Dreams and Reality
A/N: I got the idea for this story while watching an episode of Bones
I want to say a big thank you to Allthingsmagical which without her this story could not have been done. Thank you I love ya girl x
Rating M
WARNING ABUSE AND NASTY WORDS, DARK THEMES DON'T LIKE DON'T READ YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Chapter seven
Arthur smiled as he watched his son play with his toys in the living room, the two years hadn't been easy for the little boy but everyone could see that he was just so happy to have his papa back, even Luke's nursery teacher's had noticed that Arthur was in a lot of his drawings and Arthur was even Luke's show and tell for the day.
Arthur himself loved spending so much time with his young son, he knew that if he had never been shot that he would never get time to spend with Luke or Merlin but now everything was different, better and Arthur planned to keep it that way.
Grabbing his walking stick Arthur got to his feet and walked into the kitchen.
"Buddy fancy some take out?" Arthur called.
Merlin walked up to Arthur and leaned towards him whispering in his ear. "The only take out I am wanting is the taking out and putting back in of your cock in me."
"Sweetheart what has gotten into you lately? You're more honry than I remember you to be." Arthur laughed.
"Arthur for two years you were in a coma every day I knew you would fight and come back to me eventually but there was always that little voice that said I had lost you. You saying no to sex when Luke is asleep?" he asked, kissing Arthur's lobe.
"I would never say no to you sweetheart. I've missed you just as much." Arthur smiled.
"Daddy is papa's legs gone jelly again?" Luke asked walking into the kitchen.
Merlin smiled. "Papa is fine sweetheart."
Luke smiled. "Me hug too then?"
Merlin laughed and picked their son up. "You hug too sweetheart."
Arthur smiled at his family. "I really did miss this so much."
"I missed you too Papa. It wasn't very nice that the bad man tried to take you." Luke replied resting his head on Merlin's chest one of his little hands holding onto Arthur's shirt.
"Oh bubby you don't know how much I missed seeing you. You and daddy are the best part of my life." Arthur smiled and kissed the top of Luke's head.
"What was it like papa?" Luke wondered.
Arthur looked down at his son before shaking his head. "It's was scary but nothing us Pendragon's can't handle." Arthur smiled but he did catch Merlin shaking his head at his lie, they both knew that Arthur still woke in the middle of the night from nightmares and that even though it had gotten easy Arthur still couldn't bring himself to go to sleep sometimes.
Merlin stepped back, sighing and showing Arthur the disappointment in his face before heading into the kitchen. "Come on sweetheart time for dinner."
"What we having daddy?" Luke asked.
Arthur sighed and made himself follow his husband, he knew that Merlin wanted him to talk about it and that it would help but Arthur could never bring himself to say what he had lived thought out loud, dream or not.
"Papa how are your legs?" Luke asked after dinner was all cleared away.
"Better, Mary said I only need this stick for a few more months then I'll be able to walk on my own." Arthur smiled.
"So can you crawl?" Luke replied.
"Umm I don't know son. Why do you ask?" Arthur wondered.
"Benny is a poopyhead who's mean. He said you couldn't crawl around and play with me 'cos you got jelly legs." Luke answered.
"Poopyhead is not a nice word sweetheart." Merlin said, getting on his knees and sitting next to Luke.
"But he's a meanie." Luke pouted.
"Luke sweetheart he doesn't hit you or anything does he?"
Arthur slowly moved himself onto the floor so he was on the other side of Luke.
"No daddy, he just a big smelly meanie. Annie say its 'cos I have two daddies and he only has one daddy so I'm twice as lucky than him. But he mean and say bad words." Luke replied looking over to where Arthur was sitting before realising that his papa was on the floor next to him, carefully Luke climbed onto Arthur's lap and rest his head on his papa's chest.
"Arthur..." Merlin gasped, looking shocked at his husband.
"What?" Arthur asked smiling.
"Baby you are on the floor, on your knees!"
