Black Velvet
Chapter 30- ... And Burn
R-M
So, as you may or may not have noticed the last two chapter titles, plus this one... "MATCH STICK," "FLAME," & "AND BURN." This trio of chapters set a precedence for the end of an Era for Bonnie and Damon. "MATCH STICK" was lighting a bit of a fire under Bonnie and Damon. "FLAME" was obvious, we know what Bonnie and Damon are capable of when they come together. (ALL Pun intended-FULL DISCLOSURE lol) This being the final chapter of that Era... "AND BURN" meaning, in order for anything to be rebuilt, it has to be burned down. With that being said, Plz Enjoy this chapter!
"How does it feel to call her "wife" now?"
"You know, it feels slightly different. It's like, there's a certainty now. Granted," he stated calmly, "anything can happen between now and my death. But somehow, it solidifies the bond we already created."
Damon sipped Bourbon, and stood with his friend, watching Kat mingle with guests, and become elaborately expressive about her appreciation for her diamond ring. Same setting as her engagement ring. They were actually a set. But she wore the wedding ring only for now. She'll have to get her engagement ring resized and soldered to the wedding ring. But never less. She was being very discreet about the platinum band.
"So, it feels different, than the former bond?" He asked with serious contemplative thoughts.
"Well, not entirely. But actually, like a step further than before. I mean, let's be logical, it's only a piece of paper by law. But the soul, feels differently with the ceremonial engagement. The soul feels very connected. Not only do I feel this possession of her, but I feel, like my soul is belongs to her. She owns me Damon. This psychotic women, owns the deepest part of me."
"Wow." The blue-eyed devil glanced at his brown-eyed friend. "That's beautiful Eli. Congrats. If anyone deserves it, its you."
"You too Damon. But you have to truly believe you deserve love, and happiness. You have to truly believe, it is yours to have, and cherish. If you don't believe it, how will she?"
"Eli... I'm not meant to have it. Because, apparently, I don't know how to handle it."
"That woman, in the literal sense, is not your property." Elijah engaged, intellectually for a moment, with his best friend. "You see, our sexual and primitive nature tells us that, this woman is mine. It is because we claim that need for feeling dominant. And inside of us, this deep need to be dominant takes over. But, to really dominate, is to submit. You become hers."
"Eli, I know all of this. What are you getting at?"
"No, you see... Katerina, is my submissive. I control this lustful behavior, we created. She allows this, because she chooses not to be dominant sexually. You see, when she cheated on me, I took the understanding that she was beginning to question her submissive state, she was feeling less than. She was feeling inadequate. We spoke of this. I thought she was being selfish when she cheated, but really, it was my fault as well. People don't understand this, but she is mine, and it is my job to understand her. So, we took time apart. I allowed her the opportunity to find herself. Because, she admitted to me, my expectations of her were too high. I expected her to be perfect, and without flaw. I wanted perfection from her. She felt I was taking everything that made her, uniquely who she is, by demanding more than I was giving myself. And it takes a toll on the mind. She was correct. Feeling inadequate, is everything I never wanted. So, when we got back together, I was more conscious of what she needed. And I, stopped expecting perfection from her, and just reminded her of how everything she was was everything I needed, and nothing more. I had to make her believe she was enough, and that I didn't doubt her. I had to fix, the way I made Katerina feel inadequate."
"I see. So you blame yourself for her cheating?"
"Not fully. She's a grown woman who made the conscious choice to cheat. But... I took responsibility in the part I played. As any adult should. As two adults, we see it for what it is and made the effort together, to move on."
"I get it."
"Now, Bonnie feels inadequate. You were take, take, taking. You took control sexually. You took and fed, off of her emotionally. You were so starved emotionally yourself, and it's not your fault. Your parents played a huge role in this. But while it helped you become an amazing therapist, being able to remove emotions when dealing with patients, and to be objective, and help from a place of concise theory, perspective, and intellect, it hindered you in your personal life. Especially romantically. But you messed up, in where, Bonnie wasn't a patient, and she was willing to give you everything emotionally to sate you. This is how much she loved you. But, you took advantage, because you'd never felt such dedication, such love, such nurture. And you continued to feed, draining her of the reason to hold on. Because as she gave you fed, and you did not pour yourself back into her, the way she did to you emotionally. It clicked inside of her, that she'd been through that once. With Kolson."
Damon felt a hit to his ego being compared to Kol. "Wow."
"But you know, I know, you are nothing like him, in terms of the way you love her. But, the feeling she got, allowed her to pull away from the sex, and the desire, and operate off what she was being fed emotionally. And that is when she felt betrayed, because while you fed her mentally and sexually, her emotions, were what she needed the most catered to. You understand?"
"I do." He spoke little, but opened his ears. The therapist in him, was an observant listener.
