"I thought you'd gone Kate. I thought you had left me." Rick shrugged. "I thought that you thought that I was angry with you, so you took yourself out of the equation. I didn't ever expect you to come home." He told her quietly.

"I know." Kate murmured, swiping at her face.

"So, I, I tried to move on." He whispered. "I can't apologise for that."

Kate hiccupped, shaking her head ferociously. "I'm not asking you to. I don't want you to. I'm not angry at you."

Castle turned to her then, surprised and needing the story, twisting himself so his shoulder was against the bench, his leg folded under him.

Kate sighed softly. "I'm shocked. I'm hurt, though I guess I have no right to be. I hate that if we had just talked, everything would have been okay."

"You mean if other people hadn't interfered." Rick murmured, shaking his head sadly.

Kate looked up at him quizzically. "People, plural? I, I can only think of, Alexis." She asked quietly, confused.

Castle winced, unsure how much he wanted to reveal here. "I uh, I called your dad, occasionally."

Kate stiffened beside him.

"He, let's just say he was less than encouraging of my wanting to call you." Castle shrugged.

"He never told me." Kate sighed deeply, tentatively slipping her hand over his knee, her heart starting to mend when he slipped his hand to cover hers. "All my dad saw, was that one minute, we were happy, and okay, and thriving, and then the precinct happened, and suddenly I was ignoring my phone, and hurting myself over worrying about you, and moving to a different part of the country to get away from it all. We never sat down, he and I, and talked about it all. Everything was too raw immediately after, and I was recovering physically, and by the time I had processed enough to really talk about it, I was in California and dad never bought it up, because that's what we Beckett's do. Tragedy happens, and we bottle it, bury it, and hope to God it never comes up again."

Castle swiped his thumb over the back of her hand. As a father, he understood the protective instinct, the need to protect your child, he just wished it had been handled differently by all of them.

"I tried to call, a couple of times." Kate murmured suddenly. "I got really sick, about three years after. I tried to call you."

Rick's eyes widened, and his jaw slackened in shock. "What?"

Kate winced, hard, as she tried her best to swallow the sip of water she had taken, trying to get it down her horrendously swollen throat. The doctor, Chester had forced her to go to, said that if she couldn't swallow water, she would have to go to hospital for IV fluids and antibiotics. She knew she was getting to that point fast but wanted to hold off on that as long as possible. She hated hospitals, even more so when she would be there alone.

Chester had tried to keep her company as much as he could, but between KC Clothing, his nieces, and his budding relationship with a girl he had met, he could hardly sit beside her all night.

Kate had just got somewhat comfy in bed after trying to swallow enough to keep her hydrated, when she heard the tell-tale sound of her front door opening.

She had only had one other key cut when she had moved in, and had kept it as her spare, no one to share with nowadays, but when she realised how sick she was rapidly becoming, Kate had asked Chester to take it, so he could help her with groceries, and mail, and check in on her when he could. It had been two weeks and she had lost thirteen pounds already, thirteen pounds she couldn't really afford to lose.

"Hey, Becks, how are you feeling?" Chester murmured as he made his way into her bedroom, sitting beside her curled body, laying another cool wash cloth on her forehead.

"Crappy." Kate croaked, her throat barely allowing her to swallow, let alone talk.

"Oh, Babe." He clucked parentally, squeezing her hip gently. "Can I get you anything?" He asked softly.

Kate was about to shake her head, not knowing of anything that would make her feel any better, when a long dormant pang went off in her chest. She wanted him, she wanted her family.

"Can you get me my phone?" She tried to smile for him when Chester leaned over and passed her the device from the nightstand.

"I'll leave you to it, just putting away some stuff then I'll come back and sit with you if you want?" Chester murmured.

"Thank you." She nodded, smiling when he pressed a kiss to her shoulder before he left.

Kate let her thumb hover over the contact for a moment, before screwing her courage and letting it dial. She cradled the phone to her ear, begging it silently to connect, but the ringing stopped abruptly after the fourth ring. She hadn't really expected Alexis to pick up but knowing she had rejected the call stung more than she wanted to admit. She had wanted to ask if the girl thought it was okay, but she wanted to call so badly.

The pain and infection were starting to pull her into delirium and all she could think about was how much she wanted to be at the loft, how much she wanted him to hold her, and stroke her hair, and let her cry on his shoulder. She needed him, wanted his comfort so badly and before she knew what she was doing she had pulled up his contact and it was ringing.

Unlike the younger Castle, her father didn't cut off the call, but it still took her to his voicemail when it rang out.

"Hey, Castle." Kate found herself croaking, sure she sounded terrible but unable to not leave him a message after hearing his voice greet her for the first time in years, prerecording or otherwise. "I'm sick." She murmured, feeling pathetic. "Like, really sick. They keep threatening to take me to hospital. I don't wanna go." She whined. "Don't like hospitals. Last time was when I broke you. I'm so sorry I broke you Rick. I really was trying to help. I wish I could go back, I wish I could fix you, fix us, fix everything." She trailed off sadly. "I really need you, not just now, but always and I would do anything to have you here, Rick."

She shook her head to herself, hanging up and pushing the phone away. He clearly didn't need her, but she wished like a child on shooting stars that he wanted her, because she wanted him more than oxygen to breathe.

Almost two weeks and a three-day hospital stay later, Kate was finally well enough to return to normal. She went back to work, threw herself into her business and carried on. She had never received a reply and her wall was firmly back in place. He didn't want her, and she would make sure she never let herself want him again.