Author's Note: This isn't really an apology so much as an explanation as to why this chapter took so long. I've had… not really writer's block so much as… you know how sometimes you're working on something and you think that every single thing you do is just God-awful? I've had that. I'm sure the writers out there among you know what I'm talking about. Add to that my short story I worked on for Faberry week, Christmas, and New Year's and the result is much lateness. So… yeah.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this latest chapter. Honestly, I can't tell if it's good or not, so if it's not, be gentle. I know it covers a little more time than chapters usually do, so (to me) it seems a little jumpy. I hope it still works, though.

As always, reviews are super-appreciated. If you loved it, let me know. If you didn't, if something didn't work for you, let me know that, too. Questions, concerns, comments, suggestions, whatever. God, it sounds like I'm begging, but I'm really not trying to. Just letting you know that I appreciate everything you send my way.

Thanks and Cheers!

-DJ

Quinn was late. Not the pregnancy inducing kind of late, thank God. Not even the 'Sue Sylvester will punish me with ridiculous amounts of running' late. It was more the 'I'm probably not going to get to hang out with my friends this morning before practice' kind of late. And it was all Rachel and Brittany's fault. Not that she was mad or anything. Not really. She'd just stayed up too late watching Brittany's web show for a second (third, fourth, whatever) time, and, when her alarm went off this morning, Quinn had sleepily hit the snooze button and mumbled, "Not yet." Twice. Reflecting on it as she raced to get ready twenty minutes later, Quinn was surprised she'd slept through the entire night. Not one single nightmare.

Rachel was planning on living. The thought alone made Quinn smile that much harder.

Now she was racing to school for Saturday's all-morning practice by herself and honestly? It kind of sucked. She missed Rachel riding with her, even if it hadn't happened a lot. Hiram and Quinn had unintentionally worked out a schedule that was basically her driving Rachel to school or home whenever she could, Glee club and doctor's appointments notwithstanding. It was working out nicely for everyone involved. Quinn especially, as just talking to Rachel had quickly become one of her favorite things. And not having her around was making everything else… boring.

She was alone this morning because Santana drove Brittany everywhere, and since Rachel had stayed at Brittany's house, the Latina had volunteered to drive them both to school. Why Rachel was coming to Cheerios practice in the first place Quinn didn't really want to give that much thought, not that she had to. She already knew why. Christy.

Quinn tried being happy for Rachel, she really did. Apparently their first date had gone well if the blush on Rachel's face Friday when Santana had asked about it was anything to go on. She seemed happier, so that was nice. Still, there was something Quinn didn't like about it. It wasn't jealousy. It wasn't. It was just… worry, maybe? Like, what if Rachel found she didn't need Quinn anymore? Quinn was the one person Rachel said she could be completely honest with. She was doing her best to try and be honest with Rachel, too, barring some lies about a certain picture still buried on Quinn's hard drive to keep the peace. …and some others to help Quinn continue being a good Christian. But other than those, she had been as honest as possible with Rachel.

What if, after dating Christy a while, she realized she didn't need Quinn's help? Brittany had already gotten her to promise to not try to kill herself again for the next few years. It was something Quinn hadn't been able to do. Rachel liked Quinn, said she was attracted to Quinn, but she couldn't offer a relationship like Christy could. What did Quinn have to offer her that someone else couldn't do better?

What if it was already starting? What if they were already shutting her out? Rachel was gay or bisexual or something. Brittany was, too. And Santana, whether she admitted it or not, was bi if not completely gay for Brittany. It was obvious to everyone (but Artie apparently, poor boy) that the two girls were in love. All three of her best friends were 'not straight', no matter what terms they chose. Now Rachel had Christy. They could just partner up and shut her out and then Quinn would have no one. She'd be the fifth wheel, the outcast, the… she'd be fucking Lucy Caboosey again! Just with a Cheerios uniform instead of a hundred extra pounds and glasses and an ugly nose. There were already so few people that genuinely like her. What if she lost those, too?

No.

No, that was not allowed to happen. Quinn needed to… she needed to something. God, what could she do? If she… if she got rid of Christy, that would balance it out better, wouldn't it? Rachel wouldn't be dating Christy. The senior could go off and prey on someone else… which was probably what Christy was doing anyway. Trying to use Rachel because she was still fragile and broken and could probably be easily talked into sex with her. No! That was… that was not allowed!

Quinn pulled hard into the parking lot, fuming that this senior bitch would try to do that to her Rachel. Her friend Rachel. Whatever. She was not going to stand by and allow some whore to take advantage of her like that. She got out of her car, slamming the door extra hard as Santana and Brittany walked over to her.

"Ooooo, crabby bitches this morning," Santana said. "What's wrong? Thought you'd be all rainbows and shit after seeing Britt's show last night. You did see it, right?"

"I did," Quinn said, looking over to Rachel who was talking to Christy by Christy's car. Or she guessed they were talking. All she could tell was Christy had her arms around Rachel's waist while the diva's arms were up around Christy's neck. At least they weren't making out. Quinn felt like she might actually go over and punch the bitch if she had to see that.

Because… because she was trying to inappropriately use her friend, right?. Right?

"So…?" Santana pressed on, trying to get Quinn to spill. Because Quinn was just such a fountain of emotions, right? Wait, no. No, she wasn't. Except for when she talked to Rachel. Fuck. God, Fabray, get your shit together.

