Thanks for the feedback everyone. Glad to see that most people were happy I addressed this and I am glad that several people pointed out that Henry did exactly what his grandmother did…and he will realize that in this chapter.
Hours later Emma was still sitting on the floor of her living room with Regina and Henry both fast asleep, both having cried themselves into unconsciousness. Regina was curled up on her lap, while Henry stayed where he had fallen earlier and Apollo had stayed by him while Emma did her best to comfort Regina. Emma knew that there was not much that she could do; nothing could be done about what happened to Regina and Emma learned over the years that the only thing that could be done was quietly supporting Regina. Mostly that meant simply being there while she cried, trying to make sense out of what happened to her and crying when she realized that it would never make sense. Much like Cora, this monster was dead, but he had somehow managed to hurt Regina in a way that superseded Cora's abuse.
Emma had wished that this conversation had happened when Henry was a little bit older, if for no other reason than it meant they could've planned it better. Regina knew what she needed to say to Henry and how to say it, but all of it went out the window when Henry came bursting through the door that day. Emma looked at her wife and her son and she leaned her head against the wall, almost in defeat. She remembered when Regina had told her about her first marriage. She remembered being so angry she broke a vase only to realize that the anger and the violence she was showing scared Regina. She stopped showing her pain through anger and, much like Henry had done, ended up on the floor of their bedroom crying. She was mad that no one would ever answer for hurting Regina, there was no one to hunt down, no one to make suffer. Regina let Emma cry out her anger and her sadness and she patiently waited downstairs for when Emma would be ready to talk. Of course when Emma finally did come downstairs she found Regina, but she was in pretty bad shape. While Emma had been upstairs, Regina had tried to keep the tears away by drinking, so when Emma came into the den she found Regina polishing off a bottle of whiskey. In the days that followed, the two of them had to slowly work through their feelings and Emma had to hide the liquor or Regina would have killed herself trying to numb her senses and erase the bad memories. Emma was pulled back into present day when Regina started to move, eventually turning around so that she was lying on her back, looking up at Emma.
"What time is it?"
"6:30."
"I should…I should go make dinner." Regina sat up and tried to pretend like she was ok, but Emma knew that once Regina saw Henry still asleep she would be forced to admit that she was far from ok. As she predicted, Regina looked down and saw Henry with Apollo snuggled next to him and her heart sank into her stomach. She took an unsteady half step backwards and Emma quickly wrapped her arms around her wife, providing some much needed support.
"Gina, baby you gotta talk to me." Regina shook her head like a child getting ready to throw a tantrum.
"Do you want me to send my parents home?" Regina shook her head no.
"Do you want to go take a shower while we wait for Henry to wake up?" Regina nodded yes and Emma carefully let her grip on Regina relax, allowing her wife to walk toward the downstairs bathroom. Of course once Regina started to leave Apollo got up from his spot near Henry and followed Regina out of the room. Emma checked on her son who seemed to still be asleep so she gave him another blanket and went into the kitchen. Emma was mad too, and she was hurting because Regina was hurting, but she wouldn't let herself feel those emotions, not yet, not right now. She had a son who was ready to lash out at everyone except Regina, she had Regina who was trying to be strong for Henry, but who ultimately needed someone to be strong for her, she had two daughters who needed constant attention and she still needed to officiate some conversation between Regina and her mother. All that to say, Emma wasn't really giving herself time to feel anything.
Again, her thoughts were interrupted by someone coming down the stairs, thankfully it was her father who had clearly drawn the short straw and had come to check on everyone downstairs.
"Hey."
"Hey. The girls doing ok up there?"
"Yeah, they're fine, I just came down to grab some bottles for them." Emma swore under her breath, angry that she had forgotten that her daughters were due for a feeding.
"Shit, sorry. Um, Regina pumped some just last night so if you warm it up a bit you should be good to go. Just mark it on the chart in their room." David moved around in the kitchen and began to warm up two bottles.
"Where's Regina?"
"Shower. She usually wants to take a lot of showers when this topic gets brought up and damn it they just do not make water hot enough." Emma let out a frustrated laugh as she hit the counter in front of her.
"Emma." Her father took a step toward her and Emma backed away.
"No. I don't have time to fall apart right now. I have Regina on the brink of a mental breakdown, my son who is so consumed by his anger he was willing to scream at his grandmother and my other children who are probably wondering where the hell Mommy is. I don't have time to fall apart."
