Kate sighed, dropping his gaze, ashamed at her actions even though she had been so sure at the time that it was the right thing for them all. "Alexis called a couple of days later." She continued slowly, hating raking this all up again but he deserved to ask any question he needed to.

Rick's heart clenched at the despondence in her tone. His daughter had always been a tough nut to crack, and a lot of that was his own fault, but he had thought the two of them were getting closer. His daughter had called the ex-detective for advice once or twice.

"Was she rude?" He asked quietly, not sure what he could do after all this time, other than to apologise on her behalf.

Kate shook her head, putting his mind at ease, at least a little. "She was, she was surprised, and annoyed, but not rude." Kate gave him a tiny smile.

"What did she say?" Rick pushed, not sure he actually wanted to hear, but knowing that he needed all of the puzzle pieces, just as he had always needed. He never could deal with knowing people were talking about him and not knowing what had been said.

Kate inhaled and held it for a moment, catching his eye, not sure she wanted this conversation but knowing they needed it. "To stay away." She sighed finally.

"Excuse me?!" The question burst from Rick's chest, loud and undignified, furious and shocked, garnering the attention of the small smattering of people in the coffee shop.

Kate laid her hand over his, shushing him softly. "Castle." She chastised gently, embarrassment kissing her with a touch of colour along her high cheek bones.

Rick looked around him, flashing apologetic winning smiles, the ones she used to see for the press, before fixing Kate with a hard stare. "Excuse me?" He asked again, quieter but no less hard, pressing the syllables through gritted teeth, free hand fisted as best he could.

Kate gulped, knowing that unfortunately this was a big part of their issues. "Alexis told me that I should stay away." Kate confirmed softly, nodding before looking down at where their hands were still linked, enjoying the sensation of his hand in hers far too much. She bit her lower lip, knowing full well that she shouldn't take comfort in him, and started to slowly withdraw her hand, but Rick captured her fingers before she could go too far.

Looking her in the eye, making his intentions crystal clear, he tangled their fingers, letting his thumb stroke the back of her hand. Kate questioned him with her eyes, but he just watched her carefully and after a moment, she allowed herself the small comfort, knowing it probably would help her get through this.

"I was staying at my dad's for a while, while I worked out where I wanted to go next, what I wanted to do." She shrugged. "I was supposed to be on mostly bedrest, the doctors said it would give me the best chance of healing properly." Kate looked up from where her eyes had drifted to his shirt buttons. "Did you hear about my injuries?" She asked softly, knowing that it wasn't important in the grand scheme of things, but it may give him some context.

Rick nodded gravely. "I bribed an orderly to find out for me." He gave her a sheepish smile.

She huffed a note of laughter. "Of course you did." She smiled at him, stroking her thumb back and forth on his skin affectionately. "So, for my back, it wasn't that bad really, but I needed a brace for a bit and to be aware of my movements a lot more." She shrugged again. "And my lung would heal on its own, but I needed to take it easy." She smiled a little. "So, dad pretty much confined me to bed rest." She chuckled, shaking her head at his overprotectiveness.

Rick smiled. "Good."

Kate met his eye slyly, that old sparkle filtering in just a little. "Yes, well not for me." She shook her head, smiling. "But yes, so I was upstairs, in bed, and my father knocked on the door and told me that while he knew I was ignoring my phone, Alexis was calling." Kate shook her head, letting her hair fall forward, pulling them both into their own little cocoon, like she used to when she was feeling shy, or nervous, or scared.

Castle watched as dread filled her eyes and her hand got clammy in his. "Hey, it's okay." He told her softly, gripping her a little tighter, trying to instil her with power like he used to.

Kate nodded, swallowing hard. "I was so scared." She pressed out, voice cracking. "I vaulted across the room, was gasping by the time I answered. My doctor scolded me for ages because of that move. It screwed my back but I was so terrified that something had happened to you and…" she let her sentence end, unable to give voice to her thoughts.

Rick squeezed her hand. "I'm here." He assured her softly. "I'm okay. We both are."

Kate nodded, granting him a smile before squeezing his hand and continuing. "She was kind enough to tell me first that you were okay, had heard my panic. She told me that you were okay, and at home, which I 'would have known if I had been there'." She shrugged, giving him a wry smile. "She didn't pull her punches."

"She was worried about me." Castle murmured, trying not to absolve her but that was his baby they were talking about.

Kate nodded. "I know. I understood, and kinda deserved it, so I let her rip on me. She spilled her guts about how much I was hurting you all, how much I was ruining you, how if I was less of a coward I would be by your side, be helping you." Kate paused, taking a shaky breath. "And at no point was she wrong."