"So, nothing," Quinn said, looking back to Santana. The Latina was right there in her face, not aggressively, but too close. Brittany was still a step or two away, though, clearly seeing that Quinn wasn't happy. She really was smarter than Quinn gave her credit for.

"Bullshit," Santana said, poking Quinn in the chest with two fingers which Quinn quickly knocked away. "Just because you're not sharing this morning doesn't mean there's not something up your ass."

"San…" Brittany cautioned, reaching out and grabbing her wrist, gently pulling her a step back from Quinn. "Please don't."

"Don't what?" Santana asked, staring at Quinn. "This should be good news. Rachel said she was going to try and live for the next few years. Something bitch here should be happy about, but-"

While talking, Quinn had glanced over at Rachel again, seeing her and Christy now actually kissing in the parking lot. It wasn't the groping kind of making out that they'd be doing soon- an idea that literally made Quinn nauseous- but it was more than friendly. Her fists balled as if of their own accord, knuckles whitening, and it took everything she had not to go over there. Still, she felt about three seconds away from punching something. Santana must have followed her gaze as they all stared. That must have been what shut her up. Temporarily, at least.

"I'm sorry, Q," Santana said quietly.

"For what?" Quinn snapped, turning back to Santana furiously.

"I just…" Santana turned back to look at Brittany who was still staring at Rachel and Christy. "I get it, okay," she said lowly.

"It's not… I'm not like that," Quinn said, getting angrier by the moment. "I'm not like you or Brittany or Rachel. I'm straight, okay? I'm straight!" Making connections her mind had no business making, she went back to her worries in the car. "And- and I'm sorry if your little sapphic sorority can't include me because of that, but that's not my fucking problem, okay?"

"Whoa, Q, calm your tits," Santana said, backing up and raising her hands in surrender at the sudden explosive anger. "I was just trying to sympathize, but you're clearly stuck in that tiny little closet of yours, so whatever. My bad. But if you think we'd leave you out because you're 'straight'," she threw up air quotes, pissing Quinn off even further, "then that's pretty fucking insulting. Because I was under the impression we were friends."

"We totes are, Q," Brittany added, trying to smile though clearly looking uncomfortable. "And please don't be mad because I know you keep saying you're 'straight'"-

"Can you two stop using air quotes?!" Quinn screamed, getting the few remaining people in the parking lot's attention who were mostly just Christy and Rachel at this point. Rachel who Quinn immediately locked eyes with. Rachel who looked concerned and started walking towards them. Fuck!

"Sorry," Brittany said quietly. "But… I thought you liked Rachel."

"I do," Quinn said. "She my friend, just like you and Santana."

"No, no. I mean…" Brittany said, shaking her head. "At our Christmas movie thingy, you said… okay, well you didn't say it, but you asked me not to say anything about it, so that has to mean there's something there to not say anything about, right?"

"I… I didn't… It's not…" Quinn stuttered, trying to find something to fight back with as Rachel approached. The problem was, she wasn't sure she really wanted to fight back. These were her friends. They were basically happy people. And they were gay. Why couldn't she be happy being-?

No. NO! She wouldn't be weak right now. She was a Fabray. And, right now, she could hear her father's voice loud and clear telling her that she was a sinner. That she was going to hell if she let herself think like that.

"I'm not gay," she whispered harshly before walking off, effectively ending the conversation. She brushed by Rachel who reached out to her, trying to stop her, but Quinn just shrugged the shorter girl off. She couldn't deal with her right now. She didn't want to deal with any of them right now.

She heard Rachel calling out her name, but Quinn just kept walking.

After an unusually brutal five hours of practice that had everyone working double-time while Coach Sue praised Quinn for running the team into the ground, Quinn went over to sit with Rachel, a practice they had started at some point. It was easier, less tempting, than having to be around all those half-naked girls …but not by much.

"Hey," Quinn said, panting from the routine they'd just finished as she sat down beside Rachel.

"Hi," Rachel said quietly, handing her an unopened water bottle. Quinn twisted off the lid and drank from it gratefully. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Rachel said, "That was… intense."

"Thanks?"

"No, it wasn't a compliment," Rachel corrected her. "It looked like you had a personal vendetta against them. Is… is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," she answered a little too harshly. Rachel looked over at her in disbelief, and even Quinn knew she sounded too much like her old, bitchy Ice Quinn self. She paused, took a couple of deep breaths, and in a calmer voice tried again. "Really. Everything's fine."

"Okay…" Rachel said, dragging out the word. It reminded Quinn why she had always hated- no, okay, not hated. Disliked? Disagreed with? –disagreed with Rachel. Sometimes the brunette didn't know when to let things go. Like now, for instance. "But if things weren't fine, you'd tell me, right? Because that's what we do. We tell each other everything."

"For now," Quinn mumbled, but of freaking course Rachel's well-trained ears would pick it up.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Quinn said, crossing her arms. "Just drop it."

"No," Rachel said, looking at her. Staring, really. Resolutely, daring Quinn to lie to her again. It was annoying that she was being so thoughtful, trying to comfort Quinn, and, yes, okay, thoughtfulness being annoying didn't even make sense to her, but she still felt it. Rachel shouldn't care that much about her feelings. Not when she had Christy now. Christy should be the one Rachel was all concerned over. Not Quinn. "Talk to me, Quinn. Please."