"This woman, is rationalizing her emotions now. Without you controlling them. You have to let her inside of here, Damon." Elijah put his two fingers to his best friend's temple. "You have to let her inside of here, and then focus that, on letting her feed from your emotions."
"Eli, I don't have it to give."
"You do."
"No. I feel so empty in there somedays. Especially without her."
"Tell me this, when you are with her, do you feel those emotions building inside of you?"
"Of course. I feel so much emotion, inside because of her, that, I immediately felt the emptiness when she left me."
"Well then ask yourself this, Damon... what are you willing to give up, to get that back?"
"Anything."
"Even control?"
"Sure, I guess." He said doubtedly.
"You cannot guess. You have to be sure. Because the only way to get that woman back, is to throw out the text books. The clinical experience. You're not a psychologist in these moments. You're a man, in love. Let her inside of your head, and feed her the emotions she brings out of you. Give her the one thing you never allow yourself to let go of."
"Control."
"Indeed. Show her, you trust her, with the deepest part of you."
"When she is sober, she wants nothing to do with me."
"So far from the truth. When you got here, and before you got here, I felt it in her eyes. She felt emptiness. Then this sparkle lit inside of her once you showed up. And she looked at you the way a woman deeply in love looks at a man. She is yours Damon. But... my friend, you have to believe that. And trust that. No matter who she is with, you have to know she is yours. And over time, she will come to see she always has been yours. Who cares about this fellow. He's temporary. But let her see it herself. You can't force him away. Give her the chance and trust Bonnie to make the right choice.
"There you are lover. I've been taking pictures with everyone, and haven't seen you since our dance." A slender body made its way to them.
"Katerina, mi amor." His face softened into a wide smile, and he grabbed her lovingly, offering the slightest kiss just below her earlobe, then whispered something into her ear making her grin.
"Naughty little man."
"Little?"
She gave him a suggestive look and smiled looking away, feeling his hand cup and squeeze her ass. "So, Damon, your date... is your submissive?"
"Kat... do you really have to ask?"
"I suppose not. She's just, so, new. And she is very wide-eyed. Thought you'd never take another baby-sub after Bonnie."
"She's not a baby. She's had a couple Doms. Just not, of my particular nature."
"I would say the caliber in which you operate, I'm certainly shocked you don't just operate full time."
"Because, I don't want a live in submissive, whose my girlfriend. I need my space."
"And if Bonnie ever agreed to move in with you, and give you that caliber of control, would you want that? What Elijah and I will soon have."
Damon smirked. He didn't say anything, just smirked.
Kat smiled back at him. "That's exactly what the fuck I thought."
"I actually can't understand, how Elijah lets you talk like that."
"He loves it. The same way that I love he talks like a proper school boy. We just go together this way. Don't let Elijah's prim English lifestyle fool you Damon. He loves this raunchy American girl. He loves that I'm a bitch. And he loves that I'm blunt."
Elijah blushed, in a way he didn't do often. Damon caught him, started to laugh. "I know. You are the epitome of Elijah's desires. He's marrying his dream."
"Is he lying?" She turned and asked her husband.
"It couldn't be the furthest from a lie. Damon's well aware of the things I like."
"Do you two have pillow talk about me?"
"Listen, we are men. We do not gossip, or do the whole, giddy thing, that ladies are accustomed to with their close friends. But he is my friend. We are both active, and serious dominant men. Of course we are honest about the subject of women. A real man can be honest with his closest friend, about his lady. And also offer sound advice," he looked at Damon, about their conversation just minutes ago, "as men, we need that voice of reason. And believe it or not, Damon has been mine more often than not."
"Well, Damon, I appreciate that he has you. And I would like to thank you for being the one man, that my man can count on anytime."
"Don't thank me. He's like a brother to me. And you make him happy. And I'm happy for you both."
The two smiled at him, and looked at one another, then kissed. It was very obvious these two were meant for one another. Anyone looking on can see the deep rooted love between them. Whether it lasted for ever or for the time being, nothing was coming between them. Damon hugged them both and excused himself. That's when he noticed Bonnie and her date on the dance floor. He was stopped in his tracks.
...
Kai held Bonnie in his arm, and held the other hand in his own. They danced to a country song, that was requested. Bonnie didn't listen to much country music. Having grown up in Oakland, California, she was raised on RnB, blues, jazz, and hip hop. But she had an affinity for Sade, Miles Davis, Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, and Billie holiday. These were her soft spots. But everything else, she could appreciate. So, at a moment of dancing to a country song, Kai lead her foot by foot to dance. "This is crazy. I have never done this?"
"Done what? Country dancing?"
"Yes. It's foreign to me. Who requested this?" She laughed looking around, wondering who of their friends liked country.
"Who cares? All that matters, is it's just you and I, and that guy... dancing. Which means everyone's watching us, be silly. It's kind of romantic."
