Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything in the Twiverse. No copyright infringement intended.

A few A/Ns:

MANY thanks for all the reviews. They blessed me tremendously, and I hope you will keep them up. It is so encouraging and necessary to hear your thoughts and questions. They TRULY affect the story and make it better.

God Bless my Hubby who helped me get past Brittany's passing. It was really tough for me to destroy the sweet girl I'd created, yet I've known since the beginning that it had to be done.

Lastly, Brittany's storyline is dedicated to my dear friend of thirty years, Ebony, who died last August from breast cancer. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye because she didn't tell us that she was sick again, and her death still haunts me. Her story and Brittany's are verydifferent, but a heartbreaking loss is still a loss.

Anyway, I humbly submit Chapter 18.

Chapter 18: My Grieving Angel

Edward's POV

"Edward!" Bella exclaimed when she tumbled out of the bathroom and into my arms.

"I'm here, Love."

Bella buried her face in my neck as we sat on the bench. "She's dead, Edward."

"I know, Love." I had been waiting impatiently at our table, my knee bobbing with anticipation of the sacred delights Bella and I were going to share, when Alice showed me Bella's sudden decision to hide in her bathroom stall. I had almost laughed, wondering what my silly girl was up to, when I heard the shocking thoughts of the two women who had entered the bathroom. I was on my feet before they spoke their first word. "I got here as soon as I could."

"How could this have happened?" she muttered miserably.

"I don't know, Love." I rubbed her naked back in slow circles.

"She was so… and I had just… and now…."

I was a useless broken record. "I know, Love."

Tears were threatening—I could smell the salty moisture as it collected in her eyes—but she shook her head and stood up. "Could we go home, please?" I kissed her hand, touched that she thought of my house as her home, and led her out of the hotel through a side door. As no one at the hospital knew about Brittany yet, Alice promised to not to tell our family until after the Ball.

I drove Bella to our home in silence, one hand clasped in hers from the time we rose from the hotel bench until she released my hand in front of the bureau in my bedroom. Bella pulled out some clothes and fluffy socks from one of her drawers and headed into my bathroom. I heard the first sexy shoe drop and the slinky collapse of the golden gown as it pooled into a heap on the ceramic floor, all fantasies of seeing the silky skin beneath it now banished to the background of my mind. When the water started running in the sink, I changed my clothes quickly, wanting to be available the moment her feelings overtook her.

Bella opened the bathroom door, fresh-faced and somber, and glanced around. A new moon shone despite the covering clouds, bathing my entire bedroom in a soft white light. A steady rain had begun to fall, its staccato rhythm tapping beneath her lullaby as it repeated in my stereo.

With a sigh, Bella climbed into bed and wrapped herself in the blanket before nestling in my arms. I was waiting for her questions, longing to hear her thoughts, but without as much as a "Good night," she soon drifted off to sleep. I had expected her to cry or try to contact Charlie at the very least, but perhaps getting some rest would be best. I kissed her temple as her breathing slowed and deepened, closed my eyes, and didn't open them until I heard Rosalie's car pulling into the garage.

Alice broke the news to Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose in the family room—she'd had to tell Jasper as soon as her mood shifted at the Ball—and their astonishment was substantial. Their thoughts immediately drifted toward Bella, so I disentangled myself from her sleeping embrace and headed downstairs.

The conversation I had with my family was brief as there were very few known details. I had followed Madeleine's thoughts until she drove out of my listening range but hadn't learned anything new. Emmett had considered running to the Young's house to see what he could overhear, but Esme felt that would be in poor taste.

"Your heart is in the right place," Esme had said, recognizing his concern for Bella. "But we should let the family deal with this privately." Then she turned to me. "Did you ever hear anything?"

I shook my head. To escape the banality of human reasoning, I kept a practice of reading minds only when absolutely necessary, and those occasions were almost non-existent at Forks High until Bella arrived. As a result, Brittany's thoughts were no more familiar to me than the chubby cafeteria matron who never seemed to wear her hairnet.

"And none of my colleagues were treating her," Carlisle added. "I would have heard about it."