"It's nothing, Berry, really," Quinn said.

"Well now I know you're lying," Rachel said, smiling a little too smugly for Quinn's tastes. "You've pretty much stopped calling me 'Berry' except when you're irritated with me."

Wait, was that true? Quinn thought about it for a moment, trying to go back over their interactions for the past few weeks. Since Rachel's suicide attempt. Damn it, this girl was perceptive.

"Fine," Quinn said. "I'm irritated. Whatever. I'm going to shower." And she stood up to walk towards the locker rooms, but Rachel's hand around her wrist stopped her.

"Please, Quinn," Rachel said. "Don't shut me out. You know I need you. What's this about?" When Quinn still didn't respond, didn't even turn to look at her, Rachel tried again. "Quid pro quo, Quinn. You have to be honest with me. Why are you so upset?"

'Because I want you to be with me and not Christy!' was the first thought that screamed through Quinn's mind, but she shoved that immediately into whatever mental closet she trapped all those thoughts in. That was the sinful way of thinking.

Taking a deep breath, she chose to give Rachel some version of the truth. "Because…" She took another breath, still refusing to face Rachel. "Because I'm afraid that if you date Christy, you won't need me."

"I… what?" Okay, not exactly the reassuring response Quinn was looking for.

Turning to face Rachel, she glanced at the confusion on her face before crossing her arms and looking down at the floor. "You said… you said I was the only person you could be really honest with. Brittany's already got you promising to live the next few years to get the two of you into college. I promised to try and save you and I couldn't even do that, not like Brittany has. Now you've got Christy, who I'm sure you'll fall madly in love with and spend your days talking about everything together, and I don't know where I'll fit into your life in all that."

Rachel reached out, pulling a pouting Quinn into her arms. "Quinn, you're my best friend. And I know I said Brittany was, and maybe she kind of is, too, but you're… you saved me. Not just that night, but since then. Every day. You make me feel cared for, you make me feel safe here at school. You're kind of like the younger, whiter version of Daddy." Quinn chuckled a little there in Rachel's arms, refusing to cry. "You're my friend, and no matter what happens with Christy, that'll never change."

"You say that now," Quinn said stubbornly, pulling away from Rachel.

"No, I'm always going to say that." Rachel paused, then changed tracks, asking, "Do you tell Sam everything?"

"…no," Quinn said cautiously. "I've started being more honest with him because he said he wanted that, but… no. Not everything."

"But you still date him," Rachel said. "You still care about him. He just doesn't get all the pieces of you that I get. Why can't Christy be that for me?"

"Because it's different with you two," Quinn said. "Sam is… he's sweet, but he's just a stupid boy. If I told him everything I told you, he wouldn't get most of it. He might smile and nod, but he wouldn't understand. Christy's not like that. She's like… she's like the good version of me."

"What?"

"Come on, Rachel," Quinn said. "She's a pretty, smart, popular Cheerio who was prom queen last year. Oh, and you want to date her."

"And that makes her the good version of you?"

"Kind of."

Rachel smiled at her condescendingly, like she was being stupid. Quinn both loved and hated that smile. "Quinn, you're the good version of you."

God, okay, maybe she was being stupid. If Quinn couldn't give Rachel what she wanted, Christy was a good replacement. And, no, she didn't really think the senior cheerleader was using her. It did feel nice to punish her while she temporarily had that thought in her head, though. It had made her feel justified in those extra crunches, extra wind sprints. She knew she was just being a bitch to the girl for dating Rachel, but she couldn't help it.

"I know, I know," Quinn said finally, not really believing it, but trying to make Rachel feel better. "I'm just being stupid, I guess."

"Not stupid," Rachel said, pulling her into another hug. God, she would never get tired of those. "A little overdramatic, maybe, but I can appreciate that." Rachel giggled at this, and the musical sound echoed through Quinn as she held her. After a quiet minute of holding each other, Rachel asked, "Is that why you've been so hostile to Christy? Because you thought I would replace you?"

"I guess," Quinn said stubbornly into Rachel's shoulder.

"But you know now that's never going to happen, right?"

Quinn sighed. "Yeah."

"And neither will Brittany or Santana."

"Ugh. Did they tell you that?"

"Brittany did," Rachel said, releasing Quinn enough to look at her. "She said you thought we'd replace you with Christy because she liked girls and you didn't. Which I hope you know by now is stupid. It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay or whatever. You're still going to be Quinn to me."

As the rest of the girls started to come out of the locker room, Quinn left Rachel to go and get her shower. The water was much cooler than she usually took as the burns on her back were still tender. Still, she couldn't help but think about Rachel's words. It didn't matter to her if Quinn was straight or gay. If only she could make it not matter to anyone else. To herself. To her mother. To the rest of the school. To God.

William McKinley High School finally started to get that Rachel was part of the Unholy Square that next week. No one talked about her in the halls. No one dared bring a slushee anywhere near her. There weren't even whispers of the name 'Suzy'. Rachel supposed she had Missy to thank for all of it, in a warped way. Apparently Quinn's threat to her to 'spread the word or else' had been heard loud and clear. Rachel still didn't like the fact that Quinn had to do that to protect her, but at least she kind of understood it. So the school had stopped talking bad about Rachel… mostly. Now they seemed focused on the fact that Rachel was dating Christy, something she was still having trouble coming to terms with.

