The Chance to Fly, Chapter Eight
A.N: Hello dear readers! Thank-you for sticking with this story, and thank-you for all your reviews, they really do fuel the writing. I think it's time for a little more tension, and a little bit of internal turmoil for our lovely Anna... And a little more insight into Hans and Elsa's relationship. I know it seems like this story is dragging on a bit, but I promise you I know where it's going, and you will all get what you want... eventually!
Keep sending me your feedback, and I'll try to keep up with the updates!
When Anna lay in her bed after returning from dinner at Hans and Elsa's apartment, she no longer felt tired. Instead, she felt quite opposite. Less than half an hour earlier she had been barely able to keep her head from dropping onto the table. Now, snug in her bed, she was wide-awake. Anna's mind was replaying every moment of the evening, or specifically, every Elsa related moment. Every smile, every inadvertent touch of feet under the table, every moment of eye contact, all of it whirled around Anna's mind on some kind of dizzy merry-go-round.
But her thoughts were not the only thing keeping sleep at bay. Since settling into her bed, she heard intermittent noises from beyond her wall. Never before had she heard such soft sounds so clearly from the next door apartment. Maybe I'm just super attuned to all things Elsa, Anna thought self-indulgently. These noises were not the heart-breaking sobs that she had overheard what felt like months ago, but was little more than one week previous. Tonight, the sounds from next door were more muted. Anna could, every now and then, hear Hans' booming laugh through the wall behind her bed punctuated by his energetic yet indecipherable chatter. And, if she listened very carefully, she thought she could also hear the gentle tones of Elsa's voice. Although, admittedly, Anna was quite tired, despite being unable to sleep, and could easily have imagined the blonde's muffled words reaching her ears.
And so Anna lay there, listening to the noises from next door and straining her ears for Elsa. Some time later, when the sounds had ebbed away and Anna was finally on the brink of sleep, a thought occurred to her.
What if I hear them having sex?!
It was not a thought that Anna was particularly proud of allowing to permeate her weary mind, but it had ventured in uninvited and set up camp. The minute the possibility had occurred to her Anna felt her face flood with a strange hot-cold mix than flowed over her cheeks and ran throughout her body until every inch of her skin felt uncomfortable. The idea of hearing her new neighbours in the throes of passion, of hearing Elsa in that state, Anna's head couldn't cope with the thought. She wondered exactly how Elsa would sound; what noises would escape quiet, reserved Elsa when she was at her least controlled. Anna felt her flush deepen, and with it an increased sense of guilt. It was an irrational reaction, but after yet more time spent with Elsa, Anna simply did not think she'd be able to cope with actually hearing Elsa and her boyfriend. Seeing the pair together as she had left their apartment had begun to burn a small hole in Anna's heart that night, even now she could feel the singed edges of that hole crackling painfully in her chest. She liked Hans, he was a great guy and so easy to be around. And Elsa… Well, if it hadn't already been clear in Anna's mind, it certainly was now. Anna was well on her way to falling for the blonde next door.
To begin with, Anna was sure that what she felt was pure attraction. What self-respecting man – or girl who likes girls – would not be attracted to Elsa? She was perfection personified. But now… Now, Anna knew she was in too deep entirely. She was struggling against her feelings. Where before, the desire for Elsa felt new and like a perfectly harmless secret, now it was beginning to hurt a little bit, it was becoming an ache.
As Anna tortured herself with thoughts of Elsa and Hans together, she was powerless to quash the groan of mild anguish that escaped her. She rolled onto her side and pulled her knees up to her chest, flopping a pillow over her head – the noise from next door had fallen silent, but the possibility of it reoccurring was making Anna feel vulnerable. Anna was unaccustomed to feelings of emotional turmoil. Sure, she had arguments with her brother sometimes. Sometimes (around once a month in fact) she felt closer to breaking point than usual. Sometimes she feared that she was a 23 year old who had never had a real relationship and wondered just how weird a person that made her. But mostly, Anna kept negative emotions at bay. She was, as a rule, pretty down to earth. This thing with Elsa was twisting her up now, and she had to put a stop to it.
As the minutes ticked by, Anna began to form a half-asleep solution. If she was going to rid herself of this guilt and turmoil, she would need to rid herself of her feelings for Elsa, to rid herself of her feelings for Elsa she would need to… Well, Anna could work out the finer points in the morning. But there could definitely be no more of those hugs that smelled like fresh linen and frosty mornings. They had to stop.
It was with that solution in mind that Anna began to feel a little bit easier about the situation she had found herself in. And it was with her new 'plan' in mind that she at last slipped into sleep.
The next morning found Kristoff and Anna sitting opposite each other at the small round table in the kitchen, both hunched sleepily over their cereal bowls.
"So dinner last night was good." Anna ventured.