"Ugh. It's hard not to find you adorable." Just as the beat changed, kissed her cheek, and spun her out, and around, pulled her back in and dipped her before more two stepping. "Oh hell, Kai. You're too good at this." She laughed, following his lead. It wasn't long before they were interrupted by her parents.
"Sweetie. Wow. Who is-"
"My friend, mom. Kai, this is my mother and father. Mom and dad, this is Kai." Bonnie was uninterested in introducing her parents to Kai, after what happened to Damon. And Damon, was still an elusively sensitive head and heart space for her to deal with when it came to her parents.
"I'm honestly, pleasantly surprised." Abby said snidely. Even if Kai made Bonnie feel the same way just seconds ago.
"Are you? Because technically, I am still married. And I was sure you had an issue with... hmmm, I don't know, my whole life! By the way, Kai knows I'm married too, mom, so..."
Kai looked between the two confused, and was interrupted from getting ready to greet her parents. "Bonnie." He mom giggled, "Stop being rude." Abby grabbed Kai's hand and shook it and her father followed suit, and smiled uncomfortably. "It's nice see our daughter laughing. And to see you all out here, being goofy, is a welcomed change, from what we're used to seeing from her."
"Uhh, I definitely can say she and I always have a lot of fun together. She's also very funny. I'm not sure most people realize that." He said dotingly. He pushed her hair behind her ear and smiled at her, playing the part. Bonnie offered a slight grin, but the entire moment felt condescending. And not on purpose. She knew Kai didn't know better. And she knew her mom, was just happy to see her not with Damon. But, she was upset, by how the moment her mother walked up to them, it diminished the anger she had for Damon, as she immediately became defensive with her mother, remembering how she treated Damon. And suddenly, everything she and Damon had up until that point hit her, unexpectedly. Had Bonnie come with Damon, her mother wouldn't be this friendly towards Damon, and it angered Bonnie to see it play out. Her mother was now, laughing and joking with Kai. A man she didn't know. Her father was interrupted by Kat's parents, so he disappeared. But Abby was being too friendly, and Bonnie needed to leave the situation before she said something.
It didn't go unnoticed by Damon, who stood aside and watched as Abby started talking to Kai. Then she saw Kol, all in with his date. How did he manage to get passed her the whole time? She looked more closely, and that when she saw Andy doting around with her hand out, showing everyone a ring on her left hand. "What the hell?" She mouthed to herself. "Is that...? No, it couldn't be." She thought.
"And Bonnie always did have a mind of her own. But I'll say, you seem like a nice guy." Her mother's words hit her eardrums uncomfortably. She just needed Kai to pretend to be her date to keep her mind off of Damon, and just in case Kol, thought he could come and see she and Damon together. Maybe Kol, would lay off Damon, if he saw that Damon was no longer a threat, she explained a little to Kai, so he knew he had his work cut out for him, but she couldn't have realized how much things would just hit her all at once, the moment she saw Damon standing with a pretty brunette, having a glass of champagne and talking. "Fuck." She sighed quietly. "What the hell am I doing?" Bonnie spoke quietly to herself, having noticed Kai had gotten into the conversation with Abby and she politely excused herself for the bathroom. "I have to go to the ladies room. I'll be right back." Kai wanted to stop her, and ask if she was okay, but Abby was stealing all of his attention.
...
The bright and beautiful yellow dress, stole the sight of Damon as she moved across the dance floor. He saw Kai and Abby laughing, and how uncomfortable it made Bonnie, and then he saw Andie and Kol, acting like they'd been together for years. Bonnie headed towards the outside of the tent, to go to the restroom inside of the hotel across a large garden. She moved faster than he'd ever seen, and didn't catch up with her until she was halfway across the dance floor.
"Bonnie... Bonnie!" He called. She continued to walk, because he was the last person she needed to see right now. Looking in his eyes would shed her with so much guilt from her mother, she'd be taken back to a place, that made her vulnerable towards him. "Bonnie, stop."
"Damon, I have to go to the bathroom." She said, without looking back.
He grabbed her gently by the shoulder. She stopped and felt his hand on her shoulder. "May I have this dance?"
"Damon, I don't think-" he turned her body towards his, and pulled her into his chest. It was horrible to smell the memories on his skin, and in his hair. And even worse as he spoke, the smell of his breath drug her back to the place where they had been trapped in close proximity and drowning in one another's need for oxygen.
"One dance, please? I may never get this chance again." His hand held one of hers as his arm held her close to him on her lower back and around her waist. "You look gorgeous. And I'm not saying it to say it. This dress, hugs you in the right places and," he hand caressed the skin of her back. "I've always loved seeing you in backless." He whispered into her temple, as it rest near his mouth. Bonnie didn't say much, but she breathed into his chest wanting so badly to relax and being able to. Her mind was too busy figuring out when to inhale and exhale. In the meantime, the couple with the matching canary attire stole some attention, on the dance floor, as Etta James' At Last was started to play by the live band and singer.