It was weird dating the senior Cheerio, in a way. They'd gone on a date Thursday night, spent Saturday afternoon out with Santana and Brittany- Quinn had declined, feeling exhausted, she'd said. Rachel had her doubts after their talk, but the blonde's mind couldn't be changed. Sunday, Rachel had gone on another date with Christy. And they were all fun. Rachel had a good time with Christy. The weird part was, she was trying to hold back from falling for the girl.

In the past, Rachel had made the mistake of throwing herself completely at whoever she was involved with. Finn, Puck, Finn again, Jesse, Finn yet again. Each time going into it, she felt like they were going to be this epic romance which of course would lead to the perfect long-term relationship. Dating, marriage, kids. All that. Even with Puck. And all of those relationships had ended disastrously.

With Christy, though, Rachel was actually trying to hold back from feeling all of that. Christy had explained to her that she wasn't interested in the big romantic relationship. She was focusing on leaving the state in six or seven months, having applied to schools in Florida, Kentucky, New York (to which Rachel had given a little squeal of excitement, if for no other reason than future possibilities), Texas, and California. She was hopeful of getting a cheerleading scholarship at one of these schools. She also told Rachel that she believed long-distance relationships never worked out. She was just looking to have fun dating someone nice for a while, but that was it. No more.

Rachel, despite herself, had agreed to it. She was trying to not get too emotionally involved with Christy, but it was difficult. The girl was kind of amazing. She was smart and friendly and funny and extremely beautiful. She wasn't Quinn-level beautiful (then again, no one is), but she was up there with Santana and Brittany. That same level of, dare she say it, 'hotness'. And it was empowering, dating the 'hot girl'. Making out with her. Having the other students watching them share a quick kiss or a hug and getting jealous. Everyone loved Christy. Even some of the 'straight' girls had often joked about 'going gay' for her. They just didn't know it was an actual option at the time. An option that Rachel was taking full advantage of.

She had told Christy before their date on Thursday that she didn't want to be out at school, but, after being around Santana and Brittany the day after, she changed her mind. Santana's biggest problem with actually dating Brittany was the fear that once people found out, the school would turn on her. People would treat her differently, look at her differently, if they knew she was gay. With Rachel and Christy being out and public, Rachel was hoping to make way for others to be open at school. If her making out with Christy at school before or after classes could do that, then Rachel felt she had to do it. And the fringe benefits (actually getting to make out with Christy, people talking about her in a good way rather than bad) were nice, too.

It took until Wednesday of that next week for Finn to come ask Rachel about it.

"Can we talk?" he asked, coming up to Rachel, Quinn, Santana, and Brittany as they made their way to the cafeteria for lunch.

"Sure, Finn," Rachel said happily, stopping the group.

"I was hoping we could talk… alone," he said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"No," Quinn and Santana both said before Rachel could agree to anything.

"Of course we can," Rachel said, scowling at the two overprotective girls. She followed him into an empty classroom where Santana shut the door, but not before she and Quinn glared threateningly at Finn. Santana even did that silly 'I'm watching you' move where she pointed at her eyes, then to Finn, then back to her eyes. Rachel thought she must have learned that from Coach Sylvester.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said once they were alone. "After everything with Missy last week, I think they're even more protective than before. It's slightly annoying, but still very endearing."

"Yeah, she's sorry about that," Finn said. "Missy is, I mean. I told her it wasn't cool."

"Thank you," Rachel said, offhandedly, trying not to think bad thoughts about Finn. Just… it was amazing that after all the times he hadn't stood up for her when they'd been dating, he chose now to do it. Some part of her recognized that telling Missy what she did was wrong had no ill effects on his popularity, but she honestly didn't want to think like that. She still wanted to believe the best about Finn. He really was a good person deep down. "So… you and Missy?"

"Yeah," he said, blushing and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "She's awesome. She actually likes playing video games with me and we hang out and make out and stuff. She's pretty cool." Rachel let the small dig at her go. So what if she didn't like playing all those violent video games with Finn? Just because she had complained every time he'd tried to get her to kill stuff didn't mean she was wrong. It's not like he came along quietly every time she wanted to see a new production at the Lima Community Center.

"That's good," Rachel said. "I'm happy for you."

"Really? Because I was kind of worried you'd be all, like, jealous and crazy and try to win me back," Finn said.

Honestly? If Rachel hadn't been suicidal so soon after their breakup, it was something she could see herself doing. Trying to spend time with him in an effort to get back together. After her attempt, though, everything seemed to… shift. For both of them. She may always love him, but they were no longer in love. That short visit in the hospital had shown her that.

"No, no," Rachel said, smiling sadly. "Maybe in another life, but… I think it would be a waste of both our times. I think Missy might be good for you. She seems like… well, I don't want to say a 'nice person', but, from what Quinn told me, she does have people she cares about. That's got to mean something, right?"

"Yeah," Finn said, dragging the word out and again rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Like he wanted to say something but couldn't seem to find the words. Eventually, though, he did say, "And you're dating Christy." It wasn't a question, but he still seemed to want to hear her say it.

"I… I am."