Kristoff grunted in response.
"You and Hans seemed to hit it off." She continued.
"Yeah, he's cool. That Elsa chick is a bit weird though, kind of cold." Kristoff answered.
At her brother's words Anna felt her shoulders tense. Elsa wasn't weird. She was quiet, sure. But quiet and weird are not the same thing. Elsa is caring, she's surprisingly warm, she's funny sometimes. She's not weird.
No, Anna, remember, you're trying to stop this silly little crush you've let yourself develop.
"She's quiet, I guess." Anna conceded. The moment she had spoken, she felt bad. "But she's awesome." Anna added after a short pause, unable to stop herself, "She's not normally so quiet. She's shy, I think."
Kristoff looked up from his cereal bowl and eyeballed his sister for a moment. Anna felt a blush arise on her cheeks, and she promptly stuck an overloaded spoonful of cereal into her mouth and shrugged. Kristoff grunted once more and stood from the table, taking his now empty bowl over to the sink.
"Right." He said, "I'm going for a meeting with the sponsors. Try to behave yourself." Kristoff finished with a teasing grin and then headed to his room to get ready.
"Yes, mother." Anna replied, knowing exactly how to respond to her brother's patronising tendencies.
This morning, Anna had a meeting as well. Well, it wasn't a meeting in the sense that Kristoff had a meeting, but Anna did need to go and pick up her wages from Oaken. She waited until Kristoff was out of the room and lifted her cereal bowl to her lips, draining the dregs of milky cereal mush. She dumped her bowl in the sink, wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and grabbed her keys from the counter.
"Later Kristoff!" Anna called over her shoulder as she shut the front door behind herself. There may have been another grunted response from her brother's room, but if there was then Anna did not catch it. It seemed Kristoff may have had more than his usual amount of glasses of wine at dinner the previous night, as the guy was usually more eloquent in the mornings than he had been over breakfast. Anna smiled to herself at the thought. There were still come things she could handle better than her big brother.
Chuckling slightly, Anna stepped off the exterior doormat in the hallway and immediately tripped over.
"What the?!" Anna exclaimed as she just managed to stop herself from hitting the deck completely. She spun around to see what had forced her from her feet. There on the doormat was a black cat, curled up but with his head raised. On his face there was a disgruntled expression, as though Anna had disrupted the slumbering feline with her clumsiness.
"Kai!" Anna cried. "What are you doing there?" She asked. Thankfully, Anna wasn't quite mad enough to expect a reply.
Kai stood and stretched, smacking his lips a couple of times sleepily, and then made his way to where Anna was considering him from across the hall. As he reached her, he pushed himself up slightly on his hind legs and headbutted Anna in the knee. He pushed his head against her leg and rubbed it back and forth. Anna could hear a quiet purr rumbling from the cat.
"I'm not sure you're supposed to be out here." Anna smiled, crouching down to stroke the inky black creature. She looked up the hall towards the door of number seven expecting to see Elsa or Hans watching her altercation with their pet. But there was nobody there. Anna slipped both her arms beneath Kai's furry stomach and lifted him up as she stood. The cat rested his front paws on her bicep and settled quite happily in her arms. The redhead carried him back to his rightful home and knocked at the door. After a minute or two of waiting, the door was opened and Elsa stood before Anna.
"Hey. I think this belongs to you." Anna said, smiling at the still-purring cat in her arms. Elsa looked startled to see Anna, and even more startled to see Kai with her.
"Where did you… What?" Elsa stuttered looking between Anna and the cat and then back into her own apartment, as if double-checking that Kai really wasn't inside, as though Anna might have brought her some other black cat. Seeing no furry shape inside, Elsa turned back to Anna. It was then that she realised the strangest part of this surprise visit. "He let you pick him up?" She asked.
"Well… yeah." Anna answered, lifting her arms slightly as though to prove that there was definitely a cat currently in them.
"He never lets anyone pick him up. Except me." Elsa said quietly.
"Oh… I'm sorry?" Anna posed her statement as though it was a question. She wasn't sure if Elsa was upset that someone other than herself had bonded with her pet, or whether she should now be wary of the purring beast.
"No! It's good! It's fine. I mean… it's…" Elsa spoke quickly to reassure the redhead and then trailed off thoughtfully, still eyeing the pair in front of her.
The pause in conversation allowed Anna a chance to notice the appearance of the blonde. She was, Anna observed, wearing a dressing robe. A thin, white, dressing robe, made of some kind of silky material. Her hair was up in a messy bun and her legs, and feet, were bare. Anna felt the same flushed heat from the night before begin to make itself known once more on her cheeks. She cleared her throat.
"What about Hans?" Anna asked suddenly, breaking Elsa out of the intrigued daze she seemed to have slipped into.
"What?" Elsa asked, her eyes regaining their focus.
"Hans picks him up, right?" Anna persisted, Elsa looked a bit confused. "The cat. Kai. Hans can pick him up?" She tried again.
"Oh!" Elsa exclaimed, remembering what she had said previously. "No. Hans and Kai kind of ignore each other. Actually, Hans says Kai treats him with, 'frosty indifference'. I think he just doesn't like cats." Elsa finished with a smile.
Anna mulled Elsa's words over and as she did so she found her eyes wandering back over the taller woman's robe. It wasn't clear if Elsa was wearing anything underneath it. And those legs… Then, Anna remembered the decision she had made before falling asleep the night before. She had to try harder to break herself out of this pointless crush. It wasn't fair on Hans, who Anna thought could actually be a pretty good friend. It wasn't fair on Elsa for Anna to spend all of their time together thinking about the blonde's endless legs and gorgeous wintry eyes. And it wasn't fair on Anna herself to continue allowing these thoughts when she knew nothing would ever come of them. Anna shook her head to clear her mind.
"Right. Well, here you go." She said, getting straight to the point and thrusting the cat towards Elsa with a start. Kai wasn't prepared for Anna's sudden movement and he let out an irritated yowl. He pushed himself right out of Anna's arms, bounced off Elsa's unprepared chest and shot past her into the apartment, a black blur with his fur standing on end.
Elsa spun to watch her cat disappear under the coffee table then turn to glare back at her as though it was the blonde's fault that Anna had deposited him so gracelessly.
"Sorry. I'm not that used to pets." Anna started, attempting to explain away how her change of mind had impacted on the previously purring feline. Elsa turned back and smiled at Anna.
"He's fine. Don't worry." She laughed a little, then asked, "Did you not have pets growing up?"
"We had a dog, it was a…" Anna stopped herself mid-sentence. She knew that she couldn't just refuse to see Elsa anymore, that wouldn't be the right way to rid herself of the crush. Right now though, with Anna's realisation of just how deep the desire for her neighbour had gotten, she also couldn't stand around and chat with the beautiful blonde. It could have been seeing Elsa in her robe, looking like she had just gotten out of bed, but for some reason, on this particular morning, Anna just had to get away from the woman.
Elsa was watching Anna, waiting for her to finish her sentence. She saw as Anna's eyes flicked this way and that, as though she was in the midst of some internal struggle. She watched a blush touch the redhead's cheeks. She watched as Anna's hands became fists by her sides.
"I have to go to work now." Anna blurted. Elsa looked surprised.
"Now?" The blonde asked, "It's 10am."
"Yes." Anna nodded once. Elsa studied her; she came to the conclusion that something was definitely up with the redhead, but that it was probably best not to push her this morning.
"OK." Elsa said quietly. "Well, thanks for bringing Kai back. He must have slipped out when Hans left for work this morning." She explained.
Elsa stepped forward out of her apartment and Anna immediately stepped backwards.
"No problem. See you around, Elsa." Anna said. She didn't smile and in fact, Elsa noticed, Anna's face was almost rigidly expressionless. The blonde had been about to go in for a hug, but at the sight of Anna retreating so swiftly, she turned the embrace on herself and wrapped her arms around her waist uncertainly.
"I… Have a good day, Anna." Elsa said. Anna's back was already turned as she strode off down the hall, onto the stairs and out of sight.
Back in her apartment, Elsa had coaxed Kai out from under the coffee table. He was now sitting on the couch next to her, but was still unwilling to forgive her enough to make any contact with the blonde. Despite the fact that what happened wasn't even Elsa's fault.
Elsa pulled her legs up and underneath her; she shifted her robe slightly to cover her thighs, though it reached little else. Her run in with Anna at the door had been the strangest that the two of them had shared yet. She had no idea what had changed Anna from her usual perky, happy, self into such a stiff and tense version. Whatever it was, it was clear that Anna was struggling with something. She normally beamed at Elsa whenever they spoke. She normally made Elsa's heart lift a little. She normally made it seem as though everything that dragged Elsa into the darkness could be banished with a simple embrace.
Today, the regimental Anna with clenched jaw and eyes that refused to meet Elsa's left the blonde feeling deeper into the abyss than usual. It felt as though Anna couldn't get away from her quickly enough and it saddened Elsa. In the space of time it had been since she had moved into the new apartment Anna had become a flame in the gloom. Elsa couldn't remember the last person that made her feel as alive as Anna managed to. Anna was so bright and lively, she could pull Elsa from her swirling sadness without even knowing she was doing it, without even knowing that there was a swirling sadness for Elsa to be pulled from. Perhaps that was what made Anna so refreshing; she didn't know Elsa, she didn't know Elsa's story, she wasn't looking at her with poorly masked pity, she wasn't waiting beneath her with a net, anticipating the crumbling of her fragile frame.
Anna just saw Elsa. And she liked her for what she saw. Or at least, Elsa had thought she did. But after today…
Elsa sighed and reached a hand out to scratch Kai's ear. The cat began to purr. He couldn't help himself though he tried to maintain his moody disposition.
"You let her pick you up, huh?" Elsa asked the black cat. "You like her too." She said softly. The cat gave up on his annoyance and moved towards his owner, flopping down next to her bare leg and rolling over to have his tummy stroked.
Anna had made it to Oaken's without allowing herself to consider her behaviour with Elsa at all. She had blocked the interaction from her mind, and found that not thinking about the blonde was something she hadn't done in quite some time.
In the hopes of continuing this new theme, Anna had asked Oaken if she could work that night. She wasn't on the rota for it, but she had a feeling that her thoughts may slip into old habits if she was left alone in her apartment for the night. Oaken had looked at Anna as though he knew that something must be amiss, but he didn't venture the question and granted Anna her wish of an extra shift. As it turned out, Oaken had a call earlier from a member of staff who was meant to be working that night. It had been a request for a shift change and Oaken had agreed to cover it himself as it was to be a quiet night. Now, he wouldn't have to do it.
Anna was thankful for the promise of another night of distraction and was beginning to think that 'Operation: Get Over Elsa' may have some merit to it after all. She headed home to wash up breakfast things and throw herself whole-heartedly into housework for the afternoon. When she got back Anna only allowed herself to be momentarily disappointed that there was no black furry thing on her doormat when she got to the apartment, and no flash of white-blonde hair along the hall.
By the time Hans returned from work in the evening, Elsa had been stewing in her mood for the whole day, twirling thoughts of Anna's strange change in outlook, as well as people's perceptions of her own weaknesses.
She was still on the couch when Hans closed the door behind him and greeted her with a smile.
"Hi Babe! How are you doing? Good day?" He asked, coming towards her and bending down to give her lips a kiss.
"Fine. You?" Elsa replied.
"Oh, you know, finance, finance, finance, non-stop fun!" he joked. "I thought maybe we'd go to Oaken's tonight. I think you'll really like it there and Anna—"
"No." Elsa cut in. "I'm not up for that, Hans. You can go though." She finished, offering what she saw as a compromise.
"What? No, I don't want to go without you." Hans said, still smiling weakly at his girlfriend. "It'll be fun. I want to go with my beautiful girlfriend." There was a playful pleading in his voice now.
"It's not really my thing. But seriously, you can go, I don't mind." Elsa said, looking up at Hans as though trying to reassure him that she was fine with him going out without her.
"It used to be your thing." Hans said. The smile had well and truly left his face now, and he was looking at Elsa with a hint of sorrow.
"Don't." Elsa said sternly, standing from the couch and starting to walk towards the bedroom. Hans caught her elbow as she tried to pass him and stopped the blonde in her tracks.
"It's been a year, Elsa." He said softly, loosening his grip on her.
"Do you think I don't know that?" Elsa shouted, twisting to look Hans in the face. There was anger in her eyes, and she pulled her arm violently from Hans' grasp.
"Of course you do, I know you do." Hans said quietly, holding his hands up in surrender.
"It's been a year so I should just be fine now?" Elsa asked, her voice laced with ire.
"No, Elsa. That's not what I'm saying." Hans sighed, he reached for Elsa's arm again, and she allowed him to take it, though she didn't look at him. "I know it doesn't work like that. I know you're still hurting, still dealing with everything. I just want to see you happy again." Hans explained. He pulled Elsa towards him and turned her face to his. He could see the tears shining on her lower lashes.
"I'm sorry." Elsa whispered.
"You don't need to apologise. I do understand. I'm trying to understand." Hans said, studying Elsa's face and wiping a tear track from her cheek with his thumb.
"I want you to go tonight." Elsa said, sniffing quietly and finally meeting Hans' eyes.
"Elsa—" Hans started, but Elsa interrupted him.
"No. I'm fine here. I don't want to be the reason you can't have fun. I'm happy for you to go. I want you to go." She reiterated. Hans simply looked at her. "I'll go next time." Elsa promised.
Hans studied her for a moment more and then nodded. He wrapped his arms around her and tugged her into his chest, waiting until he felt her arms on his back.
"Just call me if you need me and I'll come home, OK?" Hans spoke softly into Elsa's hair. He felt her nod against his chest.
"I do love you, Elsa." He whispered. Elsa gripped him tighter and he could feel small sobs wracking her chest.
"I'm sorry." Elsa repeated, though Hans could hardly make out what she had said. He sighed and rested his chin atop the blonde's head, rubbing her back soothingly.