"So – what is the Normandy…what are you…doing now?" she asked. Nobody had troubled her with details, she suspected Dr Chakwas had told them not to worry her, but she wanted to know what was going on outside the med bay she was confined to. They'd even dimmed the glass windows so she couldn't see the mess, and visitors talking about nothing but how glad they were to see her awake had grown boring after the first day. Three days later, she needed to know.
Her body might not be moving, but she needed her brain to keep active.
"Well" he said, glancing towards Karin but she sat at her computer and left the two of them in peace. The most privacy she could offer, pretending not to see them as Kaidan held her hand and stroked her fingers and they whispered together.
"We're dealing with reports of pockets of remaining Reaper troops, and dealing with the last outposts of Cerberus" he explained. "Flushing them out while they're still shocked, before they can become a threat. And salvaging any resources we can to deliver to the places that need them". She nodded, grateful for the information that would help her guess what he did in the hours when he was not at her side.
"Hackett made me CO of the Normandy" he added, looking a little uncomfortable as he revealed this information. Worried she would feel betrayed, perhaps. She and Joker were both very…protective, possessive almost of the Normandy. They had been on the ship longer than anyone, except perhaps EDI herself, and they both saw the ship as 'theirs'.
"Since you're…out of action" Kaidan explained as she didn't immediately respond and yes, he was definitely feeling guilty, she knew him well enough to see it in the way he shifted position where he sat and spoke, quickly, without his usual care. "Traynor's acting XO –I didn't ask, but Hackett said – well it became clear you weren't going to be able to fight, or lead, for a while and there's too much to be done to wait and have the Normandy out of action -"
"Kaidan, it's fine" she reassured him, squeezing his hand. "You think I'm gonna chew you out 'cause you're in charge of the ship now that I'm…injured". The understatement of the century there, Shepard was bedridden and almost entirely held together with synthetic additions at this point with so many bandages she looked like she'd dressed up for Halloween, but just as she had never acknowledged the fact that she had died once, if she could help it, she now glossed over how badly she was hurt again.
"Hey, the last time somebody stole your ship, you got pretty pissed off" Kaidan reminded her, squeezing her fingers, smiling for a moment but he became serious again after a second. "I do feel like…I'm betraying you".
"Somebody has to be in charge, I'm in no state" Shepard assured him softly. "I'd rather it were you than anyone else. And Traynor will be a good XO, I'm sure. Sensible choice. Avoid James as an option" she added with a faint smile.
Despite the reassurance, there was a tiny part of her that did feel exactly what he feared. Pushed aside and jumped over the moment she was incapacitated, that everything she had done didn't even warrant waiting a few weeks to replace her – but it was a little voice, at the back of her mind, emotional and worn down. The part of her that couldn't quite fathom this was over and was dealing with having survived a war she was sure she'd die during and the emotional aftermath of everything she'd tried to shut down for months in order to focus. The louder voice, the rational side of her mind, knew what she was saying was true. There was too much to be done to waste a resource as valuable as the Normandy over something as trivial as respecting her actions.
"Besides" Shepard added, shifting her weight very carefully, wincing as she did so. "Now you can be the one who has to bicker with EDI and Joker and give the orders, and I can sit around subtly undermining you and playing poker". Jokes were how they communicated, how they teased each other and kept going, and Kaidan seemed relieved to hear that her sense of humour had survived everything as he chuckled and leaned in to kiss her cheek gently.
"When you put it like that, it does seem like you're the lucky one eh?"