"Do you think it was one of our kind?" Rosalie asked.

"Impossible," Jasper replied. "No vampire would have the wherewithal or restraint to bypass so many other humans to randomly target Brittany."

"Besides," Alice said. "We are the only vampires within one hundred miles of here. Of that much, I am positively certain."

I tried to take comfort in that small consolation, but Bella's deflated appearance when she emerged from the hotel bathroom earlier wouldn't let me relax so easily.

As Esme wondered aloud what we should do next, I heard a disconcerting hitch in Bella's breathing. I left my family staring at my back and sped upstairs to Bella's side. I slid into bed with as little movement as possible, and Bella rolled into me. She was luminous and lovely even in her sad slumber, and my heart swelled with the need to protect her from everything… including the secret workings of my mind.

I would never admit as much to Bella, but a year ago, Brittany's death would have mattered very little to me. I might have been somewhat sorry that her life had ended or idly wondered how her parents would fare without her, but as vampires had no innate capacity to empathize with human loss—due perhaps to the genetic flaw prompting us to survive on their blood—seldom did the death of a human affect us beyond the basic concern that the vegetarian lifestyle afforded us.

All of that indifference was challenged when Bella entered our lives and reacquainted us with the delicate beauty of the human world. Carlisle had never forgotten it for a moment, but the rest of us only gave it a cursory glance at best. But because of our love for Bella, Brittany's death was penetrating our immutable natures. And as my family began to scatter in the rooms below, I could hear that they were hurting.

Alice already missed Brittany. Her spunky spirit reminded Alice of the discarded girl who had almost died in that Biloxi asylum, and she retreated to the window seat in her bedroom lost in thoughts of who she might have been. Human death always caused Carlisle and Esme to think about what might have happened had he not rescued her, and their feelings were tender as they retired to their bedroom. Jasper was overwhelmed by the climate in the house, so he fled to the forest until our emotions stabilized. Emmett decided to accompany him as Rosalie wished to be alone. Brittany's death was forcing Rose to confront her longstanding wish that she were still human, and the reconciliation was proving more difficult than she imagined.

As for the seventeen-year-old boy who had lost both of his parents and had few human memories to mourn, my only thoughts were of the incredible woman lying in my arms. And in spite of my empathy that her friend had died, I was unspeakably thankful that in spite of all we had been through, Bella was still here with me. I hugged her closer and listened to the beautiful beating of her heart, praying that its music would never stop.

—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—

Midnight passed, and the morning came, and my position next to Bella had not changed. It was in rare times like these that I was grateful to be a vampire. I didn't have to eat, drink, relieve myself, or lose any hours to sleep. I could keep constant vigil over my angel and be ready to assist her at a moment's notice.

Bella's breathing began to change, and I realized that she was waking up. I loosened my hold to give her some room and waited for her first blink of the day.

"Is it late?" she asked with a lazy yawn.

"Just past eleven."

She rolled onto her back and stretched, and I chided myself for noticing how her body moved and flexed beneath her clothes. Even half-awake and mourning, she was exquisite.

"Did my phone ring?"

I moved away to retrieve her phone from my nightstand. "Charlie called."

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, drawing her knees to her chest. "What did you say?"

"Alice told him that you were asleep and would call him later."

She looked at me for the first time. "Thanks."

"May I get you anything?" Her eyes were haunting me. "Juice? Fruit? A box of chocolates?"

"Just you." A small smile touched the corners of her perfect mouth. "Come closer."

Arranging myself behind her on the bed, I tucked her into the blankets and held her as tightly as I could without hurting her. She seemed so fragile and sad, and I felt wholly inadequate to fix it. Her fingers found my face and caressed my cheek. "How are you?" she asked.

The minimal difference in our body temperatures alarmed me, and I made a mental note to buy a space heater for the coming colder months. "I'm fine."

She laughed dryly. "You hate when I say that."

"True."

My brain was scrambling for the right thing to say, the words that would erase her pain and bring back that light that had danced in her eyes at the Ball. But my creativity was clogged, so I had to settle for the bald truth. "I don't how to help you."