"Emma you can push it down all you want, but these feelings will bubble up and then what will you do?"
"Deal with them later." David sighed and saw that he would have to stop talking to Emma as though they were friends. He had to treat her, right now in this moment, like she was the little girl he never got to raise. He reached out and didn't let Emma back away; instead he pulled into his chest and hugged a bit tighter than he normally would. As expected Emma tried to fight him and push him away, but her father was strong and he didn't move. Eventually, Emma couldn't fight anymore and she finally leaned her head against her father's chest and cried.
"I don't know how to help her and Henry is so mad and there is no one left to blame. I wish he was still alive just so I could kill him myself." Emma moved away from her father and went over to the sink to splash cold water on her face.
"Emma, maybe this isn't something you and Regina can handle alone. Maybe you need to start asking for some help."
"No offense, but I doubt Archie is ready to handle this. Regina is right, he got his PhD from a curse."
"That isn't what I meant. There has to be therapists in neighboring towns that can see Regina. People who specialize in sexual assault and Regina doesn't have to give them the whole fairytale background, she just needs to say that her husband was the one hurting her."
"I tried suggesting that years ago when I found out, but Regina wouldn't hear it."
"Well, maybe I'll hear it now." Emma and David both turned to see Regina standing in the doorway, her hair still wet from the shower.
"Gina." Regina held up her hand to stop Emma from explaining.
"It's ok Emma and your father is right, this isn't something we can handle anymore, maybe it never was. When you suggested therapy it felt silly and I didn't want to talk about it anymore than I had to, but now…it's not about what I want anymore. Now it's about a very angry 14 year old who wants to murder a ghost and one day his sisters will hear about it as well and I want to be able to hold my head higher than this when that day comes." Emma nodded her head and Regina seemed pleased that her wishes had been heard. Emma would look up therapists once her parents were gone, but for now this was a good step forward. David excused himself to go back upstairs, leaving both women in the kitchen. Regina moved from the doorway and quickly searched the closet in the kitchen, eventually pulling out a box that she placed on the kitchen counter. Emma watched silently as Regina loaded the box with all the alcohol they had in the kitchen, except for the beer Emma drank and the wine Regina used to cook with. With all of the booze in the box, Regina handed the box to Emma.
"If you could go put the liquor cabinet contents in this and then hide it somewhere I would appreciate it."
"I'd be happy to. Once you tell me why." Regina looked sad as she set the box in Emma's arms and looked away. "We both remember what happened last time."
"Yeah we do."
"I will not become an alcoholic Emma. I'm not letting him destroy one more part of my life and I will not drink myself into an early grave over that stupid son of a bitch. Now please, just get it out of here." Emma didn't argue and she quickly emptied the liquor cabinet and then took the box into the basement, shoving it into a storage locker she had for her guns. It had several locks on it and Regina didn't have the keys or the combinations to any of them and for that matter, neither did Henry. Emma knew that hiding the alcohol was Regina's way of taking back control of the situation before she lost it totally. Once she got back up to the main part of the house Emma could see that Henry had woken up and was slowly pushing himself off the living room floor.
"Your mom is in the kitchen. I'm sure she wants to take to you." Henry nodded and walked over to the kitchen where he could see Regina sitting at the kitchen table sipping on what he assumed was tea.
"Ma said you wanted to talk to me." Regina nodded without looking up and pointed to the chair next to her. "Sit please." Henry did as she asked and Emma hovered out of sight, sitting on the last few steps of the staircase.
"I'm sorry I yelled at grandma."
"I knew you would be once you calmed down. Listen, Henry, sometimes I forget that there are parts of me in you that aren't always good. You have my temper and when we ignore feelings they blow up in our faces later and we take it out on the first person we can see."
"I said I was sorry for yelling, not for what I said. I meant what I said." Regina sighed because she could see the anger start to creep back on Henry's face.
"Henry, your grandmother and I have made peace with our past and if we can, then you need to find a way to do the same. It's not her fault I was raped. The blame for that lies solely with your great-grandfather and maybe in part with my mother. Your grandmother didn't know I was going to be hurt like that, she was 12 years old, just barely older than you are right now."
"That doesn't make it ok."
"No Henry, it doesn't make it ok and sweetheart, nothing will ever make what happened to me ok. It will never make sense. Believe me I have spent two lifetimes trying to make it makes sense and it doesn't. Everyone just has to find ways to work through the pain, work through the past and find something good in their life to keep them focused on the beauty the world can make."
"Have you done that?"