"So, then… you're gay now?" Finn asked. And before she could answer, everything he clearly wanted to say started pouring forth. "Because you didn't seem gay when we were making out and I got to touch your… you know… your boobs. You seemed into it. I mean… I didn't make you gay, did I? Because Kurt said that couldn't happen. But he also said that bisexual people are just gays that want to feel normal once in a while, though, so I don't know. So… I guess what I'm asking is, was it real with us? Were you just using me for my popularity like Quinn was with the baby? Because that's, like, major league not cool, Rachel."

"No," Rachel said, placing a hand on his forearm to get him to stop and calm down. "No, Finn. It was real between us. Or, it was for me, anyway."

He was silent for a moment before he said, "It was real for me, too."

"Good." Rachel smiled up at him. "And, no, you didn't make me gay. I've always been attracted to more than just men."

"But Kurt said-"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't listen to Kurt about everything," Rachel snapped, though she wasn't actually angry with Finn. "I'm sorry. It's just, after everything he's gone through with his own sexuality, to be so closed-minded as to say- I just can't believe Kurt Hummel, of all people, would actually say something so ignorant and offensive, it's just- Ugh!"

They were silent for a minute while Rachel took a few deep breaths to get over her irritation at the boy. Finn thankfully knew enough to give her that.

After it seemed Rachel was calmed enough, Finn asked, "So, attracted to more than just men? That means you're bi, right?"

"No," Rachel said. "I prefer the term 'pansexual' if we have to label my sexuality with anything." Finn only had a blank stare, so she explained. "It means I don't discriminate against who I'm attracted to."

"But…" Again he had what Santana referred to as his 'constipated baby' look which meant he was deep in thought. "Aren't men and women the only two options?"

"Not necessarily," Rachel explained. "There are people that identify as men or as women, but there are also some people that identify as in-between. Or that identify as nether. Or both. The sex of a person, what people generally refer to when they talk about 'men and women', is determined by chromosomes, but the gender of a person is self-determined based on a variety of things. Society, gender roles, personal feelings. Being pansexual, to me at least, means that I don't judge people based on any of these things, and that I will like or not like someone based on who they are as a person and not on these labels that society feels a need to arbitrarily place on us."

"Oh," Finn said, not seeming to really get it but also not wanting to argue with her. "Cool, I guess. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't my fault."

Rachel barely kept from laughing at the boy's worry, but she (thankfully) did. "No, Finn, you didn't make me gay."

"Good," Finn said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Because I know how some of the guys on the football team are probably going to talk about it. They're already saying how hot it is that you're dating Christy."

"Um… thanks?" Rachel bit her lip nervously, suddenly not sure if she liked this extra attention at school. The old Rachel would have loved it, the way it made her feel sexier. Wanted. It was that same yearning to feel desirable that drove her short-lived Britney Spears phase. Now, though? Some days she just wanted to disappear, to be invisible.

"It's cool," Finn said again. "I just hope they don't think it was me that drove you away from guys. You know how people here are."

Rachel stared at him and recognized that this was a real (though completely absurd) worry. Still, Rachel was also known to have what other people (her dads, for one) considered absurd worries, too. Her reluctance to have her tonsils removed for fear of losing her ability to sing was something they were still bringing up because of its unlikelihood. Her superstition of never stepping on cracks kept them good-naturedly laughing at her whenever they walked the streets of New York on various visits. And her pre-competition rituals of "no milk, no doorknobs, no kisses" for the 48 hours before performing were known throughout the Glee club now. So, really, who was she to fault others for their worries, no matter how silly she thought them.

The thought that Finn was worrying about his own reputation rather than Rachel barely passed through her mind at this point.

After a minute, Rachel smiled brilliantly, having just come up with the perfect thing to say if that ever came up. "You could just tell them that, after you, no other man could satisfy me."

"What?" Finn asked, gaping. "Really?"

"I'm not saying you should tell them we had sex," Rachel said, shaking her head, "nor that it's any of their business whether we did or not. But if you feel the need to, you can them that I said that after you, no other man could measure up." She paused, now unsure. "That… that should help, right?"

"Yeah," Finn said, smiling as he slowly warmed to the idea. "Like, you're not off men. Just no other guy is as awesome as I am so what's the point? Yeah, okay!"

He reached out and hugged Rachel, pulling her in and spinning her around. Rachel was just happy that she could make him happy again. She would probably always love him, and that thought made her sigh internally. And maybe now, with him dating Missy and her dating Christy, they could stay friends, too, since they'd probably be around one another sometimes. Finn was her first friend, her only friend for a time. She would do anything to keep him, no matter his faults. Even if it meant hurting her own reputation. She tried to kill herself. Surely the rumor of them having sex couldn't hurt it that much more.

"Thank you so much, Rach," Finn said, giving her that lopsided grin she had always fallen for. It was cute, but it just didn't measure up like it had in the past. Next to, say, Quinn (for a completely random example). It was just cute, rather than knees-weakeningly sexy. "You always know how to make me feel better."

Finn hugged her again and left the class while she stayed leaned against a desk, staring down at her brown penny loafers. Finn…

Without looking up, she heard Quinn, Santana, and Brittany enter the classroom. "Everything okay, Berry?" Santana asked.

"I'm fine," Rachel said sadly, unsure why she was even upset. It just felt like a part of her life was over. Like she had just shut the door on being with Finn. She wasn't 'off men' by any stretch, but she was definitely off him. She'd always thought he was sweet, caring, loving. Being around Quinn, Santana, and Brittany, though, had changed that opinion. No, they had changed her perception of what having friends that cared actually meant. She still believed he was a good person at heart, but today was another example of how he only cared about himself. No, that wasn't fair. Rachel just wished he had cared more about her. Even now, he was willing to tell others that she had slept with him just to boost his own reputation. She just… wished things were different is all.