Aaaaaat laaaast
My love has come along.
My lonely days, are over
And life is like a song...
Oh oh ooh ya ya at last
The skies above are blueeee
My heart was wrapped I clovers
The night I looked at you...
More and more glances were stolen while they slow danced, and Damon held her as if she were still his. Everything appeared to be fine. Especially when her head rest on his chest. Many guests took notice, including a look-lurking Abby and Kai.
I found a dream
that I could speak to
A dream that I
Can call my own
I found a thrill
To press my cheek to
A thrill that I-I-I
Have never known
The two held each other as the song played, and for three minutes, it was their dance floor. They owned it, and they didn't even realize it, as they were lost in an impenetrable bubble. As the song came to an end, Bonnie slowly pulled away from him, until he pulled her back in with a serious face, and spoke.
"I woke up today with the intention of bringing you home tonight. I didn't care you'd be here with him."
Green eyes shot up at him, "I'm not about to-"
"Listen, Bonnie, please."
"Damon, not right now. I... I don't need any drama, or bullshit right now."
"It's not about that. Listen," he looked in her eyes, "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."
"For what, two nights ago? It wasn't your fault. We... made a mistake together. And I take accountability for my actions." He noticed she couldn't look him in the eyes, so he stood silently for a few seconds.
"No. I'm not sorry about that. I could never regret a moment spent with you. Even if we're fighting." He grinned. "Anytime we spend together, good or bad, is my favorite time."
Bonnie's eyes watered when he spoke, turned from looking at the ground to him, and he could've said anything but that, and she would've stuck to her guns about him. But he said that, and that melted her inside to her core. Her lips started to shake, and she covered it with her hand.
"I'm sorry. Please don't cry." He pulled her closer to him so it wasn't obvious to people she was emotional. "I wanted to give you an apology. Not for our fights, because if I'm being honest, I love our fights as much as I love our sex. You're so passionate, and convicted. Also, you're absolutely valid in your feelings, and it makes me love you that much more." She shook her head, confused, but unwilling to accept his kindness.
"Damon, I don't deserve your kindness-" but he interrupted her.
"No. Let me finish. I messed up with you. I messed up horribly. I was manipulative. I was calculated. I was distinctive and detailed, in trying to win you over. It was selfish, and underhanded. I can't believe, I stooped so low, to prove I was capable of loving and trying to validate my own insecurities with your need to be nurturing and accepted for who you were." He grabbed her by her face gently, and wanted his words to mean something.
"You are someone Bonnie... who's deserving of honesty, trust, love, acceptance, truth, realness, loyalty, integrity, respect, and appreciation. And even, if I believed I gave you as much of that as I could, I went about it, the wrong way. I didn't know what I was doing, and I was so afraid, to lose you... I just kept going with it." Some of the guest saw him sharing a moment, and it seemed endearing and hopeful. "I loved you, so much, I did what I had to do to keep you, selfishly. But, I'm a fucking therapist, and I did, the very thing I try to help keep my patients from doing. It goes to show, how imperfect and fucked up I am. Yes. Therapists can have issues too. But, no matter what, you didn't deserve to be lied to. And I was wrong. I understand, that, I used my professional knowledge and abused the entire situation. Including having Kol as a patient. Fuck. I'm such a fuck up, that I didn't realize it. Not until I saw you over there, watching how much you didn't realize you couldn't handle this situation mentally. Seeing me, Kol, and having this new guy here. It's not easy on you, and I can see it. I was so wrong, for all of it, Sweet Pea. I'm so sorry. I never gave you a real apology, because I didn't really know how. But, I do now. I'm sorry."
His hands were still gently cupping her face as she felt overwhelmed with emotions.
"Wow, Damon... I don't know what to say."
They paused a while, and not saying much. Damon almost didn't want to let her face go, or her body from his presence. And he felt like he needed to savor this moment for what it was, and what it meant, that he was stepping away, to let her clear her mind. But his time, with the notion that he owed her an apology, and he owed her the clarity that he wanted the best for her, no matter what she chose in life.
"Thank you, Damon."
"And... this weekend, I'm sorry. Me, putting you in an uncomfortable place mentally, between myself, and the guy you're dating, was more selfishness on my part. I don't deserve you if I can't give you my best. I need to work through this, and become a better man... a better person." She looked up at Damon seeing his eyes water, and he bit his lip in order to keep from getting as emotional as he felt, watching her want to break down in his presence, but seeing how hard she fought to hold it together for him too. Bonnie's top lip swallowed her bottom lip, holding it together as best as she could, soaking up the moisture of her tears, all the while Kai and Abby spotted them, and noticed the exchange was finding Bonnie to seem vulnerable in Damon's grasp. "Oh God, this is... hard for me. But, I need you to know, it was never false for me. I may have been underhanded, but I'd never known what I wanted in my life until I met you. And you hold my happiness in the palm of your hands. But, I also, have come to realize, that... I will always want nothing but happiness for you. Because, I love you more than anyone in this room combined could know. And your mental health, matters to me, Sweet Pea. It always has. So, I am releasing you Bonnie. I know it sounds very pretentious of me to say it like that. But, I'm giving you back to the world. I know you can't move on, and find what you really want because you still hold this connection to me. And I never, really respected your pain, enough to give you peace of mind. And I see it now, that my trying to control everything, hurt you. I see how you hold on to me, hold onto Kol, hold onto pleasing everyone. When you shouldn't have to. You're hurting because of me, and I hate myself for it."
