BRIEF AN: This chapter will be published in two parts. The whole document came in at almost 6,000 words. Trigger warnings for mentions of suicide and self harm beyond this point.

You sat on the bed stunned. Crowley was making excuses to treat you like a prisoner and Dean… you refused to think about Dean cheating on you. This wasn't like him at all. Dean had always been fiercely loyal to those he loved. It's the reason why he always felt hurt when someone lied to him or betrayed him. It's part of the reason why he was always so protective and possessive sometimes.

It didn't surprise you that Dean had killed that demon. He hated anything that remotely resembled a threat to you. Once, a guy had grabbed your ass in a gas station while you were waiting in line to pay. You thought Dean was picking out his own snacks. In moments, Dean had the jerk's arm behind his back and he was begging for mercy. The cashier threatened to call the police before Dean released him with some choice words and a punch to the face. You could tell the guy had a dislocated shoulder as Dean grabbed your hand and led you back to the Impala.

You knew then that reacted that way because he thought he'd failed to protect you in the first place and because he couldn't stand a stranger thinking it was ok to touch you like that. He loved you and wanted to do the impossible, he wanted to protect you from the world as much as he could. You knew Dean would never tell you how to live your life or keep you from hunting with him. He could be overly protective, but never controlling. Dean had respected your choices in the past.

Now, you wondered if Dean was seeing you as a person or as a possession. Did he kill the demon because it had threatened you and practically held you prisoner? Or did he kill the demon because it threatened something that was his? Were you really just his plaything?

You felt depression and anxiety beginning to suffocate you and your emotions ran wild. You wanted to scream, cry, and tear the room apart. Part of you just felt like laying down and sleeping until Dean and Crowley decided to move on just to escape reality. The rational part of your brain told you that you should at least go to the diner and get some food. Then there was the anxiety. It felt like there was a bomb in your chest and if you moved or did anything, you would die.

After what felt like an eternity of sitting on the bed with silent tears streaming down your face, rationality won out. Grabbing your phone and some cash, you left for the diner. The new demon outside merely glared at you and nodded when you mentioned heading for food.

It was one of those places that served breakfast all day. You couldn't remember the last time you actually had breakfast food for breakfast instead of leftovers and gas station snacks. You ordered some scrambled eggs, bacon, and hash browns. It wasn't that the food was bad, it was actually really good for diner food. Your appetite had disappeared and you found yourself simply picking at your food and moving it around your plate. The waitress was nice though and didn't say anything about all of the food you didn't eat. Instead she just smiled at you and offered you a slice of chocolate cake to go.

She gently placed a Styrofoam box on the table and touched your hand. "I don't know what's goin' on, but we all have rough days. This is on the house for later. Hopefully your problem isn't so big a little chocolate can't fix it." Her eyes were full of sympathy and care. No one had looked at you like that since before Dean went to kill Metatron, since before Dean died.

"Could I—" You tried to swallow back tears. "Could I get a slice of apple pie for my boyfriend?" It was useless. This stranger and her random kindness had reduced you to a crying mess in the middle of the restaurant. You looked at her nametag. Cathy, her name was Cathy.

"Oh honey…" She knelt down next to you and gathered you into a hug. "Of course you can." Cathy stood and looked around. "But first, come with me."

You let her lead you. She stopped when another waitress walked by. "I'm taking my fifteen. I don't have any other tables right now. Cover me?"

"Sure." The other waitress kept walking with a fresh pot of coffee.

Cathy led you through a set of doors and you realized you were in the ladies room. She let you rest against a wall while she wordlessly gathered some paper towels. She stuffed some dry ones in her apron and ran water over the rest.

"Look at me." Her voice was soft and calming. She ran a cool damp towel over gently over your face and placed another one on the back of your neck. "Let's get you cleaned up. What's your name?"

Cathy looked like she was only a couple years older than you. You wondered if this was what it was like to have an older sister. "Y/N. I'm guessing you're Cathy." You glanced at her name badge.

