down the days.
He thinks that there's a spark of understanding in Doug's face, because he doesn't mention it again.
When he switches off the light once more, Ste tries to fall asleep and remove the images of Brendan on top of him from his mind, otherwise he thinks he'll be awake the whole night.
A voice interrupts his vain attempts.
"Just please make sure that I never see Brendan's penis."
Ste smiles, turning to face the wall. "I can promise you that."
Brendan manages to get back to his cell ten minutes before it's locked.
Ethan's sitting in bed, watching television when he enters the room. He barely looks up when he sees Brendan. They've reached an understanding, have learnt how to live with each other. As annoying as Ethan finds it to be woken by the booming sound of Johnny Cash and the thud of press ups, they don't often have disagreements.
Brendan finds he's constantly grateful for the fact that he didn't have to move in with Walker or Douglas. He's been relatively lucky in comparison.
Brendan moves the condoms from his pocket into the draw. He's sure that Walker will notice the dent in his supply, but it's the least of his worries. The man deserves it for what he did, deserves a whole lot worse, but he's not going to be the one to seek revenge.
Those days are behind him. He'll only hit out if someone hurts Steven now.
When he sits down on his bed, Ethan at last looks up.
"Your flies open, Brady."
Brendan stares down at where he's looking, and quickly does his zip up. It hadn't been high on his list of priorities. He'd been too busy enjoying Steven's arms around him, and the taste of his lips.
He regards Ethan, questions infiltrating his mind.
"I suppose you think the same as Dougie boy, don't you? That I should leave Steven alone."
He doesn't truly care what anyone thinks, but he's curious nonetheless. He's never been sure exactly what Ethan thinks of him, especially being an ex copper.
The man's answer is almost immediate.
"No. I like Doug, but he can be...sensitive. Too much sometimes. Ste seems like a nice lad, but it's none of my business what you two get up to."
Brendan feels a strange amount of respect springing up in him for Ethan. It's refreshing to have someone in his life who isn't trying to paint him as the villain, and Steven as his unwilling victim.
"Thank you." It's rare that he thanks anyone, but he reckons this man deserves it, for not jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst.
"No, thank you."
Brendan stares at him in confusion, unable to understand the meaning behind Ethan's words.
"For what you did to Warren," Ethan explains, looking down at the floor, suddenly uncharacteristically shy.
Brendan's body becomes stiff, rigid.
"I didn't do anything to Foxy." If he doesn't admit his guilt then he can't be charged for anything. At least in theory, although he's well aware that that hasn't helped him so far, that it's landed him where he is today.
Ethan surprises him by not accusing him further. They both know that Brendan's responsible. There's been rivalry in the past between Walker and Warren, but they're largely indifferent to each other. Warren and Brendan have always hated each other.
"I thought..." Ethan's quiet when he speaks again. "I thought that it would never stop. What he was doing to me. I thought I'd spent the rest of my life being raped.'
Brendan closes his eyes, but then remembers that he's not allowed to get lost like this. If he shows his weakness then Ethan could find out, and he can't allow anyone but Steven to know.
"You saved me."
Brendan opens his mouth to argue against this, but Ethan interrupts.
"You gave me my life back. I'm free. As free as I can be in this place." The man sounds both joyous and tearful, doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. "And that's all thanks to you."
Brendan thinks about denying it again, but doesn't want to insult Ethan's intelligence. He can tell that the man doesn't wish him any harm, and genuinely just wants to thank him. He never thought that he'd receive praise for putting someone in a coma.
He doesn't reply, can't risk admitting to his guilt, but his silence seems to satisfy Ethan, and when they switch off the light and go to sleep, Brendan feels like they've shared something. They've both been degraded and damaged by someone, but they've made it through. They've survived.
When Brendan wakes up the next morning he finds an officer in the cell, staring at Ethan in concern. He thinks he knows what's happened, and dread spikes through him.
When Ethan pukes his guts out in the bucket and starts to cry silently, he's sure of it.
Warren's woken up.