"You are helping me," she said into my chest.

"I wish I could do more."

"There's nothing you can do, Edward," she sighed. "Brittany is gone, and nothing in the world can change that."

Her words were tough, but they lost their conviction toward the end. She trembled and sniffed, the inaugural tears staining my shirt. I cursed my ineptitude and cradled her closer, murmuring soft apologies into her hair as I tried to think of what to do to make her feel better.

The rest of the house was quiet. Esme and Carlisle were at the hospital where she would spend the day in the cafeteria just to steal a few moments with him between patients. Alice and Rosalie had gone to retrieve their mates and were considering a day-long, round-trip run to Canada. My family's reasons for leaving were legitimate, but I knew they were really just giving Bella some privacy, something for which she would have been both grateful and embarrassed about if she knew.

Bella's silent, sporadic tears continued to fall as her lullaby played for the one hundred twenty-seventh consecutive time. I'd turned it off for a moment during the night, but when the music stopped, her sleep became fitful. So I let the melody loop into her subconscious, hopefully reminding her of happier times.

I closed my eyes against the sounds of her heartache and began humming a countermelody to her lullaby. Its melancholy notes expressed what my words could not, and I thought Bella liked it because she gripped me tighter. I planted kisses in her hair as the complicated tune whirled around us. She turned in my arms, and as she lifted her head, my lips touched her forehead, her nose, and finally came to a stop against her mouth. Her lips were warm and soft, and to my great shame, a wave of passion flooded my body. I tucked it away for another day, focusing instead on comforting Bella.

She sighed under my kiss, and I pressed my lips to hers again, cupping her face in my hands.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Thank you," she said, her husky tone surprising me.

Before I could reply, she was leaning in to kiss me. I responded in kind, straining to keep my surging libido in check. Holding Bella so closely was always arousing, but anything beyond a chaste kiss or two would be highly inappropriate right now. Bella was grieving, and this was no time to take advantage of her lowered defenses.

I indulged myself at her mouth as mildly as I could, yet my body continued its betrayal as Bella wrapped her arms around me. I shifted my hips away from her and laid her down, confused when she discarded the blanket between us. I wondered if she wanted a different covering, but she clung to my lips, giving me no opportunity to inquire. Although I was enjoying myself immensely, I was supposed to be putting Bella's needs ahead of my own. So I broke away from her lips and kissed her cheeks, chin, and nose, intending to stop and ask her if she needed anything.

But she kissed me again before I could speak, parting her lips the instant we touched. Her warm, unique scent invaded my mouth, and I was caught off-guard by its deliciously musky notes. Bella was inadvertently undermining my attempts to tread lightly, but I would not be dissuaded. I swept my mouth along her jawline, and she arched into me, pulling me closer. I was excited by her touch yet disturbed by her expectation that I would push things further at a time like this.

I tried to pull away and correct her presumption but found that Bella's arms were locked behind my neck. Breaking her hold would have required no effort, but when she shook her head as I attempted to distance myself from her, it occurred to me for the first time that maybe she didn't want me to move. I looked up into her shining cocoa eyes and discovered a yearning so powerful that it made me shiver.

Bella wanted me?

Now?

No. That couldn't be right.

It was illogical to think that Bella could have me on her mind after learning of her friend's death twelve hours ago. I remembered the last time I mistook one of her strong emotional responses for arousal, and I could not afford to be so wrong again.

But as she stared at my mouth and ran her hands through my hair, I began to doubt my doubts. Her breaths were shallow and sweet, showering me with her scent with every exhale. She whispered my name as she brought her lips to mine, expertly chipping away at my vow of chastity.

I rolled her onto her back as she deepened our kiss with a quick slip of her tongue. I filled my hands with her hair and devoured her mouth, last night's pent-up passion returning with a vengeance. I tasted her sadness, her vulnerability, her ardor, and drank them all, thirsty for more. She wrapped her long legs around my hips as our lips and tongues became feverish and desperate.

I dragged my mouth away so that she could catch her breath and peppered her jaw and throat with kisses.