"Damon, you don't have to do this here. Seriously, you can enjoy yourself, with your date. I'm not upset because of you. I'm not angry with you anymore... My mom is just-"
"You are hurt because of me." Him telling her to move forward, was almost as painful as her realizing she needed him, and being unable to tell him.
"Damon, Everything is not... your fault. We can-"
"No, it is. Because, you couldn't have known the mental power I'd bring into this union. You couldn't have known how mentally prepared I was to do what I had to do for you. And I owed you the right to understand me, as a man before I selfishly pursued you. I owed you, to let you resolve your marriage, before I pursued you. And you won't be able to be happy, as long as I'm holding on to you. Because, we are literally unfinished business. And that's why I have to let you go. Because I love you that much."
"No..." she shook her head, in greater disbelief. Bonnie was stunned he'd do this at the reception, on Elijah and Kat's wedding day of all days. But she wasn't sure if she was angry because he'd done it so casually, or if she was upset, because she didn't want him to let her go. She wanted to feel him fight for her, the way he fought to come between her and Kol. The way he fought to hate his mother.
Damon leaned in, and kissed her softly on her lips. Her eyes closed, and the tears fell down her face, slowly. Palms shaking as she cupped his face. He pulled his lips from her for a second and spoke, holding back all of his own emotions, "I love you Bonnie... so much. I will never forget how beautiful, you look on this day. I thought roses were my favorite, but, I think my favorite flower is a sunflower now." He smiled through pained eyes, bordering water and a reddish tint. Lips shaking, and jaws clenched. "How you've managed to force me to look at myself, and become a better man, in every way, from this point forward. Your love has done that for me. And, I love you enough to let you go." Then he kissed her one more time, and he let her go. Something Kol never did for her, and still hasn't done for her. And probably won't do... let her go, to move forward. Damon, did it. He allowed her the freedom, to be happy without holding her back. As he pulled away from her face, she moved his hands from her face, and continued to cry. And she couldn't face him, any longer, because her emotional could no longer be contained.
"Good bye Damon." She left him, and walked back towards the direction in which she'd originally been headed. The bathroom. He could feel her anger, but he had to do it, because he knew eventually, she'd be able to move on happily. He knew she'd understand, eventually. And he had to be a better person, if he ever wanted things to be okay between them. And he had to know, that if they were to ever make it work, he had to prove her happiness meant more to him, than his own. He had to prove it to Bonnie, and himself.
As he felt her shut him out, he turned to see her date walking towards him. "Oh fuck." He murmured. "I don't need this bullshit today." He wasn't intimidated at all, though Kai's stature was bigger by a few inches, and he was heavier muscularly. But Damon was never intimidated by a man. No matter the size. Kai may have been a little bigger, but it didn't matter. He learned early with Giuseppe, that the size of a man was in his heart, not his fist. Even if his fists were pretty good at proving a point.
"Hey."
"Hey. Listen, that wasn't what it looked like. And-"
"Shut up. Listen, I don't fucking know you. And, even with my resources, I haven't done research on you."
"Research?" He asked confused.
"Shut up. You and Bonnie, are done. I don't need you getting in her head. Or trying to win her back. Because in case you didn't know, she's in a different place in her life. And she's happy. And whatever demented head games you're trying to play here, making her cry, you're a selfish bastard. But, whatever you think is going to happen, it's not. Stay the hell away from her!"
"You have the wrong idea-"
"No, I know what you get off on. Demented psycho. How dare you pull his shit on a day like today? And I'd kick your ass, if it wasn't her best friend's wedding day. Consider yourself lucky."
Damon looked up, with a second hand glance, smirking. "Wait, was that a threat?"
"No. But if I see you near her again, trying to hurt her... consider it a promise."
"I don't take kindly to threats. Ask her ex husband, what happened when he threatened me?"
"I'm not afraid of you, asshole." Kai said getting in Damon's face.
"Ahh, you're really lucky I love her. I'm going to let this go... right now. Since you have no idea what just transpired. Between she and myself."
"Damon Salvatore, PhD. Head games specialist."
"What... who the fuck?"
"Oh, yeah. I figured out who you are. I don't need Bonnie to tell me. I'm very resourceful. And if you don't think I can figure out more about you, and expose you, I will."