"I'm fine," Rachel said again, sniffing. "Really. I just…" She sighed, then reached out and pulled Santana and Quinn who were closest into a hug. Brittany grabbed on a moment later, making it a solid Unholy Square hug. "I'm just really glad you three are my friends."

As Friday night approached, Rachel found herself extremely excited about it. This was the next to the next to the last game in the season, and would determine if the Titans made it to the State Championship. Rachel actually understood very little of this until Puck explained at lunch one day that it was like the football team's Sectionals. If they won this one, they had another game (Regionals), then the State Championship (Nationals). She still didn't understand how they didn't have to actually win their game before the championship to play in the actual championship if they won this game (Sectionals) despite Leroy trying to educate her, but she eventually decided it didn't matter. She was just happy to be waving her pom-poms from her seat beside Ashley and Mr. and Mrs. Pierce. Besides, it wasn't the game that she was excited about.

She had been to football games at school in the past, watching Finn play for the Titans. She had even snuck glances at the cheerleaders as they cheered and stood amazed at their death-defying acrobatics during the half-time show. And, okay, watching the Cheerios was way more worth the biting cold and the loud fans and confusing rules than watching the football team. Why crossing the line at the end was worth six points (Is it six? I feel pretty sure it's six. Or maybe three? One? No, it's definitely more than one. Kicking the ball is worth one… I think. Ugh! This is harder to keep track of than bowling.) was just silly, but at least now she didn't have to worry about the actual game. Now she just had to pay attention to her amazing Cheerio girlfriend.

But, no. Not girlfriend. That would make things too serious, and serious is something Rachel and Christy were staying away from. Unfortunately. Because, no matter what Rachel told Christy or even tried to tell herself, she was slowly falling for Christy.

The way she had rearranged her routes to and from class just to be able to pause in the halls for a second as they passed one another to kiss her or hug her or just to touch her hand and smile in that completely charming way. The way they texted each other late at night or first thing in the morning. The way Christy would text her a corny joke that got Rachel to laugh out loud in the middle of class and have her phone taken away for the rest of the period. Three times so far. Rachel made a mental note that she needed to stop checking her phone in class.

Christy had even won over her dads Wednesday night when she'd hung out at Rachel's house, playing Trivial Pursuit with them until Brittany and Santana had unexpectedly shown up. They'd then switched to Disney Scene-It where Brittany wiped the floor with the five of them.

Quinn, Santana, or Brittany (or some combination of the three) dropping by unannounced was becoming a habit that Rachel was glad of. She realized, on some level, that they were trying to make up for bullying her in the past. An added benefit, though, was that all those doubts she'd had about them being actual friends were quickly being swept aside. They actually enjoyed hanging out with her. It was something she was slowly coming to believe.

She (along with Quinn, Santana, and Brittany at various points) had finished watching five seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and two seasons of Angel and was just starting season six of Buffy. Sure, maybe it was becoming an unhealthy obsession to get through them all, but no longer being in any clubs or after-school activities had given her a lot of free time.

One of the best moments of it all was this past Tuesday after school when she'd made it to a point near the end of season two of Angel. Rachel had to immediately stop the show, call Santana, and talk her into coming over. It was only when the Latina had stepped through the door that Rachel broke their pact yet again of "no hugging" and jumped her, squeezing her for all she was worth.

"What the hell, Berry?"

"You have the most amazing taste!" Rachel had squealed, smiling manically and doing her best to keep from laughing. She was an actress after all. "You have, like, a gay man's tastes! And that's saying something! I love them so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best!" Santana had started laughing when Rachel was dancing around holding her hands, going "La, la, la, la, la! New clothes. I have new clothes!" They ended up spending the rest of the afternoon finishing that season.

Rachel shook her pom-poms yet again as she cheered for the Cheerios who were now running onto the field from the left side while Ashley cheered the marching band that was going off the field to the right. Unlike her sister, Ashley had no plans of being a Cheerio (despite the looks and the athleticism) but had huge plans of being first flute in the marching band. The Cheerios might be the big money maker for the school, but the marching band was still one of the best in the state thanks to Mr. Brad directing them. They'd performed at Disneyworld on Christmas Day just a couple of weeks ago, had marched in the Rose Bowl parade before, and had even gone to Hawaii for the Pineapple Bowl one year. After hearing how good Ashley already was the weekend before, Rachel thought they'd be lucky to have her in a couple of years.

The Cheerios, as always, were amazing. Rachel was astounded by their level of physicality, their creativity, their professionalism. And this was after getting to see them in repeated practices. She had now been to nearly every Cheerios practice since that first one, running with them on days she didn't have doctor's appointments. She was becoming something like their unofficial mascot. Between Quinn's protection, their repeated exposure to her, and Quinn, Brittany, Santana and Christy being friends with her, the rest of the Cheerios didn't even seem to hate her that much anymore. They didn't necessarily like her, but they at least tolerated her. It was more than she'd had a few months ago.