Cathy started laughing. "Actually, my name is Alicia. I lost my name tag yesterday. We get written up if we show up without a badge so I'm borrowing one." Alicia brushed some of the hair away from your face and handed you some dry paper towels. "Here."

"And they don't notice you're wearing someone else's tag?" The distraction and small talk was nice.

"They notice if I show up late, leave early, get a customer complaint, or if my shirt isn't two sizes too small. Beyond that, details escape the managers." Alicia had pulled out a hairbrush from her purse. "I promise I don't have cooties, I can brush your hair if you want."

You considered the offer and nodded your head. "Thanks… why are you being so nice to me? I'm just a stranger, a nobody."

"I'm not gonna say you look like crap Y/N. Instead I'm going to tell you a story." Alicia fished out a rubber band and began and began braiding a strand of hair. "I have an older sister. Your eyes are just like hers… Anyway, I went over to her apartment one night for our movie night, Mystery Science Theater 3000." Alicia chuckled. "She laughed when she was supposed to laugh, but didn't participate in our usual running commentary. She was just really quiet." Alicia paused and sighed. "I was a lot younger, I'd just started college. I got pissy because I thought she was mad at me and giving me the cold shoulder for no reason so we got into a fight. I really made sure to yell at her. I told her that I had a horrible time and that I would've rather gone out with my college friends instead of keeping up some stupid tradition we had." She finished the braid and continued to brush your hair. "She just looked at me and said 'Alright.' I was so angry and immature… So I left and met up with some douchebag that thought he was gonna get laid." Alicia accidentally hit the spot where your head had hit the wall last night and you hissed. "Sorry. Anyway, I felt terrible the next day so I decided to head her place with some of her favorite snacks and an apology." She stopped brushing your hair and sighed. "I found her hanging in her closet. It was too late to save her. I tried, but she was gone."

Alicia gently turned you around and rested her hands on your shoulders. "I will never forget the look in her eyes when she said 'Alright'." She stared into your eyes with sadness. "Your eyes are just like hers were that night."

You stood there shocked. "I-I'm not, I wasn't—"

Alicia smiled. "Of course not. If you were, that chocolate cake would go to waste. Before we get that slice of pie for your boyfriend, is there anything you want to tell me about him? Or maybe just about anything else?" Her fingers lightly brushed the back of your head.

You bit your lip. You wanted to talk to someone, anyone so badly. But what could you possibly tell her?

"I know, it's complicated. Take your time." She noticed your hesitation.

You let out a tired sigh. "My boyfriend… He's amazing. He loves me and does his best to protect me. It's just that right now, he's working through some… issues." You struggled with how to phrase things without the supernatural element. "It's not quite PTSD, but he's been… haunted and not himself. He left his brother and his best friend—we were his support system—to start hanging out with this other guy. His new friend makes him worse. I'm all he has left."

"It sounds like you should call his brother and friend. I'm sure they're worried and would come to help."

You furrowed your brows. This wasn't anything you hadn't already considered. "If I call them, we will leave. He'd probably be out of town before they could get here. I'm the only one that would call them so he'd probably leave me behind as well. It's better that someone is with him."

"Better for who?" Alicia wiped away a tear you didn't realize you'd let slip. "It seems to me you have three choices. You can stay with him and see how that works out, you can call his friend and brother and hope that they get here, or you could call them and if he leaves let him go." Alicia opened the door and led you back to your booth. She returned with another box and a piece of paper. "If you need anything, call me."

You reached for some cash to pay but she insisted that this was all on her and not to worry about it. You placed a fifty dollar bill on the table before grabbing the boxes and heading for the door. It was starting to get dark out and you could see the demon still lurking near your room. You remembered Dean saying something about having a demon at the diner. Your instincts told you it wasn't Alicia. No demon could be that kind or come up with that kind of a story. Plus it was too obvious for Crowley to have a demon possess your waitress, it wasn't his style. It was more likely to be a regular customer, manager, or kitchen staff.

The demon glared at you as you opened the door. You set the desserts down on the small table in your room and turned on the lights. Pulling out your phone, you decided to call Dean to try to get him to come back early tonight. You didn't have any beer, but you could offer him pie and sex. It stung that you had to tempt him and seduce him to come back to you.