"Guy, whatever the fuck your name is... you have the wrong idea here. I'm not trying to-"
"I'm not Bonnie. I don't want to fucking hear it. Stay the fuck away from her!" Kai used both hands and pushed Damon at the front of his shoulders, then walked after Bonnie. All he saw was Damon and Bonnie kiss, then Bonnie was crying. In his mind Damon must've done something wrong. He made the mistake of believing Damon was trying to play head games with Bonnie. And he made the mistake, of not leaving well enough alone, when it came to Damon Salvatore.
Damon stood there, waiting for his ego to calm down, and for the testosterone to settle, to keep from going after Kai, but he was luckily interrupted by Stefan.
"Damon, what the hell was that?"
"Fucking prick. I thought I was the asshole. But he takes the cake. He doesn't even know me."
"Why was he so pissed?"
Damon rolled his eyes, because he knew he's sound bad for saying it, but he had to be honest. "I may have kissed Bonnie." Stefan furrowed his eyebrows, and scrunched his lips. "Before you get all judgy, it wasn't a romantic kiss. It was a good bye kiss. I was... apologizing, and accepting her need to move on. And that's it."
"You have to understand, his point of view then, right?"
"Stefan, Bonnie and I have more history then this new guy and Kol have with her, combined." Damon watched as the tall man disappeared after Bonnie. He was pissed he let Kai talk to him in such a way. The old Damon would've tried to kicked his ass. He would never let a man talk to him or touch him like that. And he'd damn sure never let a man, think he could come between him and Bonnie. But it was Elijah and Kat's wedding day, and he spoke his peace to Bonnie. He didn't want her being even more angry at him for killing her date. "I'm not going to kill him. Because, Bonnie would never forgive me."
"Please, I'm not interested in filling out police reports, and bailing you out of jail, because of "self-defense." Stefan mocked with his hands in quotes.
Damon was irritated, and it was already I sign of growth that he didn't at least verbally assault the stranger who threatens him. "What's with you anyway? You look pissed."
"Apparently my wife, and my ex girlfriend, met months ago. And apparently-"
"Kissed?"
"You knew, and didn't tell me?"
"Stef, I tried multiple times but you would've only gotten angry."
"Well of course. My wife cheated on me. With my ex."
"You mean, your wife, got drunk and hung out with my then girlfriend, who's best friend is the twin sister of the woman you used to fuck, while you and said wife, were separated and dating other people. Then they had a moment, bonding over you. I'm Sorry, this is a small group, how could you assume they'd never meet?"
"Uh, simple... Elena lives up state."
"You're an idiot you know that? Her twin sister got married today. Do the math Stefan! Most men would probably beg for a threesome, and you just..."
"Wouldn't. You're right! I'm possessive. I don't share my wife, with neither a man nor a woman. If she and I are together, working on shit. Would you share Bonnie?"
"I always said I never would, and somehow, it happened in Vegas."
"I fucking knew it. I knew it! The moment we ran into her at the strip club, I fucking knew it."
"Listen Stefan, when you have the kind of sexual and physical attraction Bonnie and I have, you don't waste a good drunken opportunity, to have angry make up sex. But, I swear... it was all her doing not mine. Even the female joining in. And while it was kind of hot, I would never do it again. Because, I feel like that female had some tricks I never knew, and I'd be damned anyone ever fucks Bonnie better than I do. Ever!"
"Exactly." Stefan agreed. "Man or woman, I'm not okay with it. Sarah fuckin cheated."
"You're right, and I'm sorry, bro. But Sarah loves you. And she would never do anything to jeopardize your marriage. Be easy on her. She's been your backbone for all these years. Raising your children. Loving you from a distance. Giving you space. And, according to Bonnie, it was pretty innocent, and they were drunk." Damon looked up to see Sarah coming towards them. "I should get back to my plus one. It's bad enough we didn't arrive together." Damon smirked, uncomfortably, and headed away. "Goodbye sis. I'll be seeing you both, okay. I'm going to take my date, and finish our evening elsewhere." He spoke to his sister-in-law who walked towards them.
"Already?"
"Yeah, tonight is harder on me than I thought."
"Okay, Handsome. We'll be seeing you." They hugged and she kissed his cheek. She moved towards her husband who was visibly upset, and trying to refrain from saying anything he'd regret. "You going to be angry all night?"
"All year maybe."
She smiled sweetly at him, and thought about how sensitive he was sometimes. It was endearing right now. Sometimes his sensitivities were selfish, by nature. Him not wanting to be imperfect, and fail, cost them some happy years. But this was different and she felt awful. "Stef... I'm sorry. It was a moment of weakness, I guess. I finally saw the woman my husband was sleeping with. I never wanted to see her. We agreed we'd never, see the other person. But some freakish accident I saw her. And a part of me, just felt jealous, because, it was a part of you I had no connection to." He wasn't buying it. He didn't even speak. "Stefan, come on. It was a one-time, moment."
