A/N: Finally – Snape's confession
Chapter 12
"Can we maybe talk face to face instead of wand to table?" Severus ventured.
After a pregnant silence, he heard a soft sigh. "Fine."
Carefully peeking around a corner – she did have some Slytherin tendencies – he raised himself to full height, meeting her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I should have told you from the start where I was. I was just hoping we could talk about something more important first."
Hermione held her breath. Something more important. This was it – he was finally going to tell her how he felt about her. Remembering how pained he was at prospect of being unfaithful to Lily, she did not dare to hope.
His gaze flicked away from her as he started speaking. "It has been obvious that Potter was not able to keep his mouth shut concerning my memories involving his mother. So you must also be aware that she was the main focus of my life, my emotions and my plans for the future. That I considered her the true love of my life. Always."
Something inside Hermione broke at his words. She should have known she would always come second to Lily. Could she live with that? She was so absorbed in her shock and pain that she almost failed to register that he had continued.
"But during the last weeks, it has become clear to me that I was wrong."
What?! She could almost hear the sound of screeching tires inside her head. Had he really just said what she thought he had said?
"I thought I loved her because she was all I had. Literally. I never had another friend aside from her, and the only compassion that anyone had shown me during my childhood had come from her. Of course I thought she hung the moon and stars. What I did not see, though, was how ill-suited the two of us really were. We did not share many traits, and she lost interest in me as soon as better opportunities arose. I held on to my feelings for her because I had nothing else, had never known anything else."
He paused, meeting her eyes again. Hermione felt her anxiety peak, her stomach in nervous flutters.
"And then you came along. And slowly I realized – very, very slowly, and the realization had not occurred until recently – that there was so much more than that. I discovered that although you annoyed me like no one before, I very much enjoyed your presence. I enjoyed our discussions, our arguments, your sense of humor. I just did not allow myself to see it. Somehow I thought that if it turned out that what I felt for Lily wasn't the real thing, it would take away so much of who I thought I was. I was too afraid to acknowledge it. And I wouldn't have, had it not been for..."
He trailed off and she finished his sentence for him. "…the Traggob."
"Yes. It saw right through me, and for some reason, it decided to… interfere. To push me into the right direction. Well, it would be more accurately described if I said the Traggob pushed me into it face-first, cackling all the while. But still – the Traggob did help me see the truth, although I fought it every step of the way. And now I am very glad it did. Without all of its pushing, I wouldn't be here, to tell you that…"
He paused again, drawing a deep breath, his fist clenching at his side as if he was preparing to jump of a high cliff. Hermione's heart raced off in a mad rhythm.
"…that you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. And although my concept of love had been so messed up that I dare not use that word, I need to tell you that you mean more to me than I could express in words. I want to be with you, share my life with you for as long as you will have me. If you will have me."
There was a ringing in Hermione's ears and it was hard to draw a breath. Had she really just heard what she thought she had heard? Had he really said he wanted her, to share his life with her? Butterflies erupted in her stomach as her knees turned weak.
"If you will have me."
His last sentence hung heavy in the silence between them as he stood there, waiting for her to speak. He had bared his heart to her, making himself vulnerable in a way he had never done before. Although he did not want to admit it, he was gripped by a stark fear that she might reject him. He did not know how he could live with that.
She stood there, frozen, and his heart clenched in his chest. Couldn't she say something, anything?
Suddenly, she burst into tears. "Oh, Severus," she sobbed.
Fuck. She was crying. He knew with women, there was good crying and bad crying, but he had never been able to tell the difference. He wished the Granggob was here to tell him which of the two it was.
Hermione looked up at him, crystal tears spilling over her soft cheeks. "Oh Gods, how long I have waited to hear you say something like this," she whispered before rising up on the tips of her toes to touch her lips to his.
A wave of intense relief rolled through Severus. Good crying. I had been good crying. She wanted him, too.
The soft touch of her lips ignited a fire deep inside of him. He slid his arms around her as he devoured her mouth like a starving man. She molded herself to him, her hands tightening the raven strands of his hair.
The pleasure of kissing her was heightened by the words she had uttered, still circling in his mind. He broke off the kiss to peer deeply into her eyes.
"For how long have you waited to hear me say something like this?" he inquired hoarsely.
She sighed into his neck, then touched her forehead to his chest. She had not spoken yet, and he wondered why she did not answer. He lifted her chin to look at her face. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyelids fluttered as she stared at his chest, not daring to meet his eyes. "For years," she finally sighed.
Years? It didn't make any sense. She had not even been back at Hogwarts for that long.
"I don't understand. You never considered Potions for your apprenticeship and the only reason that seemed logical to me was that you disliked me too much to work that close with me."
A shy smile played around her lips as she traced a finger along the row of buttons on his chest. "Oh, Severus – the reason I never considered Potions was because I was afraid that you would find out about how I felt. I could never have survived your ridicule, and I was sure that was the only thing in store for me."
There was a stab of something in his heart that was almost painful, but it was a sweet pain full of longing and tenderness. He stroked her cheek as she continued.
"I had a crush on you for years, but only after the final battle, after I thought you had died – " her voice broke at that, "did I realize just how much you meant to me. And when it turned out that you were still alive, that you would return to school to teach us in my final year, I was frozen in shock when I met you. I was so afraid that you would be able to see my feelings written clearly over my face."