Arthur smiled. "So I am." Arthur looked down at his son and smiled. "Benny is just a bully son, and us Pendragon's we stand up to bullies. I might not be able to crawl around on the floor with you for a long period of time but we can sit on the floor and play as many games as you want. And soon I'm going to be able to run around with you in the park and teach you to play football. I promise."
"That's right baby boy, Pendragon's stand up to bullies." Merlin sighed. "Time to get ready for bed sweetheart." he said picking Luke up as he stood up.
"I'll be in soon to read to you buddy." Arthur smiled as he watched his family walk out of the living room. "Okay now how do I get off the floor?" Arthur asked.
Arthur tried to use his walking stick to help him up and it worked a bit he was halfway off the floor when the walking stick moved and he fell.
Merlin came running in at the sound of the bang. "Arthur!" he gasped, hurrying over. "Oh this is my fault I should have helped you up before leaving." Merlin said as he got to his knees, tears escaping his eyes.
"No need for tears sweetheart." Arthur smiled as he wiped them away. "I need to learn how to get up I did make a promise to a special little boy that we could play on the floor. I just need to practice"
"I know but you are still learning and I walked away and left you just because I-" Merlin stopped.
"It's not your fault, I know you Merlin. Don't blame yourself please." Arthur whispered.
"But I do. I walked away leaving you to get up alone when I shouldn't have just because I was mad at you and now you are hurt."
"Mad at me? Why? I thought you would be happy about this." Arthur asked confused.
"Arthur you are not talking about these nightmares you are having and you need to truly move on. And this you are telling Luke about Pendragon's fight, if that is true then why are you proving it by fighting this and talking about your fears."
Arthur sighed. "Merlin I'm talking about this okay. It was just a nightmare. You said when I woke up that it was bound to happen but they go away with time. And who said I'm not fighting? I have to make myself sleep Merlin, I'm fighting to get back on my feet to remake my life. So don't tell me I'm not fighting because I am."
"Fighting to walk and sleep at night yes but obviously not fighting your nightmares as you keep having them again and again! You need to talk about them Arthur."
Arthur grabbed his walking stick and placed his other hand on the back of the seat before pulling himself up to his feet. "See I didn't need help."
Merlin turned and walked away before turning and walking back. "I didn't say you needed help with your walking as you are fighting it every day and not giving up, not letting a setback get you down like before if anything it only makes you more determined and I am proud of that, proud of you, what I hate is that you won't share with me what haunts your dreams. If Luke has a nightmare and wakes up screaming you tell him to share and he does no matter how scared he is, why are you so different. If a three year old can share his nightmares so can you."
"His nightmares have nothing on mine, I'm dealing with it Merlin please I don't..." Arthur stopped.
"How do I know his nightmares are nothing on yours if you don't talk about them, when we got married we promised each other no secrets, when you woke up from that coma, both of us thankful you had another chance with life again we promised no more secrets and here you are breaking it." Merlin ran his hand through his hair, "I'm going to put our son to bed."
"No I promised him a story, I'll do it." Arthur replied walking out of the room. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm not talking about it because I want to protect you because I know how bad it really was and I want to share you that pain. Because I know you Merlin and you know, I would never say or do anything that would bring tears to your eyes." Arthur sighed and left the room.
Angry that Arthur left before he could answer kicked the chair hating it afterwards as it caused him pain, sighing he picked up the empty cup he had his coffee in and lumped from the room and into the kitchen.
"Papa are you and daddy fighting?" Luke asked as Arthur walked into the room.
"No pal, just talking loudly. Now shall we read a story?" Arthur asked moving so he could sit next to his son on the bed.
Merlin, after washing up and clearing everything away wobbled upstairs as best he could and past his sons room, hearing Arthur reading their son a bedtime story, he continued past and into his and Arthur's room where he stripped and washed before getting into bed, bending forwards slightly, holding his right foot in his hand and examining his toes, they hurt slightly to bend them and felt hot to touch. Sighing Merlin laid back against the headboard and put his glasses on before picking up his book.