"Moment?"
"Not even a moment. A thing. A lapse in judgement. And she's a sweet girl. I'm not sure why Tyler thought that it was appropriate to laugh about it with you. But hey, it's out on the table now. It happened? I'm sorry hunny."
"How would you like it, if I just randomly went to meet Matt. And decided hey let's have a beer and talk about what it was like fucking my wife?" He asked heinously.
"Really?" She paused, and he hunched his shoulders, waiting for an answer. "Okay, I would hate it. I would hate you two talking, because, you'd like him. He's a lot like you. In so many ways, and you'd realize, that I just tried to find a carbon copy of you, because I couldn't have you. And I'd feel pathetic, for never being over you. I'd feel pathetic because it wasn't as easy for me to date as it was for you."
"Pathetic? I could never, think your pathetic. You're the mother of my kids, my wife. You're the strongest woman I know. And it wasn't easy for me. Elena wanted a lot of things I couldn't give her. Things I couldn't give anyone but you."
"But we separated and dated other people, and as a woman, with our kids, dating was harder for me. Be sensitive to the fact that our situations when we were separated were different."
He stare at her discontent with the entire situation. "If you... couldn't get over me, why not just tell me? Why not call me, and yell at me?"
"Because, Stef. I had kids to think about. And I was visibly distraught. I needed someone on the outside to keep me balanced. His and my dates were my time to relax. And it helped when I came home. Look this isn't about me and Matt. I'm sorry. It'll never happen again. It was fun, but not my thing okay? I love you and only you. Can you forgive me?"
"Sare... I didn't like it, and I'm not okay with it."
"Baby, I know." She said with puppy dog eyes. "But we're in such a good place right now."
"I know. And I don't want to fight. But I can't just... I mean you can't just expect me to be okay with it. I'm angry about it. And for me, we aren't done dealing with this."
"Okay." She agreed sympathetically. "I love you, number one dad... Partner in crime... Dearest hubby." She tried to sweet talk him with her green eyes and pouty lips.
"Come on let's go dance, before we have to go back and get our kids from my mom's place. I have to show you off a little longer." His arm pulled her arm in, and he wrapped his arms around her.
"It was nice of you to let your mom spend today with them, while Julian is here." He nodded his head, and hunched his shoulders. "I know you're not a fan of Julian."
"They need to spend time with her while they can. And no, he's not my father, but I'm starting to be okay with that."
xXx
At the end of the night Damon had already been long gone. Kat and Elijah headed to the first part of their honeymoon. Bonnie begrudgingly waived her parents off. Stefan steered clear of Elena and Tyler, and Sarah being his wife, followed his lead, after she'd been found out, by her husband, for her and Elena's make out session. Everything remained peaceful with everyone.
For some reason, even after giving Bonnie her peace, and leaving the reception, Damon didn't feel right ending the night with a woman he had no feelings for. Granted, sex was not in the equation, as she was just being trained. But, it felt weird having a submissive after Bonnie.
So, he sent her home, and drove out to his cabin. He realized he needed to be alone with himself tonight. Being alone with himself wasn't so bad. He grabbed his laptop, and decided he keep writing for his studies. Only he figured he'd probably rearrange his content. Kol, technically signed over his rights for the publication of this study a while ago. But Damon had to reconsider that one, with his trial in progress.
Andie, was never a patient. She was a client. He never treated her psychologically. She paid him for a service. He ONLY had her on a list with his patients, because when he started charging for his services, his "discretionary profession" wasn't a tax write off. So submissive clients, were listed as patients, even ought they weren't patients. He'd have to figure how to explain that in court. And he was already prepared, to lose a lot going into this.
The only patient, who had a real lawsuit against him was Kol. And as he went through his laptop, and looked through all of his research figuring if he still had a study worth publishing, he looked down at his phone realizing he little voicemail message was no longer there, since he finally listened to it. He saved it.
He wanted to hear it again. But this time, he was going to listen to her tone, her hesitations, pauses, breathing. He needed to know, what he was up against trying to become a better man.
He knew he had nothing left to lose. So he replayed her voicemail. And a few times over, and wanted to imagine every little detail of what she was feeling as she spoke those words and called him.
So he went through his phone and played it again.
(Flash back)
Bonnie sat on Damon's porch, waiting for him to come home. Although she had a key to his house, and the code to his alarm, she couldn't be sure if he changed it. It wasn't such bad weather, and as spring was settling, there was a nice breeze and the smell of all the roses Damon had professionally landscaped into the entire length of his long drive way which filtered the air, and made it impossible to not wallow in calmly. Especially for a person gathering their thoughts.
Bonnie looked out at the moon, in the warm California sky. It rained the day before, so the dew, combined with the roses, was welcomed, and peaceful. She grabbed her phone to see if he was on his way. She hesitated to dial his number. After talking with Lily about a lot of things tonight, and realizing how much she felt like she had given up on Damon, she wanted to give him a chance to finally explain himself.