Rick smiled sadly. "I don't agree with 'coward' but the rest I have to kind of agree with." He told her honestly, a little surprised when she nodded.

"I know." She sucked on her lower lip for a moment. "I started packing." She whispered, and Castle started to get a terrible sick feeling in his gut. "I told her that she was right, that my behaviour was awful, that I really needed to try harder to control that pesky fight or flight impulse and that I would be there in the hour, knowing that I could pack an overnight bag and get dad to drive me to yours, knowing we'd be there soon enough. I'd come get everything else later, when I was back with you and when we were healing together." Kate shrugged one shoulder, stroking her thumb back and forward again, needing to reassure herself that his hand was really there in her grasp. "And then she told me, that if I had any respect for you, if I ever cared about you at all, I would stay away." She wiped her damp face with her free hand, looking almost serene as she told him all this and it terrified him a little. "I told her that I would try harder, I sobbed down the phone to her and I'm not proud of that, but she stuck to her guns. She told me that the worst thing I could do now was to come ho…back to the loft," she corrected, though not quick enough for Rick to have not noticed.

"It was supposed to be home for you." He murmured quietly, not making eye contact.

Kate smiled, tender and sad. "It was. But Alexis made it clear that my leaving had broken it all beyond repair and that she would never forgive me if I tried to come back. I knew that it would put you in an awful position, Rick, that it would make you have to choose between us, and I knew you would pick Alexis, as you should have done, and I never wanted to make this all worse than it already was. So I stayed away, to stop you having to make that choice. To stop you feeling like you were letting one of us down by making that choice." She sighed. "I told Alexis that I was sorry, that I, that I loved you all and that I would stay away for as long as was necessary." Kate shook her head. "I called every few months the first year, to ask how you were, eventually Alexis stopped answering my calls."

Rick sighed deeply, running his hands across his face quickly. "So, you're telling me, that you would have come home after a few days, if Alexis hadn't told you to stay away?" He asked through gritted teeth, for the first time in her life feeling so deeply disappointed in his daughter.

Kate shrugged, lifting her knees to the edge of her seat, curling her arms around them, feeling the anger and disappointment rolling off Rick like tsunami waves and it was making her nervous. "She's your child…"

"And you were everything!" He exclaimed, jumping to his feet to pace, no longer caring if he was making a scene. Let them watch, this was too important. "Fuck her and her stupid attitude towards you. I loved you. You were the love of my life…" he shoved his hands into the back of his hair, his entire body thrumming now. "I'd bought you a ring!"

Kate's foot slipped off the seat, slamming her knee into the metal edge of the table, but neither of them winced. She was white as a sheet, mouth gaping, and couldn't force her lungs to take the breath they so desperately needed. Rick, for his part, really hadn't expected to tell her that bit and found himself frozen in place.

"You…" Kate all but gasped, her entire body trembling and her lungs screaming for oxygen, but she couldn't function. She'd walked away to make him and his family happy, and he was going to propose?

Rick sighed. "I need some air." He murmured, shaking his head, before turning heel and running from her.

Rick sighed deeply, setting his tumbler into the sink, the whiskey droplets at the bottom mocking him. He needed to stop drinking when he missed her. She'd told him about her dad, had cried on his shoulder one awful night, curled in his lap in the middle of their bed, as she told him about the worst of those times. He couldn't drink when it was bad, he couldn't let her down like that.

He rinsed the glass and leaned with his back to the sink, noticing his mother and daughter watching him carefully from the breakfast bar.

"You're going to be late, Alexis." He murmured wearily.

He was fed up of his daughter watching him like he would break and his mother watching him like he was a child. His hand was healing slowly, he no longer had a prominent limp, he was going to be okay, they needed to stop waiting for him to fall apart.

"You okay, dad?" Alexis asked quietly, careful around him now.

"I'm fine, Pumpkin." He smiled, hoping the nickname would bring back some of what they had before. Alexis smiled a little, jumping up from her seat before grabbing her satchel and coming to kiss his cheek.

She was just leaving, had opened the door, when the ability to not ask left him.

"Hey, Lex?" He called, stopping her so she turned around to face him again, still smiling.

"Yeah, dad?" She asked, shoving her hair out of her face.

"You haven't heard from Kate, have you?" He asked, pretty sure of the answer but wanting to hear it, just like he did every few weeks when he got low again.

Alexis shook her head. "No, sorry. Not a word since she left." She shrugged, watching him nod before she left the loft and let the door close behind her.

She always gave him the same answer, he didn't know why he was still expecting that to change.