"That is why you stopped raising your hand in my class? You did not want to draw my attention? Finally, something makes sense again. I knew you would not stop being an insufferable overachiever."
She swatted at his chest, scowling. "Severus Snape! Here I was, close to licking you from head to toe when you start saying things like that. I'll be rethinking that licking."
All he registered was her sweet mouth forming the words 'lick you from head to toe' and his mind went into overdrive, instantly conjuring up the most delicious scenarios. One of his hands grasped her hip, the other tunneling into her hair as his mouth crushed hers in a searing kiss. She instantly responded, exploring his mouth with equal fervor.
His hand moved from under her hip to her bosom, lifting her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. Like the night before, he stumbled into the bedroom in a tangle of limbs.
They undressed each other with trembling hands until their naked skin touched again.
Their second lovemaking was as feverent as their first. He had wanted to take his time exploring her body, but she had growled at him and had murmured something about 'next time' before rolling him over on his back and proceeded to grasp him with a firm hand, making them one just a moment later.
It had been a crazy ride – literally – and he cried out hoarsely when she finally collapsed on top of him. He brought up his arms to hold her in place, her delicious weight on his torso oddly comforting. Her breathing evened out and he gathered she must have fallen asleep on him. With a smirk, he looked at her face, her lashes fanning out over her cheeks. She was incredibly beautiful and she was his. How he ever deserved someone like her, he would never know.
He just lay there, feeling her soft curves pressed against him and reveling in the unexpected sensation of complete contentment.
An hour later, when she roused from her sleep, he was still wide awake, the same smirk lifting the corners of his lips. Hermione raised herself on her elbows, smiling in response.
This time, they made love taking all of the time in the world. He explored her body leisurely, and she in turn made good on her promise to lick him from head to toe.
They spend all day in bed, indulging in everything they'd ever dreamed about, shutting the world out completely. When the sun started to descend towards the horizon, casting a fiery glow through the bedroom window, Hermione sighed in contentment. She turned towards Severus, sharing a loving smile.
His dark eyes met hers, and she had the feeling he wanted to tell her something important. "This is completely new territory for me," he said. "I have never been in a relationship like this so I don't really know what I'm doing. I can only try to do my best to show you how much you mean to me."
His hand came up to tug on one of her curls, rubbing the silky strands between his fingers. "I don't think I've ever had a real friend, either, so it might take some time for me to get used to all this." A wistful expression crossed his face, and her heart ached in her chest at the thought that he considered himself without friends.
There were a lot of people that had been interested in establishing a friendship with him, first and foremost Minerva, but he had never allowed anyone to see behind those walls he had erected around himself.
Except for you-know-who, the voice in the back of her mind spoke up. There was someone aside from her who had reached out and managed to connect with him despite his icy façade. Loath as she was to admit it, the Traggob had been a good friend to Severus, and without it, he would probably never have overcome his obsession with Lily. Hermione would probably never reach the same level of friendship with the Traggob that the two of them shared, but she did not want to stand in the way of the one relationship he would probably consider a friendship.
With a deep sigh, she slipped out of the bed and made a bee line to the cupboard, rummaging around.
"What are you doing?" Severus grumbled. "Get back to bed."
A minute later, Hermione discovered what she had been looking for. Hiding the object behind her back, she returned to the bed. Kneeling in front of Severus, she finally revealed what she had hidden from view.
Severus frowned as he studied the bottle of firewhiskey that she held out to him. Did she want to drink with him? Maybe toast to the future? He gave her a bewildered look.
She smirked. "I think you might want to take this along."
"Take it along where?" He eyed her suspiciously. What was she up to?
"You know, I have some work to do and I thought you might like to use the time to pay a visit to your… friend. I am sure the Traggob is bursting at the seams, waiting to now if its mad plan has worked out." Her eyes softening, she continued. "And I can see that you'd like to go and talk to it about it. I do not want to keep you from the one person that you seem to be able to connect with aside from me."
A tentative smile spread across his face, reaching the depths of his eyes. Hermione was again overwhelmed at the onslaught of emotions that this smile caused in her stomach. She would willingly accept the presence of that annoying Traggob in her life if it made him happy.
The Traggob heard the click of the doorknob. A ray of light shone inside the wardrobe where it nestled comfortably. Rising, it carefully extended its hand to push against the door. The view into the room was revealed as the door swung open. Leaning against the doorjamb, a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand and a satisfied smirk on his face, stood Severus Snape.
The Granggob bounded out of the wardrobe with an excited shriek, wrapping its arms around Severus and hugging him in a fierce embrace. "You did it!" it exclaimed. "You told her!"
It was babbling in its excitement. "What did she say? What was her reaction when you told her? Did she look like this?"
The Granggob tried for a wistful expression.
"I've never seen her grinning that stupidly in all of my life." Severus remarked dryly.
The Granggob snorted and poured firewhiskey into two tumblers, handing one of them to Severus. Pushing one of the armchairs towards him with its foot, the Granggob reclined on the couch.
"Now spill the beans, Snape."
A/N: Oh, Severus, you finally did it! But the Granggob's not quite through with you! There's more to come in the next chapter, but until then... *points to the review box with a grin* Pretty please?