She watched with awe as Quinn and a couple of the other girls flew through the air, doing splits and backflips and all kinds of other crazy tumbling, spinning moves that she didn't know the name of. She marveled as Brittany and Christy led the girls through the dance routine. Her not-girlfriend was amazing out there, and Rachel had to apportion her time between watching Quinn flying through the air and how seductively Christy moved and danced. She was so turned on by the combination that she forgot to wonder how they didn't freeze to death out there.

After the Cheerios stellar performance, Mr. Pierce turned to the rest of them and asked, "Okay, everyone ready to go?"

Rachel had learned from Brittany that the Pierces never stayed for the entire football game. They were there just to watch Brittany and her friends perform during the half-time show. Especially on nights like tonight where the temperature was so far below freezing. Mr. and Mrs. Pierce both said they couldn't afford to get sick with their work, but Rachel kind of thought that it might have something to do with the football team being terrible for the previous two seasons they'd come to watch Brittany perform. Even now, being just two games away from the Championship couldn't change their minds.

"Absolutely," Ashley said. "It's, like, nine degrees out here. These people are totes crazy for staying for the rest of the game. Besides, the Titans are owning these losers."

"Ashley," Mrs. Pierce warned. "We don't use that word."

"Even if it's true," Mr. Pierce said jokingly as he stood to leave.

Mrs. Pierce tried to give him a reproaching look, but shook her head and sighed when his words made Ashley laugh. "Marshall, you're being just as bad an influence on her as Santana's been."

"Sorry, Lilypad," he said, bending down and pecking his wife on the lips. Turning to his youngest daughter, he added, "Ash, we don't use that word."

"Yes, dad," Ashley said, rolling her eyes and looking over at Rachel like 'come on'. Rachel just shrugged and smiled at their happy little family. She could see why Brittany was as cheerful and loving as she was.

"I'm just going to go say hey to the girls and tell them we're leaving, if you don't mind," Rachel said to Mr. and Mrs. Pierce.

"And go see your girl-friend," Ashley teased, singing the last word and causing Rachel to blush.

"It's fine," Mrs. Pierce said. "We'll just be in the car. Ashley go with Rachel and tell your sister not to stay out too late."

"But-" Ashley started to protest before a warning look from her mother stopped her. "Fine." She grabbed Rachel by her good wrist and dragged her away from her parents and down towards the Cheerios.

Ashley may not have understood, but Rachel did. She hadn't been anywhere by herself in almost a month. Quinn, Santana, or Brittany were always with her at school. Hiram had cut his hours back to always be there with her at home when she got there. Her parents hadn't gone on a date or an outing by themselves since she'd tried to kill herself. She understood their concerns, especially after her one time alone in that period had led to her being slusheed and wanting to kill herself again, but she still couldn't help but hate it a little.

Making their way down the bleachers and over to where the Cheerios were, she stood behind the short fence and gate that led out onto the field. Spotting them, Brittany ran over immediately and gave both of them hugs. Rachel loved it, especially as cold as she was, but Ashley tried to push her off, acting embarrassed. Before spending the weekend at Brittany's, Rachel might have seen that and thought she actually was embarrassed by her. Now, though, she knew how much these sisters loved each other. It made Rachel wish that she wasn't an only child. A little, anyway.

"Back off, goober," Ashley said, pushing her and causing Brittany to hug her even tighter.

"Nope," Brittany said, grinning brightly. "You're my little Ashy-bear and I… LOVE… YOU!" She shouted the last part, causing the younger girl to blush furiously and squirm away.

"Berry," Santana said, walking over. "You bitches leaving?"

"Language, Santana!" Rachel said, looking over at Ashley. "There are children about."

"'Children about?'" Ashley asked, mocking her before Santana could. "Geez, Berry, what century are you from?"

"Hey!" Santana said half-seriously, reaching over and smacking Ashley in the back of the head. "You don't get to call her Berry. Only I do."

"And Q sometimes," Brittany added helpfully, kissing Ashley on the top of the head as she was rubbing the back of it and looking wounded. She idolized Santana.

"And me, what?" Quinn asked, finally making her way over. "Hey Rachel."

"Hi, Quinn," Rachel said, smiling at the beautiful blonde.

"And Q," Santana agreed, ignoring Quinn. "Show some respect."

"Sorry, Rachel," Ashley said, looking down at her shoes.

"It's okay," Rachel said, wrapping an arm around the younger girl's shoulders. "Santana's just being all protective." Stage whispering to Ashley, she added. "She's kind of like a guard dog that way. Big and scary, but all bark and no bite." Ashley giggled at this, and Rachel smiled, adding, "And I bet she likes having her tummy scratched, too."

"She totally does," Brittany said, grinning. "She also likes to have her-" but she was interrupted by Rachel letting go of Ashley and putting a hand over Brittany's mouth.

"Children, Brittany," Rachel said. After a moment she could tell that it clicked in Brittany's head what she was warning her against saying so Rachel removed her hand.

"What I was going to say is that, um…," Brittany said. "She uh…. she also likes to have her, um…" Behind Ashley, Rachel raised her hand and wiggled her fingers, and Brittany's eyes lit up. "She likes to have her… tummy tickled!" And suddenly Brittany and Quinn were all over Santana, tickling her and causing the usually belligerent girl to giggle and laugh until she was swatting them away with tears in her eyes. Ashley and Rachel were both laughing at the sight.

"What am I missing over here?" Christy asked with a smile as she walked up.