"Edward, please…" Her voice shook with need. "Just… please…"

Her passionate plea snapped the final string of my hesitation, and I growled into her neck. Her fragrance was strongest at her pulse points, and I kissed and sucked the delicate skin until her flavor burned in my throat. The scorching sensation intensified my arousal, and I had to remind myself to use restraint lest I crush her with my rising hunger.

I returned to her mouth with all the caution I could muster, distracted by the feel of her hands beneath my t-shirt. Her touch was soft yet certain on my back, and as she made her way toward the elastic band of my sweatpants, I nearly ripped the headboard to shreds. She slipped her hands inside my pants, the heat from her palms searing the cold skin beneath my boxer briefs, and I grabbed two fistfuls of her buttoned nightshirt and tore it apart, causing Bella to cry out. I attacked her mouth as she pulled me closer, swallowing the sultry sound with a groan.

I looked into her wide eyes as her panting continued then focused on the heathered cotton of her sports bra. I rolled my face above her hidden bosom before taking her bra between my teeth. She gasped and dragged her nails across my buttocks as I ripped her bra to shreds, pieces of gray fabric falling all around us. Her bare, supple flesh demanded my attention, and I took her left breast into my mouth. My tongue swirled and lapped at her rosy peak, instantly intoxicated by her tastes and sounds.

"Yes…" She breathed. "Edward, yes…"

Her sighs of satisfaction urged me on, and I raised my head to sample her other breast. She took advantage of the moment and lifted my shirt. I paused long enough for her to take it over my head then brought my lips to her right breast.

Bella whimpered when my tongue flicked her nipple, and the anguished sound reminded me of the tremor in her voice when she told me about Brittany's death. I shoved that thought aside as my mouth made its way down her smooth belly, but when she gasped again, I found myself at a crossroads. Idling between her navel and the top of her pajama shorts, I kissed her skin as my dilemma crystallized.

There was little question that Bella would let me go as far as I dared. She had not stopped me from the moment I kissed her hair, and from the way her hands were tugging at my bottoms, she wanted me as badly as I wanted her.

But as she trembled beneath my lingering kisses to her abdomen, I wondered if this was right. The marriage debate aside, did we really want our first time to be in reaction to our young friend's death? Was her rushing desire about us? Or was she searching for something… anything… to override her heartache? I couldn't blame her for the impulse nor would I refuse if sex was what she really wanted. But wouldn't she regret the decision later? After the sweat and tears were dry, wouldn't she wish that she had waited? Wouldn't I?

And if I stopped to ask these questions, would she understand that I wasn't rejecting her? That I was trying to preserve our lovemaking for a moment that was ours and ours alone? That I was only thinking of her long-term happiness, even if my actions hurt her in the short run?

Would we ever escape this infernal loop of misunderstandings?

As I weighed which of the two unpleasant possibilities-regret now or regret later-would be worse, the right answer made itself clear. Although I was no longer foolish enough to make her decisions for her, we needed to talk about what we were doing here. And based on Bella's emotional state, it was up to me to initiate the discussion.

Bella's moaning had simmered along with my kisses, and her hands were lightly caressing my bare back as my lips tenderly reacquainted themselves with her breasts and collarbone. I gathered my courage as I approached her angelic face, and I soon realized that heroics wouldn't be necessary. Confusion and shame were swimming in her eyes, threatening to spill onto her cheeks.

She tried to turn away, but I gingerly took her face into my hands and held her gaze. "Don't hide, Love," I whispered. "Please."

"I…" She shook her head. "I can't, um... I just… I mean, I want to…"

I wiped away her tears with my thumb. "It's okay."

She raised her eyes to mine and exhaled a shaky breath. "I love you."

I smiled and kissed her forehead as the right words presented themselves. "I know, Love."

She bit her bottom lip as her emotions overflowed, and I enveloped her in my arms. Our perfect moment would come at another time. For now, I was content to just be with my angel, to love her and hold her and never let her go.

Please review this chapter. I need to know how you feel about the direction this story is taking.