The phone rang a couple times before Dean finally picked up. "Yeah?"

"Hey Dean. I just got back from the diner. The food was amazing, and they had this fresh apple pie… I picked you up a slice if you want to head back. I'm sure we could come up with something fun to do after…" You kept your tone happy and hopeful.

Dean was obviously in another noisy bar and was fighting against the background noise. "Oh yeah? Demon didn't give you any trouble then." The noise grew fainter and you could tell he was at least making an effort to talk to you in an area where he could hear you. "Listen, uh—"

"Deeeaannnn!" There was a female voice in the background giggling. "We're doing body shots, you're gonna miss all the fun! Come on!"

You pursed your lips and wondered why you felt so hurt and surprised. "You're going to be 'busy' again tonight, aren't you?" You couldn't keep the disappointment out of your voice.

"Yeah. Yeah actually. I'll be back late so don't wait up."

You sighed. "Be safe Dean. I love you." After a moment of silence, you realized that he'd ended the call.

Fuck this shit. You paced the room, feeling like a caged animal. The room seemed to be getting smaller and running out of oxygen. You desperately needed an outlet for the all of the emotions you'd been hiding.

First, you tore the covers and pillows from the bed and knocked over a nightstand. The lamp fell with it, breaking the only light in the room. One of the wooden chairs in the small room was your next target. It was so cheap and flimsy that it fell apart without much force. You kicked at the wall you shared with Crowley as you made your way towards the bathroom. You looked for something else to destroy and caught your reflection in the mirror.

You were a mess again. Alicia's braid held, but your hair was once again wild and your face was red and puffy. Rage was starting to give way to hopelessness as sobs threatened to break free. You turned on the shower in hopes that the sound of running water would soothe you and mask the pathetic sound of you sobbing on the bathroom floor. No wonder Dean would rather party with Crowley and random girls. Why would he want to spend any time with some weepy, needy girl? That's when you noticed your favorite pocket knife on the counter.

AT THE BAR

Candi, or was it Bambi… Had just reminded Dean of the fun still awaiting him inside. He told her he would be back in a minute. You sounded like you would be alright on your own for the rest of the evening. The kill from earlier still had Dean running on a high. That particular minion had always cramped his style.

Dean turned around to head back into the bar only to be greeted by a couple demons.

"Hello Dean."

"You aren't worthy of our king's company." The second demon spat and they were suddenly both lunging at him.

Dean threw the first one to the ground and kicked the second one back. "Looks like we've got a real party now." He pulled out the first blade and smiled. They hardly posed a challenge to Dean and frankly, he was slightly disappointed when they both went down after a couple minutes. He casually stabbed at one and sauntered over to the remaining demon on the ground. "Is this really the best you've got?"

The demon spat blood in his face and smiled. "You aren't powerful, Winchester. You're broken. You're nothing but a loose cannon, a wild dog. Crowley likes dogs, but he hates loose ends. Everyone can see your frayed edges, it's only a matter of time until Crowley sees it too."

Dean pressed the blade to the demon's neck. "You might be right, you might be wrong. But the one thing I know is that you're not going to be around to find out." With that he cut the demon's throat and watched it die.

Dean hadn't felt this satisfied in weeks. Even though they were only minions and low level demons, three kills in one day was a damn good day. The only downside was that he was now covered in blood. Going back into the bar was no longer an option, so he called Crowley.

"You're missing quite the party in here Dean. Candi and Bambi are really… Let's just say I can imagine a lot and these two haven't failed to impress me." Crowley chuckled.

Dean suddenly remembered they were twins. He just thought he'd been seeing double. "Oh yeah… Well, I bumped into a few of your fanboys. They weren't so happy about our little road trip I'm guessing. I'm gonna head back to the motel to wash up. Enjoy the girls without me." He ended the call and shut the door to the Impala.

Part 2 of this chapter will be up shortly. Thank you to everyone that has favorited/followed/reviewed this story.