Moments later Arthur walked into the room and sighed as he headed to the bathroom to wash and get ready for bed, once he was all clean Arthur headed back to their room and got into the bed and closed his eyes, he didn't want to see the hurt look on Merlin's face.
"I know why you have closed your eyes, it is because you don't want and don't like to see me hurt, if it is because of that then why not do something about it."
"Like what? Sleep in the guest room?" Arthur sighed.
"Don't be ridiculous. Arthur since we have been together we have always cleared the air before going to sleep."
"But this time is different. I can't even give you the answers you want." Arthur replied.
"I want you to say yes when I ask you to share your nightmares. Please Arthur that is all I ask of you."
"But my nightmares are memories Merlin, your asking me to share what happened to me in the coma."
"Yes I am, how can I say I know all about you when I don't."
Arthur sighed and moved his body so he could sit up in bed. "Why do you want to know so much? Why are you asking me to hurt you, to upset you? Why can't you just let this one of those time where I protect you."
"Because I want to know Arthur, I know you love me and want to protect me but you can not wrap me in cotton wool, when I get a patient who dies on my table and their relatives in bereavement blame me telling me they wish it was me and not them can you protect me then? No. Arthur I know it may bring tears to my eyes but you did not cause those tears, I did by asking you to share."
Arthur shook his head. "You never told me you that."
"No because it is something to do with work, this is something to do with you."
"Why is it okay for you to keep things from me and not the other way round?" Arthur asked.
"Because Arthur what they say to me is through bereavement what I know they don't mean it also doesn't haunt my dreams night after night. Please Arthur."
Arthur looked away from Merlin. "I don't...what is it you want to know?"
"Everything. All of your nightmares, what they entail which ones are worse, how they make you feel."
"You get 5 questions, and My nightmare is always the same and I wake up feeling... well glad it was just a nightmare. But if you really wish to know what haunts me then I'll tell you." Arthur answered.
Merlin turned as best he could and placed his hands on Arthur's. "Thank you."
For the next hour Arthur told Merlin everything that happened during his coma, how his life was, the rules he had to follow and how it all made him feel, how he always found himself thinking of Merlin and Luke before finally get to the bloody end.
"Every night I close my eyes and I'm his toy." Arthur closed his eyes to hold off his tears.
Merlin moved over and took Arthur in his arms. "We will get you through this. Now you have shared they will get easier. I promise." he said, kissing the side of the blonds head. When Arthur laid down and closed his eyes, Merlin waited a few minutes until he knew Arthur was asleep before heading to the bathroom to cry for his husband. He threw the covers back and got out of bed and limped out of the room and to the bathroom, trying to walk as quick as he could so he could let the tears fall.
Arthur opened his eyes when he felt the bed move and frowned when he saw Merlin leaving the room but limping as he went, when did Merlin hurt himself, he was fine before he put Luke to bed. Getting out of bed himself with the help of his stick Arthur quietly followed Merlin.
After crying all he could Merlin washed his face and took a few deep breaths before leaving the bathroom, jumping when he saw Arthur standing there. "Arthur, you made me jump."
"Are you hurt?"
"No just washing my face before getting down to go to sleep. You need the bathroom?"
"I saw you limping, your hurt?"
Merlin sighed. "I got angry when you had the last word before leaving the living room to read Luke a story. I kicked the chair harder than I thought and now I can barely walk on it, my toes are hot and I can hardly bend them."
"Let's get you back to bed sweetheart. I'll let you use my walking stick." Arthur smiled.
Merlin laughed. "What a pair we are, you walking with a walking stick me limping."
"You know sweetheart there is nothing wrong with my back, let me carry you and I am not taking no for an answer, now get on."
Merlin laughed and carefully got on Arthur's back, Arthur holding him as best he could with his left hand as he used his right hand for his stick.
"Faster." Merlin laughed as Arthur set off to their room.
Arthur stopped. "Did you just kick me?"
"Now whose wasting time, and no my leg slipped. Faster... faster..." Merlin said, making then both laugh.
Please R&R and thank you for reading