Rachel, still blocked by the waist level (for most people at least) gate and fence, moved down a few feet and went up to Christy, throwing her arms around the girl's neck and pulling her in for a tight hug with only the chain link fence between them. "Hey," she said, almost shyly despite how she clung to the taller girl.

"Hi," Christy returned quietly.

They shared a quick kiss that had Ashley making gagging sounds beside her. Santana again reached over and smacked Ashley in the back of the head.

Rachel, still picturing how her not-girlfriend had moved out there on the field, reached out and pulled her back in for another kiss, deepening it and making out with her for a minute. It was only broken by Santana's call of "Damn, get some, Berry" which caused her to pull back, blushing and panting slightly.

"Sorry," Rachel said to Christy. "Seeing you out there on the field. It… um… yeah."

"No apologies necessary," Christy said. "I'm glad you liked it."

"I really did," Rachel said, still blushing faintly.

"Oh my God, get a room," Ashley said, this time dodging Santana's hand.

"I know where you live, you little shit," Santana warned the younger girl who only stuck her tongue out at the Latina.

"Language!"

After that, Quinn, who had walked away at some point, called the Cheerios back to the sidelines as the football teams were coming out to start the second half. Rachel took this as her cue to leave and let Ashley again pull her away by her good hand before she wrapped her arms around Rachel's entire good arm and leaned her head against her shoulder. It seemed the younger Pierce was just as much of a tactile person and her sister was. Genetics really were amazing.

They made their way to the Pierce's SUV where Rachel climbed into the back with Ashley. "Did you say hi to Christy, dear?" Mrs. Pierce asked.

"She did more than that," Ashley mumbled, pulling a smirk that Santana would have been proud of.

"I did," Rachel said quickly, looking wide-eyed at Ashley whose smirk only grew. Okay, maybe having a sibling wouldn't have been as fun as she pictured it.

The ride back to Rachel's house was thankfully uneventful as it seemed Ashley only wanted to tease Rachel a little, not embarrass her in front of Mr. and Mrs. Pierce. Once they were back at the Berry's, Rachel thanked them for bringing her home and letting her sit with them, then made her way towards the door. She paused to look at the strange black Range Rover in her driveway, but shook her head. It wasn't unheard of for her Dad to consult some nervous bride at their house so Rachel just shrugged and let herself in, waving once more at the Pierces as they headed down the street.

Inside, Rachel closed the door gently, not wanting to disturb Hiram if he was with a client. She started to make her way to the stairs, but the sounds emanating from the kitchen stopped her. She was used to hearing hysterical crying or panicked voices from strange women. She wasn't used to hearing shouting. Especially when it was coming from her Daddy. Quietly, she made her way to the entrance of the kitchen to better hear their voices.

"But she's not your daughter, though!" Leroy shouted. "And you had no right to contact her! Not until she was eighteen. And the only reason we're not pushing this matter further legally is because of Quinn. So you have her to thank that we're not suing you for all you're worth."

No. It couldn't be her. Not now. Everything was getting better. Rachel was dealing. Maybe not well, not always, but she was getting better. She was coping. Now… She couldn't be here now. She couldn't deal with this now.

"You still should have told me!" Shelby yelled back. "I shouldn't have had to find out from some kid's website that a friend linked to me. I may not have any legal rights to her, but she's still my daughter. I still care about her."

"Yeah, it was real obvious how much you cared when you replaced her with another child," Leroy yelled. "It was one of the reasons Rachel tried to kill herself. Because you didn't want her. And now you're coming back and saying you care? You can't screw around with our baby's emotions like that, Shelby!"

"Lee," Hiram said cautiously. "Maybe… maybe this could be good for Rachel. Maybe-"

But Hiram was cut off from whatever else he was going to say by Rachel's sudden appearance. She walked into the kitchen, noting as she passed Hiram sitting at the table in the breakfast nook while Leroy and Shelby faced off from different sides of the island. They were all stunned into speechlessness as she passed them.

She went right to the cabinet, opening it up for a cup. Eyes falling on the star glass Shelby had given her, she plucked it from the shelf and smashed it to the floor, completely ignoring the gasps this evoked from her captive audience.

Rachel pulled out a plastic cup, turned to the faucet, and filled it with cold water. From the cabinet she pulled her pill bottle and popped the top off of it, taking one of the antianxiety pills that were made for just such an occasion. If Quinn had been there, she probably would have been proud that Rachel took one before she had a breakdown rather than having to force her to take one. After the pill was swallowed, she calmly put the top back on the bottle and walked back the way she came.

"Rachel…" Hiram finally tried speaking. "Rachel we need-"

Rachel was already running up the stairs. Getting to her room, she shut her door for the first time in a month, locking it and sitting down in front of it. She was able to get her phone out of her purse before the tears finally started falling. With shaky hands, she sent a text, hoping to God that she would get there soon.

From Rachel: Please, Quinn, I need you here. I'm at home. Shelby's here. I can't…

It took twenty minutes before she got a reply, twenty minutes during which Hiram, Leroy, and Shelby all banged on the door and tried to talk to her, reason with her. Keep her from killing herself. She reassured Leroy that she wouldn't end her life, but that was all she managed to say. Other than that, she just petted Babs while the kitten curled up in her lap and let the tears silently fall.

Twenty minutes later, she got a three word message back.

From Quinn: On my way.