And the phone rang, four times.
Mid ring four, it went to his voice mail. It took her by surprise that he sent her to voice mail, but she knew there could be a number of reasons. She didn't expect her nerves to be shot hearing his voice for the first time in a while.
You've reached my voicemail, please leave a message, and I'll respond as soon as I can.
At first Bonnie dropped the phone nervously, but as she picked it up she heard the beep. Her heart sped up and she took a deep breath.
"Damon, its Bonnie. I actually didn't prepare myself to leave a message. I just narcissistically assumed you'd answer the phone. How embarrassing of me to be so entitled." She laughed nervously then took a long tentative pause looking out from the step she sat on from his porch. Her eyes looked out for a few seconds before she she started speaking again. "I guess that brings me to my point. No one is perfect. We all have our own, ideas of what we want, in life. And no matter how well thought out our plans are, we end up somewhere we never expected. And it scares us, but, that's okay. Ya know?" She swallowed, loud enough that it may have been heard, but not purposely. "To be scared, I mean." Her voice because slightly shaken, because she wanted to say more, but didn't know the words. "It's okay to be scared. For things to not always be so strategic, but to be an adventure sometimes. I wasn't used to adventures Damon. I was always living according to a plan. Then you came along, and you were this scary thing," she emphasized 'thing' with a louder pitch, because she was becoming emotionally attached to her words. "this thing I couldn't pull apart and figure out, like everything else in my life. You're like the Rubik's Cube of my world. And I loved trying to figure you out sometimes. But other times... You were just this enigma. And somehow, I couldn't handle that." She sighed, taking a breath, while tears pooled silently. "And I ran, without, hearing you out." Her eyes began to water more, and she felt it tickle her nose. "And while I'm still angry as hell at you... you deserved to be heard." She paused to sniff up tears, "I wanted you to know... you were my adventure Damon. You are, everything that makes me afraid and happy at the same time. I'm not perfect, and neither are you. But, it's okay. Maybe, were not supposed to be. Oh Gosh... I- I just don't know anything. But... I'd love to talk, if you have time. I'm here at your house. I'll wait a while. So, hopefully you get his message, in time, and we can figure out a better way to go about, dealing with things between us. Something tells me we need to work things out. I mean, if you want... I'm kind of putting myself out there and for what it's worth, I've NEVER done this for Kol. So, this is very hard for me." He could hear her sniff again, as if she was wiping her face. "Oh God. Please call me as soon as you get this. I miss you. Okay...Bye." She hung up, and inside of her was a feeling of overwhelming anguish wrapped in her nerves.
(End of flash back)
After listening to it six times and then deciphering it bit by bit, pause by pause, sniff by sniff, and pitch by pitch, he realized something.
He couldn't just let her go. Not without a fight. And maybe not the way he normally fought for her. Not silently, which hurt her to her core, and not aggressively which pushed her away. But he need to be the man she needed, and he needed to show, her that not one tear she ever shed for him would be shed in vain.
There was lists of things he needed to do. Deal with Kol, deal with Lily, figure out he and Bonnie could be at least, friends... and last but not least, he had to deal with his lifestyle choices.
What was being a dominant really worth to Damon? Was being in control... worth Bonnie?
There is a little bit of strategy here to my madness, while I try to remain a little loose in the storytelling. In other words, while I know where this story is going and will end up, before I write the part 2... I never know the journey I'll take to get there. I just know what I want, and as I write, little details come from my mind and there in lies the characters journey. This was a really good chapter and second turning point for Bamon. The first turning point was the betrayal/separation. This turning point over the last two chapters was seeing each other for the first time, and realizing that time and space apart isn't the only thing they needed to heal. Turning point here was moving forward. Bonnie needed Damon to apologize, and to accept her decision to move on. She needed him to accept her choice. He needed to listen to her. Her words after they slept together, as well as her voicemail. He also needed to physically see her, tangled up in the situation with Kai and Abby, then seeing Kol and Andie, and then remembering they slept together in Vegas. He could tell how much she missed and loved him, and knowing what it meant, how his presence in her life was always with her, because they were unfinished. Watching her discomfort bothered him. He knew, at that point it wasn't about him and her. It was about her, and how she dealt with stress. She bottled it up, and let it eat away at her. He knew it wasn't healthy. So, he removed himself for the sake, of letting her know, he'd be the last person to hold her back from happiness. They way Abby (unintentionally) did, the way Kol (intentionally) did. And hearing Kai's words, kind of struck a nerve with Damon. And yes, Kai is OOC in this story. Not the tvd Kai. But serves a purpose all the same. He's not what you expect him to be. His character is apart of this story now.
Maybe you have predictions? ... Maybe you have ideas? I'm not sure anyone knows what to expect though... Hope you enjoyed it, and thank you for reading.