"I'm working on it, but I most definitely have beautiful things in my life. I have you, your sisters, my wife and a lot of wonderful memories that we have made as a family."
"And that's supposed to make up for what happened to you." Regina sighed and stood up from her seat and stood next to Henry.
"Henry, listen very carefully to me. Yes, I suffered a great deal during my first marriage, but after my husband died, once I triggered the curse…it set off a series of events that brought you to me. The day I held you…my god Henry, I never thought I'd love anyone else half as much as I loved you that second. You cried and fussed and I thought I was doing a terrible job, but eventually you and I found a rhythm and even when I faced an impossible choice I chose you."
"I don't understand." Regina knelt down and explained.
"After I had had you with me for a time, I eventually realized who you were. I found out that you would be the catalyst for ending my curse and I had a choice to make: keep you, knowing you could be my downfall or give you back to the adoption agency."
"Wait. You knew that I would be the one to bring about the curse ending? You knew and you kept me?"
"Of course I kept you." Regina couldn't talk very well through the tears, but she continued.
"Henry I didn't know what it would look like and I didn't care. I didn't know you would go looking for your mother. I didn't know she would break the curse. I didn't know how much it would hurt to watch you walk away from me, but I knew that you were my son and I didn't need to know anything else. So when I got you home that day, I took you to my vault and I made a potion that would make me forget what I had learned."
Henry was stunned silent and words escaped him.
"You drugged yourself so you wouldn't remember that I was going to destroy you." Regina pulled Henry up and made him look at her.
"You. Destroyed. Nothing. Do you understand me? Nothing. You saved me Henry and everything that came after that was just something I knew we would have to deal with someday."
Henry shook his head and tried to push Regina away. "How could you still love me after that. Damn it, I'm just like grandma. I wanted a new mother, I wanted something and I didn't care who I hurt to get it. I was so happy that it made you angry and I never thought…I never meant to be another person who hurt you." Henry sat back down in his chair and held his head in his hands and Regina moved a chair next to his.
"Henry. Let me tell you something that you won't fully understand until the day you become a father. When you hold that child in your arms for the first time, they steal your heart and you instantly fall in love. You learn that as long as they are happy and safe that nothing else matters. It broke my heart when you wanted Emma, but I also knew that I had hurt you with my mistakes and so when the time came I had to let you go. Not because your grandfather was threatening me with a sword, but because as your mother I would've cut my beating heart out of my chest and crushed it if it meant you wouldn't suffer anymore because of me. Everything I did, every choice I made, I would make again in an instant Henry."
"Why?"
"Because you are my son. You are my son, my little boy and I never want to imagine my life without you in it. So if I had to relive the same life, I would do it all the same. ALL OF IT. That is what parenting is Henry. It's loving your kids even when it hurts. I never stopped loving you, ever. Please believe that."
"I'm so sorry." Henry stood up and Regina barely got to her feet before Henry collapsed into her arms, hugging her tightly to him.
"Shhh, baby it's ok. Ease your storm." Henry cried for a while longer before Regina could hear him sniffle and he pulled away with bloodshot eyes.
"How about you and your grandfather go pick up some dinner for us? I need to feed your sisters and I think you could use a break." Henry nodded and gave Regina a kiss on the cheek before going to put on his winter gear. Once they boys had left, Regina went to change clothes and feed the girls, leaving Snow to go downstairs where she found Emma leaning on the kitchen island playing with an empty beer bottle.
"Would I be wasting my breath if I said I'm sorry." Emma nodded her head and looked up at her mother.
"I know it was an accident, but you learned this lesson twice now. You know that your mistake has ripples that reach so many people. I'm so mad at you right now I could spit and Regina is too tired to be mad at you and it's not even anger, it's betrayal. I told you what happened to her and said, in very clear terms, that you were to not tell Henry. This is why, THIS whole shit show is why. He wasn't ready to hear it and she wasn't ready to say it." Emma tried to calm herself down before she said something she would regret.
"Listen. I know you meant no harm, but you have to understand that Henry is pissed at you and himself right now. He is just now seeing that you two have a lot in common and his guilt is eating at him. So give him some space to be mad."
"Of course."
"Good. Eventually, this will even out and I'll get Regina some help, but until then just be ready for some rocky days." Emma began to leave the room to go help with the babies and she stopped for a second.
"And let me be clear on something. If you ever, EVER pull something like this again, you and I will have a very big problem. I will not have my family tortured by the past anymore."