Day 26 – Seniors
A/N: So, this was another difficult prompt, since all three of them are Wardens, and Wardens, as we all know, don't get to grow old. Ever. Originally, I had planned a cozy AU, with the three of them sitting on a porch surrounded by cute little grandbabies, but then this happened. And now I've gone and hurt myself *sobs*.
Nathaniel was the first to notice. Of course. He knew her better than anyone else.
As she was getting ready for bed, wincing at the pain in her lower back when she bent down to take off her pants, he stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms loosely around her.
"You look tired. And unwell." He sounded worried and, much as she hated to admit it, he had reason to.
Sleepless nights were apt to leave their traces nowadays. When she'd seen her face in the mirror in the morning, she'd hardly recognized herself: deep rings under her eyes, her skin grey and clammy, and her whole face puffy and swollen.
"I didn't sleep well." She reached for her brush, but he caught her wrist and made her turn around so she was facing him.
"I noticed." He sighed. "What's going on, Meg?"
"You know very well what's going on." Try as she might, she couldn't quite keep the despair out of her voice. "It's time."
His hands tightened around her waist, so hard she gasped for breath. "It can't be. Not yet."
The pain in his voice was too raw. She couldn't bear it, but she forced herself to speak, even tried to sound flippant. "I'm forty-two, Nate. In all honesty, I never expected to reach this ripe old age."
The sound from his throat was almost a sob. "It's still far too early. Stop it, Meg. You're anything but old!"
Of course he was right. She didn't feel old; in fact, she felt much the same as she had twenty years ago. And she was still pretty, even if she had wrinkles around her eyes nowadays, and her breasts weren't quite what they used to be. Not that the boys seemed to mind. But then, they were hardly boys any more themselves. There were more than a few strands of grey in Nathaniel's long hair, and he had his share of crows' feet, too. His arrows still flew true, but he avoided patrol duty these days and preferred to deal with administrative stuff, claiming he'd slept rough often enough for one lifetime. He, too, had grown a bit tired. None of it mattered. She would always love him, always want him.
"It's been more than twenty years, Nate. I've been luckier than most Wardens, but I can't ignore the signs any longer." Though I've tried. She bit her lip hard. The nightmares, the fever, the buzzing sound in her ears when all else was silent. She'd known for some time, but some part of her had refused to accept it.
"Maybe you're just exhausted." He ran a hand down her back, and she knew he was surreptitiously checking for marks, tell-tale blemishes on her pale skin. There weren't any, not yet, but it was just a matter of time.
"No." She shook her head. "It's the Calling. I know it, and so will you when it's your turn. It's time for me to leave."
"I'm coming with you." His face was stubborn, but she had expected as much and had her answer ready.
"No, you won't." Ignoring his angry hiss, she went on. "I want you to stay and take over as Warden Commander."
"What's the point?" He held her gaze. "Let me come with you. I won't have much longer anyway."
"You don't know that." She shook her head. "You may have a few more years. The Wardens need you. Carver needs you. We can't both leave him. It would break him."
"What are you talking about?" And there he was. Carver. He was leaning against the doorframe, and the confused expression flitting over his face made him momentarily look as young and vulnerable as he had when she'd first set eyes on him, so long ago.
He had changed so much, though, grown more relaxed and confident with each passing year. Twenty years of wielding a two-hander had left him with broad shoulders and a massive back, and with scars all over his muscular body. His skin was permanently tanned from spending the days out in the training yards with the new recruits, and his thick black hair was growing silvery at the temples. Which was damnably attractive, really. Megan knew that scores of recruits of both sexes swooned over Warden Lieutenant Hawke.
"Carver." She smiled tentatively at him, motioning for him to join them. "There's something I need to tell you."
He embraced both of them tightly, but he buried his face in her hair to avoid looking into in her eyes. "Your Calling."
She nodded, leaning her head against his wide chest. "I'm leaving after Summerday."
"That's only two weeks!" Nathaniel freed himself from their arms, his face agitated. "Why the rush? You can't-"
"I can, and I will." She straightened up, looking deliberately at him. "You've seen Utha, Nate. I... I don't want you to remember me like that. I'm leaving in two weeks, and the two of you are going to stay here."
"But, Meg..." Carver was obviously doing his best to sound calm, but there was an unmistakable tremor in his voice. "You can't go alone. The Darkspawn-"
"They'll be waiting for you." Nathaniel's face was grim. "You're no ordinary Warden, Meg. You killed an Archdemon, and scores of broodmothers and emissaries besides. As soon as you set foot in the Deep Roads, they'll be all over you, tearing you to pieces. If you're lucky," he added darkly.
Megan shuddered at this reminder of what would happen if she was taken alive. "You don't need to worry. I won't be alone." She swallowed down a sob. "I've spoken to Alistair. He... It's time for him, too. We'll leave together."
"So, I can't join you, but he can!" Nathaniel's face was dark with fury. "Damn it, Megan, my place is at your side. I won't allow this."
"Oh yes, you will." She was getting angry herself now, but anger was good. It would help her to do what had to be done. "I need you to stay, Nate. I need you to be with Carver. And I won't let your last memory of me be marred by the taint." She took a deep breath, feeling suddenly exhausted beyond measure. "This is my decision to make, Nate. Please don't make it more difficult than it already is."
He sank down on the edge of the bed, hiding his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking convulsively.
"Nate." She walked over to him and put an arm around him, pulling Carver along with her. They would have to be strong, all three of them, and she wanted them to have each other. "Nate, please. I love you so much. Both of you."
Carver was crying openly, but he kept silent. Her heart was breaking for him. He had lost so much already, his whole family torn from him when he was barely more than a boy.
"There's got to be something we can do." Carver took her hand, pressing a feverish kiss on the palm. "Maybe Anders-"
She shook her head. "There's nothing Anders can do about this, love. Nothing anyone can do." She forced herself to smile. "Promise me you'll take care of Nate for me. Maker knows, he needs looking after."
"Meg!" Nathaniel glanced up at her darkly. "This is not the time for your jokes."
"I wasn't joking." Megan kissed him softly, then with more insistence, and he kissed her back with such fierceness that it left her breathless.
When his hands settled on her breasts, she hesitated for a moment, but then she melted into his touch with a small sigh, moaning when Carver kissed her neck. She could give them this, at least. For a little while longer, she could share this with them.
Just a little while longer. Until